Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!

Subject: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 Jul 99 - 06:33 PM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'

---

Since the other was getting close to 150 postings, I thought I'd start another.

Question Authority....Ask Me About Anything!

Get in, Sit Down
Shut up and Hang on!

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: campfire
Date: 30 Jul 99 - 12:28 AM

It wasn't a bumper sticker, but a T-shirt -well, maybe that's just different bumpers ;) - that said:

My Next Husband Will be NORMAL

campfire

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 30 Jul 99 - 01:42 AM

Not a bumper sticker, but a graffito I saw on a restroom wall many years ago.In an angst-ridden scrawl of black ink someone had written " My Mother made me a homosexual." Underneath, someone else had written " If I buy the yarn will she make me one too?"

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Marion
Date: 30 Jul 99 - 10:53 AM

How about...

Love globally - lust locally.

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Angus McSweeney
Date: 30 Jul 99 - 12:12 PM

Saw this one just last week:

When guns are outlawed Only outlaws will accidentally shoot their children!

Steve Goodman played at Charlottes's Web in Rockford, Il, circa 1973 and commented "Did you hear about Dick Nixon? He saw "Deep Throat" three times and still couldn't get it down pat (Pat)!

(I should maybe start a list of people I've offended today.)

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Jul 99 - 12:59 PM

No offense taken here, Angus. I am still laughing too hard!

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Bryant
Date: 30 Jul 99 - 03:20 PM

This one's for the scientific crowd:

(On a RED bumper sticker)

"If this bumper sticker is blue you're driving way too fast."

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Banjer
Date: 30 Jul 99 - 06:32 PM

Since we seem to be straying from bumper stickers my all time favorite T-shirt has a picture of a reclining dog, looks like a great dane, with his one paw in the universal salute (shooting a bird, for the uncultured among us) and the quote below him says 'Fetch This'

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Celtic-End Singer
Date: 30 Jul 99 - 08:13 PM

All-time favourite, in the terrible days of Thatcherism, but equally applicable in the terrible days of Blairism:

"Guy Fawkes, where are you when we need you?"

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: WyoWoman
Date: 31 Jul 99 - 11:10 AM

I have a lovely tee shirt that reads, "Fish naked: You might hook the big one."

I forgot I had it on the other day when I rode my bike downtown and was standing on the sidewalk talking with friends when I noticed a mother sort of hustling her two sons, about 8 and 9 I'd say, past me with a very unappreciative look on her face. The boys seemed to think it was funny...

WW

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Banjer
Date: 31 Jul 99 - 02:39 PM

That just 'goes to show ya'; Momma's mind was in the gutter and the two boys enjoyed a good play on words...I don't know if this is a repeat or not but the bumper sticker 'du jour' is the one that says, "Driver Carries No Money, Wife and Kids Have It All"

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Bev and Jerry
Date: 01 Aug 99 - 01:46 AM

We've been on tour for three weeks so we didn't read the first thread. If this has already been posted, forgive us.

I may not agree with your bumper sticker but I will defend to the death your right to stick it.

Bev and Jerry

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 Aug 99 - 01:41 PM

Seen at Kmart, yesterday, on the back of an elderly, white-haired woman's wheelchiar. An obviosly lively woman, scooting herself along, with her feet, directing the employee who was designated her shopping helper:

FBI- FULL Blooded Irish!

She was an absolute doll! I told her I loved it and so would several of my friends. She was a talker, gift of gab and mind intact. We visited for quite a few minutes, with her telling me which "home" she lives at, how she orders up a bus ride and takes off to shop, on her own; about her brother who had a mechanic shop; and her maiden name: Mehan (I think).

Anyway, I think we both brightened each other's day and when I told her my name was Katey, she started singing "Kkkkkaty, beautiful Katy" to me! Made me really happy to think I knew of others who would appreciate the story and the bumper sticker! So thanks again for being the great friends ya all are!

kat(ey)

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: joeler
Date: 29 Aug 99 - 01:52 PM

On the back of a double tandem truck hauling away dirt form another freeway being built.

"I you don't like my driving, call 1-800-eat-sh-t. (didn't want to offend anybody)

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: j0_77
Date: 29 Aug 99 - 02:13 PM

Chineses Plastic Junk 4 u MAll-WART USA

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Jen
Date: 29 Aug 99 - 03:25 PM

I have one: "Question Reality". Thought it was appropriate.

I've seen some good ones, but I'll have to keep my eyes open for them and remember to write them down. There's a Shakespearian quote I'd love to put on a t-shirt: "There's small choice in rotten apples".*g* If I wore it at a certain place, some of the people there would ROTFL.

Jen

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: ddw
Date: 29 Aug 99 - 05:01 PM

Saw one a couple of days ago that said: BEER; Getting ugly people laid since Egyptian times.

ddw

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: kendall morse (don't use)
Date: 29 Aug 99 - 05:21 PM

the funniest bumper sticker I ever saw was during Watergate.. IMPEACH THE COX SACKER

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: kendall morse (don't use)
Date: 29 Aug 99 - 05:23 PM

and, of course, Honk if you hate noise

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Banjer
Date: 29 Aug 99 - 05:57 PM

This is the first time I have tried to copy and paste from my word processor to the forum. If it don't work my apologies in advance. It's a story that I received by e-mail that ties in with the "Honk if you love _____" series.

HONK if you LOVE JESUS

The other day I went to the local religious book store where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back of my car, and I am really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed!!

I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and didn't notice that the light had changed. The bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why...the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY love the Lord because pretty soon he leaned out the window and yelled "Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could. It was like a football game with him shouting, "GO, Jesus Christ, GO!".

Everyone else started honking too, so I leaned out the window and waved and smiled to all those loving people. There must have been some guy from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a funny wave with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my kids what this meant. They kind of squirmed and looked at each other, giggled and told me it was the Hawaiian good luck sign. So I leaned out my window and gave him the good luck sign back. Several cars behind, a very nice black man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldn't hear him very well, but it sounded like "Mother Trucker" or "Mother's from there". Maybe he was from Florida, too. He must really love the Lord. A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and began walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed the light had changed, and I stepped on the gas. And a good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there, leaned out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks.

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: emily rain
Date: 29 Aug 99 - 10:17 PM

*snicker* such luscious nastiness.

my mom confessed to me recently that for a long time she thought the jesus fish (without the letters, darwinian legs, etc.) was the logo for some car company. i told her i thought that in and of itself could make a great bumper sticker.

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 29 Aug 99 - 10:34 PM

I think it was Erasmus who said: "When I have money, I buy books. If I have any left over, I buy food and clothing." (T-shirt from PBS).

My favorite used-book storekeeper says to Caroline, "Think what he could be addicted to!"

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Bugsy
Date: 30 Aug 99 - 03:32 AM

On the rear bumper -

"Save Gas - Fart In A Jar!"

"Take Me Drunk - I'm Home Again!"

"You Thunk I'm Drink - Didn't I?"

Bugsy

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: JedMarum
Date: 30 Aug 99 - 09:48 AM

A few of my favorites follow:

Imagine Swirled Peas

From the Nixon/Agnew days I remember, The Moral Majority is neither and now we have its more updated version: The Christian Right is neither

But I think my all time favorite is the timeless classic twist on the 'pearls before swine parable', Never try to teach a pig to sing; you won't be successful and you'll only annoy the pig.

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: JedMarum
Date: 30 Aug 99 - 09:54 AM

... and if y'all will indulge just one minor thread creep digression;

I was sitting in the stall at a men's room at DFW airport when I noticed, among the usual homophobic scribblings, one 'author' had written simply Jesus Saves ... another budding literary genius had scribbled in beneath this comment (presumably some time much later) the words, and Lineacre scores on the rebound!. Apparently this is not an uncommon English one-liner, but it struck me as a bit unusual for American bathroom graffiti.

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: paddymac
Date: 31 Aug 99 - 12:09 AM

and from the Piney woods of the Florida Panhandle "Holvnwvt Momes". (the "v" is sounded like "uh"). It's Muskogee Creek and means (roughly) - "sh-t happens".

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: ddw
Date: 31 Aug 99 - 12:32 AM

Liam's post reminded me of something I saw on a john wall in the math and sciences building at Cleveland State U. back in the mid '60s.

AND GOD SAID
followed by a long formula that ended with E=MC2
AND THEN THERE WAS LIGHT.

ddw

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Mayberry
Date: 31 Aug 99 - 05:10 PM

I always wanted to make a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you think I'm doing something stupid!".

The best graffitti I ever saw was in a truck stop mens'room cubicle:

Truckers do it Better!

(different script): Do What!

(first script): Don't Know! Too Busy drivin' the Damn Truck!

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Pink
Date: 31 Aug 99 - 05:55 PM

Seen on a beat up pick-up

"Keep back 300', driver dips Copenhagen Snuff."

"Don't tailgate me, or I'll flick a booger on your windshield!"

"Don't piss me off, I'm runnig out of places to hide the bodies."

"My Mom says I'm special."

"Keep honking, I'm reloading!"

"If you want to finish in 2nd place, follow me!"

(blurry letters) "What speed limit?"

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Sep 99 - 04:40 PM

"Housework Makes the Mind Dull"

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: JedMarum
Date: 20 Sep 99 - 04:46 PM

... but a dull mind doesn;t mind housework!

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Magpie
Date: 20 Sep 99 - 04:54 PM

Re. Paddymack "sh-t happens"

Didn't you know? Sh-t doesn't happen, sh-t is caused!

Magpie

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: sophocleese
Date: 20 Sep 99 - 05:02 PM

I have a t-shirt that reads; "Bad Cop No Donut". I did actually wear it into a donut shop filled with police officers. I was on trip somewhere and the first place I headed for in the shop was the ladies. When I come out several of the people were snickering and staring at me. I couldn't figure it out at first. I checked my shorts, my hair, my glasses then I realized it was my shirt. OOps! Most of them thought it was funny, two of them asked me where they could get one.

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Sep 99 - 05:06 PM

SophoC, I've seen that as a bumper sticker. Another related one is the DARE logo, from the anti-drug program, only instead of saying "DARE" and underneath that "To keep kids off drugs", it says "DARE...to keep cops off donuts!"

NOI (no offense intended) to any cop Mudders.

But, liam, do we have to have the housework in order to create the dull mind?*G*

katlaughing

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: JedMarum
Date: 20 Sep 99 - 05:16 PM

dull minds aren't created, I think, kat - they just happen (perhaps much the same way as sh*t happens).

I once saw a clever graffiti conversation written along the wall of a public entrance to the men and women's room at a restauraunt in Framingham Massachusetts. It read;

Women get liberated. Make him sleep in the wet spot!the equally clever, and presumably equally liberated retort penned beneath it read;

Liberated men prefer sleeping on the wet spot!

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: kendall morse (don't use)
Date: 20 Sep 99 - 10:43 PM

how about STOP GLOBAL WHINNING

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: haldavis
Date: 20 Sep 99 - 10:54 PM

Honk If You're Illiterate

my favorite, seen on the front of a VW minibus while gazing out the window at a feminist science fiction convention,

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Lyle
Date: 20 Sep 99 - 11:14 PM

On the back of a leather jacket worn by a man riding a motorcycle: "If you can read this, my girlfriend fell off."

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Jack (Who is called Jack)
Date: 20 Sep 99 - 11:37 PM

I don't know if I put this in the last bumper sticker thread.

About 10 years back, David Duke (remember him) ex-imperial Wizard of the Klu-Klux-Klan, claimed he had 'changed his tune', he tried to run for Guv'ner of the great state of Louisiana as a member of the Repubican . The Louisiana constitution calls for an open primary with the top two finishers to fight it out in the general election. Well much to the chagrin of the GOP, and mortification of old G.W. Bush in his taxpayer funded digs up on Pennsylvania Avenue, Mr. Duke managed to finish second behind the right honerable Democratic Ex-Guv, one Edwin Edwards, who's history of self-serving patronage and corruption in office had attained a legendary status on the delta second only to Huey Long. So come November, the good citizens of Louisiana had managed to put themselves in the unenviable position of having to choose between a Klan Wizard (The Hood) or a political criminal (The Crook). The running joke was 'Who ya gonna vote for, The Hood or The Crook".

Which gave rise to the greatest political bumper sticker in the history of american politics IMHO.

Vote for the Crook--Its Important!

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: DonMeixner
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 12:26 AM

While traveling with the band to a gig in the Poconos we were very slowly passed by an elderly couple who were busy in the front seat of their car conversing in American Sign Language. I can read very little of it but I felt like I was eaves dropping so I looked away. As they passed I noticed their bumper sticker read " Honk if you don't like my driving".

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Ted from Australia
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 02:46 AM

On A Tee Shirt( want one)
"I'm not an Alchohioli
I'm a drunk
(in small font)Alcholics go to meetings

and for the fisherpersons

Just one more cast . ( then in progressivly smaller fonts)
Just one more cast
Just one more cast
Just one more cast
Just one more cast
Just one more cast
Just one more cast
Just one more cast
Just one more cast



Regards Ted. ,

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: DonMeixner
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 01:52 PM

I have always wanted to have some stickers printed up that would be of A #12 x 1 1/2" phillips head threaded fastener. The sticker would be about 1 1/2" in diameter. It would cover the "luv hearts" That we see on bumber stickers realating ones affection for their pets. I imagine a few heads might be turned along the highway.

A sticker of the spade from a deck of cards could have an equal effect. But it might also get cheers from the ASPCA and Peta.

Don

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: kendall morse (don't use)
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 08:24 PM

One of my favorites is: If you can read this.. thank a teacher.

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: kendall morse (don't use)
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 08:33 PM

Also.. A working man voting for a republican, is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders.

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: KathWestra
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 11:22 AM

Eschew Obfuscation

Illiterate? Write Us for Help!

and one that I actually broke down and stuck to my very own bumper:
I Have Given Up My Search for Truth
and am Looking for a Good Fantasy

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: K'tildas
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 12:13 PM

Saw last week on car with gov't plates: "Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket"

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: lamarca
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 01:25 PM

Then there's the other one that both Ms. Westra and I had to buy and put on our cars:
Visualize Using Your Turn Signals

or the one we gave lorraine:
I believe in dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures (not sure her husband appreciated it....)

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: Bert
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 01:52 PM

Well, if he was a REAL man he would have laughed.

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: KathWestra
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 02:49 PM

I notice Lorraine didn't stick it (to her car). Maybe lamarca and I thought it was funnier than she did. (In case you guys didn't know, Charlie Baum, Lorraine, lamarca, and I are all neighbors in the Silver Spring "folk ghetto.") Kath

Subject: RE: Funny Bumper Stickers-Second Edition!
From: jaguar
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 07:31 PM

I personally want to have a collection of fish on my car. A Darwin fish, a Witch fish, a UFO fish, an Alien fish, a Cuthulu fish...