BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 16 - 04:32 PM

"O, you," he thinks. And his mind drifts back to one Spring night when he held up a coach on the King's Highway and the fair young lady who he relieved of her baubles and....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Dec 16 - 08:19 PM

Hours had passed and the novice drinkers were zombie eyed but adding the right notes now and the. Frequent drinkers drove the rhythm and song selections and the really frequent drinkers stole the show with antics like singing different songs combined on top of other folk song and surprising high notes. Slowly the volume came down as the animal control panel truck backed up to the front doors and flung open tits doors. A dozen bird cages surrounded a giant wombat and donuel walked forward from the shadows as the tavern fell totally Silent.

Ladies and gentlemen, Joe was assured our gentle giant was fine and helped me out with all these Myna birds which are here to regale you in three part Harmony. Like a conductor he hummed to the wombat and tapped the wombats nose when a deep bass ostinato sounded and when tapped twice dropped down a fourth and back up again, Joe was moving to the first cages and he hummed a tune and the Cockatoos began a simple tune. Again and again he cued the other cages in time.

What emerged was Beethoven's 2nd Movement of Symphony number 7. Shaw sreeamed Oh MY GGAWD! HOLY SHIT


And now' This band is your band' followed by the Christmas song!
A novice drinker puked into the jello pit and...while Rap...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Senoufou
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 04:41 AM

Old lady, made merry by the Adnam's ale, starts performing a jig (think Riverdance) while Siamese cats sidle seductively up to Brat Terrier with a view to weeing on him later.
The pit of jelly is beginning to change colour. Mrrzy regards it apprehensively, being careful not to fall in in her wobbly state.
Donuel rummages in his pocket for some more LSD so he can continue the interesting psychedelic vision of singing birds and Beethoven.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 04:51 AM

The room falls silent as the Welsh songstress arrives to get this party started.

Gnome sucks in his overhanging belly, straightens his back and mutters something about it just going to show that us old folk need not let ourselves go...

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Senoufou
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 06:11 AM

Old lady likes Shirley singing James Bond songs, but really adores Pink's version of this one. (She loves Pink)
Where IS everybody eh? Do you think they'll be along later?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 07:50 AM

Senofou slow down you are missing the double and triple entendre, a temperance argument would have broken out the food was finally ready., It smelled amazing.
It was

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 07:59 AM

it was Joe the bird trainer from animal control pushing a huge cart of spicy delicious

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 08:52 AM

Tentacles -- large, very large, and with suckers the size of automobile tires (tyres to some) -- slips from the jello pool and snags the brat terries, two cats, and a drum of Midleton Barry Crockett Irish whiskey. With a "blurp" they disappear into the jello.

Squiddy is back!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 09:19 AM

mmmm the equivalent of road kill but high in protein.

Ya know the nervous system of tentacles feature independent ontrol.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 09:24 AM

(I knew something smelled amazing! And I think I got a double in that last shot... whee, another outer layer can come off!)

Squiddy! Merry Midwinter, you old reprobate! Barkeep, how much liquor is in that jello already?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 09:29 AM

Gnome eyes the squid and his eyes light up as he asks

"Is that the sick squid that you owe me?"

Then rolls about laughing. He has been waiting years for that to happen...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 12:19 PM

Good calamari , not too chewy but what is it about this place that presents local gigantism in one day. Donuel feels a stirring in his pocket WTF

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 03:54 PM

Severn finally arrives and asks the alligator behind the bar for a cup of coffee.

"We're our of skim, sir"

"Well, no use crying over split milk.", sighs Severn. "Cream will do. Is this the good Columbian?"

"No, but the weed is!", slurs a voice from the corner.

"Juan Valdez is as good as the next in a pinch. It's colder than a Republican's heart out there! Thank God you're just a regular publican" Severn tells the gator. "It's awful quiet around here. Where are the Squidlets?"......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 04:13 PM

Mrrzy removes another layer, picks up the next hot whiskey and an extra one, and ambles over to the corner...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 06:04 PM

Mrrzy - Is this the dance of the seven layers?

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 07:34 PM

Severn at the bar tells Mmario. "The usual. Auroch On Roll and hold the poppy seeds"

"I always get stuck holding the poppy seeds." grumbles Mmario.

Having arrived late, Severn looks around to see what strange animals are about. There's usually a few each year, and most always, a giant something, as squids, a caterpillar, a moth, a whale and a few others have visited, with Squiddy becoming a full fledged member of the gang having settled into living in the Jello pit and after many years of falling in love with and chasing females of various sorts and species (Liz The Squeak, Nurse Ratched, a giant caterpillar and others), had finally settled down with a female squid and were raising a whole bunch of squidlets. Squiddy seems to be holding four or five toddies in his tentacles and seems to be ready to party. Severn does not see the rest of the family yet and seeing that the huge Christmas tree does not have everyone's belongings hanging from it as of yet, wonders where the rascals all are.

He does hear three black birds singing in a mynah key, but nothing giant yet, when both the aliigator and Mmario on the other side of the bar start giggling and pointing behind him and Severn turns around on his barstool and immediately gets nose tweaked by the giant wombat and his hat pulled down over his face.

"Assault and wombattery!" he sputters.

"I think she likes him" laughed. Sandra.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 08:43 PM

Oh, I had way more than 7 layers on - it's COLD outside. So far, I've taken off the cloak, the lumberjacket and the overshirt off...

Anybody see the platypus?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Severn
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 09:40 AM

A strange vehicle pulls up with its driver standing in a large fish tank. It's none other than Ethel MyrrhrMaid herself, resupplying us with more Myrrh, as we were fast running out. I think either someone's trying to smoke it or feed it to the horses, because it went rather fast, some of it heading out to the stables, but anyway, we're getting another load, straight from the source.....

The line to the loo is backed up, so I figure Liz The Squeak will emerge eventually.....

Mmario brings Severn his Auroch-On-Roll sandwich, meduim extinct, the way he likes it...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 10:29 AM

And finishing his horn solo, he returns to the baragator and politely asks, "Landlord! Fill 'er up agin! With that Balbair you keep for yourself! And do it quick!"

He draws his horse pistol, intending to shoot into the ceiling to make his point, and the baragator bites it in half.

"Ah," he says. "The laser of the two evils," and throws the remains away. Drawing his rapier, the baragator bites that in half as well.

"So," he responds meekly, "What's the good sword, barkeep?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 11:58 AM

Ethyl starts her aqua truck and an impenetrable fog came out the exhaust. I yell I think you've blown a seal and Ethyl says just leave my private life out of it and help me fix the damn thing. Ethyl drops a few squid from her perch and says I need a 6 inch manifold ring and please herring. Its to late for Walleye Mart but one from Marlin at home is a possibility.

Back in the bar Mrzzy was arguing with the barrater and he is saying she was drunk as a fi...,was too drunk to take over the sand bar.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 01:35 PM

I am NOT a "she" huffs (but does not puff) Mrrzy. But no, I canna do the sand bar right now. And goes back to the corner to puff some more...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 06:31 PM

Hearing a liquidy commotion from inside the tavern, Ebbie takes long strides to the back door. Little does anyone know that she is a frequent visitor to the scene and in fact, long ago took it upon herself to keep a stock of cuttlefish and clams on hand to keep the squid happy and well fed. Humph. It always amazes her that anyone might think that a squid can go for a year without eating.

She reaches into the murky pool and fishes out several lumpy green objects: a brat terrier and four cats. They are bedraggled and angry but well enough for all that. The Brat goes off running across the floor but the cats take to cleaning and preening. With the other hand, Eb grabs a handful of assorted shellfish and tosses them to the waiting and eager tentacles.

Then Ebbie does a double take. FOUR cats?. One of the cats is distinctly different from the others- in fact, it appears it may not be a cat at all.

Ebbie shouts: Anyone lose this thing?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 08:46 PM

Ebbie to the rescue! You go, Beau.
Initiation at the Tavern. Poor lamb.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: ranger1
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 12:08 PM

Beau, having gone out for a roll in the snow to clean the slime off his fur, goes dashing back to the pit, dives in and emerges with a severed tentacle in his teeth. He heads for the back of the Tavern, savagely shaking the tentacle and getting goo everywhere.

The Little Ranger wanders over to the pit and reminds the Squid that terriers are not to be trifled with, and perhaps it might want to think twice about harassing Siamese cats, as they prefer to serve revenge cold.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 09:21 PM

The tools of his trade bitten in halves by the baragator, he sidles to the middle of the room. Taking a position immediately below the gaping hole, he removes from this satchel a series of cylindrical cylinders, each with a red or green string sticking out from the bottom. No one notices, or if they do they think nothing of it as everyone else is watching the terrier.

Lighting a massive cigar, he applies the ember tip to the string. Suddenly the place is filled with various exploding fireworks. His aim was off and every one of the pyrotechnics missed the hole in the roof!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: gnu
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 12:40 PM

Senoufou... this one? Me too.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Senoufou
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 01:01 PM

Siamese cats are busy serving revenge cold on Squiddy (ie weeing on him)
Old lady has had a nice nap and is now trying to click on gnu's link. But it says 'not allowed for your country'. However, it's evidently of Pink singing 'I'm Coming Up'. She really loves that version.
Beau the Brat Terrier is resting his head on her knee; lovely creature.
This year, patrons of the Tavern seem a bit thin on the ground...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 02:46 PM

"It's that dag-slab Temperance Movement!" he exclaims. "Only the REAL 'catters show up! Now, I remember one time when Spaw..." and drifts off to sleep amid the carnage of the fireworks.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 06:55 PM

Who belongs to Ebbie's Thing from the jello pit?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 07:50 PM

Ebbie. It's her pet.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 08:22 PM

No, Rap, Ebbie's domain is the stables, not the jello pit. Unless somebody/something wandered from the stables into the pit where it is not supposed to be. Maybe it is whatever keeps the stables varmint-free.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 08:24 PM

Could it be a mongoose?
Anybody know any songs about the mongoose? I don't even recall Flanders & Swann writing one, although they wrote about the three-toed sloth.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 09:20 PM

Sly Mongoose

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 09:59 PM

Didn't he have a group? Sly and the Family Mongoose?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: JennieG
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 04:24 AM

I thought that was the well-known group The Goose and Mon Sly Family......didn't they record in a pit of green jello?

The slurping sounds have to be heard to be believed.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 10:09 AM

Like falling asleep at four PM and waking not knowing what day or night it is, Rapaire was still emerging from visits from the spirits of Mudcat past and future without knowing of the Mall riots and Mudcat arguments that emerged while he was asleep. As Rap's dance of sugar thumb fairies faded from dreamland he noticed his Mossberg was not in the car but by his side and evidence of a melee was all around.

He had no way of knowing of the chemical reaction of green jello with nitrogen or the fighting words he muttered before his nap. Like a fuse to a nuclear bomb the fateful words that started the mean drunk debate was REAL MUDCAT MEMBERS.

Classical musicians were vilified for always stealing folk tunes for their compositions then the protest folkies fought with the olde timey crowd and the superiority of the Irish bounced off Dylan purists who insisted a Siamese cat on your head was critical for some reason then white national folk clashed with Leadbelly blues...

No one expected a Folk music Inquisition. Joe from animal control was feeding a horse and tending to business when Rap asked, "was Amos here last night? Joe said more like 2 nights ago, now there is a real...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 10:26 AM

Ah, Rikki-tikki-tavi...

Coming out of the corner, time for more whisky. Power's, hot. The saw side of the seesaw comin' up, literally and, since it now means figuratively, literally. Snicker.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 10:45 AM

Sorry bout that Mrrzy but admittedly your pecs are huge. Another 10 days of Christmas, One giant Wombat, 2 Cockatoos, Three...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 10:59 AM

In his dreams there is a shotgun, an H&H "Royal" side-by-side double, but even in his dreams he knows better. He stirs and touches his old, faithful, flintlock pistol. Even now, bitten through, it's what he's used and will use again on the King's Highway.

The baragator rouses him and gently helps him get outside of a hot buttered rum. "Aw-rock nerelee dun," the baragator says, and helps him to his feet. He looks around and quietly states, "This place is a mess."

From the jello pit comes an agreeing sucking sound as Squiddy eats one of the chickens.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 07:43 PM

Pecs et lux, baby. Pexs et lux.

Three squiggly squidlets
Four...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 08:32 PM

Four shots of whiskey
Five old time Kings

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Dec 16 - 08:54 AM

Six 'cats a-meowlin'
Seven banjoes howlin'...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Severn
Date: 28 Dec 16 - 11:22 PM

Uh, oh! The terrier picks up a Black and Decker weapon of choice from a toolbox and starts back toward the jello pit humming "Drill Ye Terriers, Drill"......

Does anybody even know the plural of "Mongoose"?....

The birds have stopped singing when they find out they're not getting paid. They walk off to a corner to huddle and talk and plot their revenge, singing "Union Mynah's Stand Together". Some drunken Old Left fool, thinking it's all part of the act, calls out a request for "The Internationale" but is ignored......

Not likibg it that the music has stopped and since one of the back doors of the Tavern, as used in past years, leads to a bright sunny beach. Ethel Myrrhmaid goes out toward the reef to practice some carols with her coral group, while out at the edge, the sponges watch from the porifera, absorbing it all.....

As she goes out, Ma Squid and a number of squidlings reenter the building.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 Dec 16 - 02:26 AM

Ebbie sits in the corner and sulks.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Senoufou
Date: 29 Dec 16 - 03:09 AM

Old lady laughs at all Severn's puns, then goes to sit with Ebbie, offering her yet another buttered crumpet and a nice cup of tea. Whisky is all very well, but nothing beats a nice cup of tea.
The Union of Mynahs then marches out with their banners, followed by old lady who is heading for the chorale beach, where she dons her low-cut bikini (not atoll too small for her) and relaxes in the warm sun, with the three Siamese cats.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Dec 16 - 08:17 AM

I might go out there and take off my remaining layer... any sour widow or whatever out there?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: frogprince
Date: 29 Dec 16 - 03:17 PM

At which point a weathered looking old frog hops in. "I was hoping to make it here a bit sooner", he notes, "but I had to hop to Minnesota and back first. I was especially hoping to meet Mrrzy in person; did someone say she was going out to the beach to skinny dip? which way did she go?

Mrzzy isn't what ? But I aways assumed...

          ...never mind...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Dec 16 - 03:56 PM

Unknown to everyone: Severn broke into Rap, has a new stage name Sir Pun Zeal, had minor plastic surgery and has completely made his songs and performance computer generated. He picked up some very cheap land near Bimini and sleeps in a bed of cash.

Support the Mynah Union.
I am for the birds.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Dec 16 - 04:12 PM

I'm sorry, Ebbie, I never meant to hurt your feelings. Honest. I just thought you could use a bit of help with the unidentified swimmer from the jello pit. Especially with everybody watching the Tennessee Brat Terrier. I apologize for making you sulk.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Severn
Date: 29 Dec 16 - 05:05 PM

The mynah birds reemerge and finding three strategic perches in the more crowded paert of the Tavern, just quietly sit and listen......

The terrier does a test press on the drill's trigger and finds it to be missing batteries and lays it aside. Admitting defeat the dog grabs a terrier cloth robe and towel and heads for the beach, passing Ethel Myrrhmaid returning, croaking as to how she's lost her singing voice completely.
    She goes to consult with Severn "Doc" Savage, a man of both bronze and brainz. Severn tells her to say, "Aaaah" and shines a pocket flashlight down her throat.
    "My voice was in fine shape when I went out to the reef," she rasps.
    Severn puts his chin in his hand and goes "Hmmmmm...." in true doctorly fashion and tells her, "I'm afraid you have polyps in your throat."
    "Does anyone know of a good cure?", Ethel says as loud as she can manage.
    "Hickory Smoke has always worked well for me." says Mmario from back at the stove. "You could go down to Virginia and take the Smithfield Cure.".......

The bats swoop down from the Belfry to try to figure out what a Wombat is.....