BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret

Subject: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 02:54 AM

She isn't too sure about this, but Carol says in the upcoming year, she needs to make some decisions regarding the direction her life is taking. She has tried to bury this in another thread, but her choice is between a new "Significant Other" and buying a ferret.

Carol hates to ask for help at times, so I thought we could put our two cents worth in here for her anyway. I know she respects the opinion of many 'Catters, so let's tell her our ideas.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: CarolC
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 03:10 AM

Spaw, it hasn't even started yet, but you've made my year, already.

Ok guys. Let's see what you have to say.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Joe Offer
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 03:29 AM

Well....I'm available.
On second thought, she might be better off with a ferret.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 03:31 AM

Well, at the risk of sounding too politically correct, I think you should find out what the ferret's opinion is.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: zander (inactive)
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 05:05 AM

ferret's are smelly obnoxious creatures, so not a lot to choose between there then. Blessings on you, Dave

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 05:28 AM

Well zander, and we must pay homage to Mark's point about being PC here, I think you have something worth investigating perhaps...........

So let's see here.......Joe Offer, a self confessed (and confession is big with Joe) potential suitor has recently referred to himself as "spiffy." Ferrets do have that musk thing and I haven't heard one described as "spiffy" so we do need to look into this potential difference. Here with the aid of a simple blue clicky, we can analyze Selection One and Selection Two (with choices). Hmmmm.........Very tough.

The decision process can be VERY difficult can't it?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Gervase
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 07:02 AM

I''d go for the ferret every time. Not every boyfriend can find you space in a crowded train, but keep a ferret in your pocket and you'll have all the breathing room in the world. They'll never nick your car or leave the seat up, either.
Now, if only they had better table manners...

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: kendall
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 08:14 AM

The breeder who sold me my dog says he has one that was returned at the age of 6 months. You could probably get a deal on him?? He doesn't have any balls, but, I expect some of the men in your life didn't either? (He NEVER leaves the seat up)! Remember what Harry Truman said "If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog."

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: GUEST,Noreen
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 08:50 AM

Hmmm- looks cuddly, sweet pink nose... I'd be a bit wary of the teeth...

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Morticia
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 09:01 AM

Well, lemme see......one is a vicious animal, with a nasty disposition, dubious personal hygiene and a tendency to turn on you, only interested in food and fornication.... and then there's the ferret..... a no-brainer I think you guys call it,yes? ( Only joking gentleman, honest!)

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Firecat
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 09:10 AM

Hmmmm...boyfriend or ferret? It's a bit like that advert with the little kid deciding between Daddy and chips. "chips!"

Having been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years, I can honestly say you'd be better off with the ferret!!

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: LR Mole
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 09:31 AM

Boy, are there a lot of entities and combinations to offend here, potentially. I recuse myself, except for observing that a ferret-accordian mishap is a horrifying prospect.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 09:42 AM

JOE OFFER IS AVAILABLE!?!?!? Be still, my heart!

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 09:46 AM

Hey Noreen....Are you referring to Joe Offer or the ferret?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Naemanson
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 10:00 AM

I don't know if you want either Joe or the ferret. Consider, everytime you opened your mouth to sing Joe would be there opening his books to make sure he already has that song catalogued. The ferret would be running up your pant leg or into some other opening in your clothing and making you laugh.

Guys, this decision is tougher than you think. Maybe a nice lesbian relationship is what you need to avoid the pitfalls of both men and ferrets.

Or, if you have your heart set on MALE companionship, and something that resembles a ferret, I'm available.

And I thought that I heard Brian whisper
As he stood in the fire's rosy light
"Well, you've had yerway long enough, dear...
'Tis the hairy side outside, tonight."

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 10:11 AM

Uh Brett......You say you RESEMBLE afeeret and I was wondering if you meant in looks or that you would be with Carol "running up your pant leg or into some other opening in your clothing and making you laugh." Just thought it might help Carol make a decision.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: CarolC
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 10:28 AM

"that you would be with Carol 'running up (her) pant leg or into some other opening in (her) clothing and making (her) laugh.'"

Actually, Spaw, that one sounds rather enticing.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 10:29 AM

"Love me, love my ferret", as they say.

Is it that he's jealous of the ferret, or scared of it? Either way it sounds a poor basis for a relationship.

Unless of course it's that he keeps pigeons or rabbits himself, which might be fair grounds for not having a ferret in his life.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From:
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 10:42 AM

Maybe you could just pit the two of them against each other in some sort of contest and keep whoever wins. You know, like Dueling To The Death Banjos or something.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Alice
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 11:36 AM

Is this thread going to Spaw(n) a "Joe Offer is available" thread? Be careful of what you ask for, Joe! You may need to petition St. Jude to turn off the personal messages ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Naemanson
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 11:45 AM

Carol, you just have to ask yourself, "What does Joe Offer?" Once you answer that to your satisfaction you can make your decision.

Also, you should consider all the undeserved negative press we men get in the world these days (things just haven't been the same since the days of the shirtwaist dress and pearls to greet the husband coming home from work). Now consider all the references to ferrets (dare I say, weasels?) in the modern vernacular. I know how I use the term "weasel" in my daily life and that is usually in sentences that include lawyers, politicians, and/or crooked contractors.

I'm off to sing and play!

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 12:25 PM

Well, let's see. I have hugged Joe Offer and sat and traded tunes with him. And I have THOUGHT about doing that with Naemanson (so near and yet so far), who BTW gives GREAT e-mail! So if the guy in question was either one of them or someone like them, they'd love the ferret too, and there ya'd be. I can definitely recommend either of these fine men.... plus Joe is retired and pretty mobile!! (Sorry Brett!)

I bet a ferret will never ask you to choose.... OK. Get the ferret and then see if the guy likes it or not. (He can't really say honestly till he sees you with the ferret curled up in your lap, fetchingly, see?) And if they like each other, and you like them, well, then you're all set.

On the other hand if the ferret kicks the guy outta bed, that's yer answer.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 12:33 PM

Be sure you're fully clothed when the ferret is curled up in your lap. I'd hate to see a potential suitor become Bobbitted.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: kendall
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 12:34 PM

Being available also has its drawbacks ya know..

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 12:37 PM

Yeah, you're right Kendall. Especially if you find yourself about to copulate with a lap dwelling ferret.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 12:52 PM

Well before you go haring off after ferrets, take a moment of reflection on the fate of young
Patrick Wright who described them as "Prozac on legs".

All furry little pointy things are NOT the same! :>)

Regards,

A.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: CarolC
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 03:23 PM

Back in the seventies, I had two ferrets, Biggles and Fang. (Named after the rogue Bishops in Monty Python's Flying Circus.)

Biggles was pretty gentle, but Fang thought of nothing but food. One day he grabbed the skin between my thumb and forefinger in his teeth. Not enough to hurt, but enough to be able to start pulling.

I thought this was interesting, so I let him pull me wherever he wanted to go. He pulled me right over to the corner where he use to like to eat his food.

I guess he thought he'd hit the jackpot.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: hesperis
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 03:38 PM

Get a hamster.

Boyfriends are a lot of work.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: wildlone
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 08:03 PM

Get the ferret.
At least you can housetrain them

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Sorcha
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 08:08 PM

You could also deep six both ideas and get a new computer....less care and feeding of either of the above. I always thought ferrets were so soft looking, then I got to touch one.....worse than a wire haired terrier, and they stink badly, even when de scented......NOTHING is worse that ferret poop.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: flattop
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 08:17 PM

Nothing?

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Sorcha
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 08:20 PM

nothing, not even Filipino "bluke"......

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: flattop
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 08:22 PM

You stumped me on that one.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Matt_R
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 08:22 PM

Try Bondo fumes...they're pretty insane. But come on...us guys aren't THAT bad, are we?

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Gypsy
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 11:06 PM

Ummm....creep, creep, creep. I'll put up hogshit as the worst smelling, over ferret debris! Or is it the capacity of a hog to eliminate?

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: MMario
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 11:12 PM

gypsy, I agree.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Sorcha
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 11:15 PM

Bluke is sort of like 1,000 yr old eggs......and I think it is the capacity of the critter----save us if ferrets put out as much as pigs......

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Naemanson
Date: 27 Dec 00 - 11:16 PM

If you want to talk about bad odors let's talk about a potato house in July, still full of last year's potatoes, growing sprouts and rotting, and stinking to high heaven.

Note: In Aroostook County, Maine, a potato house is where a potato farmer stores his crop before selling it for french fries, bakers, or starch.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Dec 00 - 12:21 AM

If you want to talk about bad odors how can you rule out men?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: mousethief
Date: 28 Dec 00 - 01:21 AM

I've never had a boyfriend or a ferret, so I really can't help you a lot, I fear. I've had a pet rat, which was a delight, and two wives, one of which is a delight and the other of which was a pain in the ass.

Time to use your lifeline.

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 28 Dec 00 - 02:20 AM

Well gee, Carol C., I'll throw my hat in the ring. Hope the ozone hole doesn't do a number on me without my hat...

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: zander (inactive)
Date: 28 Dec 00 - 03:10 AM

Sorry to dissapoint you Wildlone, you can no more housetrain a ferret than a man. Cheers, Dave

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: CarolC
Date: 28 Dec 00 - 03:30 AM

Having lived with both men and ferrets, I have to say I tend to lean slightly in favor of men. However, so much wisdom has been imparted on this thread, most of it in favor of the ferret.

I just don't know what to do.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Naemanson
Date: 28 Dec 00 - 06:30 AM

Life is short and eternity long,
Life ain't no fun if you handle it with tongs,
Ya gotta jump in, get some dirt on your hands,
So to hell with the ferrets, git yerself a man!

Besides, if you re-read my first post here you'll notice my coments about ferrets being weasels. If you choose the right man you can have both!

Unfortunately I can't help you on being both but maybe some of the others here... *BG*

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Dec 00 - 08:16 AM

A ferret may, in the long run, be better company and less of a problem, but sexist-ly speaking, you won't ever coerce a ferret to take out the garbage or change a flat tire. Need a box of books or a piece of furniture moved from one corner to the other? You'll have better luck getting a man to do that. And in keeping with the season, if you're taken with a cold or the flu, a man may be persuaded to prepare some consomme and bring it to the sick bed, whereas a ferret - well, you get the drift. Of course, there's always a trade-off. It depends on your priorities....

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: RichM
Date: 28 Dec 00 - 08:23 AM

Get a man.
Get a ferret.
Not necessarily in that order. You CAN have both!

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: CarolC
Date: 28 Dec 00 - 08:43 AM

Guest, you have a very compelling argument. Where do these particular men hang out, and what do I have to do to get one of them to follow me home?

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: Naemanson
Date: 28 Dec 00 - 08:55 AM

Actually I make a pretty good chicken soup and have received compliments on my back rubs.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Dec 00 - 09:08 AM

....here, maybe? Methinks there are many rational and progressively forward thinking members of the male persuasion (who also turn an eye to the 'traditional' perspective on things) that frequent these threads. The old saw comes to mind about the thing you're looking for often being right under your nose....

As for getting one of them to follow you home...hmmm. Just be yourself, that should suffice - and woo him with sweet strains of music from your accordion. If you take RichM's advice and opt for both, get the man to take care of the ferret for you.

Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Decision:NewBoyfriend or Ferret
From: GUEST,LynnT
Date: 28 Dec 00 - 09:17 AM

The Phillipine stuff is Baloot, not bluke -- it's fermented partially-developed chicken embryos, sold in the shell by street vendors. At least to this Westerner, the texture was every bit as revolting as the smell (think little cartilaginous bits in glue). I'm a Navy officer, and I encountered the stuff as part of "Truth Serums" administered to the junior-officer Defense Attorneys in old-style Chief's initiations some 20 years back. Haven't quite forgotten it yet.

Re housebreaking of men and ferrets: At least the ferrets are straightforward about it, and CAN be taught to use a litter basket, cat-style; the men let you THINK it may eventually be possible...

Lynn