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BS: Joke thread for 2025
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 11 Feb 25 - 08:37 AM Is that a joke, wit or wisdom? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Georgiansilver Date: 11 Feb 25 - 02:24 PM She was only the pilots daughter but she had a fur lined cockpit. She was only the tobacconists daughter but the best bit of shag in town. She was only the telegraphists daughter but she didit didit didit. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Bob the Postman Date: 12 Feb 25 - 10:57 AM She was Shostakovitch’s daughter but she certainly knew how to conduct herself. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 12 Feb 25 - 12:00 PM Hear about the new restaurant, Karma? There's no menu - you get what you deserve Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na... What do frogs wear on their feet? Open toad sandals |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Donuel Date: 12 Feb 25 - 02:12 PM She is only the President's daughter but she will be in charge of the Trump Gaza Plaza & Casinos as long as the Palestinians are deported to Greenland in which case Don Jr. hopes to open a heavy coat store and Seal blubber restaurants. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: gillymor Date: 12 Feb 25 - 05:09 PM oy! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: MaJoC the Filk Date: 13 Feb 25 - 11:56 AM I'll let someone else say " .... vey". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: gillymor Date: 13 Feb 25 - 04:39 PM I asked my wife if I'm the only one she's ever been with. She said, "Yes, the others were eights or nines" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Donuel Date: 14 Feb 25 - 07:18 AM gevalt |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: gillymor Date: 14 Feb 25 - 07:29 AM Watched an interesting doc last night about insane nudists called "I see You're Nuts". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 14 Feb 25 - 09:46 AM The doctor asked me why I had a steering wheel fastened to my underpants. I said it's driving me nuts... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Bill D Date: 14 Feb 25 - 12:55 PM I've always enjoyed humorous word play, so when I heard there was going to be a punning contest, I went down to see if a few to tickle my funny bone... But no pun in tendid.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke & pun thread for 2025 From: Mr Red Date: 15 Feb 25 - 04:18 AM A pundit eh? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 15 Feb 25 - 11:28 AM I suppose you think that's punny... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: gillymor Date: 15 Feb 25 - 12:17 PM You guys are just punderful. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: MudGuard Date: 15 Feb 25 - 12:57 PM Old song by ABBA: Punny, Punny, Punny must be punny in a rich man's word ... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke & paronamasia thread for 2025 From: Mr Red Date: 16 Feb 25 - 05:00 AM I saw a pot plant being sold off cheap, so bought it for the GF for Valentine's Day. A special offer, for a special lady She laughed. But otherwise unimpressed! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: gillymor Date: 16 Feb 25 - 06:18 AM USA played Canada last night in the 4 Nations Playoff and there were 3 gloves-off fights in the first 9 seconds of playing time. Reminded me of the old Rodney Dangerfield joke, "I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: MaJoC the Filk Date: 16 Feb 25 - 07:02 AM Presleyopia: causes the sufferer to see Elvis working in the chip shop, the supermarket etc. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 16 Feb 25 - 07:11 AM You are a PTerry fan aren't you MaJoC? Do you reckon the whole of Soul Music was geared to the line where the hero ends up working in the local chip shop? :-D |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: MaJoC the Filk Date: 16 Feb 25 - 08:33 AM Nah, DtG: that punchline was just a bonus. .... As it happens, I'm a rock guitarist in remission. Whenever I read Soul Music, I find it messes summat cruel with my wetware. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: gillymor Date: 16 Feb 25 - 08:40 AM Are you guys Spamming us? I'm getting a link to ThomasHardydigital in your posts.
-Joe Offer- |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Donuel Date: 16 Feb 25 - 08:56 AM My Abracalabrador is magical and is fairly wild but meditates. I call him aware wolf. He eats pooched eggs for breakfast and has collar ID on his bone. But if you ask him anything about baseball he always says Ruth even if the correct answer is Ohtani. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Mr Red Date: 17 Feb 25 - 08:22 AM Ruth eh? Is he your Babe? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Georgiansilver Date: 17 Feb 25 - 10:13 AM I asked my ex if I was the only man she ever slept with...she replied 'Of course!! All the others kept me awake all night.' |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Georgiansilver Date: 18 Feb 25 - 09:29 AM A small town had three churches: Presbyterian, Methodist, and Catholic. All three had a serious problem with squirrels in the church building and each, in its own fashion, had a meeting to deal with the problem. The Presbyterians decided that it was predestined that squirrels be in the church and that they would just have to live with them. The Methodists decided that the situation needed dealing with humanely and strapped the squirrels before moving them to the local park. Within 3 days they returned. The Catholics decided the best idea would be to baptise them, which they did. Now they only see them at Easter and Christmas. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: MaJoC the Filk Date: 19 Feb 25 - 09:50 AM Fresh this morning: What do you call a showoff dinosaur on a Harley-Davidson? A wheeliesaurus. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Naemanson Date: 20 Feb 25 - 05:27 PM Georgiansilver, re: Squirrels in church I heard there was also a synagogue in town. It was also plagued by squirrels until the rabi started circumcising them. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: gillymor Date: 20 Feb 25 - 06:57 PM This woman got breast implants made of wood. It would be great if this joke had a punchline... ...wooden tit? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: MudGuard Date: 21 Feb 25 - 02:16 AM gillymor, in German (at least in Bavarian), there is the expression "Sie hat viel Holz vor der Hütte" ("she has a lot of wood in front of the hut/cabin") which refers to a woman's breasts ... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 21 Feb 25 - 04:51 AM We live near Haworth and see plenty jokes with variations on "Bronte saw us" :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: gillymor Date: 21 Feb 25 - 06:02 AM MudGuard, we used to say, she's got a big front porch and a swinging back door. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: gillymor Date: 21 Feb 25 - 07:50 AM A pedophile, rapist and priest enter a bar. He orders a beer. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 21 Feb 25 - 01:52 PM You are going straight to hell, gillymor :-D |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: gillymor Date: 21 Feb 25 - 04:20 PM Considering the sitch over here, Dave, it might be an improvement. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 22 Feb 25 - 06:32 AM gillymor - :-D Before we get too political though, a couple from Steve :-) A bloke sees a blind man with a dog at the bus stop. Suddenly, the dog cocks its leg up and pees down the blind man's leg. "Hey, mate, your dog's just peed on your leg!" "Ah, thanks for telling me that." Upon which the blind man pulls a doggie treat out of his pocket and gives it to the dog. "Hey, surely you're not rewarding the dog for peeing on you!" "Nah. I'm just finding out which is its front end so that I can kick its arse..." A woman is upstairs in bed with a bad leg. The doctor calls round and the husband shows him upstairs. Five minutes later the doc comes down and asks if he can borrow a screwdriver. Ten minutes later he comes down again, asking for a saw and a pair of pliers this time. The chap is frantic by now. "What's going on, doc? What are you doing up there? Is her leg worse than we thought?" Sez the doc, "I haven't a clue, mate. I'm still trying to get my medical bag open..." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Fred Date: 22 Feb 25 - 01:09 PM Solve this: If Mr & Mrs Bigger have a baby, which of the Bigger's is the biggest? Fred |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Fred Date: 22 Feb 25 - 01:37 PM I'll tell you... The baby because it's a little Bigger! :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 24 Feb 25 - 08:06 AM A few Roman jokes from an erstwhile contributor A Roman centurion went into a bar and said to the barman, "I'll have a martinus please." The barman said, "Do you mean 'martini'?" The centurion said, "Look, pal, if I'd wanted two I'd have ASKED for two..." An ancient Roman is trying on some new clothes. He turns to his wife and asks her, " Does my gluteus look maximus in this toga?" A rather overweight tourist goes into a clothes shop in ancient Rome and asks the assistant, "Do you have XL togas?" "Certainly sir, but why do you want so many?" Most Romans don't think that Cleopatra is beautiful, but that's the way Julius Caesar... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 24 Feb 25 - 08:07 AM I went in the hardware shop today and asked what was best to clean ovens "Ammonia cleaner" said the assistant "Sorry, I thought you were on customer service..." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Jokes from QI thread for 2025 From: Mr Red Date: 25 Feb 25 - 06:46 AM One from Stephen Fry "My Great Uncle had his tongue shot off in the war - he never talks about it" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Neil D Date: 26 Feb 25 - 03:53 AM Here's one for that guy that hates puns. What do you call a magician who lose his magic? Ian. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Bill D Date: 26 Feb 25 - 08:57 AM In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.' The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?' She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.' The defense attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair...!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Fred Date: 26 Feb 25 - 12:24 PM Can you guys get me a copy of The Flying Machine by L.E.Copter? :) Fred |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: MaJoC the Filk Date: 26 Feb 25 - 01:41 PM Thanks, Bill D; that's the best and most enlightening thing I've read all day. Much mirth ensued when I showed it to Herself just now. --- Oops: just looked at my original notes, and my contribution above should have involved "a stunt dinosaur on a motorbike". Silly me. Now to try the corrected version on the grandchildren .... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: gillymor Date: 26 Feb 25 - 03:27 PM Lol, Bill. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Fred Date: 26 Feb 25 - 04:04 PM A man goes into a pet shop to buy a bird. The lady owner says "Sorry, sir, we don't sell birds" and the man says "Well that's funny cos I've been told you've had a cockatoo!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: gillymor Date: 26 Feb 25 - 08:12 PM A new study reveals that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who comment on it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: Fred Date: 28 Feb 25 - 04:16 PM lol gillymor Fred |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025 From: MaJoC the Filk Date: 01 Mar 25 - 07:54 AM Q: Is tripe kosher? AI: It depends on the religion of your cow. |
