BS: Second Joke Thread of 2010

Subject: RE: BS: Second Joke Thread of 2010
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 01:09 PM

"Oh, Schnapps!"

The minister of a city church enjoyed a drink now
and then, but his passion was for homemade peach brandy.
One of his congregants would make him a bottle
each Christmas.

One year, when the minister went to visit his friend,
hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not
disappointed, but his friend told him that he had
to thank him for the peach brandy from the pulpit
the next Sunday.

In his haste to get the bottle, the minister hurriedly
agreed and left. So the next Sunday the minister
suddenly remembered that he had to make a
public announcement that he was being supplied
alcohol from a member of the church. That morning,
his friend sat in the church with a grin on his face,
waiting to see the minister's embarrassment.

The minister climbed into the pulpit and said, "Before
we begin, I have an announcement. I would very
much like to thank my friend, Joe, for his kind gift of
peaches ... and for the spirit in which they were given!"

Subject: RE: BS: Second Joke Thread of 2010
From: framus
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 01:30 PM

Hi Dave-O,
Nice to find someone else with nothing to do on this most auspicious of days - and not a bad joke either.
The previous one reminds me of the bloke who was convinced his wife was having it off with the milkman, so spied on his house after leaving for work one morning.
Delighted to see the milkman arrive, leave the milk and immediately go back to his float, he rushed back home to find the wife at the sink, washing up. He approached from behind, stuck his hand between her legs to hear her say "Two loaves and a crusty please, baker".
Davy (junior?)

Subject: RE: BS: Second Joke Thread of 2010
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 04:50 PM

And there's the guy who asked the gorgeous blonde barmaid for a date.
From immediately behind him came a voice, belonging to the 6-1/2 foot tall burly bartender: "That's my wife. Now, what'll you have?"
.....and the guy responded, "Er, I'd like a piece of beer."

Subject: RE: BS: Second Joke Thread of 2010
From: framus
Date: 26 Dec 10 - 03:18 PM

Sorry Dick, I don't get it.
Anyway, reading back through the thread I was reminded of the bloke who brought his (v. large) dog into the bar.
"This will beat any dog you've got" he says.
The barman says "Could he beat my yoke out in the yard?"
"No trouble - let's say a tenner."
Out back, the bloke's dog is polished off in ten seconds flat.
Parting with his tenner, he says "What sort of dog is that?"
"It's a long-nosed, short-legged terrier - some people call it a crocodile."
Happy Pugilism Day, Davy.

Subject: RE: BS: Second Joke Thread of 2010
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 26 Dec 10 - 06:55 PM

Framus, note that he didn't want "a glass/mug/bottle" of beer.

When a guy looks at a pretty girl, what does he maybe want "a piece of"?

Subject: RE: BS: Second Joke Thread of 2010
From: framus
Date: 26 Dec 10 - 07:29 PM

Uncle.
Piece of (gl)ass?
But where does the beer come in?
Dave.

Subject: RE: BS: Second Joke Thread of 2010
From: Bev and Jerry
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 02:19 AM

Confucius say, "He who laughs last has to have the joke explained to him."

Bev and Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: Second Joke Thread of 2010
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 08:35 AM

Some people call Tantric Sex "The Plumber Position" ~~~ you stay in all day & nobody comes.

Subject: RE: BS: Second Joke Thread of 2010
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 08:45 AM

Framus, the guy is in a bar, and the BARTENDER challenges what he wants. What can he say that won't be objectionable to the burly bartender?

Subject: RE: BS: Second Joke Thread of 2010
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 11:35 AM

besides, the beer comes in the glass, Dave!

Subject: RE: BS: Second Joke Thread of 2010
From: framus
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 09:44 PM

Mea maxima culpa - whatever that means.

Subject: RE: BS: Second Joke Thread of 2010
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 28 Dec 10 - 08:36 AM

"Bravery and Obedience"

Two generals, one from the Army, and one from
the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy
Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest.

To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over
an airman: "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and
once you are at the top, sing 'Wild Blue Yonder',
and then jump off!"

"YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole
like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and
jumps off, hitting the ground at attention.

The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims
the general.

"Bravery, nothing," snorts the Army general. "Get over
here, private!"

"YES SIR!!" replies the private.

"Put on full combat gear, load your rucksack with these
rocks, scale that flagpole, come to attention, present
arms, and sing the National Anthem, salute each of us,
and then climb back down, head first."

"YES SIR!!" replies the private, and completes the task.

"Now that is a brave man! Beat that!!"

They look to the Marine. "Private," he says.

"YES SIR!!"

"Put on full combat gear. Put these two dogs in your pack.
Using only one hand, climb that flagpole. At the top, sing
'The Halls of Montezuma', put your knife in your teeth, and
dive off, headfirst."

The private snaps to attention, looks at the general and
says, "TO HELL WITH YOU SIR!!"

The general turns to the others and says, "Now THAT'S bravery!"

Subject: RE: BS: Second Joke Thread of 2010
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 04:06 PM

Okay, allabody, let's consider this thread closed, and go to the next, the 1st Joke Thread of 2011.