Subject: RE: Davey Graham: what a waste
From:
Barry Finn
Date: 27 Oct 07 - 01:39 AM
Junkies & alcoholics are different from each other. The drunk has it harder because alcohol is easier to get, more additive (smoking is found to be more addictive than both), mentally & physcially harder to kick than most drugs (methadone being an exception), it's socially more acceptable, it's far easier to be a functioning alcoholic than it is for a junkie & then the legal issues surrounding both favor the drinker. The conditions aren't all that different though both are dependant phyically, mentally & spiritually, it's become their best friend & eventually their only friend. It's gonna be hard to give it up, it's the only thing that gives them comfort, escape, a reason for living, a sense of excitment, a cure from boredrom, the one thing that makes them feel worthy & exceptable & wards off the loneliness & it will stick by them till death do they part.
Almost all alcoholics & junkies can't get a handle on their sicknesses by themselves (there are the few exceptions), they cannot help themselves,,,,yet. It's hard for them to even admit it & see it. That's their 1st step to recovery, to see that they 1st have a problem. Most can't see that they've a real problem, they lie to themselves & tell themselves it's not yet that bad & they can handle it & even then most aren't even willing to or don't have the disire to be saved & even if they did they don't know how to be saved once they're ready. There's none (that I can think of) that I've ever known (& I've known more than just a few hundred) that didn't have to hit absolute rock botton (once they're really addicted) before they are willing or even capable of saying to themselves I need some kind of help & yes, I want help & that's the easiest part for them & it's only the begining, just getting to there is so hard & many can't even get that far. Rock botton isn't just poor health or I'm broke. Rock bottom is when there's no one left in your world that's there for you, what ever you once had is gone. Your money is usually 1st then your spouse & kids & house, your car then your job after that, then it starts to get personnal, you lose your friends then your family then goes your health (well it's already been in serious decline), you have no place to eat (even if you had something to eat), sleep or shit, you are lucky if you end up in jail. Then you lose your humanity, respect has been long gone but if you can trade any body parts or functions you'll sell those in a second. Still this isn't close enough to bottom for many, eventually death is the stopper for a lot. Once the bottom is hit then it's time for the help but the afflicted don't have the resources nor the tools or the knowledge to rise above their conditions & even if they do it's mighty hard for them to pass the temptation to go back. AA has them toughening it out day by day & they need that support system for God knows how long, that should be changed to residential treatment centers but then you've got all the reasons, some good & some bad against that.
Many have to fall & fail a lot before they're able to really find their legs to keep walking (each time they fail it's so much worst for themboth getting back on drugs & getting off again). I've only met a few (actually only 2) who've made it with out some kind of residental rehabilition therapy or treatment & still function without the day to day need for constant support like AA. Here in the US there's very long waiting lists or you need an awful lot of money, at least for drug rehabilition AA is different. The time when a junkie says please help me can quickly fade with weakness if the waits to long & junkies if they have the money it's gonna feed their habit before it gets spent on getting them help.
When they are ready for help they 1st find out that the drug or drink is their best & only friend & that the old habits die hard as do the old haunts & habitats. They then have to find a new way to rebuild a new life & style completely alien to their old one otherwise they'll trap themselves & set themselves up to fail by placing themselves in positions that they're years away from handling properly (remember they've never handled anyting properly before & have to learn). They need to find a new career or profession that they can coup with, new hobbies that will focus on helping them with being bored & give them a sense of excitment, in these they'll hopefully find friends which helps with the extreme loneliness that those that go it alone feel. One doesn't learn how to do these things & so much more on their own, that's why only a handful make it. Out of the hundreds that I've know I can count on 1 hand how many have made it (aside from the 2 I mentioned above). The odds are way less than 1 in 100, probably closer to 1 in 1000, that's why it looks like such a hopeless situation to those trying to recover, they begin to relize what the odds are
.
Yes it's self inflicted & they alone have to chose to do it, but it's a pity that there's not much it the way of preventive education, funds, funds & more funds, true accessable recovery centers that are affordable, with decent staff instead of ex's running the programs & the willingness to see them as criminals instead of victums of a sickness & in part of a society. For some (maybe even more like for many) it starts as a way to just self medicate, that's what's really a crying shame.
Anyway, Davey has it tough & if I knew him I'd feel awful for him but I wouldn't give him a dollar that would contribute to him continuing his self abuse. His manger ought to be shot.
Barry
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sj
