BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk

Subject: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 01:31 PM

What the hell are you doing? Geeziz Hawkster...Did you wake up the other day wondering about the Best, Worst, and Most Unusual or what? We got like a hundred and ninety two threads from you in 48 hours wondering about things from the worst case of venereal warts to the longest known slug trail............Didja' get ahold of some exceptionally potent happy pills? If so, I'd lay off the narcotic before it leaves your ass null and void.

Listen you jackass jadrool, I'd suggest you get hold of yourself but I think you already have so stop the wanking and get a different grip....................maybe if you use the other hand or something huh?   Just step back and don't breathe on me.........Whatever is wrong with you is no small thing.....unlike your pecker.                           

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Alba
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 01:35 PM

Those last few words seem to be a compliment LH!
I think!!! The rest of Spaw's post may be based apon concern for your well being....Oh I am so out of this thread!

LOL
Jude

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 01:36 PM

But....Spaw...you are my inspiration, man. I mean, those incredible stories you wrote about Paw and Cletus and the Reg Boys (how many of them were there?) and the Little Pissant and stuff like that. I have been trying to equal that outpouring of inane crap ever since I arrived here, and still haven't quite made it to the mark. It is only my desire to emulate you and possibly draw near to your magnificence that keeps me going.

I also yearn to talk dirty like you do, but I just can't summon up the nerve. (sigh)

One day greatness shall be mine too!

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: bobad
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 01:38 PM

So that's it.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 01:40 PM

Jealousy rears its ugly head.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 01:41 PM

Ah, but Spaw was always sparing, if not exactly sparse. Besides there is only one Spaw (pray God).

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 01:43 PM

So? There's only one of me too!

(Oh...great straight line, folks! Come on, I know you can do it...)

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: artbrooks
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 01:55 PM

I visualize LH's parents looking down upon him in his little crib and saying, "oh my god, what have we done?" Whereupon they BOTH go in for some minor elective surgery.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 01:58 PM

What an uncharitable thing to say, artbrooks! You sir, have worn out your welcome with me, and you will NOT be receiving any more of those little embroidered items in the mail. Don't bother pleading. It won't do any good.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: artbrooks
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 02:05 PM

Oh darn! Now what shall I give my cat to shred and hide underneath the bookcase?

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 02:16 PM

Hmmm. Why am I picturing a two-sided coin?

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Jeri
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 02:24 PM

There ought to be a BableFish thing that adds profanity and colorful verbiage to your statements. Hawk, if you underwent as many medical procedures that deprived your brain of oxygen as Spaw has, you might have abilities closer to your roll [sic] model. Maybe it was just the drugs in the 60s or 70s, or the syph has reached his brain.

Nevertheless, Spaw has bigger dogs than you and his Weimers could eat your wieners for lunch.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 02:32 PM

I thought there were a lot - I was having a job keeping up with them!

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 02:37 PM

It's bin goin' on a heck of a loooong time folks

"Subject: Why are most mudcatters human?
From: Little Hawk - PM
Date: 15 Jul 00 - 04:20 PM

As long as we're trying to find out why most mudcatters are white and heterosexual, this is obviously a question worth asking, don't you think? I mean, it's really quite surprising that we don't have a solid contingent of felines, considering we are mudCATTERS, after all. Then too, my dog howls every time I play the harmonica. Why isn't he a mudcatter? Maybe if we changed the name to the "Muddog Cafe"... We don't have any Martians either. By golly, I think it's time we got to the bottom of this. Without delay."

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 03:08 PM

Ah, yes...that was a lovely one.

Thanks for the cute weiner dog link, Jeri!

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 03:09 PM

Umm...that's wiener dog, I mean...

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 03:10 PM

Weineraner?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Jeri
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 03:12 PM

No thanks, I just had lunch.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Charley Noble
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 03:44 PM

I'll have mine with saurerkrut and Mr. Musturd!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: RangerSteve
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 05:25 PM

In reference to Spaw's opening comments, I happen to own the longest Slug trail - it's on display in an oak case in my living room. The slug wasn't there when I dug the trail up, so I had one recreated out of marzipan. As for the largest venereal wart - I'd be interested in how Spaw and LH work that one out. I don't have any and I'm not showing them to anyone anyway.

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Peace
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 05:26 PM

Oh, yes, venerable warts.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: GUEST,Dickey
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 06:58 PM

I don't mind Little Hawk but why do those Canadians send their geese down here every year to crap all over the place?

Maybe this is what Dianavan meant when she said "Give em shit Canada"

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Peace
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 07:22 PM

Dickey, you have just pointed out a national embarrassment. But, in the words of a fellow I knew in the 1960s in NYC, "It's good shit, man, good shit."

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Peace
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 07:23 PM

BTW, now that THAT door is open: Is the export of fertilizer covered under NAFTA?

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 08:24 PM

Ha! Ha! (snort!) Good one, Dickey...

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Gurney
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 02:04 AM

Artbrooks, I'm a little slow today. Why would Littlehawk's parents BOTH opt for the surgery?
Unless you left out a line such as "He's got your chin and my nose!"

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 02:19 AM

I think the procedures to which Art was referring would be a vasectomy for Dad and a tubaligation for Mom. Having either procedure done would probably prevent them from making the same mistake again, but for absolute, 100% certainty, do 'em both.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: artbrooks
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 06:33 AM

And then take vows of chastity.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: beardedbruce
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 07:04 AM

The problem is that the Canada Geese are STAYING down here, year-round.

One has to wonder what they know that has slipped past LH.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 09:09 AM

More of them dag-slabbed illegal immygrants! Gather 'em up and send 'em all back to Cannyda, I say! They only comes here ta take advantage of the US's great social programs like Medycare and in-state tooishuns and ta vote fer the Demmycrits so that they'll git a law passed making Spanglish er Franglish er another of them furrin langwajes the official langwaj of the US of A and that ain't what us vettyrans fought and died fer! Send 'em all back and if any of 'em tries ta cross the border jist shoot 'em!

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: dianavan
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 12:05 PM

Give em verbal crap, Little Hawk!

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 12:17 PM

Us real-blooded Amuricans don't need none of that IMported Canadyan crap. We god us plenty of home-growed crap and if you don't believe me you just go talk to Congress and the Pressydent and THEY'LL set ya straight!

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 12:24 PM

It may be rubbish; but it's Canuck rubbish!

G.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 12:43 PM

Heh! Heh! And the crap rolls on....

The Canada Geese are simply the advance scouts on our plan of attack here. We intend to bury the USA under mountains of crap and then take over. The 2nd and 3rd waves will involve moose and beavers.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 01:23 PM

Sorry, Little Hawk, think again! Your have omitted the likely effects of global warming in your crap burying calculations. The few inroads your Canadian species have made in crap distribution will soon be negated as your geese, moose and beavers begin to move northward as things warm up. In fact, they'll probably all move well north of the Canada/US border and more southernly species will migrate northward to take their places. Don't be surprised if Toronta and vicinity are buried under armadillo and alligator crap within the next fifty years.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 01:25 PM

And Toronto, too. I have no idea where Toronta is.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 01:30 PM

Americans usually say "Tronna" when they mean Toronto. That's one way of spotting an American tourist right off.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 03:07 PM

"We intend to bury the USA under mountains of crap and then take over. The 2nd and 3rd waves will involve moose and beavers." Little Hawk

You surprise me, LH. Are you telling us that living on maountains of crap is the only setting where Canadians are comfortable?

Americans (as in the Staters) make good use of their animal crap.I guess we are different from you after all.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 03:13 PM

Well, no, Ebbie. We are comfortable in a number of other settings as well. Hot tubs come to mind. And tropical beaches.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 03:15 PM

Tell em not to pile it too high LH, otherwise they might elect it to run the country!
G.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 03:20 PM

Hmm. But could it really get any worse than it is now?

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Amos
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 04:21 PM

BEsides, Oh Wily But Impractical Canuck, how ya gonna get more than a few meese and beavers airborne?


A

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 04:25 PM

He's going to adapt one of these of course Amos!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 04:52 PM

Impressive. I wonder how much a full-sized moose chucker would cost? Hmm. I think it might exceed our available military budget to make enough of those to have a real impact.

No, we are thinking of suspending the moose from hot air balloons. As for the beaver, they will make their way down along key waterways and then fan out in all directions. They will dam all important lines of communication.

You have no idea what you're in for. Resistance is futile. The words "Shock and Awe" are, I think, appropriate ones to describe the overall effect.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 05:06 PM

The Idaho legion stands always ready to repel any invasion from Canada!

Well, mostly. Some of the Legion prefer to sit and others won't be vertical until the booze wears off.

Remember: The Legion Dies, But Never Surrenders!*











*Except in cases of rain, snow, and other adverse weather conditions; numerically superior enemy forces; acts of God; or in cases of war, insurrection, riot, or rebellion.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 05:10 PM

Y'all might run into a problem there...............

For many years, the Bob Evans Farms Sausage Company would have a field day open to the public on their actual farm down in Rio Grande, Ohio. One of the many events they had was a chicken flying contest. The chickens were in mail boxes 4 foot off the ground and you had to yell or poke at or generally aggravate the chicken until he left the box on her "flight" and they measured the distance. This actually went on for a number of years until the inevitable happened.

A big doofus of a redneck hilljack walked up to his chicken in the mailbox and from somewhere in his bibs produced a ball bat. With a mighty swing before anyone could do anything to stop it, Bubba slammed the back of the mailbox. Amidst a cacophony of "BBRRUUUUCCCKKK" sounds and a small cloud of feathers the chicken was launched into deep right.........and ended any further chicken flying both then and for all time in the future.

I would write this off as legend but embarassingly enough, I was there.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Becca72
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 05:26 PM

We intend to bury the USA under mountains of crap and then take over. The 2nd and 3rd waves will involve moose and beavers." Little Hawk


Uh-Oh....I think we've got a few of these terrorist cells right here in my home state of Maine...You can tell because the native moose and beavers don't wear tuques...

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: LukeKellylives (Chris)
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 07:43 PM

I've never been more lost in my life. It's hard to tell who's for and who's against Hawk...Doesn't really matter, I guess, though.

Remember:

Arguing over the internet is like running in the special olympics.

Even if you win...


You're still retarded.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: The Length
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 07:46 PM

I happen to like what Littlehawk writes, read some of his stuff earlier.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 07:54 PM

Not to worry, guys. Spaw is just having a little fun at my expense, and probably wondering how the heck I can have so much time on my hands.