BS: conversation stoppers

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 12 Feb 01 - 09:01 PM

one fragment overheard at a pub. "Its just that I dont want to be used as a toothpick" . . Liz Carroll the great fiddler from Chicago, said her husband related their 5 year old daughters words as they came back from a demolition derby. "When I grow up I want to crush cars with my nipples." Liz wrote a reel called crushed cars. great tune. petr

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: Mrrzy
Date: 12 Feb 01 - 09:48 PM

A friend (really, this wasn't me) was in the checkout line once, laid a nice, discreet, quiet fart, and then tried to kind of walk past it. Suddenly up pipes her three-year-old from the kid part of the cart she's pushing - really loudly - I smell Mommy farts! Silence fell around her from checkout lines on either side - poor thing couldn't even pretend it wasn't her kid! But what do people use when they want to stop a conversation?

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: Melani
Date: 12 Feb 01 - 10:20 PM

My recently departed aunt was unfortunately schizophrenic, and could be very weird at times. Once during one of her stranger phases, she went to visit her sister at her summer cabin, at a time when there were other guests. She was totally peculiar, wearing sloppy clothes, not combing her hair, and making all manner of strange statements. Aunt #2 found it very trying. One night at dinner, during a lull in the conversation, Auntie Weirdo inquired brightly, "Well, did you hear they found Napolean's penis?" THAT was a conversation stopper, for sure. After a silence, the subject was tactfully changed.

When Aunt #2 arrived home, she found her mail waiting for her on the kitchen table, and began thumbing through a "Time" magazine. There she found a story relating the discovery by somebody or other of a withered scrap of flesh thought to be Napolean's penis, removed by his doctor after his death, apparently as a souvenir. It turned out to be the only normal thing Auntie Weirdo had said all weekend!

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: sophocleese
Date: 12 Feb 01 - 10:33 PM

My first year at University and I'm sitting in the college pub with a couple of friends who don't want me drumming on the tabletop along with the music. The music comes to an end and, clear as a bell, a voice from the other side of the room says, "I'm on a new diet this week, KY jelly and sperm!" Silence. Then my friends say, "Quick start drumming!"

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: Seth
Date: 13 Feb 01 - 08:06 AM

I have adopted children of different races and have also been a foster parent for older kids for many years. So we deal with whatever with our kids. In the locker room at the YMCA. Lots of guy talk "What did you do over the weekend Bob?"kinds of stuff> Golf, golf, golf;sailboat, sailboat, sailboat;computer, computer, computer; fixit, fixit,football, football, football:- Over to me "Seth, we didn't see you down here on Saturday...." Me " Oh,yeah, I was up in Tacoma at the beautician with my daughter, getting her hair extensions re-done." A full thirty seconds of dead air, the only sound being the showers running, before somone else picked up the guy thread again. Seth from China

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: Wesley S
Date: 13 Feb 01 - 08:59 AM

"Excuse me - are farts supposed to be lumpy??"

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: MMario
Date: 13 Feb 01 - 09:09 AM

"Do you have a tune for those lyrics?"

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: grumpy al
Date: 13 Feb 01 - 03:31 PM

with appologies to Melani

I used to be schizophrenic but we're alright now.

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: grumpy al
Date: 13 Feb 01 - 03:41 PM

Just got this one from a friend, apparently over heard at a bluegrass festival.

Q; what is the definition of perfect pitch?

A; tossing a banjo into the skip without hitting the sides

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: CarolC
Date: 13 Feb 01 - 03:49 PM

"My water just broke."

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: Wesley S
Date: 13 Feb 01 - 03:51 PM

Followed by - "How would you like to be the father of my children?? "

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: Jim Krause
Date: 13 Feb 01 - 04:08 PM

Pushing back your chair at a dinner party, you sigh and contentedly say "I have had a sufficiency of the fanciful." You wait for the expected look of incomprehension, and respond "I've had a physic and my pants are full."

Said with a big smile on your face as you are about to leave, "I don't know when I've had a good time!"
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: CamiSu
Date: 13 Feb 01 - 04:45 PM

The one one when I was on the phone...

"My dog just got hit by a car!!"

Dog was a bit bruised, but basically fine. Driver was a bit distraught. (Black dog on a dark night. Thank goodness our new neighbors were quick thinking and when they couldn't get the dog out of the path ofthe car, they shone their flashlight on her, giving the driver half a chance to slow down!)

My friend has one, when asked what she does. "I'm a pathologist." Autopsies immediately come to mind.

CamiSu

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: RichM
Date: 13 Feb 01 - 04:59 PM

Camisu has a friend who is a pathologist. I wish my dad had been a pathologist.
I would have loved to bring him to school for "show and tell" :
ie, "what my dad does at work"...

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: Helen
Date: 13 Feb 01 - 05:00 PM

Liz, you're right. Just a brain-blip. Er.. there is a character called Maria in West Side Story isn't there?

Helen (wandering away mumbling incoherently)

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: Seth
Date: 13 Feb 01 - 10:50 PM

This was told to me by a friend. From a Conservative Jewish family, she had been living with her kids on a Canadian island, far from anything appearing Jewish. She takes her kids to Florida, after ten years, to meet her parents. Bit of a reconciliation. At the Fountainbleau? Hotel in Miami,daughter in the gift shop, yells to Mom across the lobby, "Hey,Mom! Are we Jewish??" Seth from China

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 14 Feb 01 - 03:49 AM

Actually my wife's godfather was a forensic pathologist who dealt with many gory crimes and had a very booming voice (he also taught in med school in Birmingham). Apparently he could empty restaurants with his anecdotes faster than I can empty bars with my singing, and you never knew what he'd produce from his pockets...!
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: Katcina
Date: 15 Feb 01 - 03:33 AM

I am enjoying reading this one so I decided to refresh it before it dropped off the face of things.

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: Helen
Date: 15 Feb 01 - 05:41 AM

Roger-t-s,

You've just reminded me of the time when I shared a house with 2 medical interns. The dinner table conversation was often a detective-story type guessing game they played where one doctor would name a symptom and the other would try to guess what the disease was. Another symptom was named each time the other doctor guessed wrong.

It made me decide that I'd rather die than be treated by the male doctor, but I'd go anywhere to consult the female one. He kept jumping to conclusions very early in the game and then refused to be swayed in his decision by any of the symptoms named after that.

As for dinner time conversations - the rest of us were too busy trying to hang on to the contents of our stomachs to make polite conversation.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: Peter K (Fionn)
Date: 15 Feb 01 - 09:37 AM

Heard recently: "Excuse us itching, but we'e both got fleas."

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: walkinman
Date: 16 Feb 01 - 08:30 AM

".....if I said, you've got a beautiful body, would ya' hold it against me?"

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Feb 01 - 08:44 AM

and that ties right in with, "Let's get something straight between us."

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Feb 01 - 09:30 AM

SETH --- As another long time foster/adoptive parent, I know of what you speak. What becomes natural in "your" world, sounds really strange to someone not familiar. Sometimes its fun just to do it on purpose though......maybe a bit cruel.....but if you handle it right, it can be interesting. Our boys are a great example.

Some poor soul will start off with, "My, aren't they cute," and the like and in an effort to say something, virtually everyone cranks out the same old, "They really look like you." Now our boys are same race, but in point of fact they bear no resemblance to either Karen or I. They DO look a bit like each other although they are not genetically related. At this point you have a choice:

"They really look like you!"
"They're adopted."

That's generally a stopper. Then you smile and say thanks and put them at ease discussing how lucky we are etc. BUT.....You can wait for another in our case, becasuse they do look alike:

"Are they twins?" "No, they're nine and a half months apart." (true)
"My, that must have been hard on your wife."
"No, not really.....they're adopted."

Although it sets some nice folks back a little, I can generally get them to have a laugh and then talk about adoption and fostering. We've gotten a few recruits just that way. Of course for those patronizing sorts that are just passing the time, I just use the stopper with a little smile. Generally shuts them right up.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers
From: Firecat
Date: 17 Feb 01 - 08:42 AM

When I was in Year 11,I had a horrible Technology teacher who was forever moving me away from my friends because they'd dropped Tech and I hadn't. Anyway one lesson (about a fortnight before the start of my GCSE's) she came up and asked me to move, and then went away before I did. Ten minutes later I was still there and she came up and sid "Katy, I told you to move". I was angry as it was, if I hadn't been I don't think I would have replied with "And I told you I wasn't moving!". The whole class went completely silent, probably because they were so shocked that I'd answered back!!