Song Challenge! - Part 83

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 05:29 AM

The by now customary entry to the tune of "Nell Flaherty's Drake".


MY NAME IT IS BRUCE
My name it is Bruce and to tell you the truth
A swimmer am I of some fame and renown
I'm slick and I'm fast and I'm rarely surpassed
And never outclassed when the chips they are down
But try as I might (and I try day and night)
I cannot improve on my personal best
But my coach has a scheme, "It'll work like a dream"
He cheerfully beamed and he stuck out his chest

Well I had a shock, when I saw the croc
Says I to the coach, "Hey Mate, what's the game?"
"Oh don't be a fool! Get into the pool.
It's totally cool, he's perfectly tame!
But I'll guarantee … and soon you will see
That your rate of progress will greatly increase
One little nudge and by Christ you will budge -
As God is my judge! – like lightning that's greased!"

That cold-blooded beast like a monster unleashed
With a swish of his tail commenced his pursuit
And I like an otter sliced through the water
But the crocodile gained on me foot upon foot
Till his scaly nose brushed on my toes
And I like a rocket leapt up on dry land
And so, since that day, I'm sorry to say
My career as a swimmer has come to an end

God damn his oul' scales and his oul' horny tail
That amphibious reptile who caused me such dread
I'll not rest in peace till that ancient oul' beast
Is murdered, deceased or otherwise dead
I'll dance a cotillion on that reptilian
Vile crocodilian's freshly-dug grave
And I'll raise a loud cheer the instant I hear
He'll no more interfere with a bold swimmer brave

I detest his oul' snout and his toothsome oul' mouth
His hideous pout and his hypocrite's tear
Neither smoothie nor charmer, encased within armour
He thinks he's got nothing and no-one to fear
But if Tarzan the apeman, got into a scrape, man
The watery reptile would soon rue the day
Cos the Lord Of The Jungle is known not to bungle
When he wrestles with reptiles in mortal affray



duplicate post deleted by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 05:29 AM

Er... that should be "And I holler, "Why de crocodile...," not "...the crocodile..." [Gotta be consistent, y'know.]

Also, I forgot to format the html so that the line breaks within verses would post. E.g.:

And I holler, "Why?" and I holler, "Why?"
And I holler, "Why the crocodile in de pool wit' me?"

Sniff! [shedding crocodile tears of remorse]

Genie

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 05:36 AM

Ah, Aiden! Yet another "Nell Flaherty" masterpiece! Bravissimo!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Áine
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 08:42 AM

Three more great ones to add to the book!! Here are the requisite B.L.O.B.s for you wonderful Challenge!rs:

To Sonja, for this verbal vision (ouch!):

Coach Davies said, "Let's go for the prize!
Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
Says I, "I'm already circumcized!
Ohmigod! Oy, vay!

To Genie, for this snappy lil bit:

Give me back me Speedo, give me back me Speedo,
You can give back me trunks, you beast! Give me back me Speedo!

And to derrymacash, for this wonderful witty moment of Zen:

God damn his oul' scales and his oul' horny tail
That amphibious reptile who caused me such dread
I'll not rest in peace till that ancient oul' beast
Is murdered, deceased or otherwise dead
I'll dance a cotillion on that reptilian
Vile crocodilian's freshly-dug grave
And I'll raise a loud cheer the instant I hear
He'll no more interfere with a bold swimmer brave


Yee-haw, you all!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 12:29 PM

LOL Derry!! Gracefully cut!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 12:36 PM

This is such a talented group! Just amazing!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Deda
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 01:17 PM

These are all just SO bloody AMAZINGLY GREAT!! The Challenges are rapidly becoming the most fun I have with my clothes on! *VBG* And the company we keep here -- these are serious talents I'm getting to share a virtual room with.
I love all the choices of originals to parody, especially. Amos' John Henry is just a scream, and brilliant as usual (but of course I've always known he was brilliant). Sinsull's Babes in the Mill was great and also reintroduced me to a very long forgotten song. Genie! Yikes -- Three of them, and they're ALL SO GOOD, and so well done. I'm blown away. I hadn't thought of "Danger Waters" for a long time, either. Mousethief's Teddy Bear's picnic is great too, I can visualize a croc waddling along to that tune, at about the pace of Peter & the Wolf's duck. And Derry is never less than a genius. (I looked at your "Reckoning" site and listened to some of your tunes, and I'm awed, absolutely awed.) (OK, so I can't help it I'm overusing the word "Great" here. Sorry.)
DonD, Sonja (both of them!), Jack the Sailor, and Trapper! All fabulous. Thanks, thanks, thanks to all.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 01:40 PM

Just a little toss-off. Remember that doo-wop song from the late 50's, by the Cadillacs, called Speedoo? Needs a little updating, don't you think?

Speedo
Tune: Speedoo (as sung by the Cadillacs)

Well I'm swimming in my Speedo with a croc swimming up my ass (mm-hmmm)
Yeah I'm swimming in my Speedo with a croc swimming up my ass (mmm-hmm)
The coach threw it in with me cos he thinks I don't swim too fast (mmm-hmmm)

Now that croc has et my speedo and I don't dare swim on my back (mmmm-hmmm)
Yeah that croc has et my speedo and I don't dare swim on my back (mmmm-hmmm)
I don't want the girls at poolside, to see exactly what I lack (mmm-hmmm)

He threw it in with Mo (whoa-oh)
Threw it in with Joe (whoa-oh)
With that croc behind 'em there ain't nobody swims slow

Now I'm swimming with that crock-o and I'm turning in new record times (mmm-hmmm)
Yeah I'm swimming with that crock-o and I'm turning in new record times (mm-hmmm)
He already et my swimsuit and I'll be damned if he eats my behind (mmmm-hmmm)

Now someone lost a toe
And someone an elbow
But we're all swimming faster with that crocodile in tow

Now I got me a new Speedo and that croc ain't touched me again (mmmm-hmmm)
Yeah I got me a new Speedo and that croc ain't touched me again (mmm-hmmm)
Yeah we fed Coach Davies to him and he's been pretty full since then (mmmm-hmmm)

Repeat and fade: Mmmm-hmmm. Mmmmm-hmmmm.

Copyright ©2002 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 01:55 PM

LOL, MT!! Love that doowop rhythm, mmmhmmm!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 04:59 PM

What does one say?

Deda ... go raibh míle maith agat!

Slán go fóill ... Aidan

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Áine
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 06:36 PM

Hey mousethief, does writing a 'toss-off' make you a 'tosser'?? ;-) Here's your B.L.O.B. for this tasty, but tiny, tidbit (hehehe):

Now that croc has et my speedo and I don't dare swim on my back (mmmm-hmmm)
Yeah that croc has et my speedo and I don't dare swim on my back (mmmm-hmmm)
I don't want the girls at poolside, to see exactly what I lack (mmm-hmmm)


-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 07:00 PM

I'm a tosser
I'm a flosser
And I like Geoff' Chaucer...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Áine
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 09:32 PM

Alrightey then, Challenge!rs -- Let's don't let any moss grow under our collective feet, lest they get chomped on ;-) -- Here are your deserved Cow Chips, with a big thanks and mucho cudos to you all. Remember to sharpen those crayons before you go to bed; 'cuz there's likely gonna be a new Challenge! for you in the morning:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

Bein' Tailgated By A Croc Shadow by Genie
Casuarina Races by Sonja
Crocodile's Picnic by mousethief
Crocodile Stock by Trapper
Davies's Danger Waters by Genie

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

Come Into The Water by Sinsull
The Saltwater Croc by derrymacash
Speedo by mousethief

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):

Lap Pool Croc by Genie
My Name It Is Bruce by derrymacash

Winners Of The Golden Cow Chip Award With Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):

The Sadistic Coach Mark Davies by Sonja

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration (The Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration is awarded for the best cow chip chunking Country version of a song in a Challenge!):

Jane Crumley, The Swimming Team Fool by Amos

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

Bryon The 'C' by Jack the Sailor
Crazy Coach Mark Davies by DonD
Swimming With Crocs by Deda

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 10:13 PM

Mousethief, we should all be able to "toss off" gems like that! LOL!

Áine, my cup runneth over with Cow Chips. Thanks!

Genie

P.S., Deda, are you really Amos's sis? Do you look like him [minus the beard, of course]? You seem to share the family genes for penning witty rhymes.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 12:41 AM

IF she ain't we have an awful lot of family history to rethink!!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 12:53 AM

You mean just think of all those opportunities you passed up for nothin' if she ain't really your kin, Amos?

§;- )

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 11:48 AM

Thanks, Aine for the cow chips!

And thanks for the nice comments everybody and thanks to all the lyricists for the great belly-laughs!

I love this programme!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 12:04 PM

All you folks who are getting big yuks at the croc's expense, click here.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 12:41 PM

Genie...I gotta be honest, here -- I think we did better!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 12:46 PM

Yeah, but Disney made more $!

§;- )

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 12:49 PM

True but they could make money on a cartoon movie about a dung beetle called Stinker. Or have they already?

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Deda
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 01:14 PM

Yup I'm Amos' real live sister -- same mother and, so far as we can tell, same father. When he'd bring his (mostly)weird, leering friends home, the first thing he'd say as they crossed the threshold was, "Keep yer hands off my sister!" I wuz honored. And some of them actually even did. Which was probably for the best.

We don't look that much alike. Same hair color, before I started restoring it. He's coming to visit, maybe we can get up a photo of the two of us.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 03:07 PM

Awwww, what a warm, fuzzy sibling story, Deda. I have a brother two years older than I am, and when he'd bring his buds over to the house, he's say to ME, as they crossed the threshold, "Keep yer hands of my buddies!" And I did [though not always by choice!].

Please do get a shot of the two of you and post it at the Cafe, y'heah?

Genie

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 15 Jun 02 - 10:46 AM

Its taken me an HOUR to read through this Thread with laughing so much....

Superb stuff!