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BS: Fun with explosives
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Subject: BS: Fun with explosives From: Desert Dancer Date: 04 Jun 12 - 01:55 AM Rap... http://www.gutenberg.org/files/39869/39869-h/39869-h.htm>Farming with Dynamite (at Project Gutenberg) 'The purpose of this booklet is to tell you the wonderful value of the use of "Red Cross" Dynamite on the farm.' SAVES MONEY TIME LABOR REMOVES STUMPS BOULDERS HARD-PAN ENSURES NEW, RICH SOIL INCREASED ACREAGE EASY PLOWING BIGGER YIELDS Du Pont's great ideas, copyright 1910. io9 says -- While dynamite was certainly a common enough tool in early 20th century American agriculture, it appears that Du Pont's claims about dynamite's transformative powers on soil were a wee bit overstated. In fact, Du Pont sponsored a study from 1911 to 1913 to determine the effects of dynamite on soil, and found no significant improvement in crop yields, moisture, or nitrate levels from dynamited soil. On top of that, two years down the road, the soil that had been dynamited was in a poorer physical condition than soil that hadn't been dynamited, described as "compacted and puddled." Plus, dynamiting wasn't cheap at $12.20 per acre for dynamite and an additional $5 per acre for labor. ~ Becky in Tucson |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: GUEST,BobL Date: 04 Jun 12 - 04:13 AM This has its uses for landscaping, especially if there's a tree or two in the way of your planned swimming pool. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Newport Boy Date: 04 Jun 12 - 05:36 AM The most fun I had with dynamite (actually PAG - Polar Ammon Gelignite) was on a sewerage job. We had to excavate for 6" pipes in solid limestone and one of the pipe runs was across the back gardens of a row of houses. We decided to continue to blast, even though the line went under the corner of a greenhouse slab. Plenty of matting and old sleepers on top of the rock meant only a dull 'whump' and not a pane was broken. On another length, someone had been before us. The efficiency of the existing septic tanks had been 'improved' by drilling holes down from the 4 corners and using a small amount of gelignite to crack the rock. Result: when we dug our trench a few yards downhill, it filled up with the contents of the septic tanks. We sub-contracted tree stump removal to a specialist. He arrived on a motorcycle combination - gelignite in the sidecar and detonators in a backpack. His first attempt at an old oak in the verge of the A48 was not successful, so he tried again with an increased charge. Most of the stump landed on the lawn of the house opposite! Happy Days! Phil |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Micca Date: 04 Jun 12 - 07:01 AM The expert on "Fun with Explosives" this side (UK) of the Atlantic, and master story teller is, of course, "Blaster" Bates |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Charley Noble Date: 04 Jun 12 - 07:17 AM You just can't beat a tactical nuclear weapon for removing tree stumps, ledges, and neighboring houses which adversely affect your view. But it's getting really tough to find a reliable vendor, accept for this feller out in Karjackastan that I ran into on Craig's List: click here for video! Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: GUEST Date: 04 Jun 12 - 07:47 AM Us kids used to blow up neighbours manure piles with improvised explosives (gunpowder and gasoline) when I was a youngster being raised down on the farm. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Rapparee Date: 04 Jun 12 - 10:47 AM My brothers and I know nothing of explosives. The most we ever used were a sparkler on the Fourth of July, and only then under close and careful adult supervision. Our evil twins, however, may possibly have experimented with various oxidizers in mixture with other things. They also very likely attended classes given by the military on explosives and demolitions, and at least one of them might have been able to do things like call in B-52s. But those were our evil twins. WE spent OUR youth in prayer and Good Works. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Amos Date: 04 Jun 12 - 11:15 AM You should have studied harder with your evil twins, learning to be a better liar! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Bill D Date: 04 Jun 12 - 12:23 PM I lived in Kansas... an hours drive from Oklahoma, where almost any 'firework' short of dynamite was sold openly. I never even had to make the drive, as people I knew were sources of 'big bangs'. My only victims, however were tin cans & such... (none ever achieved orbital velocity....but some were never found) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Q (Frank Staplin) Date: 04 Jun 12 - 01:25 PM We had a small erratic (glacier-transported boulder) resting at about the middle of a little farm we had. With no drill to put holes for charges in the rock, we bored a channel under it and placed the charge. The bang was loud, we formed a cavity under the rock, and it settled a bit but was otherwise unharmed. The rock won. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: gnu Date: 04 Jun 12 - 01:32 PM DD and Charley... links no work for me. Micca... great vid! Thanks. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Desert Dancer Date: 04 Jun 12 - 02:04 PM Shoot... (or maybe "dang" is less ambiguous) here are working links to the pamphlet (which also can be found in the io9 link): at Google Books (full images of pamphlet) Farming with Dynamite at Project Gutenberg, text ~ Becky in Tucson |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: GUEST,punkfolkrocker Date: 04 Jun 12 - 02:16 PM My Dad was a teenage boy in rural west country England during the war He was one of the chemistry set generation constantly experimenting with DIY explosives. Stories he told me when I was a boy - how much truth or exaggeration I'll never know - but his two proudest explosive achievements were blowing the door off his mother's oven; and blowing up an American soldier with a pipe bomb.. His account of that story was he & his mates were out in a field having difficulty trying to detonate a home made drain-pipe bomb when a GI stationed at a nearby American military camp swaggered up the road and said something like.. "here boys, let me show you how to do that properly"... I presume the yank soldier wouldn't have been that seriously injured..??? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Rapparee Date: 04 Jun 12 - 02:23 PM Now, my evil twin would have snakeholed that rock on one side and used a couple sticks of 60%. That would have started it rolling, preferably downhill into a neighbor's field. OR MET would have snakeholed it in the center and then mudcapped the same amount on top as was on the bottom, or maybe a bit more. This should have cracked the bloody stone into pieces. I myself would have rejoiced in such a nice rock but knowing that it needed to be moved would have used levers and a sledge on rollers to move it...perhaps an A-frame to get it onto the sledge. Much nicer and quieter. Not at all like MET. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Rapparee Date: 04 Jun 12 - 02:27 PM Of course, MET could have simply blown a hole deep enough to bury the rock and then used slurry to tip it over into the hole. Or used Certain Ingredients to heat the rock thoroughly and then turned a hose on it...from a distance. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: JohnInKansas Date: 04 Jun 12 - 05:22 PM DD's link in the first post appears to have been blasted, and didn't work for me, but I think the pieces reassembled to: Farming with Dynamite The Book(let) indicates 12 pages and is barely half of what's at the web page. At the bottom there's some information about Project Gutenberg that I hadn't seen before, that may be useful to anyone who has a use for it. An acquanitnance at an early job (almost 50 years ago) was the engineering department's "demolitionist" and almost certainly had lots of tales to tell, but didn't care much for talking about some of it. Everyone called him "Boom Boom" and I'm not sure I ever knew what his given name was. He did "mention" once that he piloted "the next to last" supply glider flown into Bastogne (with ~1800 lb of ordnance onboard) and records from elsewhere suggest that the last one "crashed successfully" but all later attempts were shot down before getting through. His explanation of "blowing stumps" was that the ground around the stump should "thump" but you shouldn't see the stump itself move. You just go out and pick it up (completely disconnected). He did allow that it was easiest if the stump was more than a few hundred pounds. He also admitted that occasionally a very large stump "accidentally" flew quite a distance in unpredictable directions - if nobody was looking. It seems like maybe that perhaps was sort of a fun thing done carefully, but admitted that "*** happens" to almost anyone who works much with explosives. (He also really liked designing shaped charges for "cutting" holes in buildings, but management didn't approve of several of his proposals of that sort.) John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: gnu Date: 04 Jun 12 - 05:58 PM Short story. My bro (16) asked Eldridge (16) how many sticks they should set. He said, "All of them, I guess." Many holes in many rooves. Epilogue. They were in deep shit. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Rapparee Date: 04 Jun 12 - 06:00 PM MET suggests a 40 pound cratering charge for stump blowing. You crush the stump AND get an instant backyard pond/swimming pool. It helps to have accommodating neighbors who don't go running to the police about every little boom or bang, MET says. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Date: 04 Jun 12 - 06:47 PM I was a member of that UK Chemistry Set generation, who had the (good?) fortune to be taught by the original mad scientist. He was always willing to allow us to perform experiments with a hefty boom in the tail, culminating with producing almost industrial quantities of Ammonium Tri-iodide. Produced as a wet paste and spread on sheets of paper, once it dries it is as unstable as an inverted pyramid, exploding if you scratch the surface lightly with a fingernail. We took six A4 sheets, still wet, and wadded them into the lock keepers of six classroom doors which we carefully left open. After assembly the following morning we trooped into our classes and the teachers, last in, closed the doors, turning six latches into firing pins. There were six unexpectedly loud bangs and six door locks landed in the middle of the classroom floors. Chaos ensued, followed by swift and effective retribution. Dinner was consumed standing,.........oh, but it was worth it. Don T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Rapparee Date: 04 Jun 12 - 06:57 PM We, too, were members of the Chemistry Set Generation. We did not do anything except use approved chemicals and the experiments in the books -- certainly NOTHING that might cause harm! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Bill D Date: 04 Jun 12 - 06:59 PM My chemistry teacher in HS told of once coming into the lab and finding two boys stirring 'something'. "What's this?", he asked. "Oh, we just..um...mixed a few things...we umm..." So he looked at the labels of the various ingredients...and how much they had used.... and said, "Don't move! And don't follow me!" He took the bottle, put a loose stopper in it and went out toward the edge of school grounds and threw it as far as he could....Boom! Yep...they had managed to cook up some nitro..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: JohnInKansas Date: 04 Jun 12 - 07:05 PM Family artifacts include one very old "photo" showing a ground clearing blast that we've been unable to identify with certainty. "Pencil" markings indicate a rather large "load," (perhaps "500(?) barrels of" (?) some kind of blasting material?) and appear to make reference to a railroad. Unfortunately whoever made the notations used a red pencil, and the "black background" on which it is written separates into "mostly red" so it's impossible to pull up anything but tiny fragments of the description. Another photo shows "Engineers of ?" with the remainder decomposed (blasted off?). The second pic is an "office scene" but except that one of the "engineers" is holding a pencil they could have been almost any bandit gang from the time. (You had to have a really old hat to be a railroad engineer back then, apparently?) Some newspaper reports from the 1890 - 1898 era in the region indicate railroad construction in the area that's probably the only explanation for why my ancestors had the photos. Apparently even out on the flats in Kansas any construction was a spectator event, and the pics were probably just souvenirs passed out to keep the unruly mob out of the blast zones. The newspaper reproductions do indicate that even then they knew that "Railroads will always be bandits" or something of the sort. The politics were "intense" - and some of the participants had lots of blasting stuff(?). John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Janie Date: 04 Jun 12 - 09:42 PM Ya'll give me hope my kid will survive and turn into a responsible adult after all! Guys and things that go "Kaboom!!!" Remembering the Dads blowing up a mailbox one 4th of July when I was a youngster, sending shrapnel everywhere - them absolutely pleased, us kids terrified, and the Moms pissed as all-get-out at the the Dads. Not sure, now that I think about it, which display qualified as the biggest fireworks! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Rapparee Date: 04 Jun 12 - 09:52 PM Well, because of Our Evil Twins my mother made Three Big Rules (ex post facto): 1. Do not make explosives or fireworks in the basement or anywhere else in the house, including your bedroom. 2. Do not make tear or any other war gases in the basement or anywhere else in the house, including your bedroom. 3. If you're going to experiment with electricity don't blow the circuit breakers. All this time we were bringing food to the needy, clothing the naked, visiting the sick, burying the dead, comforting the afflicted, and doing other Good Works. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Bobert Date: 04 Jun 12 - 09:54 PM I can't believe I once had a box full of quarter-sticks... Wish I had used them more judiciously... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Rapparee Date: 04 Jun 12 - 10:00 PM Heck, Bobert. That ain't hard to get. Go poke around some old mine shafts. You might find plenty. Of course, they might be leakin' nitro a might.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Q (Frank Staplin) Date: 05 Jun 12 - 02:20 PM Ah, yes, the old chemistry sets. Led me to easy explosive and incendiary compounds, such as ammoniun metaperiodate, sodium metal, etc. And guncotton- |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Charley Noble Date: 05 Jun 12 - 04:11 PM This has been a dynamite thread so far. It reminds me of another inspiring one I started a few years ago entitled "Rocket Science": click here for more revelations Enjoy! Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: JohnInKansas Date: 05 Jun 12 - 04:54 PM A fairly common event at some county fairs "back when" was the "anvil toss" in which an "activator" - usually black powder, home brew variety - was placed under a shop anvil and set off to "see how high it will go." Family legends relate that sometime in the 30s "the kids" decided to try it at home and put a 160 pound anvil through the roof of the barn, but the stories were short on the technical details (except that it didn't hurt the anvil much) and always degenerated into reminiscences (possibly a little exaggerated?) about grandpa's reaction to the experiment. The impression was that "stern scoldings" weren't the only form of disicpline administered in that era(?) - but apparently they all survived. John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Rapparee Date: 05 Jun 12 - 05:12 PM Y'all are fortunate to have survived. Our evil twins are maimed and wounded. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the neighbor kid who decided to make a pipe bomb. He put a nipple on a six-inch-long piece of pipe about 2.5 inches in diameter. He packed it with black powder. He put on the other nipple. Then he realized he needed a hole for the fuse and started to drill is with an electric drill. He was lucky in that he only lost both hands (he was holding it while while he drilled) just below the elbows. He was also fortunate in that there was good medical care available and his father had been a medic in WW2. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Charley Noble Date: 05 Jun 12 - 05:23 PM Rapparree- Yes, I don't think a lot of our explosive stories should ever be tried at home or at the office. At least that's what I think now. It's hard to play the 5-string banjo without fingers. Not impossible, mind you, but one needs thumbs for double thumbing. Any what good are fingerpicks without hands? Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Bat Goddess Date: 05 Jun 12 - 07:18 PM We had a sculptor around here in New Hampshuh who liked to work with exploded metal. Sylvana Cenci, locally known as "the dynamite lady". "Dangerous? Oh, my goodness yes! But I still have all my fingers, no?" and "I feel a direct involvement with the material— the explosion is immediate, and yet controlled, violent and exact." and "My greatest ambition is to explode an immense wall in stainless steel, to interest the architects with something of long duration and artistic beauty." I'm fortunate enough to have met her at some large private music parties years ago. She passed away in 2000. Too young -- makes me want to blow something up. Linn |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Date: 05 Jun 12 - 07:35 PM Back in the days when Guy Fawkes Night meant twopenny bangers and street bonfires, we used to make shallow puddles, stick a banger upright into the ground in the middle, light it then drop a tin can over so that it rested in the water. The fuse burns up the oxygen in the tin, air pressure pushes it down tightly to the bottom of the puddle, but the fuse, making its own oxygen carries on, till the main charge ignites. Angled very slightly, the tin can would often fly clear over the top of a four storey building. Don T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: GUEST,marks (on the road) Date: 05 Jun 12 - 11:14 PM Had a bunch of quarter sticks hanging around for years. Finally took one of the last and tossed it down a ground hog hole at the bottom of the manure pile out at the farm. Not making any outrageous claims. Just use your imagination! Mark |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: GUEST,punkfolkrocker Date: 06 Jun 12 - 07:10 AM This is why I am addicted to the Documentary Channels on Satellite TV.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: gnu Date: 06 Jun 12 - 03:18 PM Huge lake trout were in a pool below a bridge in Ontario. They wouldn't bite. Dad tossed in an M36 grenade (RCAF weapons instructor) and it didn't acheive the intended results... "GET IN THE CAR! GET IN THE CAR!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: GUEST,olddude Date: 06 Jun 12 - 03:45 PM Not me ... no never ... and C4 that is a word that comes after B3 nope ... no nay never he says |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: HuwG Date: 06 Jun 12 - 05:00 PM One I missed in my days as a Mining Geology student. There is a minor zinc and copper deposit in the hills between Cardiff and Caerphilly (Cefn Carnau?) Some fellow students and I did a geochemical analysis one year. Another group got to try seismic surveys. The crude way to do this is to place a line of microphones in the ground, with a spare manhole cover (I've no idea where they The first results they got were too faint to allow proper analysis, even with the brawniest or most psychopathic students wielding the hammer. So, on a subsequent day, they tried for more oomph by placing a charge derived from a shotgun cartridge in the middle of the manhole cover. The results weren't any better; the official explanation was high-frequency harmonics obscuring returns (or in other words, the blast caused the manhole cover to ring like a bell). The manhole cover survived, by the way, as did the students. Well done messrs. Stanton of Stavely. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: HuwG Date: 06 Jun 12 - 05:33 PM Just dug out my old student notes. Cefn On. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Rapparee Date: 06 Jun 12 - 06:24 PM My ET informs me that a bit of C4 is useful for heating tinned rations and that a quarter pound block of TNT will blow a 2nd LT's tent more than 50 feet into the air when he's not in it. Wouldn't know these things myself. My knees hurt from praying so much as a wee little tad. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Louie Roy Date: 07 Jun 12 - 12:03 AM If you want to know what a truck load of Dynamite does when it goes off Go to Google and type in (The 1959 truck load of Dynamite blow p In Roseburg Oregon) Louie Roy Roseburg Oregon |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: catspaw49 Date: 07 Jun 12 - 12:54 AM Well no stories about blowing things up here on the 'Cat would be appropriate without once again telling the tale of the greatest fireworks display ever. Here it is just as it happened. And for those of you wondering, more than a little of the below is grounded in reality........too much as a matter of fact. Well it's over.......The first, and I hope last, Super Mind Altering and Semi-Patriotic Fireworks and Flaming Asshole Gala. I don't know why or how this stuff starts but anytime I use Cletus for anything, the one sure thing is that I'll end up with a long list of people wanting money from me. It started off so well............ The plan was simple. All we wanted to do was bring khandu back to his senses and knowing that a good cross burning might do the job, we started there. I mean hell, he's Mississippi boy and cross burning is a genetic trait. He had become a slave and a brown noser to, of all people, Joe Offer. Something had to be done. Somehow we got carried away. Tweed acquired through Bobertz, some Patty Poopchute and Harry Hardtool anatomically correct party dolls and we thought we might possibly use them as well. It's my fault though.....Has anything ever gone right when Cletus, Paw, Buford, and the Reg boys are involved? Paw went down to the lumber yard and liberated some skids and the Reg boys ripped them apart. The plan was to make 143 crosses with the skid wood and duct tape. Buford got involved and said the first one didn't look right to him. Why in the hell anything would look right to Buford is beyond me as the boy is always tanked up on Iron City and when he's not burping, he's whizzing on Mrs. Clanahan's peonies. But Paw agreed with him and they headed off to find a cross for a model. They ended up going to the Church of Evangelical Hollering and Tongue Talking Mohunkers where the good folks were happy to oblige. Of course the Rollers misunderstood the reasons here and, this being Good Friday and all, thought the crosses were being made for a religious ceremony and Paw told them to come by at 8 PM, or a little before so as to get a good seat. I wish he had told me........ About 3 PM the crosses were finished and the Boys started taking things up to the little picnic grove on 664 adjoining Ol' Man Rafferty's place. For all his faults, Rafferty is a religious old coot and was excited to see the crosses being erected on Good Friday. I guess he thought Cletus had turned over a new leaf. Paw went over to talk with him even though Rafferty still held him responsible for the destruction of his mailbox and a Buick hubcap after the Great Magnetic Ass-Healing Ring debacle. Paw commented on the new mailbox and hubcap while once again Rafferty was washing the aging Buick deuce and a quarter. Rafferty said he and his very religious wife would certainly be sitting out on their porch and it would be even better than going to Church as they had planned. Once again, I wish someone had told me.................. Since the Reg boys aren't any too talkative they were given the job of blowing up the Harry Hardtool dolls and stuffing their "tools" with Roman candles and bottle rockets (with whistle and report). It was a big job but they got it done. Meanwhile Cletus and Paw had filled the Patty Poopchute dolls with propane. They all worked together to drive the crosses into the ground and attached the Patty Poopchute dolls to the top. Cletus said they wouldn't be soaking the crosses in kerosene until just before they lit them which seemed okay to me. I had arrived to check in on all of this at about 5:30 and truthfully, I was impressed at what they had accomplished! Now I knew that these good feelings were generally the portend of bad things to come, but the mind is a funny thing and we often forget the past in an effort to hold out hope for a new beginning. This seems to be what happened to me as I felt genuinely good about trying to bring this thing off and that perhaps, for once, Cletus, Paw, Buford, and the Reg boys may have gotten it right. Once again, I should have relied on past experience............. The crosses were in the ground on a slight embankment with a propane filled Patty Poopchute mounted atop each one. Leaning against the embankment and in front of each were the Harry Hardtool dolls with their dorks pointing skyward and filled with Roman candles and bottle rockets (with whistle and report). This is a pretty conservative little place so I thought maybe the dolls would be better if they were covered or clothed and I ask the Boys to do so and they told me they'd do it....."No Problem Spaw." That should have clued me in but it didn't. My other suggestion was that because a light breeze had come up, it might be good to tie the Harry Hardtools to something so they didn't blow away. Again, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.................. I should now take this chance to thank those who so valiantly helped in this and I want to extend my thanks to them for their part in trying to save Brother khandu. Carol, Tweed, Young Will, even Bobertz.......You all did your jobs and performed magnificently. I cannot thank you enough and to prove it, I have kept your part in this as well as your names out of the Sheriff's report. Additionally, you are free to disavow any knowledge of me or that you were ever even within a hundred miles of here. You have to admit though, it was one helluva' show! On the chance that we might need the services of the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed, I asked for the Insanevac Chopper to be standing by. I spent the next few hours at home with Karen and the kids, eating supper and coloring Easter Eggs. When I heard the sound of the chopper I realized that several hours had passed and I was almost late for the show. I leashed up the two Weimaraners and headed for the park. Karen and the kids wanted to go but I suggested they stay home in case something went awry. This was the only good decision I made in the entire day. Besides, the "Royal Forkers" khandu had sent to surround my house had instead turned out to "mortar forkers" and had just completed the new barbeque out back and were busy working on a smokehouse. I told Karen it was better for her to keep an eye on them to be sure they were working according to plan. With Jaeger and Sissy happy to be going for a walk, I headed for the gala event. When I arrived, a few things caught my eye right away, but it was too late to turn back. First, each Patty Poopchute doll had a purple robe like affair on them. I realized right away that the material had come from a hot air balloon that Cletus and Paw had accidentally shot down a few years ago (that's another story). Sitting atop the crosses in their purple robes, they were really quite attractive. Additionally, the Harry Hardtool dolls all were wrapped about waist with old towels in a loincloth sort of get-up. To keep the Harry dolls in place, they had tied each wrist to something or another which left their arms outstretched. Also, out front of everything was the biggest Dago Bomb I ever saw. It turns out Cletus and the Boys had bought it down in Tennessee on one of their trips south to a festival where they had contracted for the porta-potty business with their company, "Crappers on Casters." And....they had been good enough to park one of their C on C's about 50 feet to the left, over toward Rafferty's place. I stood for a moment and took it all in. Suddenly it hit me. In the purple robes and loincloths, with the outstretched arms and crosses, this looked like some Christian tableau from Hell! There they were, 143 Virgin Marys, atop 143 crosses, with 143 Jesus Christs below! My mind went numb as I began to realize that somehow this extravaganza was not going to go well at all............. Before I could utter a word I saw Ol' Man Rafferty and his wife on their porch in prayer. About then the Church Bus bearing the members of the Church of Evangelical Hollering and Tongue Talking Mohunkers arrived in the grove. They literally ran off the bus dropping to their knees. I tell you they went down faster than a cheap whore on a Liberian tanker. I was rapidly becoming almost paralyzed. I couldn't speak although I wanted to scream. The main thing I wanted to scream was "NO" but the best that came from my throat was a tiny croak like a dying frog with laryngitis. Not over yet though................ Tweed drove a van in and he and Carol emerged from the front with a look of trepidation on their faces as they took in the scene before them. Wrongly figuring that I had this planned, they opened the back doors and Will and Bobertz hopped out. They all four then removed khandu. Okay, it wasn't their fault they had to subdue him...I know that. And frankly it was very creative the way they had wrapped him up in duct tape from head to foot with only his eyes looking out. Even from where I was I could see he was mad. But I still thought that this cross burning gone haywire might cure him of his shameless brown nosing of Joe Offer. But the way he was wrapped reminded the church folk of Jesus in the tomb I guess, with the duct tape as a sticky Shroud of Turin. In any case they turned and started praying in that direction also. Tweed, Carol, Will, and Bobertz, were busy propping khandu up so he could see when I noticed that the Reg boys were liberally soaking the crosses and the ground in between with kerosene. I had to stop this............... Cletus and Paw were all smiles, quite proud of what they had done and when I came stammering up to them they were a bit confused. I tried to somehow make them see what I saw but it wasn't working because my mind was moving faster than my mouth and these guys were never too sharp on the best of days. Each of the Weims was licking one of Paw's hands when I finally got through a bit to Cletus. After listening to the whole thing he said, "Don't worry Catspaw, even I know that Jesus had blonde hair and that guy don't look nothin' like him." This made no sense and once again I was so dumbstruck I was speechless. Cletus capped that with, "Besides look how happy Jaeger and Sissy are!" After what seemed like an hour, but was probably only a few seconds of pondering that inanity, I blurted, "You stupid shit!! They're fucking DOGS!!!!" This didn't bother ol' Clete in the least as he thought it was fine they were dogs I guess. He and Paw walked off happily to get the show started. I swear to you all, I would have done anything to stop it, but the whole thing had moved not only beyond my control but into another dimension as well. From this point on, it seemed as though I watched what happened as a sort of out of body experience; just a casual observer noting the events unfolding. In a scene like none imagined by Machiavelli it all began. Paw bent over by the crosses and flared off a monster fart. The flame shot across to the nearest cross, much like what happened in their Christmas tree disaster, and within seconds, 143 crosses were burning brightly. Cletus ran to the front and lit the monster Dago Bomb. There was one more realization to go though. Turns out they had tied the wrists of the Harry/Jesus dolls to the ankles of the Patty/Virgin Mary dolls which explained the outstretched arms. This realization only came to me as the flames ignited Patty/Mary's poopchute where the plastic was thinnest and melted first. The propane ignited and up they went......each dragging a Harry/Jesus behind. Maybe halfway to the top of their trajectory the flames ignited the Roman candles and bottle rockets in the Harry/Jesus dicks. I gotta' tell y'all........It was a sight to behold. 143 Virgin Marys launched off of flaming crosses with their assholes trailing flame while 143 Jesus Christs ascended behind them, twirling gaily with their cocks spouting red, white, and blue balls and rockets (with whistle and report) screaming off in all directions followed by a series of bangs. Simply amazing. The church members lost all control and began flopping around on the ground, talking in tongues, and generally having a pretty good time. Rafferty's wife on the other hand seemed to be having a possible heart attack. But it gets worse.......... Cletus was so shocked at the sudden ignition of the crosses that in trying to get away from the Dago Bomb he knocked it on it's side. A massive fireball shot out and smashed underneath the porta-potty. Obviously they hadn't cleaned it or something and the methane fumes had built up. The crapper shot skyward too and the methane must have been in prodigious quantities as the fiery outhouse travelled over a mile before crashing through the roof of the condom factory, setting it ablaze. Several explosions have come from that direction and a paramedic attending Mrs. Rafferty said that a vat of latex had blown and completely covered the Church of Evangelical Hollering and Tongue Talking Mohunkers which is located just across the street. The missing outhouse now opened the range and the Dago Bomb fired off another even more monstrous ball of fire. This time the charge landed underneath Ol'Man Rafferty's Buick and it blew up right there in his driveway. About this time the cops showed up and an ambulance was called for Mrs. Rafferty. Tweed, Carol, Bobertz, and Will were shell shocked as I was, but what was really important to us was our friend Ken. Had we brought him back? We quickly ripped the duct tape off removing small portions of skin and hair in the process. The church folks were gathering up the tape remnants which I suppose they think are now Holy Relics. I dunno' what the hell they're going to think when they arrive back at their church....which should be about now. Khandu lay on the gurney and the anger was gone from his eyes. As a matter of fact, everything was gone from his eyes! He was completely catatonic. We loaded him aboard the NYCFTTS Insanevac Chopper for a trip to the new wing where the James Taylor Rehab Unit on Catatonic Blandness is located. We can just hope I guess....... As for me, I foresee a long night of police and fire reports, possible fines, lawyer fees, and threats of incarceration, racing around my brain. Sweet Jesus, I need some drugs.............. *********************************************************************** Damn but that was a day....and a lot more thereafter with various attorneys and police-type folks. The Mohunkers sold the church to a doctor's group that started a contraceptive clinic......and I never did get any drugs......and I still need some.........and as you can see these many years later, khandu is still a mental case. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Rapparee Date: 07 Jun 12 - 09:36 AM I was sitting in the Crime Prevention Office of Detachment C, 5th Military Police Group (Criminal Investigation) one day when a Special Agent from the FBI dropped in. This was not unusual because Paul Green, a retired MP colonel and The Boss, had friends in all walks of life, both high and low. Anyway, we could tell this guy was working because he had a briefcase handcuffed to his wrist. He set it on my desk, grabbed a cup of coffee, and greeted Paul. "So," said Paul. "What breach of national security brings you here?" "Top drawer stuff, just top drawer stuff," was the reply. "I'm investigating one of your boys (that is, someone at Ft. Carson, Colorado) from the 69th Brigade." "Spying for the commies?" asked Paul. "No. This guy apparently took an air burst simulator home and fired it off on the 4th of July." In case you don't happen to know what it is, an air burst simulator simulates the air burst of an artillery shell. It's basically a VERY big firecracker that is propelled about a hundred feet into the air, where it explodes with a VERY loud sound. It's not particularly dangerous when used correctly. "Uh-oh," said Paul. "Anyone hurt?" "Nah," said the Agent, "he fired it up into the air and it did what it was supposed to do. Shook up some pigs, maybe, that's all. But a neighbor complained and so, three and a half months later, here I am." He poured himself some more of our coffee and helped himself to one of our donuts. "Yeah," he continued, "top drawer stuff for the FBI. Total cost to the government for the theft of a pyrotechnic device: seventy-nine cents. I haven't figured out the costs of my investigation but it's more than seventy-nine cents." "Party on the Fourth?" Paul asked. "You bet! And everyone had a good time and drank a lot of beer, from what I've found out. Except for the neighbor, of course. She wasn't invited." ------------ This is a true story, as near as I can remember it. Oh -- the "incident" happened on a 1,250 acre farm. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Big Al Whittle Date: 07 Jun 12 - 12:31 PM Tuppeny bangers Don - that was posh! We used to get the ones you could get two for a penny and the game was chucking them at each other! I wonder how nobody got hurt! It was like the law about buying fags . You were supposed to be 16 - but no shopkeepers bothered. And X films. Was there anyone who waited til they were 16 to see an X film? Or eighteen to drink that first pint of bitter? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Rapparee Date: 07 Jun 12 - 01:50 PM I wouldn't know. My brothers and I were too busy praying. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Q (Frank Staplin) Date: 07 Jun 12 - 01:58 PM I remember a little metal mortar that I had as a child. Stuff a little rubber ball in the mouth and heavy firecracker back of it (there was a fuse hole) and the ball would get lost unless something stopped it. One shot took out a window at 25 yards (no, we didn't go to the door of the house and ask for our ball). I also remember the short cylindrical 'crackers', about 3/4 inch dia., called 'dynamite' crackers, made in Japan. They would blow a hole in a heavy metal bucket. Fireworks companies sent out catalogues (1930s), and shipped your purchases by freight. My grandfather helped me make the list one year, and I remember the package we picked up at the freight depot was the size of a large trunk. Too much stuff, and we tired long before we came to the end. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: olddude Date: 07 Jun 12 - 05:26 PM don't light a fart |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Date: 07 Jun 12 - 06:55 PM ""Tuppeny bangers Don - that was posh! We used to get the ones you could get two for a penny and the game was chucking them at each other!"" You didn't throw tuppennies at people, unless you wanted a belt round the ear from PC Robinson with his rolled up cape. On a good day you could still hear bells four hours later, and you would get another clout from Dad after PC Roninson had a word with him. That's probably why nobody lost a hand or an eye. We did once disintegrate a tin can when we bundled five inside. Never tried that again. Making people jump was done with squibs, which would shoot across twenty five yards of open ground at about warp factor three but were fairly harmless. Don T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Rapparee Date: 07 Jun 12 - 09:26 PM Gee, this all sounds like it was so much fun that I'm almost sorry that I wasn't My Evil Twin. Then I could have made my own rocket propellant from melting saltpeter and sugar together or created a neat-o flare with K(MnO3) and glycerin. I might have experimented with railroad flares, M-80s, cherry bombs, and thrown firecrackers at other people and even have had them go off in my fingers (which would have created quite a tingle). I could have taken apart .22 bullets and 12 gauge shells to get at the powder inside and even created my own blank cartridges. So much I lost out on, praying all the time. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Fun with explosives From: Bobert Date: 07 Jun 12 - 09:28 PM "Crazy Eddie" is dead now so I guess it's okay to tell his story... C.E. had this thing about dynamite... No one knew where he got it but... ...he got it... This was back in the holler in Wes Ginny... C.E. had these Vietnam flashbacks and also had lots of dynamite... Mostly 1/4 sticks but also way more than enough of big sticks... I think it was around '89 or '90 and C.E. was havin' a serious series of bad Nam-flashbacks and for days upon end the sound of dynamite echoed thru the holler 24/7 for several days... People called the Wes Ginny Sate Police about going in and stopping the explosions... Their answer: "Hey, he ain't killed anyone and we don't want to be the first"... Played a gig about 10 years later and Crazy Eddie was there... Very lucid and a nice guy??? Go figure... B~ |
