BS: my Spouse has left with our son!

Subject: RE: BS: my Spouse has left with our son!
From: GUEST,Anonymous Member
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 09:09 AM

I am out of the marital relationship, Robyn. I'm firm and clear about that choice. But we will always be in relationship as parents, and will have to find a way to forge a relationship that works for our son.

The road out of the marriage is clear and well lit. With respect to our son, however, there is no road apparent right now. Instead, there is a murky and fog-shrouded sea called 'The the Best Interests of Our Son.' I have a chart, but there isn't much on it. I know it is not in our son's best interests for his Dad and I to stay together. I know it is not in his best interest to be riding in the car with his Dad when Dad is 'under-the-influence.' I know I want our son to have as much of his Dad in his day-to-day life as is 'in his best interests.' But those are the only issues that are absolutely clear. I am consulting with experts, and at my request we are going to start mediation, so there will be some help to navigate these waters. I have full custody. Our son can call his Dad any time he wants. Right now I am allowing visitation two days a week. I hope the time comes when I can comfortably consent to open and flexible visitation, but much will depend on choices his Dad makes about dealing with substance abuse and anger issues.

I know his Dad loves him as much as do I, and that we both have strengths and weaknesses as parents. This will simply take time and careful and insightful thought to sort out.

Subject: RE: BS: my Spouse has left with our son!
From: Alba
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 09:29 AM

I wish you nothing but the best AM.
Strength, Support and Love.
Let us know how you are doing from time to time if you feel you can and my sincere warmest wishes to you ALL.
These times are hard and sad, but they will pass.
Here's to a bright Future. Sincerely.
Sending you Love and Light and holding you in my thoughts.
Jude

Subject: RE: BS: my Spouse has left with our son!
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 10:57 AM

You are on the right track, murky though it is. Too bad you and your partner waited for an explosion before trying to sort out your failed relationship.

Meantime, your mental health as well as your sons has to be the focus. Good luck.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: my Spouse has left with our son!
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 11:06 AM

The only bit of advice I feel safe offering is: be very careful about involving lawyers .... They tend to regard these situations as confrontations, whether they are or not, and sometimes end up fomenting more ill-feeling than there was to start with. You may all be much better off if you and your husband are able to come to an understanding and workable arrangements without resorting to the legal establishment. Of course, that may not be possible ... just something you may or may not want to think about ...

Subject: RE: BS: my Spouse has left with our son!
From: dianavan
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 12:37 PM

AM - It sounds like you are very clear about the needs of your son. Good start and hats off to you for making the break and deciding to focus on what is best for him. Its not easy.

Its best if you and your ex can agree on custody arrangements but if that fails, mediation works quite well. Find a lawyer who specializes in mediated settlements (they usually have a partner who will take it to court if necessary).

I'm glad you see the need for a father/son relationship. Dad can still remain an active and involved member of parental decisions and responsibilities. Although my children lived with me while growing up, they had an on-going relationship with dad. Now that they are adults, they are glad that we functioned as judicial parents regardless of the fact that we lived separately. Expectations are important and as long as you both give your child the same message, he will be able to adjust to the separation.

Good luck on your road to happiness.

Subject: RE: BS: my Spouse has left with our son!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 01:13 PM

All the best to you all. You know that we are here if you need to let off steam or just to get some encouragement on dark days.

Subject: RE: BS: my Spouse has left with our son!
From: Hawker
Date: 22 Jan 07 - 07:40 AM

AM,
I am glad to hear that you are taking steps in your life to find a new and peaceful route to tread, I wish you strong shoes to walk in and a hand to hold.
Much love and kindest thoughts, Lucy