BS: Clean, funny poems

Subject: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: Bainbo
Date: 21 May 07 - 04:31 PM

We've had limericks dirty and filthy, and we've had warped nursery rhymes. Can I put in a plea for something the same ... but different?

My wife works with adults with learning difficulties, and she's looking for shortish, probably funny poems, that conjure up a memorable picture - many of the clients don't write, but they can draw, and it'd be rewarding to see what they come up with. The poems can be cheeky, but basically clean - even though they're adults, tyou never know who you're going to offend.

Ones by Kenn Nesbitt have been going down well. Anyone got any others?

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 May 07 - 04:36 PM

You can find "clean" limericks HERE, but I am sure Mudcatters can come up with some that are just as good or better.

Neat idea to have them draw out what they hear.

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: GUEST
Date: 21 May 07 - 06:33 PM

This guy may be considered a bit "old hat", but I think he fits your bill. His own illustrations please me, and might offer some inspiration to your wife's clients.

His habit of ending limericks with exactly the same word as ended line one can be rather wearying after a number of examples, but he was viewed as a master in his day.

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: gnomad
Date: 21 May 07 - 06:36 PM

Oos 'ad me cookie?

That last guest was I.

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: Sorcha
Date: 21 May 07 - 06:41 PM

The trouble with kittens is THAT
Eventually they grow up to be a CAT
Ogden Nash. He has others. All are good.

Caterpillar. I'm a soft green feller with a belly full of filler.

Look for Spoonerisms too.

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: Rowan
Date: 21 May 07 - 07:22 PM

If you are seeking items that may hav more length than haiku, wakan or limericks, you might try the "Recitations anyone? thread.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: Micca
Date: 21 May 07 - 07:31 PM

Last night I held a little hand
so dainty and so neat
I thought my heart would burst
so wildly did it beat
no other hand unto my heart
could such gladness bring
for the hand I held last night
was 4 Aces and a King!!!!



He grasped me round my slender neck
I could not shout or scream
he carried me into his room
where we could not be seen
he tore away my flimsy wrap
and gazed upon my form
I was so cold and still and damp
while he was wet and warm
his feverish lips he pressed to mine
I let him have his way
he drained me of my very self
I could not stay him, nay
and then he cast me from him
thats why you find me here
an empty vesse, broken glass
that once held.....Bottled Beer

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: Donuel
Date: 21 May 07 - 09:08 PM

Isn't Shel Silverstein the guy you're looking for?

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: Leadfingers
Date: 21 May 07 - 09:23 PM

See the other thread ! Ogden Nash !

I think that I shall never see

A Billboard lovely as a tree

In fact unless the Billboards fall

I'll never see a tree at all

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: JennyO
Date: 21 May 07 - 11:45 PM

Spike Milligan had some good ones:


I must go down to the sea again,
To the lonely sea and the sky;
I left my shoes and socks there -
I wonder if they're dry?


Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?


There are holes in the sky
Where the rain gets in
But they're ever so small
That's why the rain is thin.


On the Ning Nang Nong
Where the Cows go Bong!
And the Monkeys all say Boo!
Theres a Nang Nong Ning
Where the trees go Ping!
And the tea pots Jibber Jabber Joo
On the Nong Ning Nang
All the Mice go Clang!
And you just cant catch em when they do!
So its Ning Nang Nong!
Cows go Bong!
Nong Nang Ning!
Trees go Ping!
Nong Ning Nang!
The mice go Clang!
What a noisy place to belong,
Is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 22 May 07 - 12:53 AM

I wrote this in 7th grade..

Three-Legged Bear

There once was a three-legged bear
In this world he had only one care
He never could find
his favorite kind
of three-legged underwear

I really haven't written anything else since then that was an improvement on it.

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: GUEST,harlowpoet
Date: 22 May 07 - 03:31 AM

In the queue at Noah's ark
the Aardvark rather flustered
Said "We were called before you
Stop pushing in, you Bustard"



http://www.harlowpoet.com/

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: GUEST,harlowpoet
Date: 22 May 07 - 01:56 PM

The boy stood on the burning deck
Although he never pegged it
Instead his thought was "bloody heck"
From the Cutty Sark, he legged it

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: Bill D
Date: 22 May 07 - 02:03 PM

Sail,
Gale,
Pale,
Rail.

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: Pseudolus
Date: 22 May 07 - 02:23 PM

The World's shortest Poem.....

FLEAS

Adam had 'em

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: beardedbruce
Date: 22 May 07 - 02:26 PM

sorry- not the shortest.


I
Fly.

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: Pseudolus
Date: 22 May 07 - 02:29 PM

Haha, I stand corrected!!

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: beardedbruce
Date: 22 May 07 - 02:32 PM

or even




Why?

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: beardedbruce
Date: 22 May 07 - 02:33 PM

My own shortest is

Itty
Bitty
Pretty
Kitty.




4 lines of iambic monometer. But not the shortest of all poems, of course.

Subject: RE: BS: Clean, funny poems
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 May 07 - 03:19 PM

Where is my long, thoughtful post? Aargh!