BS: music and memory

Subject: BS: music and memory
From: hilda fish
Date: 02 Oct 07 - 08:25 PM

It's hard for me to listen to Creedance without remembering that it was the soundtrack to the breakup of my youthful marriage. I listen to Jeff Buckley's 'Hallelujah' with memories of a hot summer in Sydney and a heart full of fear of someone dying. I still remember listening to the soundtrack of 'Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?' and I remember of sitting with my son and talking about the power of song alongside the power of faith and hope. It's hard to believe that 6 years ago today at approximately 7 a.m. this same son Cass left this mortal coil at 31 years of age. A man full grown but always this mothers first baby. On that day, and following, I was told many times that time will heal. At the time I didn't want to hear about time - time was ripping him away from me like a flooded river.
Time was already making a memory of him as the minutes between him living and dead ticked away. I wanted time to stop. I wanted his living flesh, his voice, his physical occupation of his place in our family. Time doesn't stop of course, and here I am, six years on with only his memory. Now of course, memory is wonderful. It is all I have
but I am glad that he lived, glad that I have the memory. Time doesn't heal - this loss is too momentous. Time has allowed all things to settle and my grief, although ongoing and sometimes crippling, has found its place. Life like death marches on and we are all okay, or not. My son lived, and mattered, as all of us live and matter. We die and that does not make us matter less. Think of my son Cass for a minute today in action. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you matter, then go and hug those you love and tell them you are enriched by their existence. Life is being lived - time is passing. Right now there is joy and sorrow - embrace both. The music lives on.

Subject: RE: BS: music and memory
From: Janie
Date: 02 Oct 07 - 09:37 PM

Oh hilda fish....thank you for sharing this, the gift of the grief and wisdom of your mother heart.

Peace be with you.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: music and memory
From: Kaleea
Date: 02 Oct 07 - 10:02 PM

Hilda, Yes, he did matter. He was created to be a unique individual with talents and abilities which no other human being ever had or will have. All that he was is not the body--that which he still is can never be lost. He will always be near.

Subject: RE: BS: music and memory
From: frogprince
Date: 02 Oct 07 - 10:24 PM

Thank you, and bless you, Hilda.
                   Dean

Subject: RE: BS: music and memory
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Oct 07 - 11:23 PM

Oh, your words take my breath away...thinking of my little grandson who gave me such a wondrous hug today. Such a beautiful and straight to/from the heart way you have with words, Hilda. Thank you and yes, I shall do as you say..tonight before I go to sleep.

Subject: RE: BS: music and memory
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 03 Oct 07 - 04:18 AM

Thank you for sharing Hilda. I shall hug my son and tell him I love him.

Khatt

Subject: RE: BS: music and memory
From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work
Date: 03 Oct 07 - 05:59 AM

It's incredible how a short phrase of music can catapult you straight back into some of the most amazing, traumatic, erotic or gut-wrenching moments of your life. One moment you're singing along, the next, you're a gibbering wreck in a soggy pile on the carpet.

The loss of someone you loved and shared a life with, can still hurt like it was only yesterday. Even after 33 years, I still feel the great hole in me that was filled by my brother.

LTS