BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010

Subject: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 07:48 AM

Well, my fellow Mudders, in one word...

it sucks...

Yeah, it sucks but it could suck alot worse, right??? But nevermind all the suckin' doomie-n-gloomie stuff 'cause I got some ideas on how to get it unsuck...

First, after watchin' the Repubs last night talkin' and jokin' while Obama was given his speech, we are gonna send all of 'um off to Emily Post University fir a refresher course in manners... But if that don't work then next year we'll have my 3rd grade teacher, Miss Dial, stationed in their section next year... Believe me, first time Mitch McConnel opens his mouth that yard stick gonna come crashin' down on him like bad case of the clap... Know what I mean???

Secondly, I want to talk about the budget... Sure it's a mess... We need more money and here's how weren't gonna get it... First of all, we're gonna legalize marijuana and the tax alone on selling it will bring in enough money to run every school in the country... But we're not gonna stop there... We're gonna sell off Florida... I figure that we oughtta get a couple trillion from China fir it... Of course, Mickey Mouse will now have slanty eyes and talk funny but for two trillion we can all live with that, right???

Thirdly, this spending has got to be brought under control... So I propose closing schools in the other Southern states and several mid-western states since schools pbviously aren't doing any good there... That alone will put another trillion dollars in the treasury...

Now, lotta ya'll thinkin' "Well, that all sounds purdy good but what ya' gonna do with bin Laden???"... Hey, I'm all for givin' him his own channel station where he and his boys can rant and rave all day long for free... Or if they just want make ugly faces or moon the camera that's okay, too... We can sell lots of ads to Halliburton and take that money and throw it in the treaury, too, right???

As for foriegn policy, I propose that we grant statehood to any country that wants in.... Of course there will be application fees and reviews and lots of paperwork to keep our government workers workin' so this is win-win-win... Plus, think of all the flags we'll be sellin'??? Before long we'll have a couple thousand stars on the sumabich and so we won't need night-time anymore, which I plan of callin' off once the flag gets to, ahhhhh, about the first thousand stars.... Now here's the beuty of this proposal... Folks ain't gonna attack us because they will be us, right??? Plus we can tax the crap outta them, too, right... Put another few trill in the till, right???

Lastly, my fellow Mudcatters, there are no gains without pain so I'm going to have to ask for some sacrifices here... Firstly, we are wasting too much time on shanty sings... This music is mindless and contributing to a decline in mental activity so they are out... Same with banjo music... Yeah, I know ya'll like them things but they are both activities like beating yer head on the walll 'cause it feels so good when ya' stop, right???

So, there you have it... If these steps don't get us outta sucksville then there's nuthin' that comes to mind that will so lets all get on board here, roll a joint for America and do our part as good and decent people...

Good bless Mudville and the United States of America...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: olddude
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 08:33 AM

LOL
can we please sir make New York City a separate country ... and a ban on Opry also .. not all kinds of opry just the kind where the overweight lady with the horns and the spear and braided hair yells at thunder and stuff like that..

And a heavy tax on Jell-o cause that will save us some money on health care

Free hotdogs on April 15th cause that is tax day and everyone I know ends up bitein the weeney anyways

Some shine in every jar also ...

and a new law that says if ya own and drive a big caddy and yer a geezer like me ya gotta be tall enough to look out the winder, cause I am always pushed off the roads with a big car that has only knuckles drivin it.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: olddude
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 08:39 AM

President Bobster,
I have an idea, can we make all MONEY outta some really good drugs. See that way no matter how much money a person gets paid, they will still always be happy?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 08:43 AM

What, New York City ain't a seperate country allready, oldster??? Dnge... Leant somethin' new everyday...

As fir Jello??? IT's nasty... Made form pig feet... Don'e eat it... It will make you sick and want to root... Smae with hotdogs... Nitrates give you brain cancer in mice...

Shine now is a differnt story... Gonna make it the National Drink...

As fir short or shunk people and Caddies... Hey, that's called Darminism... If the shunk people get into the Caddie and run into that tree by their driveway, total the Caddie and end up eatin' their Big Macs thru tubes then, hey, that's their own stupidity... Actaully, the Caddies weed out the stupid and shunk people quite nice, dontchathink???

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 08:57 AM

Good drugs??? Well, obviously you ain't been to Amos's neighborhood... I mean, once you get the stuff legal then the growers all go to growin' college and learn up all the latest and seein' that they ain't havin' to hide their plants in the mountain like me they can see to it that the plants get lots of attention and water and bat poo and lots of light when they want lots of light and not so much wehn it's buddin' time... You know, all that pot college stuff...

I mean, this is gonna be some kickass shit, oldster...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 09:31 AM

I disagree.

You gotta have loyal opposition to a SOTU, so I disagree. If you'd like to know what I disagree with, send a Post-Toasties boxtop and a buck to cover postage and handling. Or just pick something and tell everyone I disagree with it. Not that I'm going to do anything about it, because I represent the Great Apathetic Majority, or GAM. But I disagree with them also.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 09:42 AM

No banjos?
No Jell-O?
No shanties?

Are you actually planning on kicking Maine out of the Union?

You skinny little red neck! Jacqui and I will come kick your butt just for the fun of it. And if we bring the Captain along with his big gun - well, you're screwed.

Old Dude - get back in the outhouse where you belong.

P-Vine - we have to talk. I am calling a special meeting of the Evil Sisterhood. You have really done it this time, Bobert.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 09:44 AM

Well, Sins, remember that I disagreed.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 10:05 AM

You're safe, Rap. How do I join GAM?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 10:35 AM

Hey, I don't want nuthin' to do with the Capt'ns "big gun" but I just call 'um the way I sees 'um...

As fir an asswhup??? Yeah, bring it on... I'm overdue...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 10:46 AM

We're in B. After the Grammies. Don't want Jacqui mussing her hair over a banjo.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 11:15 AM

Great... I'll be lookin' forward to it...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 11:21 AM

Kendall says he's in too. So there! Big gun and all.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 11:26 AM

Word on the street is that big gun ain't what it used to be... But no matter... Like I said, I'm overdue so if ya'll want to just rent an old school bus and fill it up with folks then that be okay, too... I mean, I'll go down in folk history as da man who broke the shant/banjo stranglehold on our comunnity... Maybe I'll get martyrdom and 36 virgins, ya' think, Sins???

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: olddude
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 11:38 AM

I am still in the outhouse SINS,   that is just cold, just cold ..
sniff sniff ... tears ... I am dashed

bobster, can I have a jar of shine to keep me warm, the stuff with the little bubbles

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 11:40 AM

Bobert - if you can find 36 virgins, you can have them.

Old Dude - when was your last intake of chili dogs? Maybe we'll let you out at least to warm up. Or give you a match to light off your expulsions for warmth.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: olddude
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 12:31 PM

Not since the great airport restroom incident ...but I have become use to the doghouse, Shamus doesn't mind much ...

also SINS, now I am the guy that controls the website, hmmmm
how about a sister Mary photo on Capts ...tee hee hee

teasing, I am kidding ... don't kill me ...LOL

President Bobster,
can Maine also be a separate country ...??

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 12:39 PM

I won't kill you but Jacqui might. Seamus is coming home with me this weekend; you can have the dog house all to yourself.

Maine is a separate country - DC just hasn't figured it out yet. Fun to watch how our senators (both women) get those guys going...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 02:18 PM

Oldster,

No!!! At least fir now... Keep electin' Repubs to the Senate and that could change...

Sins,

Last time I knew where ya' could find 36 virgins was in nursery school...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 02:58 PM

I am all for impeaching Bobert on the no shanty score.

And this little ditty to encourage Sins and Jacqui to keep on with the good fight.

I'm about to whip somebody's ass

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 03:01 PM

36 vergins

Duz that mean them A raab terriers are jus waitin to go to their vallhalah heaven so they kin have relations with chilun ?
thz juz Sic!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 03:13 PM

Seems to me The State of the Onion is a lot of tears.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 05:17 PM

You don't have to do anything to join GAM. In fact, if you do anything we throw you out.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 11:23 AM

"So I propose closing schools in the other Southern states and several mid-western states since schools pbviously aren't doing any good there..."

I resent that, Bobert. I'm from the Midwest, and I can say 'carbonaceous chondrite.' How many others can claim the same?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: Bobert
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 11:42 AM

PM me where you live, leeneia an' I'll personally see to it that yer school stays open... Okay???

George Bush was right... It *is" "hard being president"!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: open mike
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 02:35 PM

gun? i thought it was a harpoon...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: olddude
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 03:28 PM

Ok Mr. Pres
what about hot dogs, do we get free hot dogs !!
if not then I tell ya ... there will be trouble the next election

and none of these store brand one either ... I want the good ones like the deli kind

yah

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: mousethief
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 03:58 PM

The whole left coast is leavin'. You'll have to meet visitin' eastern dignitaries in Carson City. That'll impress 'em.

O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: Bobert
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 04:33 PM

Hey, mouse, if the left coast finds a way out then I'll be right behind...

Now, oldster, hot dogs is bad fir ya'... They got nitrates which effects yer brain... Might of fact I allready tolt you this so maybe you need to step away from the hot dog stand yer ownseff... But not only can nitrates effect yer brain but the sceintists fed a hunnert mice hot dogs for 6 months and 87% of them mices got brain cancer!!! Now you don't wnat no president who is out to poison ya', do ya'??? So you go out an' tell all yer friends that ol' Bobert is lookin' out for their health and welfare... Ya' hear???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: olddude
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 07:20 PM

Pres Bobster
but the hot dog brings world peace ... unlike Jell-O that makes people angry, surely as the duly elected Pres of the Cat you can understand that ... Hence forth ... free hotdogs for all ... How can we expect to have world peace without them

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: GUEST,Alex
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 05:24 PM

Bobert says "Folks ain't gonna attack us because they will be us, right?"

Yeah, Bobert, that worked in 1861!

--
Alexandra von Middendorff
US out of VT!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's State of the Union-2010
From: Bobert
Date: 31 Jan 10 - 12:42 PM

Yeah, Alan, 1861 was a bad year fir that kinda stuff... But thems was different times... We was nuke-less back then... Plus we had the so-called great president, Abe Lincoln, who like George Bush, was kinda lookin' for a fight... No, not persoanlly, ya' see... Abe didn't suit up for Manassas with the grunts...

But with nukes ya' can do stuff that Abe only dreamed about... I mean, after the Yanks came up to James River and found themselves blocked from gettin' any further and then blasted to pieces from cannons above them I think that a nuked-up Abe would taken Richmond out in a heartbeat... I mean, didn't Abe fire McClennan 'cause Mac wouldn't fight??? Yeah, Abe woulda nuked Richmond and prolly nuked Fredricksburg the following day just fir fun...

BTW, nukin' folks ain't fun... So I say, anyone wants in, yer in and anyone want's out, dn't let the door hit ya' on the way out... But when ya' leave we're cuttin' off all the dough we're sending ya'... Don't take it personal, tho, but no foriegn aid to VT...

B~