Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16

Subject: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: mousethief
Date: 29 Nov 10 - 12:32 AM

SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12

Okay, Christmas/Kwanzaa/Chanukkah/Festivus/Solstice/Your-Festival-Goes-Here is almost upon us! We can give one another a wonderful holiday gift by writing funny songs!

And what better to write funny songs about than a bizarre news item culled from the World Wide Interweb?

Burglar bakes, surfs and leaves

JACKSONVILLE, Fla., Nov. 28 (UPI) -- A burglar invaded a house in Florida while the owners were away for Thanksgiving, baked brownies and used a computer to look at porn sites, police said.

A neighbor discovered the intruder Thanksgiving morning, The Florida Times-Union in Jacksonville reported. The Jacksonville couple who live in the house had asked the neighbor to keep an eye on it, and he was concerned when he saw the garage door was open.

When the neighbor used a spare key to get in, he found a young man in the living room who pulled out a gun, police said. The weapon had been stolen from the bedroom.

Police surrounded the house. But when they went inside, they found it empty.

They did find signs that someone had been active in the kitchen, baking brownies, and had slept in the owners' bed. They found a nylon bag full of liquor bottles taken from the house on the front seat of a van in the garage, suggesting the burglar had been planning to steal the van as well.

The computer had been used with porn sites recently accessed.

The burglar apparently got in by using the remote control from an unlocked car in the driveway to get into the garage.

Okay, let's hear some great new lyrics!

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 29 Nov 10 - 01:32 AM

I went down to sunny Florida,
For to try to earn a living.
But found myself homeless,
When it came to Thanksgiving.
So I searched for an empty house,
Where the folks had gone away.
I wanted...... with no money,
Somewhere nice I could stay.

In a car on someones driveway,
A remote there did lie.
The car was left unlocked,
And I just don't know why.
I entered via the garage door,
Then into the main house.
Tried not to alert neighbours,
I was quiet as a mouse.

I made myself some brownies,
Then thought I'd rest my head.
So I lay in good comfort,
In the kind owners bed.
It was whilst in that bedroom,
I searched round it... for fun.
And only by chance there,
I found me a gun.

Found the owners computer,
And soon got online.
The daily news was dreadful,
But the porn was divine.
A neighbour came in and caught me,
So I had to pull the gun.
I quickly left my comfort,
And I'm now on the run.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 30 Nov 10 - 02:14 AM

Bit slow again challengees...... come on folks get stuck in... get those mind juices working....

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: mousethief
Date: 03 Dec 10 - 12:09 AM

Here's a lonely Silver BLOB to Georgiansilver for the reverent:
The daily news was dreadful,
But the porn was divine.

Wonder where everyone's gone?

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: mousethief
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 01:54 AM

It looks like maybe this song contest has run its course. I'm just not Aine.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 04:08 AM

I guess the interest in doing it has waned for some people.... I personally enjoy ... or perhaps hunger for...the challenge. You did a good job mousethief but a lacklustre response I'm sad to say from those with imagination.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 07:21 AM

mousethief/Alex, your Challenge 2.0 has yielded some highlights of poetry, which stand any comparison to the 1.0 samples I have read. (Our friend Genie seems nostalgic about the old days, but she would do a better service to her fame if she joined in here.)

Perhaps you should think of reforming the review system, which in its present form looks too predictable. Of course it's ok that every entry is being honoured; maybe a more individual and variable style can make for a better incentive. If that is too much work, you may enlarge the jury.

Nuff said. Please don't give up, we need you! Don't be a second-best Áine, stay the best mousethief!

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 10:33 AM

Oh, fiddlededee!! ^These challenges are terrific.

I am less responsive to your curves than I was to Aine's, but don't take that personally!

I would have had a number for this one but I have been swamped.

I shall persevere and produce one.


But only if you knock off the whining.


A

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 05:20 PM

I'd rather expected a flood of seasonal parodies on the lines of 'O Come All Ye Faithful', but it seems inspiration is flagging amongst the challengees. I can only plead pressure of work as an excuse for not attempting a response before now, and all I can come up with is a rather poor pastiche of the lovely "carol" Jacob's Well


The Jacksonville Intruder

At Jacksonville a stranger sought
His hungry frame to cheer,
Florida neighbours little thought
That a burglar had come near.

This had they known, with their cellphone
For backup they'd have called;
Nor have the police e'er been known
An urgent call to have ignored.

Inside the house the stranger strolled,
And slept an hour or two,
He warmed himself against the cold
By baking brownies too.

Now Florida must the stranger find,
Or else look foolish too,
And if you leave your door open wide
The next victim could be you.

Matthew


@ mousethief Keep up the good work, Alex! Your challenges are great fun - pay no attention to Amos's rude remarks about your curves. I'm sure you have got beautiful curves!

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 06:10 PM

Nice one Matthew.. glad you're still around!

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 04:19 PM

Amos, your fans are waiting....

"I shall persevere and produce one."

M

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: MMario
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 01:15 PM

mousethief - I think part of it was that Aine's challenges were more irregular in timing....so anticipation built.

I have followed your - but inspiration hasn't struck... sorry

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: mousethief
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 03:06 PM

If you like apples I have a fine curve.

I don't think it's whining to say, "well this doesn't appear to be working."

I dunno about the "incentive" thing. If you're only doing this for a silly mention in a bullet list for a silly award, why bother? It's about reading each others' funny words, being stretched to come up with something creative and fun. How should I change the awards thing? Maybe just pick one I like and only give out one Cow Chip? Or maybe have everybody vote for their favourite, or say what they liked about it? or maybe do away with the awards altogether?

I'm all ears.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 04:11 PM

Since I'm not a lyricist, I cannot speak authoritatively about incentives. A more competetive flavour does not seem adequate or desired. "Say what they liked about it" best sums up my idea. The B.L.O.P. was meant for this purpose, maybe it should be extended. Sometimes I have a comment but don't want to interrupt the thread. I'm sure many other readers are even shyer than I (;-)) and would love to comment if there were an accepted place for that. Some time ago I suggested a "critics' thread". NB: such reviews are probably an incentive for poets and readers alike, I would love to read them. - Just raw ideas.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 05:42 PM

mousethief... it's great just as it is.... keep it up!

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: Trapper
Date: 14 Dec 10 - 06:41 PM

I know the problem! The internal TITLE says FIT 12, not FIT 16 - and everybody thought they'd already DONE Fit 12!!

kidding... I was distracted by Thanksgiving myself, then away on vacation, and then a funeral upon my return. But I'm BACK, with a new submission!

LONG LIVE THE SONG CHALLENGE!!! Thanks Mousethief!


THANKSGIVING BROWNIES
Tune: I've Been Working on the Railroad (Traditional)
New Words: Trapper (Al Boyce)


I've been baking up some brownies
All the live long day
I've been baking up some brownies
While the neighbors are away
It must be Thanksgiving morning
Broke in to warm up late last night
Then I hacked in their computer
To surf sex terrabytes!

Dinah won't you blow
Dinah won't you blow
Dinah, won't you blow his horn!
Dinah won't you blow
Dinah won't you blow
Dinah, won't you blow his horn!

Someone's in the chat room with Dinah
Someone's in the chat room, it's men!
Someone's in the chat room with Dinah
Strumming on her violin!

Fee fie fiddlie eye fen
Fee fie fiddlie eye fen
Fee fie fiddlie eye fen
Strumming on her violin!


Surfing porn gets mighty thirsty
All the live long eve
Surfing porn gets mighty thirsty
As the porn sites you perceive
Lucky they had lots of liquor
Ended my pornographic drought!
Put the rest into trash bag,
And then I passed right out!

[next day...]

Woke up with a freaking headache
Had to make some chow!
Woke up with a freaking headache
Had to eat right now!
I just found a box of brownies
And this Magnum 44
While I was chowing on the sofa
In came the guy next door!

Bud, I'm gonna blow
Bud, I'm gonna blow
Bud, I'm gonna blow your head (right off!)
Bud, I'm gonna blow
Bud, I'm gonna blow
Bud, I'm gonna blow your head!

Neighbor's gonna call the pigs now
Gotta dash before he comes back!
Neighbor's gonna call the pigs now
Where's I put my liquor sack?

Flee, fly, skiddley eye snack
Flee, fly, skiddley eye snack
Flee, fly, skiddley eye snack
Where'd I put my liquor sack?


I've been crashing at the neighbors
On Thanksgiving eve
Had a fun time at the neighbors
Too much to be believed!
Surfed some porn and had some brownies
Got drunk and took it on the lam!
Now to celebrate Thanksgiving -
With turkey at my Gram's!

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: Trapper
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 11:39 AM

LOL Georgiansilver! Sounds like a "pilot" for a much longer ballad! What's the tune?

Good one Matthew! I'm not familiar with the tune, but your song scans well. Your Intruder is a bit more polite than mine or Georgians!

- Al

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 11 - 08:53 PM

The Ballad of the Door Opener



Ever since my Candy left me
I've been all alone
She took my television, too
She took my new I-Phone
Took the iPad and the laptop
While I was in the crapper
Only thing she left me was
My old garage door zapper!

Up! Down! Down and up!
It's all I have to do
Watch that stupid garage door,
I'm fed up through and through
If that damn bitch was here right now
Id kick her ass ands slap her
For taking all my everything
Except the garage door zapper.

It took me years to find a girl
Who'd put up with my style
I'm kinda anti-social
ANd I do not often smile.
I don't care much for feeling
Tho' I greatly love to schtup!
And now she's gone, and I sit home
ANd watch that door go up.

Up! Down! Down and up!
It's all I have to do
Watch that stupid garage door,
I'm fed up through and through
If that damn bitch was here right now
Id kick her ass ands slap her
For taking all my everything
Except the garage door zapper.

I cruised the town, and I cruised the burbs
Hoping to find some lovin'
But it seems she'd put the word out
'Bout my hitting, and my shovin'
And everyone turned their back on me
OF the gals I knew in town
So I guessed I''d just go back and watch
That door go up and down!

Up! Down! Down and up!
It's all I have to do
Watch that stupid garage door,
I'm fed up through and through
If that damn bitch was here right now
Id kick her ass ands slap her
For taking all my everything
Except the garage door zapper.

But as I drove through Fairville Way
A-clicking on my clicker
I heard a most amazing sound
(THough it might have been the liquor).
A garage door was opening
In a home I did not know
And it was plain no-one was in
As up that door did go!!

Up! Down! Down and up!
Just like a magic charm
That clicker worked that garage door
With never an alarm!
And in that house was food and drink!
A laptop and a mouse
I even found a .44
In the bedroom of that house!

I laughed and pranced and surfed and danced
This new found life was bitchin!
I even made some brownies up
In their all-electric kitchen!
I satisfied my furious lust
Cruising the web for porn.
And I napped in that rich man's bed
As though a rich man born.

Up! Down! Up! Down!
My special in and out!
My whanger whanged the evening through,
Til I was plumb wore out!
But as I drifted off to sleep
On his silken sheets so fine
I heard someone make a rattling sound
ANd that alarmed my mind.

I ran out through that garage door
I knocked the neighbor down
ANd I peeled out and sped away
To the cheaper end of town
Back to my dreary stupid flat
With its ugly little crapper.
But never mind! Cuz I've still got
That little garage door zapper!

Up! Down! Down and up!
It's all I have to do
Watch that stupid garage door,
I'm fed up through and through
I'm sorry that the broad is gone
That tawdry little flapper.
But she made it up to me, because
She left that garage door zapper.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 09:47 AM

There, a promise kept if somewhat roughly.

I heard from Aine the toher day out of the blue!! She's getting back into music and will come visit the Cat again!


A

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 16
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 10:38 AM

Nice one Amos! even though it took nine months gestation!

Matthew