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BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 01 Aug 11 - 12:54 PM 100... Hey Hawk, should I go on to scene two? GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 01 Aug 11 - 01:22 PM "Let's" as in "let us" write as in we are all writing a story together. Anything you include here is part of the story. If you agree to become part of the story, you contribute to the story. Separate works, being separate, are not part of the story. Following your caveats, I have not read your "shooting script." I doubt that anyone participating in the "truly bad piece of fiction will." Said Chongo, the Chimp to Saney The Screenwriter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Little Hawk Date: 01 Aug 11 - 01:47 PM I don't know, GfS. It depends on what you really want to do with your time today, I guess. I think you're akin to a musician playing to an almost empty arena here. You look about and there are five, maybe six people scattered about in the stands. One is asleep. Another pair are talking loudly and laughing. Another is yelling "WHOOOO!" every now and then and swigging his beer, but he doesn't really know why. And Jack is over in the corner spraying "cock and balls" on the walls with his spray can. You have to ask yourself whether merely practicing your craft is justification enough for carrying on with the gig regardless of the largely oblivious public, just to hone your skills. It's your call. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:07 PM That was the strangest rejection letter he had ever received. Was the not-editor drowning in an ocean of coffee flavored self pity? "I'll have a double shot of ennui on the rocks with a chaser of defeatism." he said as he walked into the bar. "No long faces in here Mr. Kerry." said the barkeep. "If you don't let me cut off your chin, you will have to leave. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Little Hawk Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:11 PM You think Kerry had a long chin? Ha! Remember Brian Mulroney? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:16 PM Mulroney isn't allowed in the bar either. Or Mr. Ed. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Rapparee Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:22 PM Pegasus, being freed from his pen by Belize (who was now in Greece), flew gracefully into the evening sky, bound for Janie's Nipples to rescue the sheep from the shepherds, who, having been trapped with them for so long, were starting to yearn for the ewes and, in a few cases, each other as well. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:29 PM Ennis: "I jest cain't get over you Pennis." Pennis: "I jest cain't get over you." Ennis: "That's why we keep comin on back to Brokeback Nipples." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:33 PM Well I kept asking.....I figured YOU'D be the one to ask. The 'other guy' rarely makes sense....except to 'other guys' who don't make sense! If this is going to be a hodge podge, that's OK with me....BTW, the other one is a mind blower, as it unfolds. I've gotten about half way through the scene two, on this computer....I don't need to post it....or(?) GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:51 PM Jake say alone at the counter of the Tim Horton's, sippin on an Ice Cap, wallowing in self pity. He was ashamed of all he had said and done. George wasn't such a bad guy. He hadn't deserved all that. The thought of the pictures of what Belize and the monkey had done to that man still sent shivers down Jake's spine. Once more Jake stared up into the valley, triangle shaped, heavily wooded, framed by the convergence of mountains, locally called "The Mother's Legs" which, so lithe, strong and shapely, must have been held in place by the boundless stirrups of nature herself. The sun was crowning in the crack between the mounds. The water had broken. The flood had receded. Weary, chastened, yet relieved and more sexually alive and self aware, Jake Tillington witnessed the birth of a new day. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Little Hawk Date: 01 Aug 11 - 04:17 PM Why all the sexual innuendo, Jack? Not getting enough lately? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 01 Aug 11 - 04:19 PM Just the opposite. I think that overuse of sexual metaphors is bad writing. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 01 Aug 11 - 04:21 PM truly bad fiction starts with a dick son. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 01 Aug 11 - 04:28 PM BTW that was a rebirth metaphor. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Little Hawk Date: 01 Aug 11 - 04:33 PM "I think that overuse of sexual metaphors is bad writing." Oh, I see. ;-) Okay! I get your point and I now understand why you are doing what you're doing. I also see that I should have worded the title of this thread a bit differently. ;-) I had not meant to provoke bad writing along the particular lines you seem to be pursuing. It just didn't occur to me that anyone would go along those lines. I had something rather different in mind. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 01 Aug 11 - 04:35 PM I think you should have been specific and given guidelines. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Little Hawk Date: 01 Aug 11 - 04:44 PM You're absolutely right. (sigh) I should have done it in the first post. Too late now. This train wreck has taken on a life of its own. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Little Hawk Date: 01 Aug 11 - 04:45 PM By the way...how come you have this much time to BS on Mudcat? You unemployed or something? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 01 Aug 11 - 05:22 PM It's interesting to see the sort of things each person chooses to write on this thread. 'Bad fiction' seems to have resulted in a psychotherapy analysis session, with each person letting rip with their inner self. My own (feeble) contributions seem to have been drawn from some PG Wodehouse-type personality. Do you think each contribution tells us a bit about the inner personalities of the posters? Or am I reading too much into this? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Little Hawk Date: 01 Aug 11 - 05:24 PM Yes, I think so, Eliza. You could say that about this whole forum. It's like a giant (but very disorganized) exercise in psychotherapy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 01 Aug 11 - 05:30 PM I agree, Little Hawk, that the forum as a whole is a bit like psychotherapy, but the other threads give a more restricted field, as they specify a topic. However the 'free association' of writing any 'bad' fiction gives unlimited scope, and people really let it all out! (I occasionally did this with my pupils, let them write just anything, a paragraph or so. Take away the constrictions and you get a glimpse of the person inside the head. Quite fascinating! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 01 Aug 11 - 05:35 PM I'm pretty sure that all it says about me is that I watch a lot of movies and I like to make silly things up. Oops, gotta go Omniscient Narrator is calling. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Amos Date: 01 Aug 11 - 05:57 PM In a dark alley in the shadows of the fluorescent bar signs along the avenue, Omni N., as we will call him, lurked, waiting. His dark raincoat was blown around his long, knobby legs by a cold wind off the river, and scraps of old newspaper and abandoned hypodermics rattled in the grimed edges of his awareness. A porkpie hat sat tight on his over-sized head, shadowing his all-seeing, all-knowning beady eyes. He had been waiting in the dank, chilled shadows of the alley for hours, knowing what was coming and prepared to wait patiently for it. He glanced at his watch, a thin Swiss brand on a leather strap that was sweatstained and sun-darkened. 1:30 AM. Ah, well. The night was young. Sooner or later, he knew, Jack would show up, no matter what had to happen to make it occur. It was unavoidable; this much, he knew with absolute certainty... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 02 Aug 11 - 11:30 AM Empty auditorium?? Sexual references and innuendos?? Psychotherapy??... Boy! Wait till scene two!! GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Little Hawk Date: 02 Aug 11 - 12:27 PM It says a great deal more about you than that, Jack! ;-) But I shall maintain a discreet silence about it. The revelations could be quite disturbing... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: autolycus Date: 02 Aug 11 - 12:36 PM Speaking as a Gestalt therapist,........ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 02 Aug 11 - 01:24 PM Gestalt the Rapist, was your typical serial psychopath, lurking in the long ominous shadows, of the Great Omni wading through the Freudian muck of lesser people's minds biding his time, letting out the psychological rope. There would be some self inflicted hangings soon. Jogging in the Jungian dreamscape, armed with nothing but devious thoughts and a gallon ziploc freezer bag full of counterfeit Mexican Prozac. He was lurking. He was ready. He was biding his time. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 02 Aug 11 - 03:01 PM Batman and Robin were lying in bed together smoking a cigarette. They hadn't done anything sexual. They didn't swing that way. Not that there is anything wrong with that. They had only been cuddling. A ring tone rang out. "Bat out of Hell." What else? "Holy technological upgrade Batman! Is that the Bat Phone?" Robin inquired. "No just my iPhone." "But you glued little black wings on it like you did with your dildos. Right?" "Robin! Have you been looking in my drawers?" Robin winked and said "Nice drawers they are too." "You need to get your own place." Tired of the ringing, Batman turns his attention to the phone. "Its the Batman here. State your business." he rumbles. "Stay calm commissioner." "Who did you say has come to Gotham to spread mayhem and 18 year old amateur screenplays?" "The most diabolical foe of them all, known for excessive and constant questionable use of exclamation marks?" "The Punctuator!!!!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Little Hawk Date: 02 Aug 11 - 03:06 PM Ha! ;-D I like it! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 02 Aug 11 - 03:16 PM Jake was in it up to his neck now. In a dirty Brownsville jail busted by the Border patrol for smuggling counterfeit Mexican generic Prozac (Prozacito) into the country. He knew the charges wouldn't stick. It was a trumped up charge in a hypothetical situation and the evidence was placebo. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 02 Aug 11 - 04:06 PM SCENE #2 (AFTERNOON) SFX --SOUNDTRACK --'Dangerous Days' PRESENT DAY EXT. AERIAL VIEW --JOY"S BACK YARD TITLES: " YEARS LATER" Woman lounging, sunning, relaxing. JOY, mid 30's, blonde wearing a one piece black bathing suit, sunglasses, hair wrapped in towel. (At the time, Michelle Pfeiffer was slated for the part) WIDER VIEW Old truck on street, in distance, approaching house. EXT. JOY"S FRONT DOOR MICHAEL & SCOTT SCOTT -- Tall thin, curly haired, somewhat of a 'professional inheritor'. Reserved. Michael knocks ..waits .. Knocks again. MICHAEL They'd better be ho….. The door opens. They are greeted by HEATHER, mid-teen, very cute, perfectly beautiful girl, long blonde hair, blue eyes. JOY"S daughter. Dead ringer for a younger version of JOY. MICHAEL Hi, we're here for the paint job. HEATHER Oh, wait, let me get my mom. She turns, disappears. Scott and Michael are watching her closely. SCOTT Shit!! Did you see that?! What an 'Erector Set'!! MICHAEL Look, we're here to paint, so if you don't think you can keep at least one of your minds on - - SCOTT Don't worry, you know me better than - - Door swings open. Joy appears wearing no make up, towel and sunglasses. Very covered up. MICHAEL Hello, my names is Michael, the painter. Your friend Jean sent me over to look at your house. I believe she told -- JOY Oh yes… My name is Joy, come on in. MICHAEL Yes Ma'am. They enter the house. INT. JOY"S HOUSE MICHAEL This is Scott, one of my helpers. JOY I had a painter before, but he was so slow and hardly spoke any English. He did the walls, but I need to get the doors and trim finished. SERIES OF SHOTS Michael and Scott looking at work to be done, meanwhile taking lustful, but cautious notice of Heather.. (AD LIB) BACK TO SCENE MICHAEL (While figuring the costs) So, you want just the baseboards, door casings, and doors, right? JOY Right. Heather walks by. MICHAEL I could do it for $575. JOY (Surprised) Sure! Your price is very reasonable. Heather walk by. MICHAEL No problem. This should take only two or three days anyway. When do you want us to start? JOY How about tomorrow, or the next day? He jots down his number on a piece of paper. MICHAEL Fine. Here's my phone number. JOY That will be great! See you then! He turns, opens door, Scott, then Michael exits. EXT. FRONT OF JOY"S HOUSE Heather giggling, calls from door as Scott and Michael leave. HEATHER (O.S.) (Giggle, Lilting voice) G'Bye….. Michael and Scott turn together, enter truck, and drive off. INT. SCOTT'S TRUCK While driving down the street, a few moments of thick silence, together at the same time: MICHAEL & SCOTT (Together, in unison)) Did you see - - SCOTT - -The …Daughter?! MICHAEL - - how ….little there is to paint? They look at each other, and start laughing. SCOTT What a babe!! Don't tell me you didn't check her out! MICHAEL Sure, but she's a little young, don't you think ? SCOTT Well, maybe for you….. MICHAEL I'm NOT getting involved with her, even if she were older….or foxier! SCOTT Why not? MICHAEL As a man gets older, he begins to know what is good for him…..and so should his woman! - - SCOTT You could easily use having a woman around. Think of the kids….. MICHAEL Yeah, that's all I need….a mom for the kids who's about a year or two older than my duaghter! SCOTT (In a conniving tone) You could always hit on the mom MICHAEL Gimme a break! Besides, I have too much work to do, not only that, did it ever occur to you that she might already be married??? SCOTT I doubt it. I didn't see a ring on her finger. MICHAEL Look! I'm not up for starting any sort of relationship with ANYONE, especially nowadays. Too much work for so little return. This is just another paint job, and not the first one I've done, when there is some fox in the house. Usually it's a bored, middle aged house wife, hangin' around just waiting for you to hit on 'em! It's bullshit! It's all bullshit! L.A. is full of 'em. They get together and encourage themselves to be single and bored. They just get older and more bored, and boring….did I mention older? Next they get bitter, and blame it all on the all the men they've had in their lives. It's all bullshit!! SCOTT O.K ..Okay Don't get pissed! MICHAEL Sometimes I just can't help it..Then guys like you, my friends, come along and wonder why I don't go for them. All you do is invite their bitterness into your life. Then they spend years playing games, testing you, to find out if you are going to be as big as an asshole, as their first four or five ol' men, that they threw out. I wonder if it occurs to them, that THEY are the biggest reason that all their men turned into assholes! SCOTT Yeah, but I know some ladies that are alright, and it was the guys they married that were the assholes. MICHAEL Then why marry them in the first place?! I'm not saying that it's the woman's fault, necessarily, Nor the man's, that pisses me off ….. What gives me the ass is STUPIDITY, no matter what sex it comes through! …and then I might add, that YOU, thinking about getting strung out on some Cute teenage chippy-fox, just because she's so fuckin' cute, is part of that STUPIDITY of which I speak! SCOTT (Acquiescing ) OK…..Shit, don't get pissed! Don't forget, I offered to help you for nothing. MICHAEL I just want to make sure that you and your infatuation with the customer's daughter don't get in the way of the job getting done….JEEZE!! INT. MICHAEL'S STUDIO Michael and Scott enter. Richaed sitting on stool, playing bass. RICHARD: Tall, loud, somewhat jaded, being divorced, and having custody of his two children , but very intelligent and articulate, from New Jersey, and a serious student of music. Speaks with Jersey accent. RICHARD So, how'd it go? MICHAEL OK, We got it. RICHARD GOOD! Every buck counts! MICHAEL I'm going into the house to check on the kids and grab a bite. Back in a bit. Michael exits. Just then Richard looks up at Scott. RICHARD So, how much is he going to charge? SCOTT (Disgruntled) About five seventy five, or something like that. RICHARD That's not much! SCOTT I know. I don't even know why he's wasting his time. RICHARD You seemed bummed out. SCOTT Yeah. RICHARD What's wrong? SCOTT Aw …. It's Michael ..He's been raggin' on me. RICHARD How come? SCOTT I don't know. We go over to this house and meet this lady, who's got this daughter, a mega-fox, and ever since, he's been chewin' my ass, just because I was attracted to her. RICHARD (laughs) Well, he's probably right, you know. SCOTT (thoughtfully) Yeah, I suppose so. RICHARD Don't let it get you down, besides you know Michael. He's got so much to do all the time. The thought of re-directing his time and energy into chicks probably conjures up nothing but hassle! He's probably freaked out that you're going to get hooked onto her daughter in the middle of a project, and waste time. SCOTT You think that was bad? You should have heard him after I brought it up to him, that maybe HE should consider hooking up with a woman! RICHARD Can you blame him?? He's been through a lot, and still crankin'. He's cautious about women, And doesn't want them hangin' around for nothing'. SCOTT I thought it was something else. RICHARD Hard to understand him, ever since he had this experience quite a few years ago. SCOTT Bad relationship? RICHARD He says it's a dimensional thing….spiritual or mystical vision thing…I don't know…but no matter what he goes though, he seems to always land on his feey. His 'luck' is uncanny. He's been different, ever since. Just then Michael enters the studio. MICHAEL Am I interrupting something? RICHARD (changes tone) No. Get your guitar. MICHAEL Oh, OK…Why don't we work on that song we started last week. As he walks across the room, to his guitar stand…. MICHAEL Just got off the phone with Joy,..lady with the paint job…She's leaving in the morning…leaving me a key in the flower pot, by her front door….. SCOTT (Somewhat timidly) I was thinking' about what you said earlier..about Heather, the daughter..I think you might be right…I shouldn't be over there, I'd probably screw things up. MICHAEL You don't have to be…Don't worry about it. SCOTT Yeah, and I'm going on that trip anyway. It's not that I don't want to work -- MICHAEL I said 'Don't worry about it'. It's not a big job that I can't handle. EXT. JOY'S HOUSE --MORNING Old pick-up paint truck pulling into driveway. Michael on porch reaching into hanging flower pot ...finds key. INT. JOY'S HOUSE SERIES OF SHOTS #1 Michael looking around to make sure nobody is there. #2 Stirring paint in can. #3Michael painting #4Breaks for lunch. LATE IN AFTERNNON : #5 Michael looking tired, begins packing up. NEXT DAY : MORNING: #6 Michael driving up Joy's street, passes Joy who is driving and old oxidized BMW. He waves. very quick …. He does not get a good look at her, nor tries. (NOTE: Up to this point, he never has really seen her.) #7 Michael on Joy's porch, searches for key, gets key, enters front door. INT. JOY"S HOUSE #8 Sees note on table, picks it up, and reads it. NOTE (Voice over: Joy's voice) Please keep this key with you. (signed) "Joy" Michael pulls pen from pocket, writes "O.K", the chuckles. Michael painting. …STOPS…He looks around, as if he thought he hears something…he stares a moment, shrugs it off….repeats…. MICHAEL Get back to work, FOOL! Later, pouring paint in a bucket…STOPS…as if an unseen voice is calling him. He appears slightly dazed. Shakes his head, as if to shake himself out of it, and returns to working. AFTERNOON: INT. JOY'S SERVICE PORCH Michael painting baseboards SFX -- (O.S.) -- Front door opens then shuts. Sounds of high heeled footsteps hurriedly crossing room. He peers around corner, sees back of Joy disappearing into hallway.. Returns to painting. JOY (O.S.) Looks good, I've got to leave…I'm in a hurry… lock up . MICHAEL (monotone) O-KA-A-A-A-Y JOY (O.S.) (slight lilt in voice) Thank you-u-u- SFX --(O.S.) -- Front door shutting..footsteps leaving…car starting…pulling out, leaving. INT. JOY'S LIVING ROOM He slowly walks in, partially in a daze, head turns, slowly, as if trying to identify something unseen that he is 'hearing'….. snaps out of it. SFX --(O.S.) -- Joy's car pulling up into driveway.. He snaps to, and hurries to the service porch, as if he was working the whole time. SFX --(O.S.) -- Front dorr opening briskly…footsteps… JOY (O.S.) I forgot something MICHAEL (under his breath) Ding-bat. Michael stands up ..rounds the corner of the doorway, only to see the back of a neatly dressed Joy, exiting the front door……He goes into a light daze…snaps out of it…gathers his tools…leaves. GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 02 Aug 11 - 04:10 PM SCENE# 3 MICHEAL'S STUDIO Michael enters, Scott at piano,..Richard looking over music charts. SCOTT How's Heather? MICHAEL Haven't seen her yet. SCOTT How's Joy?? MICHAEL Don't know, I barely see her in passing. SCOTT I leave tomorrow night…I'll be gone for a week or two. MICHAEL Swing by when you're back..I should be done by then RICHARD (impatient) That would be nice…I thought you said it would be only a couple of days..been over a week MICHAEL I'm going as fast as I can… funny thing though, there's a strangeness about that place. I start working, then I get hit with an odd feeling… and I just stand there like a spaced zomboid. RICHARD Don't get TOO spaced out.. You have a couple of laser projects waiting to get started. Just keep banging it out. ..you can't afford to get sidetracked, and waste time. MICHAEL No problem.. I'll just use whatever is 'zoning me out' to inspire me to write SOMETHING altogether NEW… you watch! .. What have you done today? RICHARD I just got in.. Thought I'd go over these charts. SCOTT Not much…. Just tinkering around on the piano. You think I'm thinking about Heather? I'm not. Michael rolls his eyes, shakes his head, sighs, as to say, "Yeah, sure!" GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 02 Aug 11 - 04:13 PM Scene two might appear to be before scene three...depends how you came into the room. Check first. GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 02 Aug 11 - 04:14 PM Batman had a cramp in his finger. His scrolling finger. He had had to scroll through a seemingly endless stream of unknown quantity. He knew how to read copyright warnings. He knew how to keep his word. He refused to be drawn into The Punctuator's trap. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Janie Date: 02 Aug 11 - 07:56 PM The young woman in the professional suit walked down the avenue at as fast a clip as she could manage, painfully, even frightfully aware of how much attention she was bound to draw, dressed as she was in a business suit and carrying an expensive leather briefcase. Why in the world had she agreed to this meeting, under these circumstances? "Because I'm desperate idiot, that's why!" She came to a sudden stop, reconsidering her options. Keep going? Turn back and hope she made it safely back to the car? Hail a cab? What would Jake do if she didn't show up? She turned and looked back down the sidewalk in the direction from which she had come, and glimpsed a man in a pork pie hat leaning against the wall in the shadows not 5 feet from where she was standing. "Is he looking at me? I can't tell. Better keep moving." Tightening her grip on the leather case, she stepped out again in the same direction she had been heading, trying to ignore the way her heart was pounding in her chest. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 02 Aug 11 - 08:07 PM "Tillington!" Bellowed the guard "visitor." Jake walked out to the table and sat down. He eyed the young lady across the glass and picked up the phone? "Nice Suit." "Thanks, I guess." "Are you my lawyer?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 02 Aug 11 - 08:11 PM "Naww", he said.."I'ze be a pimpin' fool!...You wanna' do bidness?" GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 02 Aug 11 - 10:15 PM "Public defender." The young woman in the professional suit said. "And I don't like drug smugglers. I'm only taking this job because I lost my job at the FAA." "Don't sweat it sweets." Said Tillington, "The drugs were bogus and so was the charge. If you lawyer half as sharply as you dress you'll have me outta here in no time." His charm was working. Her nerves were settling. Maybe she would get through this after all. He looked her up and down and said "I'll bet you a smoke I can tell you were you got them shoes." "You're on! buster." "On yer feet toots. on yer feet." This seemed like the beginning of an adequate working relationship. She took out a smoke and lit it then tossed it over the glass. The lit end barely grazed the ceiling. It then tumbled down end over end until the filter end was balanced perfectly on his ample, waiting, lower lip. "You got style honey!" "You too Jake. You too." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 03 Aug 11 - 02:50 AM Gosh....gotta go to 'scene #4'....'tis a lotta' work.....but somebody's gotta do it!... wink! GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 03 Aug 11 - 08:27 AM "Holy batshit! Batman! That's a lot of punctuation." "It.. is...Robin..." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 03 Aug 11 - 10:56 AM So she got him off. Legally. My word you readers have dirty minds! Rick Perry met Jake in the hot, dusty Texas sunlight outside that hot dusty Texas holding facility. "We don't like your kind here in Texas."We don't have enough on you to execute you so we're kicking you out. Here is a bus ticket to... " Perry retches a bit on each syllable but he finally gets the words out. Boston, Massachusetts. Now get on up there with them Brady lovin' Yankees where you belong. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Donuel Date: 03 Aug 11 - 05:27 PM Meanwhile Tropical Storm Don swept into craklin dry Texas scrubland and wrung esactly one drop of rain right down into Rick Perry's eye. The megatron showed the drop like a tear of real emotion as he stood on the podium. The crowd of 204 recovering alcoholics all began to tear up and started chanting Rick Perry's name, in between beers. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 03 Aug 11 - 05:34 PM "We have prayed for rain and we have received it. Our prayers were answered in equal measure to our prayers for intelligent guidance for the Republican Party!" The crowd, potential Republican Congressional leaders every one, takes a wide stance and starts to chant, "more Dick! more Dick! more Dick!" Meanwhile Jake's bus has left Texas and is traveling up I30 toward Hope, Arkansas. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: autolycus Date: 03 Aug 11 - 07:04 PM [So anyway....] .....overcrowded intersection, shouldering aside for a moment the lesser vehicles around them as a giant pachyderm shoulders aside a herd of wildebeest before it is lost in the approaching denoument of darkness and of night. Jake was desperate for a change in the weather. Whether the visible vehicles were bothered by the inundation seemed the most moot ofpoints one might imagine. It seemed to Jake that he was caught among a variety of parallel universi that were going to take a lot of sorting out, what with THE FLOOD lapping round halw-way up the condiment wear he lived, and what-not. The approachingness that seemed so very very very characteristic of the dawn/sunrise/sunup * (*dleete is inapplicable - sorry, as inapplicable) was sacting a fresh light, well any light, really, on this horrendous neigh frightening situation amidst which Jake [you remember Jake] found himself entrenched. "Of course," he vouchsafed. "Under this inundation there'll be a trench, like what they've got under the pacific somewhere." He retreated into his flat apartment in search of his trench coat which was verily to be retrieved for this inclement disaster. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Little Hawk Date: 03 Aug 11 - 07:11 PM "Keep them dogies rollin'...Rawhide!!! Don't try to understand 'em, just feed 'em, rope, and brand 'em....Rawhide!!!!!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 03 Aug 11 - 07:41 PM Gentleman George, Evidently the only person ever to successfully breed a mare and a giraffe, any to ride it through the Mudcat, gazing downward, ever downward. For when he trades insults he uses winky face ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Little Hawk Date: 03 Aug 11 - 07:43 PM That's right. ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: autolycus Date: 04 Aug 11 - 02:17 AM {And there was me trying to get the novel back on track. Ck!] |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Jack the Sailor Date: 04 Aug 11 - 02:11 PM "Reality is tenuous." thought Jake. "Few things have been firmly established, except that I flit around the continent with an ease of teleportation that would make Scotty blush and that flood waters reached my penthouse flat apartment, leaving the city's infrastructure intact." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Let's write a truly bad piece of fiction From: Amos Date: 04 Aug 11 - 03:00 PM RICHARD (eyes glazed with lustful thoughts) Are you kidding? I'd go for her even if she had a bag over her head! MICHAEL You are such an unmitigated crap-moinger, I'm surprised your mother didn't throw you back in the cesspool. RICHARD YEah, fuck you too, man. You just don't understand passion. It's part of life you will never get in touch with. MICHAEL YEah, well, so is dysentery, but I ain't out begging for it like you are. RICHARD You effing dweeb. I bet your mother wears second-hand Goodwill panties. MICHAEL Great. I'm calling Heather. Two bucks says I get a date tonight with her. Richard rolls his eyes, shakes his head, sighs. RICHARD Yeah, right. I'll look for a noose on the door if you get lucky. |
