BS: Things ya just don't do...

Subject: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 03:47 PM

... like putting yer watch on yer wrist while having a pee. Well, that may apply just to males, near as I know.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 03:58 PM

Washing hair with hearing aid on.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:18 PM

Roller skating in a buffalo herd?????

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:22 PM

Buffalos SINS? Love that song!

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:35 PM

I don't sing and I don't dance. The world should be grateful.

(that was a deliberate misunderstanding)

Never make love with a Boxer dog in the room - that's my advice.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: bobad
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:46 PM

I wouldn't make love with a boxer dog anywhere, but that's just me.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:48 PM

Actually, it's ill advised for men to attempt to do anything while having a pee, unless one is nude and peeing in the woods. Then, there's no toilet bowl to aim at and no clothes to get pee on so it's kinda hard to screw it up.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: bobad
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:51 PM

Funny pee video since we're on the subject.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:53 PM

Nude in the woods, not a good idea if there are mosquitoes about...

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: DrugCrazed
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:56 PM

Voice of experience there Eliza?

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,Jon
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:56 PM

Put the coffee jar in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:58 PM

Oh... minds me... no matter how much ya shake and dance, the last few drops go down yer pants.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:58 PM

I wouldn't make love with a boxer dog anywhere, but that's just me.

So imagine a circumstance where you were given no choice. It was quite a while before I appreciated the funny side of it.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:01 PM

Nude in the woods... ya know... I spent a LOT of time in the fly infested bog country of Kent County, New Brunswick and I never ever got a fly bite on my dick. Professional courtesy from the little pricks?

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: DrugCrazed
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:02 PM

"Sorry sir, but if you don't make love with this boxer dog soon, the nuclear warheads will go off."
"Why don't you do it?"
"QUICK! There's no time!"

If that doesn't give you performance anxiety, nothing will.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:05 PM

You too, Drug Crazed?

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:06 PM

gnu, I believe biting insects are more attracted to some people than others. I absolutely hate having to wee in the countryside, I always get bitten on my bum when crouching down!

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:07 PM

Ok so I took a meatloaf out of the oven one day. Put the oven mitt on my hand and opened the oven door with it ... Then reached in with my bare hand to take out the hot pan ... LOL

Ya just don't do that one either ... ouch

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: DrugCrazed
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:13 PM

How'd you know Smokey?

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:15 PM

Tell the girl behind the counter "congrats when is the baby due"
and she answers "I am not pregnant"

no place to hide

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:25 PM

How'd you know Smokey?

Not sure what you're asking, DC..

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: kendall
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 08:26 PM

Step on Superman's cape or tell the truth when your wife asks you if

you think she's fat.

I dated a woman for a while and one night she said, "I don't know what you see in me; I'm old and fat."
All I said was "You're not old" Never saw he again.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 08:51 PM

Kendall.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Ed T
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 09:34 PM

When he brings home the bacon,
and frys it, naked, in a pan.
He's reminded that he's a big man.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,999
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 09:53 PM

"Things ya just don't do..."

Ya really don't do this. From 'the man'.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 09:53 PM

Sneak up behind a grizzly bear, goose him or grab his balls (with a grip of iron), and yell "Surprise!" or "Gotcha!"

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 10:47 PM

Juggle tripe.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 11:40 PM

1. Look down the barrel to see if it's loaded.
2. Pull the blade through your hand to see if it's sharp.
3. Assume she's over 18.
4. Assume that because she's over 18 her daddy won't use that shotgun.
5. Tune someone else's guitar, banjo, or whatever without being asked.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 09:15 AM

screw the lid on a big jar of bright red pickled Asian vegetables by holding onto the lid & letting go of the jar - very messy to clothing & floor

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 09:24 AM

6. Tune someone else's wife, girlfriend, partner, or whatever, without being asked.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Micca
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 09:26 AM

Pick up the phone the 10th time it has rung in about 40 minutes expecting it to be the same dumbass that called the previous 9 times to ask a stupid question and say "F*** off stupid,read the F***ing Manual" to find its your Mother-in-Law (Happened to a colleague)

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: MarkS
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:24 AM

Tug on Supermans cape
Spit into the wind
Pull the mask on the old Long Ranger, and,
Don't mess around with Jim!

(Got some music into it!)

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,999
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:31 AM

That's from the song I linked to in my last post. Great minds . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Midchuck
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:58 AM

I absolutely hate having to wee in the countryside, I always get bitten on my bum when crouching down!

Just by bugs?

P.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: beeliner
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 12:41 PM

Perform "Marching Through Georgia" in Georgia.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 01:54 PM

Send back the steak dinner at a resturant, and call the cook a dumb ass. You will get it back alright


Fart in church while sitting next to a Nun

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:00 PM

Rent the movie Blazing Saddles by Mel Brooks
then walk the lower east side repeating all the lines

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:09 PM

When your wife says she has to go change and you reply
"Change into Cindy Crawford while you are at it"


That's bad also

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:13 PM

When arguing with your wife never say
Looks like someone had an extra bowl of bitch flakes this morning!

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:20 PM

Call Michael Jackson's doctor when your having trouble sleepin

Make children with Mel Gibson

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:25 PM

Tell a police officer when you are pulled over

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:33 PM

Crank up the dehumidifier.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 04:10 PM

Midchuck, LOL!

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 06:22 PM

[This really happened] Get into an argument with your photographer boyfriend in a pub in an unfamiliar part of town over whether The Cottingley Fairies were genuine or not, which becomes increasingly rancorous, with voices rising in volume, until you say at the top of yours, Well I don't think they're fairies.

Then you notice how quiet it is in there.

Then you see that you've wandered into a gay pub.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 06:58 PM

Waltz across Texas.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:59 PM

Here's a practical one. One day I was making bread in the breadmaker. This involves putting water, salt, sugar, butter and flour in a tall, thin, pan that you insert into the box.

One day it occurred to me that if that tall, thin thing tipped over, I would have a colossal mess in my kitchen.

So don't fill one of those without putting it in a large bowl or pan to keep it from tipping over.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Uncle Phil
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 11:35 PM

Walk down stairs wearing spurs.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Smokey.
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 11:47 PM

I once saw, in a folk club, a fire eating morris dancer set fire to his beard. Arthur Brown, eat yer heart out. Just to clarify, he wasn't dancing at the time, but it's the thought that counts.

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Genie
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 01:53 AM

Good ones, Rapparee !
[[1. Look down the barrel to see if it's loaded.
2. Pull the blade through your hand to see if it's sharp.
3. Assume she's over 18.
4. Assume that because she's over 18 her daddy won't use that shotgun.
5. Tune someone else's guitar, banjo, or whatever without being asked.]]


A. Say to a bluegrass banjo player, "This is in the key of E flat."

B. Hold your breath while the banjo players tune.

C. Request "Danny Boy" or "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling" in an Irish pub.

D. Throw in an augmented 9th in a bluegrass jam.

E. Leave a bottle of homemade beer or wine on the back porch on a sunny summer day.

F. Run your thumb down the surface of an iron to see if it's on. (I did that - ONCE - when I was seven.)

Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Genie
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 01:55 AM

Old dude, another thing you NEVER say to an officer who's pulled you over on suspicion of DUI:

"Really, officer, those things you're asking me to do -- I can't even do them when I'm SOBER!"