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BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
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Subject: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 22 Nov 11 - 07:49 PM Well, well, well... First of all, no, the P-Vine isn't pregnant!!! But one of her 3 sons has gotten into a pickle with a combination of some questionable decisions and a bad economy and so at the end of December he and his lady will be moving here in with us "temporarily" around New Years... Anyone else been down this road??? Advice??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bill D Date: 22 Nov 11 - 08:18 PM Nope...can't get mine to move OUT. Advice? Make agreements about obligations and such BEFORE they arrive. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 22 Nov 11 - 08:26 PM Like what, Bill??? Seriously... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Jack the Sailor Date: 22 Nov 11 - 11:04 PM Well you do need someone to climb a tree and get some mistletoe. Is his lady spry? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: JennieG Date: 22 Nov 11 - 11:37 PM Bobert, you may want to make agreements about things like household chores. I'm sure you and Eve aren't going to be waiting on the son and his lady. They need to understand they will have to pull their weight when it comes to pitching in with chores like cleaning, cooking, gardening.....and it goes without saying that they do their own laundry. Cheers JennieG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: katlaughing Date: 23 Nov 11 - 12:36 AM Having been down this road a couple of times, here are a few things I would definitely advise: Make sure that there are common and private areas, clearly defined, for each person or couple, if you have the room. If necessary, write a short agreement about what time it needs to be quiet at night, for instance if they want to watch television late at night and it's loud. If you guys take care of it beforehand with an agreement then it doesn't become an issue. Are they going to be paying any of the cost of living for themselves? That should be mapped out if they are able to contribute. If so, how much, what for, how often? If they are going to trade out by doing work around the place I would definitely put that in writing with very definitive language as to what is expected. It may seem a little harsh, expecting some sort of written agreement between family members, but it can save a lot of heartache in the end. There always needs to be a plan in place for if things don't work out. It reminds me of when a former business partner and I started an ad agency. We had a very simple contract; the most important thing that it included was how we would dissolve the partnership. Same thing works really well with family members. Without knowing more it's hard to say how much you want to do but, in hindsight in my own situation, it would have been better to have sat down with our adult child and come up with a plan for their independence. As it was it worked out okay but it was messy, feelings were hurt, and there is still some resentment at times. The good thing is we're still talking! LOL Hope that helps. If you want to e-mail for more suggestions or PM me feel free. Take care, kat |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Ebbie Date: 23 Nov 11 - 03:03 AM Keep in mind that if you and the P-Vine hadn't moved into the area, this wouldn't have come up. :) One suggestion: If space allows, I would give them two rooms. A bedroom and a sitting room. Privacy and 'alone time' or the lack of it can be deal breakers. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Barb'ry Date: 23 Nov 11 - 04:20 AM I don't know how well you know your son's partner, but it's horrible to tread on 'polite tiptoes' because there is a continuous 'guest' in your house. I would urge you to have a 'polite honesty' from the start and let everyone know that if anyone of you finds something annoying, irritating etc, they speak up! I echo the bit about chores - again, don't let yourself/wife or son/lady be too polite. Money - they have to pay something to keep up their own respect and remain adults sharing a house, rather than just 'moving into mum' and dad's house, if you see what I mean. Anyway, enjoy and laugh a lot! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bill D Date: 23 Nov 11 - 07:20 AM People are making the basic suggestions *I* would... but it all comes down to personalities anyway. And since this is Eve's side of the family, it may come down to her ability to deal with her son...etc. You sure don't want to have a fight with your wife over her family. It may all be fine...but be careful. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 23 Nov 11 - 08:51 AM Separate fridges? Seriously, in the days when I lived in shared accomodation,the contents of the fridge, and the owners thereof, was a constant cause of friction Until you've been woken up at 6 AM by some bereft trucker screaming "WHAT BASTARD STOLE MY EFFING MARMITE?" which he required for his morning toast. You ain't lived. Definitely need some agreement on financial contributions. Everybody uses electricity, so everybody should pay for it. etc etc. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Patsy Date: 23 Nov 11 - 08:56 AM Discuss with your wife some ground rules that need to be set in place in advance before you discuss them with her son and his lady so that you are both singing from the same hymn sheet as it were. I am as guilty as many mums reverting back to being 'mommy' again especially where sons are concerned. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 23 Nov 11 - 09:18 AM All good suggestions... The son is a "chef" and will more than likely end up working weird hours... His lady is much, much younger than him and is a waitress... Being a chef he has already said he would take over some of the cooking... He has also said that he will pay toward the utilities... Food, I am assuming (bad to assume), is something that I hope they understand is an area where they need to contribute their fair share... Yes, I like the ideas of having a little business meeting maybe the day after they arrive and have the move behind them... Good ideas & as per usual, thanks... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: fretless Date: 23 Nov 11 - 09:36 AM Doesn't look like anyone above has used the term boomerang, but that's the vocabulary. Get used to it. Suggestions above are all good. Written formalities help to avoid confusions and confrontations. Biggest challenge in these situaitons is getting past the historical roles of parent/child and shifting to four adults all sharing a property, with only occasional reversions, as appropraite, into parent-child modes. The good news is that when this works it is a wonderful opportunity for building an adult-to-adult relationship with your child and his partner. And remember, too, that this will create potential issues with the other two sons and their families, who are not part of the new domestic intimacy. Good luck! And enjoy your son's cooking. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bettynh Date: 23 Nov 11 - 11:55 AM Be aware, too, that professional cooks don't do dishes or scrub pots at the restaurant. That's someone else's job. The attitude can carry over at home (been there, got stuck doing LOTS of dishes.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Midchuck Date: 23 Nov 11 - 12:06 PM Be aware, too, that professional cooks don't do dishes or scrub pots at the restaurant. That's someone else's job. The attitude can carry over at home (been there, got stuck doing LOTS of dishes.) Now you made me miss my little girl...Snifff! P. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 23 Nov 11 - 01:16 PM Well, I scrub pots as long as the food is tasty... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Jack the Sailor Date: 23 Nov 11 - 03:29 PM Well, I scrub pots as long as the food is tasty. Y'all will be fine! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 23 Nov 11 - 04:15 PM Well Bobert, sometimes you don't ask the easy questions, do you, lol. There's already a lot of good advice here, but here's my 2 cents anyhow. Of course you can only take whatever suggestions fit the personalities, situation and relationships. Good decisions about complex issues made among 4 adults with history (baggage?) rarely happen effortlessly. Good luck! Someone mentioned P-vine's "...side of the family..." -- is this your step-kid? If so, on top of the boomerang issues are those of step-family--who is the boss of whom (adult kids can be quite young in their outlook in a blended family), mixed loyalties etc. Regardless of that aspect, the first agreement I hope you'll make is between "you-two" rather than tacitly presuming anything. So, once you-two are talking, aim to agree on what are the must-haves and like-to-haves in terms of privacy, money, chores, parking. Talk about how you will deal with the sunset (no, not the end of day sky, the end of live-in arrangement) or more to the point, lack of sunset on this live-in arrangement. What happens if their move-out plans are delayed or fail entirely (can't get any affordable apt. when the time comes, lose current job) etc. You-two want to agree on time limits, or realize together that they-two can live with you forever if it comes down to that. Something to ask yourselves if you dare: Say you-two positively want this to sunset by X date, would you-two actually change the locks? Riiiiiiight...unthinkable to some, painful for those who do need to consider it a possible evenutality. Unless you've all lived together very recently and problem-free, please don't wait till the morning after to plan the details of the arrangement or avoid any agreement at all. Perhaps do lunch someplace neutral, soon, (PB&J sandwiches at the mall is dandy if that's the budget) and get the discussion started. They-two will be making a big adjustment, too, to their privacy & pride at the least, so time to mentally & emotionally adjust to your terms is a gracious and loving thing to give them. In a way there is a parallel to grieving while someone is alive vs losing them unexpectedly--some of the mental preparations can be started before having to live the change. Before the 1st chat, you-two probably want to decide if you'll have a tough opening position (like starting off treating everything on both lists as must-have) or at least realize if you'll likely have a last-minute urge to make everything up to and including your own bed negotiable. Who knows, maybe they-two will want to agree to ALL your terms. But if they do right away, maybe back up a step, get them to go sleep on it first because it means they probably haven't thought things through very well. Do cheap lunch again soon & to talk about whether they truly believe your terms will work for them. If, during discussions, something from either of you-two's list is about to be struck off, it's okay to say "We need to sleep on it". Then you'd re-work your lists and take you-two time to sleep on the revision. Or decide ahead of time which like-to-haves you're happy to sacrifice without further discussion, and at what price. Things can derail when one gives away the livingroom and the heated garage for a beer while the other thinks they're worth a whole brewery. If this is a step child, the biggest risk if you skip or delay agreeing to terms: If you don't talk now and things drive you crazy later, the tension can become unbearable and she can end up feeling she has to choose. Ounce of prevention... Where I got these notions: ...family gossip from when my husbands bro & wife moved into his parents' place. ...I have step-family. ...I moved (with dog, without spouse) into my mother's small home for 3 months one winter to keep her wood stove stoked and help with meals while she recovered from chemo. Not quite the same but some of the issues were. Aim to come out of it with plenty of stories to tell! That thought has helped me keep perpective more than once :-). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Jack the Sailor Date: 23 Nov 11 - 04:52 PM Jest set on yer poarch a-cleanin yer mistletoe gun. They'll get the message. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 23 Nov 11 - 05:05 PM I think a combination of what Crowhugger and JtS have suggested is the correct path... Fortunately, they will be here for a couple days the firs week of December with the actual move at the end of the month... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 23 Nov 11 - 05:24 PM LOL, JtS. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: katlaughing Date: 23 Nov 11 - 06:59 PM CH, excellent advice! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 23 Nov 11 - 07:41 PM Nahhhh... don't say shit. Just play it by ear. Yer all adults. Wait and see how it works out. If you are unsatisfied with anything, THAT'S the time you have a man-to-man with the lad. If that don't work out to YOUR satisfaction, you have a heart-to-heart with the wife and she will kick his ass if required... or yours. And, whether you talk to him or her first is a call YOU gotta make... tough call. Be careful in your choice. Since he's HER lad, you don't say shit until ya gotta. If you take the initiative on this one YER lookin fer trouble. Deal with trouble IF it arises... don't CAUSE trouble iffin ya don't need ta eh? Seriously... tha less ya say, tha better. If things work out perfect, yer golden. If things start ta go south, ya deal with it on a timely basis. Just don't go lookin fer trouble up front... ya might find it when ya didn't hafta find it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 23 Nov 11 - 07:44 PM Well, gn-ze... That's kinda what JtS said... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Jack the Sailor Date: 23 Nov 11 - 10:32 PM Yep, That's what I was saying...... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bill D Date: 24 Nov 11 - 09:41 AM Important suggestion... make 'em bring & use their OWN computer! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Noreen Date: 24 Nov 11 - 04:54 PM Ha ha- interesting difference between the male and female approach... I would definitely say sit down and discuss first in a 'family meeting' but experience has been that males fear that could make things worse- as gnu says- 'looking for trouble'. Nice relaxed chatting about issues before they move in should help everyone, I'd say- they'll have things they won't be sure about, too. Good luck! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 11 Dec 11 - 07:42 PM Well, well, well.... Looks as if the nest fillin' is just 12 days away... Yup, step-son and his new bride (4 days ago) will be here and let the fun begin... What have I done??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: michaelr Date: 11 Dec 11 - 08:51 PM Just say no. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 11 Dec 11 - 09:05 PM Too late... Plus, even if I could, I wouldn't... It's the right thing to do... At least for now, that is... Check back in 4 months... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 12 Dec 11 - 03:18 AM Welcome to Sidewalk Bob's Honeymoon Hotel. Just kiiddin' Bobert. Hope it works out OK. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Arthur_itus Date: 12 Dec 11 - 04:26 AM Mobody seems to have mentioned about shagging. If they are newly married, do you want to hear them banging away all night, Do you want them walking around half naked when you are around. You definately need to set ground rules about issues like that IMHO. No good shying away from that subject or you will rue the day. However, you may not be bothered about that issue, in which case ignore my comments. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 12 Dec 11 - 08:02 AM You may want, if it is practical, to have a separate phone line for them and for their separate computer with a different ISP from yours - in case they are bittorrent freakz. And you may also want rules about putting your guitar into non-standard tunings (or out) - a friend arrived here the other day and started to put my DADGAD guitar into standard until I yelled. FFS I've got 18 guitars! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST Date: 12 Dec 11 - 08:57 AM Well, as fir shaggin'??? Shag away... Might of fact I have an official shaggin' wagon (Spartan trailer) and they can walk back to it any time they want... Can get nude back there, and all... (That's part of the shaggin', Boberdz..) I know that!!! Neither play geetar so I ain't worried about DADGAD.... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 21 Dec 11 - 10:18 PM T - 2 days... What the hell have I done??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 21 Dec 11 - 10:31 PM Chin up, friend. It will be all right. Or it won't. Either way you will all learn a lot. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 21 Dec 11 - 10:33 PM Ebbie!!! B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Janie Date: 21 Dec 11 - 11:01 PM What Ebbie said. Happy Christmas, Beaubear. It will all be fine...(or at least, come out in the wash....) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 21 Dec 11 - 11:07 PM The "wash" has me concerned... B;~) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 21 Dec 11 - 11:13 PM «T-2 days...» LOL! and a hug. You'll survive :-). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 22 Dec 11 - 07:05 AM hug from me, too |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 22 Dec 11 - 08:06 AM Yikes!!! They'll be here tomorrow... But wait... There's more... The step-son's daughter wants to be here, too??? Hmmmmmm??? Going to go from empty to bustin' at the seams... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Patsy Date: 22 Dec 11 - 08:14 AM I am sure it is going to be alright. GOOD LUCK!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: jacqui.c Date: 22 Dec 11 - 12:17 PM Good luck darlin'. I'm sure it will be fine. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: olddude Date: 22 Dec 11 - 12:26 PM One word Bob "Moonshine" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 22 Dec 11 - 01:51 PM Olddude just wants to keep everybody happy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 22 Dec 11 - 03:54 PM I haven't yet found any 'shine in these parts... Can't even find no weed... Yeah, I know: "That sucks!!!" Yes it does... So the new d-i-l (daughter in law) fainted 3 days ago down in Florida and fell and hit her head and just go9 out of the hospital yesterday and step-son says that NC law says that you can't drive if you have had a seizure in the last 6 months??? Not that she had a seizure but they don't know but the job she has lined up us 45 minute drive (one way)??? This could get complicated??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 22 Dec 11 - 04:17 PM It's like that in the UK too but the quacks have a bit of discretion. Makes sense - if you blacked out doing (really ossifer I had no idea) you have on US norms nearly 2 tons of metal going like a bullet and no pilot on board... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 22 Dec 11 - 04:32 PM I donno... I mean, the poor ol' gal don't even weigh 110 pounds... Maybe she's anorexic??? We'll find out soon enough... Gol danged... Steppie Son know the gal for couple years, marries here last week... Ain't the warranty on brides 12 months or, ummmmmm??? I mean, the boy couldn't have used up that much "ummmm," in week, could he??? Well, if he did then maybe that why she fainted??? Like I say, "I donno???" B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 22 Dec 11 - 07:39 PM if you can't find any moonshine, you might need a glass of something legal! won't be the same, but ... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: JennieG Date: 22 Dec 11 - 07:42 PM Bobert, that which doesn't kill you can make you stronger.....we're all here for you, you know. Cheers JennieG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 22 Dec 11 - 08:01 PM "legal", Sandra??? What's that word mean??? lol... But what if it does kill me, Jen??? lol... B;~) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: JennieG Date: 23 Dec 11 - 12:08 AM Bobz, we'll still be here to pick up the pieces! Cheers JennieG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 23 Dec 11 - 09:47 AM Well, the kids got a late start... They live in a building with a freight elevator which was supposed to be available to them but someone messed up and had to move all their stuff in the people elevator... Set them back 6 hours... Like I said... It's going to be interesting... Think I'll just get drunk... lol... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: olddude Date: 23 Dec 11 - 09:57 AM Hey Bobster here is a line from a song I am working on "I got no worries, I got no cares, I got no troubled mind the blues don't mean a thing to me I stay stoned out, all the time" good advice? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 23 Dec 11 - 10:09 AM Send me some weed, ol'ster... I'm out... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,olddude Date: 23 Dec 11 - 12:03 PM its in the mail ... my brother |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 23 Dec 11 - 05:24 PM I'll camp out next to the mailbox... Okay, just got a call from the U-Haulers and they are now about 60 miles away... Let the fun begin... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 25 Dec 11 - 07:05 PM U-Haul, box full of cat and all showed... The last two days have been complete chaos... Right now, their stuff is everywhere, they are still out moving boxes into the attic room over the garage, the grand-youngin's are here, the daughter-in-law has to start her new job tomorrow morning and I'm hiding in my man-cave/office... The silver lining is that the daughter-in-law has pudder skills so we're going to get some help there... Now, lemme see if I can get to my beer box without getting drafted to move some else heavy... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 25 Dec 11 - 09:01 PM a very good silver lining! god luck in retrieving that beer & Merry Christmas to you & P-Vine & her family sandra |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 25 Dec 11 - 09:02 PM god luck? you can have some of that as well as the usual good luck sandra (checking post before posting) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 25 Dec 11 - 09:43 PM Certainly can use some "God luck", too... Thanks for it, Sandra... Gonna need it... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 25 Dec 11 - 10:01 PM cat??? WTF??? cat? Oh, relatives of any kind that need help, fine... but a cat? Seriously... did they bring a cat? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 25 Dec 11 - 10:11 PM Yeah, gn-ze, they brought a cat... We have a pantry room in the garage and 2 or our 3 cats live in or around the garage so looks as if the cat is going to be a garager... We have one indoor cat who is the boss... He is Boss #1... The P-Vibe is Boss # 2 and I have been hanging at Boss #3... At least I ain't on the bottom... Interesting... Our two garage cats are both black and this new cat is as well... House cat is tan/orange... This ain't no social commentary here... Just kitty facts... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 26 Dec 11 - 01:24 AM did you know they were bringing their cat? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 26 Dec 11 - 05:24 AM Unexpected pussy huh! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 26 Dec 11 - 08:31 AM Yeah, sandra, we did know about the cat so it wasn't "unexpected pussy"... Seems like a nice cat, though... Very friendly and young enough so it still has a little kitten in it... We're definitely going to have to set some rules for the grand-kids when they are here... They think the P-Vine is a short order cook... Looks like they will be here every other weekend... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 26 Dec 11 - 08:37 AM One meal for everybody. If there's things on the plate ya don't like, don't eat them. BUT Ya eat the same food as everybody else, no eggs for him, hamburger for me, (and a straight jacket for the P Vine). And you eat when everybody else does, preferably at the table too! That's the rules in our house. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 26 Dec 11 - 10:07 AM Yup, that is the goal... Will take some work as step-son hasn't been in their lives too much for the last year... He is a chef and can pitch in but the long term solution is order and eat what and when food is prepared... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,.gargoyle Date: 26 Dec 11 - 06:33 PM You reap what you sowed. You failed "Parenting 101" much too long ago. First - you should have led the children to master a "universal trade." A. Plumbing B. Welding C. Prostitution D. Carpentry E. Masonry F. Brick Laying (see C above) G. Roofing (especially artistry thatched) H. Gardening (lawn mowing - my "first hire was at age ten') I. Handshaking with smiles (90 percent of all jobs are clenched in the first ten secounds. J. Glazing K. Tile L. Dirt, shovel and wheel-barrow
Sincerely, Best Wishes for the New Year. Keep the doors locked, the knives hidden, and the gun loaded. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 26 Dec 11 - 07:39 PM Hey, it's my step-son, garg... I didn't even know him until he was 25 years old... Now as for my own son??? Yeah... Yer right on the money... But the kid is one fine rapper... That is, if ya' like rap... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 26 Dec 11 - 08:44 PM Rapper? Hmmmm... interesting. Care to share? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 26 Dec 11 - 09:08 PM Well, wish he had some stuff out there for you to hear but he doesn't.... Good stuff... I guess... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: DrugCrazed Date: 27 Dec 11 - 08:18 AM Hope life is still going well. I'm finding life weird back at the parents over the Holiday Season. I...don't have to cook? There's a...dishwasher? It's terrifying beyond belief, especially as my eating pattern is now completely different. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 27 Dec 11 - 09:36 AM Food is a problem... Step-son is a chef and used to having anything and everything at his disposal... It's not like that here... His daughters, age 9 and 5, think this is a restaurant and order up stuff then don't finish it before ordering up something else... We will most definitely have to correct this... We're the adults, not them... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 27 Dec 11 - 02:16 PM Hey Bobert, that mealtime behaviour you described is known around here as 'bullshit.' ;-) A less accommodating approach will benefit the chef's skills as well as your stress levels--anyone can make decent food from a bottomless pantry and fridge but it takes a real knack to make something gorgeous and delicious from whatever's on hand on a winter day-before-grocery-day. Kids tend to view food (and cooks) quite differently when they help grow and prepare the food, to an age-appropriate extent of course. Even in winter they can grow alfalfa or lentil sprouts, or even radishes or lettuce in a pot (probably with a light). Maybe the kids' names ought to be included on the rotating meal-prep schedule--at their age they should be able to heat canned soup and make grilled cheese sandwiches and a salad (even including homemade dressing) no problem, just some help from Grams 'n' Gramps of course with knife, stove, and order of operations. There's no reason most 9-year-olds couldn't peel potatoes or carrots, chop stuff, (yes, with proper teaching & supervision), juice & zest a lemon, make labels for things going in the freezer, season flour and dredge meat in it (make sure they don't lick fingers before washing), and clean up afterwards. Most 5-year-olds can learn to wash veggies & fruits, add stuff, measure stuff, learn to stir without spilling, mix and shape meat loaf/meatballs/cookies, cut out biscuits (the 9-er can learn to roll them out too) ... Well you get the idea. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 27 Dec 11 - 02:55 PM Yup, Crowhugger... We are on the same page here... We have always grown out food and still have a pantry full of canned stuff that we grew, plus vacuum bags of blanched veggies in the freezer... We're working on a garden space for next summer and these kids hopefully will get a lesson on where food really comes from... Seein' as the step-son and bride have just returned to the area and getting reacquainted with step-son's kids we have given everyone a little room for the last several days but... ...the grandies are off to stay with their mom so while thay are gone we'll have a little talk about how all this catering is not only stressful but not good for the kids... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 27 Dec 11 - 03:07 PM By the time I was 13, supper was my responsibilty. Supper had to be on the table when my parents got gome from work. Mum started teaching me to cook (and bake fancy eats) when I was 5. My ex and ex in-laws used to bug me... a half dozen kids and one would say "I don't want that." and order something different. They'd start cooking it. Then it would be a competition. Unreal. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 27 Dec 11 - 07:41 PM These yoounginz ain't cookin' up much but a new list of demands... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 27 Dec 11 - 08:32 PM Heh-heh, take thorough notes on those demands, Bobz. Then bright and early tomorrow morning you and P-Vine go wake them up and ever so gently and sweetly, start listing whatever you want them to make for YOUR brekkies*. Give them the choice of having you help or having you stay out of the way while they do it. When they refuse, take additional detailed notes on their reasons--it's good to be thorough in making sure their words come back to haunt them. [great big evil grin] (*But make it something you can teach them to make, just in case they throw a curve ball and say YES.) Don't move from their room/area. They'll probably go do something, pee or get mom & dad or who knows. When they come back tell them you're still waiting for them to make you breakfast. Fast-forward to lunch time: As soon as you (and/or P-V.) eat a couple of bites of whatever is going, stop eating, look directly at the kids and sweetly say that what you really need is for them to make you PB&J. As soon as the jam is on the bread, change your mind--to PB&honey. For times when they beat you to the punch (after all they're more experienced at making mealtime demands), have handy those notes about their reasons not to meet your demands for food. Use it against them but keep your glee in check. This is a moment for the dramatic actor in you to shine. Well, don't look at me like that ... geez, it's well known that a fantasy life is therapeutic, downright healthy! (Ahem, Spaw, don't...) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 27 Dec 11 - 08:39 PM An absolute diamond, Crowhugger!!! And not in the rough either!!! Love yer thinking... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 28 Dec 11 - 02:48 PM I mind one time up in the backwoods, my buddy's lad, about 12 stated he was hungry at about 9AM. He didn't eat much for breakfast at 5AM even after I told him it would be a long day in the woods. I opened a tin of salmon and he refused it. Smelled GROSS! I said, "In the backwoods, we travel light." and I ate it. He asked if I had anything else. I said, "Nope. Just salmon and crackers and water. I told you we wouldn't be back to the camp until an hour after dark. I brought tins of salmon, crackers and water. What did you bring to eat?" To this day, that lad LOVES tinned salmon and crackers up in the backwoods. Two tins and some crackers and ya can walk 40km a day in the backwoods. And he ate a big breakfast the next morning... >;-) A course, he brought junk food too. But, at least he learnt his lesson. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: katlaughing Date: 28 Dec 11 - 03:10 PM gnu, That brings to mind a positive teaching moment: Bobert, give the kids small backpacks or any kind of small bag, set up an array of foods for them to choose from and have them put them in their bags. Tell them, other than set mealtimes, those are the things they are allowed to eat when and if they feel hungry. It could be a mixture of good snack things and what they might consider fun foods. That way it's up to them what and when they eat with the understanding that they will have set mealtimes with parents grandparents what have you. Me, I'm more concerned for the poor kitty cat. Cats hate change, as you know, especially if it's from being an indoor cat to a garage cat. Hope it's working out well. kat |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 28 Dec 11 - 05:52 PM Good advice, both Kat and gn-ze... Yeah, no one has to work tomorrow so we are going to make that "kitty day" and try to get their poor kitty integrated at least with the other two garage cats... I think it's gonna work out... As for being a house cat??? I don't think it's gonna work since we have Mr. Full-of-Himself as the lone house cat... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 28 Dec 11 - 09:10 PM only 1 Top Cat ... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 28 Dec 11 - 09:25 PM And that is a good thing or I'd get another demotion... Right now, I'm more #3 on a good day... Bring another cocky in-door cat and I go to #4... B;~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 07 Jan 12 - 11:33 PM Just wondered how it's going, Bobert... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 08 Jan 12 - 12:57 AM enquiring minds want to know! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 08 Jan 12 - 10:15 AM How do you spell "slobber knocker"??? I don't know about these kids and the grand kids... They seem to have a reality disconnect... No planning... Every minute of every day is chaos... I mean, these kids need some serious parenting but the P-Vine's son is like 42 years old... He talks of quitting work (he's a chef), "doing" stain glass, having another baby with his new wife (age 20), living in ab old van and selling stained glass at various shows and festivals??? Meanwhile he has two daughters that he can't afford to make child support payments for who come over and wreck out house every weekend??? Meanwhile, the new wife has taken a $9 an hour job in a coffee shop that is an hour's drive away and can't drive right now because she possibly had a seizure so someone has to drive (2 hour round trip) twice a day (gasoline @ $3.29 a gallon) to get her to and from her $9 an hour job (6 hour shift)??? Not to mention that the house we bought had water damage in the flooring in our bedroom so I am working on replacing the entire floor, joists and all so the P-Vine and I are having to sleep in the pull out bed in the middle of the great room??? If anyone has a spare bag of weed, please send it along to me... I need it more than you... B:~( B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 08 Jan 12 - 10:21 AM Could we all club together and buy him this van, then maybe he'll move on? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: maeve Date: 08 Jan 12 - 10:28 AM "They seem to have a reality disconnect..." Thus spake ye truth. Sometimes helping becomes enabling. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 08 Jan 12 - 03:42 PM ...and... ...they showed up with a cat that has now been diagnosed with mange??? Send weed!!! Yeah, maeve... The P-Vine and I are trying not to be enablers... In making the offer in the first place we knew that there was going to be a certain level of the stuff... It's kinda a tightrope... Hopefully, the son will get hired and the two of them will move along as planned... It was offered as a three of four month proposition... The son is going to be interviewing at the Ritz Carlton where has has worked for the last several years in other locations... But, hey, he is helping me with the bedroom floor... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Maryrrf Date: 08 Jan 12 - 03:57 PM We will be keeping our fingers crossed that he gets the job at the Ritz Carlton... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 08 Jan 12 - 04:25 PM "a $9 an hour job in a coffee shop that is an hour's drive away and can't drive right now because she possibly had a seizure so someone has to drive (2 hour round trip) twice a day (gasoline @ $3.29 a gallon) to get her to and from her $9 an hour job (6 hour shift" Ahhh... ya need to sit down, do the arithmetic on paper, show it to her... it ain't just the gas... wear and tear and tires and... unless she is doin the work to get unemployment stamps? I had to do something similar years ago to get money to eat and *I* had a master of science in engineering - there just were not any jobs here, period. I coulda taken lots of jobs elsewhere in Canada or all over the world but my old man was dying and that's what mattered - staying home. I hope it works out. Patience, Bobert, might be your best friend. As for the chef doing the stained glass thing out of a van... well, best I don't comment. Nor you. Let the P-Vine take care of that. Hahahahaa... IMAGINE! ME... ME... giving advice. I am surprised anyone read this post this far. IF ya did, that is. >;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 08 Jan 12 - 04:52 PM Whoa, it definitely sucks to be you, Bobert! My consolations to you. I'm so sorry but there's no weed here to send your way. Unless you want the crabgrass that's still growing in the patio crevices thanks to the too-warm winter. I think I even saw a couple of tickseeds sprouting, but again not really what anybody would wanna smoke. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 08 Jan 12 - 05:21 PM Well, I've done the math and this is the way I figure it... Once she gets cleared to drive, which could be as soon as tomorrow, then the math works... Kinda... Meanwhile, the son and I go at the flooring job again in the morning, the cat is being treated and I got beer... No weed, tho... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 08 Jan 12 - 06:31 PM No weed? Yeah, right. I am drinkin V8 while watching football. Really, I am. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 08 Jan 12 - 07:12 PM V-8 Beer, gn-ze??? Hey, don't laugh... It's good... The football game ain't bad either... Go Broncos... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 08 Jan 12 - 07:14 PM Meanwhile, the son and I go at the flooring job again in the morning, the cat is being treated and I got beer... - a faint light at the end of the tunnel (it is NOT a train!!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 08 Jan 12 - 07:19 PM Yeah, it's the beer truck... lol... B;~) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 08 Jan 12 - 08:40 PM Broncos went big time! But, they are out next weekend. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 17 Jan 12 - 07:53 PM Well, 3 weeks into this experiment and I'd give it a solid "C"... Some things good and others not so... The good is that when step son cooks, which ain't often, things are real nice... But I guess it's like auto mechanics that won't fix their own cars which is what "which ain't often" is about... Yeah, seems there is a little enabling going on... Not a ton but maybe more than we were hoping for... We'll see... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 17 Jan 12 - 09:01 PM Fact is, ya can only speak at the wife if yer not pleased. It's her call unless you decide it's yer call. Not an easy call. And you still gotta get her okay if ya wanna speak up. Bite yer tongue and bide yer time until it's really necessary to speak up fer yerself. And, ya still need her okay at that point. Of course, I ain't tellin ya anything you don't already know. Just trying ta say I understand yer in a hard place. Good luck and I hope ya don't gotta say shit in the end. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 17 Jan 12 - 09:06 PM Well, gn-ze... I'm playing good cop and letting the P-VIne be the bad one... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 18 Jan 12 - 03:13 PM A very good plan, if your blood pressure is happy with it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 19 Jan 12 - 12:52 PM ReFish |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 31 Jan 12 - 05:41 PM Well, well, well... Ol' hillbilly gonna get some serious points with St Peter for this little experiment... The d-i-l is lazy and passive aggressive and acts like a princess... The step son, however, in spite of the fact that he deep down inside is a Rush Limbaugh fanatic, has been very helpful... He knows not to talk politics with me... That is good... He knows construction... That is good... He knows how to chef... That is good... The problem I am seein' is that what I thought might be a couple two or three months might be a bit longer... Like, forever??? That is not good... Seems that the son and the P-Vine think thtere is something I can say to the 20 years old d-i-l that will make her less lazy and less passive aggressive... Well, I don't think so... Just an update... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 31 Jan 12 - 06:15 PM What does "passive aggressive" mean? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 31 Jan 12 - 06:26 PM Manipulative bitch comes to mind. A more detailed explanation could be googled. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: DrugCrazed Date: 31 Jan 12 - 06:45 PM I have to say, I didn't like being at "home home" foodwise. Granted it was better than what I'd get here but when I'm living in Sheffield I can decide when I want to eat and it's usually 3 hours before my parents ate (due to Dad working late shifts). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 31 Jan 12 - 08:13 PM http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive%E2%80%93aggressive_behavior I am none the wiser - but then I really really don't do psychobabble. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 31 Jan 12 - 10:36 PM So there are folks who ride in the passing lane 5 mph under the speed limit: passive aggressive... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 01 Feb 12 - 04:05 AM Oh, is that what it means? Everyone does that because speedometers over-read by up to 10%. Check by using your sat-nav. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 01 Feb 12 - 05:32 AM Your satnav doesn't know when you're going uphill, and the terrain affects the signals from space. So it is not 100% accurate either, albeit it is usually moreso than the speedo in your car. Car speedos are nearly always calibrated to show a slightly faster speed than true. Of course if you muck about with wheel and tyre sizes on your car, then you speedo doesn't know this, and is usually even more inaccurate. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 01 Feb 12 - 06:19 AM why would husband & m-i-l think step f-i-l is the best person to talk to wife? Are you a persuasive person, Bobert? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 01 Feb 12 - 08:44 AM Well, first of all lets get back to the guy doing 5 mph under the speed limit in the passing lane... In reality, most people drive between 5 and 10 mph over the posted speed limit and Mr. Passive Aggressive knows this so ha all but parks himself in the passing lane forcing everyone to have to pass him in the wrong lane... This, BTW, creates problems behinds him as drivers have to move to the incorrect lane to get around him... I'm sure that Mr. Passive Aggressive get a little adrenalin rush each time he looks in the rear view mirror at someone trying to get into the wrong lane to get around him... That is passive aggression... For passive aggressive folks who *say* don't get it I could give hundreds of other examples but the one that everyone understands is the person who is late 100% of the time... Always has excuses but out a 100 times this person will be late 100 times and have 100 excuses... The End of passive aggression, for now... I donno, Sandra??? I was a social worker for the first half of my working (for money) life... My clients, for the most part, were assigned/dumped on me by the state mental hospital and my case load stayed right around 65... That's a lot of clients/wackos (sorry, insider's joke) to keep on meds, in outpatient group counseling, out of jail, housed and fed... It took a little bit of "persuasion" to pull this off so, yeah, I do seem to have some acquired skill sets that make it possible for people to listen/trust me... If d-i-l were a client and not living here under our roof, it would be a lot easier... Seems that she has all but perfected the "princess" role with the step-son and though he knows it he is not willing to quit enabling her... So, it's is an "official slobber knocker"... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 01 Feb 12 - 09:00 AM good luck! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 01 Feb 12 - 10:13 AM Don't women always do that? The "princess" role, I mean? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 01 Feb 12 - 10:36 AM Not the P-Vine, thank goodness... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Noreen Date: 01 Feb 12 - 11:41 AM Richard, you have limited knowledge of women if you believe that. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 01 Feb 12 - 12:17 PM Before talking to the darling princess, I hope you'll get yourself and P-vine on the same page--clearly and overtly, not by assumption, and make an open acknowledgement of the possible fallout of addressing the d-i-l. Then whatever you do probably won't be the beginning of the end of your marriage. Sure sounds like a rock and a hard place to me. I consider myself very lucky that my husband and I are on the same page with regard to family issues. It really helps simply to acknowledge from time to time, with laughter, that there is one helluva gap between their expectations and ours. Emphasis on "ours", not his or mine. We first establish common ground when choosing how to deal stressors from either family. Even when we didn't have common ground (one of us really wants to avoid stress-inducing persons, the other feels strongly obliged to visit ) we have been able to find approaches that both of us can live with. Sometimes just a gesture--making the spouse a nice cup of tea and saying "please, it would really mean a lot to me" does the trick. Sometimes the magic lies in making a plan for how to get through something potentially unpleasant. The simple act of making that plan tells each of us that the other understands and respects the difficulty we face and cares enough to work out a way to survive it. I really do feel for you, Bobert. My husband's and my families' norms are as far apart as any. I can't imagine the stress if any of them had to move in with us or we with them. But step one would still be for the two of us to talk and get on the same page, whatever it may take to create that page. ;-) On the bright side, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 01 Feb 12 - 12:56 PM Be afraid Richard, be very afraid. Noreen's on your case mate! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bill D Date: 01 Feb 12 - 01:15 PM I KNEW you shoulda found a way to keep the old double-decker bus! Woulda made a fine 'guest house' for 'special' guests. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 01 Feb 12 - 05:47 PM Danged, Bill... I wished you hadn't brought that up... Ya' see, I know that the guy who bought me house isn't using it and would let me have it if I wanted it for free... Bad enough to be springing the sculpture on the ol' gal but the bus??? Whew... Kinda past my pay grade and courage... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 01 Feb 12 - 05:49 PM Or possibly extra perception |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 24 Feb 12 - 11:31 AM Well, well, well... Here we are approaching the 2 month mark and step-son hasn't quite figured out that he's got to get a job... Well, not excatly... He wants a job... He wants to start at the top... Okay??? D-I-L is still fascinated by work... She can watch others do it all day... The mange is gone from the cat but the cat is mentally challenged... I don't place any blame there... I donno??? Could be a DNA thing... Oh yeah, grand-daughter has step-son's number and is angling to move in with us, too... No way!!! Ain't gonna happen!!! Fun, right??? (It was your idea, Boberdz...) Really??? B~( |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 24 Feb 12 - 11:59 AM Write the book, Bobert, write the book! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 24 Feb 12 - 12:37 PM I've been tempted, Eb, but fearful that if it were published someone would find a way to have me legally committed... Maybe I'll write and and stick it in a safety deposit box to be published after I'm gone... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 25 Feb 12 - 02:51 AM sending more good luck wishes |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 25 Feb 12 - 06:46 AM Thanks, sandra... The good thoughts help but sending someone by to give them both a good kick in the rear is what we really need here... B;~) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: maeve Date: 25 Feb 12 - 07:47 AM A good kick or a real deadline or both timed carefully...gets a mite testy, doesn't it, Bobert? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 25 Feb 12 - 07:54 AM Well, yeah, maeve... I mean, seems that every time the P-Vine and I are out in the car all we talk about is just what bad decision makin' these kids are about... The step-son already has a bankruptcy and they think that if the D-I-L gets a $200 paycheck that that $$$ is all discretionary income??? Square peg and round hole thinkin' to us??? Yeah, I rckon we'll be looking at some time lines here over the next month... B;~( |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: JennieG Date: 25 Feb 12 - 03:46 PM Geez, Bobert.....you knew it wouldn't be a bed of roses, but it seems there are even more thorns in that rose bed than you first thought. Easter sounds like a good final deadline to me. Can you keep coping for that long? Cheers JennieG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 25 Feb 12 - 05:55 PM Realistically, these kids don't have the $$$ to move... We're screwed... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 25 Feb 12 - 07:23 PM None a my business, but you implied he wouldn't take a job "beneath him" when you said he wanted to start "at the top". I would point out to him that if he refused any job he would be out on his ass. That doesn't mean his wife and child too. After all, ya can't chuck out a child. I know that sounds harsh, but it might wake him up a tad. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 25 Feb 12 - 07:36 PM The child(ren) live with their mother on the other side of town... The wife is a child herself... He's 44 and she's 20... I can't just boot them out... Just can't... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 25 Feb 12 - 10:04 PM Wa'al, Beaubear, he is no "kid", he is what in Virginia we called shif'less. One idea, however: since he wants to start at the top, is there some kind of business he can start up by himself? Something he is good at or interested in? This would be of benefit in several ways... it would get him out of the house, it would/might give his lady something worthwhile to do and might make both of them feel better about themselves. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 25 Feb 12 - 10:25 PM Well, eb.... Yeah, he is a darned good chef... We were talkin' about him getting his own restaurant but they tend to be loosing propositions... So then it was a "check wagon" (concession truck) but hat would mean someone helping him get financed... Now we are in the ditch if we do it... I mean, a serious ditch... I mean, this step-son ain't a highly motivated person... If this was the 3 pigs he's be the one who built his house out of sticks... He doe have a good prospect of becoming a server at Bonefish at the end of April... This is his calling... He just thinks it is below him but this is his highest and best opportunity to make $$$... He knows food... I mean, what better in a server than someone who knows food??? Meanwhile??? Who knows??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 25 Feb 12 - 10:27 PM Ahhh... scuse me? He's 44? And HIS kids live with their mother on the other side of town? His PRESENT girlfriend is 20? Sorry if I didn't pick up on that info. I'd say, if he doesn't have any health problems, ta quote yer own words... yer screwed. I mean, what do ya do? That is really rough. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 25 Feb 12 - 10:43 PM And, gn-ze... ...rather than try to bring the 20 year old bride up to, say, 25 he has decided that to keep her that he would act like he was 20??? I'm screwed... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 26 Feb 12 - 01:40 AM I don't have any advice, so I'm sending hugs to you & P-Vine sandra |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 26 Feb 12 - 02:11 AM Turning the knife in the wound just a bit, there is one worse scenario: she could become pregnant. True story: I have had a young couple tell me in all seriousness that they couldn't afford birth control pills and that's why she got pregnant... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 26 Feb 12 - 09:05 AM Yes, Eb... We are ve5ry concerned about this scenario... It would be the absolute worst situation for everyone that I can think of... I mean, a complete nightmare... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 26 Feb 12 - 02:06 PM Well... I dunno about that. Speaking strictly for myself, if a pregnancy occured, I'd give them a time limit and say I am too old for a baby in the house. There another aspect but it's not a good idea to discuss it here. I know I am gonna take flak for what I already said as being callous and harsh but it ain't right Bobert and his bride to be subject to all that goes with an infant in the house. It just ain't. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: maeve Date: 26 Feb 12 - 02:13 PM I reckon Bobert and The P Vine are figuring out their proactive, rather than reactive, best choices for the people and situation at hand. Once you've got that part worked out, Bobert, it's a matter of follow-through with an eye toward the healthiest possible lives for everyone involved... as far as it's within your control and good sense. You'll work it out. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 26 Feb 12 - 02:23 PM Well, the P-Vine already told the boy that a baby would be a disaster and that we ain't up for it... Problem is that step-son has done a lot of manipulating of this young (and immature for her age, as well) lady... Her 5 year plan is for him to be making stain-glass windows and stuff and the two of them, with his two daughters from wife #1 and their new kids to be riding around the country in a VW bus, doing home schooling and selling stain glass at festivals... Not only is that her plan but the girl is still going thru the "hire-a-teenager-while-they-know-everything-inthe-world" phase of her young and inexperienced life... I mean, did you know that drinking a couple quarts of water a day was "bad" for you??? See what I mean??? This entire thing with him reminds me of verse in Dylan's song "She Belongs to me": You will start of standing proud to steal her anything she sees Yeah, you'll start off standing proud to steal her anything she sees But you'll end up peeking Thru a key hole on your knees I mean, the girl is putting pressure on him big time... He "i want" list is long as my right arm... Geeze louise... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Midchuck Date: 26 Feb 12 - 03:00 PM Buy a very small RV - just one double bed. Tell them, "The house is yours. So are the payments. We're leaving. We don't know where to." I suppose that's unrealistic. But I can't think of a better plan. P. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 26 Feb 12 - 05:21 PM Hmmmmmmm??? Now that's given me an idea.... I own an old (1953) Spartanette 30 foot trailer... The front half is my music studio but it's nice and could be a fairly nice living room... The back half has a bedroom and a bathroom... The bathroom might need some jerry-riggin' to make work but... ...hmmmmmmmmm??? I think a couple nights in it and step-son and daughter, I mean wife (sorry), and he/they might get it??? Thanks, Midchuck... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: katlaughing Date: 27 Feb 12 - 11:07 AM Speaking from experience, in our case, having a new-born grandson and his mom in our house was something we invited and enjoyed, up to a point. There came a time when my daughter and I were not getting along well at all and we all knew she had to move into a place of her own, even though I was So, your best solution might be to buy them an RV, if you can swing it, and send them on their way! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 27 Feb 12 - 11:37 AM I hope you meant loath and not loathe Kat. Goddam spell checkers eh ;-) @Bobert : Seems to me the step son's biggest problem is his inability to relate to grownup women with a mind of their own. He seems to be of the same bent as Ignatius Loyola, in that he wants to get them young and make them adhere to his tenets for life. If and when the present incumbent grows up and starts to have a mind of her own, she may either get the chop, or see sense and move on. Either way, it ain't your problem. Deadlines need to be established. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 27 Feb 12 - 11:39 AM We're not in posiyion right now to take on any more expenses, kat... The move to NC ate us alive... Plus, neither of these kids are at all responsible and they think that their job is to get up every day and figure out just how little they can do??? I mean, they make a lot of effort avoiding work... The d-i-l gets served meals in bed, hasn't so much as lifted a finger in the way of helping around the house with housework while the step-son makes excuses for her??? We have "lent" them what money we were able but there is 0% of them ever paying us back... I'm glad that your daughter is/was responsible and if that was the case here we could at least help them get a loan but I don't see them maturing... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: maeve Date: 27 Feb 12 - 02:14 PM Final words |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: katlaughing Date: 27 Feb 12 - 05:14 PM John, thanks for catching that. I did mean loath. Time for some really tough love, it sounds like to me. Give them a deadline you know you WILL and CAN enforce and stick to it. maeve's got the right idea. Can you kick them out by a certain time each day and lock the doors? Get the message across, they are to be out, actively seeking jobs, alternative places to live, etc.? One more experience story: a couple of years ago, our son had problems with alcohol and needed a place to stay asap. We allowed him to park in our driveway and sleep in his car for a few days. Then we allowed him to move into a small 1960s caravan with the agreement that if he stopped going to AA and/or started drinking, he was out. I caught him at the latter one day and made him leave that day, cat and all. One of the hardest things I've ever done, but he is the better for it. He still struggles with addiction, but is making his way, on his own, and recognises what we did was necessary and helpful. Enabling is a long, terrible road to go down. I hope you and P-Vine can figure out how to break out of it. I know you've got plenty of knowledge about all of this. luvyakat |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bill D Date: 27 Feb 12 - 05:36 PM Sadly, those who cannot seem to deal well with life are also the type who DO get very good at easing into someone else's life and clinging. When they are relatives, it can be very awkward. "You wouldn't turn US out in the cold with nowhere to go, would you?" ("And we DO plan to move...just as soon as we get organized!....Honest...just a little while longer!") If I remember right, moving to N.C. was partly to BE close to relatives....and this situation was 'almost' predictable. Also, if I remember right from the maps, you ain't exactly handy to easy commutes to a variety of possible jobs....if either or both of them were willing to take jobs. Now that they are at your place, their options are limited. The hole gets deeper by the day, even with out any pregnancy...("Oh, we can't just move with her in 'this condition'." etc...etc. The only real question is whether 'they' know exactly what they are doing, or are kidding even themselves about how it will work out. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 27 Feb 12 - 05:51 PM They are clueless, Bill... Every day is more subterfuge and excuses... Now the d-i-l may have lime disease and will need te see many doctors and have many tests and blah, blah, blah... The step son is already a hypochondriac and now the d-i-l is, too... I'm thinking very seriously about the idea of my trailer as Option B when they can't be out of the main house by __________... By their high standards it is like primitive... Two days in it they would find Option C... We do have people who have been invited to stay with us the the 1st or 2nd week of May so we can use that as our opening to discuss an end date... At least that won't make us like "throwing them out"... Just demoting them to a more primitive lifestyle, so to speak... The P-Vine isn't on board on the trailer option but then again she thinks it's disgusting in there and hasn't been in it in years... It's not that bad... Stick a porta-john outside and they be fine... I've lived in worse in my life... Well, like Ebbie says, "my life is interesting"... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 08 Mar 12 - 08:03 PM Well, it has been a couple weeks since the last update so... ...no progress to report... Step son thinks that his daily job is to figure out how to keep from looking for or excepting a real job... I believe that D-I-L is a hypochondriac and has vague symptoms and always going off to see yet another doctor... Meanwhile they both hate Obama even though if it we're for the Affordable Care Act she wouldn't still be under her parents health insurance... Step-ie has no insurance... D-I-L wants lots of stuff, including a nice apartment in an upscale neighborhood... Between them they could come up with $100... They spend most of their time hiding in their bedroom watching movies... And the beat goes on... B;~( |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Maryrrf Date: 08 Mar 12 - 10:22 PM "They spend most of their time hiding in their bedroom watching movies..." - that doesn't sound good. They're hanging out on easy street and probably won't be in all that big of a hurry to go out into the real world where they'll have to work. This might be a long haul. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: katlaughing Date: 09 Mar 12 - 12:06 AM Turn off the cable, get rid of the tv? They're probably hiding because deep down they know they are free-loading and are embarrassed. I hope you and P-Vine can find a way out of this one, quick. That kind of stress is not good for either of you, esp. after the huge move. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 09 Mar 12 - 12:13 AM Just wondering if you can see progress in the situation, Beaubear. Here is how it began and developed: But one of her 3 sons has gotten into a pickle with a combination of some questionable decisions and a bad economy and so at the end of December he and his lady will be moving here in with us "temporarily" around New Years. November 22 The son is a "chef" and will more than likely end up working weird hours... His lady is much, much younger than him and is a waitress... Being a chef he has already said he would take over some of the cooking... He has also said that he will pay toward the utilities... Food, I am assuming (bad to assume), is something that I hope they understand is an area where they need to contribute their fair share... Yes, I like the ideas of having a little business meeting maybe the day after they arrive and have the move behind them... November 23 Plus, even if I could, I wouldn't (turn them away)... It's the right thing to do... At least for now, that is.. December 11 Might of fact I have an official shaggin' wagon (Spartan trailer) and they can walk back to it any time they want... Can get nude back there, and all... December 12 The step-son's daughter wants to be here, too??? Hmmmmmm?? December 22 So the new d-i-l (daughter in law) fainted 3 days ago down in Florida and fell and hit her head and just go9 out of the hospital yesterday and step-son says that NC law says that you can't drive if you have had a seizure in the last 6 months??? Not that she had a seizure but they don't know but the job she has lined up us 45 minute drive (one way)??? December 22 U-Haul, box full of cat and all showed... The last two days have been complete chaos... Right now, their stuff is everywhere, they are still out moving boxes into the attic room over the garage, the grand-youngin's are here, the daughter-in-law has to start her new job tomorrow morning and I'm hiding in my man-cave/office... The silver lining is that the daughter-in-law has pudder skills so we're going to get some help there... December 25 We're definitely going to have to set some rules for the grand-kids when they are here... They think the P-Vine is a short order cook... Looks like they will be here every other weekend...December 26 He is a chef and can pitch in but the long term solution is order and eat what and when food is prepared... December 26 Food is a problem... Step-son is a chef and used to having anything and everything at his disposal... It's not like that here... His daughters, age 9 and 5, think this is a restaurant and order up stuff then don't finish it before ordering up something else... We will most definitely have to correct this... We're the adults, not them...December 27 ..the grandies are off to stay with their mom so while thay are gone we'll have a little talk about how all this catering is not only stressful but not good for the kids... December 27 These yoounginz ain't cookin' up much but a new list of demands...December 27 I don't know about these kids and the grand kids... They seem to have a reality disconnect... No planning... Every minute of every day is chaos... I mean, these kids need some serious parenting but the P-Vine's son is like 42 years old... He talks of quitting work (he's a chef), "doing" stain glass, having another baby with his new wife (age 20), living in ab old van and selling stained glass at various shows and festivals??? Meanwhile he has two daughters that he can't afford to make child support payments for who come over and wreck out house every weekend??? Meanwhile, the new wife has taken a $9 an hour job in a coffee shop that is an hour's drive away and can't drive right now because she possibly had a seizure so someone has to drive (2 hour round trip) twice a day (gasoline @ $3.29 a gallon) to get her to and from her $9 an hour job (6 hour shift)??? January 8 Hopefully, the son will get hired and the two of them will move along as planned... It was offered as a three of four month proposition... The son is going to be interviewing at the Ritz Carlton where has has worked for the last several years in other locations...January 8 Once she gets cleared to drive, which could be as soon as tomorrow, then the math works... Kinda... January 8 Well, 3 weeks into this experiment and I'd give it a solid "C"... Some things good and others not so... The good is that when step son cooks, which ain't often, things are real nice..January 17 I'm playing good cop and letting the P-VIne be the bad one..January 17 The d-i-l is lazy and passive aggressive and acts like a princess... The step son, however, in spite of the fact that he deep down inside is a Rush Limbaugh fanatic, has been very helpful... He knows not to talk politics with me... That is good... He knows construction... That is good... He knows how to chef... That is good... The problem I am seein' is that what I thought might be a couple two or three months might be a bit longer... Like, forever??? That is not good... Seems that the son and the P-Vine think thtere is something I can say to the 20 years old d-i-l that will make her less lazy and less passive aggressive... Well, I don't think so. January 31 If d-i-l were a client and not living here under our roof, it would be a lot easier... Seems that she has all but perfected the "princess" role with the step-son and though he knows it he is not willing to quit enabling her... February 1 Here we are approaching the 2 month mark and step-son hasn't quite figured out that he's got to get a job... Well, not excatly... He wants a job... He wants to start at the top... Okay??? D-I-L is still fascinated by work... She can watch others do it all day... Oh yeah, grand-daughter has step-son's number and is angling to move in with us, too... No way!!! Ain't gonna happen!!! February 24 The good thoughts help but sending someone by to give them both a good kick in the rear is what we really need here...February 25 I mean, seems that every time the P-Vine and I are out in the car all we talk about is just what bad decision makin' these kids are about... The step-son already has a bankruptcy and they think that if the D-I-L gets a $200 paycheck that that $$$ is all discretionary income??? February 25 Realistically, these kids don't have the $$$ to move... We're screwed...February 25 The wife is a child herself... He's 44 and she's 20... I can't just boot them out... Just can't... February 25 Yeah, he is a darned good chef... We were talkin' about him getting his own restaurant but they tend to be loosing propositions... So then it was a "check wagon" (concession truck) but hat would mean someone helping him get financed... Now we are in the ditch if we do it... I mean, a serious ditch... I mean, this step-son ain't a highly motivated person... If this was the 3 pigs he's be the one who built his house out of sticks... He doe have a good prospect of becoming a server at Bonefish at the end of April... This is his calling... He just thinks it is below him but this is his highest and best opportunity to make $$$... He knows food... I mean, what better in a server than someone who knows food??? February 25 ..rather than try to bring the 20 year old bride up to, say, 25 he has decided that to keep her that he would act like he was 20??? I'm screwed...February 25 the P-Vine already told the boy that a baby would be a disaster and that we ain't up for it... Problem is that step-son has done a lot of manipulating of this young (and immature for her age, as well) lady... Her 5 year plan is for him to be making stain-glass windows and stuff and the two of them, with his two daughters from wife #1 and their new kids to be riding around the country in a VW bus, doing home schooling and selling stain glass at festivals... Not only is that her plan but the girl is still going thru the "hire-a-teenager-while-they-know-everything-inthe-world" phase of her young and inexperienced life... I mean, did you know that drinking a couple quarts of water a day was "bad" for you??? See what I mean??? February 26 I own an old (1953) Spartanette 30 foot trailer... The front half is my music studio but it's nice and could be a fairly nice living room... The back half has a bedroom and a bathroom... The bathroom might need some jerry-riggin' to make work but... ...hmmmmmmmmm??? I think a couple nights in it and step-son and daughter, I mean wife (sorry), and he/they might get it??? February 26 Plus, neither of these kids are at all responsible and they think that their job is to get up every day and figure out just how little they can do??? I mean, they make a lot of effort avoiding work... The d-i-l gets served meals in bed, hasn't so much as lifted a finger in the way of helping around the house with housework while the step-son makes excuses for her??? We have "lent" them what money we were able but there is 0% of them ever paying us back...February 27 They are clueless, Bill... Every day is more subterfuge and excuses... Now the d-i-l may have lime disease and will need te see many doctors and have many tests and blah, blah, blah... The step son is already a hypochondriac and now the d-i-l is, too... I'm thinking very seriously about the idea of my trailer as Option B when they can't be out of the main house by __________... By their high standards it is like primitive... Two days in it they would find Option C... We do have people who have been invited to stay with us the the 1st or 2nd week of May so we can use that as our opening to discuss an end date... At least that won't make us like "throwing them out"... Just demoting them to a more primitive lifestyle, so to speak... The P-Vine isn't on board on the trailer option but then again she thinks it's disgusting in there and hasn't been in it in years... It's not that bad... Stick a porta-john outside and they be fine... I've lived in worse in my life...February 27 Step son thinks that his daily job is to figure out how to keep from looking for or excepting a real job... I believe that D-I-L is a hypochondriac and has vague symptoms and always going off to see yet another doctor... Meanwhile they both hate Obama even though if it we're for the Affordable Care Act she wouldn't still be under her parents health insurance... Step-ie has no insurance... D-I-L wants lots of stuff, including a nice apartment in an upscale neighborhood... Between them they could come up with $100... They spend most of their time hiding in their bedroom watching movies...March 8 {{{{{Hugs for Bob and the P-Vine}}}} |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 09 Mar 12 - 12:35 AM adding to those hugs - Bobert & P-Vine definitely need them |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 09 Mar 12 - 04:41 AM Sadly Bobert, there's no way this is going to end well. So better to expedite matters and get the inevitable pain out of the way. For me, it would be the trailer or O-U-T. However it's easy for all of us to pontificate from a distance, we're not personally involved. I will say this; my Mother gave me an ultimatum when I was about 16. Get up, find work, or ship out. I shipped out. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 09 Mar 12 - 09:20 AM Ouch!!! I had not reviewed this thread, Eb... It is certainly hard to read... I mean, we are trying very hard to do the right things and to show grace but... Like I have reread several times in your review, Eb... We're screwed... At least for now... D-I-L is wearing a "Halter Monitor" for three days that monitors what is happening when she has faint spells... I hope they find PVC (post ventricular contractions) because they both drink heavy caffeine... That would mean that if she lays off the caffeine then all will be well... Step-ie is all-but-hired to work as a server ar a new Bonefish Grill but that doesn't begin to the end of April... D-I-L can work for her $9 a hour in any coffee shop so getting him hired it #1 goal and she can finf a new job... It is tiring... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Jeri Date: 09 Mar 12 - 09:56 AM Bob, you were a counselor before, so you know what 'enabling' is, right? People do it because they don't want a loved one to fail. (How could anyone ever succeed?) Maybe they'll blame themselves if that happens. (It's not their failure!) If these folks are consistently rewarded for failure, then failure is what they'll become good at. Everybody involved is afraid of risking anything, but that's the only way anything will improve. IMO |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 09 Mar 12 - 10:57 AM Well, jeri, yeah... I was a counselor... I know all the concepts and I know what I would advise someone else to do here... Kinda like mechanics not keeping their own cars maintained, 'er somethin' like that... I reckon the best thing that we have going is that D-I-L wantts out very badly... The P-Vine doesn't buy into her "poor me" games and ignores her when she plays them and I know that irritates the "princess" who apparently has had a life rime of "poor you's"... So she is pushing step-ie... He's got some stuff on Craigslist to try to come up with $$$ to get D-I-L the apartment... Just looks like we are looking at 2-3 more months... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 09 Mar 12 - 11:19 AM Obviously I can't speak for everyone here, Bobert, but if my own feelings are anything to go by, we all wish all of you the best path out of the dilemma. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Jeri Date: 09 Mar 12 - 11:23 AM Bobert, I figured you knew it, but sometimes it helps if somebody from outside just says it out loud. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 09 Mar 12 - 04:15 PM Well, Jeri, thanks... I'd like to think that these kids are at the very least learning something about the work ethic... Step-ie keeps askin' the P-Vine, "Why do ya'll work so hard" as if there is something wrong with us... I'm kinda waitin' for him to ask me 'cause then I can use that as a teaching opportunity in telling him to look around at our lives and situation and tell him that it's not a matter of "good luck" but a matter of hard work... So far, I've played good cop purdy well and it drives the P-Vine crazy but it does allow me the opportunity to pick and chose my battles so that they don't look like battles, aren't perceived as battles and taken in subtly... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 10 Mar 12 - 03:44 PM Tell him waht my old man said to me when I was a boy... "A man without work is not a man." And, that's true on more than one level. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Lizzie Cornish Date: 10 Mar 12 - 04:13 PM Bobz, I've not been to Mudcat in a pretty long time...so this thread has gone on way ahead of me. I've just been reading Ebbie's post above, with your posts in... OK, going to be a bit harsh here...but it's wrapped up in love.. Your Beloved P-Vine has been through the wars, medically. She's fought back and you've fought right beside.. You have two utterly selfish, lazy dingbats living with you at present, who only think about themselves and nobody else. That man should be damn well thinking about his Mum, what she's been through and how STRESS is the LAST thing she needs around her..you too, Bobz... You were both really looking forward to this move and after a few ups and downs to start with you began to really settle in...and then, along comes Mr. and Mrs. 'Hey, LOOK AT THIS!' and suddenly you're ferrying them everywhere, doing all the cooking, cleaning etc, putting up with badly behaved, rude grandchildren.. There's one helluva lot of rude and selfish folks out there these days, but that does NOT mean that you and your lovely lady have to put up with it. SHE has parents, let them go and stay with them. How DARE she behave like this in *your* home! I'm seething and I don't even know them. This is totally taking you both for granted, laughing behind your backs almost...and as for all her illnesses etc, well, maybe a large pinch of salt should be taken with them.. This is NOT your fault OR your responsibility. If he wants to take up with a girl of 20 and go on about having babies with her, despite having others he can't afford to contribute to, or rather, doesn't *want* to contribute to, then how DARE he even consider having more! YEESH! And GUESS who'll be left 'holding the baby/ies' in a short space of time? Yup.... And of course, she'll need to be taken out, without the children, so she can 'relax' because by then she'll be 'worn out' with taking care of them....and they'll more than likely be little brats with no manners.. Tell them "ENOUGH!" Blow up! EXPLODE! Read them The Riot Act...and tell them that NO WAY is your beloved lassie going to be put through all this shit! They WILL survive, they WILL find somewhere to move to...and she will probably drop him like a hot potato because suddenly she may have to start really working her butt off..... Your posts have always been so filled with laughter and fun, mischief and humour...but now you're so deeply stressed and unhappy...and TWO people are doing this to you, who really don't give a shit about you. I'm SO not into people who USE others...and it seems to me that both you and the P-Vine are having your Good Natures walked all over.. I'm totally with John on this one, but as ever, in a far more long-winded way.... I'm worried about you..really worried.. You both need your home back, your lives back, your peace back. xxxx |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 10 Mar 12 - 06:37 PM Thanks, Lizzie, for your concerns... EXPLODE may be down the road a tad... I did confront the princess last week but not in the EXPLODE manner... Kinda slightly irritated... I've got some time lines in my head and given that step-ie says he has a job lined up to begin next month I'll be willing to let that play out... If that doesn't work then I'll be close to EXPLODE... Meanwhile, step-ie has stepped up with some household chores and cooking... Its an improvement but not what I would call sufficient but the bare minimum... But, yeah... I do know that this can't go on forever... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 11 Mar 12 - 09:36 PM Bobzy, good grief... I go and get busy with 3D life for a few weeks and while I'm not looking all hell breaks loose. But I guess after looking at Ebbie's digest it's really just that things have been sliding slowly but surely. Gosh I hope you find yourselves a healthy answer soon. All my best thoughts going your way. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 12 Mar 12 - 08:37 AM Well, after what??? 3 months of them being here they are finally going to get real license plates for their beat up car today... That's progress... The ones they have been driving on are out of state and dead... I donno... They keep escaping to the fairyland area of Charlotte (Huntersville) because that is where they ***want*** to live... Hey, who doesn't??? It's an hours drive from here which means 5 gallons of gas... But they think (???) the license plate office will be less crowded than the one 4 miles from here??? The P-Vine and I have been in the local one and never had to wait over 20 minutes??? When I pointed that out the d-i-l pointed out that since they were going to be living in fairyland that they ***wanted*** to get their plates there??? These kids have no idea the difference between wants and needs... They buy expensive, imported water because they ***want*** to... Meanwhile, we drink well water??? Nevermind... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 12 Mar 12 - 08:58 AM These kids have no idea the difference between wants and needs... the sooner they leave for fairyland, the better for you & P-Vine |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,CS Date: 12 Mar 12 - 09:21 AM Are they still considering traveling round the festival circuit in a van? Can she get credit or borrow from her fam? If so then that might not be an impossible dream (though not with the stained glass thing as it requires years of training, MANY technical aspects to learn and become proficient at. I was shown round the workshop of a professional stained glass guy, and he listed all the things you have to be good at - very beautiful craft but I wouldn't want to attempt it!) With his experience, they could consider catering at festivals? Not a path to wealth and riches, but as an alt. lifestyle it would provide freedom and lots of experiences in different places with different people. And it's gotta be better than being 40 odd and living at mum and dads. Otherwise, as you may have sussed, the key to getting shot of the pair of them is the d-i-l - she's got the power to say what goes, he'll be more desperate to keep her happy than anything. Find out her quirks, what pisses her off (noisy fixing of cars early in the morning, 'interruptions' in hot running water, stinky manure pile in the backyard) And if your mrs and his mrs don't get along, remind (conversationally) your mrs about what pisses her off most about d-i-l regularly... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: maeve Date: 12 Mar 12 - 10:06 AM Bobert, you and the P-Vine are there in the combat zone, so ignore anything I say that doesn't fit your reality. 1. You mentioned "I've got some time lines in my head." As long as the boundaries are not on the table and followed through with logical, previously stated consequences, the passive aggressive manipulation will continue. 2. Too bad the septic system can't back up for a few days. Love, Maeve |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 12 Mar 12 - 10:10 AM Who pays for the petrol to make the unnecessary journey, and out of what money. Ditto about expensive water. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,CS Date: 12 Mar 12 - 10:28 AM "2. Too bad the septic system can't back up for a few days." Hairy crawly things planted in the bathroom late at night... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 12 Mar 12 - 12:22 PM No, I couldn't afford the airfare... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 12 Mar 12 - 01:30 PM Well, seems that we are paying for the petro and bottled water as they were kinda contributing some food but have all but quit... They use all the money that d-i-l receives from her 30 hour a week $9/hr coffee shop gig...Srep-ie hasn't earned $1 since he got here... We have quit buying a number of things that we like, such a Post cereals ($3.29 a box) and are now just buying the cheap ($1.50 a box) generic corn flakes and rice chex because srep-ie can go thru a box of Post cereal in a day??? We may just have to do this with everything.. Just the bare basic foods because nothing decent is safe... BTW, the P-Vine has had enough of the princess act and says (we'll see) she is going to have a heart-to-heart with d-i-l about not doing anything except watch movies and be served food by step-ie in their room... Literally... I donno??? B;~( |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,CS Date: 12 Mar 12 - 01:48 PM "they were kinda contributing some food but have all but quit... They use all the money that d-i-l receives from her 30 hour a week $9/hr coffee shop gig..." So you're supporting them both completely? They should pay for their own food! Maybe you really need to have a heart to heart with your Mrs about not allowing her son and his bird sponge off you any longer? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: maeve Date: 12 Mar 12 - 02:41 PM Man alive, Bobert, this must stop. Use our outrage on your behalf as a reality check. If I were to move in with my folks and scrounge off them I'd expect to be booted to the door forthwith...and I'd deserve it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,CS Date: 12 Mar 12 - 02:54 PM We spent a few months at my bf's Mum & Dads some years ago, during a brief period of limbo. We were both broke and had virtually no cash coming in. They took pretty much all that we were getting in in payment for rent, food and heating etc. Which as said, wasn't much. We didn't resent them for it. And we moved on pretty quickly too. Even when I was a teenager at college and living at home with Mum, having to pay for travel & books etc. out of not a lot, I went shopping each week and bought the food in. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 12 Mar 12 - 06:22 PM I respectfully suggest, Bobster, that you look up what it costs to run a car (as a petrolhead you probably have a fair idea anyway) and if they want to use the car for a jolly take the money for the trip off them up front and check the mileage when they return. If they produce a petrol receipt you can refund them out of the up-front money. If they exceed paid for miles, they don't get to use the car for anything until they have cleared the outstanding cost to you. Put your luxury foods in a padlocked fridge or cupboard - I knew someone who ran a home for handicapped teenagers (which is nearly what you seem to be doing) and he had to do that or nothing was safe. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 12 Mar 12 - 06:54 PM Locks and checking mileage and so on? No. Simple, honest, aside, man-to-man talk to Step-ie. Like, "Bottled water when the water from the tap is free? If you got that kinda money, why are you here? Grow up, straighten up and fly right or fly the fuck outta here. And, whatever ya do, don't upset your mother in any way or I'll kick your ass. Maybe not physically, but I will... kick your ass. This bus is gonna stop sooner or later and you'll have to get off so get off yer ass while the gettin's good." If he don't understand that, he ain't never gonna leave anyway. Of course, as John said, it's easy for all of us to pontificate from a distance. I just hope, as has been said, things work out without ANY conflict. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 12 Mar 12 - 08:40 PM I like that one, gn-ze... How about comin' down and deliverin' that dictate to step-ie??? Man, this shit ain't easy... It's family... But I do like the idea of tellin' step-ie that water speech... I mean, really... That's kinda thumbin' their insensitivity at us... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 12 Mar 12 - 10:10 PM good luck |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 12 Mar 12 - 10:20 PM Thanks, Sandra... We need it... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 13 Mar 12 - 01:15 AM I think, gnu, that a speech between adults as equals is an unrealistic aspiration when one party is playing the child. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: JennieG Date: 13 Mar 12 - 04:07 AM Keeping an eye on you, Bobert - and sending good thoughts that a resolution is found soon. One thing is for sure, if they ever ask the same favour in the future there's a fair chance the answer would be no, under no circumstances whatsoever? Cheers JennieG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 13 Mar 12 - 04:16 AM None of the choices ahead of you are pleasant. I had to draw a line with my brother some years ago about money and a place to stay. Seeing what you're up against I'm awfully glad I never let bro get his suitcase in the door, even though I felt horrible about it at the time (despite knowing my decision was right--he took and still takes people down with him, and I finally chose not to be one of them). I don't envy you one little bit. Sending a few hugs your way... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Lizzie Cornish Date: 13 Mar 12 - 04:20 AM Bobz...just say "No!" Keep saying it. They are spoilt little brats. Do not contribute to the spoiling any longer, either of you. Watch 'SuperNanny' then tell them to go sit on the Naughty Step, before you tell them they have a choice.. And the choice is, they either contribute food/rent/bills money, on a regular weekly basis, or, they move out. Stop all the nice things you're doing. Stop the use of the car. Tell them they have to buy their own food and cook it. Tell them they have to keep the place clean, do their own washing etc and, most importantly abide by YOUR rules. SHE knows you're both soft and gentle..and she is using that against you both. She also knows that she can control him by Bedroom Eyes and Games. That is NOT your problem. He's fooking forty-two years old and should be helping to look after YOU and HIS MUM! Now get out there and read them that riot act and stop worrying that your lovely lady will be upset.. Stop making deadlines, them moving them... Tell them both, today... Go on, you can do it....... xxxx |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,CS Date: 13 Mar 12 - 05:09 AM "Now get out there and read them that riot act and stop worrying that your lovely lady will be upset.." B's basically shafted until his Mrs agrees that her son & his bird should be sorting out their own shit and buying their own grub. I've noticed much of the discontent is being loaded on the d-i-l. She's just an appendage to him. Reading between the lines, I suspect Mum still thinks of her son as 'her baby' (Mums are often soft on adult boy children, while they will be harder on adult girl children) and is resistant to enforcing rules with him/getting him to pay his way/letting him live in the trailer. The heart to heart needs to be with B & his Mrs, if she's not on his side over these issues, she may not like it if he lays down the law with her boy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 13 Mar 12 - 05:25 AM Alternatively, you could have Dante's inscription put about your front door. "Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 13 Mar 12 - 07:46 AM Well, thanks all... Some things are about timing... I go for my thumb surgery tomorrow... The step-ie isn't completely useless... He does help out a little... Some days, a lot... They don't really have much $$$ right now because she only makes $9 an hour and working 30 hours a week... It would be easier if he had income, too... Much easier... You can't squeeze blood from a turnip but then again they buy that imported water... That kinda burns us up... Last night they informed us that they have both been hired at a new Bonefish Grill which is a very upscale restaurant... The problem here is that the jobs don't begin until the end of April when it opens... Part of me doesn't believe them and the part that does believe them is thinkin', "Geeze, that's another 6 weeks before they go to work and then they'll need to woek a month or so to get enough $$$ ro move"... That could mean 3 more months!!! It's easier to know what to do than to do it... I hope that the P-Vine will have a heart-to-heart with d-i-l... Today??? I'm going to enjoy my last day before the thump operation... Thanks all for your input and support... B~ . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Maryrrf Date: 13 Mar 12 - 08:26 AM Good luck with the operation Bobert. I agree with some of the other posters - you're in a very difficult situation since it's your wife's son, and I think you have to wait until she gets fed up and makes the decision that they HAVE to go. That is, unless you want to risk getting her upset both at the situation and with you, and I don't think that's what you want to happen. I'm sure she is really torn between knowing that she's enabling, and wanting to help her son for whom she feels a strong maternal instinct to protect, even though he's an adult. Intellectually she knows they need to go and they are sponging, but she's feeling the emotional pull - no matter how old he is, he's still her little boy. At least you'll be out of it for a while on pain meds.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 13 Mar 12 - 08:27 AM Good luck with the thump! If you take their money on payday - or at least the part owed to you, then you get to say what it gets spent on. Mind you my daughter buys bottled water too - and the people who do that don't even buy it in economy sizes, but in the priciest tiny bottles... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 13 Mar 12 - 11:38 AM Okay, now I want to know what Las Vegas say about all this. I've got five bucks and I'm looking for odds to help me choose where to place my bet. What are the odds that by end of May (this year), ..step-son and step-DIL will have moved out on their own initiative? ..P-Vine will have decided it's time for son & DIL to move out? ..P-Vine will have actually made son & DIL move out? ..Bobert starves to death (or drowns in his own blood--eww sorry, that's gross) as a result of spending his every single waking moment biting his tongue really, really hard? ..Bobert will find the right words to inform P-Vine how stressed and angered he feels without making P-Vine feel she has to choose between husband and son? ..Bobert's blood pressure will be up by 50% before this is properly resolved? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 13 Mar 12 - 12:34 PM Well, hmmmmmm??? Not sure if I like too many of those scenarios, Crowhugger, except the 2nd one where the P-Vine makes them move out... Things might get interesting this evening... The P-Vine says that the kids want to have a meeting??? Okay??? But then she also told me that she had informed step-ie that we have company invited for the 2nd week in May and that there is only this one guestroom... She said that step-ie got real quiet... I think that given the fact that the kids have said that they won't start work until the end of April and that the company in due less than two weeks later that the kids are going to tell us all about their wonderful plans to be out by the end of May and ask us to put our guests up in a motel or offer to ro stay in a motel themselves while the guests are here??? That's my thinking... We'll see??? Actually, I would be surprised if this "meeting" come off at all... But there is another situation that is even more troubling in that the oldest daughter does not get along with the step-ie's ex and they fight alot and the daughter has been angling to move in here, too??? I tried to talk with the P-Vine about the various things that the kids are going to try on us so we would be of one mind but she is stressed and didn't want to talk about it... Oh well... As Bobert's World Turns... Ya'll think I should get this thread syndicated??? Maybe I could make a few bucks to cover these extra expenses... lol... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: maeve Date: 13 Mar 12 - 02:47 PM The night before you go in for hand surgery and they want a meeting? Oy. I think I'd better keep my mouth shut, Bobert. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 13 Mar 12 - 03:57 PM Where did my post go? Re the bottled water thing I said. I said it because I feel the same way you do, Bobert. Pissed me off to hear that bit a crap. Ya might wanna sow that seed in P-Vine and let her take it from there anyway. Re the meeting... I'd say I have a slice and dice at 6AM and there won't be any meeting tonight... I ain't in the mood - period. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: katlaughing Date: 13 Mar 12 - 04:02 PM Make them move out to the trailer. Guest room problem solved. BUT, I agree, night before surgery NO bullshite for you! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 13 Mar 12 - 04:30 PM Yeah, I been out in the garden and then on my tractor all afternoon and kinda kept from thinkin' about anything... Just tryin' to chill... But now chill time is over and I think the idea of having a meeting ain't all that sensitive on their part but I'm okay with it... Step-ie has a nice motor scooter than he keeps talking about selling and did put it on Craigslist but asked crazy $$$ for it... I went to the inter net and researched its value and told step-ie what it was really worth... Hint, hint... He's now discussing it with d-i-l... We'll see... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 13 Mar 12 - 04:41 PM I'm not saying you'll like 'em, just trying to earn something off my fin ;-). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 13 Mar 12 - 07:29 PM Seems that "family meeting" has been called off and step-ie is going to put motor scooter on ebay... I think that, all things considered, this is positive... If it sells then they will have the $$$ to move... I'm sure that d-i-l would love that... Cross fingers... No, buy step-ie's motor scooter... Its a Piaggo 150 Fly... Very nice... 70 mpg... B;~) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 13 Mar 12 - 07:37 PM Hey Bobster, I have an idea. I have several spare rooms and a caravan, and lots of guitars (I think it's 17 but I can't be arsed to go and check). Can you raise an airfare to the UK? Just you, alone? I'll even buy your food (judgement reserved on booze until I know how much you drink and I can't get "shine" here) and I can't personally source your puff but the village is notorious. I also have brugmansia and datura if you know what to do. They are legal here unlike certain ferns. Broadband running about 20Mbps. 150 watt hifi with vinyl deck and about 10 kilowatts of PA rig. 200 watt Marshall head, Laney cab for it, old fashioned "country" H/H 100 watt combo, vintage Marshall 2*12 combo, little Vox 2*8. I'll even introduce you to a guy who can show you how to do the backthumb that you need for the bass line on "Winding Boy" and knocks out a murderous "Cornbread Peas and Black Molasses". No driving my Volvos until you get a UK driving licence - but - and here's the incentive - I do know a guy with a Skyline putting 900 BHP down at the rear wheels with launch control and sequential gearbox - ROAD LEGAL. Get your bionic thumb first though. Let the fambly sort the children out. Now, did that bring a smile to your face? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 13 Mar 12 - 08:21 PM COWABUNGA!!! I'm going to the UK!!! Screw these wackos!!! What's a Skyline, Richard??? Can I drive it??? Huh??? Come on... Can I drive it??? No, make that, "I want to drive it"... No, make that "I gotta drive it!!!"... B;~) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 14 Mar 12 - 01:15 AM I'll have to follow this thread - the context has changed considerably since I first read a few posts. SRS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 14 Mar 12 - 04:08 AM Here are some pictures of Nissan Skylines http://www.imagejuicy.com/images/exotic-cars/n/nissan-blitz-skyline-r348/1/ I think he's VERY unlikely to let anyone else drive it and since he's a 6 foot 4 power lifter and mixed martial arts competitor (with some edged weapons skills too) I don't think trying to insist would be wise. A standard one will probably run low 12s. Here's a link to one with 1150bhp doing 6.9. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JI4s1qJ7hBo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 14 Mar 12 - 04:53 PM Nice, Richard... Nah, Magz, the thread is very much about the same ol' slobber knocker... Last nights meeting not only did'nt happen but there was no discussion about why...It is my guess that step-ie has listed his fancy motor scooter on ebay and if it should sell they will have sufficient $$$ to rent their dream apartment in fairyland... Meanwhile step-ie has been very helpful... He even borrowed the P-Vine's car and went off to buy me a new keyboard to replace the one that had all the popular letters worn off??? Maybe they sniffed an eviction thing??? I donno??? Maybe they rigged up a bug in our car??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 14 Mar 12 - 08:24 PM Hmmmmmmm??? Seems as ex wants a "pow wow" with step-ie, d-i-l and "ex's" boyfriend... Step-ie is about 7 months behind in child support and "ex" want the older daughter out, out, out... Poo getting ready to hit the fan!!! B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bill D Date: 14 Mar 12 - 08:35 PM Who needs soap operas when Bobert's relatives are active? *grin*...(hey...Bobert.. mebbe them repo guys from up north can help you out!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 14 Mar 12 - 08:51 PM Now there's an idea, Bill... Seems that my cousin's repo show isn't going to continue maybe I oughtta call up Cousin Buddy and pitch a "relative removal reality show"...lol... B;~) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 15 Mar 12 - 02:16 AM looks like it has stopped raining above you head - now the storm starts! hugs to you & p-Vine sandra |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 15 Mar 12 - 06:37 AM Yeah, the big pow wow occurs tomorrow... The ex, it would seem to me, is 100% in the driver's here 'cause this is the South and half the people in jail here are here because of not paying child support??? I know tha doesn't make any sense but this IS the South!!! What bugs me is that Bib Bob Gibson's BBQ was hiring both cooks an wait staff when the kids first got here and I told them and they blew it off??? Had they taken those jobs, which BTW is only 10 minutes from here then they would be caught up with child support but would be zeroing in on having the $$$ to move but... ... that isn't what they "wanted"??? B:~( |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 15 Mar 12 - 03:02 PM "they blew it off" ??? Ahem... man-to-man again. "Looky here, bud. Fact of the matter is, your dream job employer is gonna look at the fact that you are out of work when he knows you could get a job flippin burgers is gonna make him wonder why yer such a lazy SOB and that might mean you don't get hired." Of course, using SOB in this particular case is just wrong... >;-) He is 7 months behind in child support? And he won't take any job he can get? Fer fucksake! CHILD support?! He don't give a shit about his own CHILD? Ya know, I don't like this guy and I don't even know him. Throw the deadbeat into that fan. That just ain't right. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: katlaughing Date: 15 Mar 12 - 05:51 PM Man, I had no idea, you and P-Vine are so NOT alone in what you are going through: CLICK HERE....the Millennials/Yuckies/Boomerangs are coming?! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 15 Mar 12 - 06:45 PM Well there go the bucks for the sale of the scooter, paying off the back child support. Sheesh. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 15 Mar 12 - 08:55 PM Well, the meeting with the ex an step-ie is going on as we speak... Unfortunately, included in the meeting is know-everything-in-the-world id d-i-l and ex's boyfriend??? This won't turn out well... Meanwhile, having experience with ebay, step-ie asked for my advice and I walked him thru the strategy and then he listed it in a manner that greatly reduces his chances of selling it??? I donno, ya'll??? I know the word "retard" is out of bounds, but... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 15 Mar 12 - 09:47 PM "d-i-l and ex's boyfriend"??? WTF? I am completely lost. I thought you had a Son-i-L who had an ex and a girlfriend. Who is this d-i-l- and who is the ex's boyfriend and why is he... WTF? Maybe you could send me some a what you are smokin and I could get all this strightened out? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: maeve Date: 15 Mar 12 - 09:53 PM gnu, the cast of characters in said meeting includes: Step-ie DIL, his wife Step-ie's Ex Ex's Boyfriend Long-Suffering P-Vine and Bobert, bless 'em every one. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 15 Mar 12 - 10:03 PM So, they are married? I guess I missed that. I thought she was a girlfriend. Sorrrrry. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 16 Mar 12 - 02:23 AM excellent cast list there, maeve If it wasn't that our good friends Bobert & P-Vine were involved, it could be a wacky TV series or a Reality Show. sandra |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 16 Mar 12 - 02:27 AM forgot to say, many thankyous to kat for the boomerang kids article. I read it thru with a rising sense of amazement & horror. We have boomerang kids here, as the past few Censuses have shown, but I haven't read such horror stories, tho I assume they would be around. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 16 Mar 12 - 07:17 AM Sorry, Gn-ze, but yer going to have to do the "As Bobert's World Burns" remedial... But, hey, it's being taught by Maeve so it's not all bad... Today's episode has two twists... First, there were no fist fights last night between d-i-l and the ex or between step-ie an ex's boyfrined or any combination of those characters... Seein' as step-ie and d-i-l don't have any real money it was agreed to kick the can down the road... But here's where it gets interesting... D-i-l announced to the P-Vine that she and step-ie have saved enough for the 1st month's rent in fairyland and ***if*** the scooter sells on ebay then they will be moving on... Sniff... lol... You notice the ***if*** in the previous sentence??? No matter... Step-ie's 2 daughters are here for the weekend so the next 3 days will be the usual... And there you have it... The latest chapter in "As Bibert's World Burns"... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 16 Mar 12 - 08:22 AM Opps!!! Must add the other two cast members: two grand daughters, age 10 an 5 of step-ie an stepie's ex... The 10 year old does not get along with her mother and angles every which way she can to also live here... Now back to the fun and games which apparently are to sooon begin as the P-Vine and I are going to get stuck with the grand daughters whlie srep-ie and d-i-l go off??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 16 Mar 12 - 08:48 AM what next? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: maeve Date: 16 Mar 12 - 08:51 AM "What next?" What's next is that you choose to say no. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: saulgoldie Date: 16 Mar 12 - 08:57 AM "excellent cast list there, maeve If it wasn't that our good friends Bobert & P-Vine were involved, it could be a wacky TV series or a Reality Show. sandra " It could be semi-fictionalized and "the names changed to protect the innocent." Hey, here's an idea...we could do that right here! We could throw in some of the comments we have posted, fictionalized, of course, and even mix in some of the back stories of 'Catters. I'm sure "one of us" knows how the "print to film" thingie works, and we we could get it "pitched" to someone who could make it happen. Of course, this is just my coffee and first pipe brain talking. Probly think better of it as the day moves along. But maybe not... Saul |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,CS Date: 16 Mar 12 - 09:00 AM "The 10 year old does not get along with her mother and angles every which way she can to also live here..." Well, maybe she's really unhappy in her own home and sees her grandmother's house as a safe and supportive place? I understand annoyance at the overage lodging stepson, but you're making a ten year old grandchild, sound a bit like some kinda dark serpent there B. After all she's yours too by virtue of marriage, whether you like it or not. Them's the breaks of second marriages I guess. Plus it sounds as though d-i-l is more savvy than you credited her for, if she's actually been saving all this time rather than simply wasting money on bottled water and videos as you imagined. Eh? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 16 Mar 12 - 09:53 AM I doubt seriously if they saved this money... I think that someone has been manipulated into loaning it to them... I mean, it's simple math here... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 16 Mar 12 - 02:06 PM "...the P-Vine and I are going to get stuck with the grand daughters whlie srep-ie and d-i-l go off???" Ahhh... "no". I'm with maeve... "no". Just say "no". I'll tell ya what kinda prick I CAN be when necessary. I'd tell the little boy that if he and the bride intened to leave kids and take off I would call Social Services and have them come to investigate the situation before thay had a chance to get out the door. Seriously, I would not let my ass hang in the breeze on that one. Somethin just don't smell right about ALL of this (and it ain't my ass). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Lizzie Cornish Date: 16 Mar 12 - 02:37 PM So, he has 2 kids who he won't support and when they come to stay he goes out with his girlfriend/wife/lover/sex object, who is little older than his own children. He wreaks havoc on his mother and doesn't give a damn about anyone, just so long as his nether regions are being attended to on a nightly basis... Put them in the trailer, wait until he's 'otherwise engaged in his nightly activities' then creep out, attach said trailer to your tractor and take it somewhere far, far away, out of mobile phone reach... Return tractor to garage, creep back into bed with P Vine, make her tea and toast in the morning and feign complete shock when she tells you the trailer is missing..... It's really getting better than 'DALLAS', Bobz! :0) xx |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Lizzie Cornish Date: 16 Mar 12 - 02:43 PM Actually, I don't know how to tell you this, but...they CAN'T leave, even if they now want to, because we can't wait for the next episode! ;0) Just keep yourself well throughout it all though.. x |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 16 Mar 12 - 02:46 PM Lizzie... hehehehee. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 16 Mar 12 - 03:23 PM Lizzie, I loves ya baby xxx ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 16 Mar 12 - 05:22 PM Believe me, Lizzie, we are on the same page... I did tell step-ie to take the kids and he has... Not too sure where they are as the story is that step-ie has a job interview... I know... Hahaha... Yo, Johnny Mac... The "b" word is forbidden from this thread... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 16 Mar 12 - 07:30 PM definitely a wacky reality show |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 16 Mar 12 - 08:26 PM ARE YA'LL SITTIN' DOWN??? Accordin' to step-ie the kids will be moved to fairyland by April 7th!!! Details later plus previously unreleased scenes... Hey??? What's so funny??? B:~) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: maeve Date: 16 Mar 12 - 08:33 PM Hallelujah |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 16 Mar 12 - 08:42 PM & the Director's cut, too? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: YorkshireYankee Date: 16 Mar 12 - 08:55 PM Waiting with 'bated breath... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Janie Date: 16 Mar 12 - 08:55 PM Trust the universe? Evenually all will be well. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 17 Mar 12 - 11:27 AM Well, seein' as the kids love nothin' more than keeping us in the dark I have no clue as to how they can pull this off... I can't think of anyone they haven't borrowed money from and the way I see it they will need $2000 minimum to move... Step-ie did get the job at Bonefish Grill but it doesn't start for 2 weeks???? I just don't know... What I do know, however, is that the P-Vine has had a belly full of d-i-l who has not lifted a finger since arriving other than to eat in bed and click the TV clicker... Oh well??? We'll see... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 17 Mar 12 - 11:44 AM Confiscate the batteries? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 17 Mar 12 - 12:07 PM It's their TV and clicker, Rich... The P-Vine really went off on the girl this morning for not helping clean up the kitchen that they (step-ie and the 3 girl children) trashed.. D-i-l just looked at he P-Vine as if the P-Vine was from Mars???? Poor step-ie has stepped in it here with this girl... No sex can be that good... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 17 Mar 12 - 01:09 PM Bobert... there actually are men who will pay money for sex... no cooking or cleaning or yard work or anything. Just sex. It's true. Read about it in the newspapers. The women are called substitutes, I think. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 17 Mar 12 - 01:50 PM Read it in the newspaper, Gn-ze??? Is that your final answer??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 17 Mar 12 - 02:01 PM I did not have sex with that substitute. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 17 Mar 12 - 02:21 PM These the ones g? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bill D Date: 17 Mar 12 - 02:23 PM Perhaps the job in "fairyland" has convinced someone to advance them the $$$. *shrug*...(waiting to see how the actual 'move' goes.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 17 Mar 12 - 02:26 PM 1966? Holy crap! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 17 Mar 12 - 02:31 PM Don't know, Bill??? I do know, however, that when the P-Vine gets fired up she gets real fired up... Whatever she said to the princess this morning must have pissed off step-ie because he has found someone to come get his kids - they have been here since Thursday night and were supposed to be here until tomorrow... D-i-l is at her coffee shop job so this afternoon will be interesting... This is not unlike step-ie with his mother... Loves them guilt trips... And for what??? Askin' the princess to help clean the kitchen she helped trash??? Are we having any fun yet??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bill D Date: 17 Mar 12 - 05:44 PM I think it is clear they are quite aware they have worn out their welcome. *grin* Even THEY see now that they had best do whatever it takes to get a place of their own. They got thru the Winter with you, and managed not to get tossed out on their ear...yet.... but Spring and the opening of that restaurant makes it easier to durn well move before the fit hits the shan. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 17 Mar 12 - 07:03 PM Well, looks as if the grand kids are still here and one of step-ie's brothers says that even though d-i-l says that they will be out on April 7th to give them a date anyway... Probably good advice... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 17 Mar 12 - 07:43 PM Give them a date? He set a date which seems reasonable at this point. Let sleeping dogs lie. If it doesn't happen you have options. The option you have right now is not stirring the shit pot. Take a breath and ride it out for a few more weeks. If it works out, yer golden. If not, kick ass. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 18 Mar 12 - 07:50 AM I'm just going to bring the date into casual conversation, Gn-ze... i'm still the 'good cop' in the equation but right now neither step-ie or d-i-l are speakin' with the P-Vine because the P-Vine called d-i-l "lazy"??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 18 Mar 12 - 08:59 AM The truth hurts Bobz. The P Vine told it like it is, and it looks like she hit the bullseye. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 18 Mar 12 - 01:57 PM "neither step-ie or d-i-l are speakin' with the P-Vine" Not speaking to the hand that feeds? That would be unacceptable to me. I would not be able to hold back from a man-to-man talk about that, including demanding he apologizes to his mother. But I suppose you are right... my mother always taught me to not let on that someone was getting under your skin, to never let them have a chance to do it again, and to never forget it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 18 Mar 12 - 02:13 PM The thot plickens. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 18 Mar 12 - 02:25 PM Well, step-ie and his 3 little girls have left to take the two youngest back to the ex... Things a tad funky around here... I think that step-ie has some idea that his mom is mad because step=ie has stepped into a monster shit-trap and he has to know it... I mean, this girl acts like a stuck up 14 year old... Everything is 100% about her.. Igave her one on my CDs a month ago but has she taken 45 minutes away from her precious TV watching to listen to it??? Heck no, she hasn't... I find that not only insensitive but down right disrespectful... But I'll play good cop as long as I can hold up if it means getting these children out.. B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 18 Mar 12 - 02:45 PM You gave her one of your CDs?! Tell her you need it back because just got an order from a buddy in New Brunswick. >;-) Ya know, I admire yer patience. I'da gone Wildebeeste long ago. Must be the weed that mellows you out, man. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 18 Mar 12 - 06:37 PM Lucky Bobert to have another home in Mudcat, does P-Vine have a similar circle of friends to talk to? sandra |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 18 Mar 12 - 08:21 PM I don't think you can insist she listens to your CD - but if she doesn't like it you could put it on repeat in your CD player and TURN IT UP! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 18 Mar 12 - 08:50 PM Good idea Richard, LOL. I like to think I would be as patient as you Bobert if I faced a comparable situation. It's clear that your love for P-Vine is your priority. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 18 Mar 12 - 10:39 PM Well, "the kids" returned from play day about 6 this evening and rather than say hey they made a bee line to their room... Then step-ie had to come down for something in the kitchen and tried to get there without the P-Vine or i knowin' it so the P-Vine, being the mother that she is, went in and told him that they could warm up some leftovers to which step-ie said "no thanks, I'm having some plumbing issues..." So the P-Vine and I went to bed but couldn't get to sleep so I just got up to see if yackin' to my friends might make me sleepy and sounds like Step-ie has recovered from plumbing issues as both are in their room watching tv an munching on stuff??? Musta been the 2 hour flu??? Actually, d-i-l is scared to be around the P-Vine now that the P-Vine called her a lazy child??? So there ya'll have it... Another chapter of "As Bobert's World Burns"... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 19 Mar 12 - 05:29 AM Yeah, direct them to your nearest food stamp office, and stick their beggin' hands out there.....and tell them to hit 'em up for housing, too! Jeez Bobert.....you should be delighted! that's right up your ally! GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 19 Mar 12 - 06:26 AM Correction: (from my previous post) "....that's right up your ally!" Should read: "..that's right up your alley!" GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 19 Mar 12 - 09:00 AM Well, GfinS, of course you are 100% correct... Unfortunately, this ain't us... We'll ride it out a little longer and see if we can come out of with "grace" and no regrets for how we handled things... BTW, ya'll... Step-ie has prepared a check list for the move and left it on the kitchen counter so... ...who knows??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 20 Mar 12 - 11:10 AM Anything to report? (I'm hooked!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 20 Mar 12 - 12:28 PM Bobert: "Well, GfinS, of course you are 100% correct... " Hey, maybe, just maybe, families will start to take care of each other, and that means the kids, as well, start taking care of their elder parents, and stop relying on the 'State'...imagine that! Naw, their priorities are 'texting' and hanging out at their parents place, 'cuz it's cheaper..and spending their money on their self indulgences, and 'toys'....but then we raised them that way, huh? GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 20 Mar 12 - 01:41 PM Well, Eb... Just for you... So since Step-ie and d-i-l quit using any of their money to put a few peas in the pot, yet have "saved" enough to supposedly put a deposit down on an apartment and continue to buy bottles water and sweets for themselves we have gone to buying the cheapest of cheap staples... Like $1.50 a box generic corn flakes... So, step-ie comes to me today with a statement to sign saying that they are contributing $250 a month toward food and household expenses so thar step-ie and d-i-l can get... ...drum roll here... ...Food Stamps??? Here's a Rush-head who hates the government, right??? Well, I signed the thing because I'm still in good cop mode but seein' as step-ie is punishing the P-Vine for calling his oldest daughter, opps, wife, "lazy" he's not talking with her so good luck on the other signature, step-ie... Meanwhile, to further punish the P-Vine the kids are trying to look as if they are on a hunger strike... Problem is that soon as we turn in at night they come out of their cell and eat and eat and eat??? I've been walking the P-Vine thru this little childish ballgame of theirs and we actually have concocted a counter-offense... Yesterday, while they were out trying to get money from the government they hate, the P-Vine called step-ie's ex and unbeknownst to step-ie and d-i-l, the grandkids can't come back here to visit until step-ie an d-i-l have moved... The reasoning is tight... When they cone here step-ie and d-i-l take them to the cell, everyone watches movies and eats and we don't see the grand youngins for 5 minutes over the entire weekend... If we go out they trash the house and then once they go back to their mom d-i-l refuses to clean up after the visit so the P-Vine and I get stuck with the clean-up... This is what brought the P-Vine to call d-i-l "lazy" in the first place??? Now here's today's kicker... Seems that step-ie used the kids on last year's tax return even though he didn't see them but a couple weekends and so he got a tax credit and large check from the government he hates of about $8000 in low income credits, etc... The I.R.S. didn't question - or hasn't to date - that aspect but is questioning $4000 in unemployment that the state of Georgia reported... Stepie says he didn't receive that much and is fighting the government that he hates over it... Hmmmmm??? Given the $900 the I.R.S. wants back verses opening that entire can of worms which could land step-ie in jail, a smarter step-ie might just work out a paymnet plan rather than go to jail by fighting with people he hates??? I donno??? So, Eb... How'd you like this installment of "As Bobert's World Burns"??? B:~) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 20 Mar 12 - 03:02 PM If this weren't happening to real people, Beaubear, it would be most entertaining. But itis real so it is not funny. I think you put your finger on it when you said d-i-l is acting 14 years old and step-ie - seeing as how it works - has joined her in that mindset. It appears that stepanddil are in a power play - just like 14-year olds - and since you won't play the game it has brought them to desperation. Incidentally, claiming to the authorities that they are contributing a monthly $250 to the household when they are doing nothing of the sort is illegal. Being a rushhead should inform them that making false claims is immoral in addition... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 20 Mar 12 - 03:15 PM Yeah, but he's gonna come up with the $250 a month, right? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: katlaughing Date: 20 Mar 12 - 03:22 PM Oh what a tangled web they weave! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 20 Mar 12 - 07:12 PM Hi Bobert, I know you might think that virtually anything I post, you'll want to 'take issue' with...however, it would seem to me, and seem to be fair, for all concerned, that 'punishing P-vine', while you two are extending your 'hospitality', so that they can facilitate fraud, is a bit beyond the pale! I, if it were me, would put my foot down, and give them an ultimatum....Knock it off, show some manners, some integrity, or get the fuck out.....this way, it gives THEM the choice to call their 'own' shots, or reap the consequences. if they are going to inhabit your home, you tell them you WILL NOT enable bad, rude, or dishonest behavior. You will not be intimidated, blackmailed, or pressured to extend any further 'charity' to them, if the persist in inappropriate, or fraudulent behavior, or if they attempt to take control of any sort, as long as they are under YOUR roof!....and resolve within yourselves, to give them the boot IMMEDIATELY unless they demonstrate respectful behavior, to you two, who are ASSISTING them through a difficult time...and let them know, that the decision is THEIRS. In other words, straighten up, fly right, or take it somewhere else, buckos! I think YOU and P-Vine have the home court advantage...and should not be subjected to their bullying tactics, just so they can manipulate you two, for their personal self indulgences (as I mentioned before). I wish you two the best of results! GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 20 Mar 12 - 08:05 PM Well, well well... Looks as if GfinS found a little sanity but even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then...lol... Yeah, we're on the same page here... I've been having to spend 1/2 hour to an hour every night with the P-Vine as Doc Bobert... I just finished my nightly session and left a chapter out of "I'm Okay, You're Okay" on transactional analysis hoping that she will stop falling for step-ie's ballgames... Meanwhile, let's all hope that step-ie's motor bike sells on ebay so that they will have the $$$ and then this chapter will be over and we will have gone the extra mile to help these children... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 20 Mar 12 - 08:11 PM Well, as per aforementioned, by me.....I was, and still am, a marriage and family counselor, (though I don't practice professionally any more)....and besides, you ol' fart..I love ya'! Good thing you didn't ask me what created this in the first place! Winkin' at ya'! GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 20 Mar 12 - 08:29 PM I have to say that signing a declaration that the spongers are paying you $250 per when they aren't would be perjury and/or conspiracy to defraud over here... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 20 Mar 12 - 09:04 PM Well, I signed it and told step-ie good luck on the "other signature"... Gotta keep my good cop badge clean here... Ain't no good if I am perceived as the enemy... Can effect more change in my groove... Hey, you work with crazy people for 15-17 years and you had better find a groove... For me, it's like riding a bike... Ain't gonna get sucked into anyone's ballgames... That is like a foreign language to the P-Vine but that's something that anyone who has worked in mental health knows and instinctually uses day to day... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Janie Date: 20 Mar 12 - 09:17 PM Gonna keep my lip zipped, Beaubear. Ya'll are the one's living the situation and only ya'll can decide how to deal with it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 20 Mar 12 - 09:28 PM "Ya'll" is of different minds, Janie... Me and the P-Vine, that is... She thinks I can fix things??? I ain't Oral Roberts... All I can do for now is not burn bridges and do what I can to move them along with a little grace and without judgment... If, in doing that, step-ie asks for my "opinions" then I can tell him that he has ruined his life without him thinking that's what I just told him... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: YorkshireYankee Date: 20 Mar 12 - 09:36 PM Wow, Bobert... just WOW! Seems to me that last update of yours could well make an A#1 case study on how the US has gotten into the fix it is in... Makes me think of my Dad, who used to teach Political Science at a local (i.e. Detroit-area) university. I still remember him telling me that on the first day of class he would ask, "So... since we're going to be talking about the government, what can you tell me about what impact the government has on your lives?" After all the complaints about taxes, regulations, etc, he would ask if they could think of anything the government does FOR them. Routinely, no-one could think of anything... so he would start asking questions about the roads they drove to school on that morning, the class they happened to be sitting in (offered by the (state-funded) uni), the public schools they attended when they were younger, the regulations concerning clean food and drinking water, and/or concerning the structural safety of the building they were sitting in, etc, etc, etc. (He did not tell them the government provides these things; he just kept asking questions until they started to realise themselves...) In general, the students were all acutely (bitterly, even) aware of the government's "negative" effects on them (taxes, "stupid" laws, etc.) and almost completely ignorant/unaware of the things they relied on every day without even thinking about them. And here's step-ie (and d-i-l?) who hate(s) the government (and would no doubt say it's largely because "their" tax money shouldn't go to help folks who don't "deserve" it), but/so(?) it's OK to lie, cheat the government (while letting others pay to support step-ie's kids) and break the rules, all the while expecting it to provide them with what they "need" (i.e. expensive bottled water & snack foods, an apartment in the upscale part of town, etc.) A bit like taking for granted everything Mom/Bobert do for them and getting angry if they are expected (and/or reminded) to contribute anything themselves... Absolutely breathtaking! No wonder we are in trouble, folks. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 20 Mar 12 - 09:44 PM Very well stated, YorkshireYankee... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 20 Mar 12 - 10:35 PM Be careful not to be complicit in anything that could be construed as illegal, or fraud.....or let yourself find out that you've been playing the blues in 'C' for years now..which you have been doing! Winkin', GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 21 Mar 12 - 05:35 AM this is compelling watching & I'm a person who does not have a TV & has never had one! you're doing an amazing job there, Bobert. Good luck to you & P-Vine sandra |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 21 Mar 12 - 07:51 AM Well, first of all, "C" is fir "chick"...Real men don't do no blues in "C"... lol... So, step-ie and d-i-l have done the math and step-ie now wants to put in a full day of housework... Well, not exactly "wants" but understands that the ice is thin... That's good thing... Or progress... I'm sure that he had to run it by "the princess" but he's crafty enough to get her to sign off on it... We'll see how that works out today as he stated that he's ready to get going early, as in 8:30 (am)... BTW, 8:30 (am) is very early for the kids... Might of fact, "am" is early for them... Meanwhile, he has 24 hours left on his motor scooter in ebay and if it sells then the kids will have the $$$ to move to fairyland so if anyone out there is lookin' for a high end (what else???) Piaggo 150 Fly motor scooter then bid, bid, bid... Stay tuned for the next chapter of "As Bobert's World Burns"... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 21 Mar 12 - 08:18 AM Motor scooter - Piaggio 150 Fly - under $3,000 new, top speed 61 and looks and sounds like a hairdryer? What sort of "high end" is that? I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than be seen on one of those. Won't he have to pay people to take it away? By the way Bobster, are you SURE it's on ebay. I only get one Piaggio up in a search on ebay.com in the motorcycle section and it's new and discounted so it ain't the scrounger's. If it is, post the item number and we can all drive him potty with silly questions... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: maeve Date: 21 Mar 12 - 08:44 AM Piaggo- There's one on Long Island,NY; one in West Chicago, Illinois; one in Monroe, NC at the moment. Maybe more; I stopped looking after the third one. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 21 Mar 12 - 08:47 AM Ah, that'll maybe explain it - the name is correctly Piaggio but perhaps the scrounger has listed it as Piaggo. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 21 Mar 12 - 09:40 AM The one in Monroe, NC is step-ie's... I ain't the scooter type but these compete with the Vespas in terms of quality... Step-ie is seeing the light and will be bringing his "reserve" price down today because my casual observation that if he doesn't sell it then he won't have the $$$ to move... Ain't rocker surgery here... BTW, Step-ie is cleaning... Now I get it... D-i-l had to open the coffee shop this morning so he figured he'd try to get some points while she was gone... Hmmmmmmm??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 21 Mar 12 - 10:27 AM Well Bobz, that's the answer to your previous question. The sex must be that good ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 21 Mar 12 - 10:31 AM With a 20 year old who more than likely never had a boyfriend until step-ie??? I doubt it... Womenz is like a fine wine... Better with some age on 'um... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 21 Mar 12 - 12:43 PM Bobert: "Well, first of all, "C" is fir "chick"...Real men don't do no blues in "C"... lol..." How come you can't comprehend the simple things in music?? 'A' Blues scale IS IN 'C' major! Try it..you'll like it!...You've been doing it all along anyway..you just didn't know it! 'E' Blues, in like manner, is in 'G' major! Ask any harmonica player!! Better yet, play a 'C' major scale over your 'A' Blues position...and surprise yourself....Oh my God....it's starting to sound like jazz!..but it's in key!!! Still chuckling at you....you 'chick'!! GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 21 Mar 12 - 12:53 PM Well, GfinS... I understand all that... I've played with more blues harp players than Carter has liver pills... heck, there are 4 different ones on the CD I just put out... I am a geetar player and played for years at the Archie Edwards Barbershop with dozens, maybe hundreds of women blues players and most of them loved playing blues in C... As in chick... Now back to the subject at hand... The motor scooter is inchin' its way toward our freedom... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 21 Mar 12 - 01:41 PM Quality? Vespa? PMSL. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 21 Mar 12 - 01:48 PM Yeah, Richard... It's purdy much a Vespa... Buy it!!! B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 21 Mar 12 - 02:12 PM Bobert: "Well, GfinS... I understand all that... I've played with more blues harp players than Carter has liver pills... heck, there are 4 different ones on the CD I just put out... " Why so many?...Nobody could find the right key you were in?????? Wink! GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 21 Mar 12 - 02:44 PM Haha... I tell them what harp to use and it always is the correct one... Right key, my butt!!! Now back to step-ie and d-i-l... The scooter is scooting on toward the end of the auction tomorrow morning... I think it's gonna sell but it would sho nuff be nice to see it gone and with, it's current owners... Though step-ie has put in about 3 good hours today... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Lizzie Cornish Date: 21 Mar 12 - 02:49 PM From Alan Prosser's FB page: "Don't let someone become a Priority in your life, when you are just an Option in theirs." I'm so ashamed of this man. 40+ years old and he's behaving like this. His Mum should kick him out and tell him never to darken her door step again. Just because she's his son does NOT give him the right to behave like this. His young wife is irrelevant really. It is her son who is the one who has brought all of this on to you Bobert. He doesn't care about his children. He doesn't care about his ex-wife. He doesn't care about his mother. Is there something wrong with him? Or, is he just an Absolute Bastard? If he were my child I'd kick him out. It would break my heart to be used in such a way. I think getting you to sign for the $250 was the final straw in his despicable nature, to be honest. He has no self-respect, no pride, no love for his children..and a man who won't support his children, CHOOSES not to support them, I presume to 'get at his ex-wife' is the lowest of the low in my book. Personally, I'd not believe a word he says. He's untrustworthy and utterly selfish... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Lizzie Date: 21 Mar 12 - 02:50 PM Oops...'just because HE is her son' that should read.. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 21 Mar 12 - 03:10 PM "I think getting you to sign for the $250 was the final straw in his despicable nature, to be honest. He has no self-respect, no pride, no love for his children.." Well, now, hang on a minute. Maybe he is doin it as a last resort, no matter how he got in the position he's in. My post regarding this was a joke which I thought was obvious. Scratcin a dollar out of the government (which spends billions on war and yer ferriner "aid") when yer hard put ain't necessarily despicable... it might be a matter of "doin what ya gotta do". Yeah, I know he ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but you ain't inside his head. Maybe the boy is just stunned as me arse. To wit, so far... it's either that or he is a lazy, manipulative... right, enough of that. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 21 Mar 12 - 03:24 PM Well. Lizzie, you are 100% correct on all fronts... He is in denial.. He has screwed up his life and in doing so is screwing up his kids lives as well as the life of his barely-20-year-old wife who was still living at home when they meat 1 1/2 ago... Yes, he has some severe emotional problems that he can hide fairly well... All in all, we have done the right thing... I'm just praying that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train coming at us... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Lizzie Cornish Date: 21 Mar 12 - 03:25 PM You don't treat your parent/parents this way, gnu. You either love them, in which case you do all you can to help them. Or you don't give a darn about them, for whatever reason, in which case you simply stay right away from them. What you don't do is *use* them, and allow your lazy young wife to be rude, lazy and insolent to the very people who are keep a roof over her head. Sorry, but men who don't pay for the financial support of their children sicken me. I don't care what his ex-wife is like, he is the father of his children and therefore deeply responsible for them. How do you think it will make his children feel about themselves, knowing their father doesn't want to support them? It will affect them all their lives. And he's been talking of having more children with his new wife.. ???? This man needs a serious kick up the backside, as does the little madam he married. He's causing pain all round to a helluva lot of people whilst only thinking of himself and the sex he gets from his little Doll.. Ship out, mate..and take her with you.. I know times are hard, but hell, you all pull together, or not at all, and he's chosen the 'not at all' part...therefore, he's forfeited his Mother's love, in my book. You NEVER abuse Love, ever. He's got many lessons to learn. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Lizzie Cornish Date: 21 Mar 12 - 03:39 PM "..I'm just praying that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train coming at us..." Don't you go getting ill because of all this, Bobz, your beloved P-Vine too..OK? You make sure that if it gets to where that train whistle can be heard, you take the plane instead... xx |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 21 Mar 12 - 03:49 PM LC... you missed my point by a mile. Your "reply" to me made no sense as a reply to MY post. Totally disconnected. Don't bother to attempt to unjustify my post a second time. It's not warranted in the least. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 21 Mar 12 - 06:28 PM Bobert: "Haha...I tell them what harp to use and it always is the correct one... Right key, my butt!!!" You play a harmonica with your butt???????? I guess you'd have to eat a lot of beans earlier, huh? Hey, If i want ANY shit from you, I'll just squeeze your head! or Hey, If i want ANY shit from you, I'll just lift the top of your head off, and scoop it out! You can use 'em! Regards, GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 21 Mar 12 - 06:42 PM Ahhh... wtf? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 21 Mar 12 - 07:18 PM There's a reason, gn-ze, why GfinS is a ***former*** counselor... Ya' see, she has these spells... Kinda like Turrets Syndrome where she is boppin' along makin' some sense and then... Bang!!!... Things go bad for her... BTW, for the few folks who have canceled their high dollar satellite service in lieu of "As Bobert's World Burns" here is the latest chapter... Lizzie, you might need to either skip this one or have a stiff drink in front of you but... ...for the last few days the P-Vine and step-ie have not been talking because of the 'lazy' comment but today, with the work he did, there was an opportunity, though short lived, for them to talk and apparently d-i-l is demanding an... ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((drum roll))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) ...an apology from the P-Vine?????????????????????????????????????? Well, the P-Vine got a call so I walked out the door with the phone just in time to hear her say to step-ie, "No!!! She owes me an apology.." So I handed her the phone, step-ie walked back in the house and that was that and now step-ie and d-i-l are once again sequestered in their cell to plot the next move... Me??? I got cold beer and looks as if I'm the only one in the house who everyone trusts... That's about it for now, folks... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 21 Mar 12 - 07:25 PM P-Vine right. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 21 Mar 12 - 07:55 PM I agree, Richard, and if the kids come to me I have the entire story mapped out in my head that is "just the facts" and can be delivered in a non-threatening manner... But they will have to come to me... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 21 Mar 12 - 08:03 PM Demanding an apology? Goodness gracious you are stoic. To the point that I would almost tell you if you don't the little bitch's ass... agggghhhhhhhh! Un***ingfreal. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: katlaughing Date: 21 Mar 12 - 08:11 PM Bobert, I am glad P-Vine has you. You're doing so well with such an intolerable situation. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 21 Mar 12 - 08:16 PM Right now I have one "Get Out of Jail" card... Sure, I can go hard-ass and lose that card, which might be the difference between getting them out peacefully or by force... I heard the part of the conversation where d-i-l wants an apology from the P-Vine... I wasn't part of it... I overheard just a smidge of the conversation... Listen, gn-ze... I spent 17 years in social work and I'm playin' this smart on all 3 fronts... Everyone would love for me to jump into the soup... No thanks... The soup is a trap... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 21 Mar 12 - 08:38 PM wise Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: YorkshireYankee Date: 21 Mar 12 - 10:52 PM Been thinking of/about this thread -- on & off -- all day; it occurred to me that step-ie & d-i-l's attitude can be summed up in a phrase I've heard my husband mention (think it might be well-known over here): What's yours is mine; what's mine's me own... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 22 Mar 12 - 07:22 AM Well yeah, Y-Yankee... They have been using our limited resources to meet their need and theirs to meet their wants... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 22 Mar 12 - 11:04 AM That's a great line: "They have been using our limited resources to meet their need and theirs to meet their wants..." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: katlaughing Date: 22 Mar 12 - 12:11 PM Triangulation is never a good thing to get into. You are doing great, Bobert! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 22 Mar 12 - 01:39 PM Bobert... that's why I said "almost tell you..." I know you are doing the right thing. I've commended you for it in other posts. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 22 Mar 12 - 02:18 PM I reiterate It's great advice...otherwise you are enabling bad behavior. Best Wishes! GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 22 Mar 12 - 03:06 PM Bobert, seeing all the tight-rope walking you're doing and the exceptional flexibility you're using to survive in and manage this situation, I suggest you are now well qualified for 1st string work with Cirque du Soleil. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 22 Mar 12 - 05:25 PM Well, well, well... Seems that step-ie's motor scooter did not sell...Bummer... So he asked my advice and actually followed in relisting it with no "reserve"... So I went to check and found that here is entire section in ebay for motot scooters and he's had it listed as "motorcycles, other" so I advised him to move it in with other like objects which he has now done... D-i-l, meanwhile, refuses to come out of her room until the P-Vine apologizes for calling her lazy??? But she did find time pull another fainting spell last night for step-ie... Is this fun, or what??? B:~) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Lizzie Cornish Date: 22 Mar 12 - 08:02 PM Try hammering 12" nails into D-i-lly's door..when she's on the inside.. ;0) P-Vine, repeat after me.. "IF you think you're getting a fooking apology from me, you Spoilt Little Brat, you can take a hike!" Next time she starts to faint, just say "Yup, looks like you're gonna faint! Tea, anyone?" And go into the next room..thus removing her audience and making her dramatics useless... Failing this, build yourselves a little padded cell somewhere in the garden, take a dozen bottles of something very strong and delicious, guaranteed to cause hiccups and/or singing and refuse to come out until they've gone......... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 22 Mar 12 - 08:11 PM Hey Bobster - I did read "I'm OK, You're OK" once, years ago (don't go there, nagging woman issue) and the step ie is playing "poor me" and "yes but" with that scooter, no? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 22 Mar 12 - 08:23 PM Love the nailing the door shut idea, Lizzie... It's priceless... Other than the cost of the nails, of course... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 23 Mar 12 - 05:17 PM Looking forward to today's instalment. Bobert, you guys oughta start your own reality TV show. Make this craziness pay. Think of the revenues from merchandizing alone: Your own line of kick-their-asses shoes, rose-coloured glasses, "I'm only acting like a spoiled child" t-shirts, d-i-l dolls (whoa, say that fast and it sounds x-rated), the list goes on as long as the imagination. When this mess finally gets sorted, you'll all be famous and can each start your own separate TV show. The beginning of an empire, I can feel it... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 23 Mar 12 - 05:20 PM It all started so optimistically ;-( |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,CS Date: 23 Mar 12 - 05:37 PM I dunno BB I'm deffo in a minority here, but if the d-i-l suffers from Lymes disease, then she may very well faint from over-exertion. You might not believe that she's sick, but it doesn't mean that she isn't sick - and working - unlike the son in law. IF you both chose to let them off paying you anything so they could save, then you chose that. And they've saved - or so it would seem. Three months Adult step-kid rebound isn't worth freaking out over I reckon. Sure it's changed things a bit for a little while, but hey ho, that's the joy of family! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,CS Date: 23 Mar 12 - 05:40 PM Reframe innit! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reframing |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 23 Mar 12 - 07:33 PM Well, well, well... Yeah, we've been having so much fun that I haven't had half a chance to write the latest installment... So, here... Have at it... So, first of all, it's good thing that the P-Vine doesn't have a gun or the fun 'n games might have entered into a new phase... She is downright cranky and keeps yelling at me as if I have some magic wand that I can wave over these children which will give them good judgment, sensitivity, intelligence, wisdom, etc... I keep having to remind her that it beteer for me to keep some level of communications open than to burn the bridge, throw up my hands and scream "screw it"... So, step-ie has been hired as a waiter at a new Bonefish Grill up in Fairyland, NC where he an Princess D-i-l plan on living and... ...he begins training tomorrow!!! Hey, that's progress... And they are going to ***actually*** pay him (around $9 an hour) so that if he trains for 2 weeks they will have enough $$$ to move to Fairyland... Meanwhile, d-i-l spent 3 hours out of her room this afternoon and the lovebirds went for a walk in the woods... Great!!! As fir her having (or not) Lyme Disease??? The girl is anorexic... She is 5'11" and may weigh 110 pounds... She does not eat anything green... No veggies... She has been diagnosed in the past with anemia... Do the math??? Tonight, the kids decided to take over the P-Vine's kitchen... Step-ie knew that his mom had bought us some fresh cod but they took over the kitchen??? I didn't get that??? But soon as they got their supper ready they loaded it, as per usual, and headed to their cell.. Meanwhile, the motor scooter is relisted on ebay and should end tomorrow with low reserve... Who knows??? Did I mention that I'm thankful that the P-Vine doesn't have a gun??? And, my friends, this has been another chapter of... ..."As Bobert's World Burns" B:~) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 24 Mar 12 - 12:53 AM Hmmm....methinks before you find yourself frustrated at all this, you might ask yourself, how in the world did this happen, and what precipitated it. It should be after some moments of brutal honesty, can you begin to see the ambiance in the home, brought in by the 'elders' may have played a huge role in it...and why they have such a hard time correcting it. You have already posted HUGE clues...but I've been holding fire....for a LONG time....but, it's in your posts. Regards, You ol' Fart, GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 24 Mar 12 - 07:56 AM Well, I'm okay with the decision to invite step-ie and (girl friend at the time) here to get their lives in order... No regrets... It was the correct thing to do then and, in spite of the fin ' games, it still is... But then again my many years in social work well prepared me for all that is going on... Might of fact, I like people who are a tad "off"... The poor P-Vine, however, now falls squarely in the middle of the "tad off" category and I'm spending a lot of time gluing her back together... I just learned that training may be just this one day??? Hmmmmm??? How are the kids going to get moved??? Here's hoping that the scooter sells today... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: maeve Date: 24 Mar 12 - 08:58 AM You and the lovely P-Vine are doing a great job getting through a challenging time, Bobert. If I had the money I'd buy that scooter just to help move things along. S'pose I could haul firewood with it? Maeve |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Jeri Date: 24 Mar 12 - 09:02 AM Bobert, forgive me but your "good cop" comes off as passive-aggressive, I-don't-wanna-deal. The P-vine is stuck being the only honest grown-up. You're supposed to have her back--is it any wonder she's "downright cranky and keeps yelling at me as if I have some magic wand..." Perhaps the "magic wand" is just honesty. It's NOT "fun 'n games" and you're forcing her to be the only person with a shred of responsibility. If she gets her hands on a gun, YOU'D better be out of range. ...which is maybe something close to a prelude to what GfS isn't saying. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 24 Mar 12 - 09:12 AM Well, I have two choices: blow up everything or... ...not... If I blow up everything then the P-Vine and I lose our source of information... I am kinda a spy here... And I have step-ie's trust and without it he wouldn't even be trying to sell his scooter.. It's not like I'm not working here... I'm probably working harder than anyone else... I'm just working with my brains and not my emotions... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 24 Mar 12 - 09:55 AM Is "Lyme's disease" an internet diagnosis or does it come from a doctor? As a topic it seems to be very full of controversy! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 24 Mar 12 - 10:06 AM First of all, there is no diagnosis of Lyme Disease in d-i-l... These kids seems to be hypochondriacs... Every day it's another medical problem with one or both of them... Secondly, there is some controversy in general within the medical profession about Lyme Disease... Some say that it stays with you forever in a low grade form and others say once treated it's gone??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Midchuck Date: 24 Mar 12 - 10:10 AM Is "Lyme's disease" an internet diagnosis or does it come from a doctor? As a topic it seems to be very full of controversy! Actually, it's "Lyme Disease", and there is controversy, but I'm not sure why. It's a fairly minor deal IF you catch it early, but it often isn't caught early. And a couple years later, you get some fairly miserable symptoms that are hard to treat. I studied on it some because Mizchuck had it, and we were lucky enough that our doc did catch it early. P. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 24 Mar 12 - 07:01 PM If this girl has Lyme Disease that I'm the pope... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 24 Mar 12 - 07:12 PM Do you **** in the woods? My Father can play dominoes better than your Father caaan. Oh no he canaannn't. Let's have a tournamennnnnt. Okay, I'll get the dominooooes. Sorry, Joe. But my bro loved tht one. I miss him. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 24 Mar 12 - 08:52 PM If there is no medical diagnosis then I would be surprised if Lyme disease were present. Many doctors are tosspots, but they are more often right than wrong. It is a divergence, but the derivation of the name is as follows "The disease is named after the town of Lyme, Connecticut, USA, where a number of cases were identified in 1975. Although Allen Steere realized that Lyme disease was a tick-borne disease in 1978, the cause of the disease remained a mystery until 1981, when B. burgdorferi was identified by Willy Burgdorfer." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 25 Mar 12 - 02:30 AM Jeri, Your post was both constructive and insightful...that being said, these family dynamics, are the trickle down effect from the ambiance in the home, created by the interaction, and exploited by all the 'players' whose priorities are their 'comfort zone', and doing as much to have that 'zone' met by others, through expectations, rather than extending OUT of their comfort zone, to meet the NEEDS of anyone's but their own...that, in turn, foments a 'sense of entitlement'...and to meet that sense, manipulations through emotions, disappointment and fear of disillusionment, leaves a gaping hole in the confidence, for taking responsibility. I found this a wonderfully entertaining, revealing thread on the subject When you get to the first page, scroll to the bottom, and work up. Can you see a 'sense of entitlement' vs. the emotional needs of a woman, at play here.....just wondering... Keeping it constructive.....(we can all learn and benefit) GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 25 Mar 12 - 04:48 AM I don't understand a word of that, GfS - but then I often find that from your posts. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 25 Mar 12 - 09:16 AM Psycho-babble, Richard... I mean she is the guest from insanity, right??? But no matter... This ain't about GfinS... So, I was mistaken about the end-time on Srep-ie's scooter auction... It is around 11:00 am (2 hours from now) and I have a better feeling this time about it selling... I do think that the two little talks I've had with him about wants/needs is working, at the very least, with this auction... So, let's pray and hope that this gets done because I know that if it does that they will be moving on to fairyland where mean ol' P-Vine ain't gonna call the princess "lazy"... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 25 Mar 12 - 12:54 PM “These family dynamics, are the trickle down effect from the ambiance in the home, created by the interaction, and exploited by all the 'players' whose priorities are their 'comfort zone', and doing as much to have that 'zone' met by others, through expectations, rather than extending OUT of their comfort zone, to meet the NEEDS of anyone's but their own...that, in turn, foments a 'sense of entitlement'...and to meet that sense, manipulations through emotions, disappointment and fear of disillusionment, leaves a gaping hole in the confidence, for taking responsibility.â€쳌 Impressive. Is this kind of what is being said? These family dynamics are the result of the atmosphere created in the home by the family’s interactions. Family members whose comfort zones are the most important of all things have learned to manipulate the other members of the family to leave them in them. Having manipulated the family into leaving their comfort zones intact, these family members develop a sense of entitlement and never take responsibility for their actions. ? I dunno. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 25 Mar 12 - 01:31 PM Mum wouldn't say shit if she had a mouthful. And, she didn't learn that whilst obtaining her doctorate in psych at some fancy uni. She learned that growing up in house with 5 sisters, 3 brotrhers, parents, grandmother and an uncle... and anyone else who NEEDED help. I'll say it again... I know Bobert is doin right BUT I don't know if I could put up with the arrogance and insolance. "Lazy" is a pretty mild term in my books for the little |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 25 Mar 12 - 02:04 PM Well, well, well... Looks as if the motor scooter is SOLD!!! Yup, if things go as planned the buyer will be here in less than an hour with CASH and it is sufficient amount to get the princess her own little rented castle in fairyland... Step-ie had to come to me to walk him thru some strategies this morning and to basically give him "permission"... That's progress... Now, providing the deal gets done, it will be interesting how quickly Step-ie moves to pull off the move... I'm betting they will be out next weekend or soon afterwards... TBTG... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 25 Mar 12 - 02:09 PM Great news! And, well done, Bobert. Hehehee... if it was me, I'd be tempted at a few parting shots but I know you won't burn any bridges. Saaay, that's another old adage that fits wisely and isn't a buzz phrase at uni. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 25 Mar 12 - 02:51 PM "Next weekend"? I'm with you on that. Unless they come "home" in the next day or two with a certificate permitting them to open a surefire business that will require them to stay with you just a leetle longer. :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 25 Mar 12 - 03:16 PM Ebbie! Tsk tsk! But, ya know... >;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: katlaughing Date: 25 Mar 12 - 04:29 PM Make sure the princess doesn't get her hands on the cash! Great news!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 25 Mar 12 - 06:37 PM and make sure that this reality soap opera ENDS never to be revived or repeated after they go (change the locks? change phone number & email addresses?) sandra |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Crowhugger Date: 25 Mar 12 - 08:11 PM Fingers crossed. Toes too! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 25 Mar 12 - 09:10 PM Well, the P-Vine and I just returned from the evening with one of her other two (normal) sons and all went according to plan with the sale of the scooter... April 7th seems to be the target date for the move!!! I did learn tonight while drivin' home from normal sons that Step-ie had asked the P-Vine to remove a picture of Step-ie's ex-wife on their wedding day that has Step-ie, the ex and the P-Vine in it... The picture is on our bedroom dresser, gol danged it... I told the P-Vine to put it back up??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 25 Mar 12 - 10:08 PM BTW, no plans to repeat this experience, thank you... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 26 Mar 12 - 02:14 AM ROFLMAO!!! Repeat???.....Chances are, it's going to follow you....unless you do something about the interaction. But what do I know?....Talking to folks who can't conceive of the mechanisms and causes and effect of 'empathy'..or see their place in it. If this was 'in love'..why was it a problem? If not, what did you expect?.....Selflessness, for your convenience? And why then bring it up? I know, I know...'psycho-babble'..an 'easy out' to ignore and look the other way..blame somebody else. Waving with a Smile, GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 26 Mar 12 - 08:55 AM Yer on a roll, GfinS... I mean, your post reminds me of the double chocolate brownie that Starbucks sell except in this case it double-psycho-babble... lol... But as me if I expected anything else from you??? Waving back atcha from outside the fence surrounding the state mental hospital... No matter... D-i-l had to open the coffee shop today and Step-ie went with her... What do you think the odds are that he's on his way to fairyland to secure the castle for the princess??? I'd put the odds at 100 to 1 which means another step closer to for me to re-secure the castle for my princess... lol... BTW, once everything seems to be in the "history" column, I do have this little "exit" talk planned for Step-ie si that he will better understand the importance of the 6th commandment... But for now, it's one day at a time and the next 4 will be in the western mountains at the P-Vine's sister's cabin... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 26 Mar 12 - 09:58 AM BTW... Just got an email from Step-ie telling me that d-i-l works until noon and then they are off to fairyland to "take care of some business"... BTW, Part 2... I do appreciate everyone's input, support, advice, consternations, etc... It has made it a lot easier... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 26 Mar 12 - 02:18 PM Bobert is expressing the same thoughts, in regards to 'his' castle, and the kids sucking off them, the same way the 'Tea Party' speaks of what is going on, with the 'so called liberal' agenda sucking off the national castle!...hmmm, How's it feel, cowboy?....Now we find out that Bobert is a closet conservative????..or just that his generosity for the 'poor' only extends when its allocating OTHER people's money and resources. Something to consider.....when you're not focusing on YOUR scamming! Still waving! GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 26 Mar 12 - 02:38 PM A detailed and patient job of manipulative trolling, yet again. my pants are off to you. Now, run along and stop the insults and personal attacks. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 26 Mar 12 - 03:14 PM I DON'T BELIEVE INSANITY CLAUSES |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 26 Mar 12 - 04:10 PM Neither do I..but I'm not the one making up lame excuses of not wanting to help my kids, while the kids are manipulating my household! So, I guess you're yappin' at someone else. GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 26 Mar 12 - 04:48 PM So you come down chimneys then? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 26 Mar 12 - 05:11 PM Great comeback, John...now get back to Sesame Street...you'll miss Miss Piggy, and not give you fantasies for your sex life! Grow up! GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 26 Mar 12 - 05:14 PM Lighten up sonny |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 26 Mar 12 - 06:05 PM Ignore the troll. It simply craves attention and gets it's jollies by trying to wind people up. It can do that on the internut if encouraged. If it did that in a bar, it would end up out the door on it's ass and that's just too long and hard to do in cyberspace. A waste of time. Let the troll spew. With every post, it lessens itself in everyone's eyes and, if ignored, will simply crawl back under the bridge where it belongs. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 26 Mar 12 - 07:14 PM Fitting end to this chapter with GfinS burning down the house... Gotta love it, folks... Nothin' like some fireworks at the end of the day... BTW, GfinS... The reason you are wavin' so much is to try to keep the smoke off you... B:~) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 26 Mar 12 - 10:37 PM LMAO...Burning what?..as soon as the truth came out, we got inundated with a bunch of immature bitches, and feeble attempts of insults. Not my fault there is a shortage of comprehension or wit..or even a sense of reality, with many of the posters. Scroll down and read them....Jeez, Jeri's is the only one with anything that resembled 'insight'....look it up! GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 26 Mar 12 - 10:45 PM Okay, so Jeri says that I'm passive aggressive because I'm using my best social worker skills to get these people out of our house??? Well, it worked... We all have different styles... I have found Roger-ian (Carl Rogers) to work for me... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 26 Mar 12 - 11:59 PM There is nothing immature or unprofessional about Bobert's handling of the situation. He is aware that after all this has blown over Step-ie will still be the P-Vine's beloved son and a hard-to-forgive blowup would help nobody. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 27 Mar 12 - 12:21 AM There you guys go, AGAIN!....Stuffing words in my posts, that I NEVER said, nor implied....then you get 'pissy' at me! I merely posted that the root of the problem COULD be addressed. You were the ones who spun out of control! Jeez! GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: John MacKenzie Date: 27 Mar 12 - 03:28 AM Ain't it a bummer when your pearls of wisdom fall on deaf ears? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 27 Mar 12 - 05:08 AM I eagerly await the finale |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: JennieG Date: 27 Mar 12 - 06:30 AM Bobert, I admire you - you seem to be coping with the situation and keeping your sense of humour, although it must wear thin at times. Best wishes to you and P-Vine for a happy peaceful life when this sorts itself out. Cheers JennieG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 27 Mar 12 - 07:58 AM Well, Step-ie spent a good half an hour last night with his mom and even though he didn't give up anything on the emotional side, it was a first good step... They have reserved a rental truck for next Friday and plan on being moved the following Saturday... So, 12 more days... I'm not too sure when I'll have my little "exit talk" with him but I have it organized in my mind and don't think he will be threatened by it but he does need to understand the "DNA thing between mothers and their sons"... If I can whittle that square peg into Step-ie's round hole then that will be some movement on his part... Meanwhile, we're off to the mountains of Western Carolina for three or four days... Thanks all... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: freda underhill Date: 27 Mar 12 - 08:34 AM hi Bobert, just reading all this for the first time tonight. Passive aggressive? no way. I remember reading earlier on in this thread that both the P-Vine and stepie wanted you to talk to the d-i-l about her princess behaviour. What a trap that would have put you into - you would've been Bad Bobert. Instead, you played cool until P-Vine couldn't handle it any more and did the dirty work. and that's how it should be, because She's the Ma-in-law and it's Her son who's bought the Princess in (btw, my son bought a princess home for a while, but I was the one who went + hid in my room). But there's one thing that needs rightin' before they move out........ Why not revive those old Mudcat Commandos (I can see gnu in there with a fist or two) and take the steppie down to the local male sexual health clinic for a quick snip?! That'll fix any ongoing concerns about extra mouths to feed, and as he already has some kids, he can tell the princess her Lyme disease may have made her infertile. In the meantime, create a roster and put her on the bathroom cleanup. best regards freda |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 27 Mar 12 - 09:10 AM Yeah, the boy needs a snippin', for sure, freda... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: freda underhill Date: 27 Mar 12 - 12:52 PM :-D |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 27 Mar 12 - 03:57 PM Bobert! STOP THAT! I don't read the troll's posts anymore. Neither should you, nor anyone else that has read the previous insinuations and personal attacks and thinks the troll is a troll. Such shite can only be ignored by readers or deleted by a Mudelf. If you ain't an elf, ignore it. It WILL go away. As for "fists", no. Ya can't do that on the internut. Here, your fist is simply not reading a troll's posts. Even if ya DO read em, ya don't acknowledge em. On accounta the troll's posts are it's downfall. And they are in writing, forever, for everyone to read and judge. Trolls can say whatever they want and they do. But, anyone who takes their last post as "true" without reading back is just being controlled by a troll. I expect just about all real Mudcatters know that but trolls are just too fucked up in the head to give up their obsession. How's that for some psycho-shit? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 27 Mar 12 - 08:38 PM I can't help myself, gn-ze... Kinda like lookin' at a car wreck as you pass by it... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 27 Mar 12 - 09:33 PM I understand, Bobert. When a troll yangs on ya, ya just wanna fight back. But that's what the troll wants... attention. The attention it seeks is from you reponding, no matter how you respond. The only reason I posted about it was because it got personal and it attacked you. Fuck with me is one thing, fuck with my friends is another. Seriously, I am 99.9% sure nobody gives two shits from Tuesday about what some psycho-troll thinks about how you dealt with your situation. To have this thread turn into it being about a troll is just wrong. IGNORE THE TROLL. Don't even read the posts. Trust me. Now, there were other posts which were constructive and worthy of consideration. Jeri's posts are an example. But, the troll used them as a launchpad for a personal attack which was slow, calcuated, manipulative and determined... and thinly disguised in it's agenda and ultimately ended in an all out personal attack on your character. Fuckin pissed me off to no end. That's why I said what I said. But... that is what trolls do. Piss you off... for fun. Sick, but true. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 27 Mar 12 - 09:41 PM I ain't offended by none of it, gn-ze... Heck, you'd have to know the P-Vine... She's got a PhD in needling me... When you been needled by her the wantabees ain't squat... But thanks fir going balls to the wall fir this ol'hillbilly... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 27 Mar 12 - 10:06 PM gnu, Unfortunately YOU don't seem to be able to differentiate between realistic insights, and 'personal attacks'....if you did, you certainly ignored all of them that were aimed at myself and others, who beg to differ with alternative political opinions. GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 27 Mar 12 - 10:26 PM I hear a buzzing sound. Do you hear that? Kinda like a skeeter that won't come close enough to swat until you get to sleep. Very fucking annoying insect the skeeter, innit? It just won't go away until it gets blood. It relly sucks. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 27 Mar 12 - 10:31 PM I hear something buzzin' Can it be my honey bee Oh, I hear somethin' buzzin' Can it be my honey bee Well, I don't mind you sailin' Just sail on home to me... B:~) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 27 Mar 12 - 11:04 PM Do cuckoos eat mosquitos? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 27 Mar 12 - 11:10 PM Ask GfS. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 27 Mar 12 - 11:20 PM gah new! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 27 Mar 12 - 11:23 PM In the words of the phophet Let it be... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 27 Mar 12 - 11:55 PM The 'so-called liberals' are just up-tight because their trip is winding down..so now they are calling everyone who was hip to them every name they can come up with. Hey guys, it's NOT my fault that the liberal agenda's wheels are coming undone...I warned you, before. GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 28 Mar 12 - 03:08 AM * I would be embarrassed not to be an environmentalist - it is, after all, where I live. * I would be embarrassed not to be a liberal-See if you can ascertain which of these groups of qualities I would aspire to? This one: "cautious, moderate, tending to preserve the status quo, bourgeois, constant, controlled, conventional, die-hard, fearful, firm, fogyish, fuddy-duddy, guarded, hard hat, hidebound, holding to, illiberal, in a rut, inflexible, middle-of-the-road, not extreme, obstinate, old guard, old line, orthodox, quiet, reactionary, redneck, right of center, right-wing, sober, stable, steady, timid, traditional, traditionalistic, unchangeable, unchanging, uncreative, undaring, unimaginative, unprogressive, white bread" Or this one: "Progressive, advanced, avant-garde, broad, broad-minded, catholic, enlightened, flexible, free, general, high-minded, humanistic, humanitarian, indulgent, intelligent, interested, left of center, lenient, libertarian, magnanimous, permissive, radical, rational, reasonable, receiving, receptive, reformist, tolerant, unbiased, unbigoted, unconventional, understanding, unorthodox, unprejudiced" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 28 Mar 12 - 03:21 AM Beauty is in the eye of the beholder......so is ugly. It's all how you see yourself...whether or not everyone else thinks so, is up to them. Trying to be young, idealistic, hip, etc, etc, for too long, just gets old. Worse when only you see it that way..... GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 28 Mar 12 - 09:30 AM Forget the usual sidebar... The P-Vine and I have escaped the Step-ie 'n Princess madness and comfortably hanging out here in the mountains in the P-Vine's sister's cabin outside of Boone, NC... No tensions... No games... No nuthin'... When we get back it will only be 7 days until "free, free, free at last..." B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 28 Mar 12 - 10:53 AM Apart from cleaning up when you get back. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 28 Mar 12 - 11:34 AM Have a great, relaxing, stress-free vacation, Bobert. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 28 Mar 12 - 12:48 PM You mean you'd rather be chased out of P-Vine's house, than deal directly with it???? Is she she to have drive there too?? Great having a 'man' around the house, huh? You might have 'peace' and quiet for the time being, but you know, as well as I, that this isn't over..just put off. ...and Bobert, don't think for a moment that I am 'against' you, in this matter...but sooner or later, you'll figure out that the bond between mom and son is a lot deeper than 'convenient' for you. GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 28 Mar 12 - 01:54 PM It is sad to think that a person – a self-proclaimed former counselor (former, because booted out, no doubt about it – can be so deluded and off the mark as to draw the conclusions that person has done. Even though I seldom agreed with that person I had not thought of him as a troll. I have changed my mind – unless, perhaps, there is a more accurate description for that flailing behavior |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 28 Mar 12 - 02:47 PM Ebbie... you didn't? You need "Trolldar". I haven't read any of it's recent posts but seeing that it still posting after it was pointed out quite clearly in it's own and other's posts that it is indeed a troll - an unwelcome, nasty troll - only confirms that you need Trolldar. Enjoy your time away from the stress, Bobert. A change is as good as a rest, eh? Say HI to Bigfoot for me and Dan. Oh... yeah... get his emali addy for Dan - Dan's been looking for him for a while. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 28 Mar 12 - 03:39 PM trolldar A trolldar (or 'troll radar') is the feeling one has when they suspect they are being fed false information just to provoke a response (also known as 'trolling'). Hmmmmm I hadn't suspected it. :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 28 Mar 12 - 04:05 PM Well, Ebbie, in this case, it goes far beyond that. If you follow the time-line : It was all warm and fuzzy. Then it alluded to what it COULD say on a highly professional level. It supported it's believabilty by unsupported credentials. Then it spewed some unitelligible ambigouous shite. Then it got nassty. I jumped in and told it POLITELY to fuck off and leave Bobert alone (more than once). I stopped reading it's posts so I don't really know where it went from there. It is a professional troll. As I said before... calculated and patient. Like a cat stalking prey. Seen it do the same things before. BTW, the reason I use "it" when referring to it? I know that pisses it off. And I cannot throw it out of the bar on it's ass. All I can do is ignore it. Like I said, that is the only way to make it go away. It's very hard to ignore it but I just have to try because I cannot kick it's ass in person. This is the internut and it's a (self-proven) nut. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 28 Mar 12 - 04:35 PM Get a life! You are so 'off the mark' it's ridiculous!.. ...oh, and I was not 'booted off'...but then, unlike yourselves, I was never a legend in my own wine! GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Richard Bridge Date: 28 Mar 12 - 07:05 PM I concluded long ago that Fugitive From Sanity had not recently had contact with sanity in person. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: maeve Date: 28 Mar 12 - 07:09 PM I hope Bobert and the P-Vine are enjoying peace and quiet in the cabin. I haven't checked the weather yonder...we've gone from 85F to 18F. Either way it's good to have a break from everyday life. Have a great time, Bobert and P-Vine. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 28 Mar 12 - 07:13 PM Well, first of all, this mini-vacation isn't "flight" from the Step-ie 'n Princess Show... We've had this planned fot the last several months... Havin' said that, however, the timng couln't be better for the P-Vine... And we had a great day today bombing around all these small western Carolina moutain towns and visited with our old friends at "Plants of the Blue Ridge" in Pinola and picked up 7 wild-flowers that we wanted and a native azalea at another nursery that we have wanted... Came back and the P-Vine's sister had prepared a gourmet supper of scallops, rutabega/potato casterole and a yummy spinich salad... BURP... Excuse me... BTW, I am sorry that folks have gotten all cranked up here 'cause I loves all ya'lls... Yeah, even the GfinS... Don't much like her at times but, hey??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: maeve Date: 28 Mar 12 - 07:19 PM Oh that sounds like fun, Bobert. Is the soil in Pinola similar to yours at home? I still wish I could buy bales of local pine needles for mulch. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: gnu Date: 28 Mar 12 - 07:28 PM Glad to hear yer havin a good time, bud. Wish I was there for the scollop scoff. Sounds yummy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 28 Mar 12 - 07:50 PM No,maeve... The soilhere in the mountain is real woodsy... You go down 6 inches of top soil before hitting clay... Yeah, pine needle mulch cheap down here... $3 a bail... Sorry, gn-ze... No leftovers... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Ebbie Date: 28 Mar 12 - 10:34 PM No leftovers? Not even the core? (It does sound like a good break. Good on ya.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again.... From: Bobert Date: 28 Mar 12 - 10:39 PM I have requested that this thread be closed... Seems that some folks use threads fir their own private jollies and such has happened here... I do sincerely appreciate the advice, support and understanding of so many of my friends here which has made this ordeal easier... Thank you, all... I will post another thread when this chapter inour lives is done... B~ |