BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage

Subject: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 22 Dec 12 - 02:59 PM

Canada was once a tolerant country but since the Harper Reform Party confiscated the government things are rapidly sliding downhill.    Mudcatter's own and beloved Chongo, was today refused passage on Air Canada in his attempt to spend Christmas with his old and dear friend Shane in Blind River. Air Canada has enacted a policy to no longer fly primates involved in scientific research on its planes. Chongo tried to explain to eejit personnel at Air Canada's counter at O'Hare airport in Chicago that he was no longer involved with research and thet the PhD he holds was an honorary ( sorry about the spelling but Chongo is a Yankee and refuses to use the "U")degree from St.FX University in Antigonish, Nova Scotia. These eejits were unable to comprehend the difference so Chongo remains at O'Hare. Meanwhile Shane sits in the Elliot Lake lockup waiting for Chongo to arrive and post his bail so they can both have a merry Christmas. What a sad state of affairs;is there no Christmas spirit left?
Air Canada's Discrimination

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 12 - 03:56 PM

Rats. I was SURE s/he was a lab experiment. Well shucky my darns!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 12 - 04:02 PM

Oh, thank goodness! I thought the ape was not aloud to fart. He'd blow up!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Dec 12 - 04:12 PM

aLOUD, gnu, may be the defining word.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Dec 12 - 05:27 PM

How can they discriminate against Chongo? Compared to the screaming babies up with which we had to put on the flight from Vancouver to Oz a month ago, Chongo would be a model passenger. And Shane, one can't help feeling for him.....just a little. Very little.

OK then, not much at all really.......

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Dec 12 - 06:03 PM

Problem solved! All we need to do is figure out a way to disguise Chongo as a human. Is there an aesthetician's shop at O'hare that could do a full-body wax?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 12 - 07:11 PM

Sure, but how are they going to disguise the fleas and the ugly?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 12 - 07:12 PM

I like the way BeeDubb thinks, I do. But I don't think the technology exists to do wax jobs on figments.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 12 - 07:19 PM

Aloud? Ebbie... that wasn't a typo or intended... it was a brain fart. Oh dear. I am distraught. I stink.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Dec 12 - 08:34 PM

Another blatant example of specism! Harper will pay dearly for this. There isn't a primate left in Canada who will ever vote Conservative again after this atrocious treatment of Chongo Chimp.

The part about him visiting Shane, though, is incorrect. He was coming to visit me. He regards Shane as pretty much beneath contempt, and Shane probably wouldn't like him much either. The first thing Shane would do after a few specist utterances like "Holy flip! It's a goddam monkey in a suit!" is...he'd try and bum a few smokes off Chongo, and with no luck. Chongo doesn't freely give out his cigars or share drinks with specist morons like Shane.

It is true, sadly, that Shane is in the lockup again...and at Christmas! Does this break your heart? I know it tugs at my heartstrings to think of the poor sap behind bars during Yuletide. It's tragic. It seems to have occurred due to a misunderstanding between Shane and the local police concerning a roomful of stereo equipment, computers, and various other electronic devices that he could not explain the origin of, and which matched the description of stolen items from at least 10 different houses in the Blind River/Sudbury area. Shane was completely mystified as to how these things ended up in his room. "Somebody must be tryin' to flippin' get me inta trouble, eh, cos I never seen that stuff in my life before..." he said, as he was being dragged off to the cruisers.

Chongo, meanwhile, is drawing up a Manifesto to protest this latest Canadian action which is a low blow against all apes AND monkeys, and must not be tolerated!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Dec 12 - 08:38 PM

Word I've heard is because Air Canada doesn't allow anyone who is not toilet trained to fly without a diaper and diaper changer...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Dec 12 - 08:49 PM

I guess you heard that on the street, right? ;-D

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Dec 12 - 09:12 PM

Yeah, come to think of it, it was the street, LH... How'd you know???

B:~)

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 12 - 09:50 PM

That's another word I was looking for to describe Chonga: incontinent.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Dec 12 - 11:43 PM

Chonga? Who is that, pray tell? We're talking about Chongo here, not Chonga.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: number 6
Date: 23 Dec 12 - 12:03 AM

thread drift ... but I have to ask ... was that Chongo by any chance running around the parking lot of Ikea?

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 12 - 09:06 AM

Chonga was his/her original name, back when s/he was young and living in Africa with her/his mother and twin sister, Chinga. That was BEFORE s/he talked a poor missionary doctor into performing a sex change operation on her, after which Chonga sold his/her mother and sister in A Life Of Shame to pay for the operation.

As you well know.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Dec 12 - 10:07 AM

Why not go by rail?

A degree from formerly RC St.FX University - by chance is Chongo a RC and was an alterboy as a youngster?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Dec 12 - 11:19 AM

Indeed... why not go by rail?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Dec 12 - 12:50 PM

Rap, I shudder at the thought of how you will suffer an eternity of unspeakable torture and damnation for all the blatant and hurtful lies you have spread and continue spreading about my esteemed friend and colleague, Chongo Chimp...an ape whose character is irreproachable, and whose family relations have always been of the best. Your sins of falsehood, sir, are a stench that pollutes the world, rises almost to heaven, and delights the Princes of Darkness with the anticipation of just how mightily they are going to make you suffer one day for having besmirched the name of a completely guiltless and honorable primate whose shoes you are not fit to shine.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 12 - 04:11 PM

S/he was and is an "altered" boy.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Bert
Date: 23 Dec 12 - 06:51 PM

All we need to do is figure out a way to disguise Chongo as a human.

Just steal Romney's ID.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Dec 12 - 10:26 PM

I'm frankly surprised they'd let George W. Bush into Canada with this law in place. Of course, he does wear nice suits. But then, so does Chongo. It's grossly unfair.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Dec 12 - 10:44 PM

Does Chongo provide emotional support to anyone, except Shane and his/herself?


Flying pigs and small horses provide emotional support

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Dec 12 - 01:47 AM

Well, sure. But he's never employed it as a strategy for getting on airplanes. He provides emotional support to fellow drunks at the bar, bereaved customers who've lost a relative to some violent act, classy women who just need someone "to talk to", etc...it's part of the job, see?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 12 - 06:43 AM

Chonga smokes. No plane rides for it because you can't smoke on airplanes, especially when it's not a cigarette. If it weren't so careless with matches it wouldn't smoke all the time.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Dec 12 - 10:31 AM

So he wasn't strangled? What a shame.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 24 Dec 12 - 10:34 AM

Where is Chongo's can-do spirit? (Read the thread on the can-do spirit, started by Bobert.) Okay, so Chongo can't fly on Air Canada. He should be realistic and agree that the staff is frantically busy, flights are full, and even if he could prevail on the intellectual level, he wouldn't get a seat.

What about a dogsled? The Midwest had a nice snowstorm a few days ago, and presumably Canada has even more snow. How about a boat? There are lots of yachts in Chicago, and some owner would probably welcome an excuse to actually use one.

I would not recommend a balloon this time of year, but keep a balloon in mind, Chongo, for summer.

Don't thank me; thank Bobert.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Dec 12 - 11:18 AM

When dealing with Air Canada, I think almost anyone could "prevail on the intellectual level". ;-) Well, maybe not Shane. But most people could.

The solution is elegantly simple. Chongo needs to book his flight on some other airline, that's all.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Dec 12 - 12:28 PM

How's the ice on Lake Michigan? Maybe Chongo could skate to Canada. Click!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Amos
Date: 24 Dec 12 - 01:02 PM

AN ape whose family relations have always been of the best? Man, this is Big Lie manufacturing at work!! What about the long-suffering sister who ended up running a highly lucrative chain of branded whorehouses? Huh? She's drill him between the eyes if he ever showed up there.

Anyway, why would Chongo need air passage? He's imaginary, for crying out loud! You want him to be in Canada, just imagine him in Canada! Imagine the enthusiastic crowds as they turn out in their hundreds to tar and feather him!!    And if that gets too hot for ya, just re-imagine him snorkeling in the streets of Venice.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 24 Dec 12 - 01:48 PM

If I am imaginary, then why do you keep persecutin' me by makin' up ridiculous stories about my supposed relatives, latte'-boy? Do you do this about Santa Claus? Or Pinnochio? Or the Easter Bunny? No. So why pick on me, thimbel-brain?

People who try to persecute what they themselves say are imaginary beings are people who have lost touch with reality, wouldn'tcha say? How you gonna hurt me if I'm "imaginary"? Why do you bother tryin'? Maybe you should seek out professional help, Amos. What I am sayin' is, get a headshrinker and work out yer damn problem, and stop pesterin' me.

I am gonna go up by bus. The hell with Air Canada. They can go climb a tree as far as I'm concerned. I'll enjoy seein' a bit of countryside on the trip anyways.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 24 Dec 12 - 03:52 PM

Looks like Chongo will make it by bus to Little Hawk's in time for Christmas. Meanwhile Shane still sits in Elliot Lake lockup and it looks like he'll be eating turkey dinner in a cell. Jail officials are sympathec but they won't give Shane a pass because they let him and his buddy Frank out a while back, and it caused three of them a letter of discipline on their file.
Shane on day release.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Dec 12 - 07:53 PM

Shane would never get busted by leaving a blood trail for the cops to follow. A drool trail or a vomit trail, maybe, but no blood trail.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 12 - 10:07 PM

Since Shame usually has a condition known as "the runs" or "the trots" or "Montezuma's Revenge" or "the outhouse quickstep" no, he wouldn't leave a trail of blood -- or anything other than a sort of greenish-brown Eventually his eyes will change color, I guess....

The Chonga thing is incorrect: it's actually hair passage. Seems transportation companies have this thing about fleas and lice that prevents Chonga from traveling by any method other than sort of waddling. I've heard that arborists have banned it from climbing in or swinging in trees.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Refused Air Passage
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 01:21 AM

The blood was Frank Rose's, not Shane's. Frank is an old buddy of Shane's and he is one of the biggest flippin' loosers ever been seen arownd these parts, eh? They were selebratin' Christmass in the best way they could figger, but it did not work out too good. This is the 15th time Shane's been busted for breakin' into a Beer Store, eh? He oughta be a expert by now, ya would think? He still got caugt. The boy is simply an idiot. I sure hope he don't ever have no kids cos it could really flip up the fuchure repitation of the fambly, know waht I mean? Most girls know this and are too smart to let it happen, but I still worry that it might some day cos there are a few girls arownd here who are dumber than a post, eh?

- Don