Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012

Subject: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 01:15 AM

A slight white-haired woman slowly pushes open the door to the Mudcat Tavern, shifting dust from the jamb into the air, visible floating in a beam from the porch light as it shines through the glass transom over the door.

"So this is where they come to get up to such hijinx" she whispers to herself. "I've laughed myself silly about that jello pit and the Giant Squid and barbecued auroch and cats swinging in pendulum upside down decorated trees, the ducks, dogs, the various doors, and the closet into the recovery ward."

Stepping into a cavernous wood-floored room with robust beams overhead, she pulls in her shopping cart, stolen from a Kroger parking lot in southwest Fort Worth, Texas, and begins to set boxes and bags on the bar. Cheese and crackers, kim chee, Ro-tel tomatoes, barbecued sausage and brisket, a grilled salmon, and from under the basket, three cases of Shiner Bock beer.

Long considered a figment of Khandu's imagination, the Mother of All BS Threads (MOAB) steps behind the bar and opens the fridge. Tsking in disgust at the state of the molding food on the bottom shelf, she pulls the large plastic trash can over and sets to work. "These kids need to have a great xmas this year without food poisoning sending them all to the ER" she mutters to herself.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 01:19 AM

Carol pulls out the book of Christmas accordion arrangements I gave he last year and plays some Christmas classics.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 02:37 AM

Ah. You didn't see me? I've been sitting in this corner for nigh on three days. Too much hullabaloo out there for me. But I'm glad you've come- I like company in fairly small doses.
And wine too. In small doses, I mean. Sometimes larger doses. If you'll look behind the bar counter there - there is a clean spot there I washed off when I came- anyway, if you look behind the bar you'll see a couple of empties from the last couple of days. All cab. Wonderful stuff.

But you're right. It is high time for some food. Meditatin' and cognitatin' call for occasional food.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 03:18 AM

My contribution this year? Two "interesting" drinks. A sweet red wine from Greece given to me by my guitarist friend Yorgos "Is like port- drink at Christmas" he said. Also a bottle of Hungarian moonshine- home brewed Palinka from the father of my nephew's girlfriend- a souvenir of our trip to Budapest- you could run a plane on it. Perhaps a cocktail of the two? Ottoman Surprise?
RtS

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 04:08 AM

A freak "thunder snow" storm breaks over the tavern, and the interior population of small animals and birds increases as ducks, cats, bats, and one giant squid move into the Tavern to escape the cold and racket of the weather.

After about 20 minutes the storm passes, but the critters don't exit.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 07:00 AM

And in rides a bold highwayman, his sword a trifle bent and his trusty rifle a trifle rusty. Falling from his horse (who trots over to talk with the Giant Squid), he opens one bleery eye and says, "Aagh" as he falls face down into a bowl of warm rice pudding left over from Hallowe'en.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 10:01 AM

grumble grumble grumblr "damn randy lords are leaping all over those slutty milkmaids. There's cow shit and bird shit everywhere. Swans are nasty things. grumble gRUMBLE


Drums! Drums! Who the hell needs drums first thing in the morning?


And with that SINS goes rummaging in the kitchen for a cup of hot coffee.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 03:14 PM

Damn, he thinks to himself, this isn't warm chocolate rice pudding. My horse has the scours again. Wiping his face with his sleeve, he again falls face-forward into the "pudding."

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 03:27 PM

I'm in the corner, offering a banana to Chongo Chimp. I'm wearing my new Christmas Bonnie Green Garters. After a half of Adnam's I will be performing Speed The Plough (agricultural amphetamine).

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 04:03 PM

A figure enters, eyes to the floor, his wide brimmed felt hat adorned with ruff grouse feathers and pine needles and stained with conifer gums, his red checked woolen Humphrey jacket and black woolen Humphrey pants adorned with needles, gums and burrs. He breeches his over and under, removes the shells and pockets them, and snaps the breech shut with one hand in a fluid motion that is so precise it is barely audible. He gently stands the gun against the wall by the door and moves toward the bar.

In a tired voice, he asks, "Keep, d'ye and yer patrons wish a feed of fried fresh Birch Pahhtridge?", reaches into the back pouch of his Humphrey jacket and produces a brace of cleaned large cocks still warm. He says, "I have no money but I have these and some may return the feast I offer with trade in whiskey."

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: MMario
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 04:26 PM

gnu - good thing you brought that brace of partridge...I was afraid the stew I was putting together wouldn't feed everyone....I only had half a mastadon and a small brontosaurus to put into it...the partridge will make sure no one goes hungry.

And they go well with the dried pears in the stew.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 04:42 PM

Oh goody! Not just food but a feast!

Please make the bold highwayman wash up first. I don't mind bird poo and dino droppings in the proper place but I do draw a line.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Severn
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 05:10 PM

Seeing that highwayman playing "Fathom The Bowl" was very off-pudding. So was the frontiersman unloading his breeches in public.

Unable to play outdoors in the blizzard, the kids have taken a bunch of hardened bricks of fruitcake of questionable vintage that they found in a back corner of the barn and have constructed the seemingly impregnable Fort Claxton out of them in place of the usual snow fort.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 05:24 PM

Mastadon? Brontosaurus? The figure asks for drink from those that desire trade in ultimate finger food and accepts libations humbly and sips them slowly and knowingly for he is guaging the price of barter for fine culinary delights. He knows what he holds back.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 05:56 PM

Suddenly he springs up, wipes his face, smells his sleeve and heads for the (men's) showers, his rusty blunderbuss and bent sword left hanging in the air like a cartoon character who has just run off a cliff. Meanwhile, his trusty steed and the giant squid are having a good horse laugh over at the lime jello pit.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 06:13 PM

Clean, and his brocade jacket, velvet breeches and silver hose cleaned and pressed, he grabs his trusty musketoon and his blade before they come near to hitting the floor. He straightens his blade and sheathes it, hanging the frog and baldric from a coat hook, and with a casual toss over his shoulder the gonne vanishes from sight.

"Landlard!" he says in a quiet, yet commanding, voice. "Come! Fill the flowing bowl until it doth run over!"

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 07:41 PM

Clean large warm what?????
SOmewhere in this is a bad Laorena Bobbitt joke.

And SINS sidles into the back booth coffee in hand and watches the goings on at the Jell-O pit.

"It's always lime green" she muses.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 09:15 PM

is someone trying to keep olddude aaway?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: ClaireBear
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 09:21 PM

So this bear walks into a bar...

"Lime green goes so well with the Spanish-themed red and black patterned carpet we installed around the pit when Rapparee pulled it out of his house a few years back," it says. "And SINS, swans are lovely in their place" (as are bears).

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: ClaireBear
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 09:27 PM

Ahhhh -- the Anchor Christmas beer is good this year! Kinda ... coniferous, as it were. It would go well with this pine-nut fudge I brought. Have some?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Tinker
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 09:27 PM

.....finally the angel's halos are all packed away and the busiest week of the year is done...

The family has feasted on 24 hours of appetizers and now it is me time for a long cold drink ....

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Tinker
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 09:28 PM

and pine nut fudge...

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: ClaireBear
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 09:34 PM

May I order you an Anchor Christmas to go with that?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Tinker
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 09:58 PM

Yes please.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 12 - 10:11 PM

May I borrow an anchor before I set sail? This flowing bowl of grog will leave me groggy, I fear, and I may wander about -- drift rudderless, one might say, save that my trusty steed would find me and take me home to sleep it off assuming he doesn't stop hitting on the squid.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: ClaireBear
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 12:53 AM

Sure! I'll weigh you one. A pint's a pound...

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: GUEST,Mother MOAB
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 09:48 AM

MOM MOAB pushes an empty plate away and nods at the barkeep as she raises her empty glass. A small old-fashioned wood and leather-hinged box sits on the table. She waits till Rapparee walks past her table and under her breath mutters Ever seen a Higgs boson before?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Amos
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 10:00 AM

BEtween Gnu's cocks and Rapparree's carefully adjusted musket, the place begins to heat up.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 12:35 PM

Breaks out a case of Duplin muscadine Port, "This will compliment the game nicely. That is unless you like your wine weak and watery." My dad sent me up a few cans of seal and rabbit from da rock, trow dat in the stew if ya wants. but I only go one can a moose so I'm keeping that back as a hangover preventer.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: MAG
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 01:38 PM

Fruitcake tastes just fine if you soak it in brandy until it's soft.

a little Andean pipe music would do fine

cherries and cream, anyone?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 01:52 PM

Cherries and cream go wonderfully well with red wine. Would someone check to see if there's anything left in that bottle? My shape makes it difficult to walk at the moment. But I can still sit and sip.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 04:19 PM

The bottles rarely run out in the Mudcat Tavern. Not only does it save a great expense, it allows more space on the shelves for a generous variety of wines.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 04:47 PM

Hmmm, he wonders. Could that be that cute little bosun from HMS Higgs that I met that time in Papeetee? She was a redhead, I remember, and we had a heckuva good time even if she did beat up six cops when they...ah, the memories!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 05:34 PM

Just then I see a yard sign on the yard arm. It says
Elect
Ron

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 06:02 PM

No worry, Jack a Tar. Me buddy dropped in weeks back wit a bo'le a mooze from yer Granite Planet. Sure cookie kin spare some onions and biled spuds fer a pan scoff, eh? Now, yee'll be patient until New Year's Eve, eh wha? I ain't ad but one bo'le a mooze in years an she's gotta be done up right, on occasion, sir. I'll secure some decent dark n dirty fer ta go along, sure. I daresent say she'll be Ragged Rock but she'll be Screech at least, me son, and Dock if I can get er. Even Old Sam if it's all she wrote, eh?

Translation transcripts for this episode of The Granite Planet are not available. If ye can't unnerstand plain English, visit Newfoundland and Labrador an get yerself a scoff a yer mooze and some good rum. Some shockin good.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 06:34 PM

I love Screech, Can't always get it here.

Barkeep - Screech! Double! Straight up!

Filthy disgusting boids!!!!!!

Name the movie says SINS as she slides along the swan droppings to the bar.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 06:46 PM

Two Screech clean? Lard dynin Jaysus yer a hard woman, ye! I daresent cut pulp along side a ye. Tha horses would bolt!

Keep! Find that lass some rum, no matter what rotgut it is. Best slick that one flat cam. Did ye know she's got a huge pet lobster tied to the tree in her yard? Sic it on ya like a dawg. Watch yerself round er.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 07:36 PM

"Ho," says he. "Varlet cook, where be the vittles? Riding the ribbon ofo highway over the purple moor gives a man an appetite! Ale, man, ale's the stuff to drink! Lusty wenches all around!"

And so saying he falls back against the wall, through the wall, and into the ladies' rest rooms.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: SussexCarole
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 08:36 PM

From the luxurious depths of the ladies rest rooms, the lusty wenches await....

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 10:32 PM

... Each in anticipation of the flowing beer and who would be lucky to find and snap the magic garter tonight.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 11:08 PM

At least the stalls were fixed so no one gets stuck in them anymore. But the doors do still close. . .

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 26 Dec 12 - 11:19 PM

I am headin fer the luxurious depths and snap some garters, me! Been about 15 years fer me but I figure I can remember enough to get by in a pinch... er a snap, as it were.

Keep... hold the ales... I have ahhh... ladies to attend to... god, and the ladies, willing.

Hey... you lasses started all that talk.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 27 Dec 12 - 11:25 AM

From last Sunday (true story): Mary (real name) walks into the pub session: her man is sitting way over the other side with his 3 melodeons scattered around him.
Mein host - "Come in Mary, there's plenty of room in the inn".
(Me) "just so long as you're not planning to have a baby in here".

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 27 Dec 12 - 09:18 PM

OOOOOooooh, if I had money enough to spend

And leisure tiiiiime to sit a whhhhile..........

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 12 - 10:32 PM

But you do. It's all on Bert's credit card. And I did manage to get free of those lust-crazed crazies in the ladies room. Now I can properly celebrate Christmas by shooting skyrockets up the Christmas Tree -- WHEEEE!!!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Dec 12 - 12:18 AM

Barkeep, are the fire extinguishers behind the bar fully charged? Forget about putting out a fire, we may need to use them like rocket packs to get out of here if Rap sets off that tree. . .

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 12 - 07:51 AM

They're fireproof rockets. I make them myself.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Dec 12 - 12:13 PM

Last time he tried that stunt the tree went thru the roof with an octopus, duck, cat and ...

DUCK!
quack

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 28 Dec 12 - 11:59 PM

it's never boring in the Tavern

sandra (resting quietly in a corner, crossing fingers it's a safe spot)

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 29 Dec 12 - 01:43 PM

If I may, Sandra, I'll sit and rest beside you. I'm a bit tired now having had my garters ripped off by the Rampant Gnu. Someone fetch me a glass of Adnam's ale please. (Room temp, not ice-cold!)

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 12 - 02:32 PM

Well, I didn't exactly make them myself - they're actually RATO units I got from an Army surplus store. They're rockets that help boost big planes into the air.

Here, I'll fasten them around the bottom of the tree and insert the igniters and...if those damned birds will PLEASE stop adding guano to the RATO units! It could upset the delicate balance at liftoff.

Aw, tahellwidit. 10...9...8....

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 29 Dec 12 - 03:43 PM

I ain't ripped anything fer over 15 years except a few trolls and assholes here at Mudcat.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 12 - 07:41 PM

Oh my. That was exciting. I forgot to fasten the rocket units to the tree and they went all higgledy-piggledy. Squiddy shouldn't have tried to grab that one that put him up in the rafters before it exited the roof. And my poor horse...I think he had fun riding that one.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 30 Dec 12 - 12:17 AM

Eliza, do you think we are the only ones drinking Adam's Ale here?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: GUEST,Mother MOAB
Date: 30 Dec 12 - 01:00 AM

Stomps in from parking lot, scrapes boots on mat. MOM went out into the dark overcast night for a few minutes to get some fresh air and intervene in a dispute. When well-chosen words failed to work, she kicked both parties in the nuts and told them to pick up their bags of pecans and go home. Raparree's rockets exiting through the tavern roof gave her enough light to find her way back to the building.

"I'll have one of your hot buttered rums, barkeep" and she heads over to the corner with Sandra. "Gnu, if you don't get out of the ladies' room I'll give your pecans a beating also!"

"Those boys. The shit they get up to . . . "

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 30 Dec 12 - 04:37 AM

LOL Sandra. I'm drinking Adnam's not Adam's. Adnam's is a fine brewery in Southwold, Suffolk, UK. Their ale is (to me) the best in the world. I do drink a lot of water, but not in a Tavern. Later in the evening, shall you, Patsy and I give the company a rousing chorus? What shall it be? "Oh dear, what can the matter be?" perhaps?
Sorry gnu, it must have been some other Rampant Gnu, but someone has certainly been at my garters!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 12 - 08:16 AM

This place REEKS of burned lime jello. It's a darned good thing Squiddy wasn't hurt, but he misses his jello pit. Maybe he wants garters since he's already got one on one of his tentacles and he keeps eying Eliza.

Barkeep, a Talisker -- straight -- please.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 30 Dec 12 - 10:25 AM

Rapparee, you're downright dangerous sober, I don't think you should have any more whisky, you'll blow us all to smithereens. And so it was Squiddy who got into my garters? Put him back at once into his green jelly pit and behave yourself. Squiddy reminds me of a pupil years ago who wrote "An octopus has got eight testicles."

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Semofolkie
Date: 30 Dec 12 - 11:57 AM

*Walks by and peeps in the window, checking to see if the place is still open*

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 12 - 12:24 PM

More booze! More booze! Let us all get cockneyed...cockeyed...conked out.

Has anyone seen my blunderbuss?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Semofolkie
Date: 30 Dec 12 - 12:31 PM

When's the New Year's Eve party begin?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 30 Dec 12 - 12:50 PM

Time for Jello shots. Hold the Jello!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Dec 12 - 01:39 PM

It's a continuation, Semofolkie, but it gets noiser. More explosive devices involved.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 30 Dec 12 - 02:57 PM

Semofolkie, come and sit with us girls. Can I interest you in some Adnam's ale? You'd better wear your tin helmet, 'cos Rapparee is in an explosive mood tonight!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 30 Dec 12 - 06:33 PM

Well, I don't DO garters. Costs too much in lawyers' fees. I just run er on manual. Not near as much fun but it's a LOT cheaper and it don't require the committment to eventual misery and poverty.

Bitter? Yeah. WTF wouldn't I be?

Hey. This is a tavern, right? So, I am allowed. You, as barkeeps, gotta listen and NOT judge when I bitch and moan.

Drink up. There ain't much time left.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Dec 12 - 06:48 PM

Oh, look at all of the ducks up in the rafter! They must have flown in through the holes that Raparree blasted.

Better shoo them out of that area before you launch anything else. It's one thing to put holes in the ceiling, it's entirely another matter to harm ducks.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Dec 12 - 06:58 PM

Hmmmm
I've been in that ladies room and there are no ladies. No garters either. It's all trusses and Ace bandages and support hose. Wonder what that fool Rapparree was fondling?

The rum is good and strong but not Screech. It will do. When does the music begin? Once a year in the Tavern magic happens and old folkies return with the voices of their youth. Barry Finn, Rick Fielding, Kendall and Tom Hall with voices, Utah Phillips, maybe, if he's not too busy. Helen Schneyer. Let's lure them in with "All God's People Got A Place In The Choir".

The magic only lasts a short time.

Who has a guitar or a fiddle?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 30 Dec 12 - 08:56 PM

My neighbor, Mr. Willie Davis passed on this year. He was retired boiler maker so bad at music he had his wife play the soul music records. If we are lucky he will fry us some spots, croakers, Virginia mullets and clam fritters. MMMM MMMM goes so good with beer whiskey or gin and juice!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 12 - 12:57 AM

The auroch is grilling.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 31 Dec 12 - 02:04 AM

are you in charge of the grill, Rap - if so, what fuel are you using?

sandra (ducking for cover)

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 31 Dec 12 - 05:24 AM

Sandra... Rap meant *I* am grilling. And, it will be duck if they do that again. Filthy critters.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 31 Dec 12 - 05:31 AM

Sinsull, some people find trusses and support hose extremely attractive. My Bonnie Green Garters are decorated with holly in celebration of the season. Bit prickly though. Isn't it funny that all these macho men feel the need to grill! What IS it about men and barbecues? We'd better give them a stripey apron each, and some of those giant-size metal utensils. They already have enough sauce IMO.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 12 - 09:56 AM

MMario put it on some time ago.

Okay.

I swear and affirm, with my hand upon these Sacred Books, the holy Child Ballads (Camsco Music publication), that I firmly and herewith resolve that I will not fire off more than fifty (50) kilograms (or kilogrammes) of any explosive during 2013.*











*In any single lump of explosives. This does not affect to the total weight or mass of said expolosives, not does it apply to explosives set off at any distance above or below the surface of the earth, which includes pre-existing structure, caves, holes, mines, towers and similiar artifacts.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 31 Dec 12 - 10:03 AM

'Terms and Conditions may apply' eh? Hope the CIA or FBI aren't following this thread, Rapparee. They may draw some unpleasant conclusions about you!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: SINSULL
Date: 31 Dec 12 - 11:25 AM

Bonny Green garters with prickly holly? Do you wear a hair shirt as well? Seems to be the wrong season for that stuff but to each her own.
I prefer flannel onesies.
SINS

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 31 Dec 12 - 11:43 AM

Quick. Gimme a whiskey before the fight starts.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 31 Dec 12 - 11:43 AM

Quick. Gimme another whiskey before the fight starts.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 31 Dec 12 - 11:58 AM

"What fight?"

I forgot my wallet.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 31 Dec 12 - 01:12 PM

LOL Sinsull, my husband wears flannel onesies (thermal underwear, Long Johns) and I must say they're VERY fetching!
This thread should now be renamed Mudcat New Year Tavern, cos nobody's leaving yet.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 31 Dec 12 - 01:27 PM

Does the search page on Google today have a picture of the Mudcat tavern?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 31 Dec 12 - 01:37 PM

You're right, Jack. Look, there's me playing the piano in green. Matches my 'Bonnie Green Garters'. The food on the table looks nice. But where are those explosive gentlemen and the green jelly?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 31 Dec 12 - 03:19 PM

I have never seen a pic of the Mudtavern. But, I assume it is akin the the Legion House Hovel in Pocatello, ID or The Slop House(nickname) in Deer Lake, NF. Rough spot, that Slop House. Last rough spot I ever visited. I could tell ya a story but I gotta borrow some money ta pay fer me whiskey so's Keep don't chuck me. I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for my whiskey today.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Jan 13 - 01:03 PM

It looked like this at one time. The bar was magnificent. There were cosy booths and Jello used to come in cups. But like the time we redecorated Amos' house while he was on vacation, it has had a few modifications.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jan 13 - 01:27 PM

Swanky! Kinda looks like I am in the wrong place.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 01:51 PM

Looks like the tavern has emptied out. Some of these events have been more exciting, but the property damage has strained Bert's credit card.

As to the looks of the place, perhaps some of our yarn art folks can create a few hangings to put on the walls and give it a more cultured appearance. Or do we have an old hippie who did macrame in the 1970s? He/she can weave hemp twine, beads, transistors and resistors, and old can pull tabs into a fabulous work of art (and impediment to cell phone signals). It would fit right in.

Sage turns off the light switch on her way out.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 02:02 PM

Hmmm... I COULD go out the emergency exit but that would make a lot of noise and set off the alarm and the fire and police departments would respond. I don't wanna bother them. Maybe I'll just have some snacks and ales, watch the big screen and wait for someone to open the front door. Sounds like a plan to me.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 02:06 PM

"Looks like the tavern has emptied out. "

Nope, I'm staying till Old Christmas Day. The mummers haven't even come by yet and I have some homemade beer I've been saving all year. We'll put a jar on the bar to help out with the repairs.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 03:19 PM

Drink up. JtS... the mummers are frozen solid and won't be around. Unless ye got some transplants down there.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 08:28 PM

The door isn't locked, the lights are off, so it's just darker in there for you guys who are drinking beer and watching TV. If it gets drafty just wiggle your fingers so and the cats will creep over and climb up on the sofas with you and keep you warm. I think the ducks were chased off or you could have your choice of cat hair or down all over your clothes.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 09:18 PM

I keep Christmas from December 6 (St. Nicholas Day) to January 6. If you guys get cold, I've got some thermite.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 10:51 PM

I've got me rum to keep me warm!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 10:59 PM

I hope rum is keeping warm... well, I hope 9 is keeping rum warm. Fookin cold here! Minus too much celcius! And the wind ain't appreciated needer. Hot toddy's are in order.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 11:08 PM

Yeah! Toddies! We can heat em on on that fireplace. Thermite? that means warm doesn't it?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 11:27 PM

It'll warm the place up real nice. Melt tool steel, it will.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 11:33 PM

Just enough for the toddies OK?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 06:07 AM

Now, who do you want in charge of the grill?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 09:24 AM

Please place the grill 2 miles from the tavern. We just had the place painted.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 09:59 AM

Wimps, the lot of you. But I happen to have both a magnesium flare AND a white phosphorus grenade handy. Which would you prefer?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 01:19 PM

yawn s t r e t c h What a nice nap. Where is everybody? Oh, I see you. Thank goodness there are some people who know how to keep a party going.

By the way, the bar has not changed much in all this time- but a couple of years ago the 'Great Remodel' rearranged a few things. But that's OK- just provided more nooks and crannies for naps and other things.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 02:46 PM

Rapparee, you are an incorrigible conflagrationist. (What's more, you just love burning and melting things.) There may be a job for you in the hereafter...

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 02:52 PM

And my last post was 100!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 03:07 PM

102!


102 bottles of beer on the wall 102 bottles of beer.

Take one down, til you've passed out a round.

96 bottles of beer on the wall.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 03:21 PM

Take one down
Until you've passed out
Ain't no bottles of beer on the wall.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 04:21 PM

Huh? What time is it? My tab is WHAT? Those empties ain't mine. Don't... yell.. at... me... just now. What's with the apron? Okay... okay... but ya better gimmie a shot unless ya want broken dishes. I asked you not to yell.

If I gotta wash dishes, I need some tunes. How about some dish washing music in the kitchen... What Time Is It? *

* WARNING... Spin Doctors, 1993... R&R with an edge.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 07:38 PM

gnu! gnu! Calm down. Chill, do. You owe nothin'.

I have it on good authority that Bert recently came into a GREAT DEAL of money- it's all covered.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 10:50 PM

Right! Bert's buyin and I am... still washin dishes on accounta I PAY my debts. As long as the toons are good. *

* WARNING... Spinning again. I am in a R&R mood. After the Bluegrass thread, it just fits.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2012
From: GUEST,Squiddy
Date: 04 Jan 13 - 12:27 PM

When will the Jello Tank be filled? I'm losing my slime coat!