Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 15 May 13 - 06:30 AM

Does that mean the sheep will be baahed out as well?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 15 May 13 - 06:39 AM

.... those other farm animals that really get my goat.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 15 May 13 - 06:40 AM

I heard the hens had a bad attack of stage fright this year. They just chickened out.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 May 13 - 07:35 AM

No they were kicked out last year for using fowl language!   Incidentally, Willam McTell... (the Folk singer who shoots apples off his sons head with bow and arrow (on The Streets of London) will definitely be performing for us... at Blitherscrum again this year.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 15 May 13 - 11:09 AM

I heard the hens clucking last year. I can't say their language was all that bad. Ok., a bit chickenshit maybe but that was all. Nothing like some of the things that old parrot which someone brought in was coming out with. The dirty old beast.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 May 13 - 05:24 PM

Directions for getting to the site are easy:- Right at the White Horse, right again at The Rose and Crown, right again at The Red Lion, left at the Black Horse, right at the Dog and Partridge, right again at the Unicorn, left at the Dog and Duck, left again at the Green Dragon and the site is about a mile further up that road. P{lease bear in mind that stopping to ask directions at each pub is problematic:- A few Festival attenders never made it last year, having been arrested for drunk driving just before getting to the site. We want you there so please don't stop at all the pubs!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 May 13 - 05:28 PM

All food sold at the event this year will be subject to Blitherscrum town council taxation B.A.T (Blither Added Tax) . This is due to Blitherscrum now becoming a 'freetown' (not under government control). It is thought that many more towns will make a bid for freedom as it is so much easier to govern a small area.
They are insisting that at least two of the committe are Blitherscrum Undergovernment Members (BUMs)

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 16 May 13 - 06:55 AM

Where does Blitherscrum stand on "re-admission" or "pass-out" policy from the festival site? This is causing a huge problem with much argument in my town, Lewes, over a much smaller festival than Blitherscrum headlined by some band called something like Sons of Mumford.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 16 May 13 - 08:29 AM

Re-admission is simple...anyone leaving the site has their hand stamped on! So when they come back it is obvious they are coming back. However, the gatemen have been asked not to stamp on them so hard as a few hands were broken last year. There is no policy on passing out.... several members passed out when performers they weren't keen on played last year.. we just immersed them in the river and they soon came round!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 May 13 - 08:51 AM

Bodhran Disc Golf will be available on the back forty. Beware the hazards - Billy McTell will be shooting apples off his kid's head while
Banjo Baseball takes place on the green.
A group of tossers will be back there with eggs, cabers and assortment of local politicians. If anyone yells "Fore" or "Coming about", look up!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 16 May 13 - 09:39 AM

Yeah, I passed out several times last year at what I thought was a singaround; turned out I'd misread the programme and it was a 'slumberound'. I hadn't heard of this before. Is it exclusive to Blitherscrum? I'm not sure which is worse; trying to sleep when people around you insist on snoring, or when they insist on singing.
JK

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 16 May 13 - 12:05 PM

Not sure about the slumberound but we had a 'stingaround' last year which was very successful... bit like a singaround but someone performs and all the others criticise the performance... it does sting too!!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 16 May 13 - 12:59 PM

Sounds a bit like mudcat....
JK

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 May 13 - 02:28 AM

LOL @ Harmonium Hero

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 17 May 13 - 04:37 AM

Are the Wildaughters performing this year and if so are they bringing their own mattresses?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 17 May 13 - 11:31 AM

Mattress dancing workshop! - put me down for that!
JK

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 17 May 13 - 12:47 PM

I long for the return of the Folk Club Traditional Joke Workshops at Blitherscrum. They were such a belly laugh. Three jokes that I fondly remember from those days:-

a] The guitarist who came to the joke workshop, stood tuning his instrument for 12 minutes and then said, "Oh well, that's close enough for folk!"

b] The woman who introduced a song saying, "Here's one I learned from The English Book of Penguin Folk Songs."

c] The bloke who turned up at the workshop with a hat full of cloakroom tickets and announced, "Now I am going to draw the Raphael!"

Cracks like that used to crease me up. Can anyone remember any more? They should all be recorded for the sound archives before these priceless jewels die out.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 May 13 - 01:41 PM

Awwww yessss:- How do you make a small fortune from Folk Music............. start with a large fortune!!
What noise could possibly sound better than a banjo?............... A chicken caught in a vacuum cleaner?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 17 May 13 - 01:48 PM

.... Oh yes, I've just remembered another classic chortle-raiser:-

"There's nothing like a good song to end the evening with and this is nothing like a good song!"

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 May 13 - 02:31 PM

Definition of a Folk Gentleman........ A man who knows how to play a banjo ( or Bodhran) but chooses not to!
Definition of perfect pitch......... when the banjo falls cleanly into the canal without hitting the sides!

Keep 'em coming eh? LOL

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 17 May 13 - 07:56 PM

There's the immortal: "it was in tune when I bought it". (haven't heard that one since 1972).
Or the other one "if I ever get this in tune, I'm going to get ir welded".
And agin: "this is a Chinese number, called 'Tu-Ning'".
Eeh, we knew 'ow ter laugh in them days.
JK

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 17 May 13 - 08:03 PM

And who could forget "this one's unacomplished".
JK

'ere, perhaps with a bit of research, we could get Penguin to do a 'Pebguin Book of English Folk Club Jokes'.....

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 May 13 - 01:22 PM

You may remember Farmer Jones from last year... a man 'outstanding in his field'....he had a pig which smelled very badly. Well the pig has now had an operation on his nose and can smell perfectly!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 18 May 13 - 03:10 PM

Hello! we're the Symbolics. I'm Sym....

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Gail
Date: 19 May 13 - 10:41 AM

And who can forget all those happy evenings ending with the traditional "thank you for having us tonight, and if you haven't had us yet don't worry we're working our way round"

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 19 May 13 - 12:36 PM

Please be aware if you bring your dog and have to leave it on the camp..there was a strange man who was caught ..by me...trying to commit an indecent act with someones unattended dog last year. I did say to him "How low can you get"? but he answered with "OOOOH a dacshund is about me lowest so far".
Incidentally if your dog poos anywhere it is your responsibility to clean it up...there are dog poo bins available and "Super dooper pooper scoopers" to pick it up with will be available for purchase.
Stewards are sill needed for the event but if applying please remember that you must be at least 3' 6" tall in stockinged feet or taller with high heels (especially the men).

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 19 May 13 - 07:23 PM

Eee, now yer talkin'

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 May 13 - 01:13 AM

Some folkies have PM'd me re the directions for getting to Blitherscrum but sadly I have a map and it doesn't show Blitherscrum on it....so:-
I assume all UK members know where Birmingham is..........well it's nowhere near there so that's a start. It is so easy to get to!
Turn left at the 'Beastie and the Pig' and go about four miles before turning right at the 'Crab and Organ'. Take the fork in the road a you might need it to eat with if we are short at camp. Left again at the 'Nude and voyeur' and immediate left following the sign which says 'Blitherscrum Folly'.....This road takes you direct to the campsite which you can't miss as the sign outside says 'DEAD END'.....which I hope doesn't put too many off. Any further difficulties please phone me at Naffhall 1212....
May I wish you all a pleasant trip to the Festival

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 20 May 13 - 06:34 AM

There's the immortal: "it was in tune when I bought it". (haven't heard that one since 1972).
Or the other one "if I ever get this in tune, I'm going to get ir welded".
And agin: "this is a Chinese number, called 'Tu-Ning'"....


And who could forget "this one's unacomplished".....

Hello! we're the Symbolics. I'm Sym....

And who can forget all those happy evenings ending with the traditional "thank you for having us tonight, and if you haven't had us yet don't worry we're working our way round"

 to all of these.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST
Date: 21 May 13 - 01:46 AM

You may notice that The Old Barn at Upton Oggod will have had a coat of paint just before your arrival at the event. The sign 'WET PAINT' is a warning not an instruction to the gentlemen who come. This brings me to a serious complaint that was made last year about a beautifully voluptuous female on the campsite who was apparently taking her clothes off outside the tent. To the women who complained:- you will get nowhere with your complaints, much like last year, as the men do not find this kind of behaviour offensive...and if you have trouble keeping your husband/partner on a leash, that's your problem not ours. It is however requested that the men who accompanied the taking off of her clothes, with kazoo music, should desist this year as it disturbs the children who are trying to sleep.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 May 13 - 02:00 AM

Sorry, that last post was me... sans cookie!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 21 May 13 - 05:30 AM

people attending Blitherscrum for the first time should be careful not to confuse it with the neighbouring village of Blatherscrum. That's where the bad jokes festival is held.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 May 13 - 08:43 AM

Now you know an old mistake of mine... where did you think I got all the bad jokes from LOL :)

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 21 May 13 - 09:14 AM

Just a query: If one were to book the Upton Ogood Kazzoo Band for ...let's say, a private function, do the umm... ladies come as part of the ensemble, or does one have to find one's own. Just wondering...like.
Anonymous Guest (ignore the Harmonium Hero bit, I'm typing this on sone hairy git's computer - he's not here).

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 May 13 - 11:49 AM

Well anonymous... not sure how you look but Harmonium Hero would be OK.... the ladies like hairy gits!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Gail
Date: 21 May 13 - 03:55 PM

Don't forget to get the "scratch 'n' sniff" cards ready for the Childe Ballads workshop. People had to improvise last year and it was not nice. Not. Nice.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Learaí na Láibe
Date: 22 May 13 - 01:34 PM

And to add an Irish note to the proceedings, Tomáisín Shéamuis Mac Rófhada will be organising the "Newly composed Sean-Nós ballad to the same auld feckin air" competition. Any songwriter unable to guess what "the same auld feckin air" is cannot be adequately immersed in the sacred "Tradition" (All bow yere heads)and will be eliminated. All songs must contain at least 18.5 verses. Any singer daring to introduce a chorus will be banned for life.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 23 May 13 - 06:02 AM

Which Tomáisín Shéamuis Mac Rófhada is this? On the west coast of Ireland there are whole villages where everyone is called Tomáisín Shéamuis Mac Rófhada. As a matter of fact I once stopped to stroke a dog in the village of Baile na Mallaithe Lobhar Coilíneacht, which coincidentally translates into English as Blitherscrum, and asked the owner what the dog's name was. He said "Tomáisín Shéamuis Mac Rófhada". But 18.5 verse sean nós song are nothing new;

Some of the singers are dismal and dire
And they go on for far too long.
And you'd wanna be careful to avoid an earful
Of the man with the self composed song.
His whole life's tale he will bewail,
His tears down your ears he'll pour.
And he'll set it there to a hackneyed old air,
You've heard a thousand time before.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 23 May 13 - 11:38 AM

Nice one Fred.... For general information, the local butcher is said to have some delicious meat pies this year. The taste of his meat pies has certainly improved since his wife disappeared last month without a trace..... Last year when I asked him for bacon...he said "Lean back" which I thought was a bit strange but I leaned back and asked him again.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 24 May 13 - 08:08 AM

Well, they should be an improvement on the fly blown old nag burgers he used to sell.

Come to think of it, you'll probably remember Ernie Pong who used to come every year, and never used to wash, and consequently used to stink the festival marquee out. Last year he disappeared just as the festival was about to start, and hasn't been seen since. Well, I was coming past the fast food stand on the Sunday last year and there, plain as day, was the stink of Ernie Pong. Only, this time, it was coming out of the festival beefburgers and kebabs. I believe the sewers were even more difficult to unblock last year than usual.

I wonder what happened to old Ernie.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 25 May 13 - 06:48 AM

No-one seems to have had a sniff of his whereabouts since!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 26 May 13 - 04:08 AM

Apparently James (6'4") and Rita (4'11") got married after meeting at the Festival last year. That's the long and the short of it!. They will be honeymooning in Outer Mongolia so will miss Friday and Saturday but will be at Sundays Grand Concert around the village pump. I phoned for a weather forecast for the area and have been assured there will definitely be some weather.
'Airport Contention's new CD has really taken off I hear and the song "Fly me to Blitherscrum" will feature at the Festival.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 16 Jul 13 - 12:53 PM

Well, Blitherscrum is over for another year and, once again, I am left to ponder the results of the Air Guitar Competition.

I have entered this competition every year since its inception and never once have I achieved a place in the top three - even in the inaugural year when there were only three entrants.

I know that my performance is amongst the very best, so I am now considering whether it is the model of guitar that I pretend to play or the strings that imagine that I am using that are holding me back.

Any advice would be gratefully received.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 16 Jul 13 - 01:43 PM

I had a word with the judges Vic and they have assured me that you would have won had you used an imaginary plectrum instead of the nail on your thumb! That should set you right for next year! On the whole this years festival went well... in fact better than expected. However, the lady with the wooden leg who kept hitting it with a wooden spoon in time with the bodhran player has been told that next year she will be banned if she does so again..........

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 16 Jul 13 - 01:59 PM

Easier said than done!
I have searched everywhere on the internet for air plectrums to no avail.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 16 Jul 13 - 06:06 PM

So...It's been and gone again. How do I miss it every year?....just good luck I suppose.
Vic: I gave up using air plecs. Kept dropping them , and they are a bugger to find.
JK

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jul 13 - 10:06 AM

There were a lot of happy and dsatisfied Festival goers at Blitherscrum this year... however:- Two children drowned whilst partaking in the trout tickling workshop.
Three men had heart attacks from over indulgence with the high cholestrol food eating challenge. One of the wives died of shock.
The marquee burnt down due to the 'Smoking' rule (ie everyone had to smoke in the marquee).
Several people had their rear ends bitten by the sewer rats which hid round the bends of the temporary toilets and only came out for a nibble.
Many people were injured whilst others were checking to see if the main hall really was only a stones throw away.
Such was the demand for bodhrans that several were stolen..(another theory was that they were destroyed when the marquee burnt down..but how they got there from the other side of the river in time for the fire is anyones guess)
Two people are still suffering from epizootic lymphangitis after stroking the cows which were wandering in the indoor camping site.
Five others also have the disease after bathing in the cows milk.
There were other things which marred last years festival but I can't remember them all can I?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Uncle Tone
Date: 17 Jul 13 - 12:22 PM

Can I please make an appeal for more toilets next year? Some of us are still queueing.

Tone

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jul 13 - 01:22 PM

Will try... I always though 'P' came before 'Q' but at Blitherscrum it's the other way around!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jul 13 - 02:10 PM

100