 sj |
||
|
||
BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein!
|
|
|
Subject: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Rapparee Date: 09 Jan 13 - 09:15 AM Andorra (RN) January 9. In a totally unforeseen move, the balance of power in Europe was upset last evening when Lichtenstein signed a contract with a band of manatee mercenaries. According to an unauthorized source, the contract, brokered by a consortium from Vatican City, Tonga and Monaco, provides for a force of highly trained manatees "to be immediately available" for war-like actions by Lichtenstein. France and Andorra immediately condemned the action, calling it "more unwarranted saber-rattling by a war-mongering nation." Andorra immediately called up its reserves and reinforced its borders and France began to again reactivate the Maginot Line. More on this as it develops. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: artbrooks Date: 09 Jan 13 - 09:40 AM I believe that this article is in error, principally because Lichtenstein has a relatively short coastline. No, I believe that the writer was actually thinking of mercenary macaques. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: GUEST,999 Date: 09 Jan 13 - 09:59 AM ". . . Lichtenstein has a relatively short coastline." As does Andorra; however, these must be dry-land manatees. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 09 Jan 13 - 11:00 AM I feel I must point out a blatant error in the original post. It says, "Andorra immediately called up its reserves and reinforced its borders...." Andorra has no reserves. It's entire army, which is funded by volunteer contributions, consists of twelve men whose primary duties involve presenting the Andorran flag at ceremonial events and funerals. All able-bodied Andorran men are subject to military draft if war should break out, but the army has no armory. The draftees would be required to bring their own weapons. The Andorrans have not fought in a war for 700 years. They did declare war on Germany during WWI, but never fired a shot. They didn't have to declare war in WWII because they forgot to sign the Treaty of Versailles which ended WWI, so they were technically still at war with Germany. I'm not making this up. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Little Hawk Date: 09 Jan 13 - 11:40 AM The growing power of Lichtenstein's ever-increasing military might is quite simply the most serious danger threatening the world today. It baffles me that Hillary Clinton has said nothing about the need to "contain" Lichtenstein, and that Obama has not even discussed the possibility of engineering "regime change" there. Are they mad??????? I don't think so. I think they're scared. They're too scared to even talk about it. Yes, Lichtenstein has intimidated the American Superpower into silence! Their influence over Washington makes the Israeli lobby look as weak as a pale fart in a hurricane by comparison. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 09 Jan 13 - 12:42 PM Not that it's 100% germane to the topic at hand (though one might well wonder how anything could be germane to the topic at hand), a Florida woman was arrested in 2012 for riding a manatee. Being a protected species, it's illegal to do much of anything with a manatee other than look at it. The woman's offense was discovered when she posted photos of her |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: artbrooks Date: 09 Jan 13 - 12:56 PM Uh - that was "riding" in the equestrian sense of the word, right? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 09 Jan 13 - 01:36 PM Yes Art, the equestrian sense. How one would accomplish the other type of "riding" with a manatee is... well, let me put it this way: I have a rather vivid imagination that's in no way averse to carnality, but even it hits a blubbery roadblock where manatees are concerned. Sex with a manatee is a concept that can be verbalized, but not visualized. Sorta like a moderate Republican. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: gnu Date: 09 Jan 13 - 02:15 PM Andorra wants you to believe it has no reserves. They learned how to be sneaky from the Dutch. Ever see a picture of one of all those windwills in the dark? No. They glow... enrichment facilities. And those quaint hats and wooden shoes? Rad suits. If them Lichers be gettin weapons grade material from the Dutch and have stealth manatees that can deploy them... kiss yer arse goodbye, eh? Thanks, Rap. I'll alert my neighbourhood watch. There's a crick only a klick from me that flows to the Mighty Petitcodiac that flows to The Bay of Fundy that's part of the Atlantic Ocean so the lads will be ready for the sneaky bastards in a minute man. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 09 Jan 13 - 02:19 PM Don't be silly! There are moderate Republicans. You just don't hear about 'em, cos it's not considered "newsworthy", same as you don't hear about leftist Christians who believe in evolution, for example...or Gays who don't believe in gettin' married. It don't fit the desired script these days, see? It don't push the debate in the desired direction of irreconcilable opposites. You either fit the rulin' gross stereotype of the hour like a friggin' glove...or you ain't gonna get NO media coverage! Matter of fact, some of 'em (the moderate Republicans, I mean) are jumpin' ship and joinin' the APP cos they are so disgusted with what has happened to their party. Now, as for sex with Manatees.... Well...hmmm... I think we got a definite "NO!" to that one, folks. It's unthinkable. Not even a Bonobo would consider doin' that. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Rapparee Date: 09 Jan 13 - 02:56 PM I was as amazed at the news as everyone else. But we don't know, we simply don't know, what sort of subterranean water system, what labyrinth of tunnels, underlie the earth we walk on. And if recent history has taught us nothing else it's taught us to emulate the Boy Scouts and "Be Prepared." |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: gnu Date: 09 Jan 13 - 03:07 PM I was a Boy Sprout and I totally agree! Always have seeds and spades on hand! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Little Hawk Date: 09 Jan 13 - 03:15 PM Yes, always be prepared! As Bob Dylan once said... "They asked me for some collateral And I pulled down my pants" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: michaelr Date: 09 Jan 13 - 03:25 PM Pedantry alert: The country's name is Liechtenstein. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Rapparee Date: 09 Jan 13 - 04:59 PM All of the title spaces were used up. Since "E" is the most commonly used letter in English I tossed it out. There are two more "E's" and that should be enough for anyone. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 09 Jan 13 - 06:38 PM Anti-pedantry alert: The country being discussed, dishonored, and disrespected in this thread bears little or no resemblance to the Principality of Liechtenstein. It is at least as imaginary as Chongo, possibly more so. As such, all preconceived notions regarding its proper spelling should be disregarded. That is all. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Amos Date: 09 Jan 13 - 06:53 PM Look, I hate to point this out but manatee have been around for hundreds of years. So sex among them is obviously not all that difficult, considering that they are kind of slow bumbling and clumsy characters who like to shuffle along the river bottoms sniffing up underwater grasses. They are very friendly, easy-going beings, too, and have a sort of anything goes attitude, tolerant of anything. So it is perfectly possible they would put up with trans-species overtures, I don't know. I swam among manatees in the warm waters of Crystal River, Florida, many years a go, and I put my arm around one. He towed me happily along the river bottom for a few minutes, until I had to go up for air. It was a terrific experience, I must say. A |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Rapparee Date: 09 Jan 13 - 08:19 PM Perhaps, Amos, you didn't smell sufficiently edible. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: artbrooks Date: 09 Jan 13 - 08:25 PM Or it was a hetero-male manatee. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: gnu Date: 09 Jan 13 - 08:50 PM While all of you have been bantering the Dutch have planned for another enrichment facility as soon as the next dyke has an errection. Yes, it's a result of the radiation. And NObody seems to care about the little Dutch boys that have to plug leaks in these dykes with their figners. For goodness sake! Do none of you care about the children? The Dutch and the Lichers must be stopped. This proliferation cannot be allowed to continue unczeched. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: MMario Date: 10 Jan 13 - 08:22 AM At least the Penguins don't seem to be involved; yet. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: GUEST,999 Date: 10 Jan 13 - 08:27 AM The Penguins had other worries due to the recent lockout. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Little Hawk Date: 10 Jan 13 - 11:41 AM Sage words of advice there, gnu. You are so right! As for Bee-Dub, he's obviously a paid agent of Liechtensteiner disinformation. He's attempting to lull people into a false sense of security. Ignore his false propaganda! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Little Hawk Date: 10 Jan 13 - 11:59 AM Here's an interesting tidbit of information: "The Prince of Liechtenstein is the world's sixth wealthiest leader with an estimated wealth of USD $5 billion. The country's population enjoys one of the world's highest standards of living." I would think the Queen of England is probably the wealthiest leader in the world. Can anyone confirm that? (Or would it be the King of Saudi Arabia?) |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: GUEST,leeneia Date: 10 Jan 13 - 01:45 PM It don't push the debate in the desired direction of irreconcilable opposites." Chongo, thank you for that apt summation of a complex situation. It is so, SO sapient. ============ I had the privilege of seein a manatee while on a boat ride in Everglades National Park. It consisted of two black circles (nostils) above murky water. The captain of our boat beamsed, his eyes sparkled, and he cried "THAT was a manatee sighting!" I agreed, because I felt I was lucky to ger that. ========= LH, before you get jealous, remember that the Prince of Liechtenstein is only worth $5 billion as long as he doesn't try to sell much of his paper assets and get real money. As soon as you try to liquidate very much of that stuff, its value begins to slide downward. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Rapparee Date: 10 Jan 13 - 02:16 PM There are several more billions -- exactly how many is unknown -- buried in the dungeons and oubliettes of Vaduz Schloss. Pure gold and pure platinum bars. It is reported that there is also a room containing a very considerable amount of fissile material under on of the mountains in the country -- the reaction is controlled by cadmium dampers, but there is supposed to be enough for several hundred fission weapons. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Ed T Date: 10 Jan 13 - 02:19 PM Is this a NHL contract or draft related story? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Ed T Date: 10 Jan 13 - 02:24 PM Question: Are Manatees sexy? Answer, Well, yes, at least to another Manatee. those-sexy-manatees |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Little Hawk Date: 10 Jan 13 - 02:40 PM Actually, I bear no hostility nor envy toward the Prince, leeneia. I don't envy that kind of thing much. I was just surprised to find out he was that far up the list of "World's most wealthy leaders", so I thought I'd post it. The guy I envy (sometimes) is the friend I know who's had sex with every single woman he was ever even moderately interested in since he was 16 years old (and I kid you NOT)...because the entire female gender finds him irresistible for some reason! (Even he can't figure out why. He has theorized that it might be pheromones or something...he's not wealthy or incredibly successful or that sort of thing) I am dead serious about the above. EVERY single blasted woman who ever met this guy wants to get involved with him...and more than one woman I've been very seriously interested in or even downright in love with never even considered me because HE was around! (what you now hear is the sound of my teeth gnashing) Despite this, he's a very good friend. And a hell of a nice guy. While I do envy him sometimes for his extraordinary success with wooing women, though...I have to keep in mind the utter misery and incredible bullshit he's gone through WITH some of those women once he had them... Hmm. Maybe I'm luckier than I thought. He has possibly saved me quite a bit of trouble without even meaning to. ;-D In any case, my soul evidently had a different destiny in mind for me in this life. I was not to be this generation's Casanova or even its Romeo with his one unsurpassable Juliette. Nope. Not this time. I must have overdone it last time around. Like my buddy this time around. Life, like water, seeks to find its own level and achieve a balance between extremes. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Ed T Date: 10 Jan 13 - 02:41 PM Could Manannán mac Lir be called in to assist? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Little Hawk Date: 10 Jan 13 - 02:49 PM Assist in what respect? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Ed T Date: 10 Jan 13 - 03:12 PM Manannán mac Lir could assist in the defense of the coastline. Though they may be short, as olde manatee proverbs state "a one-eyed mule is best not approached from the blind side". |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Ed T Date: 10 Jan 13 - 03:26 PM I anticipate a Haversack Ruse deception in the making. If so, deploying the Manannán mac Lir on the coast could be a counter-measure against such an invasion along the coast. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Ed T Date: 10 Jan 13 - 03:30 PM I expect Rapparee dealt with the Manannán mac Lir before, in his early Irish exploits. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Rapparee Date: 10 Jan 13 - 03:48 PM We used to go drinking together. At the pubs the women complained he was "all hands." |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Little Hawk Date: 10 Jan 13 - 04:54 PM Liechtenstein has an extensive coastline. Their entire western border lies along the eastern bank of the Rhine River. And that's a sizeable river, folks. This has enabled Liechtenstein to maintain a formidable navy, one which stands ready to achieve deep water supremacy over the oceans of the world as soon as the Prince gives the word (and as soon as they build a canal by which their navy can access the Mediterranean Sea, following the capitulation of Italy, Austria, and the other nations whose territory is in the way)! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: gnu Date: 10 Jan 13 - 05:03 PM "I would think the Queen of England is probably the wealthiest leader in the world." Does the Pope shit in the woods? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Ed T Date: 10 Jan 13 - 05:13 PM "Does the Pope shit in the woods?" I hope not, especially not along the woody and forested coastline of Lichtenstein. If it were so, that may require in a change in military strategy? We may have to dispatch Chongo to take a look, as he is an expert in excrement. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Little Hawk Date: 10 Jan 13 - 09:59 PM If he were to shit in the woods around here, he might be sorry, gnu. There's quite a bit of poison ivy back there. Yup, I'm betting that the Queen has more money than even Chongo can shake a stick at...and he's a damn good stick shaker. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: gnu Date: 10 Jan 13 - 10:05 PM LH... my point was that the Pope has a bigger hat and his own city. Although, neither of them have a hat with a beak and that sucks on a sunny day. At least I have a Bud cap with a beak so I don't have to squint to see my multitudes. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Little Hawk Date: 10 Jan 13 - 10:13 PM Oh, I see. So you think the Pope is richer than the Queen? Possibly. But my money, figuratively speaking, is still on Her Majesty. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Rapparee Date: 10 Jan 13 - 10:29 PM The Pope not only has his own city, his city is a sovereign nation called "Vatican City." He maintains his own standing army, called "The Swiss Guards", and those halberds they carry are ceremonial -- believe it or not, inside those baggy uniforms they carry modern arms -- including HK submachine guns. The Pope also has at least one helicopter. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Little Hawk Date: 10 Jan 13 - 10:31 PM Ha! Her Majesty has far more than just ONE helicopter. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: gnu Date: 11 Jan 13 - 05:13 PM Oh! LH... you mean "more powerful". BIG difference. Bee wins that hands down. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Ed T Date: 11 Jan 13 - 05:40 PM Anyone notice that every time the Manatees pronounce Lichtenstein, they spit on someone - it could have a military advantage? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 11 Jan 13 - 05:54 PM Spitting manatees are a prime example of the sorts of heinous fuckery those Lichtensteiners get up to. There's no end to it. Just one sort of heinous fuckery after another. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 11 Jan 13 - 07:23 PM And it's not just heinous fuckery, but heinous fuckery most foul. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: GUEST,leeneia Date: 12 Jan 13 - 11:44 AM Thank you, BWL, for invoking the memory of Shakespeare and adding so much poeticness to this dry, intellectual discussion. Vital, yes, but also dry. I think I'll look up where Liechtenstein actually is. Does it still exist? If so, what is its relationship to Grand Fenwick? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Ebbie Date: 12 Jan 13 - 12:53 PM Hey, I thought Americans are considered to be provincial? According to this: She is hardly earth-shaking, Queen Elizabeth II at 300m pounds is the 13th in richness. Most of the 20 top loaded-pocket leaders are in the Mid-east, according to this list but according to the list the Prime Minister of Australia married into his money. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Mercenary Manatees Sign w/Lichtenstein! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 12 Jan 13 - 12:55 PM Yes, it's always fun to drag The Bard into things, even if it is kicking, screaming, and by way of Christopher Moore. |
