BS: broken ribs

Subject: BS: broken ribs
From: olddude
Date: 31 Jan 13 - 09:48 PM

busted up a few ribs ... boy that is some kinda of fun when you still are fighting pneumonia. coughing is great fun ... NOT

anyway, best fix, forget everything the docs do ... duct tape the sons of bitches over a t shirt ... only thing that keeps me insane right now.

ouch

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 Jan 13 - 09:51 PM

Dan, what have you done now?

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: ranger1
Date: 31 Jan 13 - 09:55 PM

Ebbie, you beat me to it.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 Jan 13 - 10:02 PM

Notice that he ain't tellin', Tami.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Bobert
Date: 31 Jan 13 - 10:07 PM

I got good news and bad news, Ol'ster...

Which one ya' want first???

Huh???

I can't hear you... Never mind... Let's just start with the good news... Yer gonna live... Ain't that great???

Huh???

You want the bad news???

Okay... We're gonna have to take away all the stuff around you that you can confront and lose to... Get it??? That means yer car keys, yer guns, all kitchen related objects, tools, chainsaws, knives, pills, the TV clicker (who knows, you might to eat it???), the lawn mower, your shaver, nail clippers, rope (yes, rope) and any and everything that can hurt ya'...

But hey??? Yer alive... Just be more careful, man... I think you bust yerself up more than I bust my own sorry ass up...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Bill D
Date: 31 Jan 13 - 10:25 PM

What next? Hangnails? 'Bout all you haven't mentioned...

DO take it easy... no wrestling alligators, ok?

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 13 - 10:47 PM

Taping the ribs tight can and will bring on (or worsen) pneumonia. Be careful with it.

And for future reference, DO NOT land chest-down on your reserve chute! Don't land on your chest at all. That's why they invented the PLF.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jan 13 - 11:13 PM

So. I suspect a chandalier was involved. Obviously. BUT! Was it yer everyday chandalier you were hanging from or was it Crystal Chandalier?

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 31 Jan 13 - 11:24 PM

Get Well Soon, You'll Feel Better

love & (cyber) hugs to you

sandra (quoting favourite get-well card)

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: olddude
Date: 31 Jan 13 - 11:52 PM

Ouch ... I am ok .. I am still fighting pneumonia which they tell me is now under good control but the coughing is still awful .. anyway I fell and hit the coffee table during one of these episodes ...

I gotta tell ya .. boy does that hurt when I cough ... brings tears to your eyes .. I duct taped myself together .. dang brace thing wasn't working.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: JennieG
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 12:00 AM

Geez, Dan! as gnu says, stop swinging from the chandelier! or at least, make sure you are wearing your safety harness when you do......

Cheers and best wishes for a speedy recovery,
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: olddude
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 03:15 AM

MOTHER OF GOD THAT HURT !! just had a coughing jag .... I mean that will take the blue outta yer jeans ... HOLY CRAP that hurts ...

now I have broken ribs many times in the past, but Sweet Jesus never when I had Pneumonia ...

That is special ...

I must be gettin soft in my old age

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: GUEST,999
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 04:22 AM

You have my sympathy. Broken ribs hurt. So, you up for a few laughs?

I'll take your silence as a yes.


Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.


Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.


I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.


I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: David C. Carter
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 04:32 AM

Dan,If yer riding your motorbike today,and you decide to have a smoke,please use the ash tray provided on the handle bars;You know it makes sense.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: fat B****rd
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 04:34 AM

That's the way. Brucie.
F**k me, Dan. You don't just get a broken fingernail like most people, do ya?.
Take good care, me old love
Charlie.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: GUEST,999
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 04:52 AM

Hey, Dave and Charlie.

I broke four ribs once. But I did it honestly. I was about 27 and riding a bicycle. I noticed two gals--mid twenties--in short-shorts and halter tops. Warm day in rural Quebec. I was watching them and blam, I ran into a curb stone and a road sign. Arse over tea kettle. Hurt like hell. Laughter is the only medicine.

##########################################

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: GUEST,999
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 05:08 AM

Here's the answer.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: David C. Carter
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 05:08 AM

LOL

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: GUEST,999
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 05:12 AM

A zoo acquires a rare female gorilla from the African highlands. But soon afterwards, the managers notice the gorilla is becoming difficult to handle. A vet is called in, and after examining her, tells the officials that she's in heat. To compound the situation, there were no male gorillas at the zoo.

In desperation, the officials start asking their staff if they would satisfy the gorilla for $5000. Finally, one of the employees said he would think about it carefully and get back to them.

The next day, he turns up and and tells the managers that he would accept on three conditions.

'First, I don't want to have to kiss the gorilla, and second, I don't want to be responsible for any consequences of the encounter.'

The managers quickly agree to those conditions, and ask what the third condition was.

'Well...I'll need another week to save up $5000'

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: David C. Carter
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 06:18 AM

As we all know,our man Dan is very nervous and bites his own toe nails.

The fact that he's getting older,means his feet are further away than ever.
His "technique" is to stand on one leg,on the coffee table, in firm belief that the higher he stands the nearer his feet become,and crunch his way around his toes!he quite obviously didn't see the Jello smears
on the coffee table surface!

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Will Fly
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 07:29 AM

Jeezus, Dan - what HAVE you done now! Don't strap the ribs up - let them float to heal up. It hurts - but it's better for you in the end.

I've been there...

Anyway, for heaven's sakes, LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, damn your eyes!

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Bobert
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 09:32 AM

Couple of fine posts there, brucie...

Yo, Ol'ster... No duct tape, ya hear??? You go pullin' that stuff off and it will take your mind off the broken ribs as it pull every hair under it out by the roots...

B;~(

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 09:52 AM

Put pieces of duct tape on whatever patches of hair you can find anywhere on your body. Put 'em on really hard and tight.

When you start to cough, pull a piece off really fast. Just rip 'er off.

This pain will distract you from the other pain.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: jacqui.c
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 11:21 AM

Dan - if you don't stop this nonsense the Evil Sisterhood will have to head up your neck of the woods and REALLY do some damage. Enough already!

Anyway, take care of yourself - sending healing thoughts from Maine.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: The Sandman
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 12:19 PM

comfrey ointment externally, one of its names is knitbone

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 12:28 PM

Hey guys... lay off the jokes... I may injure MYSELF laughing.

Dan... doesn't 'your friend the doc' have ANY influence on you about how to care for these situations? Tough is fine if you are out on the front lines of a battle and no reinforcements coming... but they do have ways to make 'old dudes' in civilization feel better while they heal.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: olddude
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 01:55 PM

Ok, Bruce, make me laugh that is just mean :-) ...
Bill you are right, I probably should get something stronger from my doc. Last night was just crazy ... wow that hurt .. today .. feeling better

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 02:02 PM

So you're the guy who got nunchucked on the subway.
Feel better.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: kendall
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 02:48 PM

I'm not laughing. When I had that bypass they split me from belly to brisket and it hurt!

Take care my friend. Oh hell, why should I be different? if you fall, don't land on that pocket watch! :-)

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 02:49 PM

There are times, Dan, that I think you'd manage to hurt yourself if you were kept naked and alone in an empty sponge rubber room.

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 04:32 PM

Those duct tape on hair or lighter fluid ,matches and ice pick cures suck.

I used my arms to hold the broken ribs during a cough or laugh or crap but the relief was disappointing.
As long as you don't drink alcohol!!
you could try oxycodone in small 5mg doses which would dull the stabbing pain by half which is enough to feel thankful for, but still not enough to feel like singing loud. Do not exceed 20 mg in 24 hours.

Here is your prescription: I have a gub. Give me all the oxy you gog.








sorry if you laughed.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 11:41 PM

Ouch, ouch, ouch! Coughing when you have pneumonia or even bronchitis HURTS. I can't imagine what it feels like with broken ribs. Heal!

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: olddude
Date: 02 Feb 13 - 01:16 AM

It is true I seem to be a clutz lately ,.,.. I can tell you though, this is a lesson in agony .. damn that hurts .. every time I cough I want to die ... that is some kind of pain ... dang pills he gave me do nothing ah hell at least I know I am alive.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 02 Feb 13 - 06:48 AM

Coffee table?

You sure it wasn't your secret date with Shania?

;0)

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 02 Feb 13 - 01:54 PM

What ChanteyLass said! I hope there's something your doc can do for ya to ease the pain. I'd suggest something to take your mind off the pain,
but I can't think of anything that would do the job when you're coughing... except maybe a baseball bat.

Hope it improves soon...

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 13 - 02:54 PM

Look, why don't you come out here to recuperate? It's quiet, I've got a nice sunny room you can relax in after you clear away the snow in the driveway. We could go do some ice fishing, maybe shoot some skeet, play a little hockey, and there's not only a great downhill ski area but also a wonderful cross-country setup (including heated yurts for overnighting). The local fencing club is one of the Best In The West and we could shoot some hoops over in the City rec center.

What say?

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: frogprince
Date: 02 Feb 13 - 02:59 PM

Rap, I think you may have invented a whole new variation of sick. : )

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 03 Feb 13 - 12:02 AM

Olddude, as nice as the skeet shooting invitation from Rap is, I think you should hold out for an invitation from the president. (Rap, I hope I haven't hurt your feelings.)

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Feb 13 - 03:23 PM

Geeziz Man....I never opened this thread til I got to wonderin' where the hell you were and ran a history. Sorry..........But since now I know.......Just how big a Klutzoid are you anyway? 'Course now that I think about it, there are some coughs and sneezes and the like that can completely waste you under the right conditions. I told once about coming out of open heart surgery..................

When I had the quad by-pass, they went to great lengths to explain prior to the surgery about "What to do if you have to cough." They explained all the details of holding the pillow over your chest, arms crossed, etc. Then they said that this was traumatic to the surgical incision (read: chopping your breastbone in half with an ax--actually they use a nice little POWER SAW!!!). Then, as soon as you are off the vent, the first thing they want you to do is COUGH. Now I know this is to keep your lungs clear and prevent pneumonia, but you'd think they could come up with a "Lung Sucker" of some sort so you wouldn't have to wouldn't you? So you cough for them and they say, "Again...a little deeper this time." You wish at this point you were stronger so you could get out of bed and kick their collective asses.

After this comes the cruelest joke. You feel a sneeze coming on. All of a sudden, in that nanosecond before you sneeze, a whole series of thoughts fly through your brain which can be summarized by, "If a cough liked to kill me, this is gonna' be a motherfucker.......and the SOB's never MENTIONED sneezing!!!" After the sneeze, when someone has picked up the quivering blob on the floor that used to be your body and returned it to an upright position, thought #2 hits-----"Sneezes always seem to come in 3's." Uh-huh. Two more sneezes later, you are barely alive and wondering where you can steal some morphine when a nurse walks in and, after a check of your vitals, says, "Okay, now cough...Have to keep those lungs clear don't we?" You try to remember anyone you've known in the past who might be willing to drop by the hospital and beat this bimbo to a bloody pulp.

And why do they all say "we." Like, "We have to cough....We have to get our exercise....We have to take our shower." The main practioners of this plural art are always the most unattractive women you have ever met and you want to say, "Honey, I wouldn't get in a shower with you if I was being attacked by Killer Bees."

Get better Bro...........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Feb 13 - 11:08 AM

Play with this in the meantime

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Feb 13 - 11:11 AM

Getting graphics on to curved instrument surfaces is my speciallty.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: olddude
Date: 05 Feb 13 - 04:02 PM

You folks make me laugh .. dang it ... ouch .. been quite a haul. in and out of the ER room. The pneumonia has been stubborn. today I am at least upright again. No kiding I been sleeping like my dogs .. just wiped up ... They tell me I am getting better, got one spot on a lung that is concerning my docs but they will check it out after this all clears up. So far so good.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Feb 13 - 10:03 PM

Dan, you told me when we "met" that your name "olddude" was just what the *younguns* called you-- that you warn't *really* old, or anyhow not much older 'n me.

Now I know that *I* have crossed that line into my geezerettehood and really, that line sorta seems to have moved over just a tad in your case to include you, on the gentlemen's geezer team, too...


So be CAREFUL you old f*rt (OH NO don't do THAT it will hurt!) and remember they warned you upthread-- you won't want to be crapping anytime soon either... oh dear... but you really can never trust a f*rt so it's prolly too late?

I know *I* don't trust you anymore: why Dan, this wanton behavior of yours is just making you... unreliable as all get-out! :~)

I 'spect we'll jes' hafta keep on a-prayin' on ya....


Love,

~Susan & Greg

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Feb 13 - 01:17 AM

ome light reading before bed to feel drowsy in minutes

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Elmore
Date: 06 Feb 13 - 09:51 AM

No laughs for me here. Took a bad fall downstairs a couple of years ago. I landed on my wife. I had a spinal fracture, and recovered after a month or so. She hasn't been the same since. Anyhow, Old Dude, I wish you the best.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Feb 13 - 11:44 AM

Donuel... he can't read that! Tsk!

Much better idea is The Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith... all in English and ready to go.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Ebbie
Date: 07 Feb 13 - 11:04 AM

Dan, by now you're probably feeling MUCH better. So it is now OK to get off your tippy toes and walk flat footed.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: olddude
Date: 07 Feb 13 - 02:45 PM

Feeling better Ebb, yup can actually walk flat footed again ... as long as I don't cough :-) Still get tired out but doc says all good

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Ebbie
Date: 07 Feb 13 - 03:04 PM

How's the pewmoanya doin'?

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: kendall
Date: 07 Feb 13 - 03:41 PM

Just checking in old buddy.
Speaking of pocket watches, my old Illinois RR is right on the money. I think of you every time I draw it.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Feb 13 - 05:38 PM

And my Spiro T. Agnew is doing better than Spiro did...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 07 Feb 13 - 10:10 PM

I have a suggestion. Go on YouTube, search for Maru. Watch Maru about once an hour till you are better.

I used to know a lawyer who advised clients in stressful cases to watch Bugs Bunny. They'd say "What!?" and then they'd tell her it was great advice. It might help you get through this, but not if it makes you laugh rather than merely smile.

Maru will bring peace and contentment without laughter. Except for "Maru and the Big Piece of Paper."

I hope you get well soon.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: olddude
Date: 07 Feb 13 - 10:33 PM

I am feeling much better, doc says I will be fine. Just when I cough do I want to jump off a bridge but it is getting better for sure. Back to my old crabby self

love you
Dan

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Janie
Date: 07 Feb 13 - 10:35 PM

Glad it is gradually improving, Dan. Haven't posted much, but have been following and sending good vibes into the ether.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: olddude
Date: 07 Feb 13 - 10:46 PM

Doing quite well seems like I can finally sleep ... what a long haul .. gotta say this one was tough. normally I get over these things much quicker

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: frogprince
Date: 08 Feb 13 - 11:00 AM

Dan, I've been following and feelin' for you too; don't know why I didn't say so sooner.

Anyhow, it's nice that your crack is feeling better...

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 08 Feb 13 - 12:45 PM

my crack froggie ... LOL   that is mean making me laugh ...

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 13 - 08:38 PM

My father once broke some ribs by falling up the stairs. He was never one to do things normally. Yup, went head over heels up the steps.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: gnu
Date: 08 Feb 13 - 09:12 PM

I have not even wound my watch. Don't know as I would. It adorns the vest of my blue pinstripe suit in the closet and I await a special occasion to casually display it (read "show it off!"). I haven't yet picked out a tune to download to it but I have an idea. >;-) (Yeah... that joke is fer you, buddy... thanks again, Dan.) olddude? Nah... cooldude.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: kendall
Date: 09 Feb 13 - 07:52 PM

Laughter is the best medicine......usually

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 13 - 08:07 PM

I've wondered for z long time if you're THE Dan O'Connell. If you are you'll be 238 years old this coming August, which would explain the name "olddude". You'll be older even than Kendall.

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: olddude
Date: 09 Feb 13 - 09:02 PM

I am the original Rap ... thats why I am falling apart yup

Subject: RE: BS: broken ribs
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Feb 13 - 10:53 AM

heya Dandarlin', howya doing?