BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Aug 16 - 12:45 PM

More from William Cobbett, about "Paradise Lost."

"All this, and indeed, the whole of Milton's poem, is such barbarous trash, so outrageously offensive to reason and to common sense, that one is naturally led to wonder how it can have been tolerated by a people, amongst whom astronomy, navigation and chemistry are understood. But, it is the fashion to turn up the eyes, when 'Paradise Lost' is mentioned; and if you fail herein, you want taste; you want judgment even, if you do not admire this absurd and ridiculous stuff, when, if one of your relations were to write a letter in the same strain, you would send him to a mad-house and take his estate. It is the sacrificing of reason to fashion."

from "On the Subject of Potatoes", Cobbett's Political Register, Vol 29

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Greg F.
Date: 07 Aug 16 - 10:14 AM

I do not agree with some of your pov

Small wonder...   ;>)

but I admit I am impressed.

You shouldn't be, but thanks anyway!

Best,

Greg

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Aug 16 - 10:02 AM

Greg since you knew and understood that, I suspect you know a lot.
I do not agree with some of your pov, but I admit I am impressed.

Donuel

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 09:02 PM

Seasonally appropriate, ice cream abuse  

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 08:48 PM

Good ol' Alex Pope:

Let Sporus tremble—"What? that thing of silk,
Sporus, that mere white curd of ass's milk?
Satire or sense, alas! can Sporus feel?
Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel?"
Yet let me flap this bug with gilded wings,
This painted child of dirt that stinks and stings;
Whose buzz the witty and the fair annoys,
Yet wit ne'er tastes, and beauty ne'r enjoys,
So well-bred spaniels civilly delight
In mumbling of the game they dare not bite.
Eternal smiles his emptiness betray,
As shallow streams run dimpling all the way.
Whether in florid impotence he speaks,
And, as the prompter breathes, the puppet squeaks;
Or at the ear of Eve, familiar toad,
Half froth, half venom, spits himself abroad,
In puns, or politics, or tales, or lies,
Or spite, or smut, or rhymes, or blasphemies.
His wit all see-saw, between that and this ,
Now high, now low, now Master up, now Miss,
And he himself one vile antithesis.
Amphibious thing! that acting either part,
The trifling head, or the corrupted heart,
Fop at the toilet, flatt'rer at the board,
Now trips a lady, and now struts a lord.
Eve's tempter thus the rabbins have express'd,
A cherub's face, a reptile all the rest;
Beauty that shocks you, parts that none will trust,
Wit that can creep, and pride that licks the dust.

       Not fortune's worshipper, nor fashion's fool,
Not lucre's madman, nor ambition's tool,
Not proud, nor servile, be one poet's praise,
That, if he pleas'd, he pleas'd by manly ways;
That flatt'ry, even to kings, he held a shame,
And thought a lie in verse or prose the same:
That not in fancy's maze he wander'd long,
But stoop'd to truth, and moraliz'd his song:
That not for fame, but virtue's better end,
He stood the furious foe, the timid friend,
The damning critic, half-approving wit,
The coxcomb hit, or fearing to be hit;
Laugh'd at the loss of friends he never had,
The dull, the proud, the wicked, and the mad;
The distant threats of vengeance on his head,
The blow unfelt, the tear he never shed;
The tale reviv'd, the lie so oft o'erthrown;
Th' imputed trash, and dulness not his own;
The morals blacken'd when the writings 'scape;
The libell'd person, and the pictur'd shape;
Abuse, on all he lov'd, or lov'd him, spread,
A friend in exile, or a father, dead;
The whisper, that to greatness still too near,
Perhaps, yet vibrates on his sovereign's ear:—
Welcome for thee, fair Virtue! all the past:
For thee, fair Virtue! welcome ev'n the last!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Greg F.
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 08:17 PM

I think Joel Hägglund would approve, Donuel.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 07:29 PM

William Cobbett: from Chapter VII: Potatoes, in Part II,
A Year's Residence in the United States of America

The previous post gives excerpts only from the potato letter from 1815.
In this 1822 book, Cobbett reprints the potato letter in its entirety, and continues:

Now, observe, I never received any answer to this. Much abuse. New torrents of abuse; and, in language still more venomous than the former; for now the Milton and Shakespear men, the critical Parsons, took up the pen; and when you have an angry Priest for adversary, it is not the common viper, but the rattlesnake, that you have to guard against.

....I beg to be understood as saying nothing against the cultivation of potatoes in any place, or near any place where there are people willing to consume them at half a dollar a bushel, when wheat is two dollars a bushel. If any one will buy dirt to eat, and if one can get dirt to him with more profit than one can get wheat to him, let us supply him with dirt by all means. It is his taste to eat dirt; and, if his taste have nothing immoral in it, let him, in the name of all that is ridiculous, follow his taste....
Nor do I say, that it is filthy to eat potatoes. I do not ridicule the using of them as sauce. What I laugh at is, the idea of the use of them being a saving....
As food for cattle, sheep, or hogs, this is the worst of all the green and root crops; but, of this, I have said enough before; and therefore, I now dismiss the Potatoe with the hope, that I shall never again have to write the word, or see the thing.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 07:14 PM

William Cobbett: "To the Editor of the Agricultural Magazine.
On the Subject of Potatoes." 1815.   Quotes.

It has become, of late years, the fashion to extol the virtues of potatoes, as it has been to admire the writings of Milton and Shakespear....it is the sacrificing of reason to fashion....it is to fashion that the potatoe owes its general cultivation and use.
If you ask me, whether fashion can possibly make a nation prefer one sort of diet to another, I ask you what it is that can make a nation admire Shakespear? What is it that can make them call him a "Divine Bard,"   nine-tenths of whose works are made up of such trash as no decent man, now-a-days, would not be ashamed, and even afraid, to put his name to? What can make an audience in London sit and hear, and even applaud, under the name of Shakespear, what they would hoot off the stage in a moment, if it came forth in any other name?....What can make them endure a ghost cap-à-pie, a prince who, for justice sake, pursues his uncle and his mother, and who stabs and old gentleman in sport, and cries out 'dead for a ducat! Dead' ? What can they find to 'delight' them in punning clowns, in ranting heroes, in sorcerers, ghosts, witches, fairies, monsters, soothsayers, dreamers; in incidents out of nature, in scenes most unnecessarily bloody?

...But, it is the same all through the work. I know of one other, and only one other, book so obscene as this; and if I were to judge from the high favour in which these two books seem to stand, I should conclude, that wild and improbable fiction, bad principles of morality and politics, obscurity in meaning, bombastical language, forced jokes, puns, and smut, were fitted to the minds of the people....

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 07:10 PM

Oh Mr. Block you were born by mistake
you take the cake, you make me ache
Tie a rock on your block and jump into the lake
please do it for Hillary's sake

Oh Mr. Block you're just a big fake
you're far from great, you're way too late
You are a twit for a tweet you're so easy to bait
So go and have a sinister fate.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 05:22 PM

Rapparee neglected to call us blocks, stones and worse then senseless things (remembered from 'O' Level Eng Lit, JMB, 1967, Julius Caesar).

Subject: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 05:11 PM

My reason for reviving this thread is to post what was written by someone two hundred years ago, actually.

See, Thomas Moore wrote a song that did not yet have its own Mudcat thread. So I started the thread, posted the song, and continued the thread with posts of parodies of the song. Which led to a lyric by the Rev. John Graham in defense of The Smiling Potatoes:

Sweet roots of Erin! we can't do without them
/ Poor Corporal Cobbett knows nothing about them...
(to be sung to the tune of Dear Creatures, We Can't Live Without Them)

Cobbett? Who he?
William Cobbett was unknown to me. A search of Mudcat threads will reveal that Cobbett and his "Rural Rides" are sacrosanct to more than one Mudcat member; good enough. But of course, not much help with the potato question. Therefore I had to find out where Cobbett stood with regard to potatoes, and so help me, I'm sorry I ever asked. It's bad enough how he feels about potatoes: that to feed them to pigs is an insult to the pig, never mind human consumption. But Cobbett's anti-potato rants, published and archived all these years, drag in his other pet peeves. That's the what of it: the how of it, his method of getting the feelings off his chest, reminds me of nothing so much as some of the Mudcat threads in the BS section.
In my next thread, some Cobbett quotes. I think this thread is a fitting home for them.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 07:14 AM

Haha Georgian!

If I read the Times like my sister,I might be able to spell innuendo correctly.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 06:19 AM

Innuendo is great. A really beautiful woman asked me for an example of innuendo yesterday, so I gave her one!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 04:25 AM

My snobby sister reads the Times newspaper (God!) but just occasionally she sends me some funny stuff. They had a list of expressions of foreign origin with definitions. Here are a couple:-

inuendo - an Italian suppository

magnum opus - a large Irish cat

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 03:29 AM

'Noisome weeds that need plucking and burning..' sounds like my garden at the moment. The blasted things are going mad, what with the unusual warm weather and a bit of rain.

I reckon you've earned the prize for your Shakespearian insults Rap. That was a magnificent display of erudite, eloquent and poetic abuse.
I can only admire and envy.

Keberoxu did well to resurrect this thread. I feel an irresistible urge to insult someone roundly. I'm not even going to Scotland this year, so can't jeer at the hairy-legged Scots. Who would like to be the butt of my evil tongue-lashing eh? Form an orderly queue please...

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 01:19 AM

All right.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 09:37 PM

No. Now, piss off!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 08:59 PM

You harpies and open-arsed surly pedants! You weak threads, you puny whisperers, crack-hemps, three inch fools and tired jades! You are a lewd mix of simpering strumpets and sneaking servants, naught but a rabble of vile confederates, a herd of boils and plagues, some quantity of barren spectators and base contagious miasmas of infected buboes! You light of brains, you fat-guts, you Judases and each thrice worse than Judas, you knot of mouth-friends, of dogs easily won to fawn on any man, noisome weeds that need plucking and burning! You counterfeit heroes, jealous of villains worse than yourselves, you dwellers in sewers, envious of the multitudes of your betters because of your poverty of wit! A pox of wrinkles catch you and hang as pestilence around your necks!



(Is that enough abuse?)

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 08:30 PM

Ah the good ol days.

Keboroxu, you are getting better at this.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Senoufou
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 06:51 PM

Heavens keberoxu, over two years ago! Seems like only last week.
I've been laughing my head off re-reading this thread. It's a real classic!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 03:43 PM

Madame Senoufou! You were in rare form here. What an amusing thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 17 May 14 - 03:30 AM

Akenaton, hahahahha!!! Must say that to my sister when I see her, she'll shriek!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: akenaton
Date: 16 May 14 - 06:43 PM

Hi Tattie, what are you doing among these weirdos?

Yer legs didnae look aw that hairy the last time ah saw ye....it wis jist efftir the clippin right enuff!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST
Date: 16 May 14 - 04:28 PM

I only put this here because it's an abuse thread.

10 million nutcases

How many people protested in Washington today? Singwringer and who else?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 16 May 14 - 03:17 AM

I would change to Lloyds then Tattie. Not so much keep appointments as not be available for them at all if a yes vote. Their AGM, hosted by Edinburgh probably means they will be able to drag William Wallace to London behind their horse and cart as they up sticks.

It is abusive excrement. That's the point.

Men in skirts. It'll never catch on.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 15 May 14 - 09:27 PM

Well I'm a pensioner but don't you dare come robbing me! I can still run fast in that tartan winceyette nightdress long enough to cover my hairy legs.
And let me abuse that effing bank that can't keep appointments. Oh yes, I'm totally angry, on the warpath, ready to hurl any insult you like at anyone who says they can't see us because they're on holiday/in a meeting/can't be ersed.
No idea what the last few days' posts are about, but sounds a load of abusive excrement to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 15 May 14 - 02:18 PM

Pickings even. He's already nicked your G. Ok Nu?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 15 May 14 - 12:03 PM

Robs pensioners? I suppose. Many are slow so the getaway is easier. Slim pickins, though.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 15 May 14 - 03:23 AM

Keith dresses in women's clothes whilst robbing pensioners.


zzzzzzz

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 15 May 14 - 02:12 AM

Musket, you posted your claim just 2 months after that Amnesty report, and you said the incident was not recent, so it should have been referred to in that report.
It is not because it never happened.
A sick and despicable lie.
Not abuse but a statement of fact.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 14 May 14 - 07:09 PM

"The increase in wisdom can be measured precisely by the decrease in bile. "

Friedrich Neitzsche

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 14 May 14 - 01:35 PM

No

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 14 May 14 - 01:29 PM

Now this is more like it, real abuse by the bucketload. I'm much happier now that I can read nastiness, insults and bile. Well done everyone!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 14 May 14 - 11:18 AM

Did you mean this?
http://www.amnesty.org/en/news/nigeria-children-slaughtered-schools-under-siege-2013-10-03

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 14 May 14 - 11:13 AM

Amnesty have not made such a claim.
You could have said you misheard the report or your memory played tricks.
An honest mistake.
Instead you choose to compound the lie with another.
Keep going.
Tell us how you know that Amnesty claimed it.
Will you share a link with us?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 14 May 14 - 09:09 AM

Take your pick over how many councils of mosques there are, but I digress. Repeating an account of an aid worker on the radio makes me a liar too, it seems. Although Amnesty International have made the claim too, so we liars are a growing breed.

Tell me Keith. Is it right to take money out of the collecting plate rather than put it in?

As you have no proof about your bible stories, does that make you a liar to be deluded?



Not nice is it?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 14 May 14 - 07:59 AM

Is tnis youth abuse?

:)

""Denmark's voting turnout for the 2009 EU elections was around 60 percent. Which isn't half bad—turnout for the 2012 US presidential elections was 57.5 percent—but still, there's always room for improvement. In an attempt to boost this year's numbers, Denmark's parliament opted to combat youthful voting apathy by giving the kids what they love—a raging steroid freak who decapitates hipsters and literally punches women into voting booths.""




"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark."  

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 13 May 14 - 09:03 PM

gnightgnu

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 13 May 14 - 06:10 PM

If you do not want to be called "liar" do not post such ludicrously false stories.
There were no Muslim school children chopped up and fed to pigs in Nigeria or anywhere else.
There is no such thing as "The Council Of Mosques" and the quote you claimed to have downloaded from their non-existent site could not be found by Google anywhere except in your post.

If you tell obvious lies expect to be called out, and if you can not make a case without lying, what is your case worth?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 13 May 14 - 02:29 PM

Generic abuse no? As for personal spats, fuck of with that shite. They don't belong on any thread. Having said that, I understand one must defend one's self against such abuse but that often gets threads closed and some people banned. Been there, done that.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 13 May 14 - 12:52 PM

No, it was you lying.
A while ago now, but you chose to bring it up again.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 13 May 14 - 03:20 AM

No hope for you if you can't get it up. Your biological usefulness to the gnu species is at an end.

I suppose in forty years or so I may need a splint to KEEP it up, (different thing entirely ) but for those this side of the pond , there is an old saying from where I come from in Derbyshire.

I'd rather live in Hope than die in Clay Cross.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 12 May 14 - 07:12 PM

A splint? How would a splint work on a flaccid penis? Are you fuckin nuts? Minds me, I got celery in the fridge that needs to be washed, cut and placed in salted water. BEFORE the hockey game. Thanks. GO HABS GO!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 12 May 14 - 06:20 PM

Celery, the most celebrated of aphrodisiacs.*

When I were a lad.....   My Mum used to boil the leaves of what we called Indian Dolphin, strain it and make us drink the juice. Indian Dolphin, which is, I found later in life, lovage, or fool's celery is not nice at all. It put me off celery for life. It remains the one food I will pick out of a stew and leave, even when it has lost its taste.



*Use it as a splint.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 12 May 14 - 11:42 AM

It's been terrible having to hold it all in for so long. If I don't insult someone soon I shall burst.

Who mentioned celery? Ghastly stuff, leaves great long strands hanging out between whatever teeth one has left. And those silly little pale green leaves in the middle. Raw it's bad enough, but cooked...GROO!!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 12 May 14 - 11:26 AM

4 f***ing days without even attempting any abuse! Just shows how crap mudcat is becoming. The posters are all wnakers (Well, have you seen how they spell gun) apart from me, and the mods are off their rockers.

There, I feel much better now...

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 08 May 14 - 08:12 PM

Hash pipe? What are U smokin? I haven't had a toke in over 30 years. I do my hash in an iron fryin pan... NOT in a pipe.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 08 May 14 - 08:01 PM

Putting chopped up celery in a hash pipe.

Early signs of dementia, I suspect.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 08 May 14 - 07:14 PM

I plead guilty. I was actually 'nice' and helpful earlier on some posts. I apologize profusely. But, the fact is, nobody has attacked my character or those of my fellow Mudcatters (except for the usual suspects and none of us could give a rat's ass about their ages old spat... incessantly blathering "NO. You are a twit." (Fuck me to no end eh?))

So. Here we are. Called out. Bring some game or sit on the bench. Come on you fuckin pussies! Put up or shut up! Either you have what it takes to be a champion of just or unjust as your case may be or you just fuck off.

BTW... I fried celery prior to adding chopped up roast beef, spuds, turnip and carrots. Thought I'd give it a go to see if it was okay in a hash. It sucks.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 08 May 14 - 04:33 AM

Being pleasant is disgusting. Threatening a Dutch Oven is disgusting..

No pleasing some bloody women....

Obviously comments about Scotland aren't offensive. I must try McHarder.