BS: Never...

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 01:36 PM

Whoo, man! I always get a five or better when I hit seventeen.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 01:01 PM

Well Bert,

I didn't add it because I've never heard it before and I haven't a clue what it means. Maybe I've led too sheltered a life.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bert
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 12:52 PM

I guess I'll have to add this one, since you all didn't. I thought it would have been one of the first responses.

...hit seventeen when you play against the dealer...

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Janie
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 11:44 AM

Adding to the advice regarding hot peppers - Never change your nephew's diaper within 6 hours of handling hot peppers, even after washing your hands thoroughly.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Rahere
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 11:28 AM

Put your trust in Princes. Or Civil Servants.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 10:57 AM

... let the loo run out of paper

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 05:59 AM

"Never let go of what you have hold of till you have hold of something else."

That law might apply to employment, wing walking, tree climbing ...

but it's the opposite of what you should do with relationships.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 07:59 PM

Never confuse blow, with suck, if you work in the vacuum machine sector.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 07:49 PM

""sleep with anyone crazier than you.""

I have done that. It wasn't that bad.:)

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 07:35 PM

...sleep with anyone crazier than you.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 04:59 PM

Never gorilla glue your guitar pick to your fingers.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Gurney
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 04:40 PM

Try to dry damp chili powder in the microwave. Burning chili will kill you. Your lungs STOP.

Kick your keys to the curb/kerb if you drop them whilst crossing a busy road. At least, not without being sure there are no drains there.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 04:00 PM

... at a loss

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 03:13 PM

"...fry bacon in the nude."

arrgghh... had almost forgotten that!

Well, not nude, just no shirt. Leaned against a doorway next to stove where wife was frying bacon. It got me in the armpit! Tender for 2-3 days.

Ok...

"Never let go of what you have hold of till you have hold of something else."
    -1st law of wing-walking, adapted to employment

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: artbrooks
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 11:34 AM

(1) Never put your cell phone in that neat cell phone pocket down by your knee.

(2) Never put trou in the laundry without carefully checking all of the pockets.

(3) Anybody got a cell phone they don't need any more?

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 11:18 AM

...forget that your dinner had a lot of hot sauce which is likely still on your fingers and in your moustaches, even if dinner was a couple of hours before the post-prandial sex!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 10:54 AM

Oh, I don't know. Role reversal can be fun!

I do the ironing whilst she lays on the settee farting.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 10:43 AM

....do unto others what you would rather not have done to you (or something like that)

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 08:02 AM

...fry bacon in the nude.

...go barefoot to snake stomping.

...go anywhere in your vehicle without a magnetic key holder stuck to the inside of your bumper. (Remember to stick a spare key in it.)

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Firecat
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 06:33 PM

...play bongos walking down the stairs.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 06:32 PM

Lock the boss's car with the engine running, and you are mile and half from the closest phone in January in Ontario. Or even your own, in front of the general store, with the heater running full tilt and the dog does not know how to open the door. Next step: spare keys - everywhere!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: BobL
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 04:21 PM

... corner an animal meaner than you
... do card tricks for the group you play poker with
... feed the cat anything that doesn't match the carpet
... pull the pin and then throw the pin
... say anything you wouldn't want on your tombstone
... watch laws or sausages being made

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 02:09 PM

Ing

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 12:44 PM

.... Nurse!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 10:44 AM

... again!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 08:53 AM

... mind!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 06:14 AM

You can cook an egg in a microwave without the shell if you first prick the yolk with a cocktail stick, toothpick, or other sharp point. Not the best way of cooking eggs though - there so many better alternatives.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 05:32 AM

Feed a greyhound dried meat..

Jesus H Christ! Anyone got a champagne cork and a hammer?

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Janie
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 11:42 PM

...eat pinto beans for lunch and spend the rest of the day in a small office interviewing people behind closed doors.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 11:38 PM

cross the M1 with your eyes closed...it brings bad luck

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 11:27 PM

Never put a raw egg in the microwave with or without the shell. Kerboom!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Midchuck
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 08:53 PM

Re, the warning above, about keeping your spare keys on the same ring as your "regular" keys: It appears that car rental agencies (here in the US, anyway) are now giving the renter two keys to the rental car - on one ring, with no way to separate them. What's the point?

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Janie
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 07:46 PM

Drop a heavy pipe wrench into the toilet bowl. What starts out as plumbing problem turns into also buying a new toilet to replace the one now cracked into two halves.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 06:11 PM

Oh yeah, the keys-in-the-hand trick. Also glasses (for seeing, I mean). Things not to have in your hand when doing all kinds of things. And places not to put the car keys down "for a sec" include in the trunk...

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Rahere
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 05:34 PM

Ah, well, we have Morris Dancers in the audience, so there's only one thing left never to try. Kind of makes the question futile, sorry about that.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 01:15 PM

Never crack the joke on stage about there being too much happiness in the world, saying you only mentioned it to the wife's sister in bed this morning, and forget your wife is in the audience.




And her bloody sister.

Oh, and the one about rodeo variant on doggy style didn't help matters...


In fact, stick to music Musket. Comedy has a habit of being funnier to some when your mates laugh about what happened backstage afterwards.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Charmion
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 10:47 AM

Never eat at a place called Mom's ...

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 08:37 AM

 Never Say Never - Justin Bieber

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 08:32 AM

kick a dog in the knackers when your hand is in his mouth....

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 06:54 AM

...play leapfrog with a unicorn!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 04:02 AM

Keep your spare keys on the same key ring as your keys.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: LadyJean
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 01:24 AM

Keep your keys in your purse. Carry them in your pocket. My mother used to scold me for doing that. It spoiled the line of my clothes, and make holes in my pockets she said. Then somebody grabbed her purse, and her keys.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bert
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 10:54 PM

Leave your guitar in a the car on a sunny day.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 09:30 PM

...squat on a portajohn seat with a $20 tape measure loosely clipped to your belt.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 08:52 PM

...throw an empty bouzouki case into the back of the van and drive 35 miles south to a paying job.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 08:07 PM

"filtered hot water does nothing for me"

"Have you tried it?"

No... but I know of a couple of people who did drink hot water. *I* intended to have coffee.

Even worse was the time I put in the coffee, but neglected the water. I caught that after about 30 seconds...before serious problems.

---------------------------------

Never predict exactly what will happen when you do something to wow bystanders... "watch this!" is quite enough...

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: michaelr
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 07:28 PM

Never handle hot peppers before taking a leak.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: bobad
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 07:08 PM

Never insert contact lenses into your eyes after chopping/handling hot peppers.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Charmion
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 07:01 PM

Never play poker with a man named Doc ...

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,#
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 06:27 PM

Never not carry a second set of keys.