BS: Men only, please

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 03:17 PM

Why did they cross a skunk with a gorilla?

To give the great brute a smell (1970s joke)

Why do women rub their eyes in the morning

Because they have no balls to scratch (probably sexist joke)

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 02:05 PM

Well, unless you have extras. Which reminds me of that ould one-upmanship joke:

A bloke sidles up to another bloke in the pub and says, "Hey, mate, between you and me we've got five bollocks."

"Really?" says the other, " Have you only got one?"

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 02:01 PM

"Yeah but I got tired of dangling the tackle in the
Washer, the spin cycle hurt like the dickens"

Jeez, Dan, you were only 57 balls short of a lottery machine.

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: olddude
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 01:59 PM

I gave up golf, mine dropped so low I was afraid of clubbing them

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 01:58 PM

That's Brut you brute.

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 01:40 PM

Speaking of baggy pants, I once knew a guy who wore pants so baggy that he could take three steps without moving a pant leg. Quite a sight, it was.

Reguar washing of a humans "front parts" should obviously also include the "rear parts" (front to back is recommended, especally if you aren't a gent). This is especially important f you wsh to get ahead in life, or plan to work as a plumber. I recall this good advice from a Red Foxx conedy album, where he expressed it more clearly by saying, "you've gotta wash your ass".

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: olddude
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 01:34 PM

Yeah but I got tired of dangling the tackle in the
Washer, the spin cycle hurt like the dickens

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 01:21 PM

Yeah.. splashing Brute all over.. those bastard 1970s Advertising creative directors...

F@ck me did it sting.... 😬

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 01:06 PM

Your washing needs at least five rinses. All that detergent is full of bleaches, perfumes, enzymes, brighteners and fancy colours, all of which does not remotely get rinsed out and which will make your b*oll*ocks itch like fury. I posted this excellent advice to the ladythread apropos of skin irritation but they're all ignoring me except to brag that their shit stinks too. Well let them bloody suffer from itchy undertitties if they won't listen, say I. And don't spray or splash anything scented in the vicinity of your family jewels. It'll make 'em itch like mad and I'm told it makes 'em taste terrible.

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: GUEST,punkfolkrocker
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 01:06 PM

Smeg is something we've only ever heard of in filthy jokes, but never experienced personally...
A good clean healthy bloke washes his tackle at least once a day... right...???

Anyway, can't speak for anyone else but after each wash I douse my balls in freezing cold water...
It's invigorating, and definitely wakes me up...

A practice I first started doing back in my teens after I read a magazine article about a popular middle aged movie actor
who had been put on this 'treatment' by specialist Drs to improve his fertility.
Cue photo of him holding his new born baby.


I also only wear baggy cotton trousers and oversized boxers to allow free circulation of cooling fresh air.

Back in my early 20s when I was 10 1/2 stone and a 31" waist I could carry off
wearing skin tight Levis whilst going commando...

[Probably what first interested my mrs to start stalking me in Poly Halls Of Residence...???]

But not something I should now be encouraged to do.... 😜

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: olddude
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 12:48 PM

What do you guys do about itchy balls. I use an electric sander meself. What is your approach

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 10:07 AM

Keep it up, lads. We may have started a bit later than them but we're only about 30 posts behind the women-only thread. I do keep ruining it by posting to their thread, unfortunately. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 08:45 AM

What about the silent P in wranglers?

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 04:00 PM

Gollocks !!!

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 03:51 PM

In interests of accuracy -- this one has a comma, the women's one doesn't.

AINTOS*

Accuracy matters.

≈M≈

*As I Never Tire Of Saying

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 03:37 PM

Dunni about a capital P. How about peeing standing up?

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 03:27 PM

I don't hold with favouritism. The Womans thread has a capital O, a capital P and a comma. I want equality!!

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: olddude
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 01:53 PM

In a can

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 01:30 PM

What about a Prince Albert ??? anyone ?????

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 01:14 PM

Why, of course not -- becoz she did it herself with her nails & mauve polish!

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Will Fly
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 01:07 PM

Mmm... can't remember. Was it the short, giggly blonde with the freckle on her chin - or was it the sultry, busty brunette with the sexy smile and the mauve nail polish...?

Whatever, they were most complimentary - and complementary - but not one of them mentioned the tattoo of a bluebird on your left buttock!

No codding.

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 01:02 PM

& wot else she tell u?

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 01:01 PM

Now there's real fame! Which one have you been talking to then, Will!?

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Will Fly
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 10:41 AM

So I've heard!

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 10:36 AM

Don't need a cod piece: I've got a real piece.

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Will Fly
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 05:55 AM

Anyone sport a codpiece these days? I've occasionally considered resurrecting the fashion a la Henry VIII.

A codpiece could be very useful in many ways - such as advertising space (make yourselves a spot of cash), folk club promotion ("It's a load of bollocks, folks!"), or your latest trendy art design. Comfy, too.

Eye contact with each other's codpieces - more hygienic than shaking hands...

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: olddude
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 11:25 PM

That was great steve still laughing

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: olddude
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 11:24 PM

Lol

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 07:57 PM

Jesus, Dan, fold the bloody thing in half and you wouldn't know whether you were coming or going...

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: olddude
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 05:35 PM

12 inches, I would have to fold mine in half for that small

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: GUEST,Ripov
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 05:02 PM

Don't belittle the powers of Daz - I remember my dad being quite amused by the lady saying "I use Daz, and I find I have three children" (oh bugger where does the full stop/period/point go?).

And in those days jeans had zips (nasty american imports both of them, so my mum said) that opened all the way down to the relevant bits, as opposed to the modern variety which barely expose the belly-button.

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: olddude
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 03:52 PM

Well how about the long unders with the trap door sadly I don't see them sold anymore. Lol

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 03:30 PM

"Left or right? I thought everyone had it looped up behind, with a neck halter."

Hmm. Bragging again, eh? Well mine's twelve inches, but I don't use it as a rule...

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 03:26 PM

That is very true. Very very true. Why, in the good old days you could get spectacularly good boxers from M&S in three-packs that eschewed the dreaded button. Alas, some friggin' eejit, presumably either a man in possession of a micropenis or a woman) decided that a silly button should be installed in entirely and precisely the wrong position. In the interim, until some real-man underpant designer sees the light, I suggest the following. Obtain a pack or two of Asda's five-pairs-for-eight-quid jobs, and snip off the buttons. Immediately. In an emergency (let's suppose, for example, that you have just accidentally shat yourself but are within reach of an Asda but have no scissors about your person), buy a pack, put on a pair in the Asda lavatorium (after a little clean-up, naturally, but don't overdo it) but make sure the button is undone. You'll get by until you get home. It's entirely a matter for you whether you decide that I'm speaking from experience or not.

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Paul Burke
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 03:10 PM

Left or right? I thought everyone had it looped up behind, with a neck halter.

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 02:51 PM

I like the boxers with the sort of overlapped slot that doesn't need a button. Whoever thought putting buttons on underpants was a good idea needs talking about. As if life isn't complicated enough!

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 12:56 PM

Yebbut if you wear knickers under your trousers you keep the undercarriage of the latter much cleaner for much longer. I'd far sooner stick a pair of dodgy-gussetted boxers a day in the laundry basket than a pair of trousers a day, which I'd probably have to do if I went commando (and no, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm simply one of those rare beasts, a man requiring freshness and hygiene of the "Biffin's bridge" department). I think we all know what we're talking about here. Understains, innit (remember the Daz adverts of the 70s, lads?)

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: michaelr
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 12:26 PM

I haven't worn underwear for 40 years, except for doctor's appointments. This has proved practical in a number of ways, including laundry-related.

There, now you know. You asked.

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: olddude
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 11:13 AM

Steve Lol can't stop laughing

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: frogprince
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 11:13 AM

If memories from long ago on the farm hold true, I was commando around the farm in jeans at least some of the time, otherwise in tightie whities. I quickly learned to hate Navy issue boxers; I was constantly partly in, partly out, and thoroughly uncomfortable. I almost always wear t-w's now; I would just as soon have the occasional skid mark or damp spot absorbed in underwear. For out-of-the-way-but-not-fully-optional beaches, colored flyless briefs. Sometimes on vacation travels, to minimize packing and laundry, commando.

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 10:56 AM

" I'll also wear them if I'm wearing loose fitting shorts and think someone may call the cops if they accidentally catch a glimpse of Long John Silver."

Well I wear baggy shorts almost all the year round, in the house or out, and always when indoors as Mrs Steve and I suffer from severe indoor temperature incompatibility, and she wins. Going commando in such circumstances carries the severe risk of inadvertently providing flashes of the meat and two veg up one leg of the shorts unless I permanently avoid the alpha male legs-akimbo thing by sitting primly with my legs together, little girl fashion, which I don't. A number of photos of me have had to be deleted for this reason (they are known as "crotch shots"). Actually, wearing boxer shorts alleviates this risk only slightly, but it's a start. I'd rather risk a glimpse of the real me than risk the same wearing Y-fronts, which makes it look like you've stuffed a well-filled doggie poo bag up one side of your shorts. And women think they have bra difficulties. Tsk.

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: GUEST,Ian
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 10:14 AM

I think this song by Grant Baynham makes some pertinent points :

Save, Save the Y-Fronts

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: akenaton
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 10:01 AM

Ye cannae beat the kilt!   fur handiness!!

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 09:47 AM

I lost the underwear habit back in the let-it-all-hang-out sixties. I occasionally wear briefs, particularly if I'm wearing dress pants and/or a shirt that needs to be tucked in. I'll also wear them if I'm wearing loose fitting shorts and think someone may call the cops if they accidentally catch a glimpse of Long Average John Silver.

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: olddude
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 09:41 AM

Here is how you wash em
Put on the tightie whites
When they turn brown Throw them away
And put on a new pair

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 08:34 AM

I go commando summer and winter........I ain't no pussy.

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 07:19 AM

Denise: Dad, stop fiddling with yourself.

Jim Royle: I'm not fiddling with myself...I paid a quid for these underpants. I've got fifty pence worth stuck up my arse.

Denise: Mam, tell him.

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 06:33 AM

I stick to briefs as dancing can be rather uncomfortable without a little "support"

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: Mr Red
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 06:18 AM

when folks ask me what colour my underpants are I usually reply "commando" for the laughs but to be honest I prefer jockey. In the normal run of things with boxers you can get used to them but if you dance a lot, NOT. IMNSHO.

that the injunction contained in the thread title has thus far been obeyed - ladies are being more restrained and less vituperative. And they are in my experience.

Subject: RE: BS: Men only, please
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 05:44 AM

MGM... 5 minutes? It was 31 minutes. I'd say that indicates a predictable level of restraint, given the thread title.

Coloured underwear? Never. As your doc about non-gonococcal urethritis.

Briefs for me. Tighty-whities.