BS: Mrrzy is transitioning

Subject: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 May 16 - 03:59 PM

I am transitioning away from my assumed/assigned, gender and going with "neither" - I request that anybody who knows my first name refrain from using it, and that I not be referred to as "he" or "she" (you can use the neutral "they" or, either more or less appropriately depending on how you think of it, "it"). Thank you for respecting me as a person.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 May 16 - 04:03 PM

My friend's teenager is doing this....my friend (mother) is doing what she can to be supportive, so is the teenager's physician. Support is the name of the game, sounds to me. You have ours, for the asking.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: fat B****rd
Date: 30 May 16 - 04:28 PM

Whatever you desire, Mrrzzy. My best thoughts and respects to you. Charlie

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Senoufou
Date: 30 May 16 - 04:40 PM

Best wishes to you Mrrzy.
Eliza x

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Noreen
Date: 30 May 16 - 06:29 PM

All the best with the next interesting chapter in your like, Mrrzy!

I'd be interested to hear how you're getting on, from time to time- as much or as little as you wish to share.

Nx

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: bobad
Date: 30 May 16 - 06:36 PM

You're the third person I know who has made this transition. I must admit that it takes a while to become comfortable with using the desired pronoun, especially when you have known the person all your life in one gender. Slip ups do happen so don't be too critical of them when they do, they are inadvertent.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: gnu
Date: 30 May 16 - 06:54 PM

I always thought of you as Mrrzzy so this won't have much of an impact on me other than it seems odd some people feel any impact at all... if I read this right? Having said that, I hope things are cool with you in future.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 30 May 16 - 09:04 PM

This is totally irrelevant to the thread, but this topic got me musing about how I don't know the gender of quite a few people who post here. It would be invidious to produce a list, but one example (I hope she doesn't mind) was that for ages I thought the person formerly known as Stilly River Sage was a bloke, until she PMed me one day and signed off with her first name (she was probably telling me off about something). I didn't say anything, but you could have knocked me over with a feather.

Anyway, all the best, Mrrzy.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 May 16 - 09:25 PM

It's precisely because (some) people get knocked over with feathers when they find out people are a different gender than they thought, as if that mattered one whit outside the sheets, that has me abdicating mine...

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Padre
Date: 30 May 16 - 10:08 PM

Since you are a single person, rather than an aggregation, "IT" is the more correct usage.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 May 16 - 11:39 PM

I totally agree!

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Joe Offer
Date: 31 May 16 - 01:37 AM

My wife uses "transitioning" as a term for passing from life to death. I'm glad that's not the case for you. You've been a good friend for a long time, although I've never met you face-to-face.

I've always called you "Mrr" - hope that's OK. All the best to you.
-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Megan L
Date: 31 May 16 - 02:08 AM

Other than the few folk I have met or seen pictures of I have no idea of the gender of people on this forum gender like colour belief or any other group label is just another coat people wear the only important thing is the person inside the coat.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Mo the caller
Date: 31 May 16 - 04:09 AM

I have thought for a long time that it was a shame that there isn't a singular personal pronoun that doesn't make assumptions (IT sounds too impersonal, THEY is plural). And a title (if we need one at all). Am I Ms or Mrs - why can't I just be M.

To my mind he/she only matter at some times in your life, in your most personal relationships - why is it anyone else's concern.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Senoufou
Date: 31 May 16 - 04:14 AM

Oh that Miss, Mrs, Ms rubbish gets me raging! Also, I didn't adopt my husband's surname (too hard to spell!) and that seems to bother Officialdom greatly. The actual reason for contacting them gets pushed to the back, while they wrestle with my non-conformity!

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 31 May 16 - 05:52 AM

It would be disrespectful of me to make light of this serious topic, and that isn't my intention, but I have this private whimsical habit of trying to picture people from just their radio voice, their handwriting or their online demeanour. When I eventually see a photo of them or see them in person I invariably find I'm way off the mark. After years of knowing Joe Offer only from his posts here, recently I came across a photo of him and he didn't look anything like my imaginings (which I won't disclose, but don't worry, Joe, there were no horns sticking out of your head...). I find that being totally wrong almost every time acts as a corrective to prejudice...

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Senoufou
Date: 31 May 16 - 06:00 AM

Oh I'm always way off the mark with putting an image to a voice or written communication. And people's appearance changes over the years. I recently renewed my passport, and didn't recognise the old hag I've become in my new photo. It's so true, it's the actual person inside, not the outer shell, which is important. (Or so I tell myself as I avoid glancing in the mirror!)

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 31 May 16 - 06:12 AM

I look like a cadaver in my passport photo. The trouble was that you weren't allowed to smile. Mrs Steve's is even worse: she looks vicious and threatening, the opposite of her true demeanour. Put the two together and she looks like the murderer and I look like her victim. The worrying thing is that they were taken over seven years ago...

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Noreen
Date: 31 May 16 - 06:17 AM

I recently joined a new member to the library, who asked that their "title" on our records would be Mx rather than Mr or Miss/Ms/Ms- which of course I did.

I had not come across this gender- neutral title before, but Mx Google tells me that the usage has been around for some time.

Our system has now been changed to give Mx as one of the options in the title box, but this has made me wonder why we need to have these titles anyway, and I often leave that box blank.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Senoufou
Date: 31 May 16 - 06:19 AM

Hahahaha!! I wish it was just that Steve (not smiling I mean) but when I smile the wrinkles are like the Grand Canyon. I actually look as if a call to the funeral director is the next step.

The chap who took them said there was a problem. I immediately thought my face was too ugly to submit to the Passport Office. But no, it was just the background was too light. He did them again. And I looked just as ghastly. Sigh.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Senoufou
Date: 31 May 16 - 06:30 AM

I agree Noreen. It's just unnecessary. To borrow library books, one needs to disclose one's sex and marital status? Ridiculous.

I try to fill in online forms as just Senoufou Doodah (my first and last names I mean) but often the computer comes up covered in red and complains I haven't filled in all the boxes. Quite mad.

They'll be wanting to know the colour of our underwear next. (Greyish white, if anyone's curious!)

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 31 May 16 - 08:07 AM

When you start to look like your passport photo, it's time to take a holiday.

DC

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 31 May 16 - 08:14 AM

When you start to look like your passport photo, you're probably dead, Doug!

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Pete from seven stars link
Date: 31 May 16 - 08:34 AM

Being uncertain of this , I non the less wish you the very best, and that life will be kinder to you than it has at times in your past. If l post to you, it is a person , regardless of how you describe yourself within your personhood and just use your name if that's ok with you. Best. Pete.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: mkebenn
Date: 31 May 16 - 09:56 AM

I'm with Noreen, if referering to a person in the third person, MX works for me, otherwise, their "handle" is fine, if it's gender specific that's their choice. The only 'catter Ive seen a picture of that didn't surprise me was LH. Mike

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 31 May 16 - 04:17 PM

MX in place of Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms doesn't completely solve the problem of gender identification. My father-in-law was Polish and while his and his son's family name ends in "...ski", my wife's and her sister's family name ends in "...ska". An alternative of "...skx" is not on offer.

DC

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 31 May 16 - 05:29 PM

I have a feeling that some Polish people use the same surname for both sexes.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 31 May 16 - 06:51 PM

Androgyny and 'gender bending' were considerable cultural influences in my teens and early 20s...

All us young adults involved in music, art, and theatre back then were bound to have been influenced to some extent...

I was very skinny, had good cheekbones and reasonable 'boy band' looks and, very long hair.
The first girl I lived with was prone to wanting put makeup and her silk scarves on me when we were drunk...
I'd almost completely forgot how much fun & excitement it was back then.

To see me now, tired and boring, getting fatter and balder, and far more 'traditionally masculine' you would never imagine I was the same bloke...!!!??? 💋

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Charley Noble
Date: 31 May 16 - 09:01 PM

Mrrzy-

If it's important to you, I'm listening.

May it give you joy!

Charlie Ipcar

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Mrrzy
Date: 31 May 16 - 10:11 PM

About people not looking like their voices - they don't cast actors who look like my images of characters in books I read, either.

And it's SUCH a relief.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Mrrzy
Date: 31 May 16 - 10:16 PM

BTW, for clarification, those 2 comments were unrelated to each other.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 03:25 AM

My sis in law made me laugh when she was lamenting her looks in photos and that people tell her to smile. So, she did, she said and "It was worse!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 05:27 AM

Mx in place of Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms doesn't completely solve the problem of gender identification. My father-in-law was Polish and while his and his son's family name ends in "...ski", my wife's and her sister's family name ends in "...ska". An alternative of "...skx" is not on offer.

Nor for members of Icelandic families whose names end in 'son' or 'dottir', depending on gender.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Jack Campin
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 08:26 AM

The way I see it, if somebody doesn't have the common politeness to post under their real name, they don't get to pontificate about what form of address is acceptable.

I am very unlikely to remember which poster this is, so they can damn well put up with "he or she" in future.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 09:02 AM

The word transitioning has gained this unique meaning.
I see this more as a return to a personal normalcy.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 11:16 AM

I like that - "they can put up with he or she" - lovely.

And yeah, for me it sure is, Donuel. The problem is that the US is so incredibly sexist it hasn't seemed possible for me to be a person here while being of one particular gender. So I'm not gonna be one particular one any more. As much as I can.

I'm starting name change proceedings. Almost everybody has changed my name in their systems (banks etc) but my work, by rule, has to go with social security's records, so I have to change that.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Megan L
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 11:34 AM

Jack there are very good personal reasons why people here might use a pseudo name. They may be very well known and use it to allow them to meet with people without being fawned over. Or they may be for example a single female who uses one for safety sake can you say STALKER or there may be family problems in their real life that using their real name could open up all sorts of problems.

As for your attitude whether or not you agree with or even like Mrzzy it would not harm you to show some common courtesy or not bother posting if you only wish to be rude.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Joe Offer
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 12:02 PM

I have my own reasons for wanting to use my own name at Mudcat. Using my own name has worked well for me, but I realize there is a risk involved. I think it is wiser and safer to use a consistent pseudonym. I do think that it is deceptive and wrong to post with multiple identities, or with no identity at all. To me, Mrzzy will always be Mrr, a pretty good person who has established a good reputation here, a person I have enjoyed spending time with.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Senoufou
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 12:12 PM

Jack, on most forums people use a username or pseudonym. It's more or less universal. As Megan says, it's for safety reasons. I think it's sensible. I don't see where 'common politeness' comes into it.
And your post did sound rather unpleasant...

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: mg
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 12:59 PM

it sounded almost like common politeness was not being practiced at the moment.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 01:01 PM

It's OK, Megan, mg, et al. Thanks.

And Mrrzy actually is the name I've gone by most of my life, socially.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Joe Offer
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 02:00 PM

Jack gets curmudgeonly at times; but he, too, is a good guy. I think it's kinda cool that you can come to Mudcat and choose a name, and be who you think that person should be. Of course, I would hope that we would choose to be our best selves. Some make other choices.

-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Senoufou
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 02:05 PM

When I joined fairly recently, 'Eliza' had already been taken by another lady, so I needed to choose a different username anyway. I rather like 'Senoufou', and thought that probably no-one else had that for their pseudonym!
I had been posting as Eliza for quite a while.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Pete from seven stars link
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 03:02 PM

Does it have a meaning , or you just like the sound of it, Eliza ?

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Senoufou
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 03:16 PM

It's the name of my husband's tribe in Ivory Coast. He's a Senoufou from Nafamadougou! (That's his ancestral village in the north of the country) His dad's name is Noufou. They seem to like that 'ou' sound!

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 03:40 PM

its a personal choice as to whether to use one's real name or a pseudonym. Pseudonyms are permitted under Mudcat rules, and it's got SFA to do with anyone else what identifier each of us chooses to use here.
IMHO.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Helen
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 04:23 PM

Mrrzy,

You have my greatest respect and admiration for having the courage to be who you are. I hope that this stage of your journey in life is the best! Like a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis, you can fly!

As to Ms/Mrs/Mx and Mr, having worked in government roles for many decades, I know that the only reason we need to know that is so that we can address letters politely and courteously, rather than starting the letter with "Hey you!". I imagine that a Mr who likes being a Mr would hate getting a letter addressed to a Ms etc, but I also see that it is a thorn in the side of people who need to identify themselves in a certain way or transition themselves to their true inner selves.

Like Steve Shaw, as a game of imagination I often try to visualise what someone looks like, but I am always pleasantly surprised by how much better and more interesting the person is in real life than my imagination has painted her/him.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 04:34 PM

And Mrrzy actually is the name I've gone by most of my life, socially.

How is it pronounced, Mrrzy?

As I have only read it, I think of it in my head as "Mitsy" but I suppose it could be pronounced similar to the river that Liverpool, UK, stands on (as in the 1960's song "Ferry Across the Mersey")

DC

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 04:36 PM

Well I've used my real name on every forum I've ever posted on and I never pull my punches. Not once in fifteen years, and after tens of thousands of posts, many of them utterly "controversial," has this got me into any trouble. Not once. And you could easily find out exactly where I live in two minutes flat, and I don't care. There may be real reasons for a few people to be anonymous, but I don't believe that anonymity is even remotely necessary for the vast majority of people. Sorry to disagree with some of my allies on this point, but I think that anonymity is bullshit. In another thread I'm still doing battle with a bigot who, until the rule change, posted both as bobad and as an anonymous Guest, in the latter guise frequently causing massive offence from behind his wall. There is not a single good reason on earth why he should have been able to do that, let alone still be allowed to post here. There may be exceptions to my no-anonymity point, but they should be rare. I'm with Jack.

Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 06:05 PM

My apologies. I haven't kept up with this thread but I intend to do so.

In the meantime, I have a question. A friend of a friend posted that s/he (I dunno) is "transitioning as a woman". So, is s/he "becoming a wo/man? I just don't understand the lingo. Makes it difficult to join in the conversation when you don't know what is being discussed.

Thanks in advance for any help provided for my understanding the terminology.