BS: Give us your bad poems

Subject: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 11:01 AM

Beware the juice

Willie Wony ate baloney
Mayonnaise on rye.
Then sliced a great big onion
and began to cry.

Nathan Faithin told Will Wony
steam this spicy meat
with pickle mustard on rye
its a tasty treat.

Willie Wony made the sandwich
but didn't know how high
to stack the steaming spicy meat
he stacked to the sky

Willie Won't he eat pastrami
stacked up to the sky?
You bet he did until he got
heart disease and died.

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 11:06 AM

What, you mean its Anti - sematic?

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 11:15 AM

yes I meant sematic.

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Joe Offer
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 02:40 PM

Hi, Donuel,
Here's some William McGonagall to keep you company. I used to make up bad poetry to annoy my children, and it's a darn good thing that I never wrote any of it down.
-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 02:58 PM

show us your LIMMERICKS

I think the rhythm entertains the brain almost like music. You know, an earworm.

Without clicking I know about ol William, posted his stuff to a poetry website and was heaped with praise.



no accounting for taste.

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 03:23 PM

I was just about to mention the great McGonagall but Joe beat me to it.

One not written by but inspired by the great man himself -

As I was walkin' doon the road,
I met s coo — a bull, by Gode!

Hi Joe - Been following your road trip :-)

Cheers

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 03:44 PM

The classic collection of bad verse - often by good poets having a bad day - is "The Stuffed Owl" originally published in 1930.

Here is a sample, by "Julia Moore, The Sweet Singer of Michigan".

The character of "Lord Byron"
Was of a low degree
Caused by his reckless conduct
And bad company.
He sprung from an ancient house
Noble, but poor, indeed.
His career on earth, was marred
By his own misdeeds.

Generous and tender-hearted,
Affectionate by extreme,
In temper he was wayward,
A poor "Lord" without means;
Ah, he was a handsome fellow
With great poetic skill,
His great intellectual powers
He could use at his will."

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Mrrzy
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 04:18 PM

Great poems, on the other hand, include all limericks by Edward Gorey

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Mrrzy
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 04:20 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Pancakes
From: Mrrzy - PM
Date: 12 Feb 02 - 12:54 PM

A buttery, syrupy, sugary waffle
Gee but I love'm sump'n awful
Pancakes covered with chocolate goo
OOH how I love them, ooh ooh OOH!

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Andrez
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 06:08 PM

I wish I was a little egg
in a nest, in a tree
and when you walk under me
I'd splatter thee with me.

Cheers,

Andrez

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 07:15 PM

I'm not a hump,
I'm not a chump,
I did not vote
For Donald Trump!

It is a fact!
Instead I went an'
Cast my vote
For Missus Clinton!

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 09:13 PM

I do not like niggers and Jews
I don't like them, I'm Trump the huge


Donald fears a Jew
What to do
I wish I knew
All Jews love money no matter how small




one Fish
two Fish
red Fish
Fuck Yourself


How the Trump sold Bracelets

The Lummox

Fox & Cocks

Oh the pussy you'll grab

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Mrrzy
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 10:36 PM

One fish two fish red fish fuck yourself ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 17 Nov 16 - 02:13 AM

On yonder hill there stands a coo,
It must have gone it's not there noo.

possibly McGonagall

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Mr Red
Date: 17 Nov 16 - 05:00 AM

I wish I was a moron, I wouldn't give a damn.
I wish I was a moron, my God, I think I am.

Spike Milligan.

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Nov 16 - 10:23 AM

No discussion of bad poetry would be complete without Edgar Guest.

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Mrrzy
Date: 18 Nov 16 - 09:44 AM

I never saw a purple cow / I never hope to see one / But I can tell you anyhow / I'd rather see than be one

Birdie, birdie, in the sky / dropped some whitewash in my eye / I'm a big kid, I don't cry / but I'm sure glad that cows don't fly!

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: frogprince
Date: 18 Nov 16 - 10:16 AM

From a fellow sailor, long, long ago:

Birdy with a yellow bill
Perched upon my window sill;
I lured him in with crumbs of bread,
And crushed his little @#%&*!% head.

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Nov 16 - 02:01 PM

The familiar parody:

I never saw a purple cow,
I never hope to see one
But from the milk we're getting now
There certainly must be one



and the original author's second thoughts:

Ah yes I wrote the Purple Cow
I'm sorry now I wrote it
But I can tell you anyhow
I'll kill you if you quote it.

This kind of reminds me of graffiti. Which reminds me, of the serial graffiti I saw once: all on the same wall, with every line visibly written in a different hand with different ink/pen.


Life is Dumb

Death is Dumber

winter's colder than the summer

I march to a different drummer

THIS GRAFFITI IS A BUMMER!

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Nov 16 - 11:21 AM

I miss graffiti chains. Maybe I don't pee in the right places any more.

Shakespeare, in a nutshell:

Romeo rode to the sepulchre, 'mong dead folks, bats, and creepers;
And swallowed down the burning dose - when Juliet oped her peepers.
"Are you alive? Or is't your ghost? Speak quick, before I go."
"Alive!" she cried, "and kicking too; art thou my Romeo?"
"It is your Romeo, my faded little blossum;
O Juliet! is it possible that you were acting possum?"
"I was indeed; now let's go home; pa's spite will have abated;
What ails you, love, you stagger so; are you intoxicated?"
"No, no, my duck; I took some stuff that caused a little fit;"
He struggled hard to tell her all, but couldn't, so he quit.
In shorter time than't takes a lamb to wag his tail, or jump,
Poor Romeo was stiff and pale as any whitewashed pump.
Then Juliet seized that awful knife, and in her bosom stuck it,
Let out a most terrific yell, fell down, and kicked the bucket.

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Nov 16 - 09:57 AM

Also: ( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3*Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0.

Trust me. It's a limerick.

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Nov 16 - 02:05 PM

I waited and waited FROM DISGRACES TO TRACES OF PARODIES GONE MAD
silliness ENSUES THROUGH mistakes that if real are sad
Finally the moment I waited for when a concert harp is found
Harpo gets his chance to make glorius posthumous sound.

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 23 Nov 16 - 02:37 PM

Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

Cheers, Spike!



Mary had a little lamb
She fed it on Scotch scallops
Every time it tried to walk
It fell down on its

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: bubblyrat
Date: 24 Nov 16 - 05:26 AM

My favourite Limerick is;

There was an old man from Saint Bees,
Who was stung on the arm by a wasp.
When asked if it hurt,
He replied "Yes, it does
-thank fuck it wasn't a hornet !

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 24 Nov 16 - 07:03 AM

My favourite limerick is so bloody racist that I can't reproduce it here. These two come high up the list though:

From deep in the crypt of St Giles
Came a scream that resounded for miles
Said the Vicar "Good gracious!
Did Father Ignatius
Forget that the bishop has piles?"


There was a young lady from Exeter
So fine that the lads craned their necks at 'er
And some were so brave
As to take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of their sex at 'er.

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 24 Nov 16 - 12:31 PM

One that can't make up its mind if its rhyming or blank verse

Mary had a little lamb
She put it in a bucket,
And every time the lamb climbed out
The dog was there to put it back again

Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: The Sandman
Date: 24 Nov 16 - 03:35 PM

Wiggle Wiggle
WRITTEN BY: BOB DYLAN
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a gypsy queen
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle all dressed in green
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle 'til the moon is blue
Wiggle 'til the moon sees you

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle in your boots and shoes
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, you got nothing to lose
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a swarm of bees
Wiggle on your hands and knees

Wiggle to the front, wiggle to the rear
Wiggle 'til you wiggle right out of here
Wiggle 'til it opens, wiggle 'til it shuts
Wiggle 'til it bites, wiggle 'til it cuts

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a bowl of soup
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a rolling hoop
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a ton of lead
Wiggle—you can raise the dead

Wiggle 'til you're high, wiggle 'til you're higher
Wiggle 'til you vomit fire
Wiggle 'til it whispers, wiggle 'til it hums
Wiggle 'til it answers, wiggle 'til it comes

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like satin and silk
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a pail of milk
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, rattle and shake
Wiggle like a big fat snake

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 24 Nov 16 - 05:38 PM

Oh well, if we are going down the blank verse road...

As I was walking by St Pauls
A woman grabbed me by the elbow
She said "You look a man of pluck"
"Come inside and have a sandwich"
"There's some for a tanner and some for a bob"
"It all depends on the size of your sandwich".

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 24 Nov 16 - 07:51 PM

Recorded from an East London Schoolboy

Poor little sparrer,
Poor little fing,
No fevvers on its 'ead
No fevvers on its wing,
Cant fly, can't sing,
Cut its bleedin' 'ead orff

alternative ending

Can't fly, can't sing,
Useless barskit!!
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Nov 16 - 09:39 AM

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I like Cornflakes
Can you skate?

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Bill D
Date: 25 Nov 16 - 10:24 AM

part of a poem,( part of which rhymed,)that my father used to recite:

"She's only the girl I love
With a face like a horse & buggy.
Leaning up against the lake-
Oh fireman, save my child."

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: The Sandman
Date: 25 Nov 16 - 01:05 PM

on friday november 25 at 18 04 pm i tried to write an ode.
mcGonagle was my inspiration to inspire my literary mode.
bridge over the silvery tay,inspired me to write this way,
on november 25 th at 18 04 pm on a miserable november day.

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 25 Nov 16 - 01:46 PM

Bill D
Would be extremely grateful if you ever found the rest of that poem
My mother had that verse as a song
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Nov 16 - 05:41 PM

I have revised and expanded my Donald Trump poem.


I'm not a hump, I'm not a chump,
I did not vote for Donald Trump.

Instead I held my nose and went an'
Cast my vote for Missus Clinton.

But woe is me, 'twas all for naught,
'Cause Trump he won, who woulda thought?

And those who cast a Trump/Pence vote,
In their self-righteousness do gloat.

Okay, you won! I will not whine.
Now please take down that fucking sign!

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Nov 16 - 06:04 PM

Mister Carroll! Did you not think to search the Mudcat Café itself!

I did one skimpy little search myself and was quick to find:

Leaning against the lake?

hmmmm....no blue clicky, and I tried. Well it's thread 120762, and I don't doubt there are many others....

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 26 Nov 16 - 11:12 AM

An attractive young lady called Dinah
Kept a music box in her vagina
The boys they had larks
To the sweet sound of Bach's
Toccata and fugue in D minor

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 26 Nov 16 - 11:27 AM

Mister Carroll! Did you not think to search the Mudcat Café itself!
No - didn't I'm afraid - (Jim will do, by the way)
Your post inspired me to try again - I came up with 'It Ain't Gonna Rain no More' and There Was a Little Man and I Fell Out of a Window' - so the verse is obviously a 'floater'
Many thanks
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: maeve
Date: 26 Nov 16 - 12:43 PM

Good find, keberoxu! Here you go, Jim: keberoxu's link

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Joe_F
Date: 26 Nov 16 - 10:55 PM

There is an entire anthology, _The Stuffed Owl: An Anthology of Bad Verse_, selected & arranged by D. B. Wyndham Lewis & Charles Lee (1930; Capricorn Books, 1962). It is especially impressive in that most of the poems are by reputable poets. However, the following, which comes from a Boston hymnbook, is anonymous:

Ye monsters of the blubbling deep,
    Your Maker's praises shout,
Up from the sands, ye codlings, leap
    And wag your tails about.

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: mkebenn
Date: 27 Nov 16 - 10:42 AM

From my mother:

When the weather's hot and sticky,

that's no time for dunkin' dicky.

When the frost is on the pumpkin,

that's the time for dicky dunkin'.


I recited this at a first grade "show and tell" which earned my mother a note from the teacher! Ah, it was a different world 60yrs ago. Mike

Subject: RE: BS: Give us your bad poems
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 28 Nov 16 - 05:18 AM

Mrs Brown had a wayward parrot, A pretty young thing called Flo.
Who was always swearing and talking, in sexual innuendo.
Mrs Brown went for tea at the Pastors, One Sunday evening last year.
Where she saw his old parrot praying and it gave her a clever idea.
She asked the Pastor at tea time, ''Can I borrow your old parrot, Rex,
To try to influence my parrot Flo, who thinks of nothing but sex.''
She took Rex home the same evening, He prayed all the way in the car.
She was really impressed by the old bird, whose manners outshone Flos' by far.
But when she put him in Flos' cage, She realised her greatest fears.
Flo said ''Do you want some Rex''? and Rex yelled.
''I've been praying for this for years''!!!!!!!!!!!!!