BS: stock piling toilet paper

Subject: BS: stock piling
From: The Sandman
Date: 02 Nov 20 - 03:27 PM

I see that the English are stockpiling toilet roll again, while the Americans are panic buying guns. Different priorities.
Quote Andrew McKAY

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: The Sandman
Date: 02 Nov 20 - 03:29 PM

Do the americans wash their arses in a bidet and then shoot them selves

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Nov 20 - 03:46 PM

2 generalizations..I have no idea what Brits are doing, but most Americans are NOT buying guns..
..and very few Americans have bidets.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Nov 20 - 04:19 PM

Its still an out loud laugh Sandman.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: The Sandman
Date: 02 Nov 20 - 05:17 PM

but it is possible to wash ones arse without using a bidet, are they washing their arses and shooting themselves in the foot?
the election will soon tell us, or are they getting ready to re elect a shit
Brits have been stockpiling toilet rolls during the earlier lock down that is a fact.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 02 Nov 20 - 05:33 PM

I thought a bidet was for washing my socks...Am I missing something?

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 02 Nov 20 - 05:39 PM

Isn't Bidet the Democrat candidate..???

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: The Sandman
Date: 02 Nov 20 - 05:55 PM

election: Americans start stockpiling guns as fears of post-vote 'civil war' rise

A gun shop owner who is getting "hundreds of calls a day" said new customers do not know how to go about buying a rifle or shotgun, adding: "They just want to buy guns. quote daily star

Panic buyers strip shelves of toilet roll and pasta ahead of ...
www.lbc.co.uk › news › uk › panic-buying-england-lo...
1 November 2020, 22:02 | Updated: 1 November 2020, 23:19 ... were low, mirroring the widespread stockpiling that took place ahead of the spring UK lockdown

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 02 Nov 20 - 05:58 PM

I've only ever experienced bidets on foreign hols. I've used them for washing me feet and/or Jaysus boots. There's something about the thought of shooting a jet of water up the ould "Bournville boulevard" that doesn't, in theory quite appeal. I'll stick to using the bog brush over the bath (I'm a hard northerner, lest ye forget). But I'm open to having a go some time.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Senoufou
Date: 02 Nov 20 - 06:08 PM

My husband never uses toilet paper, he thinks it's rather a dirty way to deal with ones bottom. He uses a plastic jug of cold (!) water and slooshes it onto himself while crouched over the toilet basin. This is how most Africans deal with cleaning themselves, a quick sloosh.
My friend in Norwich rang this evening and she told me that Sainsbury's this morning had numerous empty shelves, so people have evidently been stockpiling.
We'll end up with ration books, which I remember in the early fifties.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 02 Nov 20 - 06:30 PM

My daughter told me that Truro Sainsbury's were out of bog rolls within hours of the rumour of the lockdown. Insane.

I don't think I'd feel that comfortable with a quick swish of cold water. Mind you, you're talking to a man who's been known to resort to the "grassy slope technique" in extremis. There are three rules here: first, check that no-one's around (important though not crucial). Second, check for thistles (utterly vital). Third, do not use the same piece of grassy slope for at least two weeks (advisory only). It's an exceptionally efficient concept. More details on request.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 02 Nov 20 - 06:40 PM

My wife has ordered bog rolls from Amazon, as Sainsbury's failed to deliver any yesterday.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Nov 20 - 06:43 PM

Washing one's *whatever* ass/arse... was a problem for years. Never been in a house with a bidet. But a few years ago I discovered Viva paper towels which can be used after TP by dampening them slightly. They are both soft & strong. I get ones with half-sheet perforations and can fold it over a couple of times. It has made a huge difference in cleansing. (It is not to be flushed! Sewage treatment plants don't like them)I have a small lidded container with a plastic bag beside the toilet which I empty once a week when trash is collected.)

   I have no idea what is available the UK, but it is a great luxury in my old age. Slightly more expensive than toilet paper, but I think I save in the long run by needing far less TP.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Charmion
Date: 02 Nov 20 - 08:13 PM

Gents, this has been a very informative read.

I think I'll go away and forget I ever came here.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 02 Nov 20 - 08:20 PM

I once read, many moons ago, that the voluminous consumption of popcorn resulted in "a clean break." My mind boggled then and it boggles now. Can it be true??

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 02:51 AM

I stockpiling whisky.

Dave

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: DMcG
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 03:05 AM

I am not entirely sure if we are technically stockpiling toilet paper or not. For around five years, we have had a box of 48 delivered from a company that makes it from recycled paper. We got a box delivered by   the ordinary schedule in late January well before lockdown was mentioned, and have had another delivered since, again on the ordinary schedule. Since is not yet opened we currently have some 55 rolls. I would say it is not stockpiling because we have not altered our normal buying schedule in the slightest. However, I could see it being up for debate.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: BobL
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 03:42 AM

Steve, slopes (grassy or otherwise) allow the possibility of a mishap which I discovered when camping off-site. Never put your toilet roll down on one!

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: The Sandman
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 03:56 AM

i have a bidet i use it for ashing my feet washing my bum ,it has hot and cold water,save trees use a bidet its cleaner and better for the environment

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Senoufou
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 04:07 AM

Didn't the Romans use a shared (!) sponge on a stick? And I've often wondered what Eskimos used to do in sub-zero temperatures when they only had an igloo for a home and no toilet paper.
You made me laugh Steve, "...first check for thistles.."
On holiday in Tunisia, we were intrigued when we found that the toilet beside the pool had no toilet paper, but on a hook was a clever little pressure-hose with a nozzle. Husband was ecstatic, me not so much...

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 04:13 AM

"i have a bidet"

Huh. Bloody show-off...

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Senoufou
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 04:18 AM

During the first lockdown, our local supermarkets (Tesco, Morrisons and Asda) wisely limited sales of any item to three only. I think this might have to be put in place again.
Our bathroom is tiny, so sadly there's no room for a bidet.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Jos
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 05:59 AM

Steve, shouldn't there be Rule 4:
Check that nobody else has used the same grassy slope for the same purpose recently?

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Raggytash
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 06:36 AM

I am surprised that people are stock-piling toilet rolls.

I would have thought that they still have enough from last time they stock-piled them.

I saw some people with a trolley load leaving the supermarket that would have lasted us two for over a year.

I can only presume they have VERY large families.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Jos
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 06:58 AM

Last time people were buying up toilet rolls I overheard a woman on the bus complaining that there were none in the shops, but I noticed that she didn't take a copy of the free Metro paper, so she wasn't that desperate.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Senoufou
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 07:26 AM

Ha Raggytash, or perhaps they eat too many prunes?
Jos, we used to cut newspaper into squares and hang them on a nail for toilet paper, before Izal/Bronco shiny paper arrived. No 'soft tissue' for us then! (I seem to remember Izal had 'Now wash your hands' printed on each sheet.) Good for tracing paper and comb-and-paper kazoos.
In Greece, in the sixties, most little B&B-type 'pensions' were on septic tank systems, and one was asked to put used (!) toilet paper in a plastic basket beside the toilet. In that heat it absolutely stank.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Jos
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 07:33 AM

I didn't like Izal - it smelt funny. I preferred Bronco as it had 'Bronco' written in the corner in nice curly writing.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Raggytash
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 08:20 AM

Back in the 70's one of my mates was buying a small terraced house, the only one of us at the time.

He had the neighbour from hell.

However the neighbour only had an outside toilet.

One day when the neighbour was out my mate clambered the wall between the back yards and went into the toilet where he unrolled the hard toilet roll, smeared it with Fiery Jack and rolled it back up again.

:-)   :-)   :-)

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Charmion
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 08:26 AM

In the Ottawa Valley of eastern Ontario, the loo paper in public biffies was pale brown and subtly flecked with bits of bark from the trees it had but lately been. It was lightly glazed, not even a little bit absorbent, and came in small inter-folded sheets designed for a particular type of metal dispenser that was often found broken open and spilling clumps of paper on the cubicle floor. The trademark was Onliwon ("only one") and it was made by the E.B. Eddy Company of Hull, Quebec.

I thought it was unique in the world until my final year of high school, when I spent a few weeks in France and discovered European bumwad. All was clear! Obviously, the E.B. Eddy Company of Hull, Quebec, was trying for the, um, continental touch.

For the home, E.B. Eddy made "White Swan" loo roll, which was actually white and not glazed, but otherwise remarkably similar to its sister product. The neon swan gracing the E.B. Eddy factory, visible all over downtown Ottawa, remained in place for many years after the log drive on the Ottawa River ended, paper production moved down-river to Masson, and the vast heaps of pulp wood were cleared away from the riverbank on the Quebec side. I hear there's a park there now.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Thompson
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 08:47 AM

Sometimes the people stockpiling toilet rolls are carers in nursing homes, making sure they have extra supplies in for 30 or 40 people before things close down more than they have.
Senofou, the slooshing sounds better to me, but how do slooshers dry themselves?

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: SPB-Cooperator
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 08:50 AM

I've heard rumours that supermarkets that have run out of toilet paper have recorded massive increases in the number of copies of the daily mail sold.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Charmion's brother Andrew
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 08:52 AM

Something to give you a laugh as you "pause for the cause."

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Thompson
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 09:26 AM

While watching Chinese cookery videos I have discovered a cultural gulf in Europe. Apparently in other countries they have Tetra Paks of "cream style" corn! Why don't we have this here?

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Jos
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 09:30 AM

It used to amuse me that the toilet-roll holders at university were trademarked 'Dreadnought', and seemed designed to withstand any attempt by students to remove the contents for their own use.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Jeri
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 10:07 AM

One local store never had any, and said I had to get there for opening to find TP. The other local store rationed rolls, and always had some. Me? I buy the huge packs of double rolls anyway, so I still had some when the pandemic got going.

I still have some rolls from "before". I though I scored big when I found Cottonelle, but that stuff is terrible. You could probably wash it and re-use it. (The hardware stores never seemed to run out of sand-paper.)

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 10:26 AM

Cottonelle is wonderful! It is the other comfort I discovered a few years ago. Yes, it is rip resistant, but also soft. Could it be different where you are, Jeri?

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Jeri
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 10:42 AM

I like Quilted Northern, ultra-plush. It just seems like Cottonelle is too paper-like. I could use it to paint water-colors. You can fold it, and it holds a crease.
I'd much rather have a bidet, but then, don't you still have to dry your bum, or do you have one of those fancy toilets, that blow-dries your bottom with a gentle, warm waft of joy?

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 10:59 AM

When I started teaching in London in 1973, the toilet rolls in the staff toilets were locked on to the holders, and every sheet was printed with "Property of London County Council." The only bloke with the key was the school caretaker. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 11:08 AM

This has turned into a bidet thread in places.
I thought that bidets were intended for
[European] ladies, in the first place,
rather than for ... ugh.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Senoufou
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 12:16 PM

Good question Thompson. My husband usually swooshes, then has a very brief shower, then dries himself on his bath towel. Imagine having to shower every time one has a poo! A bit extreme.
(Probably TMI, but he swooshes when he has a wee as well! But no shower. He really is such a clean chap.)

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: gillymor
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 12:31 PM

My preferred brand

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 12:36 PM

*shrug* I think we used Quilted Northern at one time.... and Rita liked one of Safeway's brands for awhile until we ran out and she tried my Cottonelle... then she decided she preferred the blue package to my purple."de gustibus etc...

It's good to have choices.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 06:18 PM

This and another thread are running number 1 and number 2 in popularity. One is about shit and the other poltics.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Thompson
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 09:08 PM

Interesting, Senofou. Wouldn't work in our house - the toilet's separate from the bath and shower.
Golly, the American election is sounding like their Civil War replayed.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 09:42 PM

Folks here aren't buying guns, and toilet paper is still rather easily available. Disposable diapers not so much, but that's been the case for the last half-year or more. This being Idaho and rural state (except for the area around Boise, the state capitol, most houses have a firearm or more for hunting (it's elk and deer season for large game; small game (rabbits and squirrels); and waterfowl, partridge, quail, and pheasant for birds). Of course, the media has blown the nut jobs out of proportion to where you'd think the entire state was run by Nazis when it's really on the northern half (quick escape to Canada).

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Thompson
Date: 04 Nov 20 - 01:19 AM

It probably varies in different places. We're seeing reports here that US gun sales overall are soaring.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: robomatic
Date: 04 Nov 20 - 07:08 PM

stockpiling is the nice word.
hoarding is the not so nice word.

I have not found it necessary to hoard anything, but when there is a sale on perrier grapefruit water I buy three at a time!

Have only bought 4 rolls of TP since January, just because everyone else was doing it. Yeah, yeah, not that anyone's asking.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: The Sandman
Date: 05 Nov 20 - 01:16 AM

to dry your bum after using a bidet , there are several options you can use a hairdrier you can use a shhet of paper or you can moon

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Raggytash
Date: 05 Nov 20 - 03:15 AM

Having electrical appliances like hairdriers in the bathroom is really not a very clever idea.

In fact it is illegal in the UK to fit a plug socket in a bathroom unless it is 3 metres from the bath and shower. I believe the same pertains in Ireland.

It may be different in the USA.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Nov 20 - 07:20 AM

Use an extension cord. :^/
After each vote 'dump' the usual gang of talking heads are unrolled to clean it up. Supply chains vary but overall everything is available.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 05 Nov 20 - 09:24 AM

In fact it is illegal in the UK to fit a plug socket in a bathroom unless it is 3 metres from the bath and shower.

Almost. This refers to the fact that UK uses 240 volts for sockets.
Sockets at a lower rating for electric razors etc. are permitted, and are often incorporated into light fittings (over mirrors etc.)

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 05 Nov 20 - 11:56 AM

Tipping gravy onto a plush rug.
Is that "stock-piling"?

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling
From: The Sandman
Date: 05 Nov 20 - 12:15 PM

raggy tash, i use a fweckin extemsion cord .if i need to do it[use a haurdrier i do not use a plug in the bathroom, in case someone like you might arrest me in the bathroom, neither do i have a shower, , i suppose mooning in my own house is illegal, and walking into another bedroom to dry my bum is that illegal? has it never occurred to you that i might do that.   
thank god you will never be in any government or incharge of anything

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 05 Nov 20 - 12:49 PM

Using an extension lead to use a hairdryer in the bathroom is extremely dangerous. Grabbing a hairdryer to dry a wet arse isn't too clever an idea either. Bidets in European hotels come with little arse towels. I dislike that concept intensely, though I can't put my finger on why. Not that I'd want to put my finger on it, not by a long chalk. A good soapy wash, a good thorough rinse and the application of a thing we call in Cornwall "a bath towel" is the order of the day in m'humble. Mooning is a great idea as long as no-one in the house takes offence and as long as your neighbours aren't treated to the show. I have found that the untowelled meat and two veg and the Biffin's Bridge take far longer to dry than the actual arse itself, except for the very deepest inter-cheek zone. I do like a well-aired undercarriage, but that's just me.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: The Sandman
Date: 05 Nov 20 - 01:42 PM

of course its extremely dangerous to get out of bed and walk across the road.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: The Sandman
Date: 05 Nov 20 - 02:53 PM

Did i say that i was going to use an extension in a bathroom, i dry my posterior in another room, if you have been using a bidet for many years as i have you master the art of washing your anus without getting the buttocks very wet if necessary i dry my arse by mooning or by using a hair dryer on gentle heat in a different room, using a bidet is much cleaner than using paper and means less trees are cut down for dirty arse pwople who have to use toilet paper

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Nov 20 - 04:45 PM

My $50 electric snowmobile uses a half mile long extension cord that cost $500 each.

There is more than one way to solve the TP problem. If you eat enough oxycodone you will get so constipated you won't need toilet paper.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 05 Nov 20 - 05:39 PM

I have this vague feeling that we may be straying ever so slightly into "too much information" territory here, Dick, though I must say that I do admire your solicitous attitude to your botty hygiene...

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Jeri
Date: 05 Nov 20 - 06:48 PM

If you eat enough oxycodone, you might not even have to breathe any more.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: robomatic
Date: 05 Nov 20 - 09:58 PM

In the U.S. we have (120V 60 Cycle) receptacles in our bathrooms, they must be protected by GroundFaultCircuitInterrupters which should make it technically difficult to electrocute yourself in the bath.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: The Sandman
Date: 06 Nov 20 - 01:54 AM

cleaning ones popsterior [as the queen might say] with ahair drier gives a completely new meaning to blow job, one word of warning to if you sufer from piles wash ones posterior in cold water and then use the cold blwer, gives a new,eaning to stock piles

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 06 Nov 20 - 03:53 AM

Far, far too much information on here. Some things are very much best kept private. In m’humble, of course.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Nov 20 - 09:05 AM

The dexterity of the one handed folding of toilet paper to double the thinkness and provide another usage is an art comparable to Japanese Origami. String musicians and pianists are said to be masters of this art. It has something to do with independant finger control, say researchers with video evidence.
While this skill is not yet an Olympic event, it is universally recognized as a feat shared by a huge knowledgable audience.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 06 Nov 20 - 09:11 AM

Graffito on cubicle wall, Ratagan youth hostel in Scotland, 1973: "Economy drive - please use both sides of the paper."

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Nov 20 - 09:18 AM

Banjo players are among the fastest festideous folders and wipers.
Needless to say this is done without looking in competition, although training for these athletes does include video review.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Nov 20 - 09:25 AM

Like the quad for figure skaters the 2 handed backhand is a remarkable accomplishment for professional folders. It is often attempted and seldom achieved.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 06 Nov 20 - 09:58 AM

That’s better.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 06 Nov 20 - 10:27 AM

Amazon just delivered a supply!!

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 06 Nov 20 - 10:42 AM

I get mine from Tesco - just walk in and buy a pack.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: The Sandman
Date: 06 Nov 20 - 10:47 AM

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Backwoodsman - PM
Date: 06 Nov 20 - 03:53 AM

Far, far too much information on here. Some things are very much best kept private. In m’humble, of course.. quote
Bullshit

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Nov 20 - 11:12 AM

You don't need to read
the instruction book
for humans (most men don't)
about the care of the rectum.

You just need to adjust your diet
like the Chinese
to get by with the greatest of ease
and have the cleanest bum.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: The Sandman
Date: 08 Nov 20 - 02:50 AM

Graffiti on a toilet wall 2020, Cummings is coming ,thanks to Epsom Salts,
Trump has farted he now has departed

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 20 - 02:40 PM

I can spare a couple of sheets if someone needs some.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 08 Nov 20 - 03:10 PM

Used or new?

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: robomatic
Date: 08 Nov 20 - 03:20 PM

Are you saying that you can "spare a square?"

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Thompson
Date: 08 Nov 20 - 04:16 PM

It sounds like we all need those Toto toilets that the Japanese sell in large quantities especially in the Moslem world: they wash the bottom, dry it with a blast of warm air, and play a lovely tune as they do so.

Subject: RE: BS: stock piling toilet paper
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Nov 20 - 05:09 PM

Cheap Totos still avoid the plume problem you cannot see.
We have a new branch of medicine still wandering in the dark involving the gut biome. China has known this for thousands of years and have a medicine called 'poop soup'.