BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023

Subject: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 23 - 08:16 PM

The door creaks open to his touch. Inside there is the usual pile of bat guano, a very dry Christmas tree, and a lingering smell of barbecued auroch. A tentative tentacle waves. Bats swoop down from the rafters (the source of the guano -- the bats, not the rafters).

He ties his horse to the hitching rack and enters. Using his flint and steel he lights a candle.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: GUEST,Ghost of Mudcat Taverns Past
Date: 12 Dec 23 - 09:41 PM

Light filters through dirty windows, past the bar and the fireplace and the sometimes jello pit, but it doesn't quite touch the nether reaches of the building. The shakes on the back wall shimmer with shadows and a few ghosts of Mudcat Christmases past stir. Amos, Spaw, Mmario, Art Thieme, Katlaughing, Sorcha, Micca, Alice Flynn, and so many others. . . quickening at the prospect of hijinks and good stories.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Dec 23 - 12:09 AM

Outside a light snow has coated some of the clean electric snowmobiles and their several miles of extension cords. The garage door still has remnants of the image of Jesus Christ that was miraculously emblazoned into the wood by a lit fart. A distant plaintive whistle of a steam engine echoes through the woods.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Dec 23 - 01:23 AM

Perhaps a faint rendition of
Shane MacGowan's "Fairytale of New York"
animates the newly opened tavern.

"And the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day ..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 13 Dec 23 - 02:33 AM

the giant wombat wanders in ...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 23 - 11:46 AM

With a groan and the ear splitting squeal of unoiled and out of tune metal parts, the roof opens and overhead a sleigh pulled by eight huge reindeer circles overhead. A claw drops and fastens on the old, dry tree and hauls it up and away. The debris left behind is gathered by squid tentacles and the giant wombat and neatl stacked by the fireplace. In its place he puts a tub containing something far more pathetic than anything Charlie Brown ever considered for Christmas. Quietly he pours a glass of water and a glass of pure akavit in the tub in which it is planted.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Dec 23 - 08:19 PM

Oh Tannenbaum oh Tannenbaum...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 14 Dec 23 - 04:17 AM

The tree stir and starts to expand.
As the young teenager said to the actress "You'd better stand back, I don't know how big this thing's going to grow".

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 14 Dec 23 - 07:32 AM

happy squidmas

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Mrrzy
Date: 14 Dec 23 - 12:08 PM

More guano!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 14 Dec 23 - 12:38 PM

The Gnome walks up to the bar, orders a double whisky and knocks it back in one. Followed by a double rum, a double gin, a double brandy and a double vodka. The barman asks what he wants next

"I shouldn't really drink with what I've got" he replies

The worried barman what he has got

"About 14p..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 23 - 08:23 PM

“That’s okay,” says the barman, “all the drinks refill by means of a transdimensional transporter. Call it and if it exists you’ll have it. Amos set it up before he left.”

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 15 Dec 23 - 03:23 AM

In that case, make it a pan-galactic gargle blaster.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Mrrzy
Date: 15 Dec 23 - 05:16 PM

Tranya! croaks the bat, hoarsely. The long-faced bartender with the NextGen comm badge complies.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 23 - 10:35 AM

Oh dear, he thinks. It appears that some of the squidlets have gotten into the jello pit and have started a jello-flinging fight.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Dec 23 - 10:48 AM

The gnome pours the remainder of his gargle blaster into the pit and an amazing and refreshing transmogrification begins

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 23 - 08:44 PM

Parental squids (anyone who wishes to do so can check who's the mommy and who's the daddy) stop the jello fight and what passes for peace again reigns.

He goes to the bar and orders a simple Hákarl Cocktail.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Severn
Date: 18 Dec 23 - 01:43 AM

Severn waves hello to Les, the Lawn Moor, who not acts as caretaker and to DemiModo up in the bell tower. He checks his mailbox and finds a Christmas postcard from Defrosty The Retired Snowman who has happily settled down ino Antarctica with his Rose of Snowman's Land.

He sits down at the bar, orders a Zevia Ginger Ale from the alligator and asks if Mmario'stock of meat has been exhausted. Finding out that it hasn't, He orders an Auroch-On-Roll....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Dec 23 - 06:11 AM

Severn, please post the frequency of the radio station you DJ'd at.
When its sliced thin enough Auroch is as good as Pisstrami.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Mrrzy
Date: 18 Dec 23 - 07:59 PM

The bat hangs from the corner of the bar, upside down, clutching a lovely Irish coffee (rightside up), and placing the bendy straw carefully into a new whipped cream spot for each sip.

Having trouble which of Niven's bartenders waxed rhapsodic about drinking while *hot,* it nonetheless appreciates the advice, and the drink.

Spaw's ghost, on the nearest barstool, farts, and everyone in earshot turns and looks at the bat, who didn't hear the bass tones anyway, and doesn't notice. It keeps working on its Irish coffee, until (w)assailed by the non-auditory aspects of the atmosphere, whereupon it tosses off the last of its coffee, puts the glass on the nearest barstool, and flutters, rather half-hazardly, to the other end of the bar. Dig them rechargeable glasses!

Well, that barstool *looked* empty... but therein may lie the other half of the hazard...?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 23 - 08:55 PM

Over in the corner in the circle the ghost of Amos puts on his Tilley hat and picks up his guitar.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Senoufou
Date: 20 Dec 23 - 10:59 AM

An old lady arrives, dragging a heavy sack. She asks, "Does anybody want all these crumpets? I don't eat them any more!"
An African man waves to the Bat, and takes off his sandals. "Want a bit of a warm-up mate?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Dec 23 - 03:13 PM

Whee! swoops the bat, down upon the proffered toes. One wingtip flicks a heavily-buttered crumpet within reach, as the glass that had been placed upon empty-seeming barstool, now refilled, recharged, and restrawed, appears to waft itself doen to floor level.

This calls for a different approach! All that whipped cream gets slurped up so the crumpet can be dipped in the coffee... pretty rainbows of butter creep across the surface. It takes three and a half crumpets to get to the bottom of the whiskey.

Yo, barkeep! What preserves have we? Damson plum, sour cherry?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 23 - 03:27 PM

Over in the corner of the Song Circle, Amos has finished tuning and breaks into a plaintiff Christmas Ballad. At least, it might be Amos singing or he might just be lipsynching this.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Dec 23 - 05:06 AM

sandra had been wondering when the crumpets would arrive & shared some with the wombat, tho the wombat, being a Giant Wombat, had a larger share.

Both thanked the kind old lady & the African man.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Dec 23 - 07:05 AM

The whiskey balls are gone and the apple bread is going fast but the fruitcake is untouched.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Mrrzy
Date: 21 Dec 23 - 10:53 AM

Touch me! Thinks the bat, in the belfry...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 23 - 04:55 PM

And the condor in the rafters is getting hyperactive.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Dec 23 - 06:14 PM

The giant wombat starts as an eldritch shriek emanates from outside the half-open window. It gets more and more unbearable, the pain, oh the pain.....

.....then the door opens once more, and a bagpiper strolls into the tavern.

"G'day, mate!" he says. "I'm Bruce, Sheila is coming too."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Senoufou
Date: 23 Dec 23 - 04:08 AM

The African Man has brought a pot of his dangerously fiery curry sauce, and he's put it on the table as a 'dip' with some crackers. The old lady watches as people try it then choke, cough and shriek! Buttered crumpets are offered, to dull the pain.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 23 Dec 23 - 07:46 AM

sandra did not try it as she can't stand firey stuff, but would still like a buttered crumpet

please & thankyou

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 23 - 08:06 AM

Even a butthard crumpet gets harder with age but these just melt in your mouth.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Dec 23 - 09:44 AM

Curry? CURRY? C'est pas l'Afrique, ça. Néanmoins, condor, bat, and various small dragons are now flying around breathing fire...

Lighting the 9 candles stuck in some poor individual's Labia Menorah!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 23 - 10:49 PM

To Donuel and others who have asked. The radio shows that I do are on WOWD FM 94.3 community radio within 7 miles or so of Takoma Park Maryland or streamable worldwide at
takomaradio.org
My two hour monthly shift on 'Ballads In The Morning" was on Friday Dec. 22nd from 8-10am an featured half music of Christmas and half of Winter in general and.d will be archived to the public for two weeks after it was originally broadcast by going to the above site.

You have a few days left before Christmas itself to time in and enjoy.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 23 - 11:20 PM

Batavia, one of bats from the tavern belfryt Tells our Australian visitor that there's yet another womb bat in the building, as she is pregnant. Glasses are raised all around in a congratulatory toast!

After the ghost of Amos finishes his song, Severn offers to start up one. When someone asks if he will be lip synching, Severn replies that he'd much rather cause jaws to drop than to cause lips to synch and launches into a traditional Floridian Christmas carol called "O, Tanning Balm" singing something about lovely limbs, before he is rudely interrupted by a loud crashing noise........

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Dec 23 - 12:20 PM

Synching lips loose ships, don't they? That crash musta been some ship coming loose, somewhere.

Salesmanship? Authorship? Worship? Yeah, the wor ship just busted out into some solstice song or other, but that wouldn't have caused the crash. Maybe it was the rhinoceri...

The dragons are going back for more riz sauce piment, as their fires were getting dim, as were the wits of the various folkies whose bats are in that belfry.

*The* bat has taken its head out of the sour cream it had dunked into to avoid erupting in actual flames, and is also going back for more. It looks like it has a white Santa beard, but it doesn't know it yet.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 23 - 08:14 PM

Up on the roof there is the stomping of reindeer hooves, the sound a sleigh brake breaking, and a not-so-jolly voice using definitely unChristmas-like language.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Dec 23 - 09:25 PM

Let the raucous sleighbells jingle
Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle
Driving his reindeer across the sky
Don't stand underneath when they fly by!

Is the flue open? Is the chimney swept? Is the fire out?

I wanna size 40 stocking! rumbles the ghost of Lee Hayes.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 25 Dec 23 - 03:20 AM

Hello? Are you open Xmas Day? I've got a tanker full of cranberry flavoured jello here for the tub and a trailer full of mistletoe.
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Dec 23 - 08:06 AM

Cranberry is just a tasty natural preservative but Mistletoe berries have opioid qualities.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Dec 23 - 08:35 AM

The bat is flittering around, clutching some mistletoe, hovering suggestively over varous folks...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: GUEST, Ghost of Mudcat Taverns Past
Date: 25 Dec 23 - 11:57 AM

Shadows at the back of the room shift but the source of light is indistinct. A faint strumming is heard and as it reaches the squids and bats and wombat they each settle into a quiet pose. People in the room notice the shift in energy and detect the guitar strings.

Amos starts to sing.

The room is silent, except for a few sniffles. He sings another.

Rapaire (old spelling) burps then blows his nose.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Dec 23 - 09:03 AM

The bat was singing harmony, but in ultrasonics...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 23 - 03:49 PM

In that order, for he is very aware that doing both together causes your head to implode.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Dec 23 - 12:37 PM

Oh, and don't even try to hiccup and sneeze.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: GUEST, Ghost of Mudcat Taverns Past
Date: 28 Dec 23 - 02:50 PM

Another shadow can be seen to shimmer, a taller form with a banjo is only in discernable when the head is turned and viewers glance out of the corner of the eye. It's Jed Marum's spectral form. The clear tone of the instrument is heard, then Jed sings Banjos We Have Heard on High, followed by The Scotsman. The specter chuckles and is heard to say "Brian Bowers just sang it, Mike Cross wrote it. . ."

His laughter fades into the eaves. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: GUEST,Ghost of Mudcat Taverns Past
Date: 28 Dec 23 - 03:20 PM

A shortish rotundish impish spirit shimmers into view behind the bar. No instrument, just a twinkle in his eye, he performs unaccompanied a bastardized version of The Franklin Expedition, followed by a number that the assembled room seems to recognize and sing along with, The Gladiator.

Whisky bottles are heard to clink as he fades into the mirror behind the long wooden counter. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: GUEST, Ghost of Mudcat Taverns Past
Date: 28 Dec 23 - 04:13 PM

A quiet moment after the last song fades allows a faint hum and whirr to heard in the large tavern space, possibly drifting through an air vent up near the ceiling. The wombat nudges open a side door on that side of the tavern to reveal a coat closet full of overcoats and boots but with a door visible in the back wall. Mudcat Recovery Ward is printed on an index card and held in place on the door with yellowed tape. The sound is louder now, yet still muffled.

A strangely conformed bird dog appears from nowhere (it snuck in behind Rapparee and has listened quietly all month). The dog snuffles and scratches at the Recovery Ward door until the latch releases. Now the tavern customers can hear the clear sonorous tones of Art Thieme holding court. The captive audience members in the Ward groan in their beds, and it isn't certain if they are in pain or reacting to the puns.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 29 Dec 23 - 01:56 AM

Today's wombats don't nudge, they IGNORE anything in the way to where they are going - they just go through whatever it is. My friend had to give up his plan for a lovely picket fence.

Manners were always better in the past ... everything was always better in the past says sandra as she reaches for another hot buttered crumpet while listening to the music of The Good Old Days.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Dec 23 - 11:55 AM

Honey badger don't give a dam, either. Beware their offspringing honey wombadgers!