BS: Never do X with Y

Subject: Never do X with Y
From: mousethief
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 02:09 PM

On the one Gordon Bok CD I have ("Return to the Land") he sings 3 songs about boats, and ALL OF THEM SINK. This led me to the following rule of thumb: Never get on a boat with Gordon Bok.

I wonder if there are other people one should never do certain things with? I thought this might make an interesting thread. Hope I'm right.

O..O
=o=
click the mouse

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Peter T.
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 02:21 PM

Never go anywhere near Bob Dylan on a personal level.

Never go walking with anyone in a traditional folk song.

Never be Helen Mirren's boss in Prime Suspect.

Never play an instrumental solo on a Louis Armstrong song, unless you are Jack Teagarten. It is a mistake.

Never sing a duet with a dead singer. Don't be a man in a Greta Garbo film.

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 02:26 PM

Personally, I wouldn't be flying anywhere in a small plane with anyone in the music business. Come to think of Stan Rogers, make that ANY plane.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: MMario
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 02:35 PM

never light a flame behind cletus

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: GUEST,Lyrical Lady
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 02:48 PM

...You can pick your friends ...and you can pick your nose ...but you can never pick your friend's nose...

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Midchuck
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 02:50 PM

Never hit seventeen when you play against the dealer.

P.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: sophocleese
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 02:59 PM

Never become friends with any private eye, security guard, or good-but-doesn't-play-by-the-rules cop on a TV show; you're sure to be robbed, attacked and possibly killed.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: GUEST,Lyrical Lady
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 03:01 PM

You should never post a silly thread ....look ...I did ...and now I can only come back as "guest"!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Peter T.
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 03:02 PM

Never leave Bill Monroe's band without his sayso.

Stay off of any train carrying Vernon Dalhardt.

Never be a junior officer on a Star Trek voyage. If you must be one, never, ever walk ahead or behind or anywhere near a senior star either going down a corridor or exploring a new planet. The best job on a Star Fleet cruiser is librarian. Virtually no one reads a book. No one ever goes to the library.

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jeri
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 03:07 PM

Never have an affair with a singer/songwriter, because you'll wind up as fodder for one of those...
"He was a mystery I thought I knew
Dependable and solid as an oak
But it was just his head, the rest was easily led
And now it's over and my heart is badly broke
Oooooiiiieeee, this ain't no fun
Oooooiiiieeee, my mascara's on the run and so is he
And now I'm left without a rhyme except oooooiiiiieeee"
...songs. Sorry, got a bit carried away there.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 03:34 PM

Never ignore anything blue, it may be a clicky.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Midchuck
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 03:37 PM

Jeri, that would have been a perfect example of that type of song except that some of the lines rhyme...Good, though.

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jeri
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 03:57 PM

Peter T, I beg to differ. The best job on Star Trek is as the voice of the computer. You get to be in every episode of every program or movie, and the worst thing that happens is you get a little silly once in a blue moon, when aliens take you over.

If you're a blues musican, don't get up until the afternoon. Lots of bad things happen right after "I woke up one mornin'." Besides, no one's likely to believe you, anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Wesley S
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 04:03 PM

Don't get on your bended knee at the crossroads.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Bert
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 04:06 PM

Never be a guest star on any TV series. It's certain death.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Catrin
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 04:16 PM

Always respect the rule of the sod:-

Never start walking after waiting for a bus for ages, it will surely shoot past you just while you're in between stops.

Never say 'oh it'll only take a couple of minutes to install this, look it says so in the manual'...

Never organise a surprise birthday party for someone on their return from work - especially if they're a binman.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: MMario
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 04:18 PM

But bert, Wayne Newton, when he first started out did a guest star appearance on the Lucy show....oh....I see what you mean...

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Mbo
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 04:39 PM

Never put crab legs in a pencil sharpener

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Morticia
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 04:50 PM

If you must go for world domination ( and let's face it, folks, who amongst us hasn't given it a whirl?) always shoot the hero straight off.......pausing to gloat,answer questions and/or manaical laughter will almost always ensure you wind up in the crocodile pit while the steely eyed, flat- bellied and square jawed creep gets the girl, the spoils and the dewy admiration of the whole world.....don't you just hate it when that happens??

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jeri
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 04:50 PM

Bad Mbo!!! I can just imagine the poor little thing hobbling around on the 7 remaining legs...

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: kendall
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:01 PM

never hold a cat and turn on a hair dryer. By the way, I've sailed with Gordon many times and none of the boats sank. Come to think of it, one did sink but he wasnt aboard at the time.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: bflat
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:07 PM

Never take your eye off the ball.

Never get on a train that has no destination.

Never give up on yourself!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:12 PM

Don't say, "Hey...Bite me bitch!" to Loreena Bobbitt.

If you have a Ford Bronco, don't buy Firestone tires.

Don't let Pete Townsend play your Gretsch "White Falcon."

If you're bothered by any type of music or any performer, don't talk to Meebo.

If you're having computer problems, don't ask Rick Fielding.

If you have a new thesaurus and are wanting to try it out, run a forum search on Peter T.

If you have a vehicle with a big engine, twin tanks, and they're both full with 56 gallons of premium, don't mention it to anyone in England.

If you are absolutely positive you know the EXACT meaning of "FOLK," keep it to yourself.

Don't suggest that Bob Dylan might not actually walk on water to Little Hawk.

Remember it isn't nice to insult a pissant so don't mention that they are related to Conrad.

Never suggest to a southerner that iced tea doesn't need sugar or that the beans have cooked long enough.

If you have a problem you want someone to listen to and yet want them to stay quiet about it, tell Bert. Its not that he's so honorable, he just can't remember what you told him.

Never attend a function with JenEllen that includes a barbecue, gas grill, or a kestrel, unless you are attired in Nomex.

If you open a Radio Shack store 425 miles from your nearest customer, you'll have time for Mudcat.

Never give Big Mick a potato if you want to eat it later.

Never try to explain the Edsel or Corvair to a German.

If you see any hard drives for sale at e-bay with a New Mexico seller's address, don't buy one.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: MMario
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:14 PM

Never fire until you see the whites of their eyes.

Never give up your reservation at the NYCFTTS.

Never post lyrics without checking the DT first.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:15 PM

Never go to work with a picture of your retirement present to you and utter the words 'only a few more hours and this baby's mine.....'

Never utter the words 'remember that little girl, the one I used to put frogs down her dress? Well she's gonna be my wife in just a few hours.....' if you are a cop, a fireman, a detective, a doctor or anything other than a librarian or a computer voice.....

And NEVER say 'in just a few hours, I'll be on that plane to *insert favourite holiday destination most likely to suffer a military coup/natural disaster/metal fatigue* .....'

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:16 PM

Never go to work with a picture of your retirement present to you and utter the words 'only a few more hours and this baby's mine.....'

Never utter the words 'remember that little girl, the one I used to put frogs down her dress? Well she's gonna be my wife in just a few hours.....' if you are a cop, a fireman, a detective, a doctor or anything other than a librarian or a computer voice.....

And NEVER say 'in just a few hours, I'll be on that plane to *insert favourite holiday destination most likely to suffer a military coup/natural disaster/metal fatigue* .....'

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:17 PM

While performing on stage, please beware ... Never sit on a chair, that isn't there !!!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Noreen
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:43 PM

Never press the Submit Message button twice......

Noreen

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Micca
Date: 12 Sep 00 - 06:16 PM

Never pass the port TOWARDS Morticia, ( or Liz) and check carefully that they havent left discarded offspring in your living room when they went home. It isnt a joke that "Bright Phoebe arises so early and so bright" she DOES!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Airto
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 06:57 AM

To turn the theme of the thread on its head for a second, singing songs about failing to make it in Nashville seems a guaranteed way to succeed as a country star.

Jeri, you're advice to blues singers is spot on. Great stuff.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Cavia_P
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 07:47 AM

Never underestimate a guinea pig.

I still don't know where the little b*ggers hid the nail clippers!

Cavia_P

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Gervase
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 08:13 AM

Never play poker with a man called Doc.
Never rub botoms with a porcupine.
Never drink rum on an empty stomach.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: GUEST,Michael in Swansea
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 08:27 AM

Never drink when you're unconcious.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Patrish(inactive)
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 08:42 AM

Never shave your legs the morning after the night before
Never leave hairdye on twice as long as the recommended time just to get a better effect
Never attempt to teach me right from left
Patrish

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 09:09 AM

Good one, Spaw! Although Little Hawk doesn't just think that Dylan walks on water: He thinks that Dylan walks on water and plays something defined as "music" all at the very same time!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Hollowfox
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 09:21 AM

(Back to Point of Origin) The songs are about boats that sink because, if the boat(s) didn't sink, nothing worth mentioning happened on that voyage.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Midchuck
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 09:59 AM

Hollowfox: We (Woodchucks' Revenge) often do The Mary Ellen Carter in our sets. In introducing it, we frequently explain that this is about the only happy, upbeat, inspirational-type nautical ballad we know of, for just the reason you state. If anything goes seriously wrong, the ship is likely to sink, which is a tragedy. If nothing goes seriously wrong, there's nothing to write a song about.

We go on to explain that Stan got around this problem by sinking the ship in the very first line. After that, it had nowhere to go but up!

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 12:24 PM

Never stay anywhere when you know that either Jessica Fletcher or Jane Marple are in the vicinity -you'll end up dead in a cupboard.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Mbo
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 12:39 PM

Never use a cold sponge.
(my sister Cbo's RULE FOR LIFE #2)

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 12:59 PM

For WHAT? What the hell is she doing with the songe anyway Meebo?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Skivee
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:01 PM

Never comb your hair with a blowtorch. Never run through the house with scissors in your head. Never drop ice cubes into boiling oil with a shovel. Never say,"Hey, everybody... watch this!", with a firecraker in your mouth. Never take out you contacts with a razorblade. Never open for Limp Bizkit with "Michael, row the boat ashore". Never answer the question" Does this dress make me look fat" with less than great care.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Grab
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:03 PM

If the man next door to you is a quiet type, keeps himself to himself - he's probably a serial killer.

Never try and put a cat through a small window it doesn't want to go through. I swear, it would have gone through if it hadn't star-fished itself over the gap, then wriggled and tried to bite me. And trying to bite the person holding you 6 feet off the ground, so that they drop you, is something the cat population should learn.

Come to that, the cat population should try not to sneak up the slate roof of our outhouse and in through the bedroom window. I tended just to catch them and chuck them out onto the roof. Fine, until the one night it had rained, the roof was a little damp, the cat couldn't get a grip, and I shoved it out a little harder than usual. A wondrous fingernails-on-blackboard sound as its claws scratched its way down the slates, followed by a "MRAOW" as it slid off the edge of the roof. (I was a bit worried about that, it being a neighbour's cat, but it was fine - it was a well-padded cat, so it must have made a pretty good airbag)

Oh, one last piece of advice - don't ever ask me to cat-sit. :-)

Grab.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: MMario
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:04 PM

Never pull Skivee's finger

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:07 PM

Never date Carly Simon. You'll probably think her songs are about you, even if they aren't.

Don't get a job as a White House intern. People will think you're a c***s****r even if you're not.

Don't try running your spell-checker on anything you've downloaded from Mudcat.

Don't bother reading any Mudcat thread that isn't about music. Uh, wait a minute . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: guinnesschik
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:12 PM

Never microwave your pop tarts if they're still in the package.

Never follow the directions on a tin of coffee.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:24 PM

Never answer the question "Does this make me look fat?" at all.

This isn't exactly the direction I had in mind for this thread, but it's not a bad direction when it comes right down to it.

Hollowfox: You mean the only interesting thing that can happen to or on a boat is to have it sink? You need to get out on the water more often!

O..O
=o=
click me

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: GUEST,Les B
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:26 PM

Never sit on the outside if there's gates to open.

Never visit a dark privy without a lamp.

Never swing your leg over the saddle if you don't know where the stirrups are.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:40 PM

never try to post a really clever answer to a thread that is already overflowing with 'em...

however..*grin*...I wonder if we could get Gordon Bok to write a song about Bob Dylan going sailing.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:45 PM

Ya' done good Bill.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: GUEST,emily b
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 05:16 PM

Never leave the cake out in the rain...

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Ebbie
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 05:50 PM

Never flush in the dark.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 06:04 PM

Never decide you're going to turn your tool shed into a winterized backyard cottage, suitable for pickin' and hidin' when you don't know what the hell you're doin'!

I did....and oh boy, am I payin' for my lack of construction skills. Pink insulation, vapour barriers, drywall (ugh), studs, patching compound (mud!) ceiling panels, and on and on! This is bloody hard work, and there's not one right angle in the shed! I'd have been better to spend the last two weeks on Mudcat discussing earwigs. Oh well, it's almost finished.

Rick (male-skill impaired)

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 07:03 PM

Peter, I'd like to add something to your 'Star Trek' don't: If you are a junior officer on a Star Trek series, or any sci-fi series, don't be Asian, and don't smile and talk about how good it's going to be when you get home from this long voyage.

---Lepus Rex

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 07:08 PM

Peter, I'd like to add something to your 'Star Trek' don't: If you are a junior officer on a Star Trek series, or any sci-fi series, don't be Asian, and don't smile and talk about how good it's going to be when you get home from this long voyage.

---Lepus Rex

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jim Krause
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 07:12 PM

If you're a woman, never go out with a guy named Willie, especially if he has a knife collection, or is a wine conneseur.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 07:16 PM

Soddy, what if it's spelled 'Willy?'

---Lepus Rex

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jim Krause
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 07:30 PM

And never go roller skating in a buffalo herd

Never grow peaches in a watermelon patch

Or petunias in an onion patch

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Naemanson
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 09:03 PM

Rick,

I am not male skill impaired (at least I don't think I am) but Satan will be skating to work before I'll do dry wall again!

When I built my house I insisted on paying someone to do that part of the job for me! I learned my lesson when I remodeled my kitchen in Georgia.

So the long and short is that you get a round of applause for doing it and having it come out OK. (It did, didn't it?)

Brett

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: sledge
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 02:40 AM

Satan just shot past on a pair of roller blades.

:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 03:37 AM

Never bring a bottle of Chianti, if invited for dinner by someone named Lecter.

Never shout "I don't believe in the God of Thunder" while standing on a hilltop, in a summer storm, wearing a suit of armour.

NEVER, EVER, take a pee in the countryside, without carefully checking for electric fences.

Never let a cord-wangler futtock your moolies with a woggling iron. (with apologies to the Kenneth Williams thread)

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Naemanson
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 05:16 AM

OOOH Crazy Eddoe, I've done that third one. Trust me, it ruins you whole week!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 09:49 AM

Don't expect empathy from people who don't even use their real names.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Peter T.
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 11:48 AM

Yeah but Rick think (1) how great you look in a work belt; and
(2) Now you can go into those bars in the North as a real construction worker type guy, and leave your guitar at home.

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: GUEST,Den at work
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 12:38 PM

Never let your mother brush your hair after shes had an argument with your Dad.
Never trust a dog to mind your dinner.
Never strap a dozen cats to yourself and take a cold shower.
Never go looking for a gas leak in a darkened basement with a candle. Den

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 12:49 PM

Never curse a bodhran player in a session. God loves them, and will punish you by sending you a man with a set of bongoes.

If you're playing the bones, watch out for any dogs in the place. Even if the bones are wood - dogs are optimistic about such things.

Never write a long and thoughtful post and push one of the buttons that deletes it all in a flash.

And Rick, I've been doing the same. I bought a concertina this summer, and my wife promptly came to the view that a new shed down the bottom of the garden next to the road where the traffic roars past should be an essential accessory. So I've been sound-and-temperature-proofing it, and the basic life rule is that everything is always much more complicated than it looks, with its corollory that if it was simpler than you thought, you've done it wrong. Fortunately I've never heard of studs or dry-walling and vapour barriers, so it was just tongue-and-groove panels, and screws and polystryrene.

a different Rick I take it (And for some weird and wonderful examples of shed culture and calamity try here!)

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 12:54 PM

This is "the different Rick" - me blue clicky went wrong somehow:

http://www.ricks-sheds-gazebos.com/

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 01:05 PM

Spaw - who says Dylan doesn't walk on water? After all, he can hold a note as long as Caruso, so I don't think walking on water would be too big a challenge for Mr. Bob.

Jim - I would be perfectly happy to date Carly Simon anytime, whether or not she puts me in one of her songs!

Hesperis - Okay, you've gone too far this time, by golly. I demand satisfaction! I will be at the corner of West Street and Mississaga (in front of the Opera House) at dawn on Saturday, with my seconds in attendance. I give you the choice of 1. rubber swords, 2. hamster slinghots, 3. platefulls of Rombo's spaghetti, or 4. peeled avocados (ripe) at 4 paces. Bring your weapons of choice and be there...or face a total and complete loss of honour, plus immediate expulsion for life from the NYCFTTS.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: mousethief
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 01:11 PM

But when Caruso holds a note for as long as he can, it makes you think how wonderful the human voice is. When Dylan holds a note for as long as he can, it makes you think that suicide might not be so wrong after all.

ducking and grinning,
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 01:30 PM

Actually Ratso, I was thinking that the word "note" and "Bob" appearing together is a somwhat bizarre concept to begin with. But Hawk thinks differently, although I don't know why since Bob never recordrd "Space Oddity."

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: The Lighthouse
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 05:50 PM

Never wear a red shirt on the original Star Trek. Except for Scotty, they all die!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: The Lighthouse
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 05:52 PM

And never insult seven men when all you're packing is a six shooter!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 11:01 PM

Ladies - never sit without lookin'

Never whistle while you're pissin'(or you may iminentize the escutcheon)

Never get caught in a mine cave in if you're name is Timothy

Never throw seven against a man named Stagger Lee (or Stack O Lee)

Never come in through the bathroom window

Never go swimmin' with bowl-legged women (that one was left for me in the tip jar while I was yodeling in tongues on my 50th birthday)

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Mbo
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 11:07 PM

Don't bend down in the garden, Granny, cause you knooooooooow thos 'taters got eyes!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 11:50 PM

Little Hawk - I'll take the option of "platefuls of Rhombos' spaghetti" at four paces. As long as you're paying, that is. Orange juice must be included. The last person to finish eating will win.
(As you can see, I'm confident that I'm a slower eater than you are...)
But not at DAWN! I have to work on saturday, sheesh!
Make it monday before song circle, and you're on. Fight to the last drop of tomato sauce!

(Besides, I'm not a member of the NYCFTTS quite yet, despite your efforts to remedy the situation...)

As for Bob Dylan, just because someone writes strange lyrics does not mean that they have the other inexplicable skills mentioned previously.

Leaping behind the hedge, and making a mad dash towards the far field, shapeshifting into Raven as she goes. Flying far away... no mere little hawk could possibly catch her...

Have fun in Newmarket tomorrow.
~*sirepseh*~

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Melani
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 01:02 AM

Never lean your back against and oak and expect it to be a trusty tree.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 02:05 PM

Never go to the well, riverside, lakeside, etc. with someone who has a pen-knife and whose love you have denied, turned down, abrogated, etc.

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: kendall
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 02:59 PM

Speaking of Dylan, has anyone else noticed how much his Dont think twice song resembles a much older song titled Who's gonna buy you ribbons?

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 03:02 PM

Don't write anything on the Mudcat that you don't want carved in imperishable stone...

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 11:23 PM

Correction. Don't post anything on Mudcat that you don't want people to know about...

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 12:45 AM

Yeah. I certainly don't want people to know about that inflatable doll of Margaret Thatcher that I....OH, SHITTT....!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 12:47 AM

By the way, Spaw, it hadn't occured to me that Dylan never recorded "Space Oddity" until you mentioned it. Nor has he performed it live in concert either, as far as I know...

Strange, isn't it? I wonder why?

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 12:55 AM

"Clothes Line Saga" aside, I think even Bob has certain standards of taste and I think he has a low tolerance for stupidity.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 01:04 AM

You're right about that. How's the cockatiel?

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 01:19 AM

Hmmm. Somebody's being very affable lately. Is one duel enough for you, Little Hawk? You don't want to provoke more of them, or something?

Or are you just too busy plotting something awful for the "spag match"...

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 02:19 AM

Never take a pee in the dark...the lid is sure to be down

Never be the new guy on the squad on Combat!

Never try to out-drink Hank Williams

" " " " " Jr

Never blowdry your hair in the shower to save time

Never walk into a Biker Bar and shout "The Brandy Alexanders are on me!!"

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 12:24 PM

Never say to a girl you haven't seen in some time, "Hey, really packin' on the old pounds, eh?" Or..."Christ! What did you DO to your hair?!!"

Never try to break up a fight between 2 cats. Or 2 females, either, for that matter. God help us.

Never try to assist a cat into getting out of a tree, unless wearing heavy gloves. He won't thank you for it, he'll try to kill you.

Never try to milk a cow from behind. A friend of mine did (at age 10) and the cow shit on his head!

Never try to remove a large football-shaped hornet's nest off your front porch by going out at dusk, slipping a plastic garbage bag over it, and snapping it off the ceiling with the notion of carrying it away. Our neighbour did that. The results were quite spectacular, to say the least. Hornets can sting through a garbage bag quite easily. He was jumping around yelling for his wife or daughter to bring a twist tie. The wife and daughter fled instantly, and he had to find another solution. I leave it to your imagination.

Never try to destroy a yellowjacket nest in your roof soffets with a blowtorch. Another neighbour tried that, and he was on a ladder at the time. Go figure.

Never try to attach a "kick me" sign to a mule's rear end.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jed at Work
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 01:42 PM

Never try to teach a pig to sing. You won't be successful and it only annoys the pig.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: GUEST,rabbitrunning
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 02:19 PM

Never keep your brand new keen "Icy Hot" push-up dispenser thingie right next to your standard been buying it for years "Right Guard AntiPerspirant" push-up dispenser thingie.

YYYYYOOOOOOWWWWWCCCCCHHHHH!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 02:27 PM

I suppose that would also apply to keeping your Desenex and Preparation H on the same shelf as your Pepsodent or storinf the Listerine next to the Massengill.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 11:56 PM

Okay, the results of the Infamous Spaghetti Match:

<<drumroll please!>>

I won.

No surprise there.
I am, like, the world's slowest eater.

We decided to go for Chinese food instead of Spaghetti.
I ate ONE plate of food from the buffet, IN THE TIME IT TOOK L.H. TO EAT TWO PLATES!!!!!

Of course Little Hawk tried to say that I cheated.

As if!
He mentioned seconds - I didn't say anything about seconds! And considering how long it took me to go through that ONE plate, I could have won twice over if he'd been stupid and insisted on the point. We were getting late for song circle though. (That's the only reason he stopped trying to argue with me. (Men!))

Anyway, I won.

So I now have the inalienable right to say ANYTHING at all about Bob Dylan to Little Hawk, without him taking it the wrong way.
SO THERE!

~*sirepseh*~

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Mbo
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 12:01 AM

Sounds familiar, hesp. I've been known to stretch a sandwhich out for 45 minutes, and I can make a 20oz. bottle of Coke last three hours.

BTW Spaw, that reminds me a bit of a columnist we have in the newspaper here. He tells funny stories about his childhood here in Eastern North Carolina. One of them was about a friend of his, who went going on a date, thought he was putting mousse in his hair when it was really Preparation H.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Midchuck
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 11:25 AM

And the ultimate - and I don't remember where I heard this, but it was probably on the Mudcat in the first place, so I apologize to whomever I'm stealing it from:

NEVER ask a drunken highland piper if he can play "Melancholy Baby," not even as a joke.

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 11:38 AM

Don't try to out-pun Art
Don't try to answer queries on the mudcat from memory without looking at the record sleeve, checking in the reference book or listening to the song again!
Don't mention the '50s or Lonnie Donegan more than once a week
(Hey, they could be my new year resolutions)
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: bob schwarer
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 11:57 AM

Never eat the yellow snow.

Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Bert
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 12:14 PM

The fifties, Lonnie Donnegan, Jack Jackson's Record Roundabout, Tommy Steele, aaaah you've got me started Skiff me ol china. Well I never felt more like singing the blues.......

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Mbo
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 12:17 PM

Don't mess around with Slim.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 04:13 PM

Never count your money while you're sittin' at the table.
Don't ever play with guns.
Don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.
Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me.
Don't take your love to town.
Don't let your deal go down.
Don't mess with Mister In-between.
Don't take your guns to town, son.
Don't think twice, it's all right.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 10:22 PM

Or to quote Don Bray...

Don't.

Period.

(It's a song he wrote...)

The great Spaghetti duel: What a battle! I have never seen anyone eat that slowly before! It's a wonder that girl is still alive, considering how slowly she eats. She eats as slowly as Spaw thinks! I had to concede or we would have been in the damn restaurant till closing time, and missed song circle. She may be slow, but she ain't stupid...

Accordingly, I went down to an ignominious defeat, but it was fun trying, anyway. I'm looking for a rematch, maybe at an East Indian restaurant with REALLY HOT food, or a Middle Eastern one with hummus and all that good stuff.

Hesperis now has the right to say anything she wants to about Bob Dylan. It's a right unique to Hesperis, however, so the rest of you just better watch it.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 10:43 PM

LOL!!!!!

Middle Eastern sounds good.
HOT, SPICY food would probably result in getting us kicked out of the restaurant, as I would still be there at closing time, waving my hand in front of my mouth to cool it down enough to take another bite... I like to win.

BTW - I eat slower than Spaw thinks, and that's pretty slow!

(Ducking and running away very fast...)

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 11:13 PM

Well hesp, if you do then its amazing that you're still with us because I..........uh...........well, I.......er,uh...........what was I talking about because sometimes it just gets........something or another........maybe I ........hmmmmm............what was I saying at first? Who's hesp and why am I .........damn..............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 11:33 PM

Funny, Spaw, that you remember how to spell - and swear words, too. I'm impressed!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Sep 00 - 09:53 AM

That makes two of us!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 20 Sep 00 - 01:43 PM

Two of us what?

Slow as Spaw, or impressed along with me?

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 08:39 AM

Never give a sucker an even break.
Never say never again.
Never push your granny off the bus.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: mooman
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 09:02 AM

When asked by Australian immigrations whether you have a criminal record never answer "I didn't think you needed one these days...."

mooman

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Kim C
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 09:56 AM

Don't squat with your spurs on.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 04:53 PM

leave it too long to do something you've always wanted to.... after 20 years I now own a motorbike, and I'm scared of it!!!

I'm also head over heels in love with it, and can't wait until I pluck up courage to go out on it again!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Gareth
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 06:15 PM

Never format your C drive without backing up.

Never ask for a pint of Watneys Red in a real ale pub.

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: RangerSteve
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 12:14 AM

A song about a boat or ship can't be interesting if the vessel doesn't sink? How about "The Handsome Cabin Boy"? If that isn't interesting, what is? And you people call yourselves folksingers. (Just Kidding).

Don't be a woman in a Stephen Foster song, or any other 19th century song, for that matter.

Don't be a soldier in a sentimental song. Your life span will be about 3 minutes.

Don't be a little girl in a Hans Christian Anderson story.

Personal Experience: Don't get a haircut (especially a flat-top) from a Republican barber when there are a bunch of old men hanging around the barber shop trying to bait him by saying nice things about Democrats.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: RangerSteve
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 12:26 AM

Oh, yeah, I forgot - Never, in my presence, refer to Bob Dyland as a harmonica player. He is merely a harmonica owner.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 01:39 AM

Don’t be cruel.
Don’t cry for me, Argentina.
Don’t drop it in the soup.
Don’t ever take heed of what pretty girls say.
Don’t fence me in.
Don’t forget the union label.
Don’t forsake me, oh my darlin’.
Don’t go ‘round tonight.
Don’t go down in the mine, dad.
Don’t leave your records in the sun.
Don’t put me down or get upset.
Don’t swap your old cow for a car.
Don’t think twice, it’s all right.
Don’t you be like me.
Don’t you leave me here.
Don’t you listen to him, Dan.
Don’t you weep; don’t you mourn.
You can help yourself, but don’t take too much.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 01:54 AM

Don't go anywhere near Kate Adie or Michael Burke, You're sure to be shot or have a nasty accident.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 06:51 PM

You forgot 'don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.....'

or put penknives in babbies heads.

Now we are just getting silly.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: ponytrax
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 10:32 PM

Don't squat with your spurs on never (forcibly express bodily fluids) into the wind Cuss out ol' Cookie

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: gnu
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 07:46 AM

mooman... ROTFLMAO... Absolutely priceless !!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: GUEST,SharonA at the library
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 01:44 PM

Never put a cat into a pet-carrier head-first. The head is the only thing you'll get in there. (Learned this from my vet: back him into it, with a hand in front of his nose!)

Never rain in southern California.
Never play the wild rover, nay never no more.
Never fall in love again (at least, until tomorrow).

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 02:39 PM

I haven't seen the oldest and most useful from any of our nautical friends:

Don't spit off the bow.

(Applies to all emisssions of bodily fluids and other circumstances with "upwind" connotations.)

John

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: gnu
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 02:52 PM

Cat carrier... minds me of the time I tried in vain to get one of ours out of a carrier at the vet's. Vet watched me for a while, smiled and said, "Let me try." She picked up the carrier and dumped the cat onto the examining table, upon which, I smiled too. Of course, my ex and the vet roared with laughter.