 sj |
||
|
||
BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms
|
|
|
Subject: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Morticia Date: 08 Dec 00 - 12:51 PM Let me welcome you ,if I may, to Ye Olde Englishe Inne, nestled soft in the heart of the green rolling hills of Hampshire where time has stood still since 5.15 this afternoon. It is Friday and not just any Friday, since from today Morticia is on holiday until the hangovers of the New Year have departed( about the middle of January ,give or take a week). She is joyous mood and bids her friends join her in seasonal song and merriment………
Morticia wanders into the Mudcat Arms and calls out in her best 'summoning the bar staff' voice," Ho, there Barkeep, a large gin and tonic and one for yourself"! A vision of unloveliness appears before her in the shape of a begrimed and aged old fellow with a scowl that could singe asbestos. " 'Ere" says he, in sulky tones as he draws the required nectar from the optic " aren't you one of them there folk singing types what woz 'ere last week and caterwauling fit to make my head 'urt?"
" Yes indeed," she says with a grin , not entirely free of malice " and so welcoming were you, (aside from that amusing jape with the fire extinguisher which was purely in high spirits, I am sure) that I have come as the advance guard of the Mudcat Pre-Festive Celebration Party.
"What?" said the aged one with a look of horror, " you mean there's going to be more of you?" " Yeah verily," quoth Morticia, who was known to get biblical when excited or drunk " lots, I hope…..singers, guitarists, banjo players, bodrhans……even tiples mayhap…Why, elderly barperson…..what ails you?" she said anxiously. With a soft sigh, mine Host sank into a faint, knocking over a jar of pickled eggs in his slow descent to the sticky, beer-puddled floor. " Bugger" said Morticia, as the aroma of vinegar wafts round the pub " I suppose that means I'm pouring my own." |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Bert Date: 08 Dec 00 - 01:08 PM And if this ancient edifice is anywhere close to Alton you can pour me a pint of John Courage while you're behind the bar there Morti me luv. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: MMario Date: 08 Dec 00 - 01:08 PM From just outside the strains of "A HedgeHog carol" rise to the skies as a Picking himself up and brushing crumbs of vinager smelling ruptured egg from his jacket he finally makes it to the bar. "I'm American," he says blithely. "Or should I say UnitedStatesian. Don't blame Canada."
|
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Naemanson Date: 08 Dec 00 - 01:34 PM "OH THERE'S SOBER MEN AND PLENTY, AND DRUNKARDS BARELY TWENTY, THERE'S MEN OF OVER NINETY, WHO HAVE NEVER YET KISSED A GIRL. BUT GIVE ME A RAMBLING ROVER, FROM ORKNEY DOWN TO DOVER, WE'LL ROAM THE COUNTRY OVER AND TOGETHER WE'LL FACE THE WORLD!" What ho! Mortee-landlady! I see the old codger who should be serving drinks is hiding under the table. Can ye just pull me a nice sweet ale? You know, I wouldn't have stumbled coming into this place if someone hadn't stepped on my hand! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Bat Goddess Date: 08 Dec 00 - 02:19 PM "Well, old friend, fancy meeting you here, of all places," sez she at the end of the bar swilling an Old Peculiar, and not her first one, either, before she chimed in on the shouted finale (to "Sober Men and Plenty") of "Up she flew and the cock flattened her!" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Naemanson Date: 08 Dec 00 - 02:40 PM Hey BG, was it you who stepped on my hand as I crawled into this place? Can't stay too long. It's the day I am supposed to stir up my XMAS PUD and tomorrow I am a-steamin'. Pull another sweet light ale! No, none of that black bitter stuff for me. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Bat Goddess Date: 08 Dec 00 - 03:14 PM Oops, sorry about that. I thought it was the pub cat. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Noreen Date: 08 Dec 00 - 03:24 PM OK Mortie, I've just helped Mein Host up to bed... ... so the drinks are on the house! Whisky and ginger for me please for the cold evening. Hey- this could be the start of a right rolicking good night... or so... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: MMario Date: 08 Dec 00 - 03:25 PM I left my hart; in Sam Clam's Dis....Dis...(hic)sco! 999 thousand 999 bottles of beer on the wall! 999 thousand 9 hundead and noine! If I drink one of those bottles and it tastes really fine, 9 hundred and ninety nine thousand and nine hundred and ninety eight bottles to go! Does anyone know how I got here? I was at work, I think I was at work. Or was that last year? No, I was at work and next thing I know I'm here. I am here? Here I am.
I There was a white duck on the way here, with a bill. Duck bills feel kinda funny y'know, sorta like bone, but softer? I'm a widdle light duck, swinging in the water, A widdle light duck, doin' a termater; took a bite of the lily pad, threw it up then I said...I said... AM I where I was when I thought I was here? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Naemanson Date: 08 Dec 00 - 03:36 PM He makes perfect sense to me! Now that's worrisome. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Amergin Date: 08 Dec 00 - 03:36 PM Hallo!!! I'll wander in for a bit....I have something of my own to celebrate today!!!! I just found out that my seemingly endless string of dead end jobs is ending!!! I start a job doing computer technical support on January 2nd!!!! Amerginwhoisveryexcited! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: MMario Date: 08 Dec 00 - 03:38 PM DRINKS ON BERT'S CREDIT CARD FOR THE HOUSE! [congrats to AMergin!] |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Kim C Date: 08 Dec 00 - 03:49 PM Whiskey Cat needs a triple Bushmills so she can start drinking her way through the holidays. And a Macanudo. Thanks. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Jim Krause Date: 08 Dec 00 - 04:03 PM WELL, I CAME HOME THE OTHER NIGHT DRUNK AS I COULD BE... And who should stumble in but that infamous wastrel Chester Drawers. "What this place needs in some good ol' time country fiddlin' an' I need another pint o' yer best stout ta keep mah bowin' arm good an' oiled up. HOT DAWG!" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Bert Date: 08 Dec 00 - 04:07 PM Amergin, I don't know whether to congratulate your or not, I worked in tech support for many years. It's one of the worlds most stressful jobs, one survey rated it higher than air traffic control. So best of flipping. BTW, I've got this neat little program that will quickly find answers in your technical database. Send me a PM if you're interested. And my glass is empty. Let's have a refill. Got any 'arras' behind the bar there Morti? Who's up for 501? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: MMario Date: 08 Dec 00 - 04:30 PM tech support stressful? nah. no way. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Naemanson Date: 08 Dec 00 - 04:47 PM Where IS Mortee? She started this party and then wandered off. Check under the tables. Maybe she's in with the landlord. Don't check in there. Give the poor old guy some privacy. Hope she don't kill him with passion. Someone hand me a guitar. It must be time for music. I'm minded of an old story I read recently of a shipmate on a square rigger in the last days of sail. On the first evening in the foc'sle he pulled a fiddle out of his seachest. The rest of the watch looked on with approval. Then the old geezer started to saw away at it without any knowledge of tuning or playing, just screeching and squawking the bow across the strings. They begged him not to play but he just smiled and kept on. They had too much respect for personal property to throw thaat fiddle overboard so faced with a long sea voyage and that awful noise one of the watch snuck in and waxed the strings. When he next pulled out the instrument he found it wouldn't play. They told him the humidity was doing it and he'd be all right when they got to Australia in three months time. Where's that guitar? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Noreen Date: 08 Dec 00 - 05:06 PM She's gone to fetch some more pickled eggs! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Morticia Date: 08 Dec 00 - 05:07 PM Right lads and ladesses, I'm pouring as fast as I can.I was down in the cellar putting on another barrel of Old and Nasty and bringing up more pickled eggs ( but I feel better now thanks).I'm glad you took the landlord off to bed, I stood on his face four times! Bert dearest, if you must play darts can you at least check the acupuncture chart first and someone put MMario to bed, he's been chatting up the pub cat for an hour...and I think he's pulled! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: mousethief Date: 08 Dec 00 - 07:30 PM bringgers a pitcher of TNT's, if'y'pleash. Heavy on the lime. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: MAG (inactive) Date: 08 Dec 00 - 07:40 PM Oh, Goody, a party; just what I need. I think we all do. I brought my own bottle of Hennesseys and am willing to share. At UU choir practice last nite we were oiling up all our songs about the celebrations of the universal birth of the universal child, Mother Earth giving birth to the New Year, etc etc. We went way over. Tonight I have book group, and tomorrow the band plays the dance. I am UP for a virtual party. Can any of you fellows waltz? er, can any of you fellows stand up on your own? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: CarolC Date: 08 Dec 00 - 08:15 PM Can I get a gin and tonic in this place? I've brought two accordions in case anyone needs a spare. I've just returned from the photo shoot for the Mudcat nude calendar, so pardon my skimpy attire. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Morticia Date: 08 Dec 00 - 08:39 PM ahhhh, I wondered how many would turn sans clothing....I of course am tastefully attired in my usual wetsuit with matching evening slippers and diamante tiara.....I can waltz Mag, but only if I can count as we dance. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Matt_R Date: 08 Dec 00 - 09:51 PM Daughter of my dream, shine a guiding light for me...for I'll be here 'till light...whisper in the night...till she has forgiven me.... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Sorcha Date: 08 Dec 00 - 10:04 PM ooohwa la, are the arms light, heavy or pole? Perhaps snuggly arms? I could use snuggly arms.......in lieu of that perhaps just a nice sweet Porter? Lay on there, ye with the arms.......... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: MMario Date: 08 Dec 00 - 10:21 PM whaddya mean she's a cat! Thass an insullllllllt, I thinkk. She got the purtiest green eyes, and they tilt. I think she's oriental, maybe whatchamacallit, europeasian? And her hairs so soft... Not much of a talker tho, just sorta hummmmmmmmmsssss aat me... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Amergin Date: 08 Dec 00 - 10:26 PM Never figured you liked cats that much, MMario.... BTW thanks all for the congrats and such....and, Bert, my girlfriend works there too and she really likes it...It's one of those places that train you...I always figured you to be a techie... Amerginwhoisthinkingitisgoingtobeoddtobeworkingithhisbrainnothisbody
|
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: catspaw49 Date: 08 Dec 00 - 10:49 PM Ah Mort............Its been some times of late hasn't it? Draw me a tankard my dear. and now, if I can get Bert to retrieve his fockin' dart from my ass, I retire to the corner booth to watch the action and hope for some myself.............. Spaw |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Amergin Date: 08 Dec 00 - 10:51 PM Uh, Spaw, why is his dart in your ass? Does karen know about this? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Sorcha Date: 08 Dec 00 - 11:06 PM We playing Ass Darts now? Well, you are all safe from me--I can't hit a wall from 5 paces. Pull me another, there, Mortee, I just been to Flanders Field, Hiroshima and Saigon. If every tear were a diamond.......I would be a Queen. More beer for me and my friends! A round on me, here, you old bartender! Git outta the sack, and send some 'round, now!! (Please?) |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Naemanson Date: 09 Dec 00 - 07:18 AM Ah, I need some crying whiskey for I have received bad news. A friend lies dying of cancer and his wife, my other dear friend is alone with tht burden. They are many miles away and I can do nothing but stand by the phone. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Morticia Date: 09 Dec 00 - 07:25 AM Oh Brett, I'm so sorry.....we have all had such a horrible time just recently.....I think a round of whisky macs made to my own secret recipe on the house,maybe a few sad songs and a damn good blub....lets get it out of our systems and wait in here for a better new year. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: CarolC Date: 09 Dec 00 - 07:49 AM I'm sorry to hear about your friends' troubles, Naemanson. You can play my other accordion if you want... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: catspaw49 Date: 09 Dec 00 - 09:19 AM Hey Brett.....You know we're with you. Its hard to be in the position you find yourself.....been there, done that. All our best to your friends and to you. You are in our thoughts. Pat and Karen |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Naemanson Date: 09 Dec 00 - 11:01 AM Thanks guys. Sorry about raining on a party. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Fibula Mattock Date: 09 Dec 00 - 02:14 PM Naemanson, play us a song to take away your troubles, for I'm sorry to hear of that unkind news. And may I offer everyone a pint of Smithwicks, this being a pub with a select international clientele, and one where I can hopefully get PROPER beer, and not this oul' English Real Ale shite. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Micca Date: 09 Dec 00 - 03:10 PM Hey, Fib.Mat., Shite is what you WILL do if you drink bloody Smithwicks !!! both long and often, it gave me a spectacular case of the fizzy trots once, and I stayed away from it since, Really, what came out FIZZED But enough scatology Barkeep a round for my friends and glass of "my special winter warmer" over here, 1/2 a pint(UK) of dry strong cide(NOT Diamond White) and a large glass of green ginger wine, mixed, tastes WONDERFUL...but after 2 there is NO pain... after 3 NO feeling ... and after that catatonia... a mirror to check that I am still breathing may be required after that.. but it keeps out the cold... and a pint of Youngs "Winter Warmer" for my friend Morty.. "Come, fill the cup, what boots it to repeat That time is slipping underneath our feet Unborn tomorrow and dead yesterday Why fret about them if TODAY be sweet" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Fibula Mattock Date: 09 Dec 00 - 03:24 PM Micca! It's a well known fact that young ladies like myself do not have any such nauseating bodily functions, and if they did, they would all smell of rose petals. I like the sound of that cider thing though. Be merry, my friends, be merry... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Naemanson Date: 09 Dec 00 - 05:36 PM I'd love to sit and sing and drink away my troubes but I have to go run my coffeehouse. We have an all open mike night and I have to get there early to bar the door to keep out the rockers who want to invade our inner sanctum with their amps and power cords and chords. Enjoy the evening! Brett |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: T in Oklahoma (Okiemockbird) Date: 09 Dec 00 - 06:37 PM In sulks an Oklahoman in a tattered cloak, carrying a guitar case on his back and a Mt Dulcimer case in his hand Down with the OU Sooners! OSU forever! Go Nebraska! (Other Americans, at least, can probably guess why he's tattered and sulking) I need a big, frosty India pale ale.... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Matt_R Date: 09 Dec 00 - 07:35 PM Death to all us rockers! I think I'll go do the world a favor and hang myself on my amp cord. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Morticia Date: 09 Dec 00 - 07:39 PM Well, a big pint of Smithwicks coming Fibs way if she insists and an IPA to those who drink real beer.It's getting late and I know people are kind of tired...so I put the lights down low and draw the red velvet cutains to hide the bleak rainy night although you can still hear it in the quiet interludes....... It's kind of hushed now.....'Spaw and Bert are having a discussion regarding the merits of throwing darts without any kind of skill, MMario and the cat have gone off to a place they can be alone, Carol is softly playing her other accordian and Morticia is singing " DFour and twenty virgins came down from Inverness" in sepulcharal tones.The aroma of mashed pickled eggs still lingers and , in the still soft distance, church bells ring summoning the faithful to prayers.....IT MUST BE TIME FOR THE JELLO PIT!!!!!! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Dave Wynn Date: 09 Dec 00 - 09:17 PM Could I possibly have a bowl of water please and perhaps a pat or two....Maybe if things develop , a tune or song in the key of "just below dolphin" would let me really join in.....! It's hard bein' a dog... Spot |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: catspaw49 Date: 09 Dec 00 - 09:27 PM Hey T!!!! C'mon over and drown your troubles with Bert and I. I'm glad to see you're an OSU fan......yyou DO mean OHIO State don't you? Oh............Oklahoma huh?....Ah that's OK, to coin a phrase...........Tell ya' what....Hang this dartboard on your ass. ............ Sure, go ahead.....It'll guarantee that Bert doesn't hit you with a dart............... Spaw |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: katlaughing Date: 10 Dec 00 - 12:03 AM Tbird, nice to see ya! Brett, sorry to ehar about your friend, I've got a snugly hug for you when you come back from preserving acoustic music. Somebody check, please, to make sure that folker's being decent with the cat and this dog gets a pat from me, there, there, good fellah and a bowl of water, right quick, if you please, or it'll be the RSPCA I call! There, now that all's right with the critters, Micca, I'd like to try that brew of yours. I am fairly certain there is no possibility of my finding the ingredients in Wyoming, so it'll have to be tasty-time here or not at all. Drat! Mortee, m'darlin' doll, nice place you've set up, need a hand with anything? Sorch, didja bring yer fiddle, womon? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: kimmers Date: 10 Dec 00 - 12:19 AM All right, now, gather' round the pianner for a few English drinking rounds, sang (sung? singed?) in luscious four-part harmony...
1. Banbury ale Damn, rounds are always so hard to do when half the singers are passed out on the pedals... kimmers |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: kimmers Date: 10 Dec 00 - 12:24 AM And would there be any Guinness, darlin'? Just a pint or two, or three. Oh, no, no pickled eggs, they make me belch horribly. MMario, dear, the cat's on the piano keys. And she's playin' better than me. Better retrieve her. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Troll Date: 10 Dec 00 - 02:22 AM From France we get brandy From Jamaica comes rum Sweet oranges and lemons from Portugal come But beer, ale, and cider Are Englands control Bring in the punch ladle We'll fathom the bowl. We'll fath... Sorry. I got carried away there. Carols accordian and attire...or lack of same. At any rate, ginger beer and a quiet corner'll do for me. Hallo Doc! Chase that cat off the piano and give us a tune. Ah...thankee luv. Have one yerself. Mario, still on yer feet? troll |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Liz the Squeak Date: 10 Dec 00 - 02:54 AM This "lady" has let me use her keyboard. I say "lady" but she sure as furballs don't smell like one, but anyway, she's let me use her letters tray because I have a few things on my um.... er. thingy. Firstly, if I find the bastard who stood on my tail as they came through my favourite staking out window, I shall crap in their boots. That's a nice ball of fluff, can I bat it around? Oh, no, it's one of those things they keep in a jar.... fart pills I think they were. Bast, but it's seen better days.... stinks like that tomcat three doors down, and his arse hasn't seen a tongue for months! Where was I? Oh yeah. First you use me as a rug - hey - that's what Dogs are for!! Then, I get my first chance of getting out of here for ages - OK, so I've smelt better things in my food bowl, but it was a chance. Mmmm food. that would be nice. I'll just eat these crunchy potato things..... Now what was I saying?? Oh yes, I was just about to give it the full blast of my gorgeous green eyes, when it did the brelp noise, and Bast, did it pong. I thought I'd die again..... Made my eyes go all funny, I could see both my noses.... In a bid to escape from that, I jumped onto the first thing I could see that wasn't one of my noses. Makes a nice noise doesn't it..... Do you have to keep feeding it that brown watery stuff, or would it like some crunchie num nums? Hey, what's this hole.... Mmmmmm, secret dark place..... hey I can get in it! Any spiders in here?? I love spiders, crunchy, juicy and a leg for everyone..... back in a bit. You in't seen me right? Queen Rathunter Magnifipaws III, aka Cooking Fat.
|
|
Subject: RE: BS: Welcome to The Mudcat Arms From: Liz the Squeak Date: 10 Dec 00 - 03:05 AM Now that dam... delightful cat has disappeared, I can get on with ordering my drink... 1/2 pint of real ale - perchance some Badger best or the one with the duck on - into a pint mug please, and a bottle of ginger beer. Yes, a ginger beer shandy. No, don't put the ginger in first, it will go up like polaris...........! Anyone have a cloth? LTS |