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BS: Answerphone messages.
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Subject: Answerphone messages. From: Mr Red Date: 03 Apr 01 - 07:42 AM As I can't find a previous thread here goes. My answerphone message is (sung to a non-descript riff) "If I was here I'd talk to you and sing a little song But as I'm not, this is all yer got, so leave your message short or long. When Mr Red cohabited with Miss Red (before she saw red and faded) the song was He & She would like to chat but are no where near the phone So please record your message, right after the last tone. Would any mudacatters like to share their outgoing messages? My replies to friends' simple messages are usually - "This is "Mr Red's" calling service calling "Fred's" ("insert real names") answering service... blah blah blah. How do other mudcatters handle answerphones? Click for related thread |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Bert Date: 03 Apr 01 - 07:51 AM "Leave a Message" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: GUEST,frug Date: 03 Apr 01 - 08:02 AM A friend of mine has the message "hey you know what to do just keep it short" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: kendall Date: 03 Apr 01 - 08:49 AM Hello. If you are selling something, press one. If I owe you money, press two. Otherwise, leave a message and I'll call you back. I've actually had people ask me what would happen if they did press one or two! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: GMT Date: 03 Apr 01 - 09:18 AM My cousin put this message on my Uncle and Aunts answerphone. "Bruce and Betty can't come to the phone at the moment, they're out spending my inheritance." Cheers Gary |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Michael in Swansea Date: 03 Apr 01 - 09:27 AM I'm out but the Rottweilers are in, please leave a message. Mike |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Gervase Date: 03 Apr 01 - 10:28 AM My ex should really have had "This is XXX, please speak after the high moral tone"! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: UB Ed Date: 03 Apr 01 - 10:29 AM Hello? (10 second pause) Hello? (10 second pause) We can't come to the phone now; please leave a message. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Sorcha Date: 03 Apr 01 - 10:34 AM "We are unable, or perhaps, unwilling, to come the phone just now. Leave a message, and if we want to, we'll call you back"
"You have reached the '_______'. We will not answer until we hear the sound of your voice. Be quick, it's a short tape!"
"HI! and welcome to the circus! Leave a message for your favorite clown! If you're a juggler, leave resume, we need one desperately" "Mother Mary's Hash and HalfWay House, who in the hall do you want?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: dick greenhaus Date: 03 Apr 01 - 02:07 PM The woods are silent, dark and deep, And I have promises to keep Please leave your message at the beep. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Richard Bridge Date: 03 Apr 01 - 02:23 PM "Please leave a beep after the message". "Please leave after the beep" "Hello, this is [company name]. THere's nobody here now so you'll need to leave a ...Oh, wait a minute, that might be Eric coming up the stairs...ERIC, IS THAT YOU? ERIC? ERIC, ANSWER ME! No, it wasn't him. You'd better leave a message after the beep" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Mary in Kentucky Date: 03 Apr 01 - 02:29 PM My son used to have this on his machine, "This is _____. I'm either not home or screening my calls..." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: GUEST,petr Date: 03 Apr 01 - 02:54 PM Please leave a msg, now where did I put that beep, oh... here it is. now I just have me playing a few bars of a fiddle tune so people who know me know its me and those who dont dont. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: katlaughing Date: 03 Apr 01 - 03:12 PM My daughter or son, can't remember which, used to have one that just said, "You know what the beep is for!" I used to add music and do different ones for the seasons. Haven't done that in a while. Some of them were terrible, some not as bad:
For true Seasonal Spirit
"We've come to ring the
"The sun is growing stronger |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Liz the Squeak Date: 03 Apr 01 - 03:17 PM A friend had one that said: Hello. Yes, it's a machine. Sorry about that. I know you hate machines, but unless you leave your name, the human won't know who rang. Wait for the beep then. No point talking before it. There see, now you missed it. It used to drive me batty because it took 5 minutes before the damn beep came in!! LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Jim Krause Date: 03 Apr 01 - 03:26 PM I use to have this message on the answerphone: Phone Jingle to the tune of Admiral Benbow You have reached the Old Sod Shanty phone machine |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: kendall Date: 03 Apr 01 - 03:51 PM I used to have this; Hello, I'm probably here, but, I'm avoiding someone I dont like. Leave a message, and, if I dont call you back, It's YOU! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: tiggerdooley Date: 03 Apr 01 - 04:29 PM Tell us who you are, then we'll either pick up, call you back, or neither!!! At the moment at my house, we've got a pretty average 'We'll either pick up or call you back' message, but it's followed by a sample of MojoJojo (evil monkey from the Powerpuff Girls) saying: "Ooooh, shut up I say! I say shut up because I am going to become powerful!" Frightens the s**t out of tha catalogue company when they ring to ask for their money!!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Naemanson Date: 03 Apr 01 - 04:36 PM Mine? "I'm sorry but I've stepped out of this space-time continuum. Please leave a message and I will call you back before you called me." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: tiggerdooley Date: 03 Apr 01 - 04:39 PM Hello, the burglars have taken the answerphone, so you're speaking to the microwave. Leave a message after the 'ding'! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: gnu Date: 04 Apr 01 - 05:28 AM You have dialed 555-5555. If you DON'T leave a message after the beep, DON'T call back. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Hamish Date: 04 Apr 01 - 08:04 AM I had a four part accapella jingle with a doo-wop backing and "Hi there I'm sorry I'm not home right now, but if you leave your name and your number I'll get back to you just as soon as I'm able... back to you just as soon as I'm able" One Sunday afternoon I got back to find someone had dialled my number by mistake, and he and all his mates called up one after the other to listen and leave messages like "Hey, far out". So, I guess they liked it..? Hamish |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Troll Date: 04 Apr 01 - 09:17 AM Mine say's: The answering machine is broken. This is the refrigerator speaking. Leave a message and I'll stick it to the door with one of those little magnets.(5 sec. pause)Hey! You guys quit laughin". I'm doin' the best I can here! This is all delivered in a hesitant and unsure voice. The Memsahib hates it but she doesn't know how to change it. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: kendall Date: 04 Apr 01 - 09:19 AM I like it Troll. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Troll Date: 04 Apr 01 - 09:24 AM These are the responsibility of Skeptic.SOME ANSWERING MACHINE RECORDINGS Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the world-famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers... My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message. Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you. This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call. Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message. You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you. troll * Thanx Kendall* _________________________________________________________ Dow |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Allan C. Date: 04 Apr 01 - 09:30 AM Back when I was a telemarketer I heard quite a few. My favorite was the following - in which I will include my own responses: LOUD music in background
Hello! (pause)
Hello! (pause) Hey, hang on a second, I can't hear you. I've gotta turn this thing down...There! Hello...(pause) Mr. Watson, the reason I'm call-- I'm not really here, ya know. *Beep*
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: GUEST Date: 04 Apr 01 - 09:36 AM Someone I know recorded a message with loud rock music blaring behind her. She said " Hello, Hello... I Can't hear you speak up." Then she laughed and said " Why are you yelling at my machine? leave a message." I don't know who else it worked on but I hollered at her machine. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Robby Date: 04 Apr 01 - 11:45 AM Mine once said: This is xxx-xxxx. If you called this number in error, please hang up and try again. Otherwise, please leave a message. I had to change it after my boss called and failed to see the humor of it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: mousethief Date: 04 Apr 01 - 11:47 AM Sorry. Message. Tone. Bye. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Skeptic Date: 04 Apr 01 - 12:26 PM From college days: Any message left will NOT be listened too. If I wanted to talk with you, I'd have called YOU. Regards John PS To Troll. But I do know how to change your message. And how to bypass it, too.
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: mousethief Date: 04 Apr 01 - 12:38 PM I like, "This is a machine. You know the routine." Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Mrrzy Date: 04 Apr 01 - 01:01 PM At home: You've reached an answering machine. This is my message, what's yours? And I really appreciate those machines that let you skip the message and go right to the beep. I wish more could do that... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: DancingMom Date: 04 Apr 01 - 03:45 PM how about "We're tied up right now. If you leave your name, number, and a brief message, we'll get back to you as soon as Molly (the dog) can chew through the ropes." BEEEEP! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Trapper Date: 04 Apr 01 - 05:53 PM Hello? OK, now YOU talk... - Al |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: mousethief Date: 04 Apr 01 - 05:58 PM Husband: "Welcome to Answering Machine Jeopardy!" Wife: "I'll take answering machine messages for $100, Alex." Husband: "The answer is, 'The name and phone number of the caller, and a brief message.'" Beep. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Gypsy Date: 04 Apr 01 - 10:35 PM Thus and suches answering machine, you know what to do. The shame is, our number is identical, except for the area code, to a doctor in San Francisco. Have had a few irate messages regarding his professionalism! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Peter Kasin Date: 05 Apr 01 - 02:49 AM "You have reached (my number), (my name's) new and improved outgoing message! No words cut off at the beginning! Well, I can't guarantee there won't be any words cut off at the.." (beep). An old one went: "You have reached the home of (my name) and Madonna. Neither of us can take your call right now. Oh, we're in alright, " (then, in a sly voice)," just neither of us can take your call right now." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Dave the Gnome Date: 05 Apr 01 - 11:21 AM My favourite (but not current) "Hello. Can I speak to Dave please?" pause. "Hello, is that Dave?" pause. "Hang on. I thought I called you!" pause "Oh, bugger. I'm being phsycic again. Never mind, leave a message but I probably know what it is...." BEEEEEP. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Answerphone messages. From: Big Tim Date: 05 Apr 01 - 05:21 PM An original, by Rosie, a friend of ours. "Hi, sorry I can't come to the phone right now, I'm in the shower. But if you're tall dark and handsome, come and join me". |