 sj |
||
|
||
Req: Two line jokes...good ones!
|
|
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST Date: 15 Aug 14 - 02:00 PM Claire M: See Georgiansilver, 09 Feb 09 - 7:15 AM |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Claire M Date: 15 Aug 14 - 12:32 PM Hiya!! What's the difference between a useless archer & a constipated owl?? 1 shoots but can't hit…… |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST Date: 15 Aug 14 - 09:36 AM Did anyone tell you about people who indulge in word play? They sure do get up to semantics. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Steve Shaw Date: 15 Aug 14 - 08:44 AM Bad news and good news ones have to stretch the rule slightly, but, if you keep 'em brief... (Doctor to patient who's just come round) Bad news - I've had to amputate both your legs... Good news: the bloke in the next bed wants to buy your slippers... |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Mr Red Date: 15 Aug 14 - 03:51 AM the surgeon joke fails because the more likely humour would come from "well hung" which would make the joke gratuitous. Just shows "different strokes (sic) for different folks". Like the architect that had his house made backwards, so he could watch the TV. it is a phonetic pun. You either see it or you don't. But IMNSHO is funnier than the surgeon joke. Isn't humour deflated when you try to analyse it? Unless you are inventing a humourus piece, then the joy is in weaving a tapestry of jokettes into an hilarious guffaw. Well I try with my songs. Imagine what you can do with "My Love is Like a Chocolate Box". |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Teribus Date: 15 Aug 14 - 02:10 AM "How's the wife?" "Compared to what?" |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Steve Shaw Date: 14 Aug 14 - 08:06 PM "Doctor, I'm having terrible trouble pronouncing my Fs and THs!" "Well you can't say fairer than that then..." |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST Date: 14 Aug 14 - 05:47 PM always wondered where the sun went at night, then it dawned on me. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: MarkS Date: 28 Sep 09 - 12:59 PM Did the hydrogen atom know for sure he had lost an electron? Yeah, he was positive. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: RobbieWilson Date: 28 Sep 09 - 09:30 AM What did the snail say to the slug? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?big issue! |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: MGM·Lion Date: 28 Sep 09 - 09:09 AM What did the big rose say to the little rose? Hiya, Bud. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Bryn Pugh Date: 28 Sep 09 - 06:31 AM The difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat? A goldfish can muck about in a fountain and a mountain goat can't. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: MGM·Lion Date: 28 Sep 09 - 05:49 AM What is green and grows and has five legs? Grass. (I was lying about the five legs.) |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: MGM·Lion Date: 28 Sep 09 - 05:41 AM What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff What do you call a man who's been buried for 2000 years? Pete What did one road say to the other road? Meet you at the corner. What did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll give these two a lift. What is the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman? Snowballs What did the mouse say as he screwed the female elephant? Suffer, bitch! |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Micca Date: 28 Sep 09 - 03:32 AM What is the difference between Noahs Ark and Joan of Arc One is made of Gopher wood the other is Maid of Orleans ? confused? Try saying it aloud!! |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Gurney Date: 27 Sep 09 - 09:37 PM What's the difference between a good vacuum cleaner and a Swiss admiral? A good vacuum cleaner sucks, and never fails, |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Joe_F Date: 26 Sep 09 - 10:01 PM A millihelen is the amount of facial beauty required to launch one ship. A microhelen is the amount required to arouse one sailor. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Michael Date: 26 Sep 09 - 03:43 AM A phycisist's definition of sex:- A couple oscillating in a field |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: MGM·Lion Date: 26 Sep 09 - 01:20 AM A thread above-line about music for dancing reminds me of the oldie [before The Twist led 45 years ago to the antisocial form of dancing among young people now current - the poor little dears don't know what they are missing - I shall not spell out the obvious comparison!]— What is the definition of dancing? A naval engagement without loss of seamen. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Splott Man Date: 25 Sep 09 - 05:35 PM A bass drum and a cymbal fell off a cliff. b-boom... tshhhhhh! |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Joe_F Date: 24 Sep 09 - 11:01 PM "No sign of the missing oscilloscope, but the cops say they have a couple of leads." "I hope that doesn't trigger a sweep of the neighborhood." |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: bankley Date: 24 Sep 09 - 12:58 PM or keep Gordon Brown in the hall.... |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Bryn Pugh Date: 24 Sep 09 - 11:18 AM What's the best way of keeping flies out of your kintchen ? Keep a bucket of shit in the hall. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Bryn Pugh Date: 24 Sep 09 - 11:17 AM The difference between love and Gordon Brown ? Love is Cupid's stunt and Gordon Brown isn't. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Bryn Pugh Date: 24 Sep 09 - 11:14 AM The difference between a seagull and a diarrhetic baby? A seagull flits all over the shore . . . and a diarrhetic baby doesn't. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST,Jessica Date: 24 Sep 09 - 10:46 AM Rember when you used to blow bubbles when you were little? well bubbles said hi |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST,ForlornAppalachianBoy Date: 07 Mar 09 - 10:07 PM What's the difference between an epileptic corn-husker and a hooker with diarrhea?? The corn-husker shucks between fits... |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Don Firth Date: 16 Feb 09 - 09:43 PM Not a two liner, but. . . . Knock knock.Vast numbers of people would never get this, but if you're familiar with the music of composer Philip Glass, it's a real knee-slapper. Clicky. Don Firth |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: KEVINOAF Date: 16 Feb 09 - 05:20 AM what"s the difference between a pigeon and an investment banker? A PIGEON C AN STILL LEAVE A DEPOSIT ON NEW FERRARI ! |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Helen Date: 16 Feb 09 - 01:34 AM Ed T, Most of my favourite jokes are the ones which a lot of people don't get straight away. So my favourites so far posted to this thread, for that reason, are: Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One says, "Can you smell fish?" A woodworm goes into a pub and asks, "Is the bartender here?" Did you hear about the tap dancer? He fell down the drain. (The last one is particularly useful in the company of our American friends because they don't call them taps, they call them faucets.) It's the pun-ny ones I like the most. Helen |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: TRUBRIT Date: 15 Feb 09 - 08:37 PM Sorry - I don't get it. What is soft and yellow and goes round and round? A long playing omelet!!!!!! (age alert on this one) What goes clop clop, bang bang, clop clop? An Amish drive by shooting |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Joe_F Date: 15 Feb 09 - 08:25 PM I had the answer right under my nose. Then I blew it. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Steve Shaw Date: 15 Feb 09 - 07:56 PM Hahah, nice one, Jane. Best yet! |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Jane of 'ull Date: 15 Feb 09 - 07:50 PM Dyslexic homosexuality. The love that can't spell its name. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Steve Shaw Date: 15 Feb 09 - 07:28 PM I'm beginning to get it, but, dammit, the moment has passed... |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Ed T Date: 15 Feb 09 - 10:13 AM Though commonly used interchangably, mostly accepted English use is that it's hanged for people who are killed by hanging, and hung for everything else. For the purpose of this joke, the surgeon did not kill himself by hanging, but did get a membership in the "well hung club", following the procedure:). Don't feel bad, most folks don't get this joke for awhile....that's why it's a favourite of mine. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Michael Date: 15 Feb 09 - 09:21 AM Polystyrene balls? Mike |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Georgiansilver Date: 15 Feb 09 - 08:35 AM So how 'well hung' is the plastic surgeon now???? |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Helen Date: 15 Feb 09 - 12:03 AM Big Mick, That reminds me of the one major thing I learned when teaching adolescent/young adult (future tradesmen) males. I think if I flipped a dictionary to any random page and picked a random word with a pin then they could make it into a joke relating it to male genitals. So why didn't I get that joke? Because it has been 5 years since I taught classes of young males, so I must be out of practice pre-empting the way they think. Anyway, back to the topic. (These don't fit the definition of two-line jokes either, but they're puns.) I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing. If you give some managers an inch they think they're a ruler. Helen |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Big Mick Date: 14 Feb 09 - 10:22 PM Damn ..... Is there no hope for me???? ..... I got it right away ...... think of what hangs on a bloke ........ |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: RangerSteve Date: 14 Feb 09 - 10:19 PM I didn't get the Plastic Surgeon joke either. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Joe_F Date: 14 Feb 09 - 09:36 PM Why is it better to fall into a vat of acid than a vat of molten optical glass? Because it is better to be part of the solution than to make a spectacle of yourself. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Don Firth Date: 14 Feb 09 - 06:02 PM Well, I got it. I guess I just have that kind of mind. . . . Don Firth |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Helen Date: 14 Feb 09 - 05:42 PM I don't get it either, Steve. I thought it was just me. Helen |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Steve Shaw Date: 14 Feb 09 - 03:24 PM "There was the plastic surgeon who hung himself" Anyone else besides me not get it?? |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Mrrzy Date: 14 Feb 09 - 01:48 PM By the way, these are riddles, I believe, technically not jokes... Pedant alert! |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Steve Shaw Date: 14 Feb 09 - 12:25 PM What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who swims the Channel? Clever Dick. |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Helen Date: 14 Feb 09 - 12:34 AM A woodworm goes in to a pub and says, "Is the bartender here?" (sorry, that's only one line, but one of my faves) Did you hear about the hyena which jumped into a pot of boiling water with some onions and made a laughing stock of himself. A man rang up a lawyers firm and said, "Is that Smith, Smith & Smith?" The receptionist said, "No, this is just Smith". "Oh," replies the man, "I'm sorry you've been trebled." |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: frogprince Date: 14 Feb 09 - 12:18 AM ....a quadruple amputee in the swimming pool; Bob ...a guy who dozes off in the hot tub; Stu |
|
Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Helen Date: 13 Feb 09 - 11:58 PM Crude alert: sorry! A naked man wrapped in cling wrap plastic goes to the doctor. Doctor says: Don't say anything! I can clearly see you're nuts! What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen. What do you call a woman lying in the middle of a tennis court? Annette. etc etc |
| Share Thread: |
