BS: Spaw's Xmas Present

Subject: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 11:46 AM

Just so he doesn't think I'm not thinking of him, I found Spaw's Xmas present while doing some web shopping.

Here ya go, 'Spaw!!.

And a mery, merry holiday to all.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: JenEllen
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 11:58 AM

What were you shopping for?? LOL

Nice work Moose, I am particularly fond of the repeated use of "You might try this as a science fair experiment" We'll just call it professional curiosity, shall we?

~JE

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: John Hardly
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 12:03 PM

wow.

I already have a new favorite word...

"fartypants"

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 01:24 PM

Well shoot Amos.......I know you're not supposed to say this, but I already had one of those. But that's okay, I can always use another and more to the point, it's the thought that counts!!! I want to thank you for thinking of me.......I guess.......hmmmmm........ya know...

I don't have to think twice about the reputation I have around here. If it's completely gross and disgusting, send it to Spaw, he'll post anything! And if it has to do with farts or possums, I must be the first thing that pops into people's heads! Out of curiosity, I wonder how many 'Catters pass a road kill possum and think "Spaw." The downside (like there's an upside) to this is that I'm sure a lot of my serious posts get passed over because the assumption is it must be about farts or possums or something.......oh well. I'm satisfied with "Genial Buffoon."

AND...while I'm at it.....I want to thank Allan C. for the can of Sun Dried Virginia Possum that I received in the mail yesterday! The can says it's "Pure Possum, flattened by a poultry truck on Highway 42 just south of Dayton, VA." It's the New and Improved product offering, "Better Taste-Less Grit." They guarantee that it has been sun-cured for one day too! And like so many fine products out there, they too have a serving suggestion: Serve on saltine crackers. Goes best with turnip greens, sweet potatoes, RC Cola, and a Moon Pie!

Thank you Amos and Allan.......Hmmm, you guys need a radio show. It's nice to be loved.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 01:39 PM

You know you're from Ohio if...

Mary (from way down south in Kentucky)

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 01:45 PM

LOL, Pat!!

You know darn well that whenever you DO deem to say anything serious, even if it means strapping on your hernia belt first, that we pay SCRUPULOUS attention. We know full well that occasional jewels tumble from those wise-assed lips! It's just the triage that is difficult.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: Homeless
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 01:45 PM

Yeah, Spaw. I've read all three of your serious posts.

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: Mrrzy
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 01:52 PM

No, no, he needs the underwear made out of charcoal or something to hide both sound and smell. See Dave Barry's list of ridiculous presents that actually exist...

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: Hollowfox
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 01:55 PM

Oh, Mary, I love it! As for the Halloween costume, you can also convince your daughter that her fairy princess costume is enhanced by that turtleneck sweater she put on under it.

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: Fortunato
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 01:58 PM

Happy Christmas, 'Spaw.

It being Christmas and all, I am moved to share a Fortunato family recipe from up home in Honeyville, Virginia, the little village that time forgot. Perhaps Karen could cook this up for you for a special holiday dinner. The possum has been extinct up home for many years, it being a regional delicacy, but this recipe has been handed down through my family in the oral tradition (education has only lately become popular). Karen can pm me with any questions. Enjoy!

Wild Possum Kabob

Ingredients:
1 Still breathing, corn-fed Possum
3 Ripe but firm tomatoes
1 Large white or yellow onion
1/2 pound large mushrooms
2 large green peppers
1 package meat marinade
1/2 cup soy sauce
12 skewers (sticks are okay in Arkansas)

Preparation:
The possum must be alive so that you can scare it, giving you the "wild" taste from all the adrenaline it produces. Itis best to hit it over the head with a large object in a humane manner. Boil the possum for 3 minutes to loosen the fur then skin and gut it.
De-limb (chop the little knubby legs off) the possum and cut the meat into 1/2 inch square chunks.
Marinate overnight in a mixture of meat marinade and soy sauce. Kentucky residents who have no fridge can use an ice chest and may use radiator coolant instead of soy sauce.
Thread the meat and veggies onto your skewer/stick in alternating sequences to distribute the delicious flavor evenly.
Cook over a barbecue, pit, 50 gallon drum or any other fire till you get the desired result. For added flavor, you can cook it over burning tires.
Servings: 6
Calories: 12,342
Carbs: Holly 4-barrel
Fat: If you eat this kind of crap, fat probably isn't your biggest concern.

Cheers, Fortunato

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: artbrooks
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 02:03 PM

Couldn't get through to the site to check it out, but I'm absolutely sure that it is both appropriate and tasteful. Did you order the model with the built-in Preparation H applicator?

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 02:17 PM

Triage? OK......LOL

Now Mary, it's true, I'm an "Ahian" born and bred and though I lived a lot of other places for about 10 years, something...gawd knows what....made me come home! So let me answer your statements:

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM OHIO IF:

You've never met any celebrities. Damn few
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.Or an Amish buggy....except of course in "Barrel Season" when things pack up even more.
"Vacation" means driving through Hocking Hills or going to King's Island. King's Island...because I LIVE in the Hocking Hills!
You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular. Hey now...We went to see Tom Petty.....hmmm, yeah, well....
You measure distance in minutes.There's another way?
Down south to you means Kentucky. True....Kentucky is where they teach the 3 R's as Readin, Ritin, and Route 23 to Ohio.
You know several people who have hit a deer. I'll bet I know two dozen!
Your school classes were cancelled because of cold. Yeah
Your school classes were canceled because of heat. What's your point?
You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.My son Tristan still does!
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.About two weeks ago was the last time as a matter of fact.
You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."Only if you're a farmer....and we got a lot of those
You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July. Well, it used to be corn, but it's going nuts anymore and even the soybeans are knee high now
Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.Why would you put your groceries in a suitcase?
You see people wear bib overalls at funerals. Yep
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year. Generally, it's my van, along with about 50 others
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with." Some point you're coming to?
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain. And we have about 150 of them....although we used to have one town that had an underwear fest, and Dennison still has a Clay Festival
You install security locks on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.Hardly anyone locks there doors in my little village...truth!
You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows. And the green jello with carrots and celery on top with a blob of miracle whip, just to be festive
You carry jumper cables in your car. You don't?
You know what "cow tipping" or "Possum Kicking" is. So what's wrong with alternative sports?
You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. Hey now...
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. Or a swimsuit....around here you never know.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.You betcher ass!
You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.And is a worse driver
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie. Karen sure looks good to me
The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports. GO BUCKS!!!
You think that deer season is a national holiday.It isn't? I need to check on this....
You know which leaves make good toilet paper. Maple....and you learn to ID poison ivy at an early age.
You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly". A bit brisk, I suppose
You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction. I don't get it. Isn't that right?
You know what a real buckeye is, and have a recipe for candy ones. Damn straight...and they beat the hell out of a Reese Cup!
You know if another Ohioian is from southern, middle or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouth.True
You can spell words like Cuyahoga and Tuscarawas. Hey Mary, I was BORN in Tuscarawas county!
You know that Serpent Mound was not made by snakes.Injuns...a lot of them used to be here but the Amish ran them off.
You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Ohio friends. ...and I will.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: Mr Red
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 02:37 PM

Here I didn't go either
but I get a whiff of it.

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: Allan C.
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 04:03 PM

Glad you liked the canned roadkill, Pat. I used to live "on Highway 42 just south of Dayton, VA" about a mile away from the poultry processing plant. The handy thing was that we didn't always have to wait for roadkill in order to have something on the supper table. Sometimes a couple of the turkeys would elude the grasp of the workers and escape. The plant management decided that it was not worthwhile to chase down the strays and so the escapees became "fair game" for those of us who lived nearby.

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: Homeless
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 04:06 PM

Damn, going by that, I think I'm from Ohio.

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: MMario
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 04:30 PM

That's okay homeless - most of them apply either to my home town, or my current town - and neither of them are in Ohio

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 06:31 PM

And I was going to send him Poutine, Tim Horton's Coffee, an Iron City and Pork Rinds.

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: 53
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 08:19 PM

someone needs to get him a fart-o-meter, i think they sell them at wal-mart, for about twenty dollars or so, i've heard that they work great , they work sorta like a smoke detector, with an alarm that sounds and everything, i think that would be a neat gift for spaw. BOB

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: GUEST,Fortunato back from college night with Ian
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 08:40 PM

Pat, if the idea of eating possum is offensive I apologize. I suddenly realized that possums may be among your closest friends and that I may have suggested something akin to canniblism. I can also let you have instead our family recipe for Hog Liver Pate. (I don't know how to do the accent over the 'e', sorry.) regards, chance.

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 08:49 PM

Actually Fort, I have no objection at all....looks fine to me!! Ahhh....Possum! America's other yellow meat! Matter of fact, I have The Possum Cookbook in my favorites. The problem of course is Cleigh. The little guy is maturing, but these type of things still send him into a funk. Right now he's sitting on his shelf with a very sad look and even Artie the Armadillo can't seem to cheer him up. It'll pass in a day or two, I just need to remember to shutdown the computer when I'm away when something like this comes up. Between your post and Allan's gift of Sun Dried Possum....well, he's pretty down right now.

So what's the college decision/thoughts?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: GUEST,John Gray / Australia
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 09:40 PM

What about a slab of vegemite ? ( that's 2 dozen jars ).
Blended with chickory and St. John's Bay Rum it would make a great marinade for the possum. St. John's Bay Rum is / was an after-shave lotion that, in the absence of real booze, sufficed. We had a few bursts of it at Chepachet RI back in 66.
For afters try a vegemite & mayonnaise sandwich. It looks horrible with all the white and black goo in swirls but it tastes yummo!

JG / FME.

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 19 Dec 01 - 06:17 AM

Nah! I may be potty but I think THIS would be more appropriate.
RtS
(Merry Xmas to Spaw, Karen and the boys)

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Dec 01 - 08:19 AM

Well you are potty you old poop and Lord knows you had a lot of bedpan experience. Oddly enough, that's a new site for me, but I can see some future usages around here as well........

Thanks Skiff!

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: Fortunato
Date: 19 Dec 01 - 08:38 AM

Pat, I am scandalized. Imagine our old family recipe for Possum Kabob directly plagarized by that scallywag on the internet. No doubt one of my triflin' relatives traded off our family secrets for a six pack of Schaffer's beer.

Ahem. Now then, as to Ian's college aspirations. He has been informed that unless he wants to spend his career smelling other peoples feet while selling shoes at Penny's he better not get a 'D' in Physics. And we have learned that his PSAT scores are quarantined for Anthrax up in New Jersey a fact that seemed to please him immensely.

Tell Karen that I think Santa (YOU) should visit the Victoria's Secret website since you did all that big talking the other week about her under garments, hee, hee. Merry (expletive)Christmas! Chance

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Dec 01 - 10:42 AM

And a real Merry one back at you and yours!!!

Truth be told, I did get Karen a new "nightie" for Christmas and she doesn't know! Best yet, it's one she saw and just really loved but never figured she would get. But,uh......Well, it's not from Victoria's place........It's really a calf length thing that is made of a soft, blanket-like material, two colors, that looks like the whole thing is the head of a cat, with the eyes, nose, and whiskers, embroidered on to it. Oh well.......Like I said above, a long flannel nightgown and socks...she still looks good to me! Plus, she'll be about 10 times happier to have it than anything V.S. offers....LOL......

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 01 - 11:14 AM

Ya wanna clarify the mapping on that head of a cat idea, there, Spaw? Lessee -- if we map the ears to the shoulders then...hmm.... . BG.

A.

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: Kim C
Date: 19 Dec 01 - 11:38 AM

Has anyone ever heard Baxter Black's poem, "Thunderwear"?

Subject: RE: BS: Spaw's Xmas Present
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Dec 01 - 11:46 AM

Actually Amos, the ears come up over the boobs......

Spaw