BS: Embarrassing moments...

Subject: Embarrassing moments...
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 04 May 02 - 10:20 PM

My honey's sister is a long haul trucker. She shared this story with us by e-mail...I howled. Thought I'd share it with you lot.

"I Left Montreal on route 20 heading toward Quebec City, when I decided to stop at a comfort station. The first toilet stall was occupied, so I went into the second one. I was no sooner seated than I heard a voice from the next stall:

"Hi, how are you doing?"

Well, I am not the type to chat with strangers in highway comfort stations, and I really don't know quite what possessed me, but anyway, I answered, a little embarrassed: "Not bad."

And the stranger said: "And, what are you up to?"

Talk about your dumb questions! I was really beginning to think this was too weird! So I said: "Well, just like you I am driving east?"

Then, I heard the stranger, all upset, say: "Look, I'll call you right back, there is some idiot in the next stall answering all the questions I am asking you. Bye!" "

:::snort!!::: It really is the little things in life, isn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 May 02 - 10:38 PM

GREAT STORY!!!! A good laugher! Thanks CS.............BTW, I hate the words "comfort station".......Sounds like you're crapping on a sofa or something.....Options?

bathroom
john
latrine
lav
lavatory
privy
toilet
head
convenience
restroom
washroom
closet
loo
water closet
W.C.
can
commode
crapper
pot
potty
shitter
stool
throne

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: JenEllen
Date: 04 May 02 - 10:41 PM

I had a mildly entertaining time with a vibrating bed this week....*g*

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 04 May 02 - 10:47 PM

'Spaw...Depends on the use, I suppose. If you're hugging instead of sitting, I always liked "Driving the porcelain bus".

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Amergin
Date: 05 May 02 - 12:21 AM

spaw...you forgot office....

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 05 May 02 - 12:46 AM

My most embarrassing moment was when I was on stage! I was playing a most dignified lady who was president of a garden club. I was dressed to the nines of course... and presiding over a very important meeting. I had just finishied conducting the ladies in our "club song". I backed up to my chair and prepared to take my seat in a very lady-like fashion ...I lowered myself very slowly...AND...yep..you guessed it... I missed my chair completely! There I was with my dress up around my neck and my nickers in full view of the audiance...

I still crack myself up whenever think about it!!

LL

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 05 May 02 - 09:21 AM

Lyrical Lady penned: "My most embarrassing moment was when I was on stage! I was playing a most dignified lady..."

Yes, I can imagine that picking some woman up and playing her instead of your instrument can be rather embarrassing at that.

Sorry...I couldn't resist. ;D

Great story LL!

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Jeanie
Date: 05 May 02 - 10:13 AM

When I left home to go to university, my "ever-helpful" mother sewed name tapes into everything - including my knickers. These were the days when boys' and girls' halls of residence were strictly segregated, 10 o'clock curfew and all that - but we did have a communal laundrette, and if we were very daring we could eat in the boys' dining hall. On one such daring day, in a packed dining hall, with a "high table" of various academic tutor-types, a lad called out my name and said "Is she here ?" - Then marched up to me, handed me a pair of my knickers and said: "I think these belong to you - you left them behind."

- jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Amergin
Date: 05 May 02 - 10:31 AM

Celtic soul:

"Yes, I can imagine that picking some woman up and playing her instead of your instrument can be rather embarrassing at that."

Well...not really that embarrassing...it is usually more embarrassing to get caught playing with your instrument....than it is getting caught playing with a woman....

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 05 May 02 - 12:07 PM

Amergin!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Touche'!!

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: C-flat
Date: 05 May 02 - 04:00 PM

At the tender age of 15 I was part of a trio playing on the local scene but the only transport we had was a three-wheeled disabled car, property of our wheelchair-using singer. In order to get the gear to a gig we would remove his wheelchair from beside his driving seat, pack the gear in around him and send him on ahead to wait for us while we walked with the chair. Being the dumb 15 year-olds we were, it seemed like a good idea to take turns in the wheelchair especially down some of the many hills in the area. I waited my turn then duly sped off downhill leaving my friend well out of sight before hitting a raised kerb and almost tipping over. Whilst in the process of righting myself, a large and fully occupied bus stopped in the middle of the road, whereupon the driver leapt out to come to my aid! I can feel the colour rising in my cheeks as I type! Some 60 or so people were looking at me with pity as the driver of the bus helped me to negotiate the next kerb. I rejected his offer to "see me home" and prayed no-one on the bus knew me. There was a moment of temptation when I almost jumped out of the chair and made a run for it " It's a miracle!" but I kept my chin buried into my chest as the helpful driver and half of the passengers on the bus bid me a cheery wave goodbye and dissapeared from view. I took a long and cautious look, jumped out and ran the rest of the way to the gig!

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 05 May 02 - 04:02 PM

Embarrassing moments? going on a school trip to Stratford on Avon to watch Richard III, when the trip was undersubscribed we were told numbers would be made up by visitors from another school.
The following Monday I discover that the girl I shared the back row of the theatre with was the daughter of my maths teacher!
It was a looong time ago!

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: GUEST
Date: 05 May 02 - 09:37 PM

JenEllen says, "I had a mildly entertaining time with a vibrating bed this week....*g*"

Please don't leave us hanging like this!!! Details please???

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Bobert
Date: 05 May 02 - 10:03 PM

The short version. Bobert, age 16, driving an AC Cobra at the local drag strips for Ford Motor Company, where my dad worked. Bobert, Age 16, driving AC Cobra to school as big shot of the local high school. Bobert, age 16, caught racing AC Cobra on the streets. Bobert, age 16, lost license for 12 months (no, make that 12 long months...). Bobert, age 16, walkin' to school for the rest of the school year. Not only embarressin' but down right humilitatin', da' boot... Danged!

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: JenEllen
Date: 06 May 02 - 12:19 AM

Well, Guest, there are a lot of things in this life that I will never live down, and this is one of them:

The state is notorious for paying for no-star conference accommodations, and the motel on the last trip was no exception. The colleague I was rooming with had been a pain the entire trip, giving me hell about a recently acquired sunburn I'd had, and when we got to the room, there was my revenge: MAGIC FINGERS!!!! It's a family tradition, really. We HAVE to try them out--that would explain why there are so damn many of us, but that's another story--and there is nothing more annoying to a guy than to be stuck in a room with a woman who's having a perfectly fun time in bed without him. Revenge would be mine!!

So, I made a big deal about it: "Oh COOL!! I want THIS bed!!" Threw my stuff down, fished out a quarter, popped it in, and laid there shaking and singing "Puttin' On The Ritz" a couple dozen times. My roommate was well beyond irritated by the time the bed quit. He said something about his grandchildren being more mature than I was? I figured I'd just scored a point in the battle of the sexes, be a graceful winner, so I got out my laptop and started catching up on paperwork. Only problem being, the bed wasn't done with ME!

A few minutes had passed, I was quietly working away on my IGB's (important government bullsh*t) and all of the sudden, the bed erupted. All four feet off the floor and shimmied. Roommate peers out of the bathroom: "What was that?" I told him: "It must have been a train?" Just then the damn thing did it AGAIN. I ran. I think it was going for the door too, and there was a tense stand off--the bed galloping towards me-- I was standing on the table and brandishing the Bible from the stand by the phone: "Back, you foul creature!!!" Nothing worked. It left me no choice, I had to unplug it (nearly lost a toe in the process).

I was pretty sure that my roommate had missed the show. When he came out of the bathroom, I was almost back to normal, and casually mentioned that I'd take the bed by the window......He wags the plug at me and tells me: "No way, Princess Pink-Shins. You paid your bed, you lie in it." Hard to know what was more embarrassing, knowing that someone witnessed the entire event (and did a fair bible-swinging impersonation), or hearing the whole sordid thing repeated time and again all during the conference.

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Amergin
Date: 06 May 02 - 12:31 AM

rofl, JE! rofl, rofl! Now are you going to act it out during the gathering? please?

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: DMcG
Date: 06 May 02 - 05:07 AM

When I was 15 or so, I was out on a bike ride with a friend when the bke got a puncture. So I sat and waited while he went home for some bits to help fix it.

While I was waiting a man of about 50 turned up and started chatting. I wasn't really listening and was was "uh-huh"-ing and "Yeah"-ing without paying attention. Now, I have a stammer and at some stage in this he cleverly deduced that my hesitancy was down to not being English and had asked me if I was French - to which I had agreed! At that he got got very excited and wanted to bring his daughter out to join the talk (she was, at 25, far too old for me!). She was studying French at college and it would be an ideal opportunity for her to practise French - and of course it would make me happy as well to meet someone who spoke 'my native language' well.

Not the easiest situation I've ever had to deal with.

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: GUEST,Lyle
Date: 06 May 02 - 08:36 PM

OH, JenEllen!!

I've been laughing so hard for the last half hour I couldn't type!!!

If there had been a movie of that, it would be the #1 of all time.

Fantastic--

Lyle

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: DonD
Date: 06 May 02 - 09:42 PM

I'm still caught up in that great list of alternative 'comfort station' terms. I knew them -- all but one -- and it's now my favrite; the last on eon the list!

Excuse me -- I have to use the spaw!

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 May 02 - 10:19 PM

JenEllen - I am crying as I type. Did it at least stop when you unplugged it? Weren't you looking for the candid camera?

Far funnier than me with my fingers caught in the beaters of the carpet attachment lent to me by a friend. No broken bones but very hurt pride and bruised hands.

You have to share a room with a male? Sounds like grounds for a major lawsuit, especially considering that you preferred possessed magic fingers to him.

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 06 May 02 - 10:21 PM

LOL!!!

Very amusing, JE! And thanks for having the cajones to post it. ;D

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Bill D
Date: 06 May 02 - 10:27 PM

at a local park where the FSGW has done a free festival for most of the last 23 years, there actually was, for many years, a sign on the 'building' saying "Comfort Station"....

at one of our work sessions prior to the festival, we were called to stop for some lunch, but one of the crew, the famous "lamarca" of myriad Mudcat posts, said she'd be along shortly, as she had to "go to the euphemism"

...always did appreciate that woman's grasp of the abusurd..

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: JenEllen
Date: 07 May 02 - 01:07 AM

No Sins, no lawsuit, just the usual. It happens all the time. They figure 6 guys and 2 girls equals 4 rooms, no allowance for the fact that there was a married couple in our party. (and Bill wasn't kidding when he said he had grandsons more mature than I was--back in the dark ages I used to date one of them)

Icing on my cake: I stopped into the office this morning to check my mailbox. The usual crap and phone messages, and some joker had put a photocopy of the 'magic fingers' pamphlet and a roll of quarters in there too.....give me strength.

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: JenEllen
Date: 07 May 02 - 01:12 AM

And yes, it did stop when I unplugged it. It's just that unplugging it was an adventure in itself. When I got the bright idea and climbed down from the table, I swear the thing growled...it just wasn't natural, ya know? And when I fished in back for the plug, it launched again and one foot of the bed came down on my toes. Wherever it was going, it was planning on taking a piece of me with it.

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: GUEST,micca at work.
Date: 07 May 02 - 04:55 AM

JE you are priceless!!! I laughed till the tears ran down my legs!!!
Speaking of the euphemism(thanks for the story Bill, ,Very lamarca )in Whitby, Yorks UK there was a public toilet at the harbour side, with, prominently dispplayed on the outside, the "street name" this obviously didnt mean the same to the locals as it did to a party of Londoners, it said " Khyber Pass" and below "Public Conveniences" ( Khyber Pass, usually shortened to just Khyber is rhyming slang for A**, so "Carry on up the Khyber" is a quite rude film title if you know)

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: GUEST,micca at work
Date: 07 May 02 - 05:10 AM

Sorry, forgot the embarrassing bit, all these serious Yorkshire folk looking at these "looney Southerners" falling over in the street laughing at an "Unfunny" street sign, the more they stared ,the more we laughed.

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: fogie
Date: 07 May 02 - 06:51 AM

The very first time I made love was in an annexe of my hall of residence. I shared a room with another student, and so wishing to be alone we noticed that one room was empty that night. The usual occupant was away we presumed for the week-end, and I must admit we had a wonderfull time. Just as we had fallen into post coital slumbers, there was a dreadful banging and roaring at the door of the prodical student, who unfortunately for us was a born again Christian and did not appreciate the purity of our relationship. Well the noise woke everyone else up in the house, and clasping our clothes to hide ourselves we were expelled from our little Eden and into the hall ,where various bemused inmates were peering down from the balcony. We were awfully ashamed of the scene and one thoughtful chap in a single room donated it for the course of true love to survive, for which I was eternally grateful. You might think that now everybody could get back to sleep, but unfortunately I had somehow lost my (used) condom in the flight , and clothed scantily I went looking for it. I was horrified to see that it had fallen on the corridor behind the onlookers who still leaned over the balcony listening to the rantings of the prodical. I casually walked over to it and stepped on it , then not knowing whether it had been spotted by everybody cocerned I tried to natter to the onlookers, and pretend nothing was wrong. I must have stood there for 15mins at least getting frozen, until the crowd dissipated, during which my girlfriend was shouting to ask me what on earth I was doing. I got back to bed frozen ,embarrassed and couldnt bring myself to explain why on earth I had not come back to her. This is a cathartic confession . I hope to be able to laugh at it with you in future, anyway I no longer cringe at the memory. Young love eh!!

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 02 - 10:12 PM

LOL guys -- oh, what is to be hoomin', eh??

A

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Amergin
Date: 08 May 02 - 01:27 AM

Notice how JE deftly (or so she thought) brushed my question aside....

So, Jen, if you act your moment out I will promise not to act the following moment out....

Several years ago (more like eight), i was just nineteen years old...and going to a New Year's Eve party with a friend of mine....well...I only knew one person at this party and that was him...so to cover my anxieties and my lack of social skills I drank everything I could lay my hands on...from cheap beer to cheap wine and champagne...jungle juice....whiskey....vodka....tequila...gin..,..if it came in a bottle, I drank it....well there was this cute girl that I was chatting up...in fact I had pretty much spent the evening talking to her (probably boring the snot out of her)...with my intoxication level...my hopes rose....when suddenly BLURP....this cheese stuff mixed in with salsa and chips came out of my throat and onto my shirt...BLURP it did it again....My friend had to cdrag me up and drag me outside I was so far gone....where I finished the business...needless to say I didn't get any that night....

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Dharmabum
Date: 08 May 02 - 09:40 AM

A few of my closer Mudcat buddies have already heard this one, but I guess it's time to share it with the rest of you.

About 20 years ago, I was part of a crew working with a plumbing contractor. As we worked primarily on new houses, there were never operational bathroom facilities until our portion of the job was completed, therefore leaving us to seek out "alternate facilities" in and around the job site, or possibly a nearby business with public restrooms.

One very foggy morning, a coworker and I had been assigned to go start "roughing in" a new house that was located halfway up the side of a very large wooded hill.

After unloading our truck of our tools and needed supplies for our day's work, my morning coffee began to "kick in," so, grabbing a handful of napkins from the glovebox, I ventured into that thick morning fog, for the woods next to the house.

Locating a suitable clearing in the woods in which to do my business, I "dropped trou" & did just that.

As the morning hours rolled by, the fog had cleared, the sun began to shine, & I was busy sweating (soldering) pipes together in the basement of this new dwelling.

My coworker, who was beginning to feel the effects of his morning coffee, approaches me, inquiring as to the whereabouts of my "facilitation," so as not to "step" in the wrong place.

While I was pointing to the general direction of the "clearing in the woods," he kept looking at me somewhat puzzled & repeatedly asked "Where?"

Finally, getting rather frustrated, I climbed down from my stepladder and walked to the window as I proceeded to direct him "RIGHT OVER TH...."

That's right, folks, in that thick morning fog, in that "so thick you can't see six feet in front of you" fog, I had managed to mistake the middle of someone's front lawn for that "little clearing in the woods."

Well, after we had laughed so hard that my buddy had almost soiled himself, I was faced with the dilemma of cleaning up my deposit (with which came a very good chance of being seen by the occupants of the house) or leaving them to discover it on their own and hopefully concluding that there were some very hygienic forms of wildlife inhabiting the nearby woods.

I opted for the latter solution.

I periodically run into some of the guys from that plumbing crew. And I'm told that now & then, "The Legend of the Phantom Crapper" is still told during the occasional coffee break.

DB.

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: GUEST,guest (don't want to reveal identity)
Date: 08 May 02 - 10:19 AM

I was a mid level executive at a fortune 500 company. It probably wasn't a good idea but I had a fling with a married co-worker. Nobody would have ever guessed - I was always primly dressed in power suits and he was Mr. Dignified - except when we were alone. We were always discreet, and NOBODY suspected anything. I seldom left personal messages on the company voicemail despite the fact that everybody had a password to get into their own voicemail, so it was relatively secure. But one night on a business trip I ended up in a hotel room that had a red hot tub in it. I couldn't resist and left my secret lover a very explicit message describing all kinds of wicked things I wanted to do to him in the hot tub. About a week later I was back in the office and my boss came in and closed the door. THAT NIGHT THEY HAD BEEN DOING SOME WORK ON THE VOICE MAIL SYSTEM AND AND ALL THE MESSAGES GOT SCREWED UP. My x-rated message had gone to the voice mail box (horrible but true!) of the vice-president of human resources. She had called my boss and they had listened to it together, then decided he should have a talk with me! I remember thinking "God, if you're there please open up the ground and swallow me up". No, I didn't get fired, just chewed out. Their main concern was that things would go sour and I'd file a sexual harrassment suit or something. I swore that I was sexually harrassing him, not the other way around. This incident made me realize how stupid I was for indulging in an affair and we ended it shortly afterwards. We remain friends to this day, however.

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: JenEllen
Date: 08 May 02 - 10:28 AM

Dharmabum....very nice! All I get is this mixed mental picture of those bears on the toilet paper ads and those old Warner Brothers cartoons "Mornin' Fred." "Mornin' Ralph".....rotfl

Amergin, there will be no theatre show. That kind of language isn't suitable for mixed company.

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Dharmabum
Date: 08 May 02 - 10:59 AM

Yea Jen,I guess it's just my sick sense of humor,but I still chuckle every time I picture those poor folks trying to figure out what type of animal left it there!

DB.

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 08 May 02 - 11:44 AM

Blimey, there's some classic moments there and I think fogie tops it on the cringe stakes.
The best I can offer is the time (about 10 years ago) when the extra padding on my wonderbra fell out when I was brushing the floor of the restaurant where I worked... yes, people noticed. I was about 16 or 17 years old and quite mortified. Now I no longer own a wonderbra, such is the level of maturity I think I've reached. By the way, I believe they're called wonderbras because you wonder where all the cleavage has gone when they're taken off.

I do recall one other cringey time when I was with my first serious boyfriend. He still lived at home with his (very liberal) mother. I went to visit him one day and found him asleep in the spare room, so I crawled in beside him. Twenty minutes later his mother walked in, didn't bat an eyelid, but proceeded to put a pile of clothes in the airing cupboard while saying "oh, hello dear, don't stop on my account". I don't even think we were up to much, but that made it even worse - I was so embarrassed that she thought we were.

And that triggers my last one. At my parent's 25th wedding anniversary they were having a lot of guests to stay. I was at uni at the time, but was coming home for it with my then-boyfriend. Usually he was banished to the spare room, but I knew that that night it would be used for other guests, so I wondered what the sleeping arrangements would be. I asked my mother where he would sleep, and she told me he would have my bed. I asked her where I would sleep, and she replied "you can sleep there too - I've discussed it with your father and we've agreed it's fine provided we don't hear you humping". Cue me, redfaced, placing pillows down the middle of the bed and lying so far over to the edge my bloke couldn't have reached me if he'd tried. (Not that it would have mattered - he was dead drunk anyway by the time we got to bed.) From that day on, boyfriends were permitted to stay in my room when we visited my parents.

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Amergin
Date: 08 May 02 - 01:34 PM

Oh my god, Fibs...rofl...rofl...I can quite imagine it...that last one especially...rofl...I get red faced and a bit hot around the neck when my mom talks about me and my partners and such like that...rofl....

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 08 May 02 - 05:20 PM

Great stories!

I've had too many embarrassing moments to count, but one that has been cropping up for years is calling people by wrong names. Doesn't seem so bad when you just print it out, but oh, the humiliation when you're introducing your girlfriend to someone and you forget her name!

It's a funny kind of memory-loss considering that I can recall what instrument and model everyone I've either seen or met was playing right back to the stone age.

Hugo

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 02 - 11:02 PM

Well, maybe girlfriends are less meaningful than music, Rick! :>) I mean, especially since the Only One came along!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Embarrassing moments...
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 09 May 02 - 03:17 AM

Amergin- the thought of boring the snot out of someone - eurggghh - what a graphic image!

Rick - I'm glad to hear its possible to forget the name of a girlfriend. Mark used to introduce me by the name of my best friend (and this was when we were married!).
In his defence, her first name (Penny) is the same as my maiden surname. Good thing I'm a trusting soul though.

I shall now reveal my most aweful embarrassing moment...
I was young, naive & vain - and didn't like to wear my glasses despite being blind as a bat without them.
There were a group of us weaving our way drunkenly to the next party, when one of them whispered in my ear something about having no arms. I took up the cry, and folded my arms against my body & started shouting about having no arms.
Imagine my total horror when someone explained to me that a girl in the group of people we had just passed was a thalidomide victim & had no arms......

I got contact lenses soon after that......


KRis