BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog

Subject: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: GUEST,Rather Not Say
Date: 05 May 02 - 01:40 AM

This evening while I was driving to town a german shepherd that belongs to one of my neighbors down the street jumped out of some tall weeds and ran directly in front of my truck. I braked hard and swerved but could not avoid hitting the dog even though I wasn't going very fast. I stopped my truck, got out and checked the dog (it was breathing shallowly) and then ran to the neighbor's house and told her what had happened. We ran back and the dog had expired. We pulled the dog off the road and she went back into her house and I left. She was devastated, but thanked me for having told her. I've been a wreck all evening, as I've lost pets like this myself and am torn up by the pain she's going through. I called a mutual friend and told him to get in touch with her, since I couldn't imagine she'd want me to hang around. Any thoughts as to what I could do for my neighbor would be appreciated.

RNS

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Genie
Date: 05 May 02 - 02:21 AM

Guest, I don't know what to tell you as to what you can do for your neighbor, except let her know that you feel terrible and want to do what you can to help.

This is an awful experience for both of you, I'm sure. At least, though, she knows you were concerned and did what you could for the dog, and perhaps this will be of some comfort.

As bad as you inevitably feel when an animal runs right into the path of your car, please try not to blame yourself.

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Amergin
Date: 05 May 02 - 02:24 AM

send a gift basket with a card and flowers...it will not ease her pain...or yours...but it will let her know you care....

I ran over some one'es puppy few years ago...when I was first starting driving after getting my license....and killed the poor thing...i pulled over the side...and the owner's brother pulled him off the road and we stood there helpless as it died....there iwas 24 years old and crying as he lay there....went home and fell into my mother's arms...still have problems passing that house....

((((((RNS)))))

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Banjer
Date: 05 May 02 - 03:44 AM

Guest(Rather Not Say)...I can understand the feeling of helplessness that comes from a situation like this. I hit a kitten which ran into the path of my motorcycle years ago and still can't pass that spot without thinking of that moment and feeling badly. The kitten was killed instanly and therefore didn't suffer, but even that is no great relief. This took place some eighteen years ago and I will never forget it. I stopped and asked folks in neighboring houses whose kitten it may have been and their reply was that there were so many cats in that neighborhood who would miss one! It either did not belong to any of them or they had so little regard for life that they didn't care, I don't know which it was.

The fact that this event bothers you and that you stopped to try to aid the animal and then went to get the owner speaks volumes for your love of animals and life in general. I know you would 'rather not say' but know that I would be proud to count you as a friend.

It bothers me greatly when I see any animal laying dead in the road, wild or domestic. They either don't know about the dangers or are so trusting of man that they don't feel threatened by his machines. This is also true of children, but (I know this will sound bad), if I see an adult hit in an accident (and I have seen several) I feel bad for them but still think that THEY could have excercised more care and caution. Somehow it's just different when its a small child or an animal.

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: kendall
Date: 05 May 02 - 08:17 AM

Don't avoid the dog's owner; no doubt she is feeling guilty for allowing the dog to run free. It is illegal in most places.

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 05 May 02 - 08:41 AM

Ask her what you can do for her. From person to person, the answer will be different.

I know this probably won't help, but you are not to blame for the dogs death...

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 May 02 - 11:15 AM

I've been on both sides of the fence.

One day I arrived home and my neighbors came over to tell me that my beloved, big, beautiful collie had been hit by the mail truck, clipped as the dog popped out of the ditch directly into its path. My neighbors had already buried the dog so I wouldn't have to.

Then one dark rainy night a few years later I was on the coast highway in Oregon, on a small bridge, traffic going both directions, going only about 35 mph. Into my headlights came a happy, ear-flapping cocker-spaniel sized dog, directly between my front wheels. There was no way I could miss him; I couldn't even swerve. Went back to the gas station at the bridge and there was a vacationing couple from the east gassing up their camper, who were calling for their little dog that had jumped out of the camper to chase a dune buggy. The woman said, 'I just don't know how we're going to tell our little daughter who is sleeping in the camper. He's her puppy.'

Of the two I actually felt worse about the spaniel. In my defense, my collie's death took place in the days when the law didn't require him to be tied up- but it seems that I should have been aware of the danger. I was aware I was fortunate that his action didn't cause damage or harm to someone else.

I guess that's how it crystallizes: the animal owner is the one who suffers the loss but also stands at the ultimate line of responsibility.

It helps to remind oneself that there is no way you would have chosen to cause this, and it helps to remind oneself that had it happened to you and yours, you would forgive the other person. There are times when life is really difficult; we can only muddle on...

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 02 - 11:25 AM

Talking to her is the best advice; and, maybe, you could buy her a puppy.

A

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Sorcha
Date: 05 May 02 - 11:32 AM

NO! Don't buy a puppy or offer too! It took 4 years from the time we lost our first Corgi to be able to get another one. It just hurt too damn much. Flowers or fruit basket would be fine. In the end, it really is the owners fault for not securing the dog.

Yes, I have had dogs make escapes from "secure" yards, and I live in terror until they are found and home again. I would NEVER blame the driver if my dog were running loose. At least you stopped and tried. Most people won't even do that much.

Don't beat yourself too much.

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Maryrrf
Date: 05 May 02 - 11:46 AM

My heart goes out to you and the owner of the dog. I've never hit a dog (thank god) although I have hit squirrels, unfortunately. But last spring I was traveling behind a car that hit a dog. The car didn't stop. I did and stayed there helplessly while the dog died. It was out in the country and I had no idea how to go about finding the owners. I was unbelievably shaken up, so I can imagine what you must be going through. I keep my dog confined in a fenced yard but, very occasionally, she has gotten out. One of my greatest fears when this happens is that she isn't "street smart" and would certainly run into the path of a car if a squirrel or cat happened to be on the other side of the road. If your neighbors are anywhere near reasonable they won't blame you for the accident. YOu did the honorable thing and told her, and there wasn't much else you could do. I agree with previous posts, that's the risk for pets that run loose. The owner is ultimately responsible.

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Mickey191
Date: 05 May 02 - 12:23 PM

Ditto Maryrrf last line-the owner must bare the total responsibility for the loss. I can only imagine how terrible you feel. On 3 different occasions I've had dogs run in front of me, and thank god they were near misses. On each occasion I made it my business to go to the owners (all strangers) and tell them what happened. I was polite & explained that I wanted them to know that their dog had no fear of autos and the next time it might be deadly. Twice I was cursed at and told to MYOB. The third person thanked me. Some people should not have animals. I've had dogs all my life, never has one of them been allowed to run free.

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: sophocleese
Date: 05 May 02 - 12:40 PM

RNS, thank you for letting the owner know right away. I have had a cat killed on the road and nobody bothered to let me know it had been hit. It was awful to find her on the road with no warning. Hitting the dog was a hideous accident but you're doing your best to make amends. Calling a mutual friend to comfort her was a good idea and showed your concern. Flowers or a letter are also a nice idea. Forgive yourself too. It was a pure accident and you are not to blame.

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 May 02 - 04:18 PM

I can understand how bad you feel, and I think finding a place to express that has been and is a good idea and appropriate. But once you have reached the other side of this, after dealing with your own feelings about it, you will have to realize that it is't, ultimately, about you, and how bad you feel.... it's about the owner. You have lots of options in dealing with the owner. One of them is to let the owner set the tone, and respect that they will give you a signal about what they need from you in response. It will be something totally individual-- you cannot offer help based on what worked for someone else.... what will be needed is something fresh and new for THIS situation, based on your accurate reading of what THIS person seems to need.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Big Mick
Date: 05 May 02 - 08:13 PM

Yep, just want to echo everyone else. What a horrible feeling. It speaks well of you that you are honorable enough and cared enough to seek her out. I would second the notion that you should not avoid the owners. It will be good for you and her to deal with it. In the meantime let me add my voice to the others and say that I am sorry this happened and wish you well.

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: GUEST,Rather Not Say
Date: 05 May 02 - 08:32 PM

Thanks to everyone for the insight and advice. My wife, who was with me in the truck at the time, had said many similar things to me before I came to the forum. I'm still having trouble dealing with this, but your comments have made it easier for me to be patient and let things take their own course with respect to my neighbor.

We live in the middle of nowhere on the top of a mountain, and the road we're on is populated by untold numbers of wildlife. Most people let their dogs run free at least some of the time because most of the mountain is empty fields. There is no leash law. On this particular trip, I had passed a squirrel that had been squashed by a car, then immediately almost clipped a huge vulture that was trying to eat it, then about a quarter mile later a small goat ran in front of my truck (I braked hard and missed it). And then the german shepherd ran out in front of me.

Over the past five months since I've moved here from downtown Washington DC (where I've never seen anything other than squirrels), I've hit three deer (the last time two at once -- it would have been six as the herd stopped right in the middle of the road, but I was going 15 miles an hour less than the speed limit), a hawk, and something I think was an owl (these last two actually swooped down on my truck, apparently trying to crash through my windshield), causing $3,000 worth of damage to my vehicles in addition to the loss of animal life (the latter bothers me more); this all has led to me travelling very slowly on the mountain, but apparently not slowly enough. I thought I was numbed to hitting animals and was starting to consider it an inevitable part of living in the wilderness (everyone suffers from these sorts of collisions here), but hitting this dog was completely different and very painful since I knew it and its owner.

Thanks again for all your comments. They have helped much.

RNS

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 05 May 02 - 10:23 PM

Like most of us, I've had the experience of hitting and killing a dog. and a cat. In neither case was there anything I could possible have done about it.

Banjer: I hope that you never have the experience of hitting an adult. One dark night many years ago, I came around a curve, and there was a man standing in the center of the highway who made no attempt to get out of the way. I swerved and went off the road, but I still killed him. He had wandered away from a bus tour of a group of emotionally disturbed adults, and somehow ended up in front of me on the highway, a hundred miles away from where he got separated. It's definitely worse than hitting a dog.

That said, my sympathy goes out to our Guest. I know the pain of killing any animal.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Banjer
Date: 06 May 02 - 06:15 AM

Jerry, I didn't mean to say that it wouldn't severely effect me if I was involved in the accident, even as a passenger. I certainly would!! What I meant was coming upon such a scene after the fact, it would bother me in any case, but much more if it was a child or an animal.

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 06 May 02 - 06:35 AM

Please clarify, Banjer... You mean if you saw a man lying alongside the road who had been killed by a car, it wouldn't bother you as much as seeing a dog that had been killed?

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Banjer
Date: 06 May 02 - 08:38 PM

It would bother me in either case, but more so in the case of the animal or small child which didn't know better than to venture into traffic, unlike a normal adult. Again there are circumstances such as the mental condition of the person at the time which would come into play, but a rational, thinking human being should not put himself in danger.

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 02 - 10:42 PM

Jerry:

My heart goes out to you,man; I don't think I would ever get over going through that.

RNS: It has been a rough spell, since you moved out there, hasn't it? But from what you've said, I think you're doing the right thing and I bet after a while all these guys will stop running out and hitting you -- I'm not being facetious, either. Mountains are funny places, and sometimes they are a little slow accepting people. But they do in time.

A

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 07 May 02 - 12:25 AM

Thanks, Amos:

Maybe I'll p.m. you and tell you the whole story... very powerful and amazing, as well as traumatizing. A couple of weeks before the accident, I had "written" a song. I hadn't written down the words, don't have the musical sophistication to write down the melody and hadn't taped the song. As I sat in the State Police car (locked in the back) I kept repeating the chorus in my head, like a prayer. There goes that darned word again. The chorus got me through that night. By the next day, I had completely forgotten that I'd spoken the chorus in my head... even forgotten that I'd ever written the song. It wasn't until weeks later that I remembered that I'd spoken the chorus in my head while I sat in the Police car for close to an hour. It took a couple of weeks to bring the song back up out of my subconscious, a line at a time. The chorus to the song is:

"And in the darkness, give me the eyes of faith
In my sorrow, send down your healing grace
And on my journey, may my path be straight
May my heart find rest in Thee

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: bad day, ran over neighbor's dog
From: SharonA
Date: 07 May 02 - 06:52 PM

To "Rather Not Say": I don't have much to add except to say that I'm sympathizing with you, too, and that you're to be commended for all that you did after the accident. It's to be expected that you will grieve for this dog you knew, and grieve along with the neighbor you know, but try not to put guilt on top of that. It was an accident.

I concur with Sorcha that getting a puppy for any grieving pet owner is not a good idea; even if the person is emotionally ready to have another pet in his or her life right away, the new pet should be picked out only by the prospective new-pet owner (and vice versa – sometimes the pup picks the person!). You could offer to pay for a puppy your neighbor would pick out whenever she's ready, but you'd have to be careful not to make it sound as if she were being pressured to get another pet right away.

A fruit basket or flowers would be a nice gesture to add to those you've already made, to let her know of your concern for her. The call to the mutual friend requesting that he get in touch with the dog's owner was especially classy.

One thing I would suggest for the future, more for the deer on the roads than for other animals (and for your own safety in an area populated with deer): have you considered putting those plastic deer-whistles on your car (the ones that are supposed to make a noise deer can hear when air moves through the whistles as the car is moving)? Some people claim that they don't work, but I've never had a deer problem when using them. They're very inexpensive, so it couldn't hurt to try them out, at least.