BS: Idiots(humor)

Subject: BS: Idiots(humor)
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 16 Jan 03 - 01:20 PM

<
IDIOTS IN SERVICE
This week, all our office phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. & 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email. (Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?)

IDIOTS AT WORK
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she couldn't complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Too many deer were being hit by cars and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTING #1
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask!"

IDIOT SIGHTING #2
The stop light on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"

IDIOT SIGHTING #3
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself & for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

IDIOT SIGHTING #4
When my husband & I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department & found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle & discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey", I announced to the technician, "It's open!" To which he replied, "I know -I already got that side."

You know I believe there are really people out there like this!
Peace, Rustic

Subject: RE: BS: Idiots(humor)
From: Don Firth
Date: 16 Jan 03 - 04:35 PM

When I was going to the University of Washington School of Music in the Fifties, each classroom had a phonograph. It sat there in a large, nicely finished wooden box, and to get at it, you first had to lift the lid. Pasted under the lid were the instructions for use. The first instruction was "Lift lid."

But there's more. It went on to explain how to place a record on the spindle and carefully place the needle on the first track. The next instruction was "Press 'Start' switch." The instruction following that said, "Make sure machine is plugged in."

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Idiots(humor)
From: mack/misophist
Date: 17 Jan 03 - 12:52 PM

The credit card girl was probably only ignorant. The transaction isn't 100% official unless the card is signed. I once met a DA who had stickers on the backs of his cards that said "Ask for a picture ID". He told me many clerks were offended at being told what to do.

Subject: RE: BS: Idiots(humor)
From: Mr Red
Date: 17 Jan 03 - 01:57 PM

I always reckon IQ is inversely related to speed. I do the dumbest things when finishing off in the rush to meet my "honey". Mind you I make the dumbest associations of facts when there is too much time (ie a minimum of motivation).

Having said that, if I was told by a boss what to do & paid at a level where they just ain't paying for gumption they ain't gonna get it.

Subject: RE: BS: Idiots(humor)
From: Ron Olesko
Date: 17 Jan 03 - 02:03 PM

I have never been able to get a straight answer on this one.

You go to a fast food restaurant. The soda comes in three sizes - medium, large and extra large.   I ask for a small and told that they do not have that size.   Did I miss something in grade school? Wouldn't medium be the MIDDLE of the three sizes?

Subject: RE: BS: Idiots(humor)
From: ced2
Date: 17 Jan 03 - 02:04 PM

The village idiot was sat on the parapet of the bridge, fishing rod in hand when along came the village college professo. "Ha ha," said the latter "You'll not catch anything doing that."
"Yus I will." said the happy chappy.
"Don't be stupid," retorted the professor, "Its a railway bridge."
"Still catch something." said the chappie.
" Well then," sneered the professor "What have you caught today?"
"You." came the retort.

Subject: RE: BS: Idiots(humor)
From: khandu
Date: 17 Jan 03 - 02:17 PM

Actual conversation between me and a girl at McDonald's drive-thru:

"I'll have a large vanilla shake and a large Coke"

She- "Sir, we are out of large shakes."

Me- "Can I get a medium shake?"

She- "yes"

Me- "I assume then that you are out of large cups"

She- "Yes"

Me- Can I get a large Coke?"

She- "yes"

Me- "Well, give me two large Cokes, but in one of them I want a Vanilla shake."

She-" Sir, we are out of large shakes."

Me- "I don't want a large shake. I want two large Cokes, but in one of them, I don't want Coke. I want a Vanilla shake"

She- "You want fries with that?"

k

Subject: RE: BS: Idiots(humor)
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Jan 03 - 03:16 PM

In a pub not a million miles from this very terminal, I wanted a drink one night.. Conversation went like this.

Me: What beer do you have please?

Barmaid: Eerrrr (can't type the accent but she was an Antipodean lass), we got Fosters, Forecks or Caaalsberg.

Me: No, that's lager, I mean beer, real ale please.

BM: Eeerrrrrr, weell there's Whitbread.

Me: Ah. No. Can I have a bottle of Barley Wine please?

BM: Eeeerrrrrrrrrrr,is thet hewuse red or Reisling?

Me: Bottle of cider please.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Idiots(humor)
From: Tiger
Date: 17 Jan 03 - 05:34 PM

"Five Easy Pieces", Nicholson, and the tuna sandwich rise up immediately from the dusty archives.

Subject: RE: BS: Idiots(humor)
From: Gurney
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 02:33 AM

Instructions for use on my new electric kettle include:
Protect equipment from water.
Do not use without supervision.

When I wanted a cuppa THEY WOULDN'T COME!

Subject: RE: BS: Idiots(humor)
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 04:08 AM

I recently got some medication to help with my dizzy spells and fainting.... The Dr suggested it was vertigo, so gave me some medication that was supposed to suppress those feelings. On the list of side effects it says: caution, may cause dizzyiness or fainting.
I can't win!!

And from a manager:

An Email to tell me not to Email him but to go and see him face to face.

I was running late and sent a text message to a colleague to tell them so. She told the manager. When I got in, the manager sent the same colleague down to see me (we are all in the same large room), to tell me from him, not to use a third person to pass messages.

LTS