BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.

Subject: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: jimlad
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 09:04 AM

A guy on our Local Radio told this tale

As a young man he was invited to his girlfriends for his first Sunday Tea.He was trying to impress and behaved impeccably until the meal ended and the lasses mother suggested that they went into the best front room ie the 'parlour'.

They sat in front of a cosy open fire making small talk,the lad started to feel relaxed and was gettimg on fine with his prospective in-laws when Dad got up to let the Budgie out of it's cage for a flypast.

As the bird flew in a dipping motion across the room,our hero crossed his legs.This had the efect of propelling the Budgie onto the fire.There was a squawk followed by a puff of smoke and a well done bird was deposited on to the hearth.

He did'nt say whether he later married the girl.

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 09:21 AM

Possibly an urban myth. The following was found by doing a search on "Budgie" + "Fire" at "Snopes"

Smith, 1986]
There are times when you can try just too hard. A young man was invited for the first time to visit his girlfriend's parent's home. As he was very keen for them to like him he was all set to make a good impression, whatever might happen.

When he arrived at the house he was invited in only to discover immediately that his future mother-in-law was desperately fond of budgerigars. Unluckily the young man was allergic to such pets -- a fact which he regrettably attempted to hide.

They were sitting together in the lounge when the conversation turned to pet birds and the girl's mother let the budgie out of its cage to fly around the room. It flew round for a while and then settled on the young man's head. In desperation he tried to dislodge it but misjudged his actions and knocked the bird straight off his head into the roaring fire, where it burnt to death in front of everyone.



Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: WFDU - Ron Olesko
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 11:19 AM

I once dated a girl and she had a parakeet. She let the bird out of the cage and the little creature decided to sit on my head and nature quickly took its course. I don't know what kind of seed they were feeding the bird.   Of course the girl and her mother were hysterical as I sat there with the damn bird and its byproduct on my head. I only wish there were a fire!!!!!

Ron

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: *daylia*
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 11:43 AM

Ron did you ever chant this rhyme when you were a kid?

"Birdie birdie in the sky
Dropped some white-wash in my eye.
I'm a big boy - I don't cry
But geez I'm lucky cows don't fly!"

I remember my very first date. We had a big German Shepherd who was not very obedient, very protective and quite unpredictable. When the nervous young man came to pick me up and meet my parents, she crouched at his feet under the kitchen table and growled menacingly the whole time no matter how I tried to get her to be quiet and back off. Actually I think my parents rather enjoyed the whole scene ... and as if that wasn't bad enough, when we got up to leave she actually tore a hole right through his pant-leg trying to take a piece out of him. I was just devastated!

Then when we came back from the movies, all four of my younger brothers and sisters had their faces glued to the screen windows, teasing "___ and ___, sittin in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G" as he tried to kiss me goodnight. I could've wrung their scrawny little necks!

It's a wonder he ever came back!

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Don Firth
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 02:57 PM

On one of the late-night talk shows years ago (Johnnie Carson or Dick Cavett), Truman Capote told a story about something that happened to an acquaintance of his. The friend had met a woman he found very attractive, asked her out, and she accepted. On the evening of their first date, a particularly warm summer evening in New York, he called for her at her apartment. She wasn't quite ready, so while he waited, he played with her Great Dane who was chasing a ball around the apartment. At one point, he tossed the ball to the dog, it took a bad bounce, it and went out the open window. The dog leaped out the window after it. The guy sat there absolutely horrified. The woman's apartment was on the eighteenth floor. When she came out all ready to go, she didn't notice the absence of the dog, and they left for the evening's activities. The guy couldn't work up the guts to tell her what had happened, and although she seemed to thoroughly enjoy his company, he spent the whole evening wallowing in agony and guilt. At the end of the evening, he dropped her off at her apartment and slunk off into the dark. Never saw her again.

"Well. . . ." said Capote in his funny little voice, "what would you do in a case like that?"

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 04:56 PM

Don, I would suspect the Capote story to be a bit of apocrypha (sp)if it weren't for what happened here in Juneau several years ago.

We have a 4-stor(e)y parking garage here. One day a young man was allegedly training his dog for Frisbee competition by throwing a frisbee for it on the third floor. He evidently threw the frisbee nearer and nearer to the open-sided wall until it eventually sailed out and the dog leapt after it.

The dog was badly injured and died.

I don't know the final outcome of the episode but I do know the man was arrested and charged with animal cruelty, as well he should be, imo.

My theory is that even though he did not want his dog to die, he had started wondering what would happen if the dog leaped after the frisbee, that there was an awful fascination with the idea...

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 05:11 PM

Once when picking up a date I needed to use the facilities. It was a 'MAYDAY!' situation. I did so and returned to the living room to continue polite conversation. The bathroom was close to the living room and my position on the couch was close to the hall. An unmistakable smell began to waft it's way past my nose and a little more than embarrassed I excused myself, went into the bathroom and...no fan! So, I opened the window a crack and left the door shut, but it was too late. As I walked back into the living room the area was permeated with the foul(to anyone but me, anyway)odor. Needless to say there wasn't a second date and this is the first time I've confessed this foul deed to anyone!

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: khandu
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 05:27 PM

Last day of school, 1966, I was thirteen, riding home on the back of my friend's little Honda cycle. I saw my "girlfriend" ahead walking home. As we pulled beside her at a speed of 20mph, I though it would be really cool if I simply stood and let the Honda drive out from under me. Unfortunately, my body responded just as the thought crossed my mind. I dropped my feet to the pavement, and stood. But the law of inertia proved true.

As my body continued to move forward, my nose hit the tail-light, breaking both, the nose and the light. I rolled head over heels a few times, finally coming to a stop face down in a ditch.

As I lay in the ditch, praying that I was dead, I heard the sounds of laughter. My girlfriend was pointing at me, laughing her fool head off.

Fortunately, we moved to another town that summer. I have not seen her since that day. I hope I never do!

k

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: diesel
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 07:49 PM

On a first date - at least to meet the parents that is, I was politely sitting down when the let in a litlle dog of terrier type, it just ran wild and barking eventuallly running up over the couch I was on. Well on it's second pass - I'ld already had enough and caught the little dog by the throat mid-flight, and pinned it to the floor - then I remembered where I was...My date's mother just looked at me open mouthed..

and to top that - same evening I'ld missed the bus home, so had to stay over - nothing unusual 'till the Mother again walked in whilst we were a little compromised.

Lovely date - we still went out together for a while after that .

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 08:32 PM

Once again, "Snopes" already has this 'Urban Myth'. searching 'Google' with "Snopes dog ball window" gets this story

Sorry to be such a wet blanket!

Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Don Firth
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 09:21 PM

Well, I guess Snopes is not 100%. I saw the show with my own two eyeballs, and pondering the matter a bit more, I'm sure it was the Dick Cavett show. Reading the Snopes rundown, I'd forgotten Elaine May's comment, but she did indeed say that.

I've always considered Snopes completely reliable when it comes to debunking urban legends, but now I'm not so sure.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Don Firth
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 10:06 PM

Thread creep:--

Snopes says Did the "pooch in pursuit of the ball" tragedy really happen to someone of Capote's acquaintance? We'll never know now that the man is no longer with us (Capote died in 1984) and therefore can't direct us to his hapless unnamed friend for confirmation. Events could have unfolded as described, but it's equally likely this skilled storyteller wove the tale out of whole cloth, or that in true urban legend fashion he picked up the story from someone else, then personalized it when reaching for an amusing tale to entertain folks with by starring "a friend" in the main role. But whatever involvement Capote had with this tale back in the early 1970s, the story itself has gone on to be told as true about countless other people and thus qualifies as an urban legend.

I certainly can't verify the truth of Capote's story, and I did think at the time that it was too good a story to be true. But the show did exist, whether Snopes can verify it or not. They probably could if they really wanted to chase it down, because I definitely remember that Elaine May was on the show, she did say what is attributed to her (typical Elaine May humor, and she got a big laugh with it), and she is still alive and kickin'. She may very well remember.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Neighmond
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 11:32 PM

I went to pick a date up some yeatertime that lived in a large old house up in Shiloh Hill. They had a three stall garage that had a longish shed connecting it to the south porch of the house.

One particularly foul day I pulled in the lane as close to the house as i could (in front of the east overhead door)and got out. She saw me coming so she came out to get in the car, saw the rain and decided to go through the shed and garage so as not to wet her hair and clothes.
I heard the door from the shed to the garage slam and assumed she would come through the walk-through door on the west corner of the garage, but she had other ideas. I soon heard a garage-door opener fire up, and the door directly in front of my car began to swing up.

Did I mention this house was OLD?

The garage doors were all made of shiplap, and pivoted to swing up. The lower half on such a door projects out about two or three feet when it opens, then draws back into the dorway as it nears the top.

The door hit the front of my car, which was parked at most twelve inches away (I park by braille-pull in till the door moved and back up a scosch) and the opener, old though it was, merrily pulled along. Smashed the lower portion of the door all to hell! It seems the door had a little rot in it anyway, and whacking it against an Oldsmobile Toronado did it NO good at all! Her dad chewed my arse forever about that door, but we still went on to see each other for a while thereafter!


FWIW
CHAZ

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Deckman
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 11:57 PM

Hey Don Firth ... YOU were witness to one of my more embarrasing events. I'll remind you: The year was 1959. Darling Patti had just introduced a certain woman to the two of us. She shall remain nameless, except that you know that I later married her and stayed in that condition for 26 years! I was having a hoot at the Sylvester Road home. I'd asked the afformentioned lady to come to the gathering and she turned me down. So I then invited another lady, "Miss Burien", as I recall. She had just won some beauty pagent and she was very impressed with herself. The evening was going fine, when all of the sudden, in walked Darling Patti, with this certain woman in tow. It seemed that Patti had changed this certain woman's mind and they just arrived. So, there I was with two ladies of interest. I remember that I left my own hoot early to take Miss Burien home. I got back home some time later and now had to "entertain" this certain woman. It was a very long and busy night! Ahhh the memories of fools!. CHEERS, Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Micca
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 05:13 AM

Visualise, late night, (11.30 ish) sofa , living room in an old house, couple ( Moi and daughter of the House) in an extremely Delectably flagrant position on said sofa, imposible to conceal the state of activities (which were at the beyond control stage) , door opens, enter young ladies father.......(pause for dramatic music)
father mutters,"Ooops Sorry", retreats, removing door key, He then LOCKED the door and PUSHED the key back under it!!!!!
I wish I had been half as comoposed as he was!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Callie
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 06:07 AM

Most embarassing musical moment:

About to get up as special guest sax player with the band who was the hot favoirite to win the Uni band comp.

Enter Nancy - biggest precocious twat at school who I had not had the pleasure of seeing again til that moment. She fancied herself something awful.

She strode up to me and giggled something about "oh so you're a groupie now". I smiled politely thinking "I'll show you, baby".

The band is playing. My big moment and I step up on stage. The sax won'r work at all. I try again - blow ... nothing. A spring had come off the thing and it wouldn't make a sound.

I think I withdrew to the toilets and cried.

The band won regardless and they shared the prize with me (which i think was free booze) and were very nice about the mishap.

Callie

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 08:23 AM

Walking to my senior school, all the way from my house to school (about a mile) with my skirt tucked into my knickers. Which meant I walked into school with ALOT of other people, who didn't tell me!

Wasn't until I got into registration class and my tutor told me what was wrong!

DOH!!!! I'm going beetroot with the embaressment again!

Ella

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Don Firth
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 01:09 PM

Oh, yeah, Bob, I do remember that one! Innumerable sitcoms have been written about similar situations. The temporary glitch didn't seem to deter your lady of 26 years, however. At least not for very long.

I keep trying to think of my own embarrassing moments and I can't come up with any. Maybe I'm just unembarrassable, despite the fact that I'm quite sure there have been events where I probably should have been embarrassed.

(By the way, I'm not soliciting for reminders, here.)

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 01:34 PM

School trip to Stratford-Upon-Avon to see Richard III. We were warned that there were not enough takers for the places on offfffer, and that a second school might be invited.
On the coach trip I got friendly with one of the other students (in the back seat).
When we arrived, several of us found our way to a local pub (just being old enough to drink!) and watched the teachers passing the window.
During the performance I again found myself in the back row with the same girl. And on the coach home. However, we failed to exchange names and addresses!
Asking a teacher the following week which school had gone with us, I was informed that the only guests were the son & daughter of one of our maths teachers!........ (and the maths teacher was a 'battleaxe')


Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Sam L
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 02:05 PM

Most embarrassing thing I can recall was today. Now. My computer wouldn't allow me to post on Mudcat, there was no body field for replies on threads, cookie or none, set, guest, re-set, or on help, or pms. So I had to ask if I'd been so rude as to be disavowed. (I've been rude enough, I thought maybe I had, is what's so embarrassing.) But it was apparently something in my computer--I've loaded it with lots of new stuff. I think my computer just got tired of me and my remarks.... I'm pretty embarrassed.

There was another very embarrassing thing, but I'm just not up to it right now. But it had a sequel. I once claimed I could top any embarrassing story in a swap with a friend, who then told a funny story about herself. Hers was so funny and cute a crowd gathered around us, and I backed down. I'm still ashamed.

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Allan C.
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 02:19 PM

When I was told a version of Don's story it was said that the guy who threw the ball, when asked the wherabouts of the dog, pointed toward the open window and explained that the dog had been looking depressed latley. I wonder if that was Elaine May's tag.

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Don Firth
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 02:53 PM

Allen C., continuing the quote from Snopes, After Capote told this story, comedienne Elaine May suggested what he might have said. "During dinner," Elaine volunteered, "he could have looked at his date and said, "You know, your dog seemed very depressed to me. . . ." They got that right. It's as I remember it.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Don Firth
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 03:17 PM

Some years ago, I heard about "The Darwin Awards," awarded to people who have managed to improve the gene pool of the human race by killing themselves in the process of doing something incredibly and monumentally stupid, preferably before reproducing. The story has it that one of the few persons given the award while still living was a fellow with a lawn chair, a bunch of helium filled weather balloons, too much time on his hands, and a dream. It's such a gloriously bizarre story that I gradually became convinced that it was an urban legend. Although the story has been "folk processed" over time, according to Snopes, it's true.

HERE's the scoop. Read and be amazed!

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 04:03 PM

I used to work as a Production Controller in an agricultural machinery factory in an office full of men. Hmmm...yea...really! Anyway the old chap sitting behind me was taking early retirement because of seriously failing eyesight. Another chap told an incredibly dirty joke (no I can't remember what it was now) and I said "Merrick, you shouldn't tell jokes like that, you'll go blind!"

No my seat didn't fall through a hole in the floor but I wish it had.

Sal

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Jeri
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 06:15 PM

Darwin Awards Website. WARNING: Cookies out the wazoo and frames.

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: mouldy
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 03:04 AM

1991 - I had been learning the box for only a few months and had taken the kids off for a couple of days to Sheringham in Norfolk. The people running the B&B were Morris dancers, so I took the infernal instument at their request as they were going on a danceout locally, and their musician had a broken arm. There was always the hope that my small repertoire might include a tune they could use.

Well to cut it short - they used recorded music, so I had a "few" beers. Then, at about 11pm in the middle of the very crowded pub, I got asked to "give us a tune!".....brain/hand connection, she get severed: I couldn't even play Winster Galop! (There wasn't a stone big enough to crawl under). Luckily for my blushes we went home the next morning.

Andrea

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: BlueJay
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 04:30 AM

I think I have you all beat for self-humiliation/ embarrasment. Except maybe Mrs. Lemon-that one was a real bomb.

In the late 1970's, I was deadheading on Amtrak, (as a railroad crew member, I was riding for free on Amtrak for an out of town assignment). While eating in the dining car with some of my co-workers, we had this young white kid who couldn't get anything right. When I was a kid, I rode the trains a lot. Seems most of the Porters and Waiters back then were black folks. And they generally did their jobs very well.

In an attempt at humor, I blurted out, "Where's the jungle bunnies when you need them"? A few of the guys laughed, but one of my co-workers gave me a discreet "shut up", pointing his thumb to the black guy on the other side of the aisle. He heard my remark, and was bristling with anger. Talk about being chagrined!

To this day, it is to my shame that I did not apologize to this man. I was afraid that he would have, (justifiebly), kicked my ass.

So, try and find a more embarrasing moment than that! Thanks, BlueJay

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Merritt
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 11:24 AM

Embarrassing Moments?

I could write a book. I could teach a graduate seminar. Where to start? Here are 3 examples for a Tuesday morning:

1. Years back, I was traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula while still learning Spanish. At a cafe in Merida, I confidently ordered a bowl of sopa con "camiones" instead of "camarones." That would be "trucks" instead of "shrimp." The waiter got a good laugh out of this, then invited all his fellow waiters over to share with them. They stood around my table laughing heartily for a bit. The first guy eventually explained my error to me.

2. As a new Dad, stopped at a pharmacy to pick up replacement nipples for the baby's bottle. Holding up the old one (the NUK brand) I loudly asked the (inevitably) beautiful, young woman behind the counter "Do you have nipples like these?" She turned several colors before I figured out what I'd said.

3. While in Boy Scouts I fell for every gag known. The bucket of steam? The left-handed smoke-shifter? You name it, I was the abuse magnet with the horizontal learning curve willing to go after it.

- Merritt

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Sam L
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 02:01 PM

Merritt, I think I could top you, but it wouldn't be fair. I have one for almost anything that comes up.

You ordered trucks? I got in a French taxi and demanded to be taken to the Big Chicken (palais/pullet). A French host asked if anyone was hungry and I said Yes, eat me! (oui! mange moi!--actually a friend did that but it sounds and feels like me).

   Truman Capote told that dog story the night I met him, rode beside him to a talk one night. I was a kid and thought he was a comedy guy, kept laughing out loud at every occasion, trying to help. But he might of been discussing In Cold Blood for all I could tell, most of the time.

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: GUEST,Taunus.
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 03:08 PM

Friend of mine Martin loves surfing. A few years ago he was surfing in Mexico with a pal and they get acquinted with two english surfers. They spent some hours in the beach and a bar round followed. Conversation turned to music. It happens that Martin's father is a 60 year old judge from Buenos Aires that used to play guitar when he was young. Apparently the judge played in this covers band in the Buenos Aires proto-rock scene in the mid-sixties. Martin claims that they even made a demo. As you may know, Martin is devoted to his father, and whetever he has the opportunity he refers one after another anecdotes concerning his father and his band in those years. In the mexican bar Martin was getting a bit drunk and couldn't help talking about his father for quite a time, while the two englishmen listened patientely drinking their beers. That night they'd said goodbye and left.
The following day they went again to the beach and another surf guy told them "reckon those two english fellas that were around yesterday?". "Yes, we've been drinking together", said Martin. "The short-haired, silent one, guess who was he?". "No clue", they said. "He's Paul McCartney's son...".

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Merritt
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 04:32 PM

Fred,

The palais/pullet story is great. Keep in mind that if this is a competition, the winner is the most gullible and challenged of the group.

Another story from Latin America...one evening at a hotel, exercising my mastery of Castelian phrasing, I asked the desk clerk to be sure to have me shot at 6:00 AM en punto. This actually took awhile to sort out. Another transportation item - Once, while trying to figure out which bus I should take in Quito, Ecuador, I asked if it was okay to have sexual relations with (not even "on") a particular bus.

- Merritt

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 05:06 PM

Merritt:

I am cracking up! These sound too, too familiar... I usually get through such moments by waving my hands around and beaming telepathic images with desperate force -- and it usually works! :>)

A

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: diesel
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 05:20 PM

Another from a vast store of moments - anybody writing a book - I've a chapter or 2 worth.

I was in a Taxi in berlin at the time the wall came down - and after giving directions - said to the driver something like "Ich bin Irrisch" (never studied German if it's not already noticeable.)
Anyhows the driver looked at me very strangely, so I made another attempt, and another , and another......

Finally looked in the dictionary for the German for Irish and found a one letter difference to the translation of "Idiot" (Irrisch/Irisch - or somewhat)....I laughed

Books ?? Royalties...I'll listen..

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Deckman
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 06:08 PM

Good Grief! These latest tales are all too familiar ... language problems. A few years ago, I was hosting my cousin, from Rovaniemi, Finland. While she is quite comfortable in five (5) languages, I am not! The difficulty was that she was traveling with two (2) girlfriends, neither of which spoke anything but Finnish. While I read Finn with a passion, I do not speak it fluently, because I need five (5) different dictionaries. One evening I took all three of them to a Seattle restaraunt. I ordered for everyone. When the food came, my cousin Aira started talking to me in English. She was asking questions about dining etiquette. I decided to try my Finnish and gave my answer to one of her friends. The look of horror that came over their faces was profound. Then the two ladies got up and left the table. Cousin Aira (a dear lady) looked at me and said, "Roope, (Bob) everyone at this table knows that you are married!" For the life of me, I have no idea what they heard ... and I was far too embarrased to ask. Oh well! CHEERS, Bob (Roope) Nelson

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: mouldy
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 02:58 AM

There was once the classic faux pas I made in a crowded family room at a pub, one Sunday lunchtime, when I asked the woman next to me how far pregnant she was...

Andrea

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: jonm
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 03:33 AM

Prague, Czechoslovakia. I am staying in a hotel where my lack of Czech has proved a problem, so, when I go out for a few beers, I carefully write on a piece of paper the name on the wall plaque at the end of the street. I tell all the guys that when we want to go home, I just show this to a taxi driver - no problem, even with pronunciation!

Several hours and much booze later, we follow the plan and discover the "street name" actually reads "tram stop"! It took hours and a fortune on the meter to find the hotel!

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: alanabit
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 04:22 AM

Diesel, that one would take a bit of practice to get right. You wanted to say, "Ich bin Ire" ("I'm an Irishman"). If you pronounce it incorrectly it sounds like,"Ich bin irre". ("I am crazy"). The word "irisch" is actually the adjective. I have done much worse things hundreds of times. "schwul" and "Schwül" are particularly unfortunate to mix up!
JFK's famous, "Ich bin ein Berliner" is particularly well loved over here. It means, "I am a bun". (It should have been, "Ich bin Berliner" to be correct). Less well reported was Bill Clinton's gaffe in Cologne when he declared, "Ich bin ein Kölsch". (I am a small glass of Cologne beer). I have often wondered what we might get if Dubya went to Paris and tried out his German there. "Ich bin ein Pariser!" perhaps...

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: smallpiper
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 05:01 AM

I'm still waiting for my most embarrassing moment... its bound to come eventually!

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Sam L
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 09:23 AM

Deisel, I did a French version of that, but on purpose, to prevent anyone thinking I necesarily meant whatever I said.

After a few weeks in France I felt I was losing my english, and people kept saying that was pretty good. No. It was the only language I knew. I can see what they meant though, if they supposed I could speak French.

   Merritt, so it's a contest who is the most challenged? I don't get it--how were you supposed to know you weren't permitted to have sex with that particular bus?

Hm, this, that, I'm flipping through my files, no, used these on another thread... bring out the big guns? nah--the first time I was in bed with a woman? I think not. Um, getting my wife's name wrong when I introduced her to my dad? no, I guess everybody does that. Here:

I have no religious background and was raised as a science experiment. Once I worked in an art gallery and said to someone Excuse me, you've got some stuff on your brow there. He said It's Ash Wednesday. I said Oh, yeah. I saw that on the calendar, right. Pause. Anyway, you've got this smudge or something here, on your face.

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Allan C.
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 08:58 PM

So many from which to choose...try this one:

It was one of those "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?" evenings. My (then) wife was getting dressed up in her finery for some occasion I have long since forgotten. Naturally, I kept my mouth shut and eventually she answered the question herself. But then she began to look in the mirror a little too closely and followed with a steady barrage of self-deprecation. No flaw, either real or imagined escaped being addressed. Never being the one to tolerate such remarks about my lady-love, even from her own lips, I blurted, "If I had wanted a beautiful woman for a wife, I would have married one!"

I meant it in the best possible way. Honest.

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: Barbara
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 08:42 PM

In the language gaffe category, I once pointed out the small animals in a local restaurant/zoo to a group of school teachers from Peru and identified them as 'cojones' instead of 'conejos', and if you don't speak enough Spanish to know what I did, I don't think I'm going to tell you, but I can still remember the startled/shocked expressions on their faces as they all whipped around to stare at me.

In the 'why can't the earth just open up and swallow me now' category, I offer the time I was asked to be the model of the moment for our sports massage class. (we worked on people in underwear, using hold/relax stretches) I was to be the demo for a leg stretch that used the ischial tuberosity as a handle (the back bottom of the pelvis) and cranked one leg at a time up toward the shoulder. Most of my classmates were male and I was glad that I'd remembered to put on brand new underpants that morning.
The instructor was partway thru the explanation when I sensed that something must be wrong from the expressions on my classmates' faces. But I didn't figure out what until I got to the bathroom and found I had a little circular sticker affixed to the outside of the panty's crotch that said "Inspected by Mildred".

Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: Whats your most embarrassing moment.
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 09:56 PM

Well, let me tell on a friend from the Weimaraner forum........Sissy (a member, not MY dog Sissy) is an elementary teacher in Mississippi. She also does Phys. Ed. and she is a truly sweet person. She is also one of those loons that things happen to.....like losing her sweatpants at a track meet. I know Sissy from my favorite other site where we all talk Weimaraners...she has 3, plus a couple of other dogs.   A few days ago she posted a tale of her day. Every elementary teacher has these things happening, but I don't recall anyone having them pile up quite like Sissy. Here ya' go.........

First thing that happened this A.M., the wildlife man visited our school with his reptiles. He has come before but I have never been on the outside corner where he walks by holding a baby croc, an albino rat snake, a legless lizard, etc. I did manage to hold it together until he brought out a six foot python. When he started off the stage in my direction, I RAN!!!! I did explain that I was allergic to pythons, that they made my heart beat too fast, my blood pressure drop to my toes.....The children thought this was a scream.

Well, it gets better....or worse. We were at carpet time for reading, two of our "busy boys" were sitting beside me and this smell started filling the air. I thought we had a gas problem but it did not get better. Both boys started looking at each other, and me, then they held their noses. I was getting a bit queezy, so I moved, but the smell was not leaving. I had to leave the room for a minute to gag.......... well, the other teacher had gotten a whiff by now and decided too that we had a gas problem. We decided to go to the music room to sing.

I was leading the line and when one of the boys passed me to go into the music room I realized he had had an accident. But when I looked to the end of the line, the "accident" had fallen out his pant leg and had been stepped in and went from our room all the way down the hall to the music room. The other teacher at the end of the line was now darting to the teacher's lounge to puke. I began puking in my own hands and ran down the hall to the bathroom, threw up, then went back to check on the kids in the music room which was now covered with doo- doo. I threw up again in my hands ran to the bathroom again, did not make it, had to clean up my own puke. One of the first graders was in the bathroom when I didn't make it. I told her I was just having a tough day.

After that I ran outside for fresh air and met the pizza delivery man who I assured had not caused my gagging problem. The first grade teacher heard all the noise and went to the music room. She thought someone had gone outside and stepped in dog poop until our kids informed her who it was. One of our other teachers took him to our bathroom and I managed to call his Mom. When she came to get him, the 4th, 5th and 6th graders were getting lined up for lunch and I had to hold them in class until he could leave the building. I did not realize (as the classes were going to lunch when our poopy child left) he had left another trail in the hall. The sixth graders hadn't seen or smelled what they were just about to step in. I got the school janitor to quickly clean up after they got out of the hall. Once it was over, we laughed all afternoon, and please know I am laughing at me and the girl I work with not the child. He was so embarrassed and I was really disappointed at my reaction.

I never throw up I told the teachers. I scoop poop out of my backyard from 5 dogs! When my dogs eat something that is not biodegradable, I have pulled it out of their hiney. This should not have bothered me, but it did! The first grader teacher told me that her class had seen me and were screaming... "Mrs Alderson is throwing up in the hall".............. her class made me a Get Well card..................sorry but it was a real "Poopy Day" LOL...sissy

Spaw