BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look

Subject: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 12:14 AM

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:


1. He called everyone brother.


2. He liked Gospel.


3. He couldn't get a fair trial.


But, then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:


1. He went into His Father's business.


2. He lived at home until He was 30.


3. He was sure His Mother was a virgin, and His Mother was sure He was
God.


But, then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:


1. He talked with His hands.


2. He had wine with every meal.


3. He used olive oil.


But, then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was
Californian:


1. He never cut His hair.


2. He walked around barefoot all the time.


3. He started a new religion.


But, then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:


1. He never got married.


2. He was always telling stories.


3. He loved green pastures.


But, the most compelling evidence of all 3 prove that Jesus was a
woman:


1. He fed a crowd at a moments notice when there was no food.


2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just
didn't get it.


3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was more
work to do.



AMEN!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Ebbie
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 12:51 AM

Good one, kat.

Three good reasons that suggest he was Amish:

He didn't have a car.

When he traveled he stayed in friends' homes.

He gave the impression that his was the only way.

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Amergin
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 01:25 AM

3 things that prove Jesus was an Ozzie:

1. He went on walkabout

2. His best mates were convicts and outcasts.

3. He didn't have a brass razoo for his plonk.

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Sorcha
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 10:19 AM

LOL!

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 11:04 AM

How do we know that he actually went barefoot all the time? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Raptor
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 11:11 AM

Kat

As a Black,Woman, Jewish, Italian, Irishman, from California.
I am offended.

Raptor

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 11:22 AM

LOL...so sorry, Raptor...seen any PC Police around, lately?**bg**

Kim, they didn't have Birks back then, did they?:-)

Good ones, Ebbie and Amergin!

Now, how do we know he coulda been a Mudcatter?

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Sorcha
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 11:36 AM

Because.........
He had an answer for everything.
He loved political discussions.
He has lots of friends all over the globe.

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Janie
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 12:32 PM

Duh.....what's a razoo, brass or otherwise?

What's a plonk?

Janie the Ignoramus.

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Sooz
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 12:36 PM

I've seen an OFSTED report on the Sermon on the Mount today. Made a nice change! I'll post it tomorrow from the chalkface.

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 02:55 PM

'Most anything. I once read a book that posited Jesus as a hunchbacked, dark-skinned dwarf. No, I don't remember the title, but it was nonfiction.

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 03:24 PM

Good ones, Sorcha m'dear!

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 06:37 PM

An Irishman who's a woman as well, Rapaire? That's pretty versatile.

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Kim C
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 07:40 PM

Well, they didn't have Birks, but they did have sandals. Socks too, although they were woven instead of knitted. ;-)

A friend of mine was amused the other day because I used the expression Holy Mackerel. I told her it came from the loaves & fishes story in the Bible.

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 07:46 PM

You suggesting Jesuis would have worn socks with sandals, Kim? Never a one to be bound by convention...

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 07:47 PM

You mean it's not about a Fish with holes? LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 07:49 PM

so what is this (brass razoo for his plonk.)in (queens)English

Gerry (republican)

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 07:52 PM

Okay, let's have 3 good reasons why Jesus could've been a Republican!

Well? :-)

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Joybell
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 08:10 PM

Towards an Aussie Jesus don't forget the obsession with sheep. And the exclusion of women from the in-group.

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 12:31 AM

Jesus could have been Alaskan because:
1. He wore a beard
2. He always dressed "casual"
3. He was a great fisherman

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: GUEST,Sooz(at work)
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 03:31 AM

Jesus' Ofsted report
R.E. adviser Lat Blaylock and Christian Aid's Daniel Sinclair's talk at this years Greenbelt brought up lots of questions for teachers and learners alike. This extract has been requested by many who went to the talk.

We have obtained an unusual OFSTED report through virtual archaeology – it is clearly the inspector who watched the Sermon on the Mount. If OFSTED marked Jesus, for the Sermon on the Mount it would be like this:Mr Christ's lesson planning is unsatisfactory. Objectives were not shared with learners at the start of the lesson. Classroom organisation was chaotic – some learners arrived up the mountain late, after the lesson had started, and were not dealt with according to school policy. SEN learners (the disciples) form a large part of this group, but the higher level concepts and language - of righteousness, meekness, persecution and injustice - was not simplified to meet their needs. No Individual Education Plans had been filled in, and differentiation of learning was not evident. Despite the clarity of the 'three part lesson' structure, this teaching session went on for too long, and there was neither a starter activity nor a plenary session.Regarding literacy and numeracy, the lesson was poor. Almost all the time was spent in teacher-talk, with no written work set. Evidence of prior learning is non-existent (the disciples tell me they have no exercise books or folders, and little work is set – or marked). The use of stories devised by the teacher (parables) about wise and foolish builders, or lamps under buckets were not clear and are unlikely to prove memorable. Some gifted and talented Pharisees, sat at the back of the group and were whispering throughout the lesson, clearly not engaged by the learning. There was no computer assisted learning.While the materials and content might have provided for spiritual and moral development, these potentialities were not developed by the teaching, which also ignored the contribution of this material to citizenship studies.In terms of assessment, this class have been with this teacher for three years, but no records of their attainment were available. He is unfamiliar with the 8 level scale.Attitudes and behaviour are poor. Many of them behave badly (James and John were seen bullying other disciples in between lessons; a boy called Thomas doubts whether anything his teacher says is true). Overall, methods, content and delivery of this lesson was of an unacceptably poor standard.For any Christian who teaches, in church or school, the teaching of God and of Jesus represents an alternative inspiration to that offered by the secular structures of schooling.When God was on earth in the person of Jesus, it was as a teacher, and Jesus was brilliant at it. The fact that OFSTED might not have liked his lesson plans only tells me that OFSTED haven't got a monopoly on teaching quality.Lat Blaylock, RE today, 2003©[e-mail] 9th September 2003

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Ebbie
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 12:14 PM

Reprise

We have obtained an unusual OFSTED report through virtual archaeology – it is clearly the inspector who watched the Sermon on the Mount. If OFSTED marked Jesus, for the Sermon on the Mount it would be like this:
Mr Christ's lesson planning is unsatisfactory.
·Objectives were not shared with learners at the start of the lesson.
·Classroom organisation was chaotic – some learners arrived up the mountain late, after the lesson had started, and were not dealt with according to school policy.
·SEN learners (the disciples) form a large part of this group, but the higher level concepts and language - of righteousness, meekness, persecution and injustice - was not simplified to meet their needs.
·No Individual Education Plans had been filled in, and differentiation of learning was not evident. Despite the clarity of the 'three part lesson' structure, this teaching session went on for too long, and there was neither a starter activity nor a plenary session.
·Regarding literacy and numeracy, the lesson was poor. Almost all the time was spent in teacher-talk, with no written work set.
·Evidence of prior learning is non-existent (the disciples tell me they have no exercise books or folders, and little work is set – or marked).
·The use of stories devised by the teacher (parables) about wise and foolish builders, or lamps under buckets were not clear and are unlikely to prove memorable.
·Some gifted and talented Pharisees, sat at the back of the group and were whispering throughout the lesson, clearly not engaged by the learning.
·There was no computer assisted learning. While the materials and content might have provided for spiritual and moral development, these potentialities were not developed by the teaching, which also ignored the contribution of this material to citizenship studies.
·In terms of assessment, this class have been with this teacher for three years, but no records of their attainment were available.
·He is unfamiliar with the 8 level scale. Attitudes and behaviour are poor. Many of them behave badly (James and John were seen bullying other disciples in between lessons; a boy called Thomas doubts whether anything his teacher says is true). Overall, methods, content and delivery of this lesson was of an unacceptably poor standard.
·For any Christian who teaches, in church or school, the teaching of God and of Jesus represents an alternative inspiration to that offered by the secular structures of schooling. When God was on earth in the person of Jesus, it was as a teacher, and Jesus was brilliant at it. The fact that OFSTED might not have liked his lesson plans only tells me that OFSTED haven't got a monopoly on teaching quality. Lat Blaylock, RE today, 2003©[e-mail] 9th September 2003

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 12:29 PM

And now you know why I detest the educational system...

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Hrothgar
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 06:25 AM

A razoo is a worthless coin, and the reference to brass differentiates it from gold, silver, or even copper, just to emphasise its worthlessness. I think it is one of the expressions troops picked up in the Middle East in the First World War, but I'm not sure. It's not in the Macquarie Dictionary, which is rather surprising.

Plonk is a slang reference to wine, and usually implies a cheap, inferior grade. One of the stories ascribing its origin is that it is the sort of grog that makes you fall down plonk! It is possibly derived from blanc, or white (as in wine).

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Mr Happy
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 06:37 AM

Jesus coulda been:

imaginary?

a new age traveller?


an atheist?


visiting from another planet?

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Raptor
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 06:42 AM

Raptor Not Rapaire I'm Startin to get a complex here!

I'm Taller than him!

Raptor

Subject: RE: BS: Jesus coulda been....a diverse look
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 07:02 AM

I did a picture of Jesus and did not realize until I was done he resembled Ben Afleck.

http://www.angelfire.com/md2/customviolins/arru.jpg