BS: How to give a cat a pill

Subject: BS: How to give a cat a pill
From: Bassic
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 09:29 PM

I apologise if this has been here before, but it took me 3 goes to get to the bottom of the page when I first read it. The tears just stopped me reading!!

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from the hearth and set to one side to repair later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnant from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to Give a Dog a Pill?

1. Wrap it in bacon.

Subject: RE: BS: How to give a cat a pill
From: LadyJean
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 09:45 PM

Ten years ago, I broke my arm. Some weeks later, one of my cats came down with cystitis, which meant bubble gum flavored amoxicillin.
To medicate a cat with one arm in a cast:

1. Find cat napping.
2.Drop blanket on cat.
3.Wrap legs and blanket around cat.
4With good hand (fortunately I broke my left arm.)pry cat's mouth open.
5.With fingers that emerge from cast squirt liquid into cat's mouth.
6.With good hand hold cats mouth closed until he swallows the foul stuff.
7. Give cat treat, and wish the vet would give him tuna flavored medicine.

Subject: RE: BS: How to give a cat a pill
From: Ely
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 10:18 PM

I wish the drug companies would MAKE tuna-flavored medicine. Most cats don't like bubble-gum.

Personally, I am all for those plastic tubular pill-poppers. I used to give my old cat pills in liverwurst until she figured it out, and I was not excited about the idea of sticking my fingers in her mouth (she might have been old, blind, and crippled, but her teeth were fine).

Subject: RE: BS: How to give a cat a pill
From: maire-aine
Date: 04 Oct 03 - 12:48 AM

I just love it. About a month ago, I started giving Momma Cat thyroid pills-- half a pill in the morning and half a pill in the evening. As long as I follow it up with a kitty treat, she's pretty good about it.

Maryanne

Subject: RE: BS: How to give a cat a pill
From: rangeroger
Date: 04 Oct 03 - 01:22 AM

Having just spent the last week feeding my cat,Shredder, 50 mg Amoxicillin tablets twice a day, I have experience. What is funny,he ran every time he heard the rattle of pills. So much so that he ran when I took my vitamins.

rr

Subject: RE: BS: How to give a cat a pill
From: MAG
Date: 04 Oct 03 - 01:24 AM

I too have had so much experience in this area I insist on shots rather than pills. Shots in loose neck skin, they don't notice so much.

Now, taking them in for teeth cleaning ...

Subject: RE: BS: How to give a cat a pill
From: Bassic
Date: 04 Oct 03 - 08:14 AM

From the same source,

Ever seen a cat look embarrased?

just open the page and scroll down! :-)

Hope the clicky works, its my first ever.

Subject: RE: BS: How to give a cat a pill
From: Bassic
Date: 04 Oct 03 - 08:22 AM

And this one is worth a look!

Subject: RE: BS: How to give a cat a pill
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 04 Oct 03 - 11:23 AM

Back when Foolish (neutered male cat) was on dog contraceptives (uh huh) for raging hormonal imbalance, I'd smash up the little blue pill and put it in yoghurt and he'd lick up every bit and ask for more.

Now (twenty-five years later) Mortimer, my diabetic cat, needs a half tab of glipizide first thing in the morning -- before either of us is awake -- so he can have his measured breakfast and insulin shot in a half an hour. And within a week of starting this last year, I can now pop the pill into his mouth while petting him and he doesn't notice. Well, that's a lie. I pop it right down his throat and as long as I get it most of the way down, he doesn't spit it out again. And the next morning we do it again, despite his clenched jaws. (So I hold him a little tighter and use the same finger to push the pill down his throat that I use to suggest he open his mouth.) Takes just seconds and I'm sure he doesn't taste it, but he occasionally insists on playing games and wants to go out and/or have his breakfast without the pill.

He comes up on the bed for the insulin shot and doesn't seem to notice when he gets it. Asks for his freeze-dried shrimp afterwards, though.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: How to give a cat a pill
From: rangeroger
Date: 04 Oct 03 - 11:53 AM

Bassic, I don't think the cat with the lion cut looked embarassed, he looked really pissed-off.

rr

Subject: RE: BS: How to give a cat a pill
From: Bassic
Date: 04 Oct 03 - 11:58 AM

I was being sensative to his feelings RR :-)

Subject: RE: BS: How to give a cat a pill
From: Naemanson
Date: 04 Oct 03 - 11:47 PM

Some time ago Garrison Keiler did a spot from Berth's Kitty Boutique on feeding pills to cats that was really funny. It doesn't translate as well without the sound effects. Let's just say the cat refused the pill until you heard the clanking of the large metal instrument for inserting the medication into the other end of the cat. The next sound you heard was the cat lapping up the medicine.

Subject: RE: BS: How to give a cat a pill
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 04 Oct 03 - 11:51 PM

helo,
to mutch stuff about cats here, and not enough stuff about hamsters.john

Subject: RE: BS: How to give a cat a pill
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 04 Oct 03 - 11:56 PM

ps, this is music forum, not cat forum.john
ps cats are ribbish anyway, if cats was clever why would they eat mouses then?, they would eat steak etc in stead, and they dont knoew how to cross the road, the run across road even if cars are coming, they lucky not to get knocked down, they thick, thats why, .
you never see hamsters cross the road when its busy, and nearly get run over.