Subject: Songs with advice that is no help From: Joybell Date: 11 Oct 03 - 09:45 PM Many songs offer advice and then don't follow through. My personal favourite is "The Gambler" - "You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em..." Then he doesn't tell you how you know. There are lots probably. What are your favourites?
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Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Susanne (skw) Date: 12 Oct 03 - 04:18 PM Don't Get Married Girls :-) (Well, I did heed that advice, but many girls don't!) |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST Date: 12 Oct 03 - 06:18 PM I Wish I Was Single Again - silly bugger turns right round and does it again! |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Joe_F Date: 12 Oct 03 - 06:19 PM "Keep on the Sunny Side" is not much help if the dark side is the inside. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Joybell Date: 12 Oct 03 - 06:31 PM Yes just how do you keep on the sunny side. Where is it? I've wondered about "Bridge over Troubled Water" - is he saying he wants to be walked on? |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Liz the Squeak Date: 12 Oct 03 - 06:36 PM On the Sunny Side of the Street... what is that all about? If I walked only on the sunny side of the street, I'd only be able to get into my home between dawn and mid afternoon, but could get into work any time of day! AND I'd get a headache from the sun, and probably heatstroke or sunburn as well. LTS |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Joybell Date: 12 Oct 03 - 06:41 PM Hello Liz. What a great one. It occurs to me that there are lots of songs with good advice about things you never wanted to do anyway. - Like "...if you want your finger bit, stick it at a possum." But it's another thread possibility perhaps. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 12 Oct 03 - 06:49 PM Surely the real advice in The Gambler is intended to be "Don't gamble unless you know all those things" - and that is excellent advice. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Joybell Date: 12 Oct 03 - 07:08 PM He doesn't say that though. He says "For a drink of your whiskey I'll give you some advice" You wouldn't want to hand over your whiskey unless you were getting a better deal than advice about gambling surely. I don't drink whiskey so maybe I'm wrong. Anyway the singer seems to have thought the advice was to be used in a broader sense. We have a performer here - Martin Pearson - who does a pretty good parody of "The Gambler" (just how do you do italics by the way?) He thinks the old man got a good deal and that was the whole point anyway. Martin's song has the line "....for a drink of your whiskey I promise I'll get drunk..." More honest really. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Willie-O Date: 12 Oct 03 - 07:43 PM The actually useful advice in The Gambler is the rest of the chorus. Know when to walk away. Know when to run. Never count your money while its sitting on the table. That is excellent advice if the table is in a bar or other public place. But to come up with other suggestions, "Don't Come Home a-Drinkin' (With Lovin' on Your Mind)". Not much help either but a pretty wise suggestion. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Joybell Date: 12 Oct 03 - 07:52 PM Very wise Willie-O. "Don't come home a-drinkin..." is an example of GOOD advice and VERY helpful. But "The Gambler" - HOW do you know when to run? When to walk away? I'm not speaking for myself. I never met a gambler on a train but I've collected information along the way. I think the best advice I ever got was from my True-love whose mother told him - "Never go out in the rain in your socks" Now that's what I call good advice. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Liz the Squeak Date: 12 Oct 03 - 08:26 PM Any song that has in its chorus any line about being home where various examples of native shrubs and trees are thriving.... why are you here singing about it? Shut up and go there! Oh and that one, 'The water is wide' [Carrickfergus?] where the singer says they'll sing no more now until they've had a drink - the bugger goes on for another chorus? But you said..... GAH, what's the use!!! LTS |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Amos Date: 12 Oct 03 - 08:28 PM Presumably if you keep the options in mind -- run, walk away, hold, fold -- remembering that you always have a choice, that choosing when to choose which will become second nature. If you live that long. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Mudlark Date: 12 Oct 03 - 11:37 PM And all that advice, out of any meaningful context, reminds me of a routine Bob Hope (I think) did in a movie, a western spoof. He, a tenderfoot, somehow got roped into one of those 30 paces at dawn shoot outs with the local fast draw. And the night before gets all this advice...keep the sun over his left shoulder, always draw from the right, etc...which he mumbles to himself the next morning, as he advances toward the desperado...all totally garbled, of course. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 12 Oct 03 - 11:44 PM Ah Mudlark, that reminds me of Danny Kaye in The Jester - The potion with the poison is in the palslely with the... no... no... Not so much as the ORIGINAL advice being no help, except that the attempted _remembering_ of it is of little real help... Robin |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Joybell Date: 13 Oct 03 - 08:36 AM I always loved that Danny Kaye routine. Liz, that's "Carrickfergus" and yes, he does keep going after he says he'll sing no more 'till he gets a drink. Perhaps someone slipped him a quick swig between verses. But "The Water is Wide" does have a peculiar metaphor I reckon. She (and it's always she who sings it) says: "I put my hand into the bush Thinking the sweetest flower to find But I pricked my finger to the bone And left the sweetest flower alone." (so lovely, so sad!) But it sounds like a bloke thing to do I've always thought. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Peter T. Date: 13 Oct 03 - 08:47 AM "If I were you I'd take a permanent vacation, He'la, He'la, my boyfriend's back" --- "What are you going to do about it, Charlie?" "Nothing. You should look after your own reputation, you conniving little slut." |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST,KB Date: 13 Oct 03 - 10:09 AM "Don't build your nest at the top of the tree" - well I had no intention of doing so - a nest my size would crash straight through the branches. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Jeri Date: 13 Oct 03 - 10:32 AM "Let no man steal your bonny bunch of thyme." It's not nice to steal, but the stuff grows like a weed. Give the guy some - especially if he's making dinner for you. Thyme as a metaphor for virginity is silly anyway. It comes back year after year and spreads all over the place. You can pluck hell out of it and it's STILL THERE. You're SUPPOSED to pluck it! Maybe "Touch-Me-Nots" would have been better, but the name's too hard to fit in a song. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST Date: 13 Oct 03 - 12:01 PM Don't Let Your Deal Go Down I never understood what that meant. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Dave Bryant Date: 13 Oct 03 - 12:26 PM In "Go to Sea No More" and many other sailor songs, you get the feeling that the singer will do exactly the same thing over and over again. The same thing goes for "The House of the Rising Sun" where after exhorting others to do differently, the singer returns to New Orleans. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Joybell Date: 13 Oct 03 - 06:55 PM I've wondered about don't let your deal go down, come to think of it. Maybe that Gambler could have explained it but he died before becoming really helpful. I never seriously considered building my nest at the top of a tree either and thyme -- it does grow back. What about "never place your affections on a green willow tree" Not only have I never thought of doing that but I've never seen a willow in any other color - unless it's dead and you wouldn't be likely to love a dead willow. Of course here willows are terrible weeds so come to think of it dead ones are quite appealing. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Joybell Date: 13 Oct 03 - 07:01 PM Oh I just spotted one on another thread. "All of Me. Why not take all of me?". He offers all the bits of his body - discreetly avoiding some bits. What is the poor girl supposed to do with his bits? |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 13 Oct 03 - 10:34 PM Combine them with her bits... oh sorry, just thinking out loud... :-) Robin |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST,fishhd44 Date: 13 Oct 03 - 11:19 PM always thought the Belafonte song... "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life Never make a pretty woman your wife So from my personal point of view Get an ugly girl to marry you" was useless advice and maybe worse, deliberately bad advice. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: LadyJean Date: 14 Oct 03 - 01:29 AM My mother used to sing a song that advised "never trust a sailor far above the knee." Which was pretty sound advice. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: katlaughing Date: 14 Oct 03 - 01:45 AM Don't Worry, Be Happy... |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST Date: 14 Oct 03 - 01:58 AM LTS...version of Carrickfergus i sing has TWO verses after the drinking line... |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: darkriver Date: 14 Oct 03 - 02:06 AM Come all ye young maidens, take warning from me Don't place your affection, on a green, growin' tree... I guess this would be a subcategory of this song category--the "take warning from me" song--from the "me" who made this here same mistake. Seem to be a lot of those, mostly in the Child ballads or in Appalachian songs. doug |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Cluin Date: 14 Oct 03 - 02:10 AM hope you have got your shit together hope you are quite prepared to die looks like we're in for nasty weather one eye is taken for an eye don't go `round tonight it's bound to take your life there's a bad moon on the rise Ain't a helluva lot we can do `bout it now, is there? |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Dave Bryant Date: 14 Oct 03 - 06:48 AM It's probably nearly always "Don't do as I do - do as I say". |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST,KB Date: 14 Oct 03 - 06:59 AM "maids when you're young never wed an old man" - yeah, but what if he's rich??? |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST,Crystal Date: 14 Oct 03 - 07:54 AM Then marry him and find a bit on the side! Sorry Cynicism taking over. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 14 Oct 03 - 09:19 PM The guy who made "Don't worry, be happy" ended his misery - definitely advice that was of no help. That makes that song probably best contender for No 1... :-) Robin |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Joybell Date: 14 Oct 03 - 09:43 PM Ok Robin, I think you have a good point. Fits well into number one slot. Maybe sharing with keep on the sunny side. Lady Jean your mother's song is "Bell Bottom Trousers" It is probably good advice although if you are an innocent maid and uneducated about birth control you would need a little more information and a bit less innuendo. Also it may depend on the length of your legs. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: annamill Date: 14 Oct 03 - 10:06 PM "don't go `round tonight it's bound to take your life there's a bad moon on the rise" What? Cluin, I always thought that was "there's a bathroom on the right".. Well, anyway that's what it sound like to me. ;-) Love, Annamill |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Jim Dixon Date: 15 Oct 03 - 06:11 PM WOULD YOU HAVE A YOUNG VIRGIN in the DT, from D'Urfey's "Pills to Purge Melancholy" (c. 1720), gives advice on how to seduce various types of women. (Only the first verse is about virgins.) Unfortunately, I can't vouch for whether the advice is good, since virgins seldom have smickets nowadays. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST,pdq Date: 15 Oct 03 - 06:49 PM I always thought Richard and Mimi's "Pack Up Your Sorrows" sounded like good advice, but it begs the question "in what?" |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Joybell Date: 15 Oct 03 - 06:59 PM Well I suppose "your old kit-bag and Smile, Smile, Smile" |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Anarchy Date: 15 Oct 03 - 07:00 PM you have to put them in your smile? Do they fit sideways?? *deeply perturbed* |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST,pdq Date: 15 Oct 03 - 07:19 PM Now we need to figure out what a kit-bag is! |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Joybell Date: 15 Oct 03 - 07:28 PM So I suppose you don't remember lucifers either? "While you've a lucifer to light your fag smile boys that's the style!" If you haven't got a lucifer I suppose you're allowed to worry and you can leave your troubles all lying about the place in everyone's way. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST,pdq Date: 15 Oct 03 - 09:56 PM You really have to give up those fags, Joybell, and lucifer(s) too. People in Texas will talk. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Joybell Date: 16 Oct 03 - 04:00 AM Oh No! not the Texas connection. I love my friends in Texas. Is that Texas USA? or Texas New South Wales? |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST,Nigel Date: 16 Oct 03 - 04:12 AM "Keep your hand on your ha'penny" Incomprehensible to the youth of today (€0.5 perhaps?) |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Joybell Date: 16 Oct 03 - 04:16 AM Oh yes I remember when you could get a halfpenny's worth of mixed lollies. Or a little iceblock in a cone. I can't believe I'm saying this, but truly I can! |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Charley Noble Date: 16 Oct 03 - 04:58 PM With regard to "that green willow tree": The leaves they will wither and turn into dust, There's not a man in ten thousand that a poor girl can trust. I was always intrigued with "eggs and marrow bones" as a recipee for making old men blind but the song does go on to recommend that "if you (really) want to do him in, sneak up from behind," presumably with some heavy blunt object. Cheerily, Charley Noble |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Liz the Squeak Date: 16 Oct 03 - 05:46 PM #GUEST who has another 2 verses - yes, I bloody well thought you would!!! Charley - a marrow bone is pretty hefty, get the neighbours in or the local stray dogs and you've got an untraceable blunt instrument. Works equally well with a frozen leg of lamb which can then be cooked and disposed of in the same manner. A quaint and thoughtful touch is if you feed it to the investigating officers when they come to ask how the old man karked it. LTS |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie Date: 16 Oct 03 - 05:48 PM Get an ugly girl to marry you. |
Subject: Lyr Add: ALWAYS KEEP AN EDGE ON YOUR KNIFE (C Lund From: Jim Dixon Date: 07 Dec 14 - 02:36 PM You can hear this at YouTube. ALWAYS KEEP AN EDGE ON YOUR KNIFE As recorded by Corb Lund on "Hair in My Eyes like a Highland Steer" Don't ever put your hat on the bed, son. Never put your hat on the bed, 'Cause if your hat's on the bed, You might wake up dead, So don't you never put your hat on the bed. But if you do, be sure it's upside down, son. If you do, be sure it's upside down, 'Cause if there's any doubt, It keeps the luck from runnin' out, So if you do, be sure it's upside down. Never throw a match when it's dry, son. Never throw a match when it's dry. Don't you never throw a match, 'Cause the grass might catch, And burn three counties when it's dry. And always keep an edge on your knife, son. Always keep an edge on your knife, 'Cause a good sharp edge Is a man's best hedge Against the vague uncertainties of life. Yes, a good sharp edge Is a man's best hedge Against the uncertain vagaries of life. But I never could sharpen no knife Like the one who give the advice. Yodel-ay-hee, yodel-ay-hee, yodel-oo. Well, never sell the old twenty-two, son. Never sell the old twenty-two, 'Cause the old twenty-two Shot a gopher or two, So don't you never sell the old twenty-two. But aim it to the left a little low, son. Aim it to the left a little low, 'Cause the old iron sight Fires high and to the right, So aim it to the left a little low. And always tip the glass when you pour, son. Always tip the glass when you pour, 'Cause if you don't tip the glass, Then the foam it comes fast And runs from the table to the floor. And always keep an edge on your knife, son. Always keep an edge on your knife, 'Cause a good sharp edge Is a man's best hedge Against the vague uncertainties of life. Yes, a good sharp edge Is a man's best hedge Against the uncertain vagaries of life. But I never could sharpen no knife Like the one who give the advice. Yodel-ay-hee, yodel-ay-hee, yodel-oo. Well, be sure to put your horse away dry, son. Be sure to put your horse away dry, 'Cause a hot wet horse Ain't healthy, of course, So be sure to put your horse away dry. And be sure to thaw the bit when it's cold, son. Be sure to thaw the bit when it's cold, 'Cause if you don't thaw the bit, Then your pony's tongue sticks To the frozen metal bridle when it's cold. Never judge a man by his clothes, son, Never judge a man by his clothes. You got to look through the dirt And, Lord, judge him by his work, So don't you never judge a man by his clothes. And always keep an edge on your knife, son. Always keep an edge on your knife, 'Cause a good sharp edge Is a man's best hedge Against the vague uncertainties of life. Yes, a good sharp edge Is a man's best hedge Against the uncertain vagaries of life. But I never could sharpen no knife Like the one who give the advice. Yodel-ay-hee, yodel-ay-hee, yodel-oo. And I never could sharpen no blade Quite the way he sayed. Yodel-ay-hee, yodel-ay-hee, yodel-oo. [more yodeling] |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Airymouse Date: 07 Dec 14 - 06:55 PM Some were at the cards and some were at the dice And some stood around just giving good advice As he sank her in the low lands low As he sank her in the lowland sea |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST,Rahere Date: 07 Dec 14 - 07:11 PM Maids, when you're young, never wed an old man... From most correspondents here |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 07 Dec 14 - 07:54 PM Joybell, this is a very late answer to your question, but the way to make italics is to precede the to-be-italicized text with the letter i, enclosed in pointy angle brackets, and follow the text with a slash and the i in the pointy brackets. Because doing it correctly on my screen would make those instructions disappear, just for illustration I will use the open and close parenthetical curves here. "(i)ITALICS(/I)" You would use the pointy angles instead. To make BOLD text, you use the letter B within the brackets, rather than "i". To make underlined text, use "u". There are a number of similar tricks for other effects. Dave Oesterreich |
Subject: Lyr Add: GOOD ADVICE (Allan Sherman) From: GUEST,Gerry Date: 07 Dec 14 - 08:07 PM You can hear this recording at YouTube:
GOOD ADVICE |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: cetmst Date: 08 Dec 14 - 07:12 AM Don't go in the lion's cage tonight, mother. Is good advice taken badly bad advice? |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Jack Campin Date: 08 Dec 14 - 05:16 PM I think Leeneia pointed out this one from a well-known hymn: "Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart". You're offering advice to God. Not a great idea. And what are you asking him to do? Take your eyeballs and act as your guide dog? Followed by: "Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art" which even the Almighty would have problems making sense of. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST,DTM Date: 08 Dec 14 - 06:25 PM "If I Were a Carpenter" - Bobby Darin Yeah, like Karen & Richard were going to let him just waltz into the group. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: JennieG Date: 08 Dec 14 - 07:21 PM "Let a smile be your umbrella"......all right, I'll buy it. Just how is one supposed to do that? |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: banjoman Date: 09 Dec 14 - 05:26 AM "Don't jump off the roof Dad" |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: PHJim Date: 09 Dec 14 - 10:13 AM Rattlesnake Mountain is the story of a young man who goes out to mow his field and is bitten by a rattlesnake. His gal tries to save him by sucking the poison blood out of his wound, but she has a rotten tooth and they bot die. The final verse gives the moral (advice): Now all young lee-wye-lovers a warning tee-wye-take From Sally bee-wye-Bland and Johnny bee-wye-Blake, And mind when you're in lee-wye-love don't pee-wye-pass Too close to pee-wye-patches of high gee-wye-grass, To my roo-dye, roo-dye, roo. I have always tried to live my life by that advice. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler Date: 09 Dec 14 - 06:33 PM The ballad of Lumley Kettlewell concludes with the advice "you die unless you eat". |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: frogprince Date: 09 Dec 14 - 07:01 PM Then again, good advice doesn't help if you ignore it: "Don't take you guns to town". |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Joe_F Date: 10 Dec 14 - 06:33 PM Black belt reminds me of the more broadly informative Guide to Living (TTTO "Cwm Rhondda") You must eat when you are hungry. You must drink when you are dry. You must rest when you are weary. Don't stop breathing, or you'll die. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: JennyO Date: 14 Dec 14 - 01:25 AM "Don't go out tonight dear father Think oh think how sad twill be When the angels come for mother Father won't be there to see Tell me that you love dear mother Lying in that cold cold room You don't love your comrades better Cursing there in that saloon Oh dear father do not leave us Don't refuse this once I pray When the angels come to take her Father won't be there to see" Not much use to me, this one. A bunch of us at the Bridgwater Arts Centre joined Jon Boden doing this song for his Folk Song a Day project back in 2011. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST Date: 14 Dec 14 - 10:46 PM I've heard a few verses about always wearing clean underwear so you won't be run over by a bus. On occasions when I didn't, I wasn't, so probably qualifies as advice of little use... |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: PHJim Date: 15 Dec 14 - 12:54 AM The Doc Watson & Son record has a song called The Dream Of The Miner's Child: A miner was leavin' his home for his work He heard his little child scream He went to the side of his little girl's bed Oh, daddy, I've had such a dream Oh, daddy my daddy, oh don't go away For dreams have so often come true Oh, daddy my daddy, oh don't go away I never could live without you |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST Date: 15 Dec 14 - 08:39 AM 'When you're drunk you should go to bed...'[K.Richards, 'The Spider to the Fly'], How's that for irony ? We love you Keef ! |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: PHJim Date: 15 Dec 14 - 10:01 AM "Don't come home a-drinkin' with lovin' on your mind." Oh wait...that is pretty helpful. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Cool Beans Date: 15 Dec 14 - 05:52 PM You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd. As if anyone would ever try. (And I don't care what a buffalo heard. I have no secrets from a buffalo.) |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Acorn4 Date: 15 Dec 14 - 06:52 PM "Walk tall, walk straight and look the world right in the eye" Sounds like a guaranteed way to get punched ? |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: Genie Date: 16 Dec 14 - 03:56 PM "Climb Every Mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow ..." May sound like great advice and inspirational, but awfully hard advice to follow. Then there's "Man Piaba," which gives such helpful advice on (education about) "the bird and bee" as: "the ton-ton coral buckle lemon grass" and "the famous granny scratch-scratch." Or the Beatles' advice which might lead to your being arrested for kidnaping: "Hey, you've got to hide your love away." (Guess it could depend on where you hid him/her.) |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: GUEST Date: 16 Dec 14 - 04:19 PM I am pretty sure that cigareets and whiskey and wild wild women don't drive you insane. |
Subject: RE: Songs with advice that is no help From: John on the Sunset Coast Date: 16 Dec 14 - 05:49 PM "Dear Abby" - John Prine "Don't Take Your Guns to Town" - John R Cash "On Top of Old Smokey" |
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