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BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh???
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Subject: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 04 Dec 03 - 01:07 AM Okay, like...I thohtu it was time to like regale all of youse with the knollege that I have got along the way about life, women, and getting wasted generaly. Okay. Well, I figger the most inportatn thing is, you gotta keep your mind on what is important at all times eh? Like avoiding work. That is important. Too much work can ruin your hole day and make you get old befor yer flippin time, eh? I never let that hapeen to me yet! I am forever 25, eh? Next thing is...you need food. That is what a working brohter or other reliative is for eh? Friends can also help with it. Nex thing is...you need beer...specially if you are a man. Men need a lotta beer all the time. I know I do. Sonetimes it is hard to get beer if you dont' have money, but you can always, like, borrow some. I borrowed a 12 pack out of someone's car today, for agzample. I dont' know who's car it was, but if I find out I will try to make the proper destitution so he don't get too mad about it, eh? Okay. Cigarettes and dope are improtant too...just apply the same general lawgic as with the beer and you are on solid ground, eh? For cheap cigarettes, go to Serpent River and talk to Norman Kawagashigamawaga...whatever the hell his name is. Hygroponics can make you rich, but the lectric bills are brutal till you cash in and retire on the "Freedom 35" Plan. Wathc "Trailer Park Boys" for tips on how to do it right. Y'know...I'm thinkin that beer should of been nubmer 1 on the list... Hmmm. Beer or food or dope or cigarettes? What is more important? Hmmmmm. Where was I? Oh yeah! Sex. Sex is pretty important too cos if you are like a man eh...I mean if you ARE a man, eh?....then you gotta have sex regular, eh? At least a few times a week. Otherwise other men might, like, start thinkin you are a LOSER! I cant' flippin stand losers!!! And there are way too many in this town, let me tell ya! Okay. You need wheels too. For this, it helps to have a brother with a job, eh? I have one. Don the idiot. He can be a pain but he does have a pickup truck and an old van that dont' run half the time but when it does run it is deadly. He is gettin bald. Ha! Ha! He claimes to be hot with the ladies but I know better. He lies like a rug, eh? Most girls regard him as lower than a dog. Okay, that sorta covers the basics. It is also important to know how to deal with cops! Lie, make up stories, deny, evaide, and lie again! I cant' empathize this too much, eh? Cops lack all human simpathy and they cant' be trusted under no circumstanse! They are a flippin disease on society. Youse can all thank me for this by goin right now to Amazon.com and orderin multipple copes of my new book: "The 7 Key Habits of Major Losers" Decent, eh? Thanks for lissening. Got free smokes to spare? Come to Blind River, Ontario...the little town with the BIG ATTITUDE! - BDiBR |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Gurney Date: 04 Dec 03 - 04:26 AM It's hard to add to this thread, isn't it! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Nigel Parsons Date: 04 Dec 03 - 06:03 AM Yep! I think he's covered it all. He's probably covered the pavement (US=sidewalk) anyway! Nigel |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: gnu Date: 04 Dec 03 - 06:12 AM Some readers may consider such a lifestyle choice as unattainable and, therefore, discard the notion entirely at first glance. However, with the wrong attitude and the right knowledge, this utopian vision can be achieved. Perhaps a few suggestions for consideration by the readers may begin to support the arguement. The following discussion relates just a few suggestions for those in a rural setting in the hopes that these will elicit further suggestions from other readers. To follow suit, food first. Turn your ATV license plate upside down. This may make the difference of that extra second or two. A burnt fuse is best for cutting power to the rear light, brake light or license plate light as you can simply replace it with a serviceable one when you get back to the pave and you can always thank the wardens who stop you to inform you of the problem: "Hey man. Glad you let me know. I'd'a never noticed." Alternatively, use a stout stick to tear the wires on the lights. Never cut the wires. That's just too suspicious. The stick method is messy and semi-permanent but effective. Mud, of course, is very effective for plates, lights, the whole machine, and even you, but the drawbacks are obvious - rain, chase speed stream and dam crossings, and APB descriptions before you can clean up. Safety first. Always scout the road every night and never ride alone. Use the buddy system so you can split up and cut the odds. I'll stop there for now. Anyone else have any suggestions for safe rural dining ? Don't get you shorts in a knot. I've never jacked in my life but I know guys who put food on the table this way... and I don't begrudge them one bit. Especially if they invite me for supper. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Midchuck Date: 04 Dec 03 - 09:14 AM I am perfectly fine without dope or cigarettes. Guitars are, however, essential, and were left out of the initial post. Otherwise, BDiBR has it pretty close to right. P. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Bobert Date: 04 Dec 03 - 09:28 AM Well, danged, Blind, you almost covered all the bases 'cept ya' did the *end around* on the womenz thing... Yeah, I gotta agree you gotta have to have sex a few times a week but if'iz yer doin' the rest of the *blind drunk lifestyle*, ahhh, I hate to tell you but yer gonna have sex with somethin' other than a womenz... OKay, matbe you can find a womanz that will go along with the program but if you can, please don't post no piccures of it, ahhh, her... No, sir, no piccures! Which leads me to those all important womenz questions... Ahhh, like when you gonna find time to follow one 'round and round thru the department store as she holds one ugly danged dress up after another and asks, "Whaddayathink 'bout this one, Honey?"??? See, I didn't think you'd thought of that one... But lets say fir discussion purposes that you have found the one womenz on the planet that doesn't require the "Whaddayathink about this one, Honey?" as required *forplay* how ya gonna have sex with her when yer too danged drunk to negotiate them 9 steps up to the bedroom where the sex is to occur? Hmmmmmmm... Yeah, didn't think you'd figgured on that one either...(******* ***** *********....) Oh? A hanicap chair? That was thinkin' ahead. Iz mighty proud of you... So, okay, you've found the only one womenz in the entire world that doesn't require a trip to the department store in the forplay, yer drunk, and now you've gotten to the 2nd floor in the handicapped chair and now its time for the big performance.... BUT...... ahhh, hmmmmm, you now find that Mr. Happy is too happy or not happy enuff 'cause though he worked the last time he worked he ain't workin' tonight!!!!!!!!!!........ And then you start thinkin' about all them loosers and now the rpessure is on.... but the more you try, the less and less happy, Mr. Happy is and then you hear the sound of the door closin' as yer one-in-a-million womenz that doesn't require the ritualistic stop at the department store as part of foreplay, ahhhhh ( I hat to tell ya this...) has just leff yer sorry butt.,,, I'd say, Drunk, that this part of yer plan could use a little more polish and paint... Buit the rest of the plan is rock solid... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: *daylia* Date: 04 Dec 03 - 11:12 AM Hmmmm ... Blind River has it all, after all! Beer, dope, cigarettes, even women who can orgasm without a fresh sales receipt! Semi-literate men who couldn't string two connected thoughts together if their lives depended on it, don't know it and couldn't care less anyway! (so it saves the brain-strain of trying to figure out what they're babbling on about, or even just trying to look interested, never mind compassionate!) Even lots of poor ole working stiffs to bum stuff like money offa ... hey, how much is bus fare up there from TO anyway? Do I need a passport?? Is it BYOB??? (bring your own bongs) Do the Blind River meese line up for you all nicely pre-frozen, or do you have to chase them over the frosty tundra???? Huh? HUH????? So many questions, so little time .... daylia |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 04 Dec 03 - 11:51 AM Dude! You are so lame. Your attitude toward women is, like, appalling. You really need to straighten your act up, find a nice woman, show her that you can be a kind and caring person, and get her to move in with you. Then she can provide the beer, food, dope and sex, and it won't cost you nuthin'! Just make sure she's got a good job and a reliable vehicle before you make your move, eh? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 04 Dec 03 - 12:14 PM Geez. I mean, like, HO-LEE-shit... I never thougt of that! Geez. Okay, I'm thinkin here. Gimme a minute. Wow. Bee-Dub, that's a great idea, man! I just gotta find the rightr woman, eh? that may not be too easy. ONe thibng that worries me...my brother Don might put the moves on her, eh? Matter of fact I KNOW he would! I am gonna kick his ass when he gets home!@ I think it would be like open war with a woman in this place full time but maybe its' worth a try... Okay. I got an idea, eh? What if we find 2 women...one fore me and one for Don. I get the fox of course. He gets the plain jane. Maybve we could find 2 foxes! Wow. (Maybe we could share...) I gotta give this a lotta thought. A lot. I hope Shania dont hear about this plan and get mad cos I figger to marry her in a few years when I settle down (after "Freedom 35"). Well, I figger she is probally too busy tooring all over reight now and wont' notice, eh? - BDiBR |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,Buster Jig Date: 04 Dec 03 - 01:20 PM Hey, you Blind druink in blind river. You shoud come out here to the West, like if yor a Canuk to Alberty or Sascatkuan but Alberty is better. Or better to a place like Montany or Arizony where I live. Bet you'd fit rite in down at Jack's. Ol Jack'l spring for beer on credit and if you don't mind budwiser he'll dam near give it away. %The honkey tonk honeys come down there too, so you can get linedancin and two steppin and before you know it you an her is skippin steps to git upstairs! There ain't hardly never a night goes by without a good fite, too, lik las night when we taut a greenhorn the ol' Western Bullet Dance, only he turned out to be a state cop an came back with ihis budd7ys and pretty much cleaned the joint out. Good think the ol lady had bail money or Id still be in the calabozo, haw haw. Andyway, you should come donw here and visit a spell. Did mention the payotee? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Bill D Date: 04 Dec 03 - 01:43 PM I like the way you think, BDinBR! why? Because I get a nice selection of the women who run in panic when they read your plans and philosophy...*grin*...there's a right steady stream of 'em. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Cluin Date: 05 Dec 03 - 08:33 AM You forgot a real important one, Blind. Breakfast, the most important meal of the day. Ya need a good hearty feed when you roll outta the sleeping bag around 3 PM. Good deals to had on a sack of day-olds at Robin's Donuts... if you don't mind the taste of cigarette smoke too much. The old jelly-filled ones don't get crusty and stale as fast, but don't discount the stiff glazed ones. The roughage keeps ya growin' a tail regular. Of course the best is hawkin' that cold pizza or KFC from the fridge that your brother was saving to take for lunch that night. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Liz the Squeak Date: 05 Dec 03 - 08:35 AM You forgot chocolate. Life without chocolate is like a pencil without lead. Pointless. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Rapparee Date: 05 Dec 03 - 09:02 AM Chocolate'll put lead in yer pencil, eh? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: *daylia* Date: 05 Dec 03 - 10:05 AM Yep, and pencils'll put lead in your chocolate. But only in Blind River. How |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Peg Date: 05 Dec 03 - 10:18 AM Cluin: LOL!!!!!! Stale glazed donuts as roughage; that is just a priceless image, almost as good as the glazed donut comment from Dennis Hopper in The River's Edge. (No, I'm not repeating it here). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Rapparee Date: 05 Dec 03 - 10:20 AM Well, technically, pencils contain graphite. But a fella out here really did find lead in the chocolate. Ya see, hubby come home a bit early and found his wife and this fella flagrant delectable, as the lawyers say, and cut loose with a shotgun as the fella was running off pullin' up his pants. Somma the shot nailed the fella right smack in the Hershey bar and the M&Ms he was totin' in his back pocket. Didn't hurt him none, but it sure as heck spoiled his lunch. That happened right here along the banks of the Mighty Portneuf River, also known far and wide as "Pocatello's Concrete Crick." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 05 Dec 03 - 10:33 AM Flippin right Cluin! Breakfast is important, eh? I go for them day-olds too and the price is right. I like yer idea about scarfin yer brothers' lunch from the frig and I do it regular, eh? He gets really ticked! Haw! Haw! One time he left a trap for me though. He peed in a glass and I thought it was apple juice! Man...I tossed a couple swallows half down before I reelized what it was....BaougHHHJ!!! Then I tossed everything. We had one flippin bad fight that time and busted a chair and the TV set. It was his flippin fault too! We have had a lotta fights in the past but he is my brother so I dont mind. Family has got to stick together, eh? - BDiBR |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Dead Horse Date: 05 Dec 03 - 02:25 PM Got it all wrong about the wimmen thing, pal. Iffen you got ta git two wimmen, then YOU have the plain Jane & give the foxy one ta ya brudda. Let HIM worry!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Little Hawk Date: 05 Dec 03 - 06:33 PM I think Shane is more into pride than practicality on this matter, Dead Horse. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Rustic Rebel Date: 06 Dec 03 - 02:15 AM Hell with what the guys think if you can't have sex, it's the woman that'll really think your a loser,then get all cranky on you and give you a hard time. Bevis-Ha ha she said HARD ha ha. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST Date: 06 Dec 03 - 11:00 PM Used to be, back in the good old days in Frisco, in the morning I'd roll out of the Alkain Hotel right there on Mission St, just on the edge of the Grapevine District, and walk a few blocks to the day old bread store. On the way I'd say hi and no I don't have any spare change to the winos. Back then you could get a half dozen day old chocolate covered donuts and a cup of coffee for a dollar. Hell, that would last me about all day if I didn't move around too much and avoided the street people on the way back. If I felt ambitious, I could always panhandle a few coppers and use them to buy a can of Raviolis for a real ritzy meal. Just use the can opener at the mini mart and pay for it already opened, eat it with a plastic spoon I procured the day before from McDonald's. Frisco on a dollar a day. Ah, to be young again.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 07 Dec 03 - 11:07 AM A dollar a day? Geez! I been tellin Don we ogutyha gio to Frisco sometime. Just fire up the van and GO I keep tellin him! He says we aint got the money. That is true, but trhere are WAYS. Look /rustic...it will be a cold day in hell when I cant' have sex if I want to have it! (and when don't I want to?) Okay, I will admit that somethimes when I am seriously hungover then it ahs to wait. But that is normal. Even a dog dont' eat when he is sick eh? - BDiBR |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST Date: 07 Dec 03 - 11:24 AM Well, I can't say enough good things about Frisco. Everyone ought to go, at least for a visit, once in their lives. If nothing else the agreeable weather all year round is worth the trip. Perhaps a carryover from the sykodelik '60s, the local authorities seemed a little more tolerant of transients, wanderers, etc. But I'm talkin' almost a quarter of a century ago - don't have a clue what's it like now. To be fair, though, there were some drawbacks. One: maybe it was my imagination, but I felt a lot of tremors out there. The ground seemed awfully shakey, and I expected any minute a hole would open up underneath me as I was walking down the street and swallow me whole. The tremors were most noticeable at the most inopportune times, like waiting on the eleventh floor for an elevator. And Two: if you plan on doing the conventional thing, like work a job and rent/buy a dwelling, it's really expensive. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: khandu Date: 07 Dec 03 - 01:12 PM Yew need to add one "rule" to the list! My wise Grandaddy used to always say "Never trust anybody who ain't got a dick"! k |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 07 Dec 03 - 03:39 PM Flippin A, bruther! Like the dickless retread that fired me on my last job and the other one that cut off my welfare chek! And they were men! The fact is you cant trust most peeple even if the y HaVE a dick in my experiense. On the other hadn...girls are deevious and its hard to figger out what they are thinkin most fo the the time, so I get where yer GraNDAD was comin from, eh? I figger it aint no use to try and understand women cos they dont' understand themselfs anyway, so I like dont waste time on that...I just go fer the gusto and get whatever I can get and hang the torpedoes, eh? - BDiBR |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,pdq Date: 07 Dec 03 - 04:04 PM "Those who fall into temptation are the ones who were loitering around the brink". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Cluin Date: 07 Dec 03 - 04:43 PM I've discovered it is NEVER a good idea to get drunk in the afternoon when you've gotta play that night. Just no way it can work. Not even with a good nap. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Amos Date: 09 Jun 04 - 10:24 AM CHANGE To change one's life: start immediately. Do it flamboyantly. No exceptions! William James |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,Cheryl Date: 10 Jun 04 - 09:06 AM BDiBR, I been moochin around this website, reading all the posts from uptight, fist wavin', Bush lovin wankers an such, and gettin'madder and madder. Then I read your thread here, an I knew at last I'd found me a real man, someone not afraid to state right out what he wants. You couldnt give a shit about the world and whats happenin in Suidan and I say good - cant do nuthin much about it anyways, so why bother pretending. When it all boils down to it, aint nothing much to do but shag and eat, so why not be honest about it. Now, BDiBR, I know them other women are girls are deevious but I'm real straight, an I appreciate a man who knows which way his balls are a hangin. I come to Mudcat for a good laugh, not to get riled by some impotent dickhead out for a mini power hit. So thanks man for the laugh - Why doncha come on by some time (and you can leave that goat behind when youse a comin.) Cheryl the Feral |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 10 Jun 04 - 01:15 PM Holy Flip! I aint seen this thread in a dog's age, eh? Flippin decent! Cheryl....I am like "Wow!" You have gotta be one hot babe fer sure! You are so right on! I think I'm in love and I aint blowin bubbles! Where do y;ou live? ARe you in the Great White North? We have gotta get toghether soon. I borrowed one of them ATVs from somebody so we could go camping and get totally bombed together and maybe shoot a moose too...if I can find a gun to borrow. If not we can just drink and do the horizonatl bop. Cool, eh? - BDiBR |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Amos Date: 10 Jun 04 - 01:19 PM Maybe that last post of BDiBR's is the only real wisdom there is!! LOL!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,Rutherford Date: 10 Jun 04 - 05:29 PM "Horizon-natal Bop". What a cosmic term! This guy BDiBR is clearly a spiritual master, hiding in the guise of a know-nothing from North Ontario. He can say so much in so few words....eh? He also believes in "share and share alike" as is clear from all the "borrowing" he does. He spreads the wealth around. What a guy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Bill D Date: 10 Jun 04 - 06:03 PM ...and he keeps the 'Cheryl's' of the world distracted! A fine service indeed! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 10 Jun 04 - 08:01 PM So Blind Drunk is interested in 'Horizontal Folk Dancing'? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Bobert Date: 10 Jun 04 - 08:07 PM Sniff..... Best o' luck to you two..... Wish I was there..... Ahhhh, strike that one.... Glad I ain't but Iz real happy fir ya' all.... You deserve each other, gol dang it and tip one fir me, will ya? Sniff........... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Peace Date: 11 Jun 04 - 06:01 PM I don't mean to talk outta turn here, but why are you askin' him to leave the goat behind? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,Cheryl the Feral Date: 12 Jun 04 - 01:45 AM because, Bruce Murdoch, I want his pure, unadulteryated, goat free attention. and you man, are not on my list because YOU are too goddamed snaggy for me - you read too much, you think, and you are out there teaching kids or hosin'down fires when you could be back home with me lightin' MY fire. No man, I don want no sandshoe wearin' book readin' basketweavers on MY back porch, you can goddam give up that goat when YOU drop by as well. ps but ring first so I can send BDiBR to the bottleshop when youse all drop by. Cheryl the Feral |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,Billy Date: 12 Jun 04 - 10:54 PM As a goat, I find this thread disturbing. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 13 Jun 04 - 08:37 AM I am, like, hyperventilatin' here just thinkin' about gettin together with Cheryl "the Babe" Feral! Woof! Woof! Man, I am one lucky guy! My big brother is, like, green with jealousy! Ha! Ha! Ha! - BDiBR |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,Cheryl's brother Date: 13 Jun 04 - 08:49 AM Man, you come anywhere near my baby sister, and you'll be mashed to a pulp, talkin'like that. You is so excited, you probably wouldnt last the distance anyway. Show some re-spect. Kevin. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 13 Jun 04 - 08:05 PM What the flip!? You are bent, man! I think yer sister is old enuff to make up her own mind, eh? Why don't you, like, crawl off to wherever dorks like you hang out and chill? You don't scare me! I will drop you like yesterdays stail donuts, you looser! You can take yer own flippin' advise and FLIP RIGHT OFF to china, you flippin' bolthole! BDiBR |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Bobert Date: 13 Jun 04 - 08:18 PM Good one, Blind, but I'd keep an eye on brucie, if I was you. He's allready sniffin' 'round and that ain't never a good thing... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: Lyrical Lady Date: 13 Jun 04 - 11:03 PM Don't never fall in love with a goat..they'll head for the hills every time! Don't know what they'll find there...or what they're after.... I just know that life happens down here on solid ground!! LL (sill lookin") |
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Subject: RE: BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh??? From: GUEST,Cheryl the Feral Date: 14 Jun 04 - 11:17 AM Well, that BDiBR is all talk. I keep hangin'out on this thread, and he's never aroun'when I want him, probly off drinkin'or something. so maybe I'll go find me a goat - at least I can tie that damn thing up and it wont run off or nuthin. Cheryl the F. |
