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BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring...
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Amos Date: 09 Jun 04 - 10:55 AM That Rapaire...what a hobnobber!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 09 Jun 04 - 09:09 AM Having just returned from my Middle Western election tour, I can assure you that the Heartland is solid. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 31 May 04 - 09:09 PM Ha ha. Fooled 'em. All the terrywrists and cudnappers thought I went to Camp David and I really went to Corn Creek, Idaho! Hahahahahaha! And if you don't know where Corn Creek is, it's about twenty seven miles from Shoup. While I was there I met with lots of Important People, and my Plan For Piece is coming out shortly. I can't detail all of it because of security concerns, but I'll give a little hit: it involves stitching together two clothes with padding in the middle. Worked out a good economic plan, too. Again, I can't provide you with the details -- the Stock Markets in the US open tomorrow and I don't want to cause the stocks to go too high too quickly -- but it involves increases in the monies paid to retired Presidents. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: dianavan Date: 31 May 04 - 03:10 AM Rapaire you have to serve long enough to get the pension. When you get the pension, you can emigrate to Cascadia. If you don't get the pension, stay where you are and eat nothin but potatoes for the rest of you life. Cascadia needs you and your money, too. Boudicca, Queen of the Iceni - Please fetch the chariot. Hitch the unicorn. You must fly to Camp David at once. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Peace Date: 30 May 04 - 03:32 PM Rapaire: The populace is beginning to feel that you are outta touch. There is talk of lynch mobs, tar, feathers. Average citizens want a President who really CRAVES the pomp, circumstance, power and trappings of leadership. Write something. Sing a brief song, for music hath charm to soothe the savage breast. We have, at present, a mentally absent President. The heir apparent is physically absent. And when he is elected, he will quit. This is becoming a miasma of grief. The nation needs a leader. Let the trumpets avow your steadfastedness to pursue the position of the Presidency. Speak! Or, buy beers for your campaing workers at the local honky tonk and watch skin flicks or commercials--same thing. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Peace Date: 30 May 04 - 01:44 PM And speaking of the Rapper, is he yet back from his R and R at Camp David? Did he take a doggie bag? Is he back on the campaign trail? Will he let his ardent supporters know? He's trained, but he ain't house broke yet. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Peace Date: 30 May 04 - 01:39 PM We thought it was his head. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 30 May 04 - 08:18 AM For someone who has thrown his hat into the ring, there's enough people who have stomped on it! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Peace Date: 29 May 04 - 03:24 PM Right. Screw security. Tell the world where you're going to be. Have a NICE time. The rest of us will slave away and arrange for your retirement while you eat bonbons and Fritos. Sheesh! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 29 May 04 - 11:11 AM I'm off to Camp David for the weekend. Don't wait up. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 28 May 04 - 01:53 PM No, Doug, I mean you have to vote like this: One for Bush Two from Rapaire Three for Bush Four for Rapaire Mayor Richard Daley the First showed me the way. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: DougR Date: 28 May 04 - 01:51 PM Rapaire: you mean I can vote for Bush TWICE? That's comforting considering my wife is probably going to vote for Kerry which is going to kill my first vote. Brucie: I never bet on a sure thing. Takes all the fun out of it. DougR |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Amos Date: 28 May 04 - 12:59 PM The vitality-deprived is almost an automatic majority -- if you can win that market segment, you're a shoo-in!! And the existentially challenged? Practically 93 per cent of the demographic pool!! These are intersecting sets, obviously, but the important point is that these categories have NEVER been addressed in market research before, and finally someone comes along who undferstnads his public welll enough to speak to the real heartfelt issues!! You are obviously onto something REALLY big here, Mister Rapaire, sir. Let me know if I can help. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 27 May 04 - 10:12 PM Brucie, I've got the votes of the vitality deprived. No one else, not even LaRouche, knows the needs of the existentially challenged as I do. All that time I spent working on stones for the breathless has given me a rapport no other candydate can match. Just ask any of them, "Who are you going to vote for if not Rapaire?" and listen to the silence. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Peace Date: 27 May 04 - 08:52 PM Rap, Don't start saying things like that. You will lose the 'ethereal' vote. Campaign doesn't need that. If you want to win and quit, you have to win first. To everything, turn, turn, turn . . . . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 27 May 04 - 06:12 PM And then what? Throw my whole head? I'd miss it. Really. I'm quite attached to my head. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: GUEST,Lovechild Date: 27 May 04 - 05:41 PM Keep your hat on Rapaire. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 27 May 04 - 09:27 AM But once in a while, my campaign falls into the best possible company: 27 May, 09:24 MCT: BS: The Mother of all BS threads BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 27 May 04 - 09:03 AM NOW look! 27 May, 09:00 MCT! BS: Job Creation in America BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... "...There's work for them that wants ta...." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 26 May 04 - 01:43 PM Ah swear that Mudcat server is out to DE-rail my retirement campaign! 26 May 04 at 12:19 PM MCT: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... BS: Celtic/White Supremicist Connections? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Peace Date: 26 May 04 - 12:19 PM NEWS FLASH Rappaire, the quiet librarian from a certain undisclosed location in reality is running for the presidency of something or other. Let's make one thing perfectly clear to prospective voters: If you LIKE him, put a big X beside his name on the ballot. If you DON'T like him, put a small x beside his name on the ballot. NO CRAP FROM RAP. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 24 May 04 - 07:58 PM Doug, it suddenly occurred to me that, hailing originally from Illinois, I can't see any reason that you couldn't vote for both Bush AND me. True, I was from Downstate, but such little things like voting a couple or more times never stopped anyone from, say, Chicago. Why, I grew up on the motto "Vote early and often!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Peace Date: 24 May 04 - 07:40 PM Gotta get Bill D for the Department of Philosophy, and if one doesn't exist, make one. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 24 May 04 - 07:34 PM That's okay, DougR. I understand. Not everyone understands the wisdom of my platform: as soon as you've vested for the retirement benefits, quit, and try not to screw things up too much in the meantime. Jimmie Carter didn't. Ronald Reagan didn't. Bushes I and II didn't. Clinton didn't. Ford didn't. Dick Nixon realized it, but by then it was too late. And that's only the last seven presidents. Besides, while I'd really, really like to have all of the votes, it certainly would look better if Bush got at least one. Oh, heck, his wife is a librarian -- I'll let him have as many as ten. I'm nothing if not magnanim...magnamin...charitable. Then again, MY wife is a librarian, too. I'll have to think on this a bit. Maybe I'll compromise and let Bush have five votes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Peace Date: 24 May 04 - 06:19 PM Geeze, DougR, maybe this time he'll actually be voted in. BUT, I don't think Bush will win. Want to go a dollar on it? So that's like a dollar for you if you win, and a dollar for me if I win. And we give it away to the first one of those boxes that are around 7-11s like for animal shelters or MS or whatever. Let me know. Bruce M |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: DougR Date: 24 May 04 - 05:11 PM Amergin: No offence taken. I'd vote for Rapaire, but I've already committed to Bush. Rapaire doesn't need all the crap that goes withthe office anyway. DougR |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: dianavan Date: 24 May 04 - 02:19 PM I'd vote for Rap if I could because it will only strengthen my role as Benevelent autocrat of the World - headquarter in Cascadia. Once he retires, the U.S. will be in chaos and N.Calif, Oregon, Wn. and parts of Idaho will be only to anxious to join us. We have a pretty good opportunity here. So far the cabinet of Cascadia consists of: Curmudgeon Laureate and Minister of Education and Health - Don Firth High Earth Court Jester and Secretary of the Inferior - Rustic Rebel Lord Privy Seal - John 'Giok' MackKenzie Mistress of Transportation - Boudicca, Queen of the Iceni Mr. Ellipsis-Interrogative - Cluin Treasurer - Freda Underhill 2nd in charge (Vice-autocrat) - Bobert or Boberta Secretary of the Arts - BTW Chief of Staff and Spin Doctor/Campaign manager - brucie Press secretary - WYSIWYG Minister of Defense - Little Hawk Secretary of State - Sorcha Health and Human Services - Raptor Policy Advisor - Amergin Sargeant of Arms - Carol C. Are there any more nominations or volunteers? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Peace Date: 24 May 04 - 12:33 PM However, wanting all the votes could backfire. Anyone getting 100% of the popular vote would seem a bit suspicious. (I understand that Hussein did in the last Irag free election, but he was a paragon of virture and no doubt deserving of all those votes.) You, on the other hand, have contributed to threads like the penguin thing and the angiosperm thing and stuff like that. Also, you even admit to being a card-carrying member of the National Library Association. How the hell are people gonna trust a guy like that? You have to work on your image here. Start offering money and power to people. Play the game the way it's supposed to be played. Get with the program. VOTE FOR RAPAIRE, BECAUSE ONCE HE GETS HIS HANDS ON YOUR MONEY HE WILL LET YOU HAVE SOME. This ad is sponsored by Citizens for Moral Decency (who want to put diapers on male dogs so their balls don't show in public). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 24 May 04 - 10:01 AM I want ALL the votes. I think globally, because I don't want anyone disappointed when I quit. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Peace Date: 23 May 04 - 10:41 PM 1) Uh, future Kahuna of the Whole Ball of Wax (or Whacks if things get real kinky): I don't think it's good to have this thread so closely connected in the public imagination with another one entitled "Lies, Lies, Lies". 2) Don't worry about the British spellings; you are not Millard Fillmore, so they can't vote for you. Unless, of course, you intend to invade and introduce them to WMDs (Webster-Merriam Dictionaries) for the lexicologically challenged. If you go ahead with that part of the plan, I am of the opinion that the WMDs have the words presented such that the order of entry in the book will be based on the second letter of the word, not the first. To wit, they will have to look for 'psychology' under S, not P. Likewise with mnemonic: under N, not M. Phone will be found under the letter H, and you can invoke theme weeks: "This week in history is brought to you by the letter Q." Imagine the confusion when armies invade Qatar--found under the letter A, or Andorra, found under N. 3) You are a politician, Rapaire, stop making sense. Bruce Murdoch, your GNL (agent-in-place) in Canada. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 23 May 04 - 09:36 PM Is there a conspiracy to prevent me from getting them retirement bennies? Have I so frightened The Establishment that they are corrupting Mudcat just to get at me? Here are the current Top Three BS threads: BS: Iraqis Beheading Americans BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... BS: Lies, Lies, Lies as of 9:01 p.m. MT, May 23, 2004. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 23 May 04 - 09:01 PM Is it true that Idaho has more millionaires per capita than any other state in the USA? I've heard that too. But I can't say for certain (how many OTHER candidates will admit such a thing?), since other folks wouldn't take kindly to me investigating their bank accounts, old piggy banks, mattresses, old socks, and so on. I asked a guy named Herb if he was a millionaire and he snorted, and then he laughed so hard his false teeth shot out and nearly winged a passing plutocrat. If so, are you one of them, and if not, what is the problem? I am not one of the millionaires. Nor am I a billionaire. I'm not even a thousandaire. At the moment I'm not even a hundredaire. I just checked, and I have six USD 1.00 bills in my wallet and some change in my pocket. Therefore, I am not among them. The problem is that I don't have any money. See? Full and complete disclosure! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Ebbie Date: 23 May 04 - 08:47 PM Question, Rapaire: Is it true that Idaho has more millionaires per capita than any other state in the USA? If so, are you one of them, and if not, what is the problem? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 23 May 04 - 08:16 PM I, myself, favor (or favour) the organization (or organisation) scheme (or skeme) known everywhere as Chaotic Nonmanagement. If this is too much trouble, I suggest Organized (or Organised) Grabass (or Grabarse). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Peace Date: 23 May 04 - 03:52 PM Mommy, he's baacccckkkk! (Ya know how many flies it takes to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but I have no idea how they get in there.) We need organization. Before, during or after the election. Take your pick. But, with the quoits champ (I have no friggin' idea what quoits is or are) of the western United States at the helm, this mixed metaphor will launch itself into orbit on the highway of the election trail. Yes! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 23 May 04 - 01:55 PM Gee, Rap, that looks like 28 people to me! More in line with the Bush way of doing things. ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 23 May 04 - 11:27 AM While I hate to conduct a dirty, foul, name-calling campaign, I just received this from One Of My Usual But Unnamed Sources: How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a lightbulb? The answer is SEVEN: (1) One to deny that a lightbulb needs to be replaced. (2) One to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who asks questions about the lightbulb. (3) One to blame the previous administration for the need of a new lightbulb. (4) One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of lightbulbs. (5) One to get together with Vice President Cheney and award a million-dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton Industries for supplying a lightbulb. (6) One to arrange a photo-op session showing Dubya changing the lightbulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag. (7) And finally, one to explain to Dubya the difference between screwing a lightbulb and screwing the country. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 23 May 04 - 11:21 AM My God(dess)! My own nephew a terrorist! And since he has daily access to anhydrous ammonia, he's probably making crystal in that trailer he lives in! Please, arrest him! Save him from himself! Send him to prison so that he can be reformed into a armed robber or something! But don't send him to one of them white collar lockups where he'd have to associate with CEOs and such -- our family is poor, but we do have limits of whom we will associate with. Tony's cannons are used to salute the flag of the US of A. That is, they're little ones. He uses them when he goes out in his role as Scoutmaster and they have the flagraising and flag lowering ceremonies. Not only is he a Scoutmaster, he works for the Illinois State Police. So as a employee of the ISP, a decorated veteran, and a Scoutmaster, I certainly wouldn't want to cast any aspersions on his patriotism. Besides, he's still got them cannons. Ted makes flintlocks and such, only they don't work well, if at all. So he gives them away and people put them over their fireplaces for decorations -- sort of gives it that "just in case the British attack" look. He's a real, true-blue American, being unemployed for some months now. Genetic? I wouldn't go THAT far. I had my genome analyzed before Bobert announced my candydatecy, and while some of the amino acids did spell "GAT" others spelled "TAG", a game I was partial to in my younger days. Of course, others spelled "AGT" and "TGA" and "GTA" and other silly words like "AAA" (of which I am a member) and "TTT" and "GGG" and so on. Since there were far more "others" than "GATs", and more "TAGs" than "GATs" I think that any genetic predisposition to weapons is more than compensated for, nay, is OVERWHELMED, by a predisposition to playing "TAG". (For the record, the genomes of my siblings are absolutely identical to my own -- an astonishment to the scientists, since while we had the same pair of parents, we were born over a five year period. Genetics is at a loss to explain this.) I hope that I have answered your questions. Vote for me, I need the retirement benefits. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: dianavan Date: 23 May 04 - 10:48 AM Rapaire - About John. Do you realize that because John has access to fertilizer, that makes him a terrorist suspect? We may have to send him off shore for a little interrogation. Tony's cannons and Ted's gun fetish makes me wonder if the facination in weaponry runs in your family. Is it genetic? Actually, the combination of all three make me suspect that you are probably stockpiling weapons. Do we need to send the U.N. inspectors your way? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 22 May 04 - 08:41 PM Yeah, Bobert, but I gotta elected in order to quit. That's why I'll answer all questions asked of me, 'cause I got nothing to hide. One reason is that I don't plan to be around long enough to HAVE somethin' to hide. And that will make me the only honest candydate on the ballot. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Bobert Date: 22 May 04 - 08:36 PM Whew, Rap... Fir a while there I thought you had jumped the gun on the quittin' part... Patience, my friend, patience... Election, benefits and quit (EBQ)... Now don't get weak on me, Rapster.... EBQ! EBQ! EBQ!....... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 22 May 04 - 07:35 PM I shall answer all questions, no matter how personal, as MY campaign has NOTHING. To hide, in the bank -- NOTHING. Therefore: 1. Boise, brucie. I was in Boise learning how to make the results match the outcome you wanted. It's called "Outcomes Based Evaluation". Works like this. Suppose you decided to go to war against some country. Naturally, you want to win. So you pick someone you can beat. Here's the trick: you have a definite starting date and a definite ending date. That way, you can quantify your results (that means "make 'em into numbers") and report your war win as "Victories Per Cubic Hectare" or something. Since you already decided that you were going to win, you just make the outcome statistics sound good. 2. I don't have any children of my own that I know about. My nieces and nephews have all been straight as far as the law is concerned, although John did get a traffic ticket once and both Joe and Danny were hit by cars but not physically hurt. Ralph's been in the US Marines and had the good sense to get out, get married, and have a kid (so I'm a great-uncle). John is a fertilizer spreader, a job which trains him for politics. Nephew Tony (as opposed to Brother Tony) graduates from HS on June 4 and will begin a physics major at the Illinois Institute of Technology next Fall; he can be somewhat reality-challenged at times. My brothers, on the other hand. Well, Tony's got a canoe, a motorboat, and two cannons. He used to have a coffin, but he sold it at a garage sale. Ted's got a lot of cameras and makes his own rifles and stuff while trying to cope with his two boys. I've also got a sister who is unmarried and has no kids we know about. Oh, yeah. The last time I shot golf some guy got all upset and called me lots of names. He might have even hit me except I was holding my double-barreled 12 gauge. I don't know why he got all upset, 'cause them golfs are little round suckers with a really tough skin, an awful rubbery taste, and they're all stringy inside. Are quoits that sport the British place? The one involving bats, wickets, and moving your bowels? I don't think I've ever played quoits if it is. Seems disgusting. I've thrown darts and tossed rope circles over pegs, though. I will answer all questions, completely and fully. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 22 May 04 - 02:46 PM Rapaire, you got any kids? Will they be out making stump speeches for you (or limb or branch or leaf speeches?) Here's something you need to consider:
"I can't think of any of the children of a president who have kept a lower profile than these girls have," Buchanan said. "Of course, that was at the wish of both the parents and the children, and the press, for the most part respected it." Aside from brief appearances at the 2000 Republican convention and later at Bush's inaugural balls, the first real glimpse of Jenna and Barbara came via the police blotter. In February 2001, Secret Service agents protecting Jenna Bush during a visit to Fort Worth retrieved a Texas Christian University student identified as her boyfriend from the Tarrant County Jail. The student was taken into custody accused of public intoxication. Two months later, Jenna Bush was issued a citation for underage drinking at a bar along Austin's popular Sixth Street nightclub strip. Then in May of that year, the twins were cited for underage drinking at a Mexican restaurant in Austin. They were 19 at the time. Barbara Bush pleaded no contest to underage possession of alcohol and was ordered to perform eight hours of community service and attend alcohol-awareness class. What a hoot! Rap, do your kids have a rap sheet? SRS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Peace Date: 22 May 04 - 01:52 PM And another thing: This thread now has a BLUE number. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Peace Date: 22 May 04 - 01:51 PM Where the hell is Rapaire? He's the friggin' leader. Off somewhere playing golf or quoits or something while the country goes to ruins. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Benjamin Date: 18 May 04 - 02:05 PM Verdi and Vivaldi have nothing on me!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Rapparee Date: 18 May 04 - 08:47 AM Benjamin, my whole campaign is based upon the fact that as soon as I qualify for the retirement benefits I'll resign. That's one of the only two campaign promises I'm making. The other one is "I'll try not to screw things up too badly before I get to quit." (I am thinking about an Executive Order though, called "ETA". Means "Equal Time for Acoustic" and would require one-to-one radio, etc. play time for acoustic and electronic music, with preference given to folk, blues, jazz and so on. Only my consultants can't define folk, blues, and jazz. There have been several fights and three bars smashed already.) Hmmm...how about the post of Ambassador to the Philharmonics? Or Head of the CIA (Cello Instrumentals Agency)? They're both tough jobs, especially for a folkie, and I certainly wouldn't want to downplay the dangers. We lost three agents last year to Verdi and no one who's gotten into Vivaldi has ever returned. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Benjamin Date: 18 May 04 - 12:33 AM Rapaire, I'm surprised you haven't even considered me for your running mait! I haven't suffered enough yet and I'm from the North West. Although there is that age limit thing. That won't really help my case much. Maybe I'll have to wait until you run for re-election and you have changed the required ages for running for office. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Amergin Date: 17 May 04 - 11:30 PM how about simply: "I'm not Bush" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Rapaire throws hat into the ring... From: Bobert Date: 17 May 04 - 11:17 PM Either one works fir me... But Iz kinda been thinkin' 'bout "Guittin' for you..." Kinda patriotic, if ya ask me... Bobert |
