Know of any masturbation songs?

Subject: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 09:02 PM

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: patriot1314
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 09:05 PM

The obvious one.... I'm a wanker by Ivor Biggun
there's also, Pictures of Lily by the Who
and Turning Japanese by the vapours.... (think facial expressions)

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Once Famous
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 09:09 PM

Why? Do you need music to jerk-off by? Or are you just looking for inspiration?

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Rabbi-Sol
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 09:10 PM

Penis Envy by a group called Uncle Bonsai. SOL ZELLER

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 09:13 PM

I think you've spotted a hole in the market....go for it!

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 09:14 PM

Jazz...

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Blackcatter
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 09:20 PM

Captain Jack by Billy Joel
Whole Lotta Rosie by AC/DC

Not folk, but not f*ck either . . .

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 09:22 PM

"Hey, hey, Uncle Jud,
It's a treat to beat your meat in the Mississippi mud...."

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 09:31 PM

John Prine's song about 2 folks who never met, but made do, called "Donald And Lydia".

Contains the line, "Mostly they made love from ten miles away!"

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Jeri
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 09:40 PM

Jackson Browne's 'Rosie'

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Blackcatter
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 09:44 PM

Violent Femmes

Blister In The Sun


When I'm out walking I strut my stuff yeah I'm so strung out
I'm high as a kite I just might stop to check you out
let me go on like I blister in the sun
let me go on big hands I know your the one
body and beats I stain my sheets I don't even know why
my girlfriend she's at the end she is starting to cry
let me go on like I blister in the sun
let me go on big hands I know your the one...

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Blackcatter
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 09:47 PM

Cyndi Lauper - She-Bop

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 10:03 PM

There really are several traditional ones we used to sing at our ivy league all-men's college back inthe 1960's. But I'd prefer to share them with a Guest that had the couresty to post a name.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 10:08 PM

Onan, o Onan, the stuff of legend he,
The best-known of wankers in all of history.

I guess the rest of the songs are actually limericks. Golly, that would be sad, to finish in the short time it takes to say or sing a limerick!

~S~

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Cap't Bob
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 10:32 PM

"The Masturbation Blues" by R.B.

Cap't Bob

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Peace
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 11:02 PM

"Golly, that would be sad, to finish in the short time it takes to say or sing a limerick!"

Is the Rime of the Ancient Mariner a limerick?

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Joybell
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 11:35 PM

Joy's truelove here, with one i learned at Harvard in 1956, to the tune of Funiculi Funicula:


last night i lay awake and masturbated.
it felt so good. i knew it would.
last night i lay awake and masturbated.
it felt so nice. i did it twice.
my god! but you should see me on the short stroke.
it feels so grand; i use my hand.
my god! but you should see me on the long stroke.
it feels so neat: i use my feeeeet.
whack it! smack it! beat it on the floor!
kick it! flick it! shove it out the door! funiculi funicula etc etc

Well there goes my clean and decent image. True-love's True-love.

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Nerd
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 11:46 PM

Billy Bragg's "St. Swithin's Day" has the line

With my own hands
when I make love to your memory
It's not the same
I miss the thunder, I miss the rain.

And of course, the Buzzcocks' "Orgasm Addict."

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: alanabit
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 02:47 AM

Willie and the Hand Jive is another one. I know several versions, but I have forgotten who did the original. No doubt someone here will remind me.

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 03:25 AM

"Masterbation can be fun
Join the Holy Orgy Kama Sutra
Everyone...."

I remember the line but not the song. I'm sure someone else will.

..xx..e

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 03:38 AM

I don't know any, but it strikes me that rhythm should be important, like in sea shanties. Perhaps some shanties could be converted? Let's see, you have capstan shanties and forebitters among others, so how about "head" shanties and foreskinners?

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 03:39 AM

Some days I disguct myself

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Stewie
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 03:41 AM

There is a Michael Hurley song, the title of which escapes me at the moment, which includes the advice:

Use your left hand grandma
It feels like someone else
It feels like someone else

--Stewie.

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: s&r
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 04:23 AM

Take five?

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: GUEST,Judge dread
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 05:18 AM

To the tune of "Funiculi, funicula"

Last night, I contemplated masturbation!
I thought it would..do me good.
Tonight I shall repeat the operation,
I never tire, of pulling my wire.
First, you give it a long stroke,
Up and down, up and down, up and down,
Then you give it a short stroke,
Round and round, round and round, round and round.
And then you ease it, squeeze it
slap it on the floor, spank it, wank it, rub it up the door,
Some people say that sexual intercourse is absolutely grand....
But for personal satisfaction, I prefer to use my hand.

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 05:24 AM

With these hands

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 05:25 AM

Anything by Kate Rusby or Kate Bush.

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 06:02 AM

Only a wanker would start a thread like this !

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: RangerSteve
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 06:31 AM

Ellenpoly - that's from a song from "Hair", the theatrical version -
it wasn't included in the movie. I don't remember the words, but I believe the first line was "Masturbation, fellatio, cunnilingus, pederasty, Father, why do these words sound so nasty?"

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 06:47 AM

Lyndsey de Paul's "Sugar Walls"?

Pointer Sisters, "Slow Hand"

"Touch me" (forget the perfomer)

"Do you want to touch" Gary Glitter.

I think Britney Spears just recorded one but I can't remember what it was called.

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 07:04 AM

Acapella Stella         or is that just me that thinks that!

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 07:20 AM

yes, those words are from Hair (song name Sodomy)

SODOMY

Sodomy
Fellatio
Cunnilingus
Pederasty

Father, why do these words sound so nasty?

Masturbation
Can be fun
Join the holy orgy
Kama Sutra
Everyone!

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 07:21 AM

To the tune of "My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean"

My oneskin lies over my twoskin
My twoskin lies over my three
My threeskin lies over my fourskin
So peel back my fourskin for me

Peel back, peel back, oh peel back my foreskin for me, for me...etc

Subject: ADDPOP: I Touch Myself (Divinyls)
From: GUEST,Master Bates
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 07:56 AM

I Touch Myself
by The Divinyls

I love myself
I want you to love me
When I'm feelin' down
I want you above me
I search myself
I want you to find me
I forget myself
I want you to remind me

Chorus:
I don't want anybody else
When I think about you
I touch myself
I don't want anybody else
Oh no, oh no, oh no

You're the one who makes me happy honey
You're the sun who makes me shine
When you're around I'm always laughing
I want to make you mine

I close my eyes
And see you before me
Think I would die
If you were to ignore me
A fool could see
Just how much I adore you
I get down on my knees
I'd do anything for you

Chorus

I love myself
I want you to love me
When I'm feelin' down
I want you above me
I search myself
I want you to find me
I forget myself
I want you to remind me

Chorus

I want you
I don't want anybody else
And when I think about you
I touch myself
Ooh, oooh, oooooh, aaaaaah

Chorus

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Michael
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 08:20 AM

I should think most songwriters could toss you one off if you asked nicely.

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 08:38 AM

From the nautical messmates to GUEST "Masturbation Troll":

Columbus was a sailor,
There was no sailor bolder;
Every time he'd masturbate,
He'd dislocate his shoulder.

Chorus:

Friggin' in the riggin',
Friggin' in the riggin',
Friggin' in the riggin',
There's fuck'l else to do!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Micca
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 08:50 AM

I did write a parody of a Ewan McColl song several years ago, the parody was called " the Manchester Wanker" PM me for the words as i am reluctant to post them!
The chorus goes
" I'm a wanker i'm a wanker from Manchester way
I get all my pleasure the solitary way
I may bash my bible on Sunday
but I bash my bishopon Monday!"

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 08:52 AM

leadbelly's haul away joe???!!!!

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: GUEST,Barrie Roberts
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 09:34 AM

Isn't 'Hanging Johnny' a dual-purpose worksong? Then there's the 'Christopher Robin' parody:

Little boy kneels by the lavatory pan,
Clutched in his hand is his little old man,
Flippety, floppety into the tank,
Christopher Robin is having a wank.

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Easy Rider
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 10:09 AM

there was a Tom Lehrer song we used to sing, back in the sixties. I've forgotten the name, but it goes something like this:

"Last night I stayed home and masturbated.
It was so nice; I did it twice.

You should have seend me on the short strokes.
It was so grand; I used my hand.

You should have seend me on the long strokes.
It was so neat; I used my feet..."

does anybody have any more info?

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 10:22 AM

Easy Rider-

I don't think that one was by Tom Leher but it's certainly one we sang at our 'all men's" college in the 1960's. And we also sang Joybell's ditty.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 10:24 AM

She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes
She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes
She'll be coming round the mountain, she'll be coming round the mountain,
She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes

She'll be driving six white horses when she comes
She'll be driving six white horses when she comes
She'll be driving six white horses, she'll be driving six white horses,
She'll be driving six white horses when she comes

Oh, we'll all go out to meet her when she comes
Oh, we'll all go out to meet her when she comes

Oh, we'll all go out to meet her, we'll all go out to meet her,
We'll all go out to meet her when she comes

She'll be wearing red pajamas when she comes
She'll be wearing red pajamas when she comes

She'll be wearing red pajamas, she'll be wearing red pajamas,
She'll be wearing red pajamas when she comes

She will have to sleep with Grandma when she comes
She will have to sleep with Grandma when she comes
She will have to sleep with Grandma, she will have to sleep with Grandma,
She will have to sleep with Grandma when she comes

Subject: ADDPOP: Twenty-Mile Zone
From: Peter K (Fionn)
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 10:28 AM

Easy Rider, that's not one of Tom Lehrer's. Check back up the thread where similar lyrics have been posted.

Can anyone tell me what this song's all about?

twenty-mile zone
from ON MY WAY TO WHERE
by Dory Previn

I was riding in my car
screaming at the night
screaming at the dark
screaming at fright
I wasn't doing nothing
just drive about
screaming at the dark
letting it out
that's all I was doing
just
letting it out

well along comes a motorcycle
very much to my surprise
I said officer was I speeding
I couldn't see his eyes
he said no you weren't speeding
and he felt where his gun was hung
he said lady you were screaming
at the top of your lung
and you were...

doing it along
you were doing it alone
you were screaming in your car
in a twenty-mile zone
you were doing it alone
you were doing it alone
you were screaming

I said I'll roll up all my windows
don't want to disturb the peace
I'm just a creature
who is looking
for a little release
I said
and what's so wrong with screaming
don't you do it at your games
when the quarterback
breaks an elbow
when the boxer beats and maims
but you were...

doing it alone
you were doing it alone
you were screaming in your car
in a twenty-mile zone
you were doing it alone
you were doing it alone
you were screaming

I said animals roar
when they feel like
why can't we do that too
instead of screaming
banzai baby
in the war in the human zoo

he said I got to take you in now
follow me right behind
and let's have no more screaming
like you're out of your mind
so he climbed aboard his cycle
and his red-eyed headlight beamed
and his motor started spinning
and his siren screamed

he was doing it alone
he was doing it alone
he was screaming on his bike
in a twenty-mile zone
he was doing it alone
he was doing it alone
he was screaming
i was doing it alone
i was doing it alone
i was screaming in my car
in a twenty-mile zone
i was doing it alone
i was doing it alone
i was screaming
we were doing it together
we were doing it together
we were screaming at the dark
in a twenty-mile zone
we were doing it together
we were doing it together
we were screaming
we were doing it together
we were doing it
together
alone
in a twenty-mile zone.



Another Poem
Home
Maintained by StarWalk.Com

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 10:53 AM

Why does this thread seem so rich in pathos and tinged with barbarian gloom?


A

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 10:58 AM

Amos I don't know what you are drinking but give it up

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 11:02 AM

"The Ball o' Kerriemuir"

Underneath the chestnut tree the village idiot sat
Amusing himself by abusing himself and catching it in his hat...

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 11:03 AM

Oh, my darlin', oh my darlin',
Oh, my darlin' fingers mine
You are great, please last forever,
Oh my darlin' fingers mine.

--from the Boy Scouts.

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: GUEST,Jaze
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 12:08 PM

My Own Best Friend by John Prine

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: Nerd
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 02:48 PM

Alanabit,

Willie and the Hand Jive was originally written and performed by Johnny Otis, a pseudonym for Greek American John Veliotes, who was kind of an activist for African-American causes. He was a jazz bandleader, jump blues pioneer, early rock recording artist, radio and TV personality in LA, and Shuggie Otis's dad.

I think it was unlikely he was thinking about masturbation in this particular song. I believe it was recorded in response to "Bo Diddley," in which Bo took a common Black folk song, "Hambone," rewrote it slightly, and took its characteristic hand-slapping rhythms to become the "Bo Diddley Beat." "Hand Jive" was another name for this "hambone" hand-dance. What Otis was saying was "Bo didn't invent this beat." Other groups like Kip Tyler and the Flips recorded songs that featured the same rhythm in the African jungle, again making the point that it was common cultural property at least of the Black community.

The song itself is pretty clearly about a dance, as it has men and women doing it together, grandma paying to watch "baby sister" do it, a child doing it on TV, etc. That's not to say you can't interpret it to be masturbation, but it becomes a pretty gross, depraved and shocking song that way (especially the grandma part).

Mind you, years later Otis recorded an X-rated album called "Snatch and the Poontangs," so he wasn't above this sort of thing!

Subject: RE: Know of any masturbation songs?
From: GUEST,Handit Twoomey
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 03:36 PM

I was at a concert recently where the music was translated for the hearing impaired by sign language interpreters. One of the music performers, by way of teasing the sign language person, inserted comments about masturbation in the lyrics of the songs he was singing...inserted at random just to see how the sign language person would sign the terms. It was a riot!