Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor

Subject: JEREMY TAYLOR LYRICS
From: Lucia
Date: 03 Nov 98 - 05:55 AM

I am after lyrics for Jeremy Taylor songs. He is the English/South African Folk Singer/Songwriter. Especially: TRANSPLANT CALYPSO AG PLEEZ DADDY (was no.1 on Sth African charts despite being banned by their national broadcasting station) PRAWNS IN THE GAME

Subject: RE: JEREMY TAYLOR LYRICS
From: John in Brisbane
Date: 04 Nov 98 - 07:14 PM

Prawns in the Game is too too good a song to leave this thread unanswered. I have only performed this song a couple of times and no longer have the lyrics. Jeremy was still doing tours to Australia until the last 10 years or so. I last saw him at the now defunct Troubadour in Melbourne at that time. The bits I can recall are something like:

The author's story benind the song - by the time he got home to his hotel after gigs, the only TV shows available were BBC news programs, relying heavily on interviews with union officialdom and shop-stewards. Needless to say the workers' representatives of the time played merry hell with the Queen's English, and used lots of left-wing cliches. He dutifully recorded them, including one statement "We're all just prawns in the game" and encapsulated it in this song.
For better or worse the same interviews today would be conducted with educated individuals, working to scripts crafted by PR professionals and clearly without the colour of that period.

(Sung in a very whingeing, shop-steward, English accent)

Bruvvers, bruvvers, we all know why we're here
We've stated our demands, we've made it perfectly clear
L The management of this factory is pushing us around,
So are we gonna stand here and take it lying down,

Chorus
No! We're not! We've got our rights,
No! We won't give in without a fight,
It's the bosses wot gets the money, and it's the workers gets the blame,
And it's time they stopped treating us like PRAWNS IN THE GAME.
Prawns in the game, prawns in the game,
It's time they stopped treating us like PRAWNS IN THE GAME,

Now we got the support of AJAX and the ENTAU,
And the AFDLWERP....errr, and as far as we're concerned,
At this particular junction in time,
We're by-passing the union, cos they're just toeing the line.

From the shores of Czechoslovakia (pause for laugh),
To Hungary and Spain,
The writing's on the wall bruvvers, the message is plain,
This Government's trying to con us with another wages freeze,
But the aim of the Party bruvvers, is to bring the country to its knees.

Now we've got a right to strike bruvvers,
And we've got a right to work,
And we've got a right to stay on strike for the right to go back to work
????????????

Best I can do,
Regards
John

Subject: RE: JEREMY TAYLOR LYRICS
From: John in Brisbane
Date: 11 Nov 98 - 02:14 AM

The next bit replaces the ????? above.

And we've got a right to back back pay for the time that we've been striking
And the overtime we coul've earned is ours for the taking.

This next bit starts the verse with 'shores of Czechoslovakia' in it.

Our brothers in Angola hace kicked the colonists out
Control by the proletariat is what it's all about.

Subject: Lyr Add: POT SONG (Jeremy Taylor)
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 04:17 PM

For another reason entirely, I've pulled together the posted Jeremy Taylor lyrics from sundry threads.
Lift Girls Lament
Jobsworth
Pot Song
Red Velvet Steering Wheel Cover Driver
Ag Pleez Daddy
Dear Aunty Vera


Nigel

---

Thread #49411   Message #746375
Posted By: Nigel Parsons
11-Jul-02 - 07:41 AM
Thread Name: BS: Is Pot Smoking a 'Folk' thing to do?
Subject: Lyr Add: POT SONG (Jeremy Taylor)

With the topicality of this thread, I think it's time to hear from Jeremy Taylor on the vexatious subject.

POT SONG
Jeremy Taylor

I smoke a lot of pot, man,
It helps me to keep sane.
I sometimes have a shot of cocaine.
Just a little puff,
Helps me to unwind.
And when I've had enough
Oh, I really blow my mind.
Ring a Ring 'o' roses, a pocket full of pot,
Hash and cannabis resin, I've smoked the lot.

(spoken)
Now a lot of people ask me why I smoke the stuff. The mari-ju-ana or 'old bedsocks' as it's sometimes known. Well, the fact is, man, I'll smoke anything.

(sung)
Now hash a bye my baby, high on the tree top,
When the wind blows your mind, you'll be safe on pot.

(spoken)
One thing it has done for me now, I must say, it has broadened my 'percepteral' horizons. I mean, that hole in the ceiling that lets the rain in used to be just a hole, but now it's a whole scene, man, you know, it's way out, and groovy, and still lets the bloody rain in.

(sung)
My vision is amazing; I can make things fit.
People see me gazing and say I'm a stupid twit!
But I'm thankful to The Times, for helping our campaign
To legalise can-ar-bis, and help me to keep sane


Transcribed from "Spike Milligan & Jeremy Taylor 'Live' at Cambridge University 2/12/'73"
NP

CHEERS Nigel

Subject: RE: JEREMY TAYLOR LYRICS
From: Joe Offer
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 04:45 PM

Thanks, Nigel. I crosslinked them all. If anybody knows of other threads on Jeremy Taylor, please send me the thread number and title in a personal message.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: Lyr Add: TRANSPLANT CALYPSO (Jeremy Taylor)
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 10:36 AM

I notice from the original request that 'Transplant Calypso' is still outstanding, So:
_______________________________

TRANSPLANT CALYPSO
Jeremy Taylor

The other day I was feelin' ill
I went to the Doctor to get some pills
He looked at me in despair
Said "My friend you're badly in need of repair
Now with this up to date surgery
We get our spare parts from the menagerie
So if you'll kindly sit down a while,
I'll just telephone for a crocodile."
Soon I had:-

        The heart of an ape, the liver of a chicken,
        The blood of an ox, through a tube which was they stick in-
        To me spleen which I borrowed from a cow
        I was human once but I'm not sure now.

Walking down the street,
Me girlfriend I happened to meet
Me heart went bom-diddy-bom
Just like the ape that I got it from,
Me ox-blood boiled, I started to moo
I was pawin' at the ground, what else could I do ?
And when at last she walked on by
I said "Cock-a-doodle-do"
And started to fly.
Hit Me:
        Chorus

Going out one night,
Me an a fella got into a fight
I hit him with a left I hit him with a right
But somehow I just couldn't finish the fight
No matter what I did he kept comin' at me
He was the stubbornest man I ever did see
It was in vain I find out at last
This fella got the jawbone of an ass.
An' he 'ad:
        Chorus

(Spoken) Come on Doctor, help me!
Now in the end I was getting fed up
I said to this doctor "look man, I've had enough.
All this animal junk won't do
Get me some organ that doesn't come out of the zoo"
He said "Well now, what about this for size ?"
I tell you, I could hardly believe my eyes.
I looked at this thing with dismay and suspicion
It was the brain of a politician !
I'd rather have:
        The heart of an ape, the liver of a chicken,
        The blood of an ox, through a tube which was they stick in-
        To me spleen which I borrowed from a cow
        I was human once but I'm not sure now.
        I was human once but I'm (pause) not sure (pause) MMMMooo Now!




Notes:
Introduced by JT as being "A song which I wrote for Dr. Barnard, the well known medical satirist"
Transcribed from "Spike Milligan & Jeremy Taylor 'Live' at Cambridge University 2/12/'73"
NP

_________________________________________

Nigel

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 10:40 AM

All that and I forgot to change the message type to "Lyr Add"

Nigel

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: Compton
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 11:03 AM

Did you know he wrote the songs to "Mrs Wilson's Diary"..another record hard to find...A song Jeremy used to sing from that was "Here I kneel on beded knee, scrubbing the doorstep with Vim, Harold very seldom sees the trouble I go to for him"..etc.

Subject: Lyr Add: ALL ALONG THE SOUTH COAST (Jeremy Taylor)
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 07:35 PM

Added after a similar thread

ALL ALONG THE SOUTH COAST
Jeremy Taylor (poem, no tune)

All along the South Coast the sea is sort of... there,
The sun is sort of shining through a sort of salt sea air,
There's a... sort of shall we or shan't we? A sort of yes or... no.
A sort of rolling up of trouser legs and a dipping of the toe.

All along the South Coast the day is sort of bright,
At least it's sort of brighter than it is at sort of night.
There's a sort of should we? could we? a sort of yes or... no.
Well it could be sort of fun, we ought to sort of have a go.

All along the South coast they're turning out the lights.
It's sort of past 11 o'clock and we've sort of seen the sights.
There's a sort of shall we? dare we? a sort of... groping of the thighs....
A sort of gasp, a sort of pleasure and a sort of burst of sort of sighs.

All along the South Coast the waves beat on the shore,
They sound, well, sort of different than they sort of did before.
There's a sort of did we or didn't we? a sort of smoothing down of clothes,
A sort of Better take you home now, d'you think it sort of shows?

All along the South Coast we sort of settle down,
It's just as sort of good as any other sort of town,
Only now we're sort of... older, we sort of stop at home,
We paint the walls and mow the lawns, and leave the world... alone.

NP

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: breezy
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 07:43 PM

Jeremy would be happy to sell you his CDs as he is a decent chap, and he always asks for a reasonable fee and pulls em in.
His agent is Derek Grinnell at Perrott's Folly.
Do get in touch with him there's agood chap, he deserves his rewards.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: alanabit
Date: 06 Apr 04 - 06:51 AM

I added the lyrics of "Liberal Man" to the discussion of satirical songs on the thread about Eric Bogle's song, "I Hate Wogs". I wonder if Joe Offer could provide us with a link?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 06 Apr 04 - 06:57 AM

Liberal Man

as posted by Alanabit

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From:
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 09:56 AM

Where can I buy his CD? I am in canada.
I once sang FEW OF HIS SONGS BACK IN 1975. H
E WAS ON A LIVE RECORDING WITH SPIKE MILLIGAN
JAMES

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 02:48 PM

wot about dear aunty vera?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 02:54 PM

Guest J Bullard: the album you're seeking is:
"Spike Milligan & Jeremy Taylor 'Live' at Cambridge University 2/12/'73"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 05:22 AM

Guest: Dear Aunty Vera lyrics are in the thread. The thread is also 'cross-linked' at the top of this page

Nigel

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: GUEST,Robin
Date: 28 Aug 07 - 12:00 AM

Does anyone have the Song Of the Northern suburbs? the one that changes to
"Oh Please daddy won't you take me to Inounda,
????????????? ,
The Horsey set will all be there,
The Gibson Brother, What a pair,
And we can get our picture on the social page again...

champagne Cavier, Polo and Jaguar,
Garden Parties, Debutantes and French liqueur,
Life's so boring for a gel, who's only joined the social world
With first night, celebrities, and gown by Di-or!!!"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 28 Aug 07 - 01:59 AM

G'day Robyn,

(Some of) this isposted in this (now "closed" due to 'spam attack')thread:

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Ag Pleez Daddy (Jeremy Taylor)
From: GUEST,johnmac - PM
Date: 21 Oct 06 - 03:54 AM

Sorry, didn't read the whole thread above - ayway, found some of Northern Girls Lament:

Champagne, caviar, polo and Jaguars
Garden parties, debutantes and French liqueur
Life's so boring for a girl
Who cannot join the social whirl
With first nights, Dimple Haig and gown by Dior

And the final verse goes:

Ag sis cookie,
Just cut out all that nagging
Push off now, hey
Just remember I'm your Pa
I'm bleddy fed up with your cheek
And that fancy way you speak,
That bleddy school has finished you,
Has finished you klaar.

---------------------------------

Thread closed because it's been a target for a heavy barrage of Spam. Please post in one of the other threads on this subject (links are above, toward the top of this thread).
-Joe Offer-

---------------------------------

If you check the other 'related threads' listed at the top, you may find more.

Regards,

Bob

Subject: Lyr Add: PRAWNS IN THE GAME (Jeremy Taylor)
From: GUEST,Micky Thump
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 03:37 PM

PRAWNS IN THE GAME
As recorded by Jeremy Taylor on "Live in Chicago" (2012)

Bruvvers, bruvvers, we all know why we're 'ere.
We've stated our demands; we've made it perfectly clear.
The management of this factory is pushin' us around,
So are we gonna stand 'ere and take it lyin' down?

CHORUS: No! We're not! We've got our rights.
No! We won't give up without a fight.
It's the bosses gets the money; it's the workers gets the blame,
And it's time they stopped treatin' us like prawns in the game.
Prawns in the game, prawns in the game,
It's time they stopped treatin' us like prawns in the game.

Now, our bruvvers in this dispute are bein' manipulised,
And it's up to us to see that the management's castigised.
Now, we got the support of AJAX and E-N-T-A-U,
And the A-L-P-N-W-E-N-T-G....errr,
And as far as we're concerned, at this particular junction in time,
We're by-passing the union, cos they're just toein' the line.
I mean, the fact is, that the workin' man is bein' victimated,
So are we going to stand 'ere and watch him get cast straight into the sea?

CHORUS

Now we got a right to strike, bruvvers, and we got a right to work,
And we got a right to stay on strike for the right to go back to work,
And we got a right to back pay for the time that we been strikin',
And the overtime we could've earned is ours for the takin'.
Now the executive strike committee is in complete agreeance.
The party leader Micky Thump is representin' our greivance.
The day is dawnin', bruvvers, when the battle will be won,
So are we gonna give in now, and leave the job undone?

CHORUS: No! We're not! We got our rights!
No! We won't give up without a fight.
It's the bosses get—what do bosses get? (The money!) What do the workers get? (The blame!)
And what have they been treatin' us as? (Prawns in the game!)
All right then! Prawns in the game, prawns in the game,
It's time they stopped treatin' us like prawns in the game.

All right, bruvvers, last verse now, last verse:

Now our comrades in Zimbalay—, in Zimbabl—, in Rhodesia—have kicked the colonists out.
Control by the proletariat is what it's all about.
From the shores of Czechoslovakia [pause] to Hungary and Spain,
The writin's on the wall, bruvvers; the message is plain.
This Government's tryin' to con us wiv anovver wages freeze,
But the aim of the Party, bruvvers, is to bring the country to its knees.
As Micky says, the revolution will bring a bright new day,
So are we gonna let the scabs stand in our way?

CHORUS, ending:

All together! Prawns in the game, prawns in the game,
It's time they stopped treatin' us like prawns in the game.
One more time! Prawns in the game, prawns in the game,
It's time they stopped treatin' us like prawns in the game.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: Bru
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 07:04 PM

Spike Milligan & Jeremy Taylor 'Live' at Cambridge University pops up regularly on Ebay. I've had my copy since the early 70's.

If you contact Jeremy, send him a cheque - and he'll send you any of his CD's. I've had a couple from him.

Has anybody got the full lyrics to Stay Where You Are And Don't Move?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: Rog Peek
Date: 31 Jan 11 - 02:31 PM

Still one of the funniest for me was 'Peez Oof'. Anyone got the lyrics to this?

Rog

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 31 Jan 11 - 03:11 PM

Rog - thanks for reminding me of "Peez Oof"!

Jeremy Taylor was one of the first guests I remember performing at Herga when I was a teenager, and his set then included "Peez Oof". We've got him booked at Herga again this year, on 6th June - see Herga programme online .

Kitty

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: GUEST,Jim Johnson
Date: 06 Jul 11 - 06:25 PM

Fun reading this thread... I've known Jeremy for 45 years. Last September I was able to bring him out into the American west and Dodge City, KS to do two shows as part of his North American Tour. We hadn't seen each other in 40 years!! We had a little time to catch up and swap stories and songs before he had to return to the Chicago area.

Jeremy is a wonderful fellow and would probably be honored to provide lyrics if you asked. Go to: http://www.jeremytaylormusic.com You can reach him at [e-mail] and he'd be honored to have you ask.

Jeremy made an album in the UK in the mid 1960s called "My Songs". I had a copy of it all these years and managed to dub it off onto a CD which I gave him. Many of the songs you all have mentioned are on that LP - especially "Pizouf". You might be able to find a copy of this LP from a collection somewhere. I'd offer copies but Jeremy should get his due so I wouldn't do that without his written permission.

Cheers!!
Jim

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: tritoneman
Date: 07 Jul 11 - 10:39 AM

Some of my favourite Jeremy Taylor pieces were 'The Belle Of Barnstaple', 'Traffic Wardens Are Go' and a rather poignant poem 'The Day I Smashed The Television Set'.

Graham

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: GUEST,Ray
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 01:38 PM

I honestly don't remember Jeremy singing a song called "Peez Oof" - please enlighten me? You couldn't be confusing it with the song Derek Brimstone used to sing - entirely in French - except for the words "Piss Off", could you?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 01:53 PM

It was definitely Jeremy, it was the first time I'd heard him and it must have made an indelible impression because it was over 40 years ago, and my recollection of hearing it in 1967 is consistent with Jim Johnson's post on 6 July about Jeremy's "My Songs" LP in the mid 60s...

Kitty

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 05:23 PM

Jim,I think you will find the LP was called "His Songs" unless he also made one called "My Songs".

Track Listings:

Side One
1. Neighbours 2. Council Flats 3. Blackpool 4. Traffic Wardens Are Go 5. Here I Kneel 6. Parliment One-Step 7. Young Paul

Side Two
1. Belle Of Barnstaple 2. The Day I Smashed The Television 3. I'm Backing Britain Talking Blues 4. Pizouf 5. Nasty Spider 6. Down In The Underground 7. Red Velvet Steering Wheel Covered Driver

I had it on reel to reel since university in the sixties, long since tranfered to CD. Love all the songs, never tire of listening.

Rog

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: GUEST,Rog Peek
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 05:24 PM

That was me, didn't realise I had lost cookie.

Subject: Lyr Add: NASTY SPIDER (Jeremy Taylor)
From: GUEST,Don Wise
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 05:36 AM

NASTY SPIDER;: words & music copyright Jeremy Taylor
As recorded by Jeremy Taylor on "Piece of Ground" (2013)

I can see a nasty spider creeping up on me.
He says he's going to gobble me up and have me for his tea.
He says he will, but he won't.
He says he will, but he won't.
I know–my daddy says so.

I caught a big brown furry caterpillar, put him in a box one day.
He's gonna turn into a butterfly; then he's gonna fly away.
I wish he wouldn't, but he will.
I wish he wouldn't, but he will.
I know–my mummy says so.

Moley, moley, in your holey, why are you so shy?
Please come up and be my friend; moley, won't you try?
I wish he would, but he won't.
I wish he would, but he won't.
I know–'cos teacher says so.

Swallow, swallow, sweeping swallow, flyin' up so high,
I wish that I could fly with you and follow you through the sky.
I wish I could, but I can't.
I wish I could, but I can't.
I know–'cos my feathers won't grow.

Ladybird, ladybird, fly away home.
Your house, your house is caught on fire and your children they are gone.
Ladybird, fly away.
Ladybird, fly away,
Away–'cos your children are gone.

Well, I can see a nasty spider creeping up on you.
He says he's going to gobble you up, have you in his stew.
If he says he will, then he will.
If he says he will, then he will.
I know–'cos he told me so!


That's the text. I loved his intro about wanting to write the perfect childrens song, analysing other children's songs for content etc, and coming up with a song which adults love but which children rejected!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: GUEST,Treespirit
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 04:34 PM

can someone tell me where I can find the song about "The old Stanley Grill". Every time I go into what was a lovely old pub I think about this song!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: ChrisJBrady
Date: 01 Jul 12 - 03:12 PM

Lots of JT songs here:

http://www.3rdearmusic.com/lyrics.html

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Jul 12 - 04:15 PM

I thought it was the New Stanley Grill, which is/was an hotel in Nairobi Kenya. where they used to book performers for a week of cabaret/folkie evenings. I know Jeremy played there, as did Johnny Silvo, and a few others.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: GUEST,Ray
Date: 02 Jul 12 - 09:20 AM

Yes, it is the "New" Stanley Grill but it was a monologue and, as far as I recall, never had a tune.

I remember that Jeremy got a bit of stick after he sung "Prawns" on a TV discussion programme one night. The programme sported a couple of union leaders who didn't like it and said so. Jeremy pointed out that he had heard one union leader saying that "... we must rid this union of all these harmful orgasms."

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: Weasel
Date: 16 May 16 - 05:31 PM

Someone asked for the lyrics to "Stay Where you Are"

This is what I remember from when I heard it many, many years ago - in the 70s? Please correct anything I've mis-remembered.


STAY WHERE YOU ARE

"Stay where you are and don't move," said the man with the truncheon,
"I've seen some bad stuff in my time but this beats the lot.
Hand over the lithograph and the intimate photographs
I'll take the projector and all of the film that you've got".

"Bring back the hangman's noose", said the man called a Tory
He felt it had something to do with England's past glory
Henry the eighth and all that. The birch, the stocks and the cat.
At least you've got to admit it's a bloody good story.

Sniffing for cannabis resin the dogs come a calling
"Excuse me sir but we've heard the effects are appalling
And it leads to stronger stuff like alcohol and snuff
So don't be surprised if you find you're inside in the morning

"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah" said the leader.
"Well yes, I suppose, well alright, 'ave a go", said the crowd.
"'Ello", said the TV men, "lovely to see you again."
And old Mrs. Campbell dropped dead in her soup the next morning.
Cream of tomato.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: GUEST,paul webster
Date: 11 Aug 20 - 02:05 PM

One of my favourites is also the Belle of Barnstaple. I transcribed the words, learnt them and delivered it to our virtual folk group last week accompanied by my wife on banjolele. It was very well received - mostly due to the great lyrics methinks!

So, here they are - by way of a thanks for all those lyrics that I have grabbed from mudcat - with grateful appreciation.

She was a broad-beamed bouncy beautiful brown-as-a berry bumpkin Belle from Barnstaple - In love with the Constable
A flat-footed big-booted broad-chested ham-fisted Constable ..............in Barnstaple
And together they fought and play ; Chase each other through the h-------ay field
When she shouted don’t you dare you dirty dashing devil don’t you dare – Chase me there
And he cavorting laughing snorting leaping peeping at her underwear - Devil may care
I’m an ordinary country girl, And you’ve set my heart in a whirl
With your whiskery face and a strap under his chin
You’re a regular disgrace, I think i’m ready to give in.

No I’ve got me job to do, I’ve got to be off to wash and scrub the fort of a toff in Barnstaple; He’s very amenable
He pats me bottom ever so wary, says my child, I think you’re very suitable – in Barnstaple
But his lady wife is not so keen; She says I should be heard not seeeeeen there
And ever since she caught her spouse a’chasing me with his trousers down in the East wing – “most embarrassing”
And another time she discovered him a lying and waiting in the cupboard in the West wing – “most embarrassing”
And she never will forget the day; When she overheard him say
I’ve fought for all my titles; if only she’d begin
She’s torturing my vitals; I think I’m ready for a gin.

Well what are we going to do with her; she’s setting everyone’s heart a stir in Barnstaple, especially the Constable
The fireman’s going right off his head and the baker’s putting nails in his bread for the Constable...in Barnstaple
Whenever she passes by; everybody stops to s-------igh and stare
Now the vicar’s in a heck of a stew, he can’t take his eyes off a certain pew at evensong; Ding Dong
The choirboys forget to sing and the deacon he forgets to ring the ding dong – at evensong
And they never will forget the day – when the vicar knelt down to pray
Thy kingdom come on earth below – Thy will be done within
Thy kingdom’s in the second row – Oh Lord please let me in.

Oh well alas this jolly state of affairs was just too much for the women to bear in Barnstaple – very regrettable
The Women’s Institute they yelled that the likes of her should be expelled from Barnstaple – very regrettable
And so it was that on that day – The Constable he took her awa------y from there
And off they went together on their bicycles through the heather to another town – where they could settle down
And he could join the Constabulary and she could raise a family in another town – where they could settle down
And I have often heard it say – That to this very day
Once a year in Barnstaple – a strange event takes place
The men all leave their wives bedtime – and the vicar forgets his grace

And off they go into the night – and when they return in the morning light
It takes their wives a year to wipe - their smile from off their face

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jeremy Taylor
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Feb 23 - 06:48 AM

When I was a child I remember watching Mrs Wilson's Diary, and it is extraoridnary that over these 54 years I have never forgotten the phrase "scrubbing the doorstep with Vim"! And its melody! Well done Jeremy!

Frederick Appleby