BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!

Subject: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 07:19 PM

Never is William McGonagall more in his element than when describing a disaster. In this case it's the burning down of a theatre packed full of innocent people! Read on and shudder as McGonagall describes the mayhem, tragedy, and heroism that must attend these sort of grim events, and then wraps it up with his usual adroit references to God's unfathomable will...

THE BURNING OF THE PEOPLE'S VARIETY THEATRE, ABERDEEN
by William McGonagall

'Twas in the year of 1896, and on the 30th of September,
Which many people in Aberdeen will long remember;
The burning of the People's Variety Theatre, in Bridge Place
Because the fire spread like lightning at a rapid pace.

The fire broke out on the stage, about eight o'clock,
Which gave to the audience a very fearful shock;
Then a stampede ensued, and a rush was made pell-mell,
And in the crush, trying to get out, many people fell.

The stage flies took fire owing to the gas
Not having room enough by them to pass;
And with his jacket Mr. Macaulay tried to put out the flame,
But oh! horrible to relate, it was all in vain.

Detective Innes, who was passing at the time of the fire,
Rendered help in every way the audience could desire,
By helping many of them for to get out,
Which was a heroic action, without any doubt.

Oh! it was a pitiful and fearful sight,
To see both old and young struggling with all their might,
For to escape from that merciless fire,
While it roared and mounted higher and higher.

Oh! it was horrible to hear the cries of that surging crowd,
Yelling and crying for "Help! help!" aloud;
While one old woman did fret and frown
Because her clothes were torn off when knocked down.

A lady and gentleman of the Music Hall company, Monti & Spry,
Managed to make their escape by climbing up very high
To an advertisement board, and smashing the glass of the fanlight,
And squeezed themselves through with a great fight.

But accidents will happen both on sea and land,
And the works of the Almighty is hard to understand;
And thank God there's only a few has fallen victims to the fire,
But I hope they are now in Heaven, amongst the Heavenly choir.

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: Amos
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 07:41 PM

OF all the wonders to be found on Earth
And many there are of great and certain worth
None is more a mystery than insanity,
WIlder than love and more harmful than mere inanity;

In light of which, we all well may wonder
Knowing that he does rend our minds asunder
And yet will never bravely and openly fault us,
Why does this man continue to assault us?

And not content to wreak a bloody ruction
Must make McGonagal his weapon of destruction!
It surely qualifies as madness thus one's friends to waste
Especially to do so in such execrable taste!

Thus let us all my friends, together join, in praying
That Little Hawk give o'er, and take up crocheting.
At least this would lead him toward productive ends,
And give him more than shattered, angry friends!

A

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 08:16 PM

Far be it from a man of lofty principle
To yield and give way imprudently
Before criticism neither just nor sensible
And given in a manner most unstudently

For ne'er was British soil gained
At the cost of bold British lives
By those who turned tail and cried "Refrain!"
Like a bunch of terrified alewives

Not this be the custom of the brave
Who stand midst the wrack and ruin
And shrink not from the chance of too close a shave
Like a small dog shrinks from an angry bruin

Nay, nay, for a Briton shall press, press on!
Till the prize of the battle is won
Not Amos, the devil, nor dread Babylon
Shall he fear till his job is done!

On, on! Glorious Albion! Into the breach!
Let Shatner be crown-ed as King
McGonagall then all our lessons to teach
As we rhyme words like "fling", "sting", and "ding"

The fact is, McGonagall is the Patrick Henry of Poetry, his motto being: "Give me Poetry or Give me Death!!!" And as for Shatner, he needs no defence. He is beyond evaluation or criticism by mere mortals.

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: Peace
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 08:18 PM

Truer words were never spoke. By either of you. Or by McGonagall.

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: Peace
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 08:35 PM

Thought this thread title said, "McGonagall's chronicle another disaster."

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 08:38 PM

Heh! Well, it could have been. But it only has 8 verses. McGonagall's real disasters usually go on for 16 or more verses.

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 08:44 PM

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, LH:

THE GREAT CHICAGO FIRE
by Julia Moore, The Sweet Singer of Michigan

The great Chicago Fire, friends,
    Will never be forgot;
In the history of Chicago
    It will remain a darken spot.
It was a dreadful horrid sight
    To see that City in flames;
But no human aid could save it,
    For all skill was tried in vain.

In the year of 1871,
    In October on the 8th,
The people in that City, then
    Was full of life, and great.
Less than four days it lay in ruins,
    That garden City, so great
Lay smouldering in ashes,
    In a sad and pitiful state.

It was a sad, sad scene indeed,
    To see the fire arise,
And hear the crackling of the flames
    As it almost reached the skies,
And sadder still, to hear the moans,
    Of people in the flames
Cry for help, and none could get,
    Ah, die where they remained.

To see the people run for life;
    Up and down the blazing streets,
To find then, their escape cut off
    By the fiery flaming sheets,
And others hunting for some friend
    That perhaps they never found,
Such weeping, wailing, never was known,
    For a thousands miles around.

Some people were very wealthy
    On the morning of the 10th.
But at the close of the evening,
    Was poor, but felt content,
Glad to escape from harm with life
    With friends they loved so well,
Some will try to gain more wisdom,
    By the sad sight they beheld.

Five thousand people were homeless,
    Sad wanderers in the streets,
With no shelter to cover them,
    And no food had they to eat.
They wandered down by the lake side,
    Lay down on the cold damp ground,
So tired and weary and homeless,
    So the rich, the poor, was found.

Mothers with dear little infants,
    Some clinging to the breast.
People of every description
    All laid down there to rest,
With the sky as their covering,
    Ah, pillows they had none.
Sad, oh sad, it must have been,
    For those poor homeless ones.

Neighboring Cities sent comfort,
    To the poor lone helpless ones,
And God will not forget them
    In all the years to come.
Now the City of Chicago
    Is built up anew once more,
And may it never be visited
    With such a great fire no more.

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 08:54 PM

Awe-inspiring. Julia Moore certainly must be numbered among the few Great Ones when it comes to this sort of thing.

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 08:56 PM

When LH has the gall to post McGonagall, I'll post more Moore.

You have been warned.

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: Peace
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 12:44 AM

I shall counter you both with, wait now, are you ready?

Edward Lear.

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, 'It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!'

There was an Old Man with a nose,
Who said, 'If you choose to suppose,
That my nose is too long,
You are certainly wrong!'
That remarkable Man with a nose.

. . . and there's LOTS more where that came from. Be warned.

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: Cluin
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 12:52 AM

You're dancing with your honey
Your nose is getting runny
Some people think it's funny
But it'snot.

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: GUEST,Boab
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 02:39 AM

Was he a genius or a clown---

"As I was walkin' down the road,
I met a coo-----a BULL b'Goad!!"


"Upon yon hill there stands a coo
It's no there noo--it must hae shiftit."


"The winds blew, the thunder rolled
The lichtnin flashed frae pole tae pole,
An' oor coo's tail stuck oot---like THAT!"

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 01:53 PM

Herre's McGonagall writing in Scots rather than English, and, surprise surprise, it's not bad, and I'd say quite simgable. It's a temperance song which is not teetotalitarian, which is a sensible enough position:

Here are we met, a very merry set,
And a jovial set of boys are we;
And we'll drink and sing an mak the tavern ring,
Owre a we drap o' the barley bree.
Chorus-- Sae we'll no get fou,
We'll no get fou,
For that wad spoil a' the spree;
Sae we'ill tak a wee drap,
And hae a social crack,
Owre a we drap o' the barley bree.

And as we've a' met thagether to hae a spree,
I houp nane o' us will disagree,
By getting owre fou, until we spu,
By taking owre muckle o' the barley bree.
Chorus-- Sae we'll no get fou,
We'll no get fou,
For that wad spoil a' the spree;
Sae we'ill tak a wee drap,
And hae a social crack,
Owre a we drap o' the barley bree.

I found that in this thesis about McGonagall - The Heroic Warrior, which sets out to put him in his context. An interesting read.

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 02:16 PM

Julia Moore is quite singable too, McGrath:

LEAVE OFF THE AGONY IN STYLE

Come all ye good people, listen to me, pray,
While I speak of fashion and style of today;
If you will notice, kind hearts it will beguile,
To keep in fashion and putting on style.

                  Chorus --

    Leave off the agony, leave off style,
    Unless you've got money by you all the while,
    If you'll look about you you'll often have to smile,
    To see so many people putting on style.


People in this country they think it is the best;
They work hard for money and lay it out in dress;
They think of the future with a pleasant smile,
And lay by no money while putting on style.

                  Chorus --

Some of the people will dress up so fine,
Will go out in company and have a pleasant time.
Will rob themselves of food, perhaps, all the while,
Sake of following fashions and putting on style.

                  Chorus --

I love to see the people dress neat and clean,
Likewise follow fashions, but not extremes;
Some friends will find it better in future awhile,
To lay by some money while putting on style.

                  Chorus --

Gentlemen on the jury decides the criminal's fate;
I pray you turn from wickedness before it is too late;
Sad, indeed, would be your friends to hear your name reviled,
Better be truly honest though putting on style.

                  Chorus --

    Leave off the agony, leave off style,
    Unless you've got money by you all the while.
    If you look about you you'll often have to smile,
    To see so many poor people putting on style.

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 07:16 PM

Which, I take it, is the origin of what became Putting on the Agony

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: GUEST,donuel
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 07:38 PM

Mc G is reknown as the worst poet in recorded history.
Interestingly enough when I posted his work on 2 poetry sites they were met with grand exclaim.

When I told them about McGonagle I was of course banned after 5 years of original contribution. It just goes to show you the insincerity and poor taste that pedestrian poets posess.

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 08:44 PM

I sort of suspect that Dame Julia borrowed the song for her poem, and not the other way around....

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 09:03 PM

The thing that people forget is that McGonagall, by putting these events in verse, has ensured, unlike the prose newspaper reports of his day, that they will never be forgotten. Rather fitting for a tragedy...

:-)

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 10:00 PM

I have forgotten them already, Robin. I am sure you are mistaken. What did you say this bad writer's name was?


A

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: Peace
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 10:03 PM

Mc Donagglale.

Subject: RE: BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 06:10 AM

Surely "McDoggeral".

The things about him is that, as Hamish Henderson pointed out, it's not at all easy to parody him. Almost inescapably, parodists will occasionally hit the note that McGonagall invariably swerves to miss.

But, borrowed from that Hamish Henderson essay, here is a piece that does hit that note - and it's not a parody of McGonagall, since it was written when he was six. It's a parody of the tradition of Irish street balladry from which McGonagall sprang (and which he diverted into something else):

The good sense of the Roman Catholics caused them to change their intentions of annoying with their complaints, the royal ear;
And they propos'd having a public dinner to celebrate the coronation, at which was expected the very best of good cheer;
Then an unexpected proosal came from the Protestants to the Catholics so very distinct and clear.
That all hostilities and jealousies should cease; and both parties assemble at dinner without any doubt or fear
At the celebration, celebration, oh! the wonderful celebration!

(From Irish Varieties" printed 1836 by J.D Herbert. The subject was George IV's state visit to Ireland in 1821.)