BS: Cross Dressing

Subject: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Davetnova
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 10:38 AM

I was cross dressing this morning. I couldn't find my socks, it was cold and just far too early to get up.

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 10:39 AM

Linda doesn't like me wearing her undies.

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 10:41 AM

It's funny how women don't want to share their undies but think nothing of appropriating almost all menswear except jockstraps.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Amos
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 10:44 AM

Actually, you could have the jockstrap too....for dancing to the Make-Believe Ballroom. Or as a yarmulke.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Davetnova
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 10:48 AM

I thought a jockstrap was a thong with a pocket.

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Cluin
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 10:52 AM

Heloo. Waht's crossdressnig then?

Izzat when you put the left sock on the right foot? Or you decide to dress on the left today instead of to the right as usual?

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 11:34 AM

Your socks are foot specific? Wow! Here in the States we still us the old "either foot" last to make our socks last. Boy oh boy, everyplace in the world is ahead of the US. I suspect a plot by the government.

Now, when I put both socks on the same foot I get cross, or put my pants on backwards, or try to pull my kilt on over my head.

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 11:42 AM

Pants on backwards is nostnap. That would make you cross, especially when you have to delve in a hurry and find no access.

How come Skipy hasn't found this thread?

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 12:27 PM

I was cross dressing because I couldn't find my clean shirt.

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: grumpy al
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 02:14 PM

cross dressing? to right nekid is far more comfy

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 02:21 PM

I've got used to it. Had to start dressing odd when the boss wouldn't let me in the office with the red waistcoat and green hat. Most of my family won't talk to me now though...

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 02:29 PM

so, if you try to mate Thousand Islands and Catalina, is that cross dressing?

B

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 05:28 PM

Cross Dressing! It's a rural religious ceremony isn't it - like Well Dressing!
Quack!!
GtD.

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 05:37 PM

I enjoy cross dressing. Boxer shorts are just so much more...ventilated...

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 05:42 PM

You know one of the pet hate of this 'ere Gnome? Buttons on underpants. I mean, for heavens sake - why make life more complicated than ot already is...

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 05:50 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 05:52 PM

Oopsies! What i meant to say was...oh, hell, i've forgotten...

I think my brain has come unbuttoned.

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 06:34 PM

I think I mean, er, yes, but it's alright.

That is I think I disagree.

Let me take your down, 'cause I'm going to.
Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real...

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 07:10 PM

My mama warned me about cross dressing. Like being agitated and putting my underpants on back to front - you know, brown on the front, yellow on the back (sorry freda). So I always make sure I am relaxed, and never cross, before I start dressing. Why, last week we had an argument at home that had me furious for days; but I remembered mama's words, and remained starkers.

Some might say bonkers.

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 07:50 PM

Think...William Shatner in a teddy...

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 08:35 PM

I knew this woman who was the daughter of an Albanian pants presser and a Yak saleman from Peoria who aspired to a stage career but couldn't catch a break. She had never been comfortable as a woman so she had a sex change. The happy by-product of this was that he/she was able to get a good job in a drag show.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 08:45 PM

I think that cross dressing is disgraceful. In my grandfather's day, all crosses were not dressed, but just left plain.

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 10:35 PM

I agree Foolestroupe. Perhaps you recall back about two years ago when we were trying to save khandu from the clutches of Joe Offer worship. My accidental dressing of the crosses turned out pretty bad.................................

Well it's over.......The first, and I hope last, Super Mind Altering and Semi-Patriotic Fireworks and Flaming Asshole Gala. I don't know why or how this stuff starts but anytime I use Cletus for anything, the one sure thing is that I'll end up with a long list of people wanting money from me. It started off so well............

The plan was simple. All we wanted to do was bring khandu back to his senses and knowing that a good cross burning might do the job, we started there. I mean hell, he's Mississippi boy and cross burning is a genetic trait. He had become a slave and a brown noser to, of all people, Joe Offer. Something had to be done. Somehow we got carried away. Tweed acquired through Bobertz, some Patty Poopchute and Harry Hardtool anatomically correct party dols and we thought we might possibly use them as well. It's my fault though.....Has anything ever gone right when Cletus, Paw, Buford, and the Reg boys are involved?

Paw went down to the lumber yard and liberated some skids and the Reg boys ripped them apart. The plan was to make 143 crosses with the skid wood and duct tape. Buford got involved and said the first one didn't look right to him. Why in the hell anything would look right to Buford is beyond me as the boy is always tanked up on Iron City and when he's not burping, he's whizzing on Mrs. Clanahan's peonies. But Paw agreed with him and they headed off to find a cross for a model. They ended up going to the Church of Evangelical Hollering and Tongue Talking Mohunkers where the good folks were happy to oblige. Of course the Rollers misunderstood the reasons here and, this being Good Friday and all, thought the crosses were being made for a religious ceremony and Paw told them to come by at 8 PM, or a little before so as to get a good seat. I wish he had told me........

About 3 PM the crosses were finished and the Boys started taking things up to the little picnic grove on 664 adjoining Ol' Man Rafferty's place. For all his faults, Rafferty is a religious old coot and was excited to see the crosses being erected on Good Friday. I guess he thought Cletus had turned over a new leaf. Paw went over to talk with him even though Rafferty still held him responsible for the destruction of his mailbox and a Buick hubcap after the Great Magnetic Ass-Healing Ring debacle. Paw commented on the new mailbox and hubcap while once again Rafferty was washing the aging Buick deuce and a quarter. Rafferty said he and his very religious wife would certainly be sitting out on their porch and it would be even better than going to Church as they had planned. Once again, I wish someone had told me..................

Since the Reg boys aren't any too talkative they were given the job of blowing up the Harry Hardtool dolls and stuffing their "tools" with Roman candles and bottle rockets (with whistle and report). It was a big job but they got it done. Meanwhile Cletus and Paw had filled the Patty Poopchute dolls with propane. They all worked together to drive the crosses into the ground and attached the Patty Poopchute dolls to the top. Cletus said they wouldn't be soaking the crosses in kerosene until just before they lit them which seemed okay to me.

I had arrived to check in on all of this at about 5:30 and truthfully, I was impressed at what they had accomplished! Now I knew that these good feelings were generally the portend of bad things to come, but the mind is a funny thing and we often forget the past in an effort to hold out hope for a new beginning. This seems to be what happened to me as I felt genuinely good about trying to bring this thing off and that perhaps, for once, Cletus, Paw, Buford, and the Reg boys may have gotten it right. Once again, I should have relied on past experience.............

The crosses were in the ground on a slight embankment with a propane filled Patty Poopchute mounted atop each one. Leaning against the embankment and in front of each were the Harry Hardtool dolls with their dorks pointing skyward and filled with Roman candles and bottle rockets (with whistle and report). This is a pretty conservative little place so I thought maybe the dolls would be better if they were covered or clothed and I ask the Boys to do so and they told me they'd do it....."No Problem Spaw." That should have clued me in but it didn't. My other suggestion was that because a light breeze had come up, it might be good to tie the Harry Hardtools to something so they didn't blow away. Again, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking..................

I should now take this chance to thank those who so valiantly helped in this and I want to extend my thanks to them for their part in trying to save Brother khandu. Carol, Tweed, Young Will, even Bobertz.......You all did your jobs and performed magnificently. I cannot thank you enough and to prove it, I have kept your part in this as well as your names out of the Sheriff's report. Additionally, you are free to disavow any knowledge of me or that you were ever even within a hundred miles of here. You have to admit though, it was one helluav' show!

On the chance that we might need the services of the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed, I asked for the Insanevac Chopper to be standing by. I spent the next few hours at home with Karen and the kids, eating supper and coloring Easter Eggs. When I heard the sound of the chopper I realized that several hours had passed and I was almost late for the show. I leashed up the two Weimaraners and headed for the park. Karen and the kids wanted to go but I suggested they stay home in case something went awry. This was the only good decision I made in the entire day. Besides, the "Royal Forkers" khandu had sent to surround my house had instead turned out to "mortar forkers" and had just completed the new barbeque out back and were busy working on a smokehouse. I told Karen it was better for her to keep an eye on them to be sure they were working according to plan. With Jaeger and Sissy happy to be going for a walk, I headed for the gala event.

When I arrived, a few things caught my eye right away, but it was too late to turn back. First, each Patty Poopchute doll had a purple robe like affair on them. I realized right away that the material had come from a hot air balloon that Cletus and Paw had accidentally shot down a few years ago (that's another story). Sitting atop the crosses in their purple robes, they were really quite attractive. Additionally, the Harry Hardtool dolls all were wrapped about waist with old towels in a loincloth sort of get-up. To keep the Harry dolls in place, they had tied each wrist to something or another which left their arms outstretched. Also, out front of everything was the biggest Dago Bomb I ever saw. It turns out Cletus and the Boys had bought it down in Tennessee on one of their trips south to a festival where they had contracted for the porta-potty business with their company, "Crappers on Casters." And....they had been good enough to park one of their C on C's about 50 feet to the left, over toward Rafferty's place. I stood for a moment and took it all in. Suddenly it hit me. In the purple robes and loincloths, with the outstretched arms and crosses, this looked like some Christian tableau from Hell! There they were, 143 Virgin Marys, atop 143 crosses, with 143 Jesus Christs below! My mind went numb as I began to realize that somehow this extravaganza was not going to go well at all.............

Before I could utter a word I saw Ol' Man Rafferty and his wife on their porch in prayer. About then the Church Bus bearing the members of the Church of Evangelical Hollering and Tongue Talking Mohunkers arrived in the grove. They literally ran off the bus dropping to their knees. I tell you they went down faster than a cheap whore on a Liberian tanker. I was rapidly becoming almost paralyzed. I couldn't speak although I wanted to scream. The main thing I wanted to scream was "NO" but the best that came from my throat was a tiny croak like a dying frog with laryngitis. Not over yet though................

Tweed drove a van in and he and Carol emerged from the front with a look of trepidation on their faces as they took in the scene before them. Wrongly figuring that I had this planned, they opened the back doors and Will and Bobertz hopped out. They all four then removed khandu. Okay, it wasn't their fault they had to subdue him...I know that. And frankly it was very creative the way they had wrapped him up in duct tape from head to foot with only his eyes looking out. Even from where I was I could see he was mad. But I still thought that this cross burning gone haywire might cure him of his shameless brown nosing of Joe Offer. But the way he was wrapped reminded the church folk of Jesus in the tomb I guess, with the duct tape as a sticky Shroud of Turin. In any case they turned and started praying in that direction also. Tweed, Carol, Will, and Bobertz, were busy propping khandu up so he could see when I noticed that the Reg boys were liberally soaking the crosses and the ground in between with kerosene. I had to stop this...............

Cletus and Paw were all smiles, quite proud of what they had done and when I came stammering up to them they were a bit confused. I tried to somehow make them see what I saw but it wasn't working because my mind was moving faster than my mouth and these guys were never too sharp on the best of days. Each of the Weims was licking one of Paw's hands when I finally got through a bit to Cletus. After listening to the whole thing he said, "Don't worry Catspaw, even I know that Jesus had blonde hair and that guy don't look nothin' like him." This made no sense and once again I was so dumbstruck I was speechless. Cletus capped that with, "Besides look how happy Jaeger and Sissy are!" After what seemed like an hour, but was probably only a few seconds of pondering that inanity, I blurted, "You stupid shit!! They're fucking DOGS!!!!" This didn't bother ol' Clete in the least and he and Paw walked off happily to get the show started. I swear to you all, I would have done anything to stop it, but the whole thing had moved not only beyond my control but into another dimension as well. From this point on, it seemed as though I watched what happened as a sort of out of body experience; just a casual observer noting the events unfolding.

In a scene like none imagined by Machiavelli it all began. Paw bent over by the crosses and flared off a monster fart. The flame shot across to the nearest cross, much like what happened in their Christmas tree disaster, and within seconds, 143 crosses were burning brightly. Cletus ran to the front and lit the monster Dago Bomb. There was one more realization to go though. Turns out they had tied the wrists of the Harry/Jesus dolls to the ankles of the Patty/Virgin Mary dolls which explained the outstretched arms. This realization only came to me as the flames ignited Patty/Mary's poopchute where the plastic was thinnest and melted first. The propane ignited and up they went......each dragging a Harry/Jesus behind. Maybe halfway to the top of their trajectory the flames ignited the Roman candles and bottle rockets in the Harry/Jesus dicks.

I gotta' tell y'all........It was a sight to behold. 143 Virgin Marys launched off of flaming crosses with their assholes trailing flame while 143 Jesus Christs ascended behind them, twirling gaily with their cocks spouting red, white, and blue balls and rockets (with whistle and report) screaming off in all directions followed by a series of bangs. Simply amazing. The church members lost all control and began flopping around on the ground, talking in tongues, and generally having a pretty good time. Rafferty's wife on the other hand seemed to be having a possible heart attack. But it gets worse..........

Cletus was so shocked at the sudden ignition of the crosses that in trying to get away from the Dago Bomb he knocked it on it's side. A massive fireball shot out and smashed underneath the porta-potty. Obviously they hadn't cleaned it or something and the methane fumes had built up. The crapper shot skyward too and the methane must have been in prodigious quantities as the fiery outhouse travelled over a mile before crashing through the roof of the condom factory, setting it ablaze. Several explosions have come from that direction and a paramedic attending Mrs. Rafferty said that a vat of latex had blown and completely covered the Church of Evangelical Hollering and Tongue Talking Mohunkers which is located just across the street.

The missing outhouse now opened the range and the Dago Bomb fired off another even more monstrous ball of fire. This time the charge landed underneath Ol'Man Rafferty's Buick and it blew up right there in his driveway. About this time the cops showed up and an ambulance was called for Mrs. Rafferty. Tweed, Carol, Bobertz, and Will were shell shocked as I was, but what was really important to us was our friend Ken. Had we brought him back? We quickly ripped the duct tape off removing small portions of skin and hair in the process. The church folks were gathering up the tape remnants which I suppose they think are now Holy Relics. I dunno' what the hell they're going to think when they arrive back at their church....which should be about now.

Khandu lay on the gurney and the anger was gone from his eyes. As a matter of fact, everything was gone from his eyes! He was completely catatonic. We loaded him aboard the NYCFTTS Insanevac Chopper for a trip to the new wing where the James Taylor Rehab Unit on Catatonic Blandness is located. We can just hope I guess.......

As for me, I foresee a long night of police and fire reports, possible fines, lawyer fees, and threats of incarceration, racing around my brain. Sweet Jesus, I need some drugs..............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Pogo
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 10:44 PM

*tries to think of William Shatner in a teddy*

*gets distracted look on face*

*eye twitches*

Gahhh...

No...no. There are some things the human mind simply cannot comprehend...

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 26 Nov 04 - 06:38 AM

How about a teddy (bear that is) in the likeness of William Shatner. As for Shatner in a teddy, bra and pants is as much as the average human can take. Klingons on the other hand......

Always wondered about Klingons. What kind of mind names a racial group after the debris that attaches itself to arse hairs.

Beam me up Sooty.

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: freda underhill
Date: 26 Nov 04 - 07:05 AM

Now this is a true story, and it happened to me. (ps names have been changed ..)

Once upon a time, i was cooking for three hungry kids and a hungry man. The phone rang, i answered it.

"Hello, can i speak to Freda please" (imagine a voice a bit like Marg Simpson).

"speaking"

"My name is Prudence Forsyth, and I am a friend of Jonathon's. Ive just arrived at sydney airport, and i was wondering if i can come and stay with you for a while."

Freda thinks. has never met Marjorie, or even heard of her before. remembers last three friends of Jonathon's who came to stay, how they stayed for two decades, ate her out of house and home, and forgot to put the toilet seat down.

"Sorry Marjorie, I've got a full house right now, if youre a friend of Jonathon's, why dont you stay with him"

Nervous silence.. "Oh, alright then"

some time later Freda runs into her old mate Harry. Harry is 4 foot 11, frail, and has a walking stick, as a result of a shocking accident he was in a few years earlier. Though quite frail, and in pain from horrific damage done in the accident, Harry is always confident, happy and optimistic.

" hi Freda, I hear you gave Marjorie the big A. dont you like trannies?"

Freda: "What? who is she?"

Harry: "She's Jonathon's dad Mervyn. She stayed with me, I went to pick her up at the airport. She had 32 suitcases full of clothes and makeup, and made me carry them all"

Freda (thinks.....Jonathon's dad Mervyn... thoughts go back 25 years to Tasmania- remembers Mervyn, a strapping 6'5" muscular bloke with a goatee, who used to beat up his lovely wife Joyce)

Freda (pictures frail little Harry limping along with 32 suitcases on his back... ) what she like now?

Harry: She rolled up in a pastel twinset, (cardigan n top) and pearls, tartan skirt with a below the knee hemline, and court shoes with quite a high heel. So, probably around 6'7" now. Nice wavy brown hair, perm, well made up.

Freda: How long did she stay?

Harry: its been seven months now, and she won't carry out the garbage or do any heavy work. says thats for the man of the house..

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: freda underhill
Date: 26 Nov 04 - 07:07 AM

oops, marjorie, prudence, prudence, marjorie.. sorry folks!

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 26 Nov 04 - 07:12 AM

I knew a Harold who became a Heather - Didn't look too bad to a blind man on a flying horse but gave the whole illusion away whan he carried on smoking his old pipe!

Honest!

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 26 Nov 04 - 09:20 AM

I know a lady, friend of a friend, who was very glad that her transvestite husband left her. She got to keep all his clothes and shoes which were much nicer and fitted better than her own. She's very tall with large feet.

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Michael
Date: 26 Nov 04 - 01:56 PM

When I worked in the Theatre I came across quite a few cross dressers and one or two that were quite nice people too.

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 27 Nov 04 - 12:33 PM

"My friend George was a drag queen called Nancy"

Subject: RE: BS: Cross Dressing
From: GUEST,Obie
Date: 27 Nov 04 - 12:53 PM

If you go here you will find a great song on the subject called Close Shave by Bob Bickerton. The site has lyrics and an MP3. It is one of the best songs that I have heard lately.
Obie.

http://www.chivalry.com/cantaria/lyrics/close_shave.html