BS: Every primate should know about 999!

Subject: BS: Every primate should know about 999!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 03:47 PM

That's right. Most people are unaware that thousands of innocent young apes and monkeys are lured off each year in the USA and other supposedly "free and enlightened" modern societies...to become the hapless victims of reseach labs, vivisectionists, aphrodisiac dealers, circuses, unlicensed zoos, and just plain perverts! (Not to mention, professional primate haters and human supremacists.)

The usual method employed is the offering of free bananas, mangos, and other tropical fruits. The young primate is lured into the criminal's car and then spirited off to some hideous fate!

It is the nature of inexperienced apes and monkeys to naively trust the offer of free food from strangers. Despite efforts at consciousness-raising by those of us who have been around and know the score, our youngsters keep falling prey to these common ploys.

Well, now there is a special emergency line devoted to dealing with this problem. Dial 999 and you are immediately connected with the primate-related vice squad of your local police. All young apes and monkeys must be made aware of this immediately and supplied with cellphones and taught how to use them! Only prompt action will prevent further tragedy.

Tell everyone you know about 999 and save a young ape or monkey now!

- Chongo Chimp

Subject: RE: BS: Every primate should know about 999!
From: GUEST,Miss Chippy, a challenged chimp
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 04:05 PM

Thank you, thank you, Chongo! We need a digital response to help save us from a fate worse than death. Last thing I heard my mother say was "Goodbye, Mistress Chips."

Subject: RE: BS: Every primate should know about 999!
From: Peace
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 04:06 PM

I think 999 is the emergency response number in the UK. Anyone know for sure?

Subject: RE: BS: Every primate should know about 999!
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 04:26 PM

It is. Fire, police and ambulance...no chimp division.

Subject: RE: BS: Every primate should know about 999!
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 05:17 PM

Just say NO!

Subject: RE: BS: Every primate should know about 999!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 05:29 PM

That's my cousin, Alex. Nice mug shot, huh?

Subject: RE: BS: Every primate should know about 999!
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 05:37 PM

Every human should know about 2012

Subject: RE: BS: Every primate should know about 999!
From: GUEST,Tang The Orangutan
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 05:39 PM

I wish I had known about this when I was a free swinging Orangutan back home. I miss the parties we would have. Our social mixers consisted of such time honoured games like Hide the Banana or Flea Dunking contests. The women loved the flea dunking contests. Us males would put our heads in their laps and try to eat the most fleas. Those women always got real excited about that game. Then came the human men. It started innocent. My brother Chang one day brought a male human to one of our parties. His name was Allan Quartermain. I think he was a soap opera star. Anyways, He brought Mr. Quartermain and Quartermain seemed a really decent fellow, for a human. You know those humans, they are real savages. Though they do have some really fine women...hmmmm mmm. Well, then Quartermain wanted to invite some friends of his and so we let him. Those friends offered to show us around the cities if we ever went touring and offerred us free room and board and even a free flight. Like, naive little Chimps, we agreed. It was the worst mistake in my life. I was sent to a research facility where they had me mate with all sorts of things, in an attempt to cross breed. I even had a few a children. I remember they once had me mate with an ass. I had a son that time.   We called him George. They took him away from us and sent him to some research lab in Crawford, Texas. The poor ass was never the same after that. I think her name was Barbara. I can't remember. Anyways, eventually I was sent to a zoo, to live with other apelike creatures. They had parties there too, but they were as exciting as a GOP Convention. So I introduced the aforementioned games and taught them how to ferment bananas to get drunk and now the parties are wild. We even started our own house band. It was called the Swinger's Club. We weren't any good, but we enjoyed doing it. Anywasy now, since I escaped the zoo, I have been living along the Pacific Coast, enjoying my time as a free Orangutan. I have been consumed by the writing bug, and have been writing my own memoirs and stories, even a song or two. I still miss the jungles of home though.

Subject: RE: BS: Every primate should know about 999!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 06:00 PM

I feel for ya, Tang! I know how them childhood traumas can weigh on yer mind later in life. I am figurin' on a trip back to Africa one day to rediscover my "roots". Maybe you oughta think about a similar trip to Borneo or Malaysia or wherever it was you came from. Us apes gotta stick together, Tang, cos it's a jungle out there. A human jungle.

Subject: RE: BS: Every primate should know about 999!
From: Dead Horse
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 08:02 PM

999 (UK) is for Fire, Police, Ambulance AND Coastguard!
Now you may re-name yerself Blissfully Aware :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Every primate should know about 999!
From: Amergin
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 02:32 AM

Chongo's and Tang's stories they bring tears to my eyes. I can't even imagine the pain you all have gone through...as a human I am most ashamed.

Subject: RE: BS: Every primate should know about 999!
From: GUEST,JeanieKoala
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 03:29 AM

Nathan, I never realised u were human .......what a surprise.




*just kidding about*

Subject: RE: BS: Every primate should know about 999!
From: HuwG
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 07:44 AM

Dead Horse wrote,

"999 (UK) is for Fire, Police, Ambulance AND Coastguard!"

... AND Mountain Rescue !

Subject: RE: BS: Every primate should know about 999!
From: GUEST,Tang The Orangutan
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 03:38 PM

That is so true, Chongo. We should stick together. I have been thinking about going home, but I am just afraid that everyone I have known and loved there will be gone.

Jeaniekoala, so, you like animals do you? Are you really a koala bear, or are you one of those perverted Humans witha taste for raw animal sex? Either way just let me know. I am always looking for a lovely female to spend some time with. Maybe we can play Hide the Banana or have our own private Flea Dunking contest. ;) hmmm, I wonder if we had children what would they look like.