BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern

Subject: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 04 May 05 - 09:32 AM

In Honour of MOAB'S birthday May 5th and also Mother's Day (May 8th this year) the Tavern is open.

The front door of course is conveniently located for ALL mudcatters (one of the beauties of this virtual tavern) and the East door is currently located in the Grand Tetons, the Western door opens onto a lovely little coral atoll in the South Pacific with an enclosed lagoon, sandy beach and tropical flowers in abundance. The southern door for some wierd reason opens into Stilly River Sage's back yard (mind the poisen ivy!) and of course 'Spaw's DOOR OF DOOM is boarded over to prevent use. The northern door opens onto Little Bear Creek "between Laramie and Boulder, where the yellow flowers are firing up in the Spring, and the nodding grasses whisper in the sunset"

No jello pit by MOAB's special request - but Bee-Dubya-Ell has promised blueberries from the 2007 crop (by special arrangement with the Time Lords) and rumour has it that there are single malts begging to be tasted.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 May 05 - 09:34 AM

Leo, are you proposing a roll in the blueberries?!?!?!?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 04 May 05 - 09:44 AM

*blush* not in front of MOM!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 May 05 - 10:37 AM

Sage walks to the door of the tavern and sees a monitor over by the bar staggering under the weight of the thread it is attempting to download. It looks like the whole MOAB thread is trying to arrive via that link! "That'll scare anyone off if the poison ivy doesn't," she thinks to herself. This might be a tidier way to visit the MOAB (just click on the last page). "Me, I'm going to head out of my back yard, back into the tavern and over to that atoll." (It's raining in the Texas backyard this morning.)

Ah--I see my Negra Modelo is chilling in ice, and I brought along some of my home-made guacamole since it looks like a good day (at the atoll) to sit in the shade and drink beer and munch chips. And tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo--a big date here in Texas, and much bigger in Mexico. (It's the day a small Mexican army whupped a big French army in Puebla in 1862.)

Good day to start a party! Here in Texas it will from from Thursday through Sunday at least! Happy Birthday Momma MOAB!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 04 May 05 - 10:40 AM

oops! But heck - it's only 7600 plus posts!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 May 05 - 10:47 AM

(Sounds great but the Grand "Breasts" are actually NORTH of Laramie and Boulder, so you must've already had a few when you posted, eh, MMariodarlin'?) **BG**

Have fun,

luvyakat

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 04 May 05 - 10:51 AM

since when have the doors around here opened in any logi-hic-al order? I just swept the mess and opened the place up.

The problem may have been my caffiene levels have fallen too low.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 May 05 - 10:58 AM

LOL! Well it was nice to wake up to, anyway. T'anks, dahlin'...:-) Bert's credit card still in order?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 04 May 05 - 11:04 AM

Bert's credit card still plugged in and still solvent!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 May 05 - 11:08 AM

Oh, yes, and they upped Bert's limit this year, did you notice?

A duck drifts by in the gently lapping waters of the atoll beach, and a couple of 'catters are out wading. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 04 May 05 - 11:30 AM

Have you noticed all the seashells on the beach? I found this one and THIS one.

I thought this might look good as a centerpiece. and maybe use this for a spittoon?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 12:05 PM

I would greatly appreciate a LARGE Talisker, please. About a liter. And three (3) regularily-sized ice cubes.

Thank you.

Aren't the mountains lovely?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,boozetender
Date: 04 May 05 - 12:15 PM

Have a quart of Talisker, that okay?

that will be 42 cents for the Talisker, and 199.31 each for the three ice cubes. Your total is $598.35. Shall I put it on Mr. Hansell's Simollian Card?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: artbrooks
Date: 04 May 05 - 01:28 PM

The time machine is operating today? Ahhhhh...good. Could I have a pitcher of Ballard Bitter, please? And a large bowl of no-salt, no-carbs, no-fat, no food value whatever...but taste just like the real thing...potato chips?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 May 05 - 01:32 PM

A UPS truck arrives at the Southeastern door and the driver bounds* into the Tavern carrying a large box. "Got a boxful of spats here for someone!" he cries out, "And there's a box of silver-tipped walking canes and a box of silk tophats still on the truck. Somebody wanna gimme a hand?"


Bounding is the required mode of movement for UPS drivers. Shuffling is frowned upon and mosying is a guaranteed pinkslip.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 May 05 - 01:42 PM

You got that right on UPS drivers! They're tops* in their field.

*This is in contrast to Airborne Express drivers, who have perfected the "fragile carton drop kick" delivery technique.

Rapaire, did you notice the nice shells over there outside your door?

Ya know, we need some spicy hot chili to go with all of this beer and chips and aguacate. And some fajitas. Are you planning to grill some skirt steaks, MMario? What creature will provide them?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 04 May 05 - 02:07 PM

I didn't know tophats were made in silk. I thought they were a place in the bible. learn something new everyday!

Who wanted the Transubtantive Potato Chips? I like the packaging - especially the "any literal content is illusion, as is life" motto.

Well - I had a nice dinosaur picked out to make fajitas from - but someonething stole the carcasse and buried the skeleton up in South Dakota.

But there's a guy in Japan who claims to have crossed jellyfish with giant clams, which produced offsring with two meter hemisperical "skirts" of muscle - not counting the tentacles! Suppose those would work.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 04 May 05 - 02:08 PM

hey Bee-Dubya! where are the berries?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 02:17 PM

Better those shells than these.

He has no weapons, just a gentelman's rapier and dagger, and a knife and spoon with which to eat.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 May 05 - 03:01 PM

Hmmm. I think I could go for some plain ol' Angus beef this time round. What say we charge a couple of Bert's card?

Here's a sample of what I heard MMario listening to in the kitchen while he cooks.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST
Date: 04 May 05 - 03:16 PM

sure thang! Grass fed okay?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 May 05 - 03:50 PM

Is it safe to come out of the bathroom now? Been in here a while and it's starting to get tedious.....

Line me up with a chocolate genever please!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 03:53 PM

Mmmmmmm...grass fat steers! Mmmmmmmmmmm...got any buffalo too? (Vegetarians and vegans please note: no animals are either used or harmed in any way in MOAB's celebrations. Eat up -- they're not meat unless you want them to be.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 May 05 - 03:57 PM

"ONE...TWO...KICK....TURN
ONE...TWO...KICK...TURN"
A woman dressed as a large lobster struts her stuff up to the bar, gently places a pudgy calico cat with an attitude on the stool next to hers and demands a huge JD on the rocks with a twist.

"Let the games begin!. The rest of the New England contingent is somewhere behind me. They were side tracked by Seamus and a fire hydrant. So nice to attend a party I don't have to clean up after. Pass the berries please and some of those imaginary chips. Alice will take a salmon steak and the sexy UPS man."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: darkriver
Date: 04 May 05 - 03:58 PM

Rapaire,

I'll take your suggestion as our reality, then.

And what sight could be more awesome than a vast herd of shaggy Tofulo stretching across the plain, with some lovely volunteers ambling in join the barbecue as guests of honor? (a brief chorus of "I am weary; I must rest.")

Bartender, an espresso stout!
Thanks.

doug

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,Barkeep's # 1 assistant
Date: 04 May 05 - 04:03 PM

Now Hear This!

I ain't servin' no food or drinks unlessn' you get that cat cloaca offa this year bar now! No duck butts, no cat butts, no frog butts on my clean bar! Can't you see I cleaned it up special just for this year party?

Thank you very much. Now what kind of drink would you be having, miss?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,beertender
Date: 04 May 05 - 04:08 PM

da nada!

besides Prime Tofullo we have Breast of Chickpea-hen; Planked fillet of fresh caught Sockeye Soylmen.

I do caution you not to try to pet the Tufullo that are passing by though - they have quite a tempah!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 May 05 - 04:09 PM

Hmmm. I guess he means the barstools also.

Sins, is your calico here for the beer, the food, the dancing, or to chase ducks?

Have some guacamole.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 05:15 PM

Over in the corner, near where the Christmas Tree is annually destroyed, he places his gift to MOAB: a large box, wrapped in gayily colored paper and sporting a large fuscia bow. On it, there is a card that reads To MOAB, from your most beloved child, Happy Birthday and Happy, Happy Mother's Day.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 May 05 - 06:20 PM

Mom doesn't like you best! She said she loves all of us equally! Amos and RR and I all heard her say so!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: jacqui.c
Date: 04 May 05 - 06:52 PM

Ok, got Seamus past the five fire hydrants and lord knows how many trees. I'll have a nice cold Chardonay and Seamus will eat anything going. The Cap'n should be here soon so put a couple of lobsters on to cook please and don't forget the melted butter!

(I'm looking forward to watching barkeep's assistant trying to remove Alice's butt from the counter - I know who I'd put money on. SINS - you should have let Ed come along too - that would really do it!)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 May 05 - 07:48 PM

Better not tell JenEllen it's Korean Pup for sup!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Amos
Date: 04 May 05 - 08:12 PM

Or any kind of Angus. He may be ripe, but he ain't that ripe!!

Give me some psychic lineament for my weary soul, Barkeep -- something strong in spirits. And a large mug of old brown to wash it down!! Gawd, I hate bureaucracy!!! Didn't this nation used to have a soul???? Don't get me started.

Here's to our fair mother, the Fairest of All Mothers, the MOAB, who loves us all equally and leaves her money to me.

And some for RR and Stilly and MM and not for Rapaire because he would just spend it on swords and guns.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: rumanci
Date: 04 May 05 - 08:14 PM

Barkeep ?    Don't these poor hard workers catering to your every need deserve a name ???
LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: jacqui.c
Date: 04 May 05 - 08:29 PM

Well, if they would introduce themselves we'd call 'em by name.... or something....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,Gluon the Duck-Dog
Date: 04 May 05 - 08:31 PM

QUARK!!!!*



*Gluon's entire vocabulary consists of the word "QUARK!!!!", but it can mean many things depending on the tone in which it is spoken. In this case, it means, "Hey! There's a cat on the bar with the same name as my asshole!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 May 05 - 08:44 PM

Oh! The blueberries! I shipped them by UPS Next-Day. Are you sure they're not here?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: jacqui.c
Date: 04 May 05 - 08:47 PM

Quark was the name of the Ferenghi barman in Deep Space Nine - looking at the bartender I'm beginning to see a resemblance. Just take away the blond wig (it's got to be a wig, surely!)......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: rumanci
Date: 04 May 05 - 08:48 PM

btw
as it is the right day here

Happy Birthday MOAB

may you have many more ......blueberries or no blueberries

and I'll have a large Woods please .......cheers Bert !

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,Office of the Space-Time Continuum Police
Date: 04 May 05 - 08:59 PM

To whom it may concern:

It has been called to our attention that the establishment known as the "Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern" is in violation of numerous laws governing the Space-Time Continuum. The noted violations are as follows:

1) Unauthorized use of timewarps to serve blueberries from the 2007 crop of one "Bee-dubya-ell".

2) Unauthorized use of spatial folding, stapling and mutilating apparatus so as to have the establishment's various doors open onto exotic locations. The only locations onto which the Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern's doors are authorized to open are Indianapolis, Toledo (Ohio, not Spain) Detroit and Newark.

3) Failure to have a jello pit on the premises as required by Article 73, Subsection 2376A.

4) Having a band of middle-aged men dressed only in spats and tophats play "Happy Birthday" at extremely loud volume on various Strats and Les Pauls while using every cheesey electric guitar effect ever conceived.*


*What? You say you haven't seen any nearly nude guitar-slingers wearing tophats and spats? Hah! Just wait!

________________________________________________________

To whom it may concern: We the undersigned do hereby authorize and condone all sub-space and space-time continium, para-universal and multi-temporal aspects of the psuedo-location known in commonality as the "MudCat Tavern" in this current, its prior and any possible future incarnations.

(signed)

OZMANDIUS - Ruler of the Universe
The Galactic Overlord
Mentor
YWHV
The Shambles
Mrs. Oscar Gordon (aka the Empress of the Known Universes)
Zues et al
The Time Lords (including but not limited to) Dr. Who, Dr. Who, Dr. Who, Dr. Who, Dr. Who, Dr. Who, Dr. Who, Dr. Who, Dr. Who

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 May 05 - 09:35 PM

Alice spies the DogDuck, sniffs, and is instantly "in love" AGAIN. The mailman is on vacation, so any port in a storm.
She sidles up, sniffs his butt, ignores the foul mouthed human attempting to dislodge her from the bar, and plops down cuddly in his way. "MEOWWW" she purrs and looks beguilingly into his eyes while side stepping a bar rag and pissing on its owner's hand. "Hi sailor. Looking for a good time?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 09:58 PM

He looks over the pile of gifts for Mother, which is growing larger with every passing minute.

Turning, he spies the Police notice, walks over, rips it to shreds, and shouts at the top of his voice (which really isn't very loud at the moment)

“Forget it,
coppers!
Anachronistic
anarchy rules,
time is a myth
foisted onto
the
proletariat
by the fat cat
bosses!! Arise,
you
downtrodden!
You have
nothing to
lose but your
chains!
Revolution
now!!!!”

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 May 05 - 10:15 PM

[Sage sighs]

I just love it when he does that WordPerfect html stuff!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 10:48 PM

The shouting is too much for his poor tortured throat, and he breaks into a coughing fit. Not to worry about the Time Cops -- they don't want his germs anymore than he does.

Just to be certain, just to be sure, he looses his rapier in its scabbard and draws it out about six centimeters. Suddenly the joint is filled with the most wonderful song, song that would make the zephyrs that ply the forests or the very angels in heaven envious --

I was layin' round town in a house of ill fame,
Laid up with a rough, tough hustlin' dame,
When a hop-headed pimp with his nose full of coke
Beat me outta that woman and left me stone broke....

And the realization bursts on everyone that this, THIS, is the famous Bawdy Ballad Blade, the Legendary Singing Steel of Lusty Lyrics, and they need have no fear of the Time Cops, none at all.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 May 05 - 11:12 PM

Sage hums Oh, that Strawberry Roan. . . which reminds me--do we have the makings for shortcake back there in the kitchen or maybe for a buffet? No? oh, well, then give me another Negra Modelo please.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 May 05 - 11:15 PM

I know nothing about electric guitarists wearing only spats and tophats planning to crash Mom's party. Honest.

By the way, there's a Fedex Freight truck at the East door with a bunch of big boxes that say "Marshall" on them. Should I sign for them?


Anyway, here's a song for Mom on her birthday.

"M" is for the "m" that's not in "aardvark".
"O" is for the "o" not in "migraine".
"A" is for the "a" that's not in "onion".
"B" is for the "b" not in "ptomaine".

Put them all together, they spell "MOAB",
The Mother Of All BS Threads she's called.
'Cause if "em-oh-ay-bee" did not spell "MOAB",
It wouldn't spell a Goddamned thing at all.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 May 05 - 12:05 AM

Reprising a very funny episode in MOAB history makes Mom feel good. Thank you, BWL. You're a good son. When people get a bit drunker looser maybe someone will read your story about the two dogs to us. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 05 May 05 - 07:26 AM

Har!* We are Ralphs. Har! Ralphs heard that stupid human creatures are having a party for the one they call MOAB. Har! Ralphs didn't think humans would be able to thoroughly enjoy themselves without a little annoyance to go along with the festivities. Har! Well, here it is! Har!

Har! Barkeep! Har! You still got some of that Giant Squid around here? Har! See if you can use some of it to whip up one of those things they serve in that little bar out near the Pleiades! Har!


*Ralphs are the most annoying race in the known Universe. They invariably shout "Har!" after each sentence. It really starts to get on people's nerves after a short while. The populations of entire planets have been known to pack their bags and head for greener pastures instead of sharing their planet with a handful of Ralphs.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 05 May 05 - 08:45 AM

Happy Birthday MOAB-Mom! Sorry about the ralphs. They weren't invited, honest - but you know that if we tried to get rid of them they'd only get more annoying.

GLUON!

If you are going to do THAT with Alice - go in the back room! I hope you weren't planning on kissing MOM with that tongue! *shudder*
swapping spit is one thing...swapping hairballs is just GROSS!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 05 May 05 - 09:20 AM

Hello. We're simply sending a message. We're not really here. Just like every civilized race we won't have a thing to do with those (shudder!) Ralphs.

Did you know that they are the only race ever to be declared anathema and expelled from the Great Intergalactic Council of Sentient Species simply because they exist? That wasn't even done with the Whorlies, who used to exploded inhabitated planets "just for kicks, ya know?" That they have been denied permission to have any dealings at all with other civilized races? (Of course, that's only civilized races, so your race doesn't count.)

Anyway, we wanted to with your m/paternal source of cybergenetic material a joy-filled origination moment.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 May 05 - 09:21 AM

So I guess I get to stay here a bit longer then..... can someone pass me another book please?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,beertender
Date: 05 May 05 - 09:51 AM

MZ Squeek - I can't seem to fit your book into a glass. May I blenderize it for easier consumption? And did you want that on the rocks or straight up?


Is there someone here named Bee-El? (Sounds like a relative of Stuporman!) There's a package here for you and they want to pay us a fee for retroactive shipment! Shall I accept the package and the fee?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 05 May 05 - 10:06 AM

I'd avoid the package that the freds dropped off for MOAB - aside from the fact that it appears to be breathing - it looks like it may have teeth as well.

and if I may ask -

WHO FILLED THE JELLO PIT WITH DRAWN BUTTER!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 May 05 - 10:20 AM

As long as you leave that pit over in Wyoming's doorway I don't mind. But the electric utility folks park at the bottom of my driveway to do their meter reading on this block, and if they have to slip and slide around the jello pit, they may accidentally (on purpose) misread my meter.

But wait--MMario, are you sure that's drawn butter? It looks a little too thick, and it's so sweet--you know, I have a sneaking suspicion that it isn't butter, it's honey! Ewwww. . . and over there in Wyoming, why, you're liable to have the modern equivalent of the La Brea Tar Pits--honey with bison and Dahl sheep stuck in it. And, oh! Look! It's an Atwater prairie chicken right at the edge. If that guy goes in we'll have to send someone in to rescue it. Prairie chickens are endangered wildlife!

Pull up a lawn chair, this might get interesting. Anyone want more chips? It's cinco de Mayo--great day for a party, Mother MOAB.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 May 05 - 11:26 AM

I am afraid I must spend the next few days in the wilds near Birmingham, Alabama trying to make some money and will, thusly, not be able to participate further in the festivities. Ya'll have fun.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST
Date: 05 May 05 - 11:41 AM

A Unitarian stumbles in and is speechless, unhinged for an unknown spacetime quantity at the now-you-see-it/now-you-don't astral qualities of the Jello Pit.... relativism unchecked has finally gone critical.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 May 05 - 04:07 PM

Blueberries begin to bob up to the top of the pond of honey.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 May 05 - 04:27 PM

heh heh...just the tiniest introduction of supersaturated sugar and BOOM! the jello pit is now a pool of congealed honey with berries caught in the miasma. Alice, miffed at the hairball reference, smugly returns to the bar only to find that the UPS man has run for the safety of his truck. No problem. Micca will show up sooner or later hopefully alone.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 05 - 05:51 PM

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm...blueberry mead....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: artbrooks
Date: 05 May 05 - 05:59 PM

Rapper, you rat.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: jacqui.c
Date: 05 May 05 - 06:24 PM

Has anyone seen Seamus? He was heading toward the....

















jello pit............. OOPS!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 05 - 06:30 PM

And through the door she walks: red hair, an older woman carrying herself with the bearing of one who brooks no nonsense. The blaster on her hip reinforces the idea and draws eyes to it as she walks up to the bar.

"Hooch, sonny," she says to the barwench.

"Huh?" is the unfortunate response.

"I said, 'Hooch, sonny'," she replies, "and I mean it." Suddenly she draws the blaster and shoves the muzzle in to the bartender's face. "I'm Hazel Mead, and I would like a drink, you understand."

The barkeep turns pale.

Quickly she opens the charge chamber and extracts....

"Care for a cough drop?" she asks.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 05 May 05 - 07:31 PM

feeling Stone'd, Rapaire?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 05 - 07:55 PM

What a Heinleinous remark, BB!! :D


A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 May 05 - 09:18 PM

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!
I struggled past the great breasts of the North to make the festivities! Lingering upon the nipples, longer than my ancient forefather did, while tripping on a perched perch from the blue waters, and rolling in through the door that was marked, UP, my tounge shot out an innocent, yet slightly incoherent statement....


Tequila! Por Favor!

Vasto Vivar La Madre Ante Todos Toroabano!!! Alegre Cumpleazos Madre!

Rustico Rebelde is going to the bar! (Is that mariachi music I hear?)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 05 - 09:30 PM

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaahahah!! Vaya! Vaya! Andalé, Rustica!!!! Que la musica ti transporta por siempre!!

Que hay musica en su vida
Floricitas, luz y sol
Y que sabes que te amo
Con todo mi corazaon!!

Su madre

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 May 05 - 10:18 PM

¡Desea vivo la madre de todo el bullshit! ¡Madre Del Feliz Cumpleaños! ¡La celebración es justa un rodillo en el hoyo del jello lejos!

Un más tequila con crema del arándano y la música hasta amanecer, es lo que sueño. ¡cP.s. Amos, me plazco verle en un estado de la mente poético tan fino! ¡Debe ser el mead Rapaire del arándano está pasando alrededor!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 May 05 - 10:29 PM

It seems the Babel fish translater deems me incoherent and drunk on tequila too!......Here's what it thought I think I said....

It wishes alive the mother of all bullshit! Mother Of Happy Birthday! The celebration is right a roller in the hole of jello far! A plus tequila with cream of the bilberry and music until dawn, is what dream. P.S. Masters, I please myself to see him in a state of the so fine poetic mind! It must be Mead Rapaire of the bilberry is happening around!


Works for me! So who's rolling in the blueberry jello? Oh I mean bilberry!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: jacqui.c
Date: 06 May 05 - 06:43 AM

The jello pit now contains one very large and soggy yellow lab. Go anywhere near him and he'll lick you to death. There's Alice, sitting on the edge with a smug expression on her face - methinks she might have had something to do with luring him in?

I'm not even going to try and get him out yet - more wine please bartender and is there any of that black pepper shortbread out back?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 May 05 - 07:05 AM

Don't blenderize it, just slide it under the door please.... I have all the water I can drink in here, but I need something with a little .... absorbency....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 05 - 08:46 AM

Oh, geez, LtS is stuck in the Ladies' again. Well, not a problem -- get the barrels of grease ready.

Nearby, a crystalline being flutters close to the ceiling, obviously roiled by...something. Hesitantly, a thought comes through: "My name is Prilicla. I would like a drink. Thank you."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 06 May 05 - 08:56 AM

oh jeez - don't let Prilicla near Hazel - I'm told she has this "thing" about bugs.

Beaker of blueberry mead for the Empath - with a side of spaghetti!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 May 05 - 10:37 AM

Singing is heard coming from the general direction of the parking lot. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: MAG
Date: 07 May 05 - 01:08 AM

Oh great; a party. I could use a party. Am I allowed to come even if I have never braved the infamous MOAB thread?? My computer is shaky enough as it is.

Here are 3 perfromance pieces about chocolate for the jukebox. and some truffle brownies.

MAG

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 May 05 - 04:20 AM

I wouldn't say stuck..... more like.... LOCKED!!!!

We know a song about that don't we boys and girls!!!

Save me a truffle please?!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: jacqui.c
Date: 07 May 05 - 07:56 AM

Ask Kendall about cod liver oil capsules........

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: MMario
Date: 07 May 05 - 08:37 AM

Okay - Try a piece of this. It's a layered strawberry desert -
slices of pound cake - with a marscapone strawberry layer over that, strawberry curd over that and topped with strawberry whipped cream.

Too much?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 May 05 - 09:28 PM

What, no chocolate sauce?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 May 05 - 01:24 AM

Maybe some of those chocolate dipped strawberries on the side? The huge ones that sit decadently on the plate with their coat of thick hardened chocolate.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 May 05 - 05:05 AM

Hey, they can sit where they like, they're mine and I WILL get them all.... bruauahahhahahahaaaaaaaaa

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,Giant Squid
Date: 08 May 05 - 12:10 PM

Splash, slosh, swish, swish. . .

Ah! The food of the gods! Chocolate-dipt cat!

Jello pit, here I come!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,Seamus
Date: 08 May 05 - 01:43 PM

Squid in the jello pit? I don't think so - the jello pit's mine, all mine I tell you!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 05 - 11:03 AM

My, my. You take a couple days to spend with an old friend and everything crashes.

BARKEEP! Hootchenoo! With gunpowder, tobacco juice, and ground habenero peppers! Put it in a glass and give it to LtS! I'll have a good single malt, myself.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 May 05 - 11:50 AM

"Sweet and Sour Squid! Yum Yum" says Alice. "I'll just sit here on this ridiculous dog's head and lure the slippery beast over. Damn it Seamus! Stop wagging your tail. You're getting berry juice and honey all over me."

SINS watches from the bar, JD in hand. That squid looks angry and Alice and Seamus are in her care.

She passes a large serving of spicy corn pone cooked with lima beans to LTS. "That will blast you out of there in no time." she promises. "Better hurry though there are only a few truffles left."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: jacqui.c
Date: 09 May 05 - 12:25 PM

That'll get her out even faster!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 May 05 - 05:23 PM

You seriously want to give me something like that? You better stand clear then!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 May 05 - 12:45 AM

Fire in the hole!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 May 05 - 04:39 AM

Here I sit, broken hearted... paid my penny



blew the back out of the cubicle and the cistern is now in orbit....


FREE AT LAST!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 05 - 08:43 AM

"Ain't never seen nothin' like it," said the old man. "I wuz jist walkin' down ta the crick an' this here terlet come a-blowin' past, doin' 'bout a million miles a minute, an' a pair of them new-fangled ladies song underwear with it, too. Ain't never seen nothing' like it."

And he shook his hoary locks and drank the bottle down.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 May 05 - 03:07 PM

(Liz, you're a good sport!)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 May 05 - 03:16 PM

In the immortal words of Al Jolson....


You ain't heard nothin' yet!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 May 05 - 03:38 PM

WOW!!! And to think I almost boiled the beans in prune juice.

Does this mean that we are back to male and female trees in the backyard or will the elves come and fix the toilet? I need to know before I try the Sweet 'N Sour Squid.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 05 - 03:41 PM

Within the discontinuity of MOAB, nothing ever remains broken -- not even hearts.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,Plumber
Date: 10 May 05 - 04:02 PM

Who do I give the bill? Evrythings fixed, ladie - but I couldn't match the 24 caret commode - so had to use platinum.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 May 05 - 05:20 PM

Better put that plumbing job on Bert's card. For a tip, get yourself a good beer at the bar and remember: "Buy low, sell high."

I don't see that squid volunteering any body parts for your recipe. Just how are you planning to prepare that dish, SINS?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 05 - 06:50 PM

I can only say, "Oh you squid!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: jacqui.c
Date: 10 May 05 - 06:53 PM

Well, if Alice can be persuaded I'm sure that the squid body parts can be obtained.......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 May 05 - 08:52 PM

and the Jello pit is full of honey, a dog, and a cat. A little vinegar and a few spices, a simple blow torch, and the squid lured into proximity - and there we'll have it! Sweet and Sour Squid.

Alice, upon hearing the plan removes herself from Seamus' head and knowing Baby Fred's attachment to the silly beast, coaxes Seamus to safer ground while the squid splish-sploshes it's way into the sticky pit. "Blowtorch?" she muses. "No - a hair dryer plugged in, turned on, and tossed into the goo will do the trick." Off she goes in search of electrical appliances while Jacqui wails at Seamus "You stupid damn dog! I just brushed you! Now you're all full of honey and cat hair! Damn! Kendall, come here please...darling. Seamus needs to go out..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,The Giant Squid
Date: 10 May 05 - 10:43 PM

BURP!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: MOAB
Date: 10 May 05 - 10:43 PM

Thanks to all my children and friends for throwing the party. I'm sorry I haven't been able to get here until now. I have a good axcuse, though you'd probably never believe it.

Love,

Mom

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: MOAB
Date: 10 May 05 - 10:45 PM

I can't spell either. But I have a good excuse for that also. I was in a hurry to make the 100th post before that wanker Flamingo Ted did it.

Ta-Ta,

Mom

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 May 05 - 10:45 PM

Do tell, Mother MOAB!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 11 May 05 - 08:03 AM

MOM! Glad you could make it, it wouldn't be a party without you.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 05 - 08:39 AM

Sure it would!

Why, one time I told some friends I was moving and they had one heck of a party for me! Nobody could make it until I'd been gone for a week, but I was told everyone really enjoyed themselves.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,beertender
Date: 11 May 05 - 09:13 AM

THE LEGEND OF BUDWIESSER

Back in time, when the world was younger then it is now, roughly 1067 AD or so, the English were suffering a great dilemma. Willy the Bastard and his Norman crew were running rampant across the countryside, and being as they were winning they expected to get things for free; things like food, clothing, and beer. Especially beer.

Now beer, being the qintessential English drink that it is, was far too important to the average bloke in the street to allow these Norman dogs to be quaffing it under their noses,especially if the pig-dogs didn't pay for it! And since practically every household prided itself on the quality of their brewing it truly hurt that the Normans could not even appreciate the quality - as their palates had been ruined by drinking that effete Norman wine. Can you imagine, the Normans actually preffered the fermented grape to a properly brewed malt beverage!

Now in considering what to do the doughty English considered well; for if they merely hid their brewings, the Normans were sure to search high and low, uncovering more then just the beer barrels. It would never due for the Norman men at arms to discover just how many English goods were escaping taxation!

While the Anglo-Saxon brains seethed furiously trying to discover an escape from this dillemma a thought finally struck. In the springtime and up until barley harvest when stocks of the previous years barley were nearly exhausted it was customary to use the lees of a previous brewing and double or triple the normal amount of water to make a weak, poor, nearly colourless and tasteless "beer" which, though beneath contempt under normal circumstances, was sufficient for children, serfs, apprentices and the poor. It was better then water, after all, though barely. This drink (for it was difficult indeed to term it "beer") was oft times known as "budde wasser" for it was brewed in the time of the budde (or budtime); spring. But it was known as "wasser" rather then "ale" for few cared to give it the dignity of actually considering the drink to be a proper brew. You could see through it! but for the Normans it would certainly be sufficient - in fact they would probably never notice.

thus the brewers used the spent grains from their actual beermaking to brew batch after batch of budde-wasser - which was left conveniently poorly hidden so that the Norman soldiers could plunder it at their will. The TRUE ales were much better hidden.

Over time budde-wasser became Budwiesser. And thereby hangs the tale.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,Bunnhabhain
Date: 11 May 05 - 11:49 AM

And Tennents orginates at the same period. A similar sub-beer brew, it was used, by poor tenants in leau of money or useful crops to pay the rent, and the folk process transferred the name of Tenants to the brew itself, becoming imbedded in Britian to this day, resulting in Tennents being consumed in great quantity.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 May 05 - 02:29 PM

Sage sticks her head around the door from the Wyoming side, and glances at the jello pit hot tub honey brew.

"Did ya'll know that that squid might have a hatchet? Just thought I'd warn you. And he may know some of the Freds."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 May 05 - 03:33 PM

Oops. Not quite as dangerous as I thought--it's a sledgehammer, not a hatchet.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 May 05 - 05:34 PM

As the squid sneakily slinks and slides into the sweet mess attempting to make a grab at the large and messy yellow lab slobbering at the edge of the pit, Alice plugs in the toaster and tosses it into the honey. ZAP! ZZZZTTTTTT! The sledge hammer flies through the air along with squidly arms and legs and assorted giblets all nicely coated with steaming sweet sauce and berries.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 May 05 - 05:41 PM

Scungilli all 'round. "Sorry about that folks. I'll get Alice home before she does anymore damage."

SINS leaves by the Northeastern portal with an angry cat and two squid legs. No one notices that she has squirreled away the bar's entire supply of Jack Daniel's under her shirt.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,The Sledgehammer
Date: 11 May 05 - 06:45 PM

Whooo! Thanks for getting me away from that thing. I thought I was doomed to spend the rest of my life in a fetid Jello pit! It was bad enough having once belonged to Neal Cassady. Yes, that was me. The sledgehammer that Cassady spun, twirled and caught incessantly while high on speed in The Electric Koolaid Acid Test. It was very disorienting being flipped and spun all the time. Sledgehammers are supposed to belong to real men like John Henry who do real work with them, not to oversized molluscs and wired-out freaks!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 11 May 05 - 09:26 PM

I say, has anyone here seen the entity you know as "Debbie Earl?" Itshehe is my genetic cognate thrice removed in my neuter maternal lineage. The entity looks like this, at least in this dimensional continuum.

And it that a honey-jello-squid pit? Oh, gracious! Might I add some feta cheese to it and sup it all?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 May 05 - 06:26 AM

*Looks into jello pit*

Did you just eat that or are you about to?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: jacqui.c
Date: 12 May 05 - 07:27 AM

Just spit out the dog hair - Seamus has been shedding profusely lately. Oh, and he farts most of the time as well - must have been like a jacuzzi in that jello pit when he was in there.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 May 05 - 10:38 PM

Where did everybody go? I tucked Alice away and came back with a tin of bourbon balls but nobody's here.

Hello???????? YOOHOOOOOO!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 May 05 - 11:26 PM

I'll have a cold beer.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: jacqui.c
Date: 21 May 05 - 01:17 PM

Has anyone checked the jello pit lately? Hope it got cleaned out after the last session.

Oh, and mine's a dry white wine - still on Bert's card?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat MOAB Mother's Day Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 May 05 - 01:23 PM

I heard the water running out there. I think someone turned the hose on it.

It's so darned hot here today, I wouldn't mind seeing that pit turned into a nice little wading pool!